the world is hurting tragedies occur on a weekly basis in the head luncheon
a weekly basis in the head luncheon
a weekly basis in the head luncheon filled with bickering and they amid all
filled with bickering and they amid all
filled with bickering and they amid all this we as the people need more unity
this we as the people need more unity
this we as the people need more unity than ever but sadly we’re more divided
than ever but sadly we’re more divided
than ever but sadly we’re more divided than ever
than ever
than ever everything from politics economics of
everything from politics economics of
everything from politics economics of sociology
sociology
sociology well there’s pronounce gif or Jif it’s
well there’s pronounce gif or Jif it’s
well there’s pronounce gif or Jif it’s fervently debated across internet
fervently debated across internet
fervently debated across internet message boards comment sections and
message boards comment sections and
message boards comment sections and face-to-face interactions some of these
face-to-face interactions some of these
face-to-face interactions some of these interactions are innocent
interactions are innocent
interactions are innocent peaceful and informative they are not
peaceful and informative they are not
peaceful and informative they are not the norm though the clear majority of
the norm though the clear majority of
the norm though the clear majority of these are less debates and they’re
these are less debates and they’re
these are less debates and they’re simply hot-headed arguments have you
simply hot-headed arguments have you
simply hot-headed arguments have you ever been in one how did it make you
ever been in one how did it make you
ever been in one how did it make you feel because according to a study done
feel because according to a study done
feel because according to a study done on New Statesman calm most commonly
on New Statesman calm most commonly
on New Statesman calm most commonly experienced emotional reaction to one of
experienced emotional reaction to one of
experienced emotional reaction to one of these online arguments its frustration
these online arguments its frustration
these online arguments its frustration accomplishing 27.5% of people the
accomplishing 27.5% of people the
accomplishing 27.5% of people the second-most anger at 13.5%
second-most anger at 13.5%
second-most anger at 13.5% that means anger and frustration account
that means anger and frustration account
that means anger and frustration account for over 40% of all emotions felt during
for over 40% of all emotions felt during
for over 40% of all emotions felt during one of these online debates some of the
one of these online debates some of the
one of these online debates some of the tough emotions are stress sadness and
tough emotions are stress sadness and
tough emotions are stress sadness and fatigue which collectively account for
fatigue which collectively account for
fatigue which collectively account for more than another 25% when some imposed
more than another 25% when some imposed
more than another 25% when some imposed his or her opinion on social media or
his or her opinion on social media or
his or her opinion on social media or even mentioned it too loud in a public
even mentioned it too loud in a public
even mentioned it too loud in a public place it is almost always challenged by
place it is almost always challenged by
place it is almost always challenged by an opposing viewpoint this is a good
an opposing viewpoint this is a good
an opposing viewpoint this is a good thing the exchange of ideas and
thing the exchange of ideas and
thing the exchange of ideas and perspectives allow for an overall wider
perspectives allow for an overall wider
perspectives allow for an overall wider view of the issue and lead to a more
view of the issue and lead to a more
view of the issue and lead to a more effective solution the problem occurs
effective solution the problem occurs
effective solution the problem occurs when anyone becomes frustrated or angry
when anyone becomes frustrated or angry
when anyone becomes frustrated or angry in the course of the discussion
in the course of the discussion
in the course of the discussion I’ve constantly witnessed that one party
I’ve constantly witnessed that one party
I’ve constantly witnessed that one party will begin by insulting the other I
will begin by insulting the other I
will begin by insulting the other I usually take a jab some physical
usually take a jab some physical
usually take a jab some physical characteristic or personal
characteristic or personal
characteristic or personal characteristic maybe logic intelligence
characteristic maybe logic intelligence
characteristic maybe logic intelligence background or ideology sometimes is some
background or ideology sometimes is some
background or ideology sometimes is some characteristic that has no no relevance
characteristic that has no no relevance
characteristic that has no no relevance to the argument at all
to the argument at all
to the argument at all whatever the case as soon as the step is
whatever the case as soon as the step is
whatever the case as soon as the step is made the arguments lost from both
made the arguments lost from both
made the arguments lost from both parties I know this firsthand because
parties I know this firsthand because
parties I know this firsthand because I’m guilty of this lost control I’ve
I’m guilty of this lost control I’ve
I’m guilty of this lost control I’ve done it I once got into an argument with
done it I once got into an argument with
