[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] it was September in 1999 and I was the
it was September in 1999 and I was the
it was September in 1999 and I was the new principal assigned to a small school
new principal assigned to a small school
new principal assigned to a small school in an urban setting in a big city this
in an urban setting in a big city this
in an urban setting in a big city this small school had four stories 1st
small school had four stories 1st
small school had four stories 1st through 4th stories and an elevator that
through 4th stories and an elevator that
through 4th stories and an elevator that ran down the middle
ran down the middle
ran down the middle lucky for us and I was invited to come
lucky for us and I was invited to come
lucky for us and I was invited to come and see a classroom and a teacher in
and see a classroom and a teacher in
and see a classroom and a teacher in action I was anxious to see what was
action I was anxious to see what was
action I was anxious to see what was going to happen she was going to give a
going to happen she was going to give a
going to happen she was going to give a lesson to the children and then set them
lesson to the children and then set them
lesson to the children and then set them off on a big project and this particular
off on a big project and this particular
off on a big project and this particular teacher his classroom was on the first
teacher his classroom was on the first
teacher his classroom was on the first floor and there was another classroom on
floor and there was another classroom on
floor and there was another classroom on the first floor they both worked
the first floor they both worked
the first floor they both worked together off and on and the two of them
together off and on and the two of them
together off and on and the two of them had a lot of tension between each other
had a lot of tension between each other
had a lot of tension between each other I had heard that there were tensions
I had heard that there were tensions
I had heard that there were tensions going on over the years I had also
going on over the years I had also
going on over the years I had also noticed as I came into the school that
noticed as I came into the school that
noticed as I came into the school that in general there were people around the
in general there were people around the
in general there were people around the school that weren’t getting along so
school that weren’t getting along so
school that weren’t getting along so that was something I was interested in
that was something I was interested in
that was something I was interested in learning more about well I came into the
learning more about well I came into the
learning more about well I came into the classroom and I sat down in the back and
classroom and I sat down in the back and
classroom and I sat down in the back and was excited to see what would happen and
was excited to see what would happen and
was excited to see what would happen and what really happened was this teacher
what really happened was this teacher
what really happened was this teacher began to present a lesson but she was
began to present a lesson but she was
began to present a lesson but she was very emotional it almost looked like she
very emotional it almost looked like she
very emotional it almost looked like she was going to cry and she was clearly
was going to cry and she was clearly
was going to cry and she was clearly stressed
stressed
stressed what I noticed next is that there was a
what I noticed next is that there was a
what I noticed next is that there was a ripple effect with the children and they
ripple effect with the children and they
ripple effect with the children and they were becoming stressed and actually kind
were becoming stressed and actually kind
were becoming stressed and actually kind of out of sync and so there was clearly
of out of sync and so there was clearly
of out of sync and so there was clearly something going on
something going on
something going on and I was anxious to get to the bottom
and I was anxious to get to the bottom
and I was anxious to get to the bottom of it so at the end when the class was
of it so at the end when the class was
of it so at the end when the class was dismissed I caught her in the hallway
dismissed I caught her in the hallway
dismissed I caught her in the hallway and I said you know come on in to my
and I said you know come on in to my
and I said you know come on in to my office tomorrow morning and let’s talk
office tomorrow morning and let’s talk
office tomorrow morning and let’s talk about how it went yesterday and so she
about how it went yesterday and so she
about how it went yesterday and so she did she came in to my office and sat
did she came in to my office and sat
did she came in to my office and sat down and I said well you seemed very
down and I said well you seemed very
down and I said well you seemed very stressed yesterday what do you think was
stressed yesterday what do you think was
stressed yesterday what do you think was going on with you and she started to
going on with you and she started to
going on with you and she started to talk and then she stopped and then she
talk and then she stopped and then she
talk and then she stopped and then she started to cry and she really just
started to cry and she really just
started to cry and she really just melted down before my eyes and I said
melted down before my eyes and I said
melted down before my eyes and I said well what do you think is going on here
well what do you think is going on here
well what do you think is going on here and she said well I’m not getting along
and she said well I’m not getting along
and she said well I’m not getting along with this other teacher and what
with this other teacher and what
with this other teacher and what happened yesterday just was the tipping
happened yesterday just was the tipping
happened yesterday just was the tipping point it sent me off over the edge and
point it sent me off over the edge and
