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9 stories | Kathryn Littlewood | TEDxPitsmoor


I don’t come from picks mine factor

I don’t come from picks mine factor don’t have really any connection to

don’t have really any connection to

don’t have really any connection to peace more I once drove here and bought

peace more I once drove here and bought

peace more I once drove here and bought some chewing gum from a shop up the road

some chewing gum from a shop up the road

some chewing gum from a shop up the road and these Lots said that was okay I mean

and these Lots said that was okay I mean

and these Lots said that was okay I mean so I actually did work in social work

so I actually did work in social work

so I actually did work in social work and this was one of my areas and before

and this was one of my areas and before

and this was one of my areas and before I went crazy I didn’t actually go crazy

I went crazy I didn’t actually go crazy

I went crazy I didn’t actually go crazy here that was in gleadless but I did

here that was in gleadless but I did

here that was in gleadless but I did work this area so that’s my only two

work this area so that’s my only two

work this area so that’s my only two connections to this area but I’m so

connections to this area but I’m so

connections to this area but I’m so pleased to be here tonight and you know

pleased to be here tonight and you know

pleased to be here tonight and you know what I’m actually thinking why don’t I

what I’m actually thinking why don’t I

what I’m actually thinking why don’t I live here you’re all brilliantly mental

live here you’re all brilliantly mental

live here you’re all brilliantly mental it’s fantastic so I’m going to tell you

it’s fantastic so I’m going to tell you

it’s fantastic so I’m going to tell you like my talk really was about how your

like my talk really was about how your

like my talk really was about how your life can change within three seconds and

life can change within three seconds and

life can change within three seconds and my life really did change within three

my life really did change within three

my life really did change within three seconds I was their child protection

seconds I was their child protection

seconds I was their child protection social worker i worked in rather him

social worker i worked in rather him

social worker i worked in rather him social work in the middle of all the

social work in the middle of all the

social work in the middle of all the mess that you will have heard about on

mess that you will have heard about on

mess that you will have heard about on the television and in the newspapers in

the television and in the newspapers in

the television and in the newspapers in two thousand and then i came i bailed

two thousand and then i came i bailed

two thousand and then i came i bailed out with rather women came to work in

out with rather women came to work in

out with rather women came to work in sheffield in 2003 and i worked on the

sheffield in 2003 and i worked on the

sheffield in 2003 and i worked on the refill and assessment team at redvers

refill and assessment team at redvers

refill and assessment team at redvers house and social work is really real a

house and social work is really real a

house and social work is really real a really difficult profession to be in and

really difficult profession to be in and

really difficult profession to be in and it you know you get hit from all angles

it you know you get hit from all angles

it you know you get hit from all angles really it’s a lot of negativity

really it’s a lot of negativity

really it’s a lot of negativity surrounds you and you have to cope with

surrounds you and you have to cope with

surrounds you and you have to cope with in that and something happened to me

in that and something happened to me

in that and something happened to me that I didn’t expect to happen I

that I didn’t expect to happen I

that I didn’t expect to happen I expected to go to university and

expected to go to university and

expected to go to university and graduate and have a career by my house

graduate and have a career by my house

graduate and have a career by my house and you know be ok but actually for many

and you know be ok but actually for many

and you know be ok but actually for many many years what I didn’t realize is that

many years what I didn’t realize is that

many years what I didn’t realize is that I’d been struggling with a mental health

