Getting through the PressureCooker | Nkiru Olumide-Ojo | TEDxMendeWomen

it’s a city way thing that people are

it’s a city way thing that people are imbued with a lot of book ness and

imbued with a lot of book ness and

imbued with a lot of book ness and imbued with a lot of confidence now

imbued with a lot of confidence now

imbued with a lot of confidence now growing up in Pawtucket you are told

growing up in Pawtucket you are told

growing up in Pawtucket you are told that you can do almost anything you put

that you can do almost anything you put

that you can do almost anything you put your mind to and I really believe them

your mind to and I really believe them

your mind to and I really believe them so from pisacas I moved on to Lagos

so from pisacas I moved on to Lagos

so from pisacas I moved on to Lagos accompanied with my fearless self that I

accompanied with my fearless self that I

accompanied with my fearless self that I had developed in Port Harcourt

had developed in Port Harcourt

had developed in Port Harcourt now in Lagos I got a job and started

now in Lagos I got a job and started

now in Lagos I got a job and started working and I felt that there were lots

working and I felt that there were lots

working and I felt that there were lots of things that I was struggling with I

of things that I was struggling with I

of things that I was struggling with I believe that I was one of those people

believe that I was one of those people

believe that I was one of those people who said things exactly as they were you

who said things exactly as they were you

who said things exactly as they were you know one of those people you would meet

know one of those people you would meet

know one of those people you would meet in a meeting where someone had put

in a meeting where someone had put

in a meeting where someone had put through a slide that said six plus six

through a slide that said six plus six

through a slide that said six plus six is nine he just made an innocent mistake

is nine he just made an innocent mistake

is nine he just made an innocent mistake I was one of those people that would say

I was one of those people that would say

I was one of those people that would say excuse me six or six is ten very boldly

excuse me six or six is ten very boldly

excuse me six or six is ten very boldly and without fear so I spent a lot of

and without fear so I spent a lot of

and without fear so I spent a lot of time trying to dial up myself and dial

time trying to dial up myself and dial

time trying to dial up myself and dial down myself and it’s a wonder that I

down myself and it’s a wonder that I

down myself and it’s a wonder that I didn’t lose myself I missed it all now

didn’t lose myself I missed it all now

didn’t lose myself I missed it all now fast forward to wealth I was still in

fast forward to wealth I was still in

fast forward to wealth I was still in this struggle I got married and then the

this struggle I got married and then the

this struggle I got married and then the children started coming you know I’m not

children started coming you know I’m not

children started coming you know I’m not wake up one day and there was this

wake up one day and there was this

wake up one day and there was this little child crying and needing me I

little child crying and needing me I

little child crying and needing me I mean it was surprising because I thought

mean it was surprising because I thought

mean it was surprising because I thought even I still needed my mother and whilst