point it sent me off over the edge and so she explained what happened
so she explained what happened
so she explained what happened apparently they had both gotten on to
apparently they had both gotten on to
apparently they had both gotten on to the elevator on the second floor
the elevator on the second floor
the elevator on the second floor together and she had pressed first floor
together and she had pressed first floor
together and she had pressed first floor and the other teacher had pressed fourth
and the other teacher had pressed fourth
and the other teacher had pressed fourth floor well the other teacher turned to
floor well the other teacher turned to
floor well the other teacher turned to her and said oh I’m on my way up and you
her and said oh I’m on my way up and you
her and said oh I’m on my way up and you are on your way down
and so that was the tipping point of
and so that was the tipping point of tensions between them and she had never
tensions between them and she had never
tensions between them and she had never really gone to the teacher and shared
really gone to the teacher and shared
really gone to the teacher and shared with her you know what was bothering her
with her you know what was bothering her
with her you know what was bothering her over all these months so I asked myself
over all these months so I asked myself
over all these months so I asked myself two questions what was going on with
two questions what was going on with
two questions what was going on with this and also how was I going to fix it
this and also how was I going to fix it
this and also how was I going to fix it so that’s an interesting question I
so that’s an interesting question I
so that’s an interesting question I bring those answers today to you because
bring those answers today to you because
bring those answers today to you because we’re going to go on a journey of
we’re going to go on a journey of
we’re going to go on a journey of talking about some of the solutions so
talking about some of the solutions so
talking about some of the solutions so our work in education is to so-called
our work in education is to so-called
our work in education is to so-called prepare children for the 21st century
prepare children for the 21st century
prepare children for the 21st century were already in it and actually what we
were already in it and actually what we
were already in it and actually what we should be doing is preparing children to
should be doing is preparing children to
should be doing is preparing children to transform the 21st century thank you
transform the 21st century thank you
transform the 21st century thank you [Music]
[Music]
[Music] and how can we transform the 21st
and how can we transform the 21st
and how can we transform the 21st century when we haven’t transformed
century when we haven’t transformed
century when we haven’t transformed ourselves in the workplace actually in
ourselves in the workplace actually in
ourselves in the workplace actually in schools it’s extremely important that we
schools it’s extremely important that we
schools it’s extremely important that we as the adults in the school are the role
as the adults in the school are the role
as the adults in the school are the role model for the children well the next
model for the children well the next
model for the children well the next thing that happened that fall was that I
thing that happened that fall was that I
thing that happened that fall was that I received an amazing invitation and this
received an amazing invitation and this
received an amazing invitation and this invitation was for all the principals in
invitation was for all the principals in
invitation was for all the principals in this city to come together to study
this city to come together to study
this city to come together to study about the work of dr. Marie Bowen dr.
about the work of dr. Marie Bowen dr.
about the work of dr. Marie Bowen dr. Marie Bowen was a psychiatrist in the
Marie Bowen was a psychiatrist in the
Marie Bowen was a psychiatrist in the 50s who made an enormous discovery that
50s who made an enormous discovery that
50s who made an enormous discovery that discovery was that if you work with a
discovery was that if you work with a
discovery was that if you work with a family system rather than just a
family system rather than just a
family system rather than just a particular person who is ill especially
particular person who is ill especially
particular person who is ill especially mentally ill that interestingly the
mentally ill that interestingly the
mentally ill that interestingly the person got better so there was this
person got better so there was this
person got better so there was this understanding with Murray Bowen that we
understanding with Murray Bowen that we
understanding with Murray Bowen that we are all as human beings deeply deeply
are all as human beings deeply deeply
are all as human beings deeply deeply interconnected and I think we’re
interconnected and I think we’re
interconnected and I think we’re starting to all know this in the world
starting to all know this in the world
starting to all know this in the world but what was notable about this was that
but what was notable about this was that
but what was notable about this was that we have this phenomenon in our families
we have this phenomenon in our families
we have this phenomenon in our families but also a school is a larger family
but also a school is a larger family
but also a school is a larger family system they’re really anywhere that
system they’re really anywhere that
system they’re really anywhere that we’re working in a workplace we have a
we’re working in a workplace we have a
we’re working in a workplace we have a family system that is about us as adults
family system that is about us as adults
family system that is about us as adults so what is interesting about this
so what is interesting about this
so what is interesting about this discovery is that there is an emotional
discovery is that there is an emotional
discovery is that there is an emotional force field that runs through all the
