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How Will You Be Remembered | Neelam Tewar | TEDxCityUHongKong


I’m dying my condition has a hundred

I’m dying my condition has a hundred percent mortality rate 100 percent zero

percent mortality rate 100 percent zero

percent mortality rate 100 percent zero survivors it will take everyone who is

survivors it will take everyone who is

survivors it will take everyone who is inflicted by it with it don’t Google

inflicted by it with it don’t Google

inflicted by it with it don’t Google that I’ll tell you what it is because

that I’ll tell you what it is because

that I’ll tell you what it is because I’m very transparent like that my

I’m very transparent like that my

I’m very transparent like that my condition is called being human you all

condition is called being human you all

condition is called being human you all heard of this one being human us humans

heard of this one being human us humans

heard of this one being human us humans are very interesting creatures we’re

are very interesting creatures we’re

are very interesting creatures we’re able to stand here for a minute but be

able to stand here for a minute but be

able to stand here for a minute but be able to project into the future with the

able to project into the future with the

able to project into the future with the power of our mind in fact we can even

power of our mind in fact we can even

power of our mind in fact we can even affect the future just by the power of

affect the future just by the power of

affect the future just by the power of our thought yet on a day-to-day basis

our thought yet on a day-to-day basis

our thought yet on a day-to-day basis we’re able to somehow forget that we’re

we’re able to somehow forget that we’re

we’re able to somehow forget that we’re all eventually gonna die and when we

all eventually gonna die and when we

all eventually gonna die and when we talk about death how do we talk about

talk about death how do we talk about

talk about death how do we talk about this I had a mate call me about two and

this I had a mate call me about two and

this I had a mate call me about two and a half weeks ago and she’s like Neelam

a half weeks ago and she’s like Neelam

a half weeks ago and she’s like Neelam you have to go watch this movie it is so

you have to go watch this movie it is so

you have to go watch this movie it is so hilarious I literally died in my seat

hilarious I literally died in my seat

hilarious I literally died in my seat and I’m thinking dramatically definitely

and I’m thinking dramatically definitely

and I’m thinking dramatically definitely incorrect let’s be honest factually

incorrect let’s be honest factually

incorrect let’s be honest factually absolutely incorrect

absolutely incorrect

absolutely incorrect you cannot be larly dead I’d be talking

you cannot be larly dead I’d be talking

you cannot be larly dead I’d be talking to me either I’m talking to your ghost

to me either I’m talking to your ghost

to me either I’m talking to your ghost or I’m talking to a hologram both creepy

or I’m talking to a hologram both creepy

or I’m talking to a hologram both creepy situations by the way but this cannot be

situations by the way but this cannot be

situations by the way but this cannot be accurate we talked about it in a very

accurate we talked about it in a very

accurate we talked about it in a very whimsical sense the other one I’ve heard

whimsical sense the other one I’ve heard

whimsical sense the other one I’ve heard propagate the interwebs is you only live

