about six years ago my wife and I decided to take a whitewater-rafting
decided to take a whitewater-rafting
decided to take a whitewater-rafting trip in Colorado and we done we did this
trip in Colorado and we done we did this
trip in Colorado and we done we did this a couple of years earlier Montana it was
a couple of years earlier Montana it was
a couple of years earlier Montana it was my wife and I my ten-year-old daughter
my wife and I my ten-year-old daughter
my wife and I my ten-year-old daughter my seven-year-old daughter at the time
my seven-year-old daughter at the time
my seven-year-old daughter at the time and my mother-in-law and father-in-law
and my mother-in-law and father-in-law
and my mother-in-law and father-in-law but this time is a little different my
but this time is a little different my
but this time is a little different my seven-year-old decided that she wanted
seven-year-old decided that she wanted
seven-year-old decided that she wanted to paddle this time and us being for
to paddle this time and us being for
to paddle this time and us being for educated adults thought that’d be a good
educated adults thought that’d be a good
educated adults thought that’d be a good idea so we took off down the river we’re
idea so we took off down the river we’re
idea so we took off down the river we’re heading down it and on one side of my
heading down it and on one side of my
heading down it and on one side of my mother-in-law and myself on the other
mother-in-law and myself on the other
mother-in-law and myself on the other side is my wife my father-in-law and my
side is my wife my father-in-law and my
side is my wife my father-in-law and my daughter and as we’re coming up on some
daughter and as we’re coming up on some
daughter and as we’re coming up on some level three Rapids we’re about to go
level three Rapids we’re about to go
level three Rapids we’re about to go over a rock and our guide lucas tells us
over a rock and our guide lucas tells us
over a rock and our guide lucas tells us you need to start paddling and so on one
you need to start paddling and so on one
you need to start paddling and so on one side my mother-in-law and i start
side my mother-in-law and i start
side my mother-in-law and i start paddling on the other side they’re so
paddling on the other side they’re so
paddling on the other side they’re so concerned about my daughter that they’re
concerned about my daughter that they’re
concerned about my daughter that they’re not doing much of anything but holding
not doing much of anything but holding
not doing much of anything but holding on to her so for anybody who’s been in a
on to her so for anybody who’s been in a
on to her so for anybody who’s been in a boat or raft or anything like that you
boat or raft or anything like that you
boat or raft or anything like that you probably recognize that if you paddle on
probably recognize that if you paddle on
probably recognize that if you paddle on one side and you do nothing on the other
one side and you do nothing on the other
one side and you do nothing on the other side what happens you turn you don’t go
side what happens you turn you don’t go
side what happens you turn you don’t go forward and that’s exactly what happened
forward and that’s exactly what happened
forward and that’s exactly what happened to us so we started to turn and no more
to us so we started to turn and no more
to us so we started to turn and no more we turn the harder we paddle on one side
we turn the harder we paddle on one side
we turn the harder we paddle on one side the harder they held on on the other
the harder they held on on the other
the harder they held on on the other side and we continue to turn until
side and we continue to turn until
side and we continue to turn until finally we did a 180 in the boat caught
finally we did a 180 in the boat caught
finally we did a 180 in the boat caught underneath the rock and of course we’re
underneath the rock and of course we’re
underneath the rock and of course we’re over into the water now the first thing
over into the water now the first thing
over into the water now the first thing i remember is im looking up is now
i remember is im looking up is now
i remember is im looking up is now that’s a that’s a pretty nice guy but my
that’s a that’s a pretty nice guy but my
that’s a that’s a pretty nice guy but my feet definitely don’t belong there the
feet definitely don’t belong there the
feet definitely don’t belong there the second thing was man this waters cold if
second thing was man this waters cold if
second thing was man this waters cold if we hit the 55 degree water but the most
we hit the 55 degree water but the most
we hit the 55 degree water but the most overwhelming feeling I had when I hit
overwhelming feeling I had when I hit
overwhelming feeling I had when I hit the water was this feeling of
the water was this feeling of
the water was this feeling of helplessness this feeling of panic and
helplessness this feeling of panic and
helplessness this feeling of panic and fear had no idea where my kids were I
fear had no idea where my kids were I
fear had no idea where my kids were I mean they were good swimmers but they’re
mean they were good swimmers but they’re
mean they were good swimmers but they’re 10 and 7 in a roaring rapids type of
10 and 7 in a roaring rapids type of
