If We Want to Speak Out, We Should First Listen In | Millie Baker | TEDxHeidelberg

Wow crazy so there’s a Buddhist nun Pema

Wow crazy so there’s a Buddhist nun Pema Chodron she’s an American lady and she

Chodron she’s an American lady and she

Chodron she’s an American lady and she often speaks to large groups like this

often speaks to large groups like this

often speaks to large groups like this and she has a talk she calls

and she has a talk she calls

and she has a talk she calls unconditional confidence and she begins

unconditional confidence and she begins

unconditional confidence and she begins that talk by comparing the beginning of

that talk by comparing the beginning of

that talk by comparing the beginning of a talk to the situation of an artist

a talk to the situation of an artist

a talk to the situation of an artist standing in front of her empty canvas or

standing in front of her empty canvas or

standing in front of her empty canvas or a writer sitting in front of an empty

a writer sitting in front of an empty

a writer sitting in front of an empty piece of paper the situations she says

piece of paper the situations she says

piece of paper the situations she says is wide open

is wide open

is wide open it’s just unknown even the artist the

it’s just unknown even the artist the

it’s just unknown even the artist the writer or the speaker doesn’t really

writer or the speaker doesn’t really

writer or the speaker doesn’t really know what’s going to happen next and

know what’s going to happen next and

know what’s going to happen next and then a word happens and then another

then a word happens and then another

then a word happens and then another word happens

word happens

word happens and somehow the piece or the talk just

and somehow the piece or the talk just

and somehow the piece or the talk just unfolds from there and it’s an

unfolds from there and it’s an

unfolds from there and it’s an interesting situation we’re in you and I

interesting situation we’re in you and I

interesting situation we’re in you and I when we come to see a talk in no other

when we come to see a talk in no other

when we come to see a talk in no other situation do we have the focused

situation do we have the focused

situation do we have the focused attention of so many people gathered

attention of so many people gathered

attention of so many people gathered into one place as it is now between you

into one place as it is now between you

into one place as it is now between you listening and me speaking even if we go

listening and me speaking even if we go

listening and me speaking even if we go to see a theatrical performance or

to see a theatrical performance or

to see a theatrical performance or musical performance there’s the added

musical performance there’s the added

musical performance there’s the added elements of the instruments or the story

elements of the instruments or the story

elements of the instruments or the story or the set things which take our

or the set things which take our

or the set things which take our attention and make it more diffuse and

attention and make it more diffuse and

attention and make it more diffuse and actors the way I see it when they’re

actors the way I see it when they’re

actors the way I see it when they’re standing on a stage they’re not

standing on a stage they’re not

standing on a stage they’re not interacting directly with people seeing

interacting directly with people seeing

interacting directly with people seeing and being seen just for who they are in

and being seen just for who they are in

and being seen just for who they are in the way that’s happening now and it does

the way that’s happening now and it does

the way that’s happening now and it does not surprise me that the majority of

not surprise me that the majority of

not surprise me that the majority of people feel nervous about being

people feel nervous about being

people feel nervous about being in this spot here because it’s unusual

in this spot here because it’s unusual

in this spot here because it’s unusual when do we stand and receive the focused

when do we stand and receive the focused

when do we stand and receive the focused attention of so many people we might

attention of so many people we might

attention of so many people we might well ask ourselves whether we can relax

well ask ourselves whether we can relax

well ask ourselves whether we can relax and enjoy doing this thing and get our

and enjoy doing this thing and get our

and enjoy doing this thing and get our message across in the way that we would

message across in the way that we would

message across in the way that we would most enjoy you know with the most

most enjoy you know with the most

most enjoy you know with the most elegance and width that we would like

elegance and width that we would like

elegance and width that we would like but there is this sense of possibility

but there is this sense of possibility

but there is this sense of possibility there is this possibility that if we

there is this possibility that if we

there is this possibility that if we stay open and in connection in this

stay open and in connection in this

stay open and in connection in this wide-open space that it might be

wide-open space that it might be

wide-open space that it might be possible for us to have a truly

possible for us to have a truly

possible for us to have a truly meaningful conversation it’s not

meaningful conversation it’s not

meaningful conversation it’s not actually my first time standing on a

actually my first time standing on a

actually my first time standing on a Heidelberg stage I know I have a British

Heidelberg stage I know I have a British

Heidelberg stage I know I have a British accent but I studied in Heidelberg and I

