Language and the fear of failure | Britt Pols | TEDxDordrecht

all good things must come to an end you

all good things must come to an end you can’t always get what you want don’t get

can’t always get what you want don’t get

can’t always get what you want don’t get your hopes up and get real don’t count

your hopes up and get real don’t count

your hopes up and get real don’t count your chickens before they hatch and

your chickens before they hatch and

your chickens before they hatch and don’t put all your eggs in one basket

don’t put all your eggs in one basket

don’t put all your eggs in one basket these are just a few sayings we’ve heard

these are just a few sayings we’ve heard

these are just a few sayings we’ve heard over and over and over again ever since

over and over and over again ever since

over and over and over again ever since we were little but I’m wondering just

we were little but I’m wondering just

we were little but I’m wondering just because it’s repeated by the millions of

because it’s repeated by the millions of

because it’s repeated by the millions of people does that make them necessarily

people does that make them necessarily

people does that make them necessarily true I think ever since we’re a little

true I think ever since we’re a little

true I think ever since we’re a little it is ingrained in us to be normal we

it is ingrained in us to be normal we

it is ingrained in us to be normal we don’t want to stand out and in Dutch we

don’t want to stand out and in Dutch we

don’t want to stand out and in Dutch we have a saying about that dumar normal

have a saying about that dumar normal

have a saying about that dumar normal don’t we all head cannula and it means

don’t we all head cannula and it means

don’t we all head cannula and it means something like act normal that’s crazy

something like act normal that’s crazy

something like act normal that’s crazy enough and ever since we were little

enough and ever since we were little

enough and ever since we were little we’re trying to dress the same to listen

we’re trying to dress the same to listen

we’re trying to dress the same to listen to the same music because we’re scared

to the same music because we’re scared

to the same music because we’re scared of standing out because we don’t want to

of standing out because we don’t want to

of standing out because we don’t want to be weird because you might get bullied

be weird because you might get bullied

be weird because you might get bullied when you’re weird in an Australia you

when you’re weird in an Australia you

when you’re weird in an Australia you call that the tall poppy syndrome and in

call that the tall poppy syndrome and in

call that the tall poppy syndrome and in touch we have a few of our own sayings

touch we have a few of our own sayings

touch we have a few of our own sayings using cope up with my felt I staked

using cope up with my felt I staked

using cope up with my felt I staked fortune Cooper of hogs who sticks their

fortune Cooper of hogs who sticks their

fortune Cooper of hogs who sticks their head out of the grass gets her head

head out of the grass gets her head

head out of the grass gets her head chopped off or hobo move on the field

chopped off or hobo move on the field

chopped off or hobo move on the field vient higher tree sketch more wind

but just because we keep on repeating

but just because we keep on repeating that we have to be normal does that make

that we have to be normal does that make

that we have to be normal does that make it valid I think it doesn’t really make

it valid I think it doesn’t really make

it valid I think it doesn’t really make any sense anymore not to stick out I can

any sense anymore not to stick out I can

any sense anymore not to stick out I can imagine old reasons for example when we

imagine old reasons for example when we

imagine old reasons for example when we were living in tribes and there was one

were living in tribes and there was one

were living in tribes and there was one of the guys he was like a real lone wolf

of the guys he was like a real lone wolf

of the guys he was like a real lone wolf always wandering off by himself

always wandering off by himself

always wandering off by himself endangering the rest of the tribe yeah

endangering the rest of the tribe yeah

endangering the rest of the tribe yeah maybe please don’t stand out but right

maybe please don’t stand out but right

maybe please don’t stand out but right now in our contemporary society it

now in our contemporary society it

now in our contemporary society it really doesn’t make sense and isn’t it

really doesn’t make sense and isn’t it

really doesn’t make sense and isn’t it funny that when we were 4 years old and

funny that when we were 4 years old and

funny that when we were 4 years old and you say I want to be a singer when I

you say I want to be a singer when I

you say I want to be a singer when I grow up the people will tell you oh

grow up the people will tell you oh

grow up the people will tell you oh that’s good for you you can be anything

that’s good for you you can be anything

that’s good for you you can be anything you want to be when you grow up but then

you want to be when you grow up but then

you want to be when you grow up but then when you’re 15 or 16 and you say I want

when you’re 15 or 16 and you say I want

when you’re 15 or 16 and you say I want to be a singer when I grow up then

to be a singer when I grow up then

to be a singer when I grow up then people are like you’re probably really

people are like you’re probably really

people are like you’re probably really talented but it’s really hard and you’ll

talented but it’s really hard and you’ll

talented but it’s really hard and you’ll just be one of many trying don’t put all

