when was the first time you consider your gender can you remember the day
your gender can you remember the day
your gender can you remember the day when you said to yourself I am a man or
when you said to yourself I am a man or
when you said to yourself I am a man or I am a woman for most people this is a
I am a woman for most people this is a
I am a woman for most people this is a question that’s never truly explored
typically you find yourself floating
typically you find yourself floating inside of a human womb with either a
inside of a human womb with either a
inside of a human womb with either a penis or a vagina developing between
penis or a vagina developing between
penis or a vagina developing between your primitive legs if you’re lucky you
your primitive legs if you’re lucky you
your primitive legs if you’re lucky you make it outside you breathe for the
make it outside you breathe for the
make it outside you breathe for the first time you feel the cold Hospital
first time you feel the cold Hospital
first time you feel the cold Hospital air on your skin immediately you are
air on your skin immediately you are
air on your skin immediately you are placed inside of a metaphorical box
placed inside of a metaphorical box
placed inside of a metaphorical box labeled male or female a doctor looks at
labeled male or female a doctor looks at
labeled male or female a doctor looks at your genitals and determines whether you
your genitals and determines whether you
your genitals and determines whether you will be masculine or feminine this is
will be masculine or feminine this is
will be masculine or feminine this is something that never sat well with me
something that never sat well with me
something that never sat well with me why does the body that I was born with
why does the body that I was born with
why does the body that I was born with determine my gender and how come I never
determine my gender and how come I never
determine my gender and how come I never had a say in it
had a say in it
had a say in it it didn’t take me long to start
it didn’t take me long to start
it didn’t take me long to start exploring different types of gender
exploring different types of gender
exploring different types of gender expression and identity this is me on a
expression and identity this is me on a
expression and identity this is me on a sunny afternoon in Carlsbad California I
sunny afternoon in Carlsbad California I
sunny afternoon in Carlsbad California I remember wearing those heels and
remember wearing those heels and
remember wearing those heels and thinking about how fun it was to be a
thinking about how fun it was to be a
thinking about how fun it was to be a little bit taller and they also made my
little bit taller and they also made my
little bit taller and they also made my little calves look amazing
the white leather material is so soft I
the white leather material is so soft I was Madonna I was Cindy Lauper
femininity was too strong to keep inside
femininity was too strong to keep inside and I wanted to express it every day I
remember looking at myself in the mirror
remember looking at myself in the mirror as I press my purple lips together
as I press my purple lips together
as I press my purple lips together I remember thinking about how pretty the
I remember thinking about how pretty the
I remember thinking about how pretty the little girl was looking back at me
little girl was looking back at me
little girl was looking back at me gender is something that affects our
gender is something that affects our
gender is something that affects our lives every day stepping outside of the
lives every day stepping outside of the
lives every day stepping outside of the house involves choosing clothes and how
house involves choosing clothes and how
house involves choosing clothes and how you will express your gender a
you will express your gender a
you will express your gender a performance begins as soon as you wake
performance begins as soon as you wake
performance begins as soon as you wake up you go into your closet and you pull
up you go into your closet and you pull
up you go into your closet and you pull out clothes you decide how you’re gonna
out clothes you decide how you’re gonna
out clothes you decide how you’re gonna present your gender you go into the
present your gender you go into the
present your gender you go into the bathroom you arrange the hair on your
bathroom you arrange the hair on your
bathroom you arrange the hair on your head you arrange your face in your whole
head you arrange your face in your whole
head you arrange your face in your whole body think about what you’re wearing
body think about what you’re wearing
body think about what you’re wearing right now think about how long it took
right now think about how long it took
right now think about how long it took you to find all the gendered clothing
you to find all the gendered clothing
you to find all the gendered clothing that you’re wearing and all the hair
that you’re wearing and all the hair
that you’re wearing and all the hair products and the smells the way you walk
products and the smells the way you walk
products and the smells the way you walk and the way you talk and the way you
and the way you talk and the way you
and the way you talk and the way you think gender affects our lives more did
think gender affects our lives more did
think gender affects our lives more did we even realize it
we even realize it
we even realize it I remember watching my mother through
I remember watching my mother through
I remember watching my mother through her crack door as she curled her
her crack door as she curled her
her crack door as she curled her eyelashes she must have saw my
eyelashes she must have saw my