I’d been struggling with a mental health

I’d been struggling with a mental health issue and I hadn’t slept for 27 years

issue and I hadn’t slept for 27 years

issue and I hadn’t slept for 27 years and I had a dad who had an careful itís

and I had a dad who had an careful itís

and I had a dad who had an careful itís and he was disabled and I stopped

and he was disabled and I stopped

and he was disabled and I stopped sleeping around the age of 5 i’m not

sleeping around the age of 5 i’m not

sleeping around the age of 5 i’m not going to go too much into the back story

going to go too much into the back story

going to go too much into the back story of that but i’d used alcohol most of my

of that but i’d used alcohol most of my

of that but i’d used alcohol most of my life to sleep I didn’t but I didn’t

life to sleep I didn’t but I didn’t

life to sleep I didn’t but I didn’t really like alcohol I don’t drink at all

really like alcohol I don’t drink at all

really like alcohol I don’t drink at all now but I used it to get to sleep and

now but I used it to get to sleep and

now but I used it to get to sleep and basically over the years I became more

basically over the years I became more

basically over the years I became more and more poor legs now in march two

and more poor legs now in march two

and more poor legs now in march two thousand four while i was working on the

thousand four while i was working on the

thousand four while i was working on the referral

referral

referral team at redfers house I completely lost

team at redfers house I completely lost

team at redfers house I completely lost the plot and I did it very very publicly

the plot and I did it very very publicly

the plot and I did it very very publicly and everybody knew that I was very and

and everybody knew that I was very and

and everybody knew that I was very and well so apart from me I I had no idea

well so apart from me I I had no idea

well so apart from me I I had no idea how ill I was and I was having a

how ill I was and I was having a

how ill I was and I was having a brilliant time I was trying to change

brilliant time I was trying to change

brilliant time I was trying to change the world I’d set up a community project

the world I’d set up a community project

the world I’d set up a community project within two weeks I’ve got all these kids

within two weeks I’ve got all these kids

within two weeks I’ve got all these kids in the community and got them all

in the community and got them all

in the community and got them all t-shirts we went into school we were

t-shirts we went into school we were

t-shirts we went into school we were shouting that we needed some big changes

shouting that we needed some big changes

shouting that we needed some big changes and I was out to change the world

and I was out to change the world

and I was out to change the world unbeknown to me that I was so ill a lot

unbeknown to me that I was so ill a lot

unbeknown to me that I was so ill a lot of people were behind me I was glowing

of people were behind me I was glowing

of people were behind me I was glowing like 100 watt bulb and attracting lots

like 100 watt bulb and attracting lots

like 100 watt bulb and attracting lots of attention and lots of people people

of attention and lots of people people

of attention and lots of people people in social services were very very

in social services were very very

in social services were very very nervous of me and quite rightly so

nervous of me and quite rightly so

nervous of me and quite rightly so because i was completely bonkers i built

because i was completely bonkers i built

because i was completely bonkers i built a 9-foot penis in my garden with all the