10 and 7 in a roaring rapids type of river no idea where anybody was in that
river no idea where anybody was in that
river no idea where anybody was in that moment the human kind of condition is to
moment the human kind of condition is to
moment the human kind of condition is to fight or to flee now in that situation I
fight or to flee now in that situation I
fight or to flee now in that situation I didn’t have much of a choice I’m in a
didn’t have much of a choice I’m in a
didn’t have much of a choice I’m in a river flings really not an option so we
river flings really not an option so we
river flings really not an option so we had to fight and I don’t think that’s
had to fight and I don’t think that’s
had to fight and I don’t think that’s much different than what we deal with on
much different than what we deal with on
much different than what we deal with on a daily basis with the adversity that we
a daily basis with the adversity that we
a daily basis with the adversity that we all go through on a daily basis you know
all go through on a daily basis you know
all go through on a daily basis you know we were never promised a live free from
we were never promised a live free from
we were never promised a live free from adversity in fact it’s just the opposite
adversity in fact it’s just the opposite
adversity in fact it’s just the opposite it’s a hundred percent certainty there’s
it’s a hundred percent certainty there’s
it’s a hundred percent certainty there’s going to be adversity in our lives it’s
going to be adversity in our lives it’s
going to be adversity in our lives it’s a guarantee so the question is how do
a guarantee so the question is how do
a guarantee so the question is how do you do with that whether there’s
you do with that whether there’s
you do with that whether there’s something relatively small like you know
something relatively small like you know
something relatively small like you know cars broken down finances got to make
cars broken down finances got to make
cars broken down finances got to make good grades or something bigger a death
good grades or something bigger a death
good grades or something bigger a death in the family and illness and addiction
in the family and illness and addiction
in the family and illness and addiction for me my struggles started around nine
for me my struggles started around nine
for me my struggles started around nine years old went over the course of a few
years old went over the course of a few
years old went over the course of a few years I was subjected to sexual abuse
years I was subjected to sexual abuse
years I was subjected to sexual abuse and that set off a path for me over the
and that set off a path for me over the
and that set off a path for me over the next 30 years of self-destruction and
next 30 years of self-destruction and
next 30 years of self-destruction and during that period of time I left behind
during that period of time I left behind
during that period of time I left behind a trail of broken promises broken
a trail of broken promises broken
a trail of broken promises broken relationships bad decisions and I was
relationships bad decisions and I was
relationships bad decisions and I was essentially spiritually and emotionally
essentially spiritually and emotionally
essentially spiritually and emotionally dead see I too had the choice to fight
dead see I too had the choice to fight
dead see I too had the choice to fight or flee but I didn’t know better and so
or flee but I didn’t know better and so
or flee but I didn’t know better and so for that period of time I just accepted
for that period of time I just accepted
for that period of time I just accepted my circumstances as reality so by
my circumstances as reality so by
my circumstances as reality so by definition I chose to flee now research
definition I chose to flee now research
definition I chose to flee now research tells us that one in five people will
tells us that one in five people will
tells us that one in five people will deal with some type of depression or
deal with some type of depression or
deal with some type of depression or some type of depression at some point
some type of depression at some point
some type of depression at some point during their lives it also tells us that
during their lives it also tells us that
during their lives it also tells us that one in ten people over the age of 12
one in ten people over the age of 12
one in ten people over the age of 12 will deal with some type of addiction
will deal with some type of addiction
will deal with some type of addiction during the course of their lives so if
during the course of their lives so if
during the course of their lives so if you believe that these statistics are
you believe that these statistics are
you believe that these statistics are true then there’s likely people here
true then there’s likely people here
true then there’s likely people here today who are dealing with these same
today who are dealing with these same
today who are dealing with these same types of things who have felt these
types of things who have felt these
types of things who have felt these feelings of helplessness of fear of
feelings of helplessness of fear of
feelings of helplessness of fear of panic and so the question is what do you
panic and so the question is what do you