just be one of many trying don’t put all

just be one of many trying don’t put all your eggs in one basket and I’m sure

your eggs in one basket and I’m sure

your eggs in one basket and I’m sure parents are acting out of love and they

parents are acting out of love and they

parents are acting out of love and they think it’s best for their children when

think it’s best for their children when

think it’s best for their children when they’re preparing them for life

they’re preparing them for life

they’re preparing them for life struggles by being practical which is

struggles by being practical which is

struggles by being practical which is the alternative of following your dreams

the alternative of following your dreams

the alternative of following your dreams but why did we get so obsessed with not

but why did we get so obsessed with not

but why did we get so obsessed with not failing and why is so much of language

failing and why is so much of language

failing and why is so much of language and exercising caution my name is Britt

and exercising caution my name is Britt

and exercising caution my name is Britt balls and I’m a singer and a songwriter

balls and I’m a singer and a songwriter

balls and I’m a singer and a songwriter and I’ve always known I wanted to be a

and I’ve always known I wanted to be a

and I’ve always known I wanted to be a singer ever since I was four years old

singer ever since I was four years old

singer ever since I was four years old but life happened and I got really

but life happened and I got really

but life happened and I got really scared I’m full of doubts and fears and

scared I’m full of doubts and fears and

scared I’m full of doubts and fears and I’m scared of a lot of things I’m scared

I’m scared of a lot of things I’m scared

I’m scared of a lot of things I’m scared that I’m not good enough to be a singer

that I’m not good enough to be a singer

that I’m not good enough to be a singer I’m scared to be a financial failure and

I’m scared to be a financial failure and

I’m scared to be a financial failure and I’m really scared of other people’s

I’m really scared of other people’s

I’m really scared of other people’s opinions and before I put all my eggs in

opinions and before I put all my eggs in

opinions and before I put all my eggs in one basket I had a really nice job

one basket I had a really nice job

one basket I had a really nice job actually I was working in sustainability

actually I was working in sustainability

actually I was working in sustainability and I love doing that because i felt

and I love doing that because i felt

and I love doing that because i felt like it was making the world a nicer

like it was making the world a nicer

like it was making the world a nicer place but still one morning I woke up

place but still one morning I woke up

place but still one morning I woke up and I felt really burned out and that’s

and I felt really burned out and that’s

and I felt really burned out and that’s the point where I said okay I’m going to

the point where I said okay I’m going to

the point where I said okay I’m going to stop lying to myself

stop lying to myself

stop lying to myself and I realized that I was ignoring this

and I realized that I was ignoring this

and I realized that I was ignoring this feeling inside that I felt for a really

feeling inside that I felt for a really

feeling inside that I felt for a really long time the feeling of not living up

long time the feeling of not living up

long time the feeling of not living up to your full expectations and I felt

to your full expectations and I felt

to your full expectations and I felt really shit about that and i told myself

really shit about that and i told myself

really shit about that and i told myself okay this feeling cannot be reversed you