a 9-foot penis in my garden with all the

a 9-foot penis in my garden with all the children in the community actually in

children in the community actually in

children in the community actually in peace more that would go down quite well

peace more that would go down quite well

peace more that would go down quite well in gleadless it didn’t know everybody

in gleadless it didn’t know everybody

in gleadless it didn’t know everybody was very very concerned then took their

was very very concerned then took their

was very very concerned then took their children in and don’t go near that

children in and don’t go near that

children in and don’t go near that mental woman and a huge big ass you know

mental woman and a huge big ass you know

mental woman and a huge big ass you know to tell tony blair to shove it up his

to tell tony blair to shove it up his

to tell tony blair to shove it up his ass over the iraq war and i want a child

ass over the iraq war and i want a child

ass over the iraq war and i want a child so I really thought we had a chance to

so I really thought we had a chance to

so I really thought we had a chance to get that in the saatchi gallery sadly

get that in the saatchi gallery sadly

get that in the saatchi gallery sadly rained and it went very limp my car so

rained and it went very limp my car so

rained and it went very limp my car so that was that and Social Services came

that was that and Social Services came

that was that and Social Services came round to see me now I was a bit nervous

round to see me now I was a bit nervous

round to see me now I was a bit nervous of coming here tonight so notice on the

of coming here tonight so notice on the

of coming here tonight so notice on the facebook site that one of the names was

facebook site that one of the names was

facebook site that one of the names was actually my old manager she was sat in

actually my old manager she was sat in

actually my old manager she was sat in marshall room she’s in my book so if you

marshall room she’s in my book so if you

marshall room she’s in my book so if you are here tonight sorry I do apologize

are here tonight sorry I do apologize

are here tonight sorry I do apologize that I was so crazy you are in the book

that I was so crazy you are in the book

that I was so crazy you are in the book and Social Services said Catherine your

and Social Services said Catherine your

and Social Services said Catherine your medical you are mental and I really

medical you are mental and I really

medical you are mental and I really could not take that on board me mental

could not take that on board me mental

could not take that on board me mental absolutely no way am I meant oh you know

absolutely no way am I meant oh you know

absolutely no way am I meant oh you know this is my penis and you know and and

this is my penis and you know and and

this is my penis and you know and and they gave me the number of em and what

they gave me the number of em and what

they gave me the number of em and what they called an EAP which is an

they called an EAP which is an

they called an EAP which is an employment assistance program in and

employment assistance program in and

employment assistance program in and most or big organizations NHS social

most or big organizations NHS social

most or big organizations NHS social says have them and they gave me this

says have them and they gave me this

says have them and they gave me this number and I phoned it was counselor and

number and I phoned it was counselor and

number and I phoned it was counselor and I knew the minute that that person

I knew the minute that that person

I knew the minute that that person answered the phone that I was in love

answered the phone that I was in love

answered the phone that I was in love I loved him and he said hello my name’s

I loved him and he said hello my name’s

I loved him and he said hello my name’s Barry my name is Barry White and I knew

Barry my name is Barry White and I knew

Barry my name is Barry White and I knew that me and beret were made for each

that me and beret were made for each

that me and beret were made for each other in that split second a

other in that split second a

other in that split second a psychotically ill as I was I knew I

psychotically ill as I was I knew I

psychotically ill as I was I knew I loved him and me and Barry went on a

loved him and me and Barry went on a

loved him and me and Barry went on a journey together in the whole of my book

journey together in the whole of my book

journey together in the whole of my book is based around my non relationship with

is based around my non relationship with

is based around my non relationship with this man who I created this journey with