eyelashes she must have saw my reflection in the mirror because she
reflection in the mirror because she
reflection in the mirror because she playfully chased me with the curlers
playfully chased me with the curlers
playfully chased me with the curlers pretending they had teeth she was a fan
pretending they had teeth she was a fan
pretending they had teeth she was a fan of prints and was intrigued by the idea
of prints and was intrigued by the idea
of prints and was intrigued by the idea of a man being feminine she was open to
of a man being feminine she was open to
of a man being feminine she was open to the idea of me expressing my femininity
the idea of me expressing my femininity
the idea of me expressing my femininity and my gender identity my father was not
and my gender identity my father was not
and my gender identity my father was not being an active duty in the Marines left
being an active duty in the Marines left
being an active duty in the Marines left little room for femininity and gender
little room for femininity and gender
little room for femininity and gender expression I remember him coming home
expression I remember him coming home
expression I remember him coming home angry
angry
angry the learning that I had been wearing
the learning that I had been wearing
the learning that I had been wearing makeup with my mother or running around
makeup with my mother or running around
makeup with my mother or running around and high-heeled shoes he would pull me
and high-heeled shoes he would pull me
and high-heeled shoes he would pull me aside after noticing that I was watching
aside after noticing that I was watching
aside after noticing that I was watching punky brewster and asked why are you
punky brewster and asked why are you
punky brewster and asked why are you watching her show that’s for girls this
watching her show that’s for girls this
watching her show that’s for girls this led to a push for masculine behavior and
led to a push for masculine behavior and
led to a push for masculine behavior and masculine toys and games my makeup was
masculine toys and games my makeup was
masculine toys and games my makeup was replaced with a little toy gun and my
replaced with a little toy gun and my
replaced with a little toy gun and my high heels were replaced with combat
high heels were replaced with combat
high heels were replaced with combat boots punky brewster was replaced with
boots punky brewster was replaced with
boots punky brewster was replaced with he-man in the eighteen and the
he-man in the eighteen and the
he-man in the eighteen and the Thundercats but I didn’t mind being like
Thundercats but I didn’t mind being like
Thundercats but I didn’t mind being like that he was a badass with a cool haircut
that he was a badass with a cool haircut
that he was a badass with a cool haircut and a little masculinity never hurt
and a little masculinity never hurt
and a little masculinity never hurt anyone still I found myself wanting to
anyone still I found myself wanting to
anyone still I found myself wanting to be more feminine I remember being in a
be more feminine I remember being in a
be more feminine I remember being in a bathroom with the door locked
skipping showers this was the only
skipping showers this was the only privacy I had to try an eyeshadow or the
privacy I had to try an eyeshadow or the
privacy I had to try an eyeshadow or the new dress that my cousin had bought I
new dress that my cousin had bought I
new dress that my cousin had bought I was 12 years old when I first shaved my
was 12 years old when I first shaved my
was 12 years old when I first shaved my legs I was hiding under my bed under my
legs I was hiding under my bed under my
legs I was hiding under my bed under my sheets on my bed and I had the head of
sheets on my bed and I had the head of
sheets on my bed and I had the head of an old disposable razor my legs itch for
an old disposable razor my legs itch for
an old disposable razor my legs itch for a week but I cherished the tiny sliver
a week but I cherished the tiny sliver
a week but I cherished the tiny sliver of femininity under my bed was a yellow
of femininity under my bed was a yellow
of femininity under my bed was a yellow summer dress that belonged to my sister
summer dress that belonged to my sister
summer dress that belonged to my sister I had developed a sleep pattern that
I had developed a sleep pattern that
I had developed a sleep pattern that allowed me to wake up before everyone
allowed me to wake up before everyone
allowed me to wake up before everyone else so I can take the dress off and
else so I can take the dress off and
else so I can take the dress off and have breakfast my femininity was a
have breakfast my femininity was a
have breakfast my femininity was a secret that I could never share the
secret that I could never share the
secret that I could never share the secret exploration continued into my
secret exploration continued into my
secret exploration continued into my adult life in the form of dressing up
adult life in the form of dressing up
adult life in the form of dressing up when no one was home or wearing makeup
when no one was home or wearing makeup
when no one was home or wearing makeup when
when
when everyone was asleep being romantically
everyone was asleep being romantically
everyone was asleep being romantically involved with someone meant they had
involved with someone meant they had
involved with someone meant they had clothes that I wanted to borrow the
rules that most people follow concerning
rules that most people follow concerning gender were nearly impossible for me to
gender were nearly impossible for me to
gender were nearly impossible for me to obey in my mind breaking these rules