okay this feeling cannot be reversed you

okay this feeling cannot be reversed you have to change something now or it will

have to change something now or it will

have to change something now or it will keep on being like this so i make a

keep on being like this so i make a

keep on being like this so i make a decision to pursue my singing career and

decision to pursue my singing career and

decision to pursue my singing career and so I am I knew that in a very

so I am I knew that in a very

so I am I knew that in a very unconventional way and I’m just saying

unconventional way and I’m just saying

unconventional way and I’m just saying that it’s unconventional because i

that it’s unconventional because i

that it’s unconventional because i didn’t get famous through 10 and show on

didn’t get famous through 10 and show on

didn’t get famous through 10 and show on television instead i recorded an album

television instead i recorded an album

television instead i recorded an album and then it took a while and then I

and then it took a while and then I

and then it took a while and then I eventually found the courage to self

eventually found the courage to self

eventually found the courage to self publish it however slim the chances of

publish it however slim the chances of

publish it however slim the chances of success work and people have always

success work and people have always

success work and people have always called me blindly optimistic and that’s

called me blindly optimistic and that’s

called me blindly optimistic and that’s fine because I realize you can’t always

fine because I realize you can’t always

fine because I realize you can’t always foresee the future or actually can never

foresee the future or actually can never

foresee the future or actually can never foresee the future so if you can

foresee the future so if you can

foresee the future so if you can envision it yourself why don’t think of

envision it yourself why don’t think of

envision it yourself why don’t think of it as beautiful and so I use Pollyanna

it as beautiful and so I use Pollyanna

it as beautiful and so I use Pollyanna as an artist name to remind myself of my

as an artist name to remind myself of my

as an artist name to remind myself of my true optimistic nature for when the

true optimistic nature for when the

true optimistic nature for when the going gets rough now things have been

going gets rough now things have been

going gets rough now things have been working out for me and I’m really happy

working out for me and I’m really happy

working out for me and I’m really happy about that but that doesn’t mean that I

about that but that doesn’t mean that I

about that but that doesn’t mean that I never scared anymore I am still scared

never scared anymore I am still scared

never scared anymore I am still scared and I’m full of doubts and fears and

and I’m full of doubts and fears and

and I’m full of doubts and fears and sometimes when I’m on stage I still

sometimes when I’m on stage I still

sometimes when I’m on stage I still think I’m not good enough and sometimes

think I’m not good enough and sometimes

think I’m not good enough and sometimes at the end of the month I am in a very

at the end of the month I am in a very

at the end of the month I am in a very uncomfortable financial situation

uncomfortable financial situation

uncomfortable financial situation actually and also sometimes people tell

actually and also sometimes people tell

actually and also sometimes people tell me things that are really don’t want to

me things that are really don’t want to

me things that are really don’t want to hear because people love sharing their

hear because people love sharing their

hear because people love sharing their opinion you know what that’s all fine by

opinion you know what that’s all fine by

opinion you know what that’s all fine by me because I learned two things and the

me because I learned two things and the

me because I learned two things and the first thing is that all these doubts and

first thing is that all these doubts and

first thing is that all these doubts and fears and feeling uncomfortable is never

fears and feeling uncomfortable is never

fears and feeling uncomfortable is never as distressing as that feeling is when

as distressing as that feeling is when

as distressing as that feeling is when you’re not living you’re full of life

you’re not living you’re full of life

you’re not living you’re full of life and the second one is that I actually

and the second one is that I actually

and the second one is that I actually invite fear to come in my life because

invite fear to come in my life because

invite fear to come in my life because when I feel life rushing through me I

when I feel life rushing through me I

when I feel life rushing through me I know that I’m doing new things i’m

know that I’m doing new things i’m

know that I’m doing new things i’m exploring

exploring

exploring I’m going out of my comfort zone and I’m

I’m going out of my comfort zone and I’m

I’m going out of my comfort zone and I’m developing and I know that is where

developing and I know that is where

developing and I know that is where that’s where I want to be that is where

that’s where I want to be that is where

that’s where I want to be that is where I find happiness so I allowed myself to

I find happiness so I allowed myself to

I find happiness so I allowed myself to dream big and sometimes I allow myself

dream big and sometimes I allow myself

dream big and sometimes I allow myself to dream even bigger and I have one pet

to dream even bigger and I have one pet

to dream even bigger and I have one pet hate and my pet hate is when people tell

hate and my pet hate is when people tell

hate and my pet hate is when people tell me to be realistic because I’m

me to be realistic because I’m

me to be realistic because I’m absolutely not realistic if you tell me

absolutely not realistic if you tell me

absolutely not realistic if you tell me to be realistic I really want to give

to be realistic I really want to give

to be realistic I really want to give you a high five in the face with that

you a high five in the face with that

you a high five in the face with that one yet because I’m not because it it

one yet because I’m not because it it

one yet because I’m not because it it doesn’t help me at all to be realistic

doesn’t help me at all to be realistic

doesn’t help me at all to be realistic because everyone is being realistic and

because everyone is being realistic and

because everyone is being realistic and if you’re trying to chase a dream in the

if you’re trying to chase a dream in the

if you’re trying to chase a dream in the pool of realistic dreams there’s so much

