I’m clay Sanford and I’m gonna be talking to you today about doing what
talking to you today about doing what
talking to you today about doing what you shouldn’t so when I was four my life
you shouldn’t so when I was four my life
you shouldn’t so when I was four my life was split in two I lived a life since
was split in two I lived a life since
was split in two I lived a life since that day separated conflicted with the
that day separated conflicted with the
that day separated conflicted with the constant feeling of being stalked
constant feeling of being stalked
constant feeling of being stalked divorce it happens to nearly 50 percent
divorce it happens to nearly 50 percent
divorce it happens to nearly 50 percent of families with children North America
of families with children North America
of families with children North America 50 percent so 50 percent of kids go
50 percent so 50 percent of kids go
50 percent so 50 percent of kids go through a change of their life that they
through a change of their life that they
through a change of their life that they have no choice in no decision in and
have no choice in no decision in and
have no choice in no decision in and that completely separates the reality
that completely separates the reality
that completely separates the reality what happened when I was only four set
what happened when I was only four set
what happened when I was only four set this stage for my life ahead a life that
this stage for my life ahead a life that
this stage for my life ahead a life that is always changing
is always changing
is always changing so throughout my life I have moved many
so throughout my life I have moved many
so throughout my life I have moved many times 15 times to be exact and I’ve
times 15 times to be exact and I’ve
times 15 times to be exact and I’ve lived through various struggles like
lived through various struggles like
lived through various struggles like dealing with family members to have
dealing with family members to have
dealing with family members to have mental diseases and growing up with two
mental diseases and growing up with two
mental diseases and growing up with two older brothers constantly moving between
older brothers constantly moving between
older brothers constantly moving between my dad’s in my mom’s house but they’re
my dad’s in my mom’s house but they’re
my dad’s in my mom’s house but they’re all the change and all the struggles and
all the change and all the struggles and
all the change and all the struggles and all the moves one sticks out to me like
all the moves one sticks out to me like
all the moves one sticks out to me like a sore thumb this change seems so
a sore thumb this change seems so
a sore thumb this change seems so miniscule and so arbitrary to my life
miniscule and so arbitrary to my life
miniscule and so arbitrary to my life but I think it represents so much more
but I think it represents so much more
but I think it represents so much more it happened when I was only eight years
it happened when I was only eight years
it happened when I was only eight years old I was living on the east side of
old I was living on the east side of
old I was living on the east side of downtown with my mom and my two older
downtown with my mom and my two older
downtown with my mom and my two older brothers and that guy came over to my
brothers and that guy came over to my
brothers and that guy came over to my house and he made spaghetti and when
house and he made spaghetti and when
house and he made spaghetti and when this guy this guy made spaghetti and I
this guy this guy made spaghetti and I
this guy this guy made spaghetti and I love spaghetti when I was eight like
love spaghetti when I was eight like
love spaghetti when I was eight like that was my favorite food and my mom
that was my favorite food and my mom
that was my favorite food and my mom always me at the same exact way she put
always me at the same exact way she put
always me at the same exact way she put butter and Parmesan cheese on it
butter and Parmesan cheese on it
butter and Parmesan cheese on it I had a pre-event palate but that’s how
I had a pre-event palate but that’s how
I had a pre-event palate but that’s how I loved it and when this man when he
I loved it and when this man when he
I loved it and when this man when he made spaghetti he made it with sauce and
made spaghetti he made it with sauce and
made spaghetti he made it with sauce and meatballs and I remember at eight years
meatballs and I remember at eight years
meatballs and I remember at eight years old I was completely and utterly
old I was completely and utterly
old I was completely and utterly mortified to what this guy had done to
mortified to what this guy had done to
mortified to what this guy had done to my spaghetti I I like lost it on my mom
my spaghetti I I like lost it on my mom
my spaghetti I I like lost it on my mom I freaked out I screamed I cried and I
I freaked out I screamed I cried and I
I freaked out I screamed I cried and I remember like sitting on the steps
remember like sitting on the steps
remember like sitting on the steps sulking refusing to eat dinner and
sulking refusing to eat dinner and