done it I once got into an argument with a good friend of mine over a topic of
a good friend of mine over a topic of
a good friend of mine over a topic of basically no importance at all but it
basically no importance at all but it
basically no importance at all but it escalated and it escalated until it got
escalated and it escalated until it got
escalated and it escalated until it got to the point we had to agree we’d never
to the point we had to agree we’d never
to the point we had to agree we’d never bring up the topic ever again and it
bring up the topic ever again and it
bring up the topic ever again and it didn’t start to get out of hand until
didn’t start to get out of hand until
didn’t start to get out of hand until out of frustration I had so took my
out of frustration I had so took my
out of frustration I had so took my friends logic and I’ve seen it done
friends logic and I’ve seen it done
friends logic and I’ve seen it done countless times on social media I’ve
countless times on social media I’ve
countless times on social media I’ve seen a small argument blow up and boil
seen a small argument blow up and boil
seen a small argument blow up and boil over the moment one party cause the
over the moment one party cause the
over the moment one party cause the other derogatory name and I’ve had it
other derogatory name and I’ve had it
other derogatory name and I’ve had it done to me I have seen people ask
done to me I have seen people ask
done to me I have seen people ask further perspectives on an issue he at
further perspectives on an issue he at
further perspectives on an issue he at the moment I jump in with mine they
the moment I jump in with mine they
the moment I jump in with mine they immediately jump on how it is stupid
immediately jump on how it is stupid
immediately jump on how it is stupid irrelevant and insignificant compared to
irrelevant and insignificant compared to
irrelevant and insignificant compared to their own through all my experiences I
their own through all my experiences I
their own through all my experiences I realized something amazing as it turns
realized something amazing as it turns
realized something amazing as it turns out no one really wants to agree with
out no one really wants to agree with
out no one really wants to agree with the person that’s calling them an idiot
the person that’s calling them an idiot
the person that’s calling them an idiot just the same as no one wants agree with
just the same as no one wants agree with
just the same as no one wants agree with anybody who loses control of themselves
anybody who loses control of themselves
anybody who loses control of themselves neither perspective will be explored
neither perspective will be explored
neither perspective will be explored instead of more open conversation and
instead of more open conversation and
instead of more open conversation and deeper understanding there will be
deeper understanding there will be
deeper understanding there will be neither exploration nor discussion of
neither exploration nor discussion of
neither exploration nor discussion of the topic at all just as it became with
the topic at all just as it became with
the topic at all just as it became with me and my friend
me and my friend
me and my friend and the more anger and frustration that
and the more anger and frustration that
and the more anger and frustration that builds up in the hearts of those who
builds up in the hearts of those who
builds up in the hearts of those who participate more hate that will also
participate more hate that will also
participate more hate that will also build up and the more the divide between
build up and the more the divide between
build up and the more the divide between us will only grow there’s hope though
us will only grow there’s hope though
us will only grow there’s hope though there are ways to voice your opinions
there are ways to voice your opinions
there are ways to voice your opinions and showcase your perspective without
and showcase your perspective without
and showcase your perspective without causing further division and that can be
causing further division and that can be
causing further division and that can be summed up four easy steps step one is
summed up four easy steps step one is
summed up four easy steps step one is before you engage in the argument at all
before you engage in the argument at all
before you engage in the argument at all you must realize your own intentions ask
you must realize your own intentions ask
you must realize your own intentions ask yourself why am I getting into this if
yourself why am I getting into this if
yourself why am I getting into this if your answer is that you may mock and
your answer is that you may mock and
your answer is that you may mock and revile of course the you may tear into a
revile of course the you may tear into a
revile of course the you may tear into a belief without providing an alternative
belief without providing an alternative
belief without providing an alternative and it’s probably best to remove
and it’s probably best to remove
and it’s probably best to remove yourself from situation to engage of
yourself from situation to engage of
yourself from situation to engage of these motives will only cause conflict
these motives will only cause conflict
these motives will only cause conflict without resolution and that will only
without resolution and that will only
without resolution and that will only increase the problems we face in both
increase the problems we face in both
