[Applause] okay thank you the world I hope for is
okay thank you the world I hope for is
okay thank you the world I hope for is one where kids and young people I’m
one where kids and young people I’m
one where kids and young people I’m gonna start over sorry the world I hope
gonna start over sorry the world I hope
gonna start over sorry the world I hope for is a place where kids and young
for is a place where kids and young
for is a place where kids and young people feel that they can ignore the
people feel that they can ignore the
people feel that they can ignore the unspoken and unfair social rules that
unspoken and unfair social rules that
unspoken and unfair social rules that are put out there and find the social
are put out there and find the social
are put out there and find the social courage to speak up for what you know
courage to speak up for what you know
courage to speak up for what you know for themselves as well as be engaged
for themselves as well as be engaged
for themselves as well as be engaged bystanders who speak up for others so
bystanders who speak up for others so
bystanders who speak up for others so gaining and you know our social courage
gaining and you know our social courage
gaining and you know our social courage you starts with like getting conviction
you starts with like getting conviction
you starts with like getting conviction and what you believe and what your
and what you believe and what your
and what you believe and what your values are and a lot of people go
values are and a lot of people go
values are and a lot of people go through life and they think like
through life and they think like
through life and they think like suddenly social courage is just gonna
suddenly social courage is just gonna
suddenly social courage is just gonna land on them eventually like it’ll just
land on them eventually like it’ll just
land on them eventually like it’ll just happen but but the Rhian reality it is a
happen but but the Rhian reality it is a
happen but but the Rhian reality it is a practice of listening to your heart and
practice of listening to your heart and
practice of listening to your heart and questioning norms and sometimes enduring
questioning norms and sometimes enduring
questioning norms and sometimes enduring painfully awkward moments now the thing
painfully awkward moments now the thing
painfully awkward moments now the thing about awkwardness is that we all try to
about awkwardness is that we all try to
about awkwardness is that we all try to avoid it right but if you’re willing to
avoid it right but if you’re willing to
avoid it right but if you’re willing to dive into awkward soup swim to the other
dive into awkward soup swim to the other
dive into awkward soup swim to the other side get out and shake yourself off if
side get out and shake yourself off if
side get out and shake yourself off if then you realize that you survived and
then you realize that you survived and
then you realize that you survived and you gained another layer of social
you gained another layer of social
you gained another layer of social courage now we’re all complicated
courage now we’re all complicated
courage now we’re all complicated multi-dimensional people but social
multi-dimensional people but social
multi-dimensional people but social media doesn’t always capture all of
media doesn’t always capture all of
media doesn’t always capture all of those dimensions right a lot of people
those dimensions right a lot of people
those dimensions right a lot of people spend time cultivating their image
spend time cultivating their image
spend time cultivating their image online and sometimes it’s fully
online and sometimes it’s fully
online and sometimes it’s fully fabricated sometimes it’s slightly
fabricated sometimes it’s slightly
fabricated sometimes it’s slightly exaggerated and most the time it just
exaggerated and most the time it just
exaggerated and most the time it just highlights the most amazing parts of
highlights the most amazing parts of
highlights the most amazing parts of life and that can be really stressful
life and that can be really stressful
life and that can be really stressful because sometimes your reality doesn’t
because sometimes your reality doesn’t
because sometimes your reality doesn’t really align with what you put out there
really align with what you put out there
really align with what you put out there and it’s also hard because if you’re
and it’s also hard because if you’re
and it’s also hard because if you’re someone who’s you know scrolling through
someone who’s you know scrolling through
someone who’s you know scrolling through people’s posts and people’s you know
people’s posts and people’s you know
people’s posts and people’s you know live seeing their lives you start to
live seeing their lives you start to
live seeing their lives you start to compare yourself and feel inadequate so
compare yourself and feel inadequate so
compare yourself and feel inadequate so that can be really an anxiety
that can be really an anxiety
that can be really an anxiety the you know causing situation and it
the you know causing situation and it
the you know causing situation and it really takes social courage to put your
really takes social courage to put your
really takes social courage to put your true self out there online and not worry
true self out there online and not worry
true self out there online and not worry about or even obsess about how people