sulking refusing to eat dinner and looking back now I mean it’s pretty dumb
looking back now I mean it’s pretty dumb
looking back now I mean it’s pretty dumb I mean it was just spaghetti right like
I mean it was just spaghetti right like
I mean it was just spaghetti right like it’s not that big of a deal but to me at
it’s not that big of a deal but to me at
it’s not that big of a deal but to me at the time it was a complete change and
the time it was a complete change and
the time it was a complete change and what I was used to it was a complete
what I was used to it was a complete
what I was used to it was a complete change in my life actually
change in my life actually
change in my life actually and what started as like this spaghetti
and what started as like this spaghetti
and what started as like this spaghetti this when this guy’s changed my
this when this guy’s changed my
this when this guy’s changed my spaghetti
spaghetti
spaghetti I lost trust in him and I actually was
I lost trust in him and I actually was
I lost trust in him and I actually was unable to see good and I think he did
unable to see good and I think he did
unable to see good and I think he did because I only eight years old I viewed
because I only eight years old I viewed
because I only eight years old I viewed him completely differently because he he
him completely differently because he he
him completely differently because he he ruined my spaghetti I mean like come on
ruined my spaghetti I mean like come on
ruined my spaghetti I mean like come on so 80 years old I was really confused
so 80 years old I was really confused
so 80 years old I was really confused about this guy done to my spaghetti and
about this guy done to my spaghetti and
about this guy done to my spaghetti and after he did that I lost the ability to
after he did that I lost the ability to
after he did that I lost the ability to see good and what he did and I sure as
see good and what he did and I sure as
see good and what he did and I sure as hell it’s not gonna eat spaghetti that
hell it’s not gonna eat spaghetti that
hell it’s not gonna eat spaghetti that wasn’t I was not happening
wasn’t I was not happening
wasn’t I was not happening but what started as spaghetti ended up
but what started as spaghetti ended up
but what started as spaghetti ended up being a new school a new home and a new
being a new school a new home and a new
being a new school a new home and a new life in fourth grade I moved in with
life in fourth grade I moved in with
life in fourth grade I moved in with this spaghetti man and his house was on
this spaghetti man and his house was on
this spaghetti man and his house was on the west side of dining town and it was
the west side of dining town and it was
the west side of dining town and it was small and I had to shared the Attic and
small and I had to shared the Attic and
small and I had to shared the Attic and by two annoying older brothers so what
by two annoying older brothers so what
by two annoying older brothers so what this new spaghetti became a new life and
this new spaghetti became a new life and
this new spaghetti became a new life and since then I have moved four different
since then I have moved four different
since then I have moved four different times my life changing many times and I
times my life changing many times and I
times my life changing many times and I always hate it change
always hate it change
always hate it change I feared change in fact change was my
I feared change in fact change was my
I feared change in fact change was my worst enemy and I never was able to
worst enemy and I never was able to
worst enemy and I never was able to accept my life full of it until just
accept my life full of it until just
accept my life full of it until just about last year so when you’re young you
about last year so when you’re young you
about last year so when you’re young you live by routine it’s how you develop
live by routine it’s how you develop
live by routine it’s how you develop trust in things and once you trust you
trust in things and once you trust you
trust in things and once you trust you learn to take initiative world renowned
learn to take initiative world renowned
learn to take initiative world renowned psychologist Erik Erikson describes us
psychologist Erik Erikson describes us
psychologist Erik Erikson describes us as the first stage of development
as the first stage of development
as the first stage of development children trust versus mistrust not this
children trust versus mistrust not this
children trust versus mistrust not this stage in your life once you take once
stage in your life once you take once
stage in your life once you take once you get trust from your environment and
you get trust from your environment and
you get trust from your environment and your routine you begin to be able to
your routine you begin to be able to
your routine you begin to be able to take initiative and to do things so it’s
take initiative and to do things so it’s
take initiative and to do things so it’s this like closed-door mindset of routine
this like closed-door mindset of routine
this like closed-door mindset of routine that we’ve invested in since day one so
that we’ve invested in since day one so