panic and so the question is what do you do about it so let me take you back to
do about it so let me take you back to
do about it so let me take you back to the river now we’re in the river now
the river now we’re in the river now
the river now we’re in the river now we’re kind of all spread out we’re
we’re kind of all spread out we’re
we’re kind of all spread out we’re trying to trying to figure out where we
trying to trying to figure out where we
trying to trying to figure out where we all are and the first thing I try to do
all are and the first thing I try to do
all are and the first thing I try to do is find the kid so I try to stand up in
is find the kid so I try to stand up in
is find the kid so I try to stand up in the river not a good idea there’s lots
the river not a good idea there’s lots
the river not a good idea there’s lots of rocks underneath the water and I’ve
of rocks underneath the water and I’ve
of rocks underneath the water and I’ve got lots of scars to show for that so
got lots of scars to show for that so
got lots of scars to show for that so that didn’t work out so I said okay well
that didn’t work out so I said okay well
that didn’t work out so I said okay well I’m gonna try to swim to the side so I
I’m gonna try to swim to the side so I
I’m gonna try to swim to the side so I took off trying to swim which is
took off trying to swim which is
took off trying to swim which is essentially swimming upstream which also
essentially swimming upstream which also
essentially swimming upstream which also doesn’t work but as I’m doing that the
doesn’t work but as I’m doing that the
doesn’t work but as I’m doing that the RAF comes by and hits me into in the
RAF comes by and hits me into in the
RAF comes by and hits me into in the head and I grab ahold of the raft also
head and I grab ahold of the raft also
head and I grab ahold of the raft also not a good idea because now I have the
not a good idea because now I have the
not a good idea because now I have the rocks that are hitting my legs not a rat
rocks that are hitting my legs not a rat
rocks that are hitting my legs not a rat that’s beating me in the head and just
that’s beating me in the head and just
that’s beating me in the head and just as I’m about to let go i notice that my
as I’m about to let go i notice that my
as I’m about to let go i notice that my wife is actually holding on to the other
wife is actually holding on to the other
wife is actually holding on to the other side of the raft and so I kind of made
side of the raft and so I kind of made
side of the raft and so I kind of made this last-ditch effort that says I got
this last-ditch effort that says I got
this last-ditch effort that says I got we got to get out of here right and so I
we got to get out of here right and so I
we got to get out of here right and so I plant my foot and wedge it into a rock
plant my foot and wedge it into a rock
plant my foot and wedge it into a rock in the river also not a good idea but it
in the river also not a good idea but it
in the river also not a good idea but it worked out in this case I was able to
worked out in this case I was able to
worked out in this case I was able to use that leverage and swing the raft
use that leverage and swing the raft
use that leverage and swing the raft around so we’re able to get to the side
around so we’re able to get to the side
around so we’re able to get to the side and as I climbed up onto the side I kind
and as I climbed up onto the side I kind
and as I climbed up onto the side I kind of SAT there and all the adrenaline that
of SAT there and all the adrenaline that
of SAT there and all the adrenaline that had been
had been
had been running through me for the last minute
running through me for the last minute
running through me for the last minute was just gone I was zapped I couldn’t
was just gone I was zapped I couldn’t
was just gone I was zapped I couldn’t move at all but I still had this
move at all but I still had this
move at all but I still had this overwhelming feeling of not knowing
overwhelming feeling of not knowing
overwhelming feeling of not knowing where the kids were completely helpless
where the kids were completely helpless
where the kids were completely helpless now as we do that you know one of the
now as we do that you know one of the
now as we do that you know one of the things I talk about a lot is how we
things I talk about a lot is how we
things I talk about a lot is how we struggle the struggle is simply to
struggle the struggle is simply to
struggle the struggle is simply to strive to achieve or attain something in
strive to achieve or attain something in
strive to achieve or attain something in the face of difficulty or resistance
the face of difficulty or resistance
the face of difficulty or resistance it’s an interesting word because it has
it’s an interesting word because it has
it’s an interesting word because it has kind of a negative connotation usually
kind of a negative connotation usually
kind of a negative connotation usually if you talk to someone and you ask them
if you talk to someone and you ask them
if you talk to someone and you ask them how they’re doing and they say well I’m
how they’re doing and they say well I’m
how they’re doing and they say well I’m struggling you know the human response
struggling you know the human response