accent but I studied in Heidelberg and I

accent but I studied in Heidelberg and I was much cooler when I was younger and I

was much cooler when I was younger and I

was much cooler when I was younger and I was in a band I played bass guitar I

wasn’t actually very good to be honest I

wasn’t actually very good to be honest I couldn’t read music and I kind of just

couldn’t read music and I kind of just

couldn’t read music and I kind of just made it up as I went along but it was

made it up as I went along but it was

made it up as I went along but it was good enough and we we played gigs in

good enough and we we played gigs in

good enough and we we played gigs in this area one gig we played was at the

this area one gig we played was at the

this area one gig we played was at the Karl’s tour bahnhof for those of you who

Karl’s tour bahnhof for those of you who

Karl’s tour bahnhof for those of you who know that and I can remember standing on

know that and I can remember standing on

know that and I can remember standing on the stage with my bass in my hand and

the stage with my bass in my hand and

the stage with my bass in my hand and just freezing as I looked at the

just freezing as I looked at the

just freezing as I looked at the audience and realized they were paying

audience and realized they were paying

audience and realized they were paying attention to what we were doing up on

attention to what we were doing up on

attention to what we were doing up on the stage it was just overwhelming

the stage it was just overwhelming

the stage it was just overwhelming so I intelligently came up with a really

so I intelligently came up with a really

so I intelligently came up with a really good strategy I played with the entire

good strategy I played with the entire

good strategy I played with the entire gig like this my favorite gig was in

gig like this my favorite gig was in

gig like this my favorite gig was in Mannheim where there wasn’t enough space

Mannheim where there wasn’t enough space

Mannheim where there wasn’t enough space for the band to play in the main hall so

for the band to play in the main hall so

for the band to play in the main hall so they put us in a room on our own heaven

they put us in a room on our own heaven

they put us in a room on our own heaven I just I sat and play invisible to

I just I sat and play invisible to

I just I sat and play invisible to everyone i sat and played and enjoyed

everyone i sat and played and enjoyed

everyone i sat and played and enjoyed the music the thing that was a bit

the music the thing that was a bit

the music the thing that was a bit strange about that was at the time I

strange about that was at the time I

strange about that was at the time I considered myself to be a really

considered myself to be a really

considered myself to be a really confident person I didn’t have shyness

confident person I didn’t have shyness

confident person I didn’t have shyness as part of my self-identity at all I

as part of my self-identity at all I

as part of my self-identity at all I thought I was out go

thought I was out go

thought I was out go extrovert dynamic I can do this so what

extrovert dynamic I can do this so what

extrovert dynamic I can do this so what I did with the experience of shyness was

I did with the experience of shyness was

I did with the experience of shyness was I just denied it to myself I just didn’t