that we’ve invested in since day one so we always have in trusting in our
we always have in trusting in our
we always have in trusting in our routine like let’s say you wake up every
routine like let’s say you wake up every
routine like let’s say you wake up every day from your alarm just like I do and
day from your alarm just like I do and
day from your alarm just like I do and one day your alarm stops working you
one day your alarm stops working you
one day your alarm stops working you woke up late you miss the bus and you’re
woke up late you miss the bus and you’re
woke up late you miss the bus and you’re late to school that one simple little
late to school that one simple little
late to school that one simple little change affect your life so much because
change affect your life so much because
change affect your life so much because of your routine and how much you trust
of your routine and how much you trust
of your routine and how much you trust it in that alarm clock so some people
it in that alarm clock so some people
it in that alarm clock so some people say that we’re too trusted in our
say that we’re too trusted in our
say that we’re too trusted in our technology like we wouldn’t use a map
technology like we wouldn’t use a map
technology like we wouldn’t use a map instead of using our Google Maps app
instead of using our Google Maps app
instead of using our Google Maps app like if our Google at Google Maps broke
like if our Google at Google Maps broke
like if our Google at Google Maps broke like we would just you know be like oh
like we would just you know be like oh
like we would just you know be like oh I’m lost and I use a map you were too
I’m lost and I use a map you were too
I’m lost and I use a map you were too dependent on that but I think it’s it’s
dependent on that but I think it’s it’s
dependent on that but I think it’s it’s more or two depending on a routine that
more or two depending on a routine that
more or two depending on a routine that these sudden changes or little changes
these sudden changes or little changes
these sudden changes or little changes affect us so much because we trust
affect us so much because we trust
affect us so much because we trust entirely on a routine of life
entirely on a routine of life
entirely on a routine of life I think it’s important that we no longer
I think it’s important that we no longer
I think it’s important that we no longer trust a routine because if we’re
trust a routine because if we’re
trust a routine because if we’re trusting routine too much and there’s a
trusting routine too much and there’s a
trusting routine too much and there’s a change in our life we become an unable
change in our life we become an unable
change in our life we become an unable to cope with it and when you can’t cope
to cope with it and when you can’t cope
to cope with it and when you can’t cope you become scared you become afraid do
you become scared you become afraid do
you become scared you become afraid do you want anxious stressed and sometimes
you want anxious stressed and sometimes
you want anxious stressed and sometimes and even worse you become unable to see
and even worse you become unable to see
and even worse you become unable to see the good and the opportunity and things
the good and the opportunity and things
the good and the opportunity and things that come your way
that come your way
that come your way so if we trust too much a routine and we
so if we trust too much a routine and we
so if we trust too much a routine and we become frayed and anxious from this
become frayed and anxious from this
become frayed and anxious from this change we begin to tie that stress and
change we begin to tie that stress and
change we begin to tie that stress and that anxiety to the change itself so you
that anxiety to the change itself so you
that anxiety to the change itself so you tie the idea of stress to change your
tie the idea of stress to change your
tie the idea of stress to change your tie the idea of anxiety from change fear
tie the idea of anxiety from change fear
tie the idea of anxiety from change fear to change and sometimes sadness to
to change and sometimes sadness to
to change and sometimes sadness to change I propose the idea that we no
change I propose the idea that we no
change I propose the idea that we no longer tie this anxiety and this
longer tie this anxiety and this
longer tie this anxiety and this negative attitude to change that we tie
negative attitude to change that we tie
negative attitude to change that we tie opportunity to change we tie good things
opportunity to change we tie good things
opportunity to change we tie good things to change because it can bring so much
to change because it can bring so much
to change because it can bring so much more into your life
more into your life
more into your life so when I was eight I was very trust in
so when I was eight I was very trust in
so when I was eight I was very trust in my routine I didn’t want to have this
my routine I didn’t want to have this
my routine I didn’t want to have this change in my routine of spaghetti-like
change in my routine of spaghetti-like
change in my routine of spaghetti-like that was I was not what I didn’t want