propagate the interwebs is you only live

propagate the interwebs is you only live once hashtag Yolo ya defaulters in the

once hashtag Yolo ya defaulters in the

once hashtag Yolo ya defaulters in the room raise your hand now is a good time

room raise your hand now is a good time

room raise your hand now is a good time all right good there’s one please he’s

all right good there’s one please he’s

all right good there’s one please he’s admitting it see I believe you factually

admitting it see I believe you factually

admitting it see I believe you factually probably live only once on paper

probably live only once on paper

probably live only once on paper possibly birth certificate and all that

possibly birth certificate and all that

possibly birth certificate and all that but you can live multitude of lifetime’s

but you can live multitude of lifetime’s

but you can live multitude of lifetime’s within this one

within this one

within this one you can powerpack this life and the we

you can powerpack this life and the we

you can powerpack this life and the we have found in my case at least is by

have found in my case at least is by

have found in my case at least is by dying a little I call these debts micro

dying a little I call these debts micro

dying a little I call these debts micro debts they sound cute because I don’t

debts they sound cute because I don’t

debts they sound cute because I don’t want to make them sound more dramatic

want to make them sound more dramatic

want to make them sound more dramatic but when you’re in a micro debt type of

but when you’re in a micro debt type of

but when you’re in a micro debt type of situation it is the least fun thing on

situation it is the least fun thing on

situation it is the least fun thing on the planet you literally want to run

the planet you literally want to run

the planet you literally want to run away from it I’ve encountered three

away from it I’ve encountered three

away from it I’ve encountered three types of micro debts so far in my life

types of micro debts so far in my life

types of micro debts so far in my life the first type of micro debt is an

the first type of micro debt is an

the first type of micro debt is an existential type of micro death in this

existential type of micro death in this

existential type of micro death in this situation everything you believe in

situation everything you believe in

situation everything you believe in everything you were taught comes into

everything you were taught comes into

everything you were taught comes into question

question

question you’re completely thrown off your game

you’re completely thrown off your game

you’re completely thrown off your game it’s almost like the matrix scene where

it’s almost like the matrix scene where

it’s almost like the matrix scene where Morpheus is sitting across from neo and

Morpheus is sitting across from neo and

Morpheus is sitting across from neo and ask him to pick between the blue and the

ask him to pick between the blue and the

ask him to pick between the blue and the red pill you all know what I’m talking

red pill you all know what I’m talking

red pill you all know what I’m talking about

about

about exactly red pill means you see the truth

exactly red pill means you see the truth

exactly red pill means you see the truth you can’t back off from the truth that’s

you can’t back off from the truth that’s

you can’t back off from the truth that’s an existential death for me my extension

an existential death for me my extension

an existential death for me my extension death showed up when I started my first

death showed up when I started my first

death showed up when I started my first job I came from a small town in Africa

job I came from a small town in Africa

job I came from a small town in Africa and of course I couldn’t do things like

and of course I couldn’t do things like

and of course I couldn’t do things like low-key right I had to go to the biggest

low-key right I had to go to the biggest

low-key right I had to go to the biggest badass city in the world and I see yeah

badass city in the world and I see yeah

badass city in the world and I see yeah that’s not like vanilla that I just went

that’s not like vanilla that I just went

that’s not like vanilla that I just went straight for the jugular and in New York