even I still needed my mother and whilst

even I still needed my mother and whilst I continued with with this child who

I continued with with this child who

I continued with with this child who needed me I also had to balance the home

needed me I also had to balance the home

needed me I also had to balance the home and ensure that dinner was prepared and

and ensure that dinner was prepared and

and ensure that dinner was prepared and things just started falling apart you

things just started falling apart you

things just started falling apart you know I would find that I missed them

know I would find that I missed them

know I would find that I missed them vaccinations you know I found that I

vaccinations you know I found that I

vaccinations you know I found that I missed things that I thought were really

missed things that I thought were really

missed things that I thought were really important that no serious person should

important that no serious person should

important that no serious person should be missing and so one day I cried I

be missing and so one day I cried I

be missing and so one day I cried I cried because I was frustrated I cried

cried because I was frustrated I cried

cried because I was frustrated I cried and you know was crying I looked and

and you know was crying I looked and

and you know was crying I looked and thought hey is that really me the bold

thought hey is that really me the bold

thought hey is that really me the bold confident girl from petticoat who came

confident girl from petticoat who came

confident girl from petticoat who came from a no-holds bad society and

from a no-holds bad society and

from a no-holds bad society and who felt she could do anything and so I

who felt she could do anything and so I

who felt she could do anything and so I kept being frustrated and looking for

kept being frustrated and looking for

kept being frustrated and looking for answers and solutions I’ll go for and

answers and solutions I’ll go for and

answers and solutions I’ll go for and then I thought I’ll say something else

then I thought I’ll say something else

then I thought I’ll say something else to her I’ll say to her look it’s okay to

to her I’ll say to her look it’s okay to

to her I’ll say to her look it’s okay to cry because some days I was so

cry because some days I was so

cry because some days I was so frustrated with trying to balance

frustrated with trying to balance

frustrated with trying to balance everything that I literally broke up and

everything that I literally broke up and

everything that I literally broke up and broke down in tears now crying is fine

broke down in tears now crying is fine

broke down in tears now crying is fine but what do you do after the tears what

but what do you do after the tears what

but what do you do after the tears what you do after those tears is just rise up

you do after those tears is just rise up

you do after those tears is just rise up and keep going

and keep going

and keep going now along the way I did meet a lot of

now along the way I did meet a lot of

now along the way I did meet a lot of judgmental people I mean I miss all of

judgmental people I mean I miss all of

judgmental people I mean I miss all of the things that were happening to me if

the things that were happening to me if

the things that were happening to me if I took my son or my child to the

I took my son or my child to the

I took my son or my child to the hospital and then I met one of those

hospital and then I met one of those

hospital and then I met one of those matrons you know those matrons this big

matrons you know those matrons this big

matrons you know those matrons this big type of matrons as soon as I came in in

type of matrons as soon as I came in in

type of matrons as soon as I came in in my suits I would say and then the

my suits I would say and then the

my suits I would say and then the conversation go like this what does the

conversation go like this what does the

conversation go like this what does the child have I’ll be like diarrhea do you

child have I’ll be like diarrhea do you

child have I’ll be like diarrhea do you like diarrhea madam is this child an

like diarrhea madam is this child an

like diarrhea madam is this child an exclusive or is this child on on the

exclusive or is this child on on the

exclusive or is this child on on the bottle of course you know what the

bottle of course you know what the

bottle of course you know what the answer is I’m like before I begin the

answer is I’m like before I begin the

answer is I’m like before I begin the bottle I get a big lecture of how the

bottle I get a big lecture of how the

bottle I get a big lecture of how the bottle is really bad for the child and

bottle is really bad for the child and

bottle is really bad for the child and how every child who has the bottle and

how every child who has the bottle and

how every child who has the bottle and how exclusive is an answer to all the

how exclusive is an answer to all the

how exclusive is an answer to all the world’s problems but I think the message

world’s problems but I think the message

world’s problems but I think the message hearing is every woman every working

hearing is every woman every working

hearing is every woman every working mother and every woman you meet is going

mother and every woman you meet is going

mother and every woman you meet is going through something please do not judge

through something please do not judge

through something please do not judge her I think that’s a really important

her I think that’s a really important

her I think that’s a really important message that we should each go away with

message that we should each go away with

message that we should each go away with the third thing I would say to her is

the third thing I would say to her is

the third thing I would say to her is there are many things that hold you back

there are many things that hold you back

there are many things that hold you back please do not be the woman that standing

please do not be the woman that standing

please do not be the woman that standing that stands in her own way and how can a

that stands in her own way and how can a

that stands in her own way and how can a woman stand in her own way I think that

woman stand in her own way I think that

woman stand in her own way I think that a woman stands in her own way when she

a woman stands in her own way when she

a woman stands in her own way when she doesn’t show up and then explain it I’m

doesn’t show up and then explain it I’m

doesn’t show up and then explain it I’m gonna be sitting those meetings those

gonna be sitting those meetings those

gonna be sitting those meetings those really big meeting executive meetings

really big meeting executive meetings

really big meeting executive meetings where you have all sorts of senior

where you have all sorts of senior

where you have all sorts of senior people and someone has asked a really

people and someone has asked a really

people and someone has asked a really intelligent question and you know you

intelligent question and you know you

intelligent question and you know you know the answers but you’re mulling in

know the answers but you’re mulling in

know the answers but you’re mulling in your brain and thinking how am I gonna

your brain and thinking how am I gonna

your brain and thinking how am I gonna freeze this how am I gonna respond and

freeze this how am I gonna respond and

freeze this how am I gonna respond and just before you muster up the courage to

just before you muster up the courage to

just before you muster up the courage to respond another man has responded and

respond another man has responded and

respond another man has responded and you’re thinking excuse me I know that we

you’re thinking excuse me I know that we

you’re thinking excuse me I know that we I know that answer that’s the very thing