that was I was not what I didn’t want
that was I was not what I didn’t want that right now but since that I was
that right now but since that I was
that right now but since that I was unable to see the opportunity in
unable to see the opportunity in
unable to see the opportunity in anything fact spaghetti with meatballs
anything fact spaghetti with meatballs
anything fact spaghetti with meatballs is really good and I know that how but
is really good and I know that how but
is really good and I know that how but before I was too scared to see these
before I was too scared to see these
before I was too scared to see these things and I think that is really really
things and I think that is really really
things and I think that is really really negative if you don’t see the good in
negative if you don’t see the good in
negative if you don’t see the good in things if you’re too trusting and
things if you’re too trusting and
things if you’re too trusting and routine so
routine so
routine so as we grow up we begin to take risks and
as we grow up we begin to take risks and
as we grow up we begin to take risks and I think it’s extremely important to take
I think it’s extremely important to take
I think it’s extremely important to take risks and this is something in my life
risks and this is something in my life
risks and this is something in my life that I’ve always put forth so as
that I’ve always put forth so as
that I’ve always put forth so as teenagers we we open horizons and we
teenagers we we open horizons and we
teenagers we we open horizons and we begin to explore our self-image we take
begin to explore our self-image we take
begin to explore our self-image we take risks that we’ve never done before
risks that we’ve never done before
risks that we’ve never done before Erik Erikson describes this as identity
Erik Erikson describes this as identity
Erik Erikson describes this as identity versus role confusion so at this point
versus role confusion so at this point
versus role confusion so at this point in your life you figure out who you are
in your life you figure out who you are
in your life you figure out who you are you figure out your identity and in
you figure out your identity and in
you figure out your identity and in order to do that you can’t just trust in
order to do that you can’t just trust in
order to do that you can’t just trust in a routine you can’t just keep going like
a routine you can’t just keep going like
a routine you can’t just keep going like plateauing you got it you have to do
plateauing you got it you have to do
plateauing you got it you have to do something and take action and embrace
something and take action and embrace
something and take action and embrace change so is now as a teenager that is
change so is now as a teenager that is
change so is now as a teenager that is crucial to break that freak from your
crucial to break that freak from your
crucial to break that freak from your everyday life to break away from your
everyday life to break away from your
everyday life to break away from your routine to never fear change to take the
routine to never fear change to take the
routine to never fear change to take the risk and take the chance even if you
risk and take the chance even if you
risk and take the chance even if you aren’t a teenager it is still a crucial
aren’t a teenager it is still a crucial
aren’t a teenager it is still a crucial that you take the initiative to become a
that you take the initiative to become a
that you take the initiative to become a risk taker
when I was eight years old I was not
when I was eight years old I was not taking the risk of eating spaghetti but
taking the risk of eating spaghetti but
taking the risk of eating spaghetti but my whole life I knew to take risks I
my whole life I knew to take risks I
my whole life I knew to take risks I always did what people said I shouldn’t
always did what people said I shouldn’t
always did what people said I shouldn’t I couldn’t and I want it like when I was
I couldn’t and I want it like when I was
I couldn’t and I want it like when I was seven years old I remember three
seven years old I remember three
seven years old I remember three different times at three different very
different times at three different very
different times at three different very large Hills I was told by my brother or
large Hills I was told by my brother or
large Hills I was told by my brother or my brother’s friends that I couldn’t
my brother’s friends that I couldn’t
my brother’s friends that I couldn’t ride my bike it was a pretty nice Barbie
ride my bike it was a pretty nice Barbie
ride my bike it was a pretty nice Barbie bike down these big hills because I was
bike down these big hills because I was
bike down these big hills because I was a girl and every single time I rode my
a girl and every single time I rode my
a girl and every single time I rode my bike down the hill now the first time I
bike down the hill now the first time I
bike down the hill now the first time I got a good like two feet down the hill
got a good like two feet down the hill
got a good like two feet down the hill and I flew off the bike I actually still
and I flew off the bike I actually still