straight for the jugular and in New York

straight for the jugular and in New York City I experienced not only you know

City I experienced not only you know

City I experienced not only you know existential death but also a spiritual

existential death but also a spiritual

existential death but also a spiritual death emotional death cultural death I

death emotional death cultural death I

death emotional death cultural death I don’t know where I belong and I’m this

don’t know where I belong and I’m this

don’t know where I belong and I’m this like brown kid raised in Africa and I’m

like brown kid raised in Africa and I’m

like brown kid raised in Africa and I’m going to New York

going to New York

going to New York I don’t even sound like anything

I don’t even sound like anything

I don’t even sound like anything anyone’s familiar with but what brought

anyone’s familiar with but what brought

anyone’s familiar with but what brought about my real existential death was

about my real existential death was

about my real existential death was being in a work environment that I did

being in a work environment that I did

being in a work environment that I did not connect with I had absolutely no

not connect with I had absolutely no

not connect with I had absolutely no idea what my time was contributing

idea what my time was contributing

idea what my time was contributing toward who on earth am i impacting by

toward who on earth am i impacting by

toward who on earth am i impacting by working in barbarous pharmaceutical

working in barbarous pharmaceutical

working in barbarous pharmaceutical advertising where is my time going and

advertising where is my time going and

advertising where is my time going and that spiraled the next few deaths the

that spiraled the next few deaths the

that spiraled the next few deaths the one biggest thing in existential that

one biggest thing in existential that

one biggest thing in existential that can give you is one question Who am I

can give you is one question Who am I

can give you is one question Who am I and you will not be able to answer it

and you will not be able to answer it

and you will not be able to answer it overnight

overnight

overnight it takes some time it takes some courage

it takes some time it takes some courage

it takes some time it takes some courage it takes some presence then came about

it takes some presence then came about

it takes some presence then came about the second type of Micro death called

the second type of Micro death called

the second type of Micro death called the death of the mind when you’re in a

the death of the mind when you’re in a

the death of the mind when you’re in a cyclical pattern where you’re trying to

cyclical pattern where you’re trying to

cyclical pattern where you’re trying to figure things out and you do know where

figure things out and you do know where

figure things out and you do know where to turn and you’re asking those bigger

to turn and you’re asking those bigger

to turn and you’re asking those bigger questions that you can’t just open a

questions that you can’t just open a

questions that you can’t just open a book for and say all right page number

book for and say all right page number

book for and say all right page number 45 section 2 that’s the answer to this

45 section 2 that’s the answer to this

45 section 2 that’s the answer to this question Who am I

question Who am I

question Who am I it flips you over a little bit right

it flips you over a little bit right

it flips you over a little bit right because otherwise you’re watching

because otherwise you’re watching

because otherwise you’re watching everybody else go along their lives do

everybody else go along their lives do

everybody else go along their lives do their thing they don’t care they’re not

their thing they don’t care they’re not

their thing they don’t care they’re not thinking about these things and you’re

thinking about these things and you’re

thinking about these things and you’re thinking dude I think I’m the weird one

thinking dude I think I’m the weird one

thinking dude I think I’m the weird one right when the mind gets numb and the

right when the mind gets numb and the

right when the mind gets numb and the mind gets fractured our ability to take

mind gets fractured our ability to take

mind gets fractured our ability to take the most simplest and most basic

the most simplest and most basic

the most simplest and most basic decisions get affected and that means

decisions get affected and that means

decisions get affected and that means that sometimes we cannot even choose

that sometimes we cannot even choose

that sometimes we cannot even choose between right and wrong

between right and wrong

between right and wrong and it’s it scary because we make

and it’s it scary because we make

and it’s it scary because we make decisions that would self self sabotage

decisions that would self self sabotage

decisions that would self self sabotage us for me during this time as I was

us for me during this time as I was

us for me during this time as I was grappling with these questions and

grappling with these questions and

grappling with these questions and figuring out who am i what am i doing

figuring out who am i what am i doing

figuring out who am i what am i doing here

here

here an unexpected visitor showed up in my

an unexpected visitor showed up in my

an unexpected visitor showed up in my life too

life too

life too I like to call him hashtag frenemy yeah

I like to call him hashtag frenemy yeah

I like to call him hashtag frenemy yeah he’d show up when I was happy sad

he’d show up when I was happy sad

he’d show up when I was happy sad whatever he didn’t care about what I was

whatever he didn’t care about what I was

whatever he didn’t care about what I was going through or what I was thinking

going through or what I was thinking

going through or what I was thinking about and his name is depression for

about and his name is depression for

about and his name is depression for anyone by the way who is grappling with

anyone by the way who is grappling with

anyone by the way who is grappling with this condition please know I’m standing

this condition please know I’m standing

this condition please know I’m standing here in front of you as proof that it is

here in front of you as proof that it is

here in front of you as proof that it is okay you will be okay

okay you will be okay

okay you will be okay and don’t let anyone marginalize your

and don’t let anyone marginalize your

and don’t let anyone marginalize your emotion or your story so this guy would

emotion or your story so this guy would

emotion or your story so this guy would show up and he wouldn’t show up like

show up and he wouldn’t show up like

show up and he wouldn’t show up like regular you know he’d come with anxiety