increase the problems we face in both the discussion and and when looking at
the discussion and and when looking at
the discussion and and when looking at the bigger picture and society as a
the bigger picture and society as a
the bigger picture and society as a whole
whole
whole know these moments of disagreement they
know these moments of disagreement they
know these moments of disagreement they should be uses opportunities they should
should be uses opportunities they should
should be uses opportunities they should be used to give your ideas to give your
be used to give your ideas to give your
be used to give your ideas to give your perspective on how to solve the problems
perspective on how to solve the problems
perspective on how to solve the problems that plague us and society no matter how
that plague us and society no matter how
that plague us and society no matter how big or how small the problems are the
big or how small the problems are the
big or how small the problems are the motive should always be from mutual gain
motive should always be from mutual gain
motive should always be from mutual gain in the second step
in the second step
in the second step this is easy as not antagonizing the
this is easy as not antagonizing the
this is easy as not antagonizing the other party as soon as the argument
other party as soon as the argument
other party as soon as the argument begins it is better to leave an argument
begins it is better to leave an argument
begins it is better to leave an argument unfinished than it is to insult the
unfinished than it is to insult the
unfinished than it is to insult the other party because as soon as you take
other party because as soon as you take
other party because as soon as you take that step as soon as you give in to your
that step as soon as you give in to your
that step as soon as you give in to your anger and your frustration you push them
anger and your frustration you push them
anger and your frustration you push them away from your point of view you set
away from your point of view you set
away from your point of view you set yourself up as their antagonist their
yourself up as their antagonist their
yourself up as their antagonist their bad guy and they become less receptive
bad guy and they become less receptive
bad guy and they become less receptive to your viewpoint in the future the next
to your viewpoint in the future the next
to your viewpoint in the future the next time someone who agrees with you on the
time someone who agrees with you on the
time someone who agrees with you on the subject tries to bring up the topic
subject tries to bring up the topic
subject tries to bring up the topic they’ll only be able to remember what
they’ll only be able to remember what
they’ll only be able to remember what happened last time they’ll only be able
happened last time they’ll only be able
happened last time they’ll only be able to remember the hate that was spread I
to remember the hate that was spread I
to remember the hate that was spread I mean think about it whoops the last
mean think about it whoops the last
mean think about it whoops the last argument you were in that got truly out
argument you were in that got truly out
argument you were in that got truly out of control what was it about who is it
of control what was it about who is it
of control what was it about who is it with what are your feelings on the topic
with what are your feelings on the topic
with what are your feelings on the topic I thinking about these things ask
I thinking about these things ask
I thinking about these things ask yourself how willing are you to
yourself how willing are you to
yourself how willing are you to re-engage in that argument now the third
re-engage in that argument now the third
re-engage in that argument now the third step
step
step that’s comes with realizing that pure
that’s comes with realizing that pure
that’s comes with realizing that pure fact arguments they just don’t do it you
fact arguments they just don’t do it you
fact arguments they just don’t do it you see when you use facts and only facts in
see when you use facts and only facts in
see when you use facts and only facts in an argument that is true what is known
an argument that is true what is known
an argument that is true what is known as the backfire effect now when a party
as the backfire effect now when a party
as the backfire effect now when a party is confronted with a viewpoint and a
is confronted with a viewpoint and a
is confronted with a viewpoint and a fact for an opposing party they will
fact for an opposing party they will
fact for an opposing party they will naturally counter argue that with the
naturally counter argue that with the
naturally counter argue that with the fact of their own the backfire effect
fact of their own the backfire effect
fact of their own the backfire effect states that the more the defending party
states that the more the defending party
states that the more the defending party counter argued for their point the more
counter argued for their point the more
counter argued for their point the more submitted and their original point they
submitted and their original point they
submitted and their original point they become and argues for the jealousy of
become and argues for the jealousy of
become and argues for the jealousy of those facts doesn’t work either see
those facts doesn’t work either see
those facts doesn’t work either see Stanford University did two studies in
Stanford University did two studies in
Stanford University did two studies in the 1970s according to New Yorker calm