and I flew off the bike I actually still have the scar it was as a mess the
have the scar it was as a mess the
have the scar it was as a mess the second time it was even worse I got
second time it was even worse I got
second time it was even worse I got about five feet down the hill I hit a
about five feet down the hill I hit a
about five feet down the hill I hit a bump and I body surfed down the hill
bump and I body surfed down the hill
bump and I body surfed down the hill like face in the handlebars then at the
like face in the handlebars then at the
like face in the handlebars then at the bottom of the hill I hit a rock and like
bottom of the hill I hit a rock and like
bottom of the hill I hit a rock and like flew into these bushes it was just it
flew into these bushes it was just it
flew into these bushes it was just it was very intense the third time I did it
was very intense the third time I did it
was very intense the third time I did it perfectly well it was a bumpy ride down
perfectly well it was a bumpy ride down
perfectly well it was a bumpy ride down but I made it all the way but I was very
but I made it all the way but I was very
but I made it all the way but I was very afraid to do these hills I mean
afraid to do these hills I mean
afraid to do these hills I mean obviously I was seven years old I had a
obviously I was seven years old I had a
obviously I was seven years old I had a Barbie bike and I was going down these
Barbie bike and I was going down these
Barbie bike and I was going down these massive hills or they were massive to me
massive hills or they were massive to me
massive hills or they were massive to me at the time and I was afraid to do it
at the time and I was afraid to do it
at the time and I was afraid to do it but I did it anyway and I think this is
but I did it anyway and I think this is
but I did it anyway and I think this is how we should view change we should view
how we should view change we should view
how we should view change we should view change not as something that we
change not as something that we
change not as something that we shouldn’t do but something that we
shouldn’t do but something that we
shouldn’t do but something that we should do we shouldn’t be afraid so
should do we shouldn’t be afraid so
should do we shouldn’t be afraid so when we take these risks we become able
when we take these risks we become able
when we take these risks we become able to see things that we never saw before
to see things that we never saw before
to see things that we never saw before be able to see these opportunities and I
be able to see these opportunities and I
be able to see these opportunities and I was very I was very unable to see
was very I was very unable to see
was very I was very unable to see opportunity from change but I think it’s
opportunity from change but I think it’s
opportunity from change but I think it’s important that when we’re afraid of
important that when we’re afraid of
important that when we’re afraid of something
something
something like I was afraid of those hills we
like I was afraid of those hills we
like I was afraid of those hills we don’t see it as something to run from
don’t see it as something to run from
don’t see it as something to run from something we shouldn’t do we see it as
something we shouldn’t do we see it as
something we shouldn’t do we see it as something we can gain from so when I was
something we can gain from so when I was
something we can gain from so when I was afraid of those hills I didn’t see us
afraid of those hills I didn’t see us
afraid of those hills I didn’t see us something I shouldn’t do I didn’t see
something I shouldn’t do I didn’t see
something I shouldn’t do I didn’t see something my brother said I couldn’t do
something my brother said I couldn’t do
something my brother said I couldn’t do I saw as an opportunity to prove my
I saw as an opportunity to prove my
I saw as an opportunity to prove my brothers and their stupid friends wrong
brothers and their stupid friends wrong
brothers and their stupid friends wrong so I think that’s how everyone should
so I think that’s how everyone should
so I think that’s how everyone should view change that we should take the
view change that we should take the
view change that we should take the risks that when you’re afraid of
risks that when you’re afraid of
risks that when you’re afraid of something you should take the risk and
something you should take the risk and
something you should take the risk and go after it so how did I learn to
go after it so how did I learn to
go after it so how did I learn to overcome my fear of change how did I
overcome my fear of change how did I
overcome my fear of change how did I learn to become a risk-taker to love my
learn to become a risk-taker to love my
learn to become a risk-taker to love my past to go get over my pure hatred of
past to go get over my pure hatred of
past to go get over my pure hatred of change I absolutely hated it I looked at
change I absolutely hated it I looked at
change I absolutely hated it I looked at change just like that hill when I was 7
change just like that hill when I was 7
change just like that hill when I was 7 I saw it as something that I can have an