I just denied it to myself I just didn’t

I just denied it to myself I just didn’t look I didn’t take it in I just

look I didn’t take it in I just

look I didn’t take it in I just pretended that I wasn’t shy but when I

pretended that I wasn’t shy but when I

pretended that I wasn’t shy but when I looked back at that time and in fact

looked back at that time and in fact

looked back at that time and in fact when I look back over my whole life I

when I look back over my whole life I

when I look back over my whole life I can see periods of anxiety that have

can see periods of anxiety that have

can see periods of anxiety that have kind of just happened to me for various

kind of just happened to me for various

kind of just happened to me for various reasons public speaking among them and

reasons public speaking among them and

reasons public speaking among them and it was at that moment when I started to

it was at that moment when I started to

it was at that moment when I started to admit to myself that I was actually

admit to myself that I was actually

admit to myself that I was actually feeling nervousness in perhaps a

feeling nervousness in perhaps a

feeling nervousness in perhaps a situation like this that I was able to

situation like this that I was able to

situation like this that I was able to start looking for answers on how to

start looking for answers on how to

start looking for answers on how to build actual confidence and I found some

build actual confidence and I found some

build actual confidence and I found some I found some answers and when I found

I found some answers and when I found

I found some answers and when I found them I just experienced the kind of a

them I just experienced the kind of a

them I just experienced the kind of a natural motivation to want to share

natural motivation to want to share

natural motivation to want to share those answers with people that might

those answers with people that might

those answers with people that might also sometimes feel that the ground was

also sometimes feel that the ground was

also sometimes feel that the ground was missing underneath their feet and that’s

missing underneath their feet and that’s

missing underneath their feet and that’s the story of how I became a trainer and

the story of how I became a trainer and

the story of how I became a trainer and a coach in confident and present public

a coach in confident and present public

a coach in confident and present public speaking and I’d like to share a little

speaking and I’d like to share a little

speaking and I’d like to share a little bit more with you about the things I’ve

bit more with you about the things I’ve

bit more with you about the things I’ve learnt in that and to point out that

learnt in that and to point out that

learnt in that and to point out that confidence is not something that we can

confidence is not something that we can

confidence is not something that we can think our way into we don’t tell

think our way into we don’t tell

think our way into we don’t tell ourselves be confident and it works but

ourselves be confident and it works but

ourselves be confident and it works but what we can do is to develop more

what we can do is to develop more

what we can do is to develop more sensitivity to the body to what we’re

sensitivity to the body to what we’re

sensitivity to the body to what we’re feeling and when we have more

feeling and when we have more

feeling and when we have more understanding of what’s taking place in

understanding of what’s taking place in

understanding of what’s taking place in the body the ground begins to firm up

the body the ground begins to firm up

the body the ground begins to firm up underneath our feet and we can feel more

underneath our feet and we can feel more

underneath our feet and we can feel more solid and that’s true even if we are

solid and that’s true even if we are

solid and that’s true even if we are feeling nervous so one of the main kind

feeling nervous so one of the main kind

feeling nervous so one of the main kind of insights that I’ve had around this is

of insights that I’ve had around this is

of insights that I’ve had around this is an understanding of the way the nervous

an understanding of the way the nervous

an understanding of the way the nervous system works in particular the autonomic

system works in particular the autonomic

system works in particular the autonomic nervous system so for those of you who

nervous system so for those of you who

nervous system so for those of you who know that’s the sympathetic and the

know that’s the sympathetic and the

know that’s the sympathetic and the parasympathetic branches of the nervous

parasympathetic branches of the nervous

parasympathetic branches of the nervous system and commonly these are known as

system and commonly these are known as

system and commonly these are known as fight and flight on the one hand and

fight and flight on the one hand and

fight and flight on the one hand and what I’ll call rest and I

what I’ll call rest and I

what I’ll call rest and I just on the other so you know the way it

just on the other so you know the way it

just on the other so you know the way it is if we’re feeling that there’s a

is if we’re feeling that there’s a

is if we’re feeling that there’s a threat in the environment something

threat in the environment something

threat in the environment something which is scary or possibly even just by

which is scary or possibly even just by

which is scary or possibly even just by imagining a potential threat we get

imagining a potential threat we get

imagining a potential threat we get triggered into this fight-or-flight

triggered into this fight-or-flight

triggered into this fight-or-flight response and then we get full of energy

response and then we get full of energy

response and then we get full of energy we tense up we do all kinds of things

we tense up we do all kinds of things

we tense up we do all kinds of things that will enable us to fight a potential

that will enable us to fight a potential

that will enable us to fight a potential threat or possibly run away from it when

threat or possibly run away from it when

threat or possibly run away from it when we’re in the rest and digest states then