force field that runs through all the
force field that runs through all the humans in the family system there’s a
humans in the family system there’s a
humans in the family system there’s a force field you remember the Star Wars
force field you remember the Star Wars
force field you remember the Star Wars the force be with you
the force be with you
the force be with you yeah so that that force field is a
yeah so that that force field is a
yeah so that that force field is a emotional field that runs through all of
emotional field that runs through all of
emotional field that runs through all of us together actually Murray Bowen told
us together actually Murray Bowen told
us together actually Murray Bowen told the story of the cows because humans are
the story of the cows because humans are
the story of the cows because humans are mammals this is in all of us
mammals this is in all of us
mammals this is in all of us the cows were the one cow goes up to the
the cows were the one cow goes up to the
the cows were the one cow goes up to the edge of the the fence and gets electric
edge of the the fence and gets electric
edge of the the fence and gets electric shock well within less than a second the
shock well within less than a second the
shock well within less than a second the whole herd is anxious and stressed well
whole herd is anxious and stressed well
whole herd is anxious and stressed well guess what the same thing happens to us
guess what the same thing happens to us
guess what the same thing happens to us and in a school I think most of you that
and in a school I think most of you that
and in a school I think most of you that are running a school if you’re a school
are running a school if you’re a school
are running a school if you’re a school principal know the phenomena of a parent
principal know the phenomena of a parent
principal know the phenomena of a parent in the parking lot and they have a group
in the parking lot and they have a group
in the parking lot and they have a group of parents surrounding them I see some
of parents surrounding them I see some
of parents surrounding them I see some heads nodding and you know it doesn’t
heads nodding and you know it doesn’t
heads nodding and you know it doesn’t take very long before that whole group
take very long before that whole group
take very long before that whole group of parents is upset just like the person
of parents is upset just like the person
of parents is upset just like the person who is upset in the beginning and that
who is upset in the beginning and that
who is upset in the beginning and that runs through the whole school so this
runs through the whole school so this
runs through the whole school so this understanding of an emotional force
understanding of an emotional force
understanding of an emotional force field was what was so interesting about
field was what was so interesting about
field was what was so interesting about our family system of our school so I
our family system of our school so I
our family system of our school so I just I really found that as an
just I really found that as an
just I really found that as an outstanding discovery then Murray Bowen
outstanding discovery then Murray Bowen
outstanding discovery then Murray Bowen went on to say that well when we’re
went on to say that well when we’re
went on to say that well when we’re stressed as an emotional field then we
stressed as an emotional field then we
stressed as an emotional field then we try to get relief so all of us as humans
try to get relief so all of us as humans
try to get relief so all of us as humans try to get relief in this situation and
try to get relief in this situation and
try to get relief in this situation and what’s interesting about that is that we
what’s interesting about that is that we
what’s interesting about that is that we try to get the relief but it actually
try to get the relief but it actually
try to get the relief but it actually doesn’t relieve the whole family system
doesn’t relieve the whole family system
doesn’t relieve the whole family system it actually makes it worse so that way
it actually makes it worse so that way
it actually makes it worse so that way that we relieve things is by creating a
that we relieve things is by creating a
that we relieve things is by creating a triangle and really all of us do this
triangle and really all of us do this
triangle and really all of us do this and so what is that triangle the
and so what is that triangle the
and so what is that triangle the triangle is when we have an issue with
triangle is when we have an issue with
triangle is when we have an issue with someone just like that teacher we don’t
someone just like that teacher we don’t
someone just like that teacher we don’t go to the person we have the issue with
go to the person we have the issue with
go to the person we have the issue with that takes a lot of courage
that takes a lot of courage
that takes a lot of courage instead we go to a friend and we
instead we go to a friend and we
instead we go to a friend and we complain you know basically we kind of
complain you know basically we kind of
complain you know basically we kind of complain behind the other the person’s
complain behind the other the person’s
complain behind the other the person’s back that we have the issue with and
back that we have the issue with and
back that we have the issue with and that’s that is a triangle and that
that’s that is a triangle and that
that’s that is a triangle and that triangle holds stress within the family
triangle holds stress within the family
triangle holds stress within the family system so it really doesn’t solve
system so it really doesn’t solve
system so it really doesn’t solve anything so part of that solution is
anything so part of that solution is
anything so part of that solution is learning to develop the courage to go
learning to develop the courage to go
learning to develop the courage to go directly to people that we have an issue
directly to people that we have an issue