struggling you know the human response normally is I’m sorry to hear that but
normally is I’m sorry to hear that but
normally is I’m sorry to hear that but it really should be congratulations good
it really should be congratulations good
it really should be congratulations good job and that’s going to probably get you
job and that’s going to probably get you
job and that’s going to probably get you some strange looks why would you tell
some strange looks why would you tell
some strange looks why would you tell somebody who’s struggling
somebody who’s struggling
somebody who’s struggling congratulations well we’ve already
congratulations well we’ve already
congratulations well we’ve already established that adversity is one
established that adversity is one
established that adversity is one hundred percent guarantee it’s a
hundred percent guarantee it’s a
hundred percent guarantee it’s a certainty so really your only choice is
certainty so really your only choice is
certainty so really your only choice is to fight or to flee so if you choose to
to fight or to flee so if you choose to
to fight or to flee so if you choose to fight then you choose to engage in the
fight then you choose to engage in the
fight then you choose to engage in the struggle and that’s a good thing now
struggle and that’s a good thing now
struggle and that’s a good thing now there’s no magic formula for how to
there’s no magic formula for how to
there’s no magic formula for how to struggle well there’s no magic formula
struggle well there’s no magic formula
struggle well there’s no magic formula for how to respond but there are a few
for how to respond but there are a few
for how to respond but there are a few things I want to leave you with today
things I want to leave you with today
things I want to leave you with today the first thing is make the choice and
the first thing is make the choice and
the first thing is make the choice and commitment this is a choice that says
commitment this is a choice that says
commitment this is a choice that says I’m better than this that I don’t have
I’m better than this that I don’t have
I’m better than this that I don’t have to accept my circumstances as reality
to accept my circumstances as reality
to accept my circumstances as reality and it’s got to be an active choice not
and it’s got to be an active choice not
and it’s got to be an active choice not a passive one active means I’ve got to
a passive one active means I’ve got to
a passive one active means I’ve got to make a commitment I’m going to do
make a commitment I’m going to do
make a commitment I’m going to do whatever it takes to make sure that I
whatever it takes to make sure that I
whatever it takes to make sure that I can deal with what’s in front of me even
can deal with what’s in front of me even
can deal with what’s in front of me even when it gets difficult and it will get
when it gets difficult and it will get
when it gets difficult and it will get difficult second thing is engaging
difficult second thing is engaging
difficult second thing is engaging community this is acknowledgement that
community this is acknowledgement that
community this is acknowledgement that you can’t do it alone and that’s okay
you can’t do it alone and that’s okay
you can’t do it alone and that’s okay you’re not supposed to we as humans were
you’re not supposed to we as humans were
you’re not supposed to we as humans were made that way if you want to prove take
made that way if you want to prove take
made that way if you want to prove take two kids who are complete strangers put
two kids who are complete strangers put
two kids who are complete strangers put them on a playground together and see
them on a playground together and see
them on a playground together and see what happens within minutes they’ll be
what happens within minutes they’ll be
what happens within minutes they’ll be drawn to each other they’ll play
drawn to each other they’ll play
drawn to each other they’ll play together it’s okay to ask for help in
together it’s okay to ask for help in
together it’s okay to ask for help in fact it’s a sign of strength the last
fact it’s a sign of strength the last
fact it’s a sign of strength the last thing is have faith and for me that’s
thing is have faith and for me that’s
thing is have faith and for me that’s faith in God for others that may also be
faith in God for others that may also be
faith in God for others that may also be faith in God it may be faith in
faith in God it may be faith in
faith in God it may be faith in community friends and family support
community friends and family support
community friends and family support groups whatever but it’s a recognition
groups whatever but it’s a recognition
groups whatever but it’s a recognition that there’s a power stronger than me
that there’s a power stronger than me
that there’s a power stronger than me alone that I need to be able to draw
alone that I need to be able to draw
alone that I need to be able to draw from and gain strength from now some of
from and gain strength from now some of
from and gain strength from now some of you may be wondering what happened with
you may be wondering what happened with
you may be wondering what happened with kids so let’s go back to the river so
kids so let’s go back to the river so
kids so let’s go back to the river so fortunately our guide who was name was