regular you know he’d come with anxiety

regular you know he’d come with anxiety he’d bring self-doubt he’d bring fear

he’d bring self-doubt he’d bring fear

he’d bring self-doubt he’d bring fear then be like here’s a pint of Ben and

then be like here’s a pint of Ben and

then be like here’s a pint of Ben and Jerry’s nilaam don’t move for the next

Jerry’s nilaam don’t move for the next

Jerry’s nilaam don’t move for the next five days yet had to be functional

five days yet had to be functional

five days yet had to be functional forward the next day that was my second

forward the next day that was my second

forward the next day that was my second micro death I also guarantee you you all

micro death I also guarantee you you all

micro death I also guarantee you you all have seen all three micro deaths if you

have seen all three micro deaths if you

have seen all three micro deaths if you haven’t maybe you’ve seen one of them

haven’t maybe you’ve seen one of them

haven’t maybe you’ve seen one of them and if you still not seen any of them

and if you still not seen any of them

and if you still not seen any of them wait for it it will find you

wait for it it will find you

wait for it it will find you the third type of Micra death for me

the third type of Micra death for me

the third type of Micra death for me showed up on June 11th 2015-2016 I was

showed up on June 11th 2015-2016 I was

showed up on June 11th 2015-2016 I was hunched over my writing desk and I

hunched over my writing desk and I

hunched over my writing desk and I dialed my dad now how’s my dad hey Dad

dialed my dad now how’s my dad hey Dad

dialed my dad now how’s my dad hey Dad how are you my dad obviously didn’t

how are you my dad obviously didn’t

how are you my dad obviously didn’t realize was a rhetorical question so he

realize was a rhetorical question so he

realize was a rhetorical question so he really told me how he was so it’s

really told me how he was so it’s

really told me how he was so it’s somewhere between him talking listen man

somewhere between him talking listen man

somewhere between him talking listen man parents somewhere between him talking

parents somewhere between him talking

parents somewhere between him talking about his laundry and making a trip to

about his laundry and making a trip to

about his laundry and making a trip to Walmart the next day I had to interject

Walmart the next day I had to interject

Walmart the next day I had to interject and I was like dad you got a minute

and I was like dad you got a minute

and I was like dad you got a minute he’s like of course sweetheart I have

he’s like of course sweetheart I have

he’s like of course sweetheart I have all the time in the world for you that

all the time in the world for you that

all the time in the world for you that moment all my walls broke down and all I

moment all my walls broke down and all I

moment all my walls broke down and all I kept saying on repeat was I can’t do

kept saying on repeat was I can’t do

kept saying on repeat was I can’t do this anymore

this anymore

this anymore I can’t do this anymore I can’t be here

I can’t do this anymore I can’t be here

I can’t do this anymore I can’t be here anymore I have done so much to preserve

anymore I have done so much to preserve

anymore I have done so much to preserve Who I am

Who I am

Who I am despite all the experiences I’ve seen in

despite all the experiences I’ve seen in

despite all the experiences I’ve seen in this life that have made me feel

this life that have made me feel

this life that have made me feel otherwise I just cannot do this anymore

otherwise I just cannot do this anymore

otherwise I just cannot do this anymore and I just kept saying I cannot do this

and I just kept saying I cannot do this

and I just kept saying I cannot do this anymore I cannot do this anymore I

anymore I cannot do this anymore I

anymore I cannot do this anymore I cannot do this anymore

cannot do this anymore

cannot do this anymore as a parent you just imagine if my

as a parent you just imagine if my

as a parent you just imagine if my father’s thinking about getting on the

father’s thinking about getting on the

father’s thinking about getting on the LIRR to get to me ASAP but that started

LIRR to get to me ASAP but that started

LIRR to get to me ASAP but that started a beautiful round of conversation and he

a beautiful round of conversation and he

a beautiful round of conversation and he asked me what happened I told him what I

asked me what happened I told him what I

asked me what happened I told him what I was grappling with in my life honestly

was grappling with in my life honestly

was grappling with in my life honestly that this is the issue at one point I

that this is the issue at one point I

that this is the issue at one point I even told him like there was a guy I

even told him like there was a guy I

even told him like there was a guy I liked he didn’t like me back that was a

liked he didn’t like me back that was a

liked he didn’t like me back that was a topical issue right start the problem

topical issue right start the problem

topical issue right start the problem and my father obviously in responses

and my father obviously in responses

and my father obviously in responses like who is this guy wait for it though

like who is this guy wait for it though

like who is this guy wait for it though send me his LinkedIn profile and his

send me his LinkedIn profile and his

send me his LinkedIn profile and his brave facebook profile at once like that

brave facebook profile at once like that

brave facebook profile at once like that is some serious stuff but I walked away

is some serious stuff but I walked away

is some serious stuff but I walked away from that conversation and packed my

from that conversation and packed my

from that conversation and packed my bags my apartment of over seven years in

bags my apartment of over seven years in

bags my apartment of over seven years in New York City two bags precisely two

New York City two bags precisely two

New York City two bags precisely two weeks after I had a chat with my dad

weeks after I had a chat with my dad

weeks after I had a chat with my dad HR called me in the room at my that at

HR called me in the room at my that at

HR called me in the room at my that at my job at that point and was like hey

my job at that point and was like hey

my job at that point and was like hey Neil um this is not working out and for

Neil um this is not working out and for

Neil um this is not working out and for the first time in my life I actually

the first time in my life I actually

the first time in my life I actually said hell yeah

said hell yeah

said hell yeah I’m working out from me to for the first

I’m working out from me to for the first

I’m working out from me to for the first time in over 12 years I’ve said that and