this man who I created this journey with

this man who I created this journey with him and it took me to Oxford which is

him and it took me to Oxford which is

him and it took me to Oxford which is where Barry was based where the light

where Barry was based where the light

where Barry was based where the light house that I bought from an antique

house that I bought from an antique

house that I bought from an antique shopping rather my chops it in my car

shopping rather my chops it in my car

shopping rather my chops it in my car abandoned my trial with a neighbor and

abandoned my trial with a neighbor and

abandoned my trial with a neighbor and drove off down to Oxford I had already

drove off down to Oxford I had already

drove off down to Oxford I had already spent months and months and months in my

spent months and months and months in my

spent months and months and months in my community being very ill I got arrested

community being very ill I got arrested

community being very ill I got arrested twice they got arrested in being q4

twice they got arrested in being q4

twice they got arrested in being q4 thrown white ain around over a case of

thrown white ain around over a case of

thrown white ain around over a case of false advertising I thought was quite

false advertising I thought was quite

false advertising I thought was quite justified I got arrested in ponds forge

justified I got arrested in ponds forge

justified I got arrested in ponds forge by laying on the floor shouting open

by laying on the floor shouting open

by laying on the floor shouting open swimming but you did again I

swimming but you did again I

swimming but you did again I thought that was fairly justified and if

thought that was fairly justified and if

thought that was fairly justified and if you read my book you will know why if

you read my book you will know why if

you read my book you will know why if you are a swimmer so am I ended up down

you are a swimmer so am I ended up down

you are a swimmer so am I ended up down in Oxford with this lighthouse me in my

in Oxford with this lighthouse me in my

in Oxford with this lighthouse me in my life has to cut a very long because I

life has to cut a very long because I

life has to cut a very long because I only have 10 minutes they sought usually

only have 10 minutes they sought usually

only have 10 minutes they sought usually takes an hour so me and my lighthouse

takes an hour so me and my lighthouse

takes an hour so me and my lighthouse went to Oxford we got on the park and

went to Oxford we got on the park and

went to Oxford we got on the park and ride the light else was on the seat next

ride the light else was on the seat next

ride the light else was on the seat next to me and off we when I camped there on

to me and off we when I camped there on

to me and off we when I camped there on my own I was extremely vulnerable

my own I was extremely vulnerable

my own I was extremely vulnerable extremely psychotic and ended up the

extremely psychotic and ended up the

extremely psychotic and ended up the church not dissimilar to this actually

church not dissimilar to this actually

church not dissimilar to this actually we have lots of screens around me and at

we have lots of screens around me and at

we have lots of screens around me and at the end of the service me and my

the end of the service me and my

the end of the service me and my lighthouse was that right at the back

lighthouse was that right at the back

lighthouse was that right at the back the lighthouse said a chair on its own

the lighthouse said a chair on its own

the lighthouse said a chair on its own and at the end of the service the vicar

and at the end of the service the vicar

and at the end of the service the vicar said has anybody got anything they want

said has anybody got anything they want

said has anybody got anything they want to say to God while I actually firmly

to say to God while I actually firmly

to say to God while I actually firmly believed that was the moment the berry

believed that was the moment the berry

believed that was the moment the berry because obviously we were telepathically

because obviously we were telepathically

because obviously we were telepathically connected why wouldn’t you be that he

connected why wouldn’t you be that he

connected why wouldn’t you be that he was going to be in that church for me he

was going to be in that church for me he

was going to be in that church for me he was going to marry me that was it and I

was going to marry me that was it and I

was going to marry me that was it and I just went on the stage and there was

just went on the stage and there was

just went on the stage and there was lots of other people are pushed out the

lots of other people are pushed out the

lots of other people are pushed out the way and I got on stage not dissimilar

way and I got on stage not dissimilar

way and I got on stage not dissimilar today

today

today this is a bit scary and I started

this is a bit scary and I started

this is a bit scary and I started talking and I said I know he loves me

talking and I said I know he loves me

talking and I said I know he loves me and the whole place went quiet I know he

and the whole place went quiet I know he

and the whole place went quiet I know he speaks to me at night and then people

speaks to me at night and then people

speaks to me at night and then people started standing up going hallelujah

started standing up going hallelujah

started standing up going hallelujah praise the Lord and I know he’s with me

praise the Lord and I know he’s with me

praise the Lord and I know he’s with me he breathes with me he feels me he loves

he breathes with me he feels me he loves

he breathes with me he feels me he loves me he is with me every step of my

me he is with me every step of my

me he is with me every step of my journey and I was very serious and they

journey and I was very serious and they

journey and I was very serious and they were very serious because they were all

were very serious because they were all

were very serious because they were all on their feet shouting hallelujah praise

on their feet shouting hallelujah praise

on their feet shouting hallelujah praise the Lord and at the end of it I said

the Lord and at the end of it I said

the Lord and at the end of it I said Barry White reveal yourself well I

Barry White reveal yourself well I

Barry White reveal yourself well I didn’t realize that they thought I was

didn’t realize that they thought I was

didn’t realize that they thought I was talking about Jesus completely and

talking about Jesus completely and

talking about Jesus completely and utterly went over my head that they

utterly went over my head that they

utterly went over my head that they thought that I would be talking about

thought that I would be talking about

thought that I would be talking about Jesus and of course Barry didn’t come

Jesus and of course Barry didn’t come

Jesus and of course Barry didn’t come and actually was the moment stood on

and actually was the moment stood on

and actually was the moment stood on that stage that I realized how sick I

that stage that I realized how sick I

that stage that I realized how sick I actually was and as funny as that

actually was and as funny as that

actually was and as funny as that chapter ism it was actually one of the

chapter ism it was actually one of the

chapter ism it was actually one of the most difficult chapters to write in the

most difficult chapters to write in the

most difficult chapters to write in the whole book because it was the

whole book because it was the

whole book because it was the realization that stood there naked to

realization that stood there naked to

realization that stood there naked to the world but actually I had some big

the world but actually I had some big

the world but actually I had some big problems and I’d been off work for quite

problems and I’d been off work for quite

problems and I’d been off work for quite a long time at this point and the mental