fortunately our guide who was name was
fortunately our guide who was name was Lucas was a bit of a mountain man
Lucas was a bit of a mountain man
Lucas was a bit of a mountain man and when I say mountain man I don’t mean
and when I say mountain man I don’t mean
and when I say mountain man I don’t mean that was his old guy who had long hair
that was his old guy who had long hair
that was his old guy who had long hair long beard that lived off the land I
long beard that lived off the land I
long beard that lived off the land I mean this guy looked like a mountain he
mean this guy looked like a mountain he
mean this guy looked like a mountain he was huge and so when we hit the river
was huge and so when we hit the river
was huge and so when we hit the river we’re all struggling I’m getting beaten
we’re all struggling I’m getting beaten
we’re all struggling I’m getting beaten up by rocks and rafts and losing that
up by rocks and rafts and losing that
up by rocks and rafts and losing that battle he just stands up in the river
battle he just stands up in the river
battle he just stands up in the river and grabs them and start to making his
and grabs them and start to making his
and grabs them and start to making his way to the side and we were talking to
way to the side and we were talking to
way to the side and we were talking to him afterward he was telling us how
him afterward he was telling us how
him afterward he was telling us how impressed he was with our 10 year old
impressed he was with our 10 year old
impressed he was with our 10 year old and we asked him why and he said when he
and we asked him why and he said when he
and we asked him why and he said when he grabbed her she wasn’t crying she wasn’t
grabbed her she wasn’t crying she wasn’t
grabbed her she wasn’t crying she wasn’t freaking out she wasn’t even asking for
freaking out she wasn’t even asking for
freaking out she wasn’t even asking for mom and dad she simply said save my
mom and dad she simply said save my
mom and dad she simply said save my sister even in her fear in her panic and
sister even in her fear in her panic and
sister even in her fear in her panic and her helplessness she saw her sister few
her helplessness she saw her sister few
her helplessness she saw her sister few feet away knew that she needed help now
feet away knew that she needed help now
feet away knew that she needed help now the theme of our talks today are on the
the theme of our talks today are on the
the theme of our talks today are on the edge pushing boundaries without fear you
edge pushing boundaries without fear you
edge pushing boundaries without fear you know there may be nothing more
know there may be nothing more
know there may be nothing more frightening than facing some things in
frightening than facing some things in
frightening than facing some things in your life and facing some adversity that
your life and facing some adversity that
your life and facing some adversity that might be embarrassing sobering or even
might be embarrassing sobering or even
might be embarrassing sobering or even painful but there’s also nothing more
painful but there’s also nothing more
painful but there’s also nothing more satisfying and knowing that you’ve dealt
satisfying and knowing that you’ve dealt
satisfying and knowing that you’ve dealt with these things that you engage in the
with these things that you engage in the
with these things that you engage in the struggle so much my challenge to you
struggle so much my challenge to you
struggle so much my challenge to you today is determine what adversities you
today is determine what adversities you
today is determine what adversities you have to deal with what changes do you
have to deal with what changes do you
have to deal with what changes do you have to make and some of those may be
have to make and some of those may be
have to make and some of those may be huge it may be cutting out people places
huge it may be cutting out people places
huge it may be cutting out people places and things completely out of your life
and things completely out of your life
and things completely out of your life but if you can make the choice that says
but if you can make the choice that says
but if you can make the choice that says I’m not going to accept my circumstances
I’m not going to accept my circumstances
I’m not going to accept my circumstances if you can make the commitment that says
if you can make the commitment that says
if you can make the commitment that says I’m going to do whatever it takes if you
I’m going to do whatever it takes if you
I’m going to do whatever it takes if you can engage in community and understand
can engage in community and understand
can engage in community and understand that there’s power in numbers and if you
that there’s power in numbers and if you
that there’s power in numbers and if you can have faith that no matter how things
can have faith that no matter how things
can have faith that no matter how things work out you’re going to be okay you can
work out you’re going to be okay you can
work out you’re going to be okay you can do those things then you just may find
do those things then you just may find
do those things then you just may find the strength in your struggle thank you
”
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