time in over 12 years I’ve said that and

time in over 12 years I’ve said that and when I walked out of the room I was

when I walked out of the room I was

when I walked out of the room I was flying and if I was and maybe like the

flying and if I was and maybe like the

flying and if I was and maybe like the office space or something like that I’d

office space or something like that I’d

office space or something like that I’d be throwing staplers and people’s papers

be throwing staplers and people’s papers

be throwing staplers and people’s papers from their desks my hair would be

from their desks my hair would be

from their desks my hair would be flipping in the wind you know it felt

flipping in the wind you know it felt

flipping in the wind you know it felt that dramatic in that moment but I left

that dramatic in that moment but I left

that dramatic in that moment but I left that place I said that I would write a

that place I said that I would write a

that place I said that I would write a book someday I’ve written my first book

book someday I’ve written my first book

book someday I’ve written my first book since then I said I would travel the

since then I said I would travel the

since then I said I would travel the world I am doing exactly that I said I

world I am doing exactly that I said I

world I am doing exactly that I said I would work for myself I’m doing that too

would work for myself I’m doing that too

would work for myself I’m doing that too I said when I turned 60 I will go to

I said when I turned 60 I will go to

I said when I turned 60 I will go to India and open my not-for-profit that

India and open my not-for-profit that

India and open my not-for-profit that will help kids with education and

will help kids with education and

will help kids with education and mentorship and vocational skills a month

mentorship and vocational skills a month

mentorship and vocational skills a month and a half ago I got approval at the

and a half ago I got approval at the

and a half ago I got approval at the first level to operate and my lawyer

first level to operate and my lawyer

first level to operate and my lawyer said it was ok to talk about it now

said it was ok to talk about it now

said it was ok to talk about it now because it was it got the first round of

because it was it got the first round of

because it was it got the first round of approval

[Applause]