obey in my mind breaking these rules
obey in my mind breaking these rules meant being hurt physically or
meant being hurt physically or
meant being hurt physically or emotionally or even worse being
emotionally or even worse being
emotionally or even worse being unlovable if living the life were being
unlovable if living the life were being
unlovable if living the life were being myself was wrong then I was wrong and if
myself was wrong then I was wrong and if
myself was wrong then I was wrong and if I was wrong I didn’t want to be around
I was wrong I didn’t want to be around
I was wrong I didn’t want to be around anymore it became clear to me that my
anymore it became clear to me that my
anymore it became clear to me that my survival depended on me expressing
survival depended on me expressing
survival depended on me expressing myself fully not just the Parsis Society
myself fully not just the Parsis Society
myself fully not just the Parsis Society thought were okay but what does it mean
thought were okay but what does it mean
thought were okay but what does it mean to be masculine or feminine in the
to be masculine or feminine in the
to be masculine or feminine in the 1800’s men were things that today would
1800’s men were things that today would
1800’s men were things that today would be considered processing the first
be considered processing the first
be considered processing the first high-heeled shoes were worn by Persian
high-heeled shoes were worn by Persian
high-heeled shoes were worn by Persian male horseback riders in Afghanistan
male horseback riders in Afghanistan
male horseback riders in Afghanistan young girls are forced to wear masculine
young girls are forced to wear masculine
young girls are forced to wear masculine clothes when there aren’t enough girls
clothes when there aren’t enough girls
clothes when there aren’t enough girls in the family or enough boys in the
in the family or enough boys in the
in the family or enough boys in the family so they can accompany their
family so they can accompany their
family so they can accompany their sisters down the street someone who was
sisters down the street someone who was
sisters down the street someone who was born with a penis and wears red lipstick
born with a penis and wears red lipstick
born with a penis and wears red lipstick shouldn’t be afraid to ride the bus
shouldn’t be afraid to ride the bus
shouldn’t be afraid to ride the bus expressing your gender shouldn’t come at
expressing your gender shouldn’t come at
expressing your gender shouldn’t come at the price of physical or emotional abuse
the price of physical or emotional abuse
the price of physical or emotional abuse what if women could go into work and
what if women could go into work and
what if women could go into work and wouldn’t have to worry about their
wouldn’t have to worry about their
wouldn’t have to worry about their makeup
what if men could express their emotions
what if men could express their emotions and not constantly be told to man up the
and not constantly be told to man up the
and not constantly be told to man up the world would be a much more inviting
world would be a much more inviting
world would be a much more inviting place to live especially for people like
place to live especially for people like
place to live especially for people like me who lives so contrary to what society
me who lives so contrary to what society
me who lives so contrary to what society the man
someone born with a vagina doesn’t have
someone born with a vagina doesn’t have to shave their legs and someone born
to shave their legs and someone born
to shave their legs and someone born with a penis should feel free to shave
with a penis should feel free to shave
with a penis should feel free to shave their legs the only person that gets to
their legs the only person that gets to
their legs the only person that gets to decide your gender expression is you
when I was wearing those high-heeled
when I was wearing those high-heeled shoes all I wanted was to feel loved and
shoes all I wanted was to feel loved and
shoes all I wanted was to feel loved and to feel safe
to feel safe
to feel safe I needed a world we’re being born with a
I needed a world we’re being born with a
I needed a world we’re being born with a penis and being feminine wasn’t so
penis and being feminine wasn’t so
penis and being feminine wasn’t so dangerous
all I needed when I was hiding under
all I needed when I was hiding under those sheets was to leave those sheets
those sheets was to leave those sheets
those sheets was to leave those sheets and to tell my father I’m a girl for one
and to tell my father I’m a girl for one
and to tell my father I’m a girl for one moment consider who you would be without
moment consider who you would be without
moment consider who you would be without your gender think about the oppressive
your gender think about the oppressive
your gender think about the oppressive nature of the gender binary and how you
nature of the gender binary and how you
nature of the gender binary and how you walk and talk and speak and how you
walk and talk and speak and how you
walk and talk and speak and how you communicate with each other if it wasn’t
communicate with each other if it wasn’t
communicate with each other if it wasn’t for everything you were taught about
for everything you were taught about
for everything you were taught about gender who would you be right now maybe
gender who would you be right now maybe
gender who would you be right now maybe that person has been inside of you all
that person has been inside of you all
that person has been inside of you all this time thank you
this time thank you
this time thank you [Applause]
”
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