about or even obsess about how people
about or even obsess about how people are gonna react or if they react at all
are gonna react or if they react at all
are gonna react or if they react at all and you know it can be really tricky to
and you know it can be really tricky to
and you know it can be really tricky to navigate friendships with people who
navigate friendships with people who
navigate friendships with people who constantly seek validation online and
constantly seek validation online and
constantly seek validation online and for someone who’s so desperate for
for someone who’s so desperate for
for someone who’s so desperate for praise there’s no amount of comments or
praise there’s no amount of comments or
praise there’s no amount of comments or likes that will fill that void for them
likes that will fill that void for them
likes that will fill that void for them right and you know people put the sexy
right and you know people put the sexy
right and you know people put the sexy pictures out there and get the usual
pictures out there and get the usual
pictures out there and get the usual comments hot gorge goals so cute and I
comments hot gorge goals so cute and I
comments hot gorge goals so cute and I hate you heart heart heart heart heart
hate you heart heart heart heart heart
hate you heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart and you know if
heart heart heart heart and you know if
heart heart heart heart and you know if you’re the key if you’re the kid who
you’re the key if you’re the kid who
you’re the key if you’re the kid who didn’t you know respond sometimes your
didn’t you know respond sometimes your
didn’t you know respond sometimes your friend will find you and be like so why
friend will find you and be like so why
friend will find you and be like so why didn’t you like comment on my post or at
didn’t you like comment on my post or at
didn’t you like comment on my post or at least like it so you get all this
least like it so you get all this
least like it so you get all this feedback right so it can be a full-time
feedback right so it can be a full-time
feedback right so it can be a full-time job keeping the praise junkie fed now by
job keeping the praise junkie fed now by
job keeping the praise junkie fed now by keeping a balance and how use devices
keeping a balance and how use devices
keeping a balance and how use devices and social media we can you know keep
and social media we can you know keep
and social media we can you know keep cultivate great friendships and healthy
cultivate great friendships and healthy
cultivate great friendships and healthy relationships and also stay grounded
relationships and also stay grounded
relationships and also stay grounded but this array of social media platforms
but this array of social media platforms
but this array of social media platforms makes it possible to really avoid
makes it possible to really avoid
makes it possible to really avoid developing social courage and with your
developing social courage and with your
developing social courage and with your peers as the referees on social media
peers as the referees on social media
peers as the referees on social media microaggressions tend to be tolerated a
microaggressions tend to be tolerated a
microaggressions tend to be tolerated a lot of people feel free to make comments
lot of people feel free to make comments
lot of people feel free to make comments that are racist homophobic sexist
that are racist homophobic sexist
that are racist homophobic sexist transphobic just to name a few and those
transphobic just to name a few and those
transphobic just to name a few and those are places where people really feel like
are places where people really feel like
are places where people really feel like that’s where you want to show social
that’s where you want to show social
that’s where you want to show social courage now having social courage is not
courage now having social courage is not
courage now having social courage is not about being an extrovert we all know
about being an extrovert we all know
about being an extrovert we all know those shy more introverted friends who
those shy more introverted friends who
those shy more introverted friends who are so strong and have like clear
are so strong and have like clear
are so strong and have like clear boundaries and they don’t speak up much
boundaries and they don’t speak up much
boundaries and they don’t speak up much but when they do we all listen right
but when they do we all listen right
but when they do we all listen right like all of a sudden they like assert
like all of a sudden they like assert
like all of a sudden they like assert themselves and drop this huge wisdom
themselves and drop this huge wisdom
themselves and drop this huge wisdom bomb and we’re all like yes preach it
bomb and we’re all like yes preach it
bomb and we’re all like yes preach it uh-huh
uh-huh
uh-huh but putting aside your fear of rejection
but putting aside your fear of rejection
but putting aside your fear of rejection or your fear of exclusion to confront
or your fear of exclusion to confront
or your fear of exclusion to confront someone in person that’s a challenging
someone in person that’s a challenging
someone in person that’s a challenging thing but it’s worth aiming for and if
thing but it’s worth aiming for and if
thing but it’s worth aiming for and if you don’t if you’re not there yet
you don’t if you’re not there yet