a long time at this point and the mental

a long time at this point and the mental health team um hadn’t been very

health team um hadn’t been very

health team um hadn’t been very supportive and it was complicated

supportive and it was complicated

supportive and it was complicated getting help to me was complicated and I

getting help to me was complicated and I

getting help to me was complicated and I think there was a general feeling that

think there was a general feeling that

think there was a general feeling that nobody really knew what to do with me

nobody really knew what to do with me

nobody really knew what to do with me and were a bit scared and so basically i

and were a bit scared and so basically i

and were a bit scared and so basically i won’t i came back chef i took this pill

won’t i came back chef i took this pill

won’t i came back chef i took this pill and I after months and months and months

and I after months and months and months

and I after months and months and months of feet going going becoming very

of feet going going becoming very

of feet going going becoming very suicidal I started looking for serial

suicidal I started looking for serial

suicidal I started looking for serial killers because I saw God you know I

killers because I saw God you know I

killers because I saw God you know I don’t know how to kill myself if I could

don’t know how to kill myself if I could

don’t know how to kill myself if I could find a Harold Shipman to do it then at

find a Harold Shipman to do it then at

find a Harold Shipman to do it then at least that would evoke more sympathy

least that would evoke more sympathy

least that would evoke more sympathy than a suicide and I was looking for

than a suicide and I was looking for

than a suicide and I was looking for flats to jump off for a long time what

flats to jump off for a long time what

flats to jump off for a long time what seemed like a long time actual fact I

seemed like a long time actual fact I

seemed like a long time actual fact I think it was just weeks and my mom said

think it was just weeks and my mom said

think it was just weeks and my mom said you know what Cathy need to go back to

you know what Cathy need to go back to

you know what Cathy need to go back to work

work

work so I did I lied to get back to work

so I did I lied to get back to work

so I did I lied to get back to work because i needed that structure i

because i needed that structure i

because i needed that structure i thought i needed that store chair walked

thought i needed that store chair walked

thought i needed that store chair walked in to read verse house sat at my desk

in to read verse house sat at my desk

in to read verse house sat at my desk knowing that I was very unsafe and I was

knowing that I was very unsafe and I was

knowing that I was very unsafe and I was very unwell and I SAT there and open

very unwell and I SAT there and open

very unwell and I SAT there and open these files and they were really serious

these files and they were really serious

these files and they were really serious child protection incidences and they

child protection incidences and they

child protection incidences and they were children that had been sexually

were children that had been sexually

were children that had been sexually abused they were children that had been

abused they were children that had been

abused they were children that had been physically abused and I even went out on

physically abused and I even went out on

physically abused and I even went out on a visit to see one of these families I

a visit to see one of these families I

a visit to see one of these families I was so poorly I was very frightened I

was so poorly I was very frightened I

was so poorly I was very frightened I knew I couldn’t cope and I felt trapped

knew I couldn’t cope and I felt trapped

knew I couldn’t cope and I felt trapped I felt trapped in will but I didn’t know

I felt trapped in will but I didn’t know

I felt trapped in will but I didn’t know where I belonged anymore and to put very