we’re in the rest and digest states then

we’re in the rest and digest states then we feel safe and we can do things like

we feel safe and we can do things like

we feel safe and we can do things like eat sleep heal wounds process

eat sleep heal wounds process

eat sleep heal wounds process information and relevant for our topic

information and relevant for our topic

information and relevant for our topic today when the rest and digest state is

today when the rest and digest state is

today when the rest and digest state is dominant in the system we can socially

dominant in the system we can socially

dominant in the system we can socially engage and so there’s a term which a

engage and so there’s a term which a

engage and so there’s a term which a researcher called Stephen Porges has

researcher called Stephen Porges has

researcher called Stephen Porges has coined which is the social engagement

coined which is the social engagement

coined which is the social engagement system and that is simply the way that

system and that is simply the way that

system and that is simply the way that our body organizes around being in

our body organizes around being in

our body organizes around being in connection with people when we feel safe

connection with people when we feel safe

connection with people when we feel safe so I’d like to share a couple of

so I’d like to share a couple of

so I’d like to share a couple of pictures with you to demonstrate these

pictures with you to demonstrate these

pictures with you to demonstrate these things this is me when I was little and

things this is me when I was little and

things this is me when I was little and you may be able to tell from my body

you may be able to tell from my body

you may be able to tell from my body language here that I’m not entirely

language here that I’m not entirely

language here that I’m not entirely happy so my shoulders are coming up my

happy so my shoulders are coming up my

happy so my shoulders are coming up my neck and my back muscles are tensing

neck and my back muscles are tensing

neck and my back muscles are tensing which is pushing my head forwards very

which is pushing my head forwards very

which is pushing my head forwards very slightly and my fingers are curling like

slightly and my fingers are curling like

slightly and my fingers are curling like this I’m old enough to think I should be