you don’t if you’re not there yet speaking up online is perfectly
speaking up online is perfectly
speaking up online is perfectly acceptable as well so harassment and
acceptable as well so harassment and
acceptable as well so harassment and bullying that certainly happens on
bullying that certainly happens on
bullying that certainly happens on social media for sure but really most
social media for sure but really most
social media for sure but really most the time what’s it’s really more about a
the time what’s it’s really more about a
the time what’s it’s really more about a subtle forms of harshness underhanded
subtle forms of harshness underhanded
subtle forms of harshness underhanded jabs and and snarky comments and
jabs and and snarky comments and
jabs and and snarky comments and sometimes fully mean comments followed
sometimes fully mean comments followed
sometimes fully mean comments followed by a just kidding so there’s the mop up
by a just kidding so there’s the mop up
by a just kidding so there’s the mop up afterwards a lot of kids talk about
afterwards a lot of kids talk about
afterwards a lot of kids talk about being left out of group chats or they
being left out of group chats or they
being left out of group chats or they were in a group chat and then the group
were in a group chat and then the group
were in a group chat and then the group makes a new group chat and only leaves
makes a new group chat and only leaves
makes a new group chat and only leaves them off and they kind of wonder well
them off and they kind of wonder well
them off and they kind of wonder well you know what was what what was the
you know what was what what was the
you know what was what what was the reason and they assume it’s some
reason and they assume it’s some
reason and they assume it’s some unspoken rule that they weren’t playing
unspoken rule that they weren’t playing
unspoken rule that they weren’t playing by right and with the distance of using
by right and with the distance of using
by right and with the distance of using our phones we have the emotional
our phones we have the emotional
our phones we have the emotional distance and safety so we don’t really
distance and safety so we don’t really
distance and safety so we don’t really you know have to practice social courage
you know have to practice social courage
you know have to practice social courage because we don’t have to be held
because we don’t have to be held
because we don’t have to be held accountable for what we say and do face
accountable for what we say and do face
accountable for what we say and do face to face and when you do confront someone
to face and when you do confront someone
to face and when you do confront someone courageously and call them out for being
courageously and call them out for being
courageously and call them out for being offensive sometimes you pay a
offensive sometimes you pay a
offensive sometimes you pay a consequence right people like write all
consequence right people like write all
consequence right people like write all these negative comments publicly shamed
these negative comments publicly shamed
these negative comments publicly shamed but not saying something that is what
but not saying something that is what
but not saying something that is what can feel unsettling and you know with
can feel unsettling and you know with
can feel unsettling and you know with that that you know that feeling of that
that that you know that feeling of that
that that you know that feeling of that you didn’t say something that should
you didn’t say something that should
you didn’t say something that should inspire you to you know aim to dive in
inspire you to you know aim to dive in
inspire you to you know aim to dive in that soup and swim to the other side so
that soup and swim to the other side so
that soup and swim to the other side so when we start building social courage
when we start building social courage
when we start building social courage the first thing is to witness other
the first thing is to witness other
the first thing is to witness other people who have it and who demonstrate
people who have it and who demonstrate
people who have it and who demonstrate it and so with positive role models who
it and so with positive role models who
it and so with positive role models who were showing social courage in all forms
were showing social courage in all forms
were showing social courage in all forms that’s when we can start developing a
that’s when we can start developing a
that’s when we can start developing a plan for how we’re gonna start
plan for how we’re gonna start
plan for how we’re gonna start practicing and I want you to think right
practicing and I want you to think right
practicing and I want you to think right now in your own minds take a moment and
now in your own minds take a moment and
now in your own minds take a moment and think about a situation or someone who
think about a situation or someone who
think about a situation or someone who was socially courageous and think about
was socially courageous and think about
was socially courageous and think about how did people react what did it feel
how did people react what did it feel
how did people react what did it feel like what did it look like
like what did it look like
like what did it look like and how did it make you feel to witness
and how did it make you feel to witness
and how did it make you feel to witness it so I had the good fortune of growing