I saw it as something that I can have an
I saw it as something that I can have an opportunity from so I never saw
opportunity from so I never saw
opportunity from so I never saw opportunity from change I always
opportunity from change I always
opportunity from change I always opportunity from things that people said
opportunity from things that people said
opportunity from things that people said I couldn’t do so when I thought of
I couldn’t do so when I thought of
I couldn’t do so when I thought of change I thought of it just like this I
change I thought of it just like this I
change I thought of it just like this I thought I should be stressed from change
thought I should be stressed from change
thought I should be stressed from change because since day one I trust in my
because since day one I trust in my
because since day one I trust in my routine I should be afraid of changed
routine I should be afraid of changed
routine I should be afraid of changed because it’s just scary sometimes and I
because it’s just scary sometimes and I
because it’s just scary sometimes and I should have anxiety from change because
should have anxiety from change because
should have anxiety from change because it’s the unknown but once I started to
it’s the unknown but once I started to
it’s the unknown but once I started to think just like I did when I was younger
think just like I did when I was younger
think just like I did when I was younger and just like I did my whole life with
and just like I did my whole life with
and just like I did my whole life with that do what I shouldn’t attitude and I
that do what I shouldn’t attitude and I
that do what I shouldn’t attitude and I connected that to my idea of change I
connected that to my idea of change I
connected that to my idea of change I did just that I did when I shouldn’t
did just that I did when I shouldn’t
did just that I did when I shouldn’t have I thought I shouldn’t be afraid of
have I thought I shouldn’t be afraid of
have I thought I shouldn’t be afraid of change I shouldn’t be scared and I
change I shouldn’t be scared and I
change I shouldn’t be scared and I shouldn’t have anxiety I shouldn’t be
shouldn’t have anxiety I shouldn’t be
shouldn’t have anxiety I shouldn’t be stressed and now obviously it wasn’t a
stressed and now obviously it wasn’t a
stressed and now obviously it wasn’t a snap of the finger I didn’t do this just
snap of the finger I didn’t do this just
snap of the finger I didn’t do this just like oh mindset change that’s impossible
like oh mindset change that’s impossible
like oh mindset change that’s impossible but over time my view unchanged my view
but over time my view unchanged my view
but over time my view unchanged my view on different changing in my life it’s
on different changing in my life it’s
on different changing in my life it’s hard to change my view on change change
hard to change my view on change change
hard to change my view on change change in fact it changed so much that I
in fact it changed so much that I
in fact it changed so much that I started to actually like change so if
started to actually like change so if
started to actually like change so if you do what the fear in your head and
you do what the fear in your head and
you do what the fear in your head and the people all around you tell you that
the people all around you tell you that
the people all around you tell you that you shouldn’t you’re doing exactly what
you shouldn’t you’re doing exactly what
you shouldn’t you’re doing exactly what you should obviously you shouldn’t be
you should obviously you shouldn’t be
you should obviously you shouldn’t be reckless because if you’re reckless you
reckless because if you’re reckless you
reckless because if you’re reckless you know there’s a bad outcome and you do it
know there’s a bad outcome and you do it
know there’s a bad outcome and you do it anyway and that is just don’t be
anyway and that is just don’t be
anyway and that is just don’t be reckless that’s very important fearless
reckless that’s very important fearless
reckless that’s very important fearless and when you do something you’re
and when you do something you’re
and when you do something you’re fearless you know that there is a chance
fearless you know that there is a chance
fearless you know that there is a chance and you grasp that chance so I think
and you grasp that chance so I think
and you grasp that chance so I think that everyone should do what they
that everyone should do what they
that everyone should do what they shouldn’t do what they know in their
shouldn’t do what they know in their
shouldn’t do what they know in their head they shouldn’t do and take the
head they shouldn’t do and take the
head they shouldn’t do and take the opportunity and after all all the
opportunity and after all all the
opportunity and after all all the changes all the moves and all the really
changes all the moves and all the really
changes all the moves and all the really bad spaghetti brought me here today
bad spaghetti brought me here today
bad spaghetti brought me here today talking to you thank you
talking to you thank you
talking to you thank you [Applause]
”
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