this I’m old enough to think I should be

this I’m old enough to think I should be smiling at the camera so I’m really

smiling at the camera so I’m really

smiling at the camera so I’m really doing my best but it’s tough and so we

doing my best but it’s tough and so we

doing my best but it’s tough and so we kind of got this mixture of like so this

kind of got this mixture of like so this

kind of got this mixture of like so this is would be what a demonstration of how

is would be what a demonstration of how

is would be what a demonstration of how fight and flight is actually operating

fight and flight is actually operating

fight and flight is actually operating physically in the body this on the other

physically in the body this on the other

physically in the body this on the other hand was a photograph taken by my

hand was a photograph taken by my

hand was a photograph taken by my beloved uncle Clive and I loved him I

beloved uncle Clive and I loved him I

beloved uncle Clive and I loved him I loved hanging out with him I loved our

loved hanging out with him I loved our

loved hanging out with him I loved our connection and so I felt very safe with

connection and so I felt very safe with

connection and so I felt very safe with him and you can see my body soft my face

him and you can see my body soft my face

him and you can see my body soft my face is relaxed and I’m socially engaged

is relaxed and I’m socially engaged

is relaxed and I’m socially engaged I have the main parasympathetic resin

I have the main parasympathetic resin

I have the main parasympathetic resin digest activity in the body and

digest activity in the body and

digest activity in the body and therefore I’m able to enter into the

therefore I’m able to enter into the

therefore I’m able to enter into the social engagement with my uncle seeing

social engagement with my uncle seeing

social engagement with my uncle seeing him being seen by him and really

him being seen by him and really

him being seen by him and really enjoying it this is an example of a

enjoying it this is an example of a

enjoying it this is an example of a public speaker a professional speaker in

public speaker a professional speaker in

public speaker a professional speaker in this case who seems to me to feel

this case who seems to me to feel

this case who seems to me to feel incredibly comfortable on stage she’s

incredibly comfortable on stage she’s

incredibly comfortable on stage she’s using the full range of her body

using the full range of her body

using the full range of her body language she’s relaxing her face she’s

language she’s relaxing her face she’s

language she’s relaxing her face she’s smiling she’s expressing herself and

smiling she’s expressing herself and

smiling she’s expressing herself and most importantly I think she’s

most importantly I think she’s

most importantly I think she’s expressing social engagement to such a

expressing social engagement to such a

expressing social engagement to such a high degree because she’s clearly

high degree because she’s clearly

high degree because she’s clearly enjoying being seen she’s kind of

enjoying being seen she’s kind of

enjoying being seen she’s kind of soaking up for the attention of the

soaking up for the attention of the

soaking up for the attention of the audience so the question becomes it can

audience so the question becomes it can

audience so the question becomes it can be quite easy to get triggered into

be quite easy to get triggered into

be quite easy to get triggered into fight and flight we’re human we respond

fight and flight we’re human we respond

fight and flight we’re human we respond to things all the time consciously or

to things all the time consciously or

to things all the time consciously or unconsciously that’s okay it’s normal we

unconsciously that’s okay it’s normal we

unconsciously that’s okay it’s normal we can manage that but what matters is

can manage that but what matters is

can manage that but what matters is being able to support ourselves to move

being able to support ourselves to move

being able to support ourselves to move into social engagement so that we’re in

into social engagement so that we’re in

into social engagement so that we’re in when we’re in situations like this we

when we’re in situations like this we

when we’re in situations like this we can relax and connect so the one of the

can relax and connect so the one of the

can relax and connect so the one of the main pathways that I’ve found for

main pathways that I’ve found for

main pathways that I’ve found for supporting myself to enter into social

supporting myself to enter into social

supporting myself to enter into social engagement is something that I learnt

engagement is something that I learnt

engagement is something that I learnt with a training organization called

with a training organization called

with a training organization called speaking circles in speaking circles

speaking circles in speaking circles

speaking circles in speaking circles they train what’s called relational

they train what’s called relational

they train what’s called relational presence and that simply means the

presence and that simply means the

presence and that simply means the ability to stay present and in

ability to stay present and in

ability to stay present and in relationship with the people with

relationship with the people with

relationship with the people with sweetie that matters because often when

sweetie that matters because often when

sweetie that matters because often when we see an audience of instinctive

we see an audience of instinctive

we see an audience of instinctive response is to somehow find it too

response is to somehow find it too