it so I had the good fortune of growing
it so I had the good fortune of growing up marinated in social courage I mean
up marinated in social courage I mean
up marinated in social courage I mean look at this clan of fashion enemies
look at this clan of fashion enemies
look at this clan of fashion enemies right here in 1979 that’s me in the
right here in 1979 that’s me in the
right here in 1979 that’s me in the corner I was crying because they
corner I was crying because they
corner I was crying because they wouldn’t let me wear my baseball cap
wouldn’t let me wear my baseball cap
wouldn’t let me wear my baseball cap because it might ruin the family picture
because it might ruin the family picture
because it might ruin the family picture I beg to differ that I think there’s a
I beg to differ that I think there’s a
I beg to differ that I think there’s a lot of things contributing to a sketchy
lot of things contributing to a sketchy
lot of things contributing to a sketchy picture but I hear them anyway so these
picture but I hear them anyway so these
picture but I hear them anyway so these people my I’m the youngest of seven kids
people my I’m the youngest of seven kids
people my I’m the youngest of seven kids and my parents and my siblings were all
and my parents and my siblings were all
and my parents and my siblings were all righteous nonconformist and they made
righteous nonconformist and they made
righteous nonconformist and they made cringe-worthy moments a regular
cringe-worthy moments a regular
cringe-worthy moments a regular occurrence in my life and I remember if
occurrence in my life and I remember if
occurrence in my life and I remember if we were going out in public sometimes
we were going out in public sometimes
we were going out in public sometimes I’d say to my parents do you think maybe
I’d say to my parents do you think maybe
I’d say to my parents do you think maybe you could just kind of blend here like
you could just kind of blend here like
you could just kind of blend here like hoping and my father he had no patience
hoping and my father he had no patience
hoping and my father he had no patience for such nonsense he would be like too
for such nonsense he would be like too
for such nonsense he would be like too many people in the world blend and
many people in the world blend and
many people in the world blend and behave find the courage to be your own
behave find the courage to be your own
behave find the courage to be your own person now my mother she was no slack in
person now my mother she was no slack in
person now my mother she was no slack in that department even even the smallest
that department even even the smallest
that department even even the smallest injustice she couldn’t help herself she
injustice she couldn’t help herself she
injustice she couldn’t help herself she had to speak up I remember on multiple
had to speak up I remember on multiple
had to speak up I remember on multiple occasions going to the grocery store
occasions going to the grocery store
occasions going to the grocery store with her as a kid and we’d be about to
with her as a kid and we’d be about to
with her as a kid and we’d be about to pull into a parking spot and someone
pull into a parking spot and someone
pull into a parking spot and someone would like go in front of her and take
would like go in front of her and take
would like go in front of her and take her spot she’d throw that car in park
her spot she’d throw that car in park
her spot she’d throw that car in park calmly get out go around knock on the
calmly get out go around knock on the
calmly get out go around knock on the window oh my gosh and something about
window oh my gosh and something about
window oh my gosh and something about her bold conviction people would back
her bold conviction people would back
her bold conviction people would back their car out and give her her spot but
their car out and give her her spot but
their car out and give her her spot but imagine my sister and I are crouched
imagine my sister and I are crouched
imagine my sister and I are crouched down in the car horrified totally
down in the car horrified totally
down in the car horrified totally horrified and after grocery shopping we
horrified and after grocery shopping we
horrified and after grocery shopping we on the way home we would pepper her with
on the way home we would pepper her with
on the way home we would pepper her with a lot of feedback on how she could have
a lot of feedback on how she could have
a lot of feedback on how she could have handled that situation differently with
handled that situation differently with
handled that situation differently with a wave of the hand she would say don’t
a wave of the hand she would say don’t
a wave of the hand she would say don’t be ridiculous girls what would happen to
be ridiculous girls what would happen to
be ridiculous girls what would happen to that man if no one told him that he was
that man if no one told him that he was
that man if no one told him that he was rude besides being embarrassed is good
rude besides being embarrassed is good
rude besides being embarrassed is good for the soul so part of my social
for the soul so part of my social
for the soul so part of my social courage training involve frequent
courage training involve frequent
courage training involve frequent reminders that you can be a nice person
reminders that you can be a nice person