[Applause] I’m not standing in front of you today

I’m not standing in front of you today

I’m not standing in front of you today as a before-and-after story I will never

as a before-and-after story I will never

as a before-and-after story I will never be that I will always be a work in

be that I will always be a work in

be that I will always be a work in progress and I’m very content with it

because there’s no other place to go

because there’s no other place to go right we’re in this little continuum and

right we’re in this little continuum and

right we’re in this little continuum and the end is already predetermined we’re

the end is already predetermined we’re

the end is already predetermined we’re just making array there I can tell you

just making array there I can tell you

just making array there I can tell you for a fact when people ask me how do you

for a fact when people ask me how do you

for a fact when people ask me how do you do it all you must have been so

do it all you must have been so

do it all you must have been so courageous and I tell them it’s never

courageous and I tell them it’s never

courageous and I tell them it’s never the courage to act it’s the courage to

the courage to act it’s the courage to

the courage to act it’s the courage to listen hard and strong and not edit

listen hard and strong and not edit

listen hard and strong and not edit anything that is moving through you

anything that is moving through you

anything that is moving through you anything that’s being communicated to

anything that’s being communicated to

anything that’s being communicated to you don’t push that away listen hard

you don’t push that away listen hard

you don’t push that away listen hard when you listen you have the ability to

when you listen you have the ability to

when you listen you have the ability to introspect to assess and then go from

introspect to assess and then go from

introspect to assess and then go from that place and you push outward with

that place and you push outward with

that place and you push outward with gentleness with intention with kindness

gentleness with intention with kindness

gentleness with intention with kindness with compassion that’s how you push

with compassion that’s how you push

with compassion that’s how you push outwards I have no regrets I have no

outwards I have no regrets I have no

outwards I have no regrets I have no regrets about a boss yelling at me or

regrets about a boss yelling at me or

regrets about a boss yelling at me or anything he’s probably still got that

anything he’s probably still got that

anything he’s probably still got that same job poor him hashtag you know my

same job poor him hashtag you know my

same job poor him hashtag you know my depression still shows up but now when

depression still shows up but now when

depression still shows up but now when he comes and he’s like really chill

he comes and he’s like really chill

he comes and he’s like really chill he wears good bling him and I chat over

he wears good bling him and I chat over

he wears good bling him and I chat over a cup of tea now he brings me a green

a cup of tea now he brings me a green

a cup of tea now he brings me a green juice instead of pint of instead of a

juice instead of pint of instead of a

juice instead of pint of instead of a pint of ice cream we’re getting back on

pint of ice cream we’re getting back on

pint of ice cream we’re getting back on track and then when he’s leaving he’s

track and then when he’s leaving he’s

track and then when he’s leaving he’s like yo I’ll see you and I’ll see you

like yo I’ll see you and I’ll see you

like yo I’ll see you and I’ll see you I’m quite happy with that by the way

I’m quite happy with that by the way

I’m quite happy with that by the way come on ever you want to I can tell you

come on ever you want to I can tell you

come on ever you want to I can tell you these micro debts have a way of

these micro debts have a way of

these micro debts have a way of stripping you have a way of exposing

stripping you have a way of exposing

stripping you have a way of exposing here and making you naked and making you

here and making you naked and making you

here and making you naked and making you just stand and your own blood sweat and

just stand and your own blood sweat and

just stand and your own blood sweat and tears and show up as you are and it’s a

tears and show up as you are and it’s a

tears and show up as you are and it’s a very scary thought for many of us to

very scary thought for many of us to

very scary thought for many of us to think about ourselves in that space

think about ourselves in that space

think about ourselves in that space because we’re so cluttered so cluttered

because we’re so cluttered so cluttered

because we’re so cluttered so cluttered with the noise social media instafamous

with the noise social media instafamous

with the noise social media instafamous Facebook and whatever by the way I do

Facebook and whatever by the way I do

Facebook and whatever by the way I do default also everyone has a bit of an

default also everyone has a bit of an

default also everyone has a bit of an addiction now and then but we’re so so

addiction now and then but we’re so so

addiction now and then but we’re so so completely immersed in that world we

completely immersed in that world we

completely immersed in that world we don’t even see beyond that my mic her

don’t even see beyond that my mic her

don’t even see beyond that my mic her dad’s taught me

dad’s taught me

dad’s taught me a few things the first it taught me is

a few things the first it taught me is

a few things the first it taught me is to feel it all no matter what feel

to feel it all no matter what feel

to feel it all no matter what feel everything don’t subtract any aspect of

everything don’t subtract any aspect of

everything don’t subtract any aspect of your story own every part of it don’t

your story own every part of it don’t

your story own every part of it don’t anything it don’t edit anything out if

anything it don’t edit anything out if

anything it don’t edit anything out if anyone dares to edit any part of your

anyone dares to edit any part of your

anyone dares to edit any part of your story tell them to you know what I was

story tell them to you know what I was

story tell them to you know what I was gonna say back off but you all can pick

gonna say back off but you all can pick

gonna say back off but you all can pick your old words I mean have the courage

your old words I mean have the courage

your old words I mean have the courage to pluck your own heart out stand in

to pluck your own heart out stand in

to pluck your own heart out stand in front of the world and show the world

front of the world and show the world

front of the world and show the world your heart bleeding and traumatized

your heart bleeding and traumatized

your heart bleeding and traumatized scared and terrified full and breaking

scared and terrified full and breaking

scared and terrified full and breaking at all at once have the courage to pull

at all at once have the courage to pull

at all at once have the courage to pull it out show the world who you are

it out show the world who you are

it out show the world who you are this is what changes the world us being

this is what changes the world us being

this is what changes the world us being who we are and you say this is who I am

who we are and you say this is who I am

who we are and you say this is who I am accept me as I am deal with it if not

accept me as I am deal with it if not

accept me as I am deal with it if not get out of my way the other thing that

get out of my way the other thing that

get out of my way the other thing that these micro debts have taught me it’s to

these micro debts have taught me it’s to

these micro debts have taught me it’s to risk it all when the time comes when the

