that’s the interesting thing about modern ones
relationship
is there any possibility that we are with
relationships can live differently today
It will be us with modern methods
our relationships ours
couple relationships into another
bring intensity
the modern relationship lives in one
new context
in the past , the relationship became
very strong from the outside defined from the outside
given what relationship means when
she starts when she ends which roll
in relationships we each one was
prescribed by the church of the
society from the state and the
big family very much from the outside what we
today we have what we see in the
modern world is that the couple themselves
The relationship creates the self
relationship defined develops out of itself
developed out that is a brand new one
approach the very young is very us
but he loves a lot of freedom
at the same time a big challenge
is
because the relationship has less
support from the outside yes what the earlier
church has taken over the society
Today, the couples have to develop themselves
for myself, relationships were slow
long time a big puzzle a big one
difficulty they have us very hard
done with
I did not know how I actually did
itself is this other person now
shall we do something together?
It was very difficult to create
still
but that’s why I’m so strong
busy with it and am so in mine
work also grew then me
just on the therapy the couple
specializes against this background and
have there very often the experience made
that the couples first yes over each other
talk about your relationship if you are in one
Crisis will be relatively late then
reflects which rolls we have like
should our relationship actually be
what is the meaning of our relationship what
we expect the relationship and that
In a crisis situation is unbelievable
difficult my call or my mine
intention with this whole idea
Today, that is what causes us
early with the relationship apart
put
Invest early in the relationship
to the extent that from the outside this content
and these specifications are omitted for it
important to ourselves to develop that
does not happen automatically there is
methods for that in the last
fifty sixty years have been developed
especially from the field of
psychology of psychotherapy
neuroscience a general one
consultation scene the abrupt ones are the
are explored and we first to
Provide disposal when we drive in
encounter crises
I think it is possible
to apply these methods in the phase
the good relationship relationship
is an exercise
if we consciously invest with these
methods of which I have one today
I would like to introduce you
a chance actually in one again
other level to come than ours
Parents was possible that ours
grandparents was possible
I want the 3 the three dots here
is a short introduction to the three points
overview the first point is the
presence the open consciousness one
attitude with the other
people are talking in conversation time
spend
the second point is the attitude of the
compassion and the third point is that
more courage to the vulnerability he three
Points that are important when I am with the
I spend time with other people
Do not speak here of the time we
so generally live together
which is also important if we spend
netflix together when we look
drinking wine together when we eat
if we have six, everything is important
and it ‘s important with the other one
to hear people talking
What deals with this person
I am there together
what’s going on in this inside
This system is very dynamic
that changes what bothers him
what is she fighting with?
challenges which the
inadequacies that happen so
conversation is only possible if we have this
three points to note now to the
single points know what that say
the first is the presence of that is meant
a complete presence
you probably know that when we are
Talk to someone and tell
anything important from you on yours
love and the person is somehow im
worst case on the phone next to it or
does not listen properly is not present
We immediately notice presence has one
very special deep presence is one
Being physically mentally minded
complete emotionally with the heart
presence for the other
a room for the other person in the room
stage before I go into a reactive
I hear what the other one says
support the other people in
his development this is one
Quote from marion wittmann canadian
author mr presence gives space allowed
the other person is a development
maybe an aspect of the dear presence
we can practice that is the good
Message does not fall from the sky
no natural talent we can all
if we practice it will be automatic and
can also permeate our everyday life
another word for presence is open
awareness
that comes a little bit out of that
Buddhist background already halifax
Listen to so-called strong becks of
front with strong beck is mean and
strong spine a massive
presence and soft front the soft
front the receiving hold
the other person’s one
fundamentally different attitude than we are
otherwise in conversations are used if
we discuss if we already
what am I going to say next?
they are how should I show myself others
attitude the presence is in the in the
psychotherapy and in the
consulting work very important moment
has been investigated alone the
presence of a person is doing well and
changes and heals and helps to grow
You can use that in our everyday life
do not necessarily have to
therapists go to the therapist
the second point is the second attitude
the attitude of sympathy compassion
the other sympathy with myself something
means empathy
There is extensive research to do so
everything from christian neff to the
University of austin in texas too
has designed programs like us
empathize with a human are not
how reactive the system is as it is
changed
fumble is not in it with thrusting
not we do not hold that off us
let it develop both with me
even in self-compassion as well as with
the other
in sympathy we also connect in
our inadequacy of compassion
allows the other person too
imperfect to show with theirs
difficulties with his failures
things did not go well
are having their own trouble with these
We may not do that well
Find
compassion also allows in the
to bring relationship
opens up a tighter room to others
new space is also compassionate
Trainable compassion is not empathy
a clear difference is empathy
Feel what someone else feels
compassion is also based on the
separation does not merge but one
separation I am I you are you and yet
I am connected to that there is
from the neurological research heer
by tania singer from leipzig a very
a lot of literature researched
has the attitude of compassion
neurologically we can show in the
see brain where arises with feeling and
that too is trainable gets stronger
if we train it consciously
I think the couple relationship is one
Good a good field and compassion too
work out
the third point is the courage to
vulnerability
it is the courage to show itself beyond
the persona of the mask of the function
the role that I fulfill in the outside or
previously carry these persons had
a function in daily life together
also protects me very often makes things
easier in the couple relationship brings
but they were separated
burner brown has a very good one
Talk about the topic of vulnerability
vulnerability
she says it is only when we are
vulnerable when we show this courage
It may even be possible to raise money
to be in a relationship
Here arises intimacy and sat to
third time that is trainable
here we do not have to zero
a hundred I do not have to completely complete
undress it with every person inside it
It’s about looking slowly here
what kind of vulnerability fits for
Me fits in our relationship
how do we want to live this aspect
how do we get the 1
It is important with these three attitudes
to spend the time are sufficient
therefore research my call that in
to introduce the relationship consciously
to take time deliberately
let’s talk together ten minutes 20
once a week, the week very clear
frame very clearly
in this attitude, then, the automatism
The society pulls us away from it
that outside pulls us out of the way
presence rhine in three things
next to each other and something else
the fifth out of sympathy out
out of the vulnerability purely in
the custom that’s what
automatically happens needs one
investment a conscious decision
Couple this time to invest this
does not happen automatically but it is
very easy to train
above all this is the quote from teak
rattan what i found what i believe
I very well fits this on this
modern relationship as we develop it
can and actually the relationship
carries or develops in this
investigation in this common
development namely the question how can i
love you better how can i make you better
love
I think it’s possible a new one
relationship new type of relationship too
Life
I call it the will to live intimacy
the wildness is freedom and also
the dynamics are not fixed haid
which is possible for us today maybe in
The story is unique under
simultaneous maintenance of the
facing science of the intimate
successive look at each other to be
intimacy to actually live
with presence of open consciousness with
sympathy with the courage to
vulnerability and show
Thank you very much
[Applause]
”
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