directly to people that we have an issue with to talk it out so that was a whole
with to talk it out so that was a whole
with to talk it out so that was a whole interesting learning for me about what
interesting learning for me about what
interesting learning for me about what was happening in this school actually
was happening in this school actually
was happening in this school actually there are studies now being done about
there are studies now being done about
there are studies now being done about the fact that the stress among teachers
the fact that the stress among teachers
the fact that the stress among teachers impacts the stress and the lower
impacts the stress and the lower
impacts the stress and the lower performance of children so we have a
performance of children so we have a
performance of children so we have a huge responsibility as adults in our
huge responsibility as adults in our
huge responsibility as adults in our workplace of the school to not be doing
workplace of the school to not be doing
workplace of the school to not be doing that there’s preliminary studies going
that there’s preliminary studies going
that there’s preliminary studies going on in British Columbia and also in the
on in British Columbia and also in the
on in British Columbia and also in the US and it’s going to be interesting to
US and it’s going to be interesting to
US and it’s going to be interesting to see how that evidence comes out in the
see how that evidence comes out in the
see how that evidence comes out in the end but it’s really showing that there
end but it’s really showing that there
end but it’s really showing that there is this direct correlation so basically
is this direct correlation so basically
is this direct correlation so basically there’s a lot going on that we’ve got to
there’s a lot going on that we’ve got to
there’s a lot going on that we’ve got to remedy among ourselves as adults how
remedy among ourselves as adults how
remedy among ourselves as adults how many of you in your own workplaces
many of you in your own workplaces
many of you in your own workplaces wherever they are have not had the
wherever they are have not had the
wherever they are have not had the courage to go directly to a person that
courage to go directly to a person that
courage to go directly to a person that you have an issue with are there any of
you have an issue with are there any of
you have an issue with are there any of you here yeah thank you one person
you here yeah thank you one person
you here yeah thank you one person raised their hand well I was at the
raised their hand well I was at the
raised their hand well I was at the airport coming here from the US and I
airport coming here from the US and I
airport coming here from the US and I got there early and I was at the gate
got there early and I was at the gate
got there early and I was at the gate and that aryl an airline manager was on
and that aryl an airline manager was on
and that aryl an airline manager was on the phone and he says to somebody on the
the phone and he says to somebody on the
the phone and he says to somebody on the phone no you tell her no I’m not gonna
phone no you tell her no I’m not gonna
phone no you tell her no I’m not gonna tell her you tell her you know what get
tell her you tell her you know what get
tell her you tell her you know what get Sharon to tell her because she’s got
Sharon to tell her because she’s got
Sharon to tell her because she’s got real guts so you know it’s really
real guts so you know it’s really
real guts so you know it’s really everywhere in us so there’s another
everywhere in us so there’s another
everywhere in us so there’s another piece to this and that is that if we are
piece to this and that is that if we are
piece to this and that is that if we are to prepare children to transform the
to prepare children to transform the
to prepare children to transform the 21st century they need to be creative
21st century they need to be creative
21st century they need to be creative because we are in the most complex time
because we are in the most complex time
because we are in the most complex time on earth and to be creative you can’t be
on earth and to be creative you can’t be
on earth and to be creative you can’t be in a reactive mode and we all know that
in a reactive mode and we all know that
in a reactive mode and we all know that reactivity shuts down the brain and we
reactivity shuts down the brain and we
reactivity shuts down the brain and we can’t be creative and so this whole
can’t be creative and so this whole
can’t be creative and so this whole dynamic that goes on is it’s just so
dynamic that goes on is it’s just so
dynamic that goes on is it’s just so important that we play our role
important that we play our role
important that we play our role in the most optimum way in getting along
in the most optimum way in getting along
in the most optimum way in getting along with each other so the whole proposition
with each other so the whole proposition
with each other so the whole proposition for me was transforming ourselves to
for me was transforming ourselves to
for me was transforming ourselves to allow the children to go on and
allow the children to go on and
allow the children to go on and transform our world and I have a one
transform our world and I have a one
transform our world and I have a one suggestion that I want to make in terms
suggestion that I want to make in terms
suggestion that I want to make in terms of solutions
of solutions
of solutions there’s many solutions as to how to do
there’s many solutions as to how to do
there’s many solutions as to how to do this but this is really an outstanding
this but this is really an outstanding
this but this is really an outstanding how-to and it comes from the Yale Center
how-to and it comes from the Yale Center
how-to and it comes from the Yale Center for emotional intelligence you’ve heard
for emotional intelligence you’ve heard
for emotional intelligence you’ve heard of Yale University on the east coast of
of Yale University on the east coast of