risk it all when the time comes when the

risk it all when the time comes when the moment arrives don’t flinch but it will

moment arrives don’t flinch but it will

moment arrives don’t flinch but it will plunge come on make it happen and if

plunge come on make it happen and if

plunge come on make it happen and if you’re low risk you know if you’re

you’re low risk you know if you’re

you’re low risk you know if you’re risk-averse that’s fine plan it out but

risk-averse that’s fine plan it out but

risk-averse that’s fine plan it out but take the step the other thing my micro

take the step the other thing my micro

take the step the other thing my micro death has taught me is you must be

death has taught me is you must be

death has taught me is you must be willing to walk away walk away from

willing to walk away walk away from

willing to walk away walk away from anything that insults the very fabric of

anything that insults the very fabric of

anything that insults the very fabric of your soul of who you are that includes

your soul of who you are that includes

your soul of who you are that includes friends relationships jobs cities

friends relationships jobs cities

friends relationships jobs cities countries all of it comes into under

countries all of it comes into under

countries all of it comes into under that category the other thing my microd

that category the other thing my microd

that category the other thing my microd has taught me was it is a thousand

has taught me was it is a thousand

has taught me was it is a thousand percent no wait gazillion percent okay

percent no wait gazillion percent okay

percent no wait gazillion percent okay for you to change your mind

for you to change your mind

for you to change your mind absolutely okay for you to change your

absolutely okay for you to change your

absolutely okay for you to change your mind the only caveat to that is don’t

mind the only caveat to that is don’t

mind the only caveat to that is don’t change your mind because you’re scared

change your mind because you’re scared

change your mind because you’re scared of doing something change your mind

of doing something change your mind

of doing something change your mind because it doesn’t agree with the very

because it doesn’t agree with the very

because it doesn’t agree with the very essence of who you are the last thing

essence of who you are the last thing

essence of who you are the last thing which is kind of twofold that my micro

which is kind of twofold that my micro

which is kind of twofold that my micro debts have taught me is forgive

debts have taught me is forgive

debts have taught me is forgive find a way to forgive someone who has

find a way to forgive someone who has

find a way to forgive someone who has done you the greatest harm you can sit

done you the greatest harm you can sit

done you the greatest harm you can sit there and say but Neelam you have no

there and say but Neelam you have no

there and say but Neelam you have no idea what someone did to me and I don’t

idea what someone did to me and I don’t

idea what someone did to me and I don’t absolutely know I’m not living in your

absolutely know I’m not living in your

absolutely know I’m not living in your world I get it

world I get it

world I get it but I can tell you when you forgive you

but I can tell you when you forgive you

but I can tell you when you forgive you create the space for the most important

create the space for the most important

create the space for the most important thing to show up and that is love and

thing to show up and that is love and

thing to show up and that is love and I’m not talking about like you know

I’m not talking about like you know

I’m not talking about like you know girlfriend boyfriend love I’m not

girlfriend boyfriend love I’m not

girlfriend boyfriend love I’m not talking about parental love I’m talking

talking about parental love I’m talking

talking about parental love I’m talking about love as a state of being where you

about love as a state of being where you

about love as a state of being where you are almost unaffected and detached from

are almost unaffected and detached from

are almost unaffected and detached from results and judgment so my wish for all

results and judgment so my wish for all

results and judgment so my wish for all of you is that you embrace discomfort

of you is that you embrace discomfort

of you is that you embrace discomfort and you contextualize your pain and you

and you contextualize your pain and you

and you contextualize your pain and you feel things deeply because it is the

feel things deeply because it is the

feel things deeply because it is the ones who feel deeply that will affect

ones who feel deeply that will affect

ones who feel deeply that will affect the course of humanity over the next

the course of humanity over the next

the course of humanity over the next decade and maybe the decade after that

decade and maybe the decade after that

decade and maybe the decade after that to come as well my wish for you is that

to come as well my wish for you is that

to come as well my wish for you is that you do not seek stability guarantees

you do not seek stability guarantees

you do not seek stability guarantees embrace uncertainty the only guarantee

embrace uncertainty the only guarantee

embrace uncertainty the only guarantee we have is mr. death right over here we

we have is mr. death right over here we

we have is mr. death right over here we don’t know when he’s showing up had I