I know that answer that’s the very thing

I know that answer that’s the very thing that I should have been saying so I

that I should have been saying so I

that I should have been saying so I think the message in there for us is

think the message in there for us is

think the message in there for us is please be courageous I mean the answers

please be courageous I mean the answers

please be courageous I mean the answers don’t always have to be right and to be

don’t always have to be right and to be

don’t always have to be right and to be honest when is not right the world

honest when is not right the world

honest when is not right the world doesn’t break through the world doesn’t

doesn’t break through the world doesn’t

doesn’t break through the world doesn’t come to an end

come to an end

come to an end but please be courageous to speak up in

but please be courageous to speak up in

but please be courageous to speak up in writing my manual the second thing I was

writing my manual the second thing I was

writing my manual the second thing I was gonna say to her is there’ll be days

gonna say to her is there’ll be days

gonna say to her is there’ll be days when you miss vaccinations there’ll be

when you miss vaccinations there’ll be

when you miss vaccinations there’ll be days when you forget to take your breast

days when you forget to take your breast

days when you forget to take your breast pads there’ll be days when the world

pads there’ll be days when the world

pads there’ll be days when the world falls apart but I promise you that all

falls apart but I promise you that all

falls apart but I promise you that all you need to do is put yourself together

you need to do is put yourself together

you need to do is put yourself together and begin the journey again now one of

and begin the journey again now one of

and begin the journey again now one of the other things I would say to her is

the other things I would say to her is

the other things I would say to her is women can also support women no one

women can also support women no one

women can also support women no one wrote the handbook or the manual for me

wrote the handbook or the manual for me

wrote the handbook or the manual for me you’ll agree that that all sorts of

you’ll agree that that all sorts of

you’ll agree that that all sorts of manual they’re different manuals about

manual they’re different manuals about

manual they’re different manuals about how to meet your husband or how a woman

how to meet your husband or how a woman

how to meet your husband or how a woman meets or how a man meets his wife

meets or how a man meets his wife

meets or how a man meets his wife there’s a manual on how to keep your

there’s a manual on how to keep your

there’s a manual on how to keep your husband when you’ve gotten him there’s a

husband when you’ve gotten him there’s a

husband when you’ve gotten him there’s a manual on how to keep your wife when

manual on how to keep your wife when

manual on how to keep your wife when you’ve gotten her I mean there’s even a

you’ve gotten her I mean there’s even a

you’ve gotten her I mean there’s even a manual on how to have great sex but the

manual on how to have great sex but the

manual on how to have great sex but the one manual that we miss is how to help

one manual that we miss is how to help

one manual that we miss is how to help the woman survive the pressure cooker

the woman survive the pressure cooker

the woman survive the pressure cooker and that’s what my column did for me and

and that’s what my column did for me and

and that’s what my column did for me and again I graduated from the column to

again I graduated from the column to

again I graduated from the column to make this a book called the pressure

make this a book called the pressure

make this a book called the pressure cooker lessons from a woman at work and

cooker lessons from a woman at work and

cooker lessons from a woman at work and the message really in there is to say to

the message really in there is to say to

the message really in there is to say to each one and every woman you can be the

each one and every woman you can be the

each one and every woman you can be the support you can be the manual that the

support you can be the manual that the

support you can be the manual that the other woman hasn’t read or that the

other woman hasn’t read or that the

other woman hasn’t read or that the other woman couldn’t find and how can

other woman couldn’t find and how can

other woman couldn’t find and how can you do that you can pause and just share

you do that you can pause and just share

you do that you can pause and just share experiences I remember one of the young

experiences I remember one of the young

experiences I remember one of the young girls who I had worked with in the past

girls who I had worked with in the past

girls who I had worked with in the past who had come to me to say to me oh she

who had come to me to say to me oh she

who had come to me to say to me oh she was struggling she couldn’t keep it all

was struggling she couldn’t keep it all

was struggling she couldn’t keep it all together she was really having a bad

together she was really having a bad

together she was really having a bad hair day and I said to her I promise you

hair day and I said to her I promise you

hair day and I said to her I promise you I’m also set up on looking great but I

I’m also set up on looking great but I

I’m also set up on looking great but I have no idea what’s for dinner and

have no idea what’s for dinner and

have no idea what’s for dinner and that’s how it is there’ll be days when

that’s how it is there’ll be days when

that’s how it is there’ll be days when you don’t have those things there’ll be

you don’t have those things there’ll be

you don’t have those things there’ll be days where you cannot organize there’ll

days where you cannot organize there’ll

days where you cannot organize there’ll be days when you’ll be so frustrated but

be days when you’ll be so frustrated but

be days when you’ll be so frustrated but I believe that if you compose think

I believe that if you compose think

I believe that if you compose think about the other woman right Harry Monroe

about the other woman right Harry Monroe

about the other woman right Harry Monroe just share your experiences so she knows

just share your experiences so she knows

just share your experiences so she knows that the world is imperfect I believe it

that the world is imperfect I believe it

that the world is imperfect I believe it would be a great way to build those

would be a great way to build those

would be a great way to build those bridges