pool of realistic dreams there’s so much

pool of realistic dreams there’s so much competition because everyone is already

competition because everyone is already

competition because everyone is already there so why not aim a little higher I

there so why not aim a little higher I

there so why not aim a little higher I think that’s easier but then people call

think that’s easier but then people call

think that’s easier but then people call me naive and naivety has somewhat of a

me naive and naivety has somewhat of a

me naive and naivety has somewhat of a bad rep especially with women because it

bad rep especially with women because it

bad rep especially with women because it indicates that you don’t know what

indicates that you don’t know what

indicates that you don’t know what you’re talking about like you haven’t

you’re talking about like you haven’t

you’re talking about like you haven’t weighed up the consequences or the

weighed up the consequences or the

weighed up the consequences or the possible bad outcomes and in touch we

possible bad outcomes and in touch we

possible bad outcomes and in touch we have another nice saying hi airmar

have another nice saying hi airmar

have another nice saying hi airmar needful mallet like on a doll that may

needful mallet like on a doll that may

needful mallet like on a doll that may follow and I don’t even know how to

follow and I don’t even know how to

follow and I don’t even know how to translate that because it’s so weird

translate that because it’s so weird

translate that because it’s so weird assume the worst so you can only be

assume the worst so you can only be

assume the worst so you can only be relieved by the outcome it’s not really

relieved by the outcome it’s not really

relieved by the outcome it’s not really stupid or is that me I don’t know why

stupid or is that me I don’t know why

stupid or is that me I don’t know why you would say that because if you’re

you would say that because if you’re

you would say that because if you’re assuming the worst how can you ever get

assuming the worst how can you ever get

assuming the worst how can you ever get working on something and how can you

working on something and how can you

working on something and how can you ever try try to reach your goals that’s

ever try try to reach your goals that’s

ever try try to reach your goals that’s impossible if you ask me because if you

impossible if you ask me because if you

impossible if you ask me because if you allow yourself to dream a bit bigger and

allow yourself to dream a bit bigger and

allow yourself to dream a bit bigger and say okay I’m gonna do it and I’m going

say okay I’m gonna do it and I’m going

say okay I’m gonna do it and I’m going to make it then maybe you will take that

to make it then maybe you will take that

to make it then maybe you will take that extra step that you need to make it so I

extra step that you need to make it so I

extra step that you need to make it so I think that’s really strange and okay

think that’s really strange and okay

think that’s really strange and okay maybe not even has somewhat of a bad rep

maybe not even has somewhat of a bad rep

maybe not even has somewhat of a bad rep but I actually like to be naive

but I actually like to be naive

but I actually like to be naive and I think I’m consciously not even I

and I think I’m consciously not even I

and I think I’m consciously not even I think it’s okay to be consciously naive

think it’s okay to be consciously naive

think it’s okay to be consciously naive I’m not saying you should be ignorant to

I’m not saying you should be ignorant to

I’m not saying you should be ignorant to the worlds problems that’s not what I’m

the worlds problems that’s not what I’m

the worlds problems that’s not what I’m saying at all but I think you have a

saying at all but I think you have a

saying at all but I think you have a choice on what’s focus on because you

choice on what’s focus on because you

choice on what’s focus on because you can focus on a diatribe of horrible news

can focus on a diatribe of horrible news

can focus on a diatribe of horrible news coming at you constantly or you make an

coming at you constantly or you make an

coming at you constantly or you make an informed decision to focus on the good

informed decision to focus on the good

informed decision to focus on the good and I truly believe that the good always

and I truly believe that the good always

and I truly believe that the good always outsmarts the bad and also I truly

outsmarts the bad and also I truly

outsmarts the bad and also I truly believe that what you put your focus on

believe that what you put your focus on

believe that what you put your focus on will grow for you in life and the same

will grow for you in life and the same

will grow for you in life and the same goes for your dreams you can focus on

goes for your dreams you can focus on

goes for your dreams you can focus on how horrible things can get for you or

how horrible things can get for you or

how horrible things can get for you or you can make an informed decision that

you can make an informed decision that

you can make an informed decision that despite how unexpected and perturb

despite how unexpected and perturb

despite how unexpected and perturb things can get you have a dream you have

things can get you have a dream you have

things can get you have a dream you have a goal you’re going to see it through to