the 1970s according to New Yorker calm
the 1970s according to New Yorker calm the studies were about facts and how
the studies were about facts and how
the studies were about facts and how they change a person’s impression of
they change a person’s impression of
they change a person’s impression of things in the studies that participants
things in the studies that participants
things in the studies that participants were divided into two groups and those
were divided into two groups and those
were divided into two groups and those two groups told about a pair of
two groups told about a pair of
two groups told about a pair of firefighters one a group was told that
firefighters one a group was told that
firefighters one a group was told that the more safety conscious firefighter
the more safety conscious firefighter
the more safety conscious firefighter had the more successful career well the
had the more successful career well the
had the more successful career well the other group was given opposing
other group was given opposing
other group was given opposing information at the end of the study both
information at the end of the study both
information at the end of the study both groups were told that all the
groups were told that all the
groups were told that all the information they had been given was
information they had been given was
information they had been given was completely false yet when asked about
completely false yet when asked about
completely false yet when asked about what their opinion was on whether safety
what their opinion was on whether safety
what their opinion was on whether safety rules cause for more effective
rules cause for more effective
rules cause for more effective firefighters they stuck with the opinion
firefighters they stuck with the opinion
firefighters they stuck with the opinion that was supported by the information
that was supported by the information
that was supported by the information that they knew to be false so looking at
that they knew to be false so looking at
that they knew to be false so looking at that when you use facts and only facts
that when you use facts and only facts
that when you use facts and only facts it not only fails to weaken the opposing
it not only fails to weaken the opposing
it not only fails to weaken the opposing argument but to the backfire effect
argument but to the backfire effect
argument but to the backfire effect actually tends to strengthen it the
actually tends to strengthen it the
actually tends to strengthen it the fourth set the final step is perfectly
fourth set the final step is perfectly
fourth set the final step is perfectly summed up and a quote from Scientific
summed up and a quote from Scientific
summed up and a quote from Scientific American calm communication the scholars
American calm communication the scholars
American calm communication the scholars say it’s really about taking someone
say it’s really about taking someone
say it’s really about taking someone else’s perspective
else’s perspective
else’s perspective understanding it and responding
understanding it and responding
understanding it and responding that is so perfect of a quote because it
that is so perfect of a quote because it
that is so perfect of a quote because it exemplifies two key ideas the first is
exemplifies two key ideas the first is
exemplifies two key ideas the first is that it’s not about the facts as much as
that it’s not about the facts as much as
that it’s not about the facts as much as it’s about the perspective the
it’s about the perspective the
it’s about the perspective the perspective is what remained perseverant
perspective is what remained perseverant
perspective is what remained perseverant when the facts would only backfire so if
when the facts would only backfire so if
when the facts would only backfire so if you really want your facts do anything
you really want your facts do anything
you really want your facts do anything they should be used to support that
they should be used to support that
they should be used to support that perspective and to do that you must
perspective and to do that you must
perspective and to do that you must first make that impression you must
first make that impression you must
first make that impression you must first introduce that perspective which
first introduce that perspective which
first introduce that perspective which leads the second idea and that is to
leads the second idea and that is to
leads the second idea and that is to introduce a perspective effectively you
introduce a perspective effectively you
introduce a perspective effectively you must first understand the opposing
must first understand the opposing
must first understand the opposing perspective remember that quote think
perspective remember that quote think
perspective remember that quote think about how it’s phrased and how the words
about how it’s phrased and how the words
about how it’s phrased and how the words are ordered communication that scholars
are ordered communication that scholars
are ordered communication that scholars say is really about taking someone
say is really about taking someone
say is really about taking someone else’s perspective understanding it and
else’s perspective understanding it and
else’s perspective understanding it and responding once you understand the
responding once you understand the
responding once you understand the opposing perspective you can address
opposing perspective you can address
opposing perspective you can address their concerns