where I belonged anymore and to put very

where I belonged anymore and to put very long story short I went to work one day

long story short I went to work one day

long story short I went to work one day I stood on top of a car park in

I stood on top of a car park in

I stood on top of a car park in Sheffield town centre and I jumped off I

Sheffield town centre and I jumped off I

Sheffield town centre and I jumped off I jumped off approximately 90 feet

jumped off approximately 90 feet

jumped off approximately 90 feet obviously I didn’t get a tape measure

obviously I didn’t get a tape measure

obviously I didn’t get a tape measure out and measure it I’ve been told it’s

out and measure it I’ve been told it’s

out and measure it I’ve been told it’s about 90 feet I landed on my feet I move

about 90 feet I landed on my feet I move

about 90 feet I landed on my feet I move around quite a bit just to take the way

around quite a bit just to take the way

around quite a bit just to take the way on each foot but I I made a real mess of

on each foot but I I made a real mess of

on each foot but I I made a real mess of my body I broke my spine in four places

my body I broke my spine in four places

my body I broke my spine in four places my feet were smashed to bits I survived

my feet were smashed to bits I survived

my feet were smashed to bits I survived we went through hell and it was a very

we went through hell and it was a very

we went through hell and it was a very dark place and you have to go through

dark place and you have to go through

dark place and you have to go through darkness to see the lie you can’t see

darkness to see the lie you can’t see

darkness to see the lie you can’t see light until you’ve experienced darkness

light until you’ve experienced darkness

light until you’ve experienced darkness and we did I did as a fam leg you know

and we did I did as a fam leg you know

and we did I did as a fam leg you know it was a very difficult time for all of

it was a very difficult time for all of

it was a very difficult time for all of us I survived what I knew about what had

us I survived what I knew about what had

us I survived what I knew about what had happened was that there was a huge

happened was that there was a huge

happened was that there was a huge amount of stigma attached to this and

amount of stigma attached to this and

amount of stigma attached to this and actually all like cancer or unlike

actually all like cancer or unlike

actually all like cancer or unlike anything any other illness or disease

anything any other illness or disease

anything any other illness or disease Parkinson’s ms people don’t accommodate

Parkinson’s ms people don’t accommodate

Parkinson’s ms people don’t accommodate you very well when you have a mental

you very well when you have a mental

you very well when you have a mental health problem you know I used to be

health problem you know I used to be

health problem you know I used to be quite sexy used to have lots of male

quite sexy used to have lots of male

quite sexy used to have lots of male attention now I just get like fetish men

attention now I just get like fetish men

attention now I just get like fetish men men that want me to like jump off a sofa

men that want me to like jump off a sofa

men that want me to like jump off a sofa and demonstrate that’s a joke by the way