a goal you’re going to see it through to

a goal you’re going to see it through to the end ignoring all those doubts and

the end ignoring all those doubts and

the end ignoring all those doubts and fears so yeah yet to consciously naive I

fears so yeah yet to consciously naive I

fears so yeah yet to consciously naive I really like that thought and I think

really like that thought and I think

really like that thought and I think it’s okay to say no to pessimism and to

it’s okay to say no to pessimism and to

it’s okay to say no to pessimism and to say no to negativity that’s being handed

say no to negativity that’s being handed

say no to negativity that’s being handed out on street corners to you I think

out on street corners to you I think

out on street corners to you I think that’s okay and while we’re at it do

that’s okay and while we’re at it do

that’s okay and while we’re at it do count your chickens before they hatch

count your chickens before they hatch

count your chickens before they hatch because that’s something I learned as

because that’s something I learned as

because that’s something I learned as well from quick and unexpected success

well from quick and unexpected success

well from quick and unexpected success that is just waiting for you right

that is just waiting for you right

that is just waiting for you right around the corner for you to come and

around the corner for you to come and

around the corner for you to come and pick it up and you better be prepared

pick it up and you better be prepared

pick it up and you better be prepared because when you say hope for the best

because when you say hope for the best

because when you say hope for the best but prepare for the worst that makes

but prepare for the worst that makes

but prepare for the worst that makes sense when you’re talking about a

sense when you’re talking about a

sense when you’re talking about a natural disaster or something but it

natural disaster or something but it

natural disaster or something but it really doesn’t make sense if you’re

really doesn’t make sense if you’re

really doesn’t make sense if you’re talking about getting a goal because

talking about getting a goal because

talking about getting a goal because it’s really easy to prepare for the

it’s really easy to prepare for the

it’s really easy to prepare for the worst it’s just saying okay we’re going

worst it’s just saying okay we’re going

worst it’s just saying okay we’re going to try this and when things go south i’m

to try this and when things go south i’m

to try this and when things go south i’m going to be really sad and that’s okay

going to be really sad and that’s okay

going to be really sad and that’s okay and we’re going to lie in a bath of

and we’re going to lie in a bath of

and we’re going to lie in a bath of self-pity for an hour until my hands

self-pity for an hour until my hands

self-pity for an hour until my hands wrinkle and then I come out and I get

wrinkle and then I come out and I get

wrinkle and then I come out and I get back to work and I’m gonna fix things

back to work and I’m gonna fix things

back to work and I’m gonna fix things but preparing for success is a lot more

but preparing for success is a lot more

but preparing for success is a lot more work because you don’t want to stand on

work because you don’t want to stand on

work because you don’t want to stand on that Nobel prize-winning stage

that Nobel prize-winning stage

that Nobel prize-winning stage not knowing what to say that looks

not knowing what to say that looks

not knowing what to say that looks really silly I think it’s really

really silly I think it’s really

really silly I think it’s really important to be prepared for success so

important to be prepared for success so

important to be prepared for success so I think all good things must come to an

I think all good things must come to an

I think all good things must come to an end and i just want to remind you today

end and i just want to remind you today

end and i just want to remind you today of the words that are passing our lips

of the words that are passing our lips

of the words that are passing our lips each day and seem normal to us maybe

each day and seem normal to us maybe

each day and seem normal to us maybe it’s good to reconsider them and see if

it’s good to reconsider them and see if

it’s good to reconsider them and see if they’re still helping you and maybe they

they’re still helping you and maybe they

they’re still helping you and maybe they are that’s fine and maybe they’re not

are that’s fine and maybe they’re not

are that’s fine and maybe they’re not and we can change things around so yeah

and we can change things around so yeah

and we can change things around so yeah we say all good things must come to an

we say all good things must come to an

we say all good things must come to an end but maybe we say oh good things

end but maybe we say oh good things

end but maybe we say oh good things become somewhere today thank you so much

become somewhere today thank you so much

become somewhere today thank you so much [Applause]