don’t know when he’s showing up had I

don’t know when he’s showing up had I had the guarantee of birth like listen

had the guarantee of birth like listen

had the guarantee of birth like listen I’d be trending on BuzzFeed if I knew it

I’d be trending on BuzzFeed if I knew it

I’d be trending on BuzzFeed if I knew it was going to be born like 10 times

was going to be born like 10 times

was going to be born like 10 times Neelam knew that she was going to be

Neelam knew that she was going to be

Neelam knew that she was going to be born and how awesome that was in gifts

born and how awesome that was in gifts

born and how awesome that was in gifts of course my wish for you is that you

of course my wish for you is that you

of course my wish for you is that you become resilient and you don’t distract

become resilient and you don’t distract

become resilient and you don’t distract yourself from the things that are not

yourself from the things that are not

yourself from the things that are not important my wish for you is for you to

important my wish for you is for you to

important my wish for you is for you to know that you are needed here your story

know that you are needed here your story

know that you are needed here your story matters who you are matters maybe you

matters who you are matters maybe you

matters who you are matters maybe you might not think of yourself that way

might not think of yourself that way

might not think of yourself that way right now my mother wants I hast her

right now my mother wants I hast her

right now my mother wants I hast her like hey why am I so different why can’t

like hey why am I so different why can’t

like hey why am I so different why can’t I want everything everyone else wants

I want everything everyone else wants

I want everything everyone else wants why can’t I be regular it would be so

why can’t I be regular it would be so

why can’t I be regular it would be so much easier right

much easier right

much easier right and my mother says to me you know when

and my mother says to me you know when

and my mother says to me you know when you’re in my room I wanted a daughter I

you’re in my room I wanted a daughter I

you’re in my room I wanted a daughter I come from a country where they still

come from a country where they still

come from a country where they still practice female infanticide so as far as

practice female infanticide so as far as

practice female infanticide so as far as I’m concerned when I was born on 22nd

I’m concerned when I was born on 22nd

I’m concerned when I was born on 22nd May I already got a bonus life over the

May I already got a bonus life over the

May I already got a bonus life over the life

life

life was already given so is living a bonus

was already given so is living a bonus

was already given so is living a bonus life on my first day on this planet and

life on my first day on this planet and

life on my first day on this planet and ever since then I’ve received many lives

ever since then I’ve received many lives

ever since then I’ve received many lives many many lives so when someone says

many many lives so when someone says

many many lives so when someone says hashtag Yolo I’m like yo no I don’t

hashtag Yolo I’m like yo no I don’t

hashtag Yolo I’m like yo no I don’t agree with that you guys be careful if I

agree with that you guys be careful if I

agree with that you guys be careful if I catch you guys doing hashtag Yolo I’ve

catch you guys doing hashtag Yolo I’ve

catch you guys doing hashtag Yolo I’ve got all your names you are needed here

got all your names you are needed here

got all your names you are needed here you’re absolutely needed here be patient

you’re absolutely needed here be patient

you’re absolutely needed here be patient have the courage to try something new

have the courage to try something new

have the courage to try something new it’s fine you’ll fail you’ll fall flat

it’s fine you’ll fail you’ll fall flat

it’s fine you’ll fail you’ll fall flat on your face who cares and my

on your face who cares and my

on your face who cares and my penultimate wish for you all if I may

penultimate wish for you all if I may

penultimate wish for you all if I may say so is that when that Buzzard rings

say so is that when that Buzzard rings

say so is that when that Buzzard rings with your name on it or if it’s a dove

with your name on it or if it’s a dove

with your name on it or if it’s a dove carrying a note card with your name on

carrying a note card with your name on

carrying a note card with your name on it I hope you’re already living the draw

it I hope you’re already living the draw

it I hope you’re already living the draw the life you’ve imagined I hope you’re

the life you’ve imagined I hope you’re

the life you’ve imagined I hope you’re saying something like oMG hashtag oMG I

saying something like oMG hashtag oMG I

saying something like oMG hashtag oMG I did this yo this was adventures I did it

did this yo this was adventures I did it

did this yo this was adventures I did it I showed up and I rocked it I did my

I showed up and I rocked it I did my

I showed up and I rocked it I did my part and now my legacy takes over with

part and now my legacy takes over with

part and now my legacy takes over with that I’m out guys are awesome thank you

that I’m out guys are awesome thank you

that I’m out guys are awesome thank you for reading

for reading

for reading you

”

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