of Yale University on the east coast of the US they have formed a whole Center
the US they have formed a whole Center
the US they have formed a whole Center for emotional intelligence into motion
for emotional intelligence into motion
for emotional intelligence into motion illan telogen cyou can remember through
illan telogen cyou can remember through
illan telogen cyou can remember through the acronym ru le our ruler and it means
the acronym ru le our ruler and it means
the acronym ru le our ruler and it means recognize our emotions understand our
recognize our emotions understand our
recognize our emotions understand our emotions label our emotions express our
emotions label our emotions express our
emotions label our emotions express our emotions and regulate our emotions and
emotions and regulate our emotions and
emotions and regulate our emotions and it’s the regulating emotions that we
it’s the regulating emotions that we
it’s the regulating emotions that we have a hard time with so they offer a
have a hard time with so they offer a
have a hard time with so they offer a wonderful tool and that tool is called a
wonderful tool and that tool is called a
wonderful tool and that tool is called a Charter it’s something that you
Charter it’s something that you
Charter it’s something that you co-create together as a team as a staff
co-create together as a team as a staff
co-create together as a team as a staff and then you make a commitment to it
and then you make a commitment to it
and then you make a commitment to it it’s sort of like a constitution and so
it’s sort of like a constitution and so
it’s sort of like a constitution and so that Charter we we did in my school and
that Charter we we did in my school and
that Charter we we did in my school and we we formed the Charter by filling out
we we formed the Charter by filling out
we we formed the Charter by filling out three parts and those three parts were
three parts and those three parts were
three parts and those three parts were how do I want to feel when I come to
how do I want to feel when I come to
how do I want to feel when I come to work at the school each day how do I
work at the school each day how do I
work at the school each day how do I want to feel and how I want to feel is
want to feel and how I want to feel is
want to feel and how I want to feel is well people said appreciated heard
well people said appreciated heard
well people said appreciated heard recognized and then the next question is
recognized and then the next question is
recognized and then the next question is well if we want to feel this new way in
well if we want to feel this new way in
well if we want to feel this new way in our school how do we implement this what
our school how do we implement this what
our school how do we implement this what are the practical ways that we would
are the practical ways that we would
are the practical ways that we would implement this and so then that’s
implement this and so then that’s
implement this and so then that’s co-created
co-created
co-created the last part that’s co-created is when
the last part that’s co-created is when
the last part that’s co-created is when there is conflict and there is
there is conflict and there is
there is conflict and there is inevitable conflict among every place
inevitable conflict among every place
inevitable conflict among every place that we work how do we solve it how do
that we work how do we solve it how do
that we work how do we solve it how do we work together to to dissolve this
we work together to to dissolve this
we work together to to dissolve this conflict so you do that all together and
conflict so you do that all together and
conflict so you do that all together and you fill it out and you sign it and you
you fill it out and you sign it and you
you fill it out and you sign it and you essentially make a vow to each other you
essentially make a vow to each other you
essentially make a vow to each other you make a commitment to each other that
make a commitment to each other that
make a commitment to each other that this is the new way that we will be
this is the new way that we will be
this is the new way that we will be together as we work and so I find that
together as we work and so I find that
together as we work and so I find that to be a wonderful solution to the how-to
to be a wonderful solution to the how-to
to be a wonderful solution to the how-to of deciding as grown-ups as adults how
of deciding as grown-ups as adults how
of deciding as grown-ups as adults how we are going to work together I wanted
we are going to work together I wanted
we are going to work together I wanted to leave you with a wonderful quote from
to leave you with a wonderful quote from
to leave you with a wonderful quote from Lawrence van der post who was from Great
Lawrence van der post who was from Great
Lawrence van der post who was from Great Britain and when he was freed after
Britain and when he was freed after
Britain and when he was freed after World War two from a prisoner camp he
World War two from a prisoner camp he
World War two from a prisoner camp he gave the world this message and this is
gave the world this message and this is
gave the world this message and this is the message it always comes back to this
the message it always comes back to this
the message it always comes back to this we cannot take the life of our times
we cannot take the life of our times
we cannot take the life of our times further than we have taken ourselves so
further than we have taken ourselves so
further than we have taken ourselves so that is our challenge and I hope that we
that is our challenge and I hope that we
that is our challenge and I hope that we all embrace that challenge as the adults
all embrace that challenge as the adults
all embrace that challenge as the adults in the world for our children thank you
in the world for our children thank you
in the world for our children thank you [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
you
you [Applause]
”
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