response is to somehow find it too distracting as me with the bass guitar

distracting as me with the bass guitar

distracting as me with the bass guitar and to disconnect and so speakers will

and to disconnect and so speakers will

and to disconnect and so speakers will often find anywhere to look except the

often find anywhere to look except the

often find anywhere to look except the audience they’ll address the air the

audience they’ll address the air the

audience they’ll address the air the heavens they may just address the front

heavens they may just address the front

heavens they may just address the front row

row

row or possibly they kind of just stare into

or possibly they kind of just stare into

or possibly they kind of just stare into the middle distance and just kind of

the middle distance and just kind of

the middle distance and just kind of address the audience as a group as a

address the audience as a group as a

address the audience as a group as a whole but what relational presence does

whole but what relational presence does

whole but what relational presence does which is different is it encourages a

which is different is it encourages a

which is different is it encourages a connection between individuals so that

connection between individuals so that

connection between individuals so that in this moment I’m seeing somebody and

in this moment I’m seeing somebody and

in this moment I’m seeing somebody and I’m allowing them to see me and then I’m

I’m allowing them to see me and then I’m

I’m allowing them to see me and then I’m moving on to the next person what

moving on to the next person what

moving on to the next person what happens when we allow ourselves to

happens when we allow ourselves to

happens when we allow ourselves to connect with individuals rather than

connect with individuals rather than

connect with individuals rather than seeing a mass or avoiding is that we

seeing a mass or avoiding is that we

seeing a mass or avoiding is that we support the message internally that

support the message internally that

support the message internally that we’re safe because we can manage

we’re safe because we can manage

we’re safe because we can manage one-to-one so we get that message I’m

one-to-one so we get that message I’m

one-to-one so we get that message I’m safe and that supports us then to move

safe and that supports us then to move

safe and that supports us then to move more into social engagement now that’s

more into social engagement now that’s

more into social engagement now that’s all very well but sometimes when we look

all very well but sometimes when we look

all very well but sometimes when we look at the people we’re speaking to they

at the people we’re speaking to they

at the people we’re speaking to they look like this now these are classified

look like this now these are classified

look like this now these are classified neutral expressions we don’t know what’s

neutral expressions we don’t know what’s

neutral expressions we don’t know what’s really going on in these people’s face

really going on in these people’s face

really going on in these people’s face minds and hearts but if we were nervous

minds and hearts but if we were nervous

minds and hearts but if we were nervous especially then it would be very easy

especially then it would be very easy

especially then it would be very easy for us to read in or project criticism

for us to read in or project criticism

for us to read in or project criticism and judgment onto those faces that’s

and judgment onto those faces that’s

and judgment onto those faces that’s when it’s easy sometimes we look into an

when it’s easy sometimes we look into an

when it’s easy sometimes we look into an audience and the expression we see is

audience and the expression we see is

audience and the expression we see is this it’s a cat we have no idea what

this it’s a cat we have no idea what

this it’s a cat we have no idea what that cat is thinking and feeling it

that cat is thinking and feeling it

that cat is thinking and feeling it might be feeling like this but the thing

might be feeling like this but the thing

might be feeling like this but the thing that matters is that we need to

that matters is that we need to

that matters is that we need to recognize we have this mechanism to

recognize we have this mechanism to

recognize we have this mechanism to project just because the cat has a

project just because the cat has a

project just because the cat has a certain expression a certain tilt of the

certain expression a certain tilt of the

certain expression a certain tilt of the head a certain lowering of the eyelids

head a certain lowering of the eyelids

head a certain lowering of the eyelids that’s something we interpret as

that’s something we interpret as

that’s something we interpret as judgment or possibly anger and if that’s

judgment or possibly anger and if that’s

judgment or possibly anger and if that’s what we see in the audience what will

what we see in the audience what will

what we see in the audience what will happen each time is that we’ll get a

happen each time is that we’ll get a

happen each time is that we’ll get a slight injection of fight and flight

slight injection of fight and flight

slight injection of fight and flight that will make us feel slightly nervous

that will make us feel slightly nervous

that will make us feel slightly nervous and it would only take one or two people

and it would only take one or two people

and it would only take one or two people in the audience to look like this for us

in the audience to look like this for us

in the audience to look like this for us to feel ah it’s not okay I’m not doing a