reminders that you can be a nice person who’s also polite but as you’re also can
who’s also polite but as you’re also can
who’s also polite but as you’re also can be fierce when someone crosses your
be fierce when someone crosses your
be fierce when someone crosses your boundaries and a sir
boundaries and a sir
boundaries and a sir right that is an important lesson
right that is an important lesson
right that is an important lesson so in middle school in high school I
so in middle school in high school I
so in middle school in high school I would speak up for things that I cared
would speak up for things that I cared
would speak up for things that I cared about by the time I got to college I
about by the time I got to college I
about by the time I got to college I grew more comfortable speaking up and
grew more comfortable speaking up and
grew more comfortable speaking up and you know holding people accountable when
you know holding people accountable when
you know holding people accountable when they were rude or offensive and if I
they were rude or offensive and if I
they were rude or offensive and if I remember if people made disparaging
remember if people made disparaging
remember if people made disparaging comments about women I’d step right up
comments about women I’d step right up
comments about women I’d step right up and let him know what I thought even
and let him know what I thought even
and let him know what I thought even though they would try to silence me
though they would try to silence me
though they would try to silence me there is always someone who’d be like
there is always someone who’d be like
there is always someone who’d be like what are you some kind of feminist I’d
what are you some kind of feminist I’d
what are you some kind of feminist I’d be like as a matter of fact I am as we
be like as a matter of fact I am as we
be like as a matter of fact I am as we all should be and you know I think if my
all should be and you know I think if my
all should be and you know I think if my lack of compliance would repel that
lack of compliance would repel that
lack of compliance would repel that person and offend them so much that kind
person and offend them so much that kind
person and offend them so much that kind of confirmed that my natural social
of confirmed that my natural social
of confirmed that my natural social filters were working quite well and so
filters were working quite well and so
filters were working quite well and so for you for young people think about
for you for young people think about
for you for young people think about what bugs you what offends you or hurt
what bugs you what offends you or hurt
what bugs you what offends you or hurt your feelings online and off and if
your feelings online and off and if
your feelings online and off and if people don’t want to be around you
people don’t want to be around you
people don’t want to be around you because you’re speaking your truth trust
because you’re speaking your truth trust
because you’re speaking your truth trust your repellents and move them right
your repellents and move them right
your repellents and move them right along so once we start building social
along so once we start building social
along so once we start building social courage the next step is to reinforce it
courage the next step is to reinforce it
courage the next step is to reinforce it in our communities and think about what
in our communities and think about what
in our communities and think about what it would be like if it was a norm for
it would be like if it was a norm for
it would be like if it was a norm for people to call out online cruelty if
people to call out online cruelty if
people to call out online cruelty if that was a norm what if people supported
that was a norm what if people supported
that was a norm what if people supported other people who were socially
other people who were socially
other people who were socially courageous right and what would it look
courageous right and what would it look
courageous right and what would it look like if you know like what would it look
like if you know like what would it look
like if you know like what would it look like if we like reinforced that
like if we like reinforced that
like if we like reinforced that everywhere we went with our friends and
everywhere we went with our friends and
everywhere we went with our friends and how would it be if everyone felt
how would it be if everyone felt
how would it be if everyone felt perfectly free to be their authentic
perfectly free to be their authentic
perfectly free to be their authentic self online and off so it is up to us to
self online and off so it is up to us to
self online and off so it is up to us to recognize to build to practice and
recognize to build to practice and
recognize to build to practice and spread social courage the world I hope
spread social courage the world I hope
spread social courage the world I hope for is a place that supports you to
for is a place that supports you to
for is a place that supports you to muster social courage and speak up for
muster social courage and speak up for
muster social courage and speak up for what matters and for what you know is
what matters and for what you know is
what matters and for what you know is right in your heart thank you
right in your heart thank you
right in your heart thank you [Applause]
”
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