and demonstrate that’s a joke by the way

and demonstrate that’s a joke by the way you have n to love her nothing really

you have n to love her nothing really

you have n to love her nothing really fat addo gaining man i was just so david

fat addo gaining man i was just so david

fat addo gaining man i was just so david guetta fetish man the first each man

guetta fetish man the first each man

guetta fetish man the first each man will be nicely fight have just been

will be nicely fight have just been

will be nicely fight have just been fumbled with

fumbled with

fumbled with I’m not gonna knickers on hello actually

I’m not gonna knickers on hello actually

I’m not gonna knickers on hello actually nobody phenyl there for a really long

nobody phenyl there for a really long

nobody phenyl there for a really long time so you know stigma is about you

time so you know stigma is about you

time so you know stigma is about you know I had this M I know I’ve gotta go

know I had this M I know I’ve gotta go

know I had this M I know I’ve gotta go soon I’m going to get told off but I had

soon I’m going to get told off but I had

soon I’m going to get told off but I had this in mental health worker that came

this in mental health worker that came

this in mental health worker that came and SAT with me for two years she came

and SAT with me for two years she came

and SAT with me for two years she came and I told her every every couple of

and I told her every every couple of

and I told her every every couple of weeks to get on writing this book i’m

weeks to get on writing this book i’m

weeks to get on writing this book i’m writing this book i started writing

writing this book i started writing

writing this book i started writing cultivating mad cow in the middle of my

cultivating mad cow in the middle of my

cultivating mad cow in the middle of my illness so it really is written from the

illness so it really is written from the

illness so it really is written from the eye of the storm it has got a lot of

eye of the storm it has got a lot of

eye of the storm it has got a lot of swearing be prepared it’s not for your

swearing be prepared it’s not for your

swearing be prepared it’s not for your children and I’d be telling it about

children and I’d be telling it about

children and I’d be telling it about this book and then one day she came and

this book and then one day she came and

this book and then one day she came and I printed it all out on the table and I

I printed it all out on the table and I

I printed it all out on the table and I was so proud and I said you know this is

was so proud and I said you know this is

was so proud and I said you know this is my boss there’s all 15 chapters and she

my boss there’s all 15 chapters and she

my boss there’s all 15 chapters and she said you free in a book I was like I

said you free in a book I was like I

said you free in a book I was like I keep telling you this for two and a half

keep telling you this for two and a half

keep telling you this for two and a half years yeah but Katherine I thought he

years yeah but Katherine I thought he

years yeah but Katherine I thought he was all in your head uh-huh I was a

was all in your head uh-huh I was a

was all in your head uh-huh I was a social worker for God’s sake I went in

social worker for God’s sake I went in

social worker for God’s sake I went in court I was a professional person I

court I was a professional person I

court I was a professional person I don’t suddenly become stupid because

don’t suddenly become stupid because

don’t suddenly become stupid because I’ve had a mental health problem you

I’ve had a mental health problem you

I’ve had a mental health problem you know I’m an intelligent person that’s

know I’m an intelligent person that’s

know I’m an intelligent person that’s had problems of course i can write a

had problems of course i can write a

had problems of course i can write a book you know that’s what stigma looks

book you know that’s what stigma looks

book you know that’s what stigma looks like stigma looks like when you’re not

like stigma looks like when you’re not

like stigma looks like when you’re not allowed to sit on a jury when you can’t

allowed to sit on a jury when you can’t

allowed to sit on a jury when you can’t go to another country without having

go to another country without having

go to another country without having excessive travel insurance you know

excessive travel insurance you know

excessive travel insurance you know stigma looks like when your family

stigma looks like when your family

stigma looks like when your family doesn’t even want to read your book

doesn’t even want to read your book

doesn’t even want to read your book because they can’t face what you’ve done

because they can’t face what you’ve done

because they can’t face what you’ve done if I’d have had cancer that would be

if I’d have had cancer that would be

if I’d have had cancer that would be different but you know what I’m not

different but you know what I’m not

different but you know what I’m not ashamed I am not ashamed that I couldn’t

ashamed I am not ashamed that I couldn’t

ashamed I am not ashamed that I couldn’t cope working in an environment that was

cope working in an environment that was

cope working in an environment that was abnormal and not ashamed that I can’t

abnormal and not ashamed that I can’t

abnormal and not ashamed that I can’t cope working in a system a situation and

cope working in a system a situation and

cope working in a system a situation and a society that actually makes people

a society that actually makes people

a society that actually makes people feel that they have to do so many things

feel that they have to do so many things

feel that they have to do so many things just survive life is so expensive and

just survive life is so expensive and

just survive life is so expensive and when you’re a woman I was a single

when you’re a woman I was a single

when you’re a woman I was a single parent working full-time my trail was in

parent working full-time my trail was in

parent working full-time my trail was in a mess you know I’m not ashamed that I

a mess you know I’m not ashamed that I

a mess you know I’m not ashamed that I can’t go with that

can’t go with that

can’t go with that nobody could cope with what I had to go

nobody could cope with what I had to go

nobody could cope with what I had to go with and what all these social workers

with and what all these social workers

with and what all these social workers have to go with day in day out and other

have to go with day in day out and other

have to go with day in day out and other professionals working on full wine

professionals working on full wine

professionals working on full wine services I am not ashamed and I’m here

services I am not ashamed and I’m here

services I am not ashamed and I’m here today to say that that I’m out and proud

today to say that that I’m out and proud

today to say that that I’m out and proud that I’ve survived and I’m proud that i

that I’ve survived and I’m proud that i

that I’ve survived and I’m proud that i have written this book and I’m proud

have written this book and I’m proud

have written this book and I’m proud that it’s going to be made into a film

that it’s going to be made into a film

that it’s going to be made into a film because I think mental illness isn’t

because I think mental illness isn’t

because I think mental illness isn’t talked about enough and I think we talk

talked about enough and I think we talk

talked about enough and I think we talk about certain aspects are comfortable

about certain aspects are comfortable

about certain aspects are comfortable but I think the most uncomfortable

but I think the most uncomfortable

but I think the most uncomfortable aspects the mental when people like me

aspects the mental when people like me

aspects the mental when people like me that don’t usually survive to stand here

that don’t usually survive to stand here

that don’t usually survive to stand here and tell this story that is

and tell this story that is

and tell this story that is uncomfortable to hear but thank you

uncomfortable to hear but thank you

uncomfortable to hear but thank you thank you for inviting me

”

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