to feel ah it’s not okay I’m not doing a

to feel ah it’s not okay I’m not doing a good job they don’t like it

I’m going to come back to that I wonder

I’m going to come back to that I wonder if you’ve been able to guess what these

if you’ve been able to guess what these

if you’ve been able to guess what these are

are

are I don’t was that a yes what is it you

I don’t was that a yes what is it you

I don’t was that a yes what is it you know the pictures are amazing so often

know the pictures are amazing so often

know the pictures are amazing so often people think of ice cream bacteria in

people think of ice cream bacteria in

people think of ice cream bacteria in fact they are the inside of golf balls

this is a piece by an artist called

this is a piece by an artist called James Friedman it’s called interior

James Friedman it’s called interior

James Friedman it’s called interior design who would have known how

design who would have known how

design who would have known how multicolored and vibrant and various

multicolored and vibrant and various

multicolored and vibrant and various these interiors could be when we look at

these interiors could be when we look at

these interiors could be when we look at the exterior we receive such little

the exterior we receive such little

the exterior we receive such little information but what’s really going on

information but what’s really going on

information but what’s really going on on the inside so the advice is when you

on the inside so the advice is when you

on the inside so the advice is when you are addressing your audiences whether

are addressing your audiences whether

are addressing your audiences whether that’s in a big event or whether you’re

that’s in a big event or whether you’re

that’s in a big event or whether you’re just contributing in a meeting or you

just contributing in a meeting or you

just contributing in a meeting or you may even simply be with friends at

may even simply be with friends at

may even simply be with friends at dinner

dinner

dinner don’t assume you know how people are

don’t assume you know how people are

don’t assume you know how people are receiving you just because they have on

receiving you just because they have on

receiving you just because they have on a particular expression

a particular expression

a particular expression it’s much too easy to get it wrong

it’s much too easy to get it wrong

it’s much too easy to get it wrong instead what’s wise is to bring a little

instead what’s wise is to bring a little

instead what’s wise is to bring a little bit more trust but everything’s okay

bit more trust but everything’s okay

bit more trust but everything’s okay bringing in a bit more trust can help

bringing in a bit more trust can help

bringing in a bit more trust can help the nervous system just feel like we’re

the nervous system just feel like we’re

the nervous system just feel like we’re good we’re good

so a couple of days ago I tried to go

so a couple of days ago I tried to go swimming I went to the dumpster Hoff

swimming I went to the dumpster Hoff

swimming I went to the dumpster Hoff swimming pool here in Heidelberg and it

swimming pool here in Heidelberg and it

swimming pool here in Heidelberg and it was a bit strange because the ticket

was a bit strange because the ticket

was a bit strange because the ticket machines had closed but the gate was

machines had closed but the gate was

machines had closed but the gate was open so I kind of walked in and then

open so I kind of walked in and then

open so I kind of walked in and then other people were walking in but what I

other people were walking in but what I

other people were walking in but what I saw

saw

saw every time somebody passed me by they

every time somebody passed me by they

every time somebody passed me by they smiled at me really warmly and I thought

smiled at me really warmly and I thought

smiled at me really warmly and I thought how friendly that’s lovely why are they

how friendly that’s lovely why are they

how friendly that’s lovely why are they doing that and then I suddenly worked

doing that and then I suddenly worked

doing that and then I suddenly worked out as I’d walked towards the pool that

out as I’d walked towards the pool that

out as I’d walked towards the pool that actually it was a private club night not

actually it was a private club night not

actually it was a private club night not open to the public so I turned around

open to the public so I turned around

open to the public so I turned around left the building and everyone I passed

left the building and everyone I passed

left the building and everyone I passed just smiled at me really warmly and then

just smiled at me really warmly and then

just smiled at me really warmly and then it dawned

it dawned

it dawned me they thought I was part of the club

me they thought I was part of the club

me they thought I was part of the club they’d never seen me before but they

they’d never seen me before but they

they’d never seen me before but they just assumed I was one of them and don’t

just assumed I was one of them and don’t

just assumed I was one of them and don’t we have this natural capacity to bring

we have this natural capacity to bring

we have this natural capacity to bring more trust and openness into situations

more trust and openness into situations

more trust and openness into situations with other people as long as we feel

with other people as long as we feel

with other people as long as we feel some kind of kinship but what would it

some kind of kinship but what would it

some kind of kinship but what would it be like if we brought that trust and

be like if we brought that trust and

be like if we brought that trust and openness into more of our communication

openness into more of our communication

openness into more of our communication when the situation is perhaps more

when the situation is perhaps more

when the situation is perhaps more challenging for example if you would be

challenging for example if you would be

challenging for example if you would be standing on this stage now as I am with

standing on this stage now as I am with

standing on this stage now as I am with you because I suspect that you didn’t

you because I suspect that you didn’t

you because I suspect that you didn’t just come here tonight to hear new ideas

just come here tonight to hear new ideas

just come here tonight to hear new ideas and be entertained although that may

and be entertained although that may

and be entertained although that may also be true but there’s also something

also be true but there’s also something

also be true but there’s also something very enjoyable about coming together

very enjoyable about coming together

very enjoyable about coming together about building a community and about

about building a community and about

about building a community and about having a sense of shared purpose and I

having a sense of shared purpose and I

having a sense of shared purpose and I suspect that that sense of shared

suspect that that sense of shared

suspect that that sense of shared purpose may be essential when we have a

purpose may be essential when we have a

purpose may be essential when we have a sense of shared difficulty we need to

sense of shared difficulty we need to

sense of shared difficulty we need to bring more trust and openness into our

bring more trust and openness into our

bring more trust and openness into our communication because there is no doubt

communication because there is no doubt

communication because there is no doubt that the challenges we’re facing whether

that the challenges we’re facing whether

that the challenges we’re facing whether they’re individual or collective are

they’re individual or collective are

they’re individual or collective are significant but if we can bring a bit

significant but if we can bring a bit

significant but if we can bring a bit more trust into our communication and we

more trust into our communication and we

more trust into our communication and we can allow ourselves to be seen for who

can allow ourselves to be seen for who

can allow ourselves to be seen for who we actually are rather than the person

we actually are rather than the person

we actually are rather than the person we think we should be we may be able to

we think we should be we may be able to

we think we should be we may be able to find a bit more ground beneath our feet

find a bit more ground beneath our feet

find a bit more ground beneath our feet so that we can step forwards and make

so that we can step forwards and make

so that we can step forwards and make our contribution