their concerns
their concerns you can put your ideas in a way that
you can put your ideas in a way that
you can put your ideas in a way that they can more easily understand and
they can more easily understand and
they can more easily understand and doing so you really need to take a step
doing so you really need to take a step
doing so you really need to take a step back from your own perspective you must
back from your own perspective you must
back from your own perspective you must view things through their lens and once
view things through their lens and once
view things through their lens and once you understand the opposer as a person
you understand the opposer as a person
you understand the opposer as a person you begin to appeal to them as a person
you begin to appeal to them as a person
you begin to appeal to them as a person now what I believe is the best way to
now what I believe is the best way to
now what I believe is the best way to both introduce your own facts while
both introduce your own facts while
both introduce your own facts while still understanding the opposing
still understanding the opposing
still understanding the opposing perspective more it’s just avoid
perspective more it’s just avoid
perspective more it’s just avoid speaking in absolutes we’ve already gone
speaking in absolutes we’ve already gone
speaking in absolutes we’ve already gone over my fear of fact arguments don’t
over my fear of fact arguments don’t
over my fear of fact arguments don’t work in a perfect argument you’re
work in a perfect argument you’re
work in a perfect argument you’re basically saying you are wrong for this
basically saying you are wrong for this
basically saying you are wrong for this reason that just prompts a counterpoint
reason that just prompts a counterpoint
reason that just prompts a counterpoint that just triggers that backfire effect
that just triggers that backfire effect
that just triggers that backfire effect so instead of telling them what is right
so instead of telling them what is right
so instead of telling them what is right and wrong it could be more effective to
and wrong it could be more effective to
and wrong it could be more effective to ask if you freeze your points such as
ask if you freeze your points such as
ask if you freeze your points such as have you considered this fact
have you considered this fact
have you considered this fact did you know about it how does that
did you know about it how does that
did you know about it how does that affect your opinion that will allow you
affect your opinion that will allow you
affect your opinion that will allow you to get more information in the opposing
to get more information in the opposing
to get more information in the opposing perspective while at the same time
perspective while at the same time
perspective while at the same time introducing your own facts it will cause
introducing your own facts it will cause
introducing your own facts it will cause both parties to gain more of a mutual
both parties to gain more of a mutual
both parties to gain more of a mutual understanding with each passing argument
understanding with each passing argument
understanding with each passing argument and it will steer the conversation away
and it will steer the conversation away
and it will steer the conversation away from the insult field bickering that
from the insult field bickering that
from the insult field bickering that only leads to more hate if you follow
only leads to more hate if you follow
only leads to more hate if you follow these four steps you may change
these four steps you may change
these four steps you may change someone’s viewpoint in an argument but
someone’s viewpoint in an argument but
someone’s viewpoint in an argument but even if you don’t you will still bridge
even if you don’t you will still bridge
even if you don’t you will still bridge the divide between yourself and an
the divide between yourself and an
the divide between yourself and an opposing ideology this type of
opposing ideology this type of
opposing ideology this type of communication is needed in the world
communication is needed in the world
communication is needed in the world today instead of ignoring the views of
today instead of ignoring the views of
today instead of ignoring the views of others using facts and only facts
others using facts and only facts
others using facts and only facts without perspective speaking in
without perspective speaking in
without perspective speaking in absolutes and then driving away with
absolutes and then driving away with
absolutes and then driving away with insults we need to communicate
insults we need to communicate
insults we need to communicate understand and share our ideas and
understand and share our ideas and
understand and share our ideas and perspectives it is a way to grow as a
perspectives it is a way to grow as a
perspectives it is a way to grow as a people it is a way to communicate
people it is a way to communicate
people it is a way to communicate without causing further division and
without causing further division and
without causing further division and further hate it is a way for peace is a
further hate it is a way for peace is a
further hate it is a way for peace is a way for Prosperity and is a way for
way for Prosperity and is a way for
way for Prosperity and is a way for progress true and lasting progress thank
progress true and lasting progress thank
progress true and lasting progress thank you
you
you [Applause]
”
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