for over 30 years I have been a part of people’s lives entering into personal
people’s lives entering into personal
people’s lives entering into personal narratives in the most intimate of
narratives in the most intimate of
narratives in the most intimate of settings in the beginning I found myself
settings in the beginning I found myself
settings in the beginning I found myself being pulled in in ways that I didn’t
being pulled in in ways that I didn’t
being pulled in in ways that I didn’t really understand I listened
really understand I listened
really understand I listened asked very few questions and learned to
asked very few questions and learned to
asked very few questions and learned to accept the fate of some pretty special
accept the fate of some pretty special
accept the fate of some pretty special people all had one thing in common all
people all had one thing in common all
people all had one thing in common all were entering the end of life
were entering the end of life
were entering the end of life then one day decades later I began to
then one day decades later I began to
then one day decades later I began to ask some serious questions there’s one
ask some serious questions there’s one
ask some serious questions there’s one universal truth that underlies every
universal truth that underlies every
universal truth that underlies every human story and that is somewhere in the
human story and that is somewhere in the
human story and that is somewhere in the end of our life story we will all die
end of our life story we will all die
end of our life story we will all die I’m here today to present an idea an
I’m here today to present an idea an
I’m here today to present an idea an idea based on my experiences my
idea based on my experiences my
idea based on my experiences my education and my research death entered
education and my research death entered
education and my research death entered early into my life experience and if
early into my life experience and if
early into my life experience and if anyone had asked me when I was a young
anyone had asked me when I was a young
anyone had asked me when I was a young girl if this was all okay I was said no
10 years ago I received a phone call
10 years ago I received a phone call from Florida my father had fallen the
from Florida my father had fallen the
from Florida my father had fallen the result a broken neck during a phone
result a broken neck during a phone
result a broken neck during a phone conversation with him I heard him say
conversation with him I heard him say
conversation with him I heard him say wearily Kate I cannot do this and I knew
wearily Kate I cannot do this and I knew
wearily Kate I cannot do this and I knew exactly what he meant so I flew to
exactly what he meant so I flew to
exactly what he meant so I flew to Florida to be with him
Florida to be with him
Florida to be with him he was now in ICU and during an
he was now in ICU and during an
he was now in ICU and during an impromptu end-of-life dialogue the
impromptu end-of-life dialogue the
impromptu end-of-life dialogue the question was posed dad do you want to
question was posed dad do you want to
question was posed dad do you want to die with a ventilator in place paralyzed
die with a ventilator in place paralyzed
die with a ventilator in place paralyzed from the waist down he nodded and
from the waist down he nodded and
from the waist down he nodded and yes and then began to cry uncontrollably
yes and then began to cry uncontrollably
yes and then began to cry uncontrollably it would take my father seven long weeks
it would take my father seven long weeks
it would take my father seven long weeks to die an institutional death a death
to die an institutional death a death
to die an institutional death a death gone wrong a travesty four years ago
gone wrong a travesty four years ago
gone wrong a travesty four years ago after my mother was diagnosed with
after my mother was diagnosed with
after my mother was diagnosed with metastatic cancer she returned home sat
metastatic cancer she returned home sat
metastatic cancer she returned home sat down in her favorite chair in her living
down in her favorite chair in her living
down in her favorite chair in her living room looked at me and said I just want
room looked at me and said I just want
room looked at me and said I just want everyone to let me die my over soul is
everyone to let me die my over soul is
everyone to let me die my over soul is calling me home
calling me home
calling me home her smile held the wisdom of soul nine
her smile held the wisdom of soul nine
her smile held the wisdom of soul nine months later my mother would slip away
months later my mother would slip away
months later my mother would slip away at home and on her own terms
at home and on her own terms
at home and on her own terms a death well done my parents deaths
a death well done my parents deaths
a death well done my parents deaths changed me informed me and expanded my
changed me informed me and expanded my
changed me informed me and expanded my worldview when I got back from my
worldview when I got back from my
worldview when I got back from my father’s funeral I kept thinking there’s
father’s funeral I kept thinking there’s
father’s funeral I kept thinking there’s got to be another way
got to be another way
got to be another way there’s got to be a better way and then
there’s got to be a better way and then
there’s got to be a better way and then after being with my mother for nine
after being with my mother for nine
after being with my mother for nine months during her conscious dying
months during her conscious dying
months during her conscious dying process I started looking at the way in
process I started looking at the way in
process I started looking at the way in which people died and urgent questions
which people died and urgent questions
which people died and urgent questions arose why are we not having deeper
arose why are we not having deeper
arose why are we not having deeper conversations with our loved ones ahead
conversations with our loved ones ahead
conversations with our loved ones ahead of time I just recently learned from a
of time I just recently learned from a
of time I just recently learned from a physician that only 50% of us will have
physician that only 50% of us will have
physician that only 50% of us will have any say in the end 50% which means we’ll
any say in the end 50% which means we’ll
any say in the end 50% which means we’ll do the math so I’m curious how many
do the math so I’m curious how many
do the math so I’m curious how many people in this room in this theater want
people in this room in this theater want
people in this room in this theater want to have a say at the end pans I can
to have a say at the end pans I can
to have a say at the end pans I can barely see the back but I see a lot of
barely see the back but I see a lot of
barely see the back but I see a lot of hands
hands
hands so the second thing that came up for me
so the second thing that came up for me
so the second thing that came up for me was what has happened to the lost art of
was what has happened to the lost art of
was what has happened to the lost art of sacred I’m it used to be that we cared
sacred I’m it used to be that we cared
sacred I’m it used to be that we cared for our loved ones at home lovingly and
for our loved ones at home lovingly and
for our loved ones at home lovingly and tenderly to include death care and then
tenderly to include death care and then
tenderly to include death care and then the next question was why is there not a
the next question was why is there not a
the next question was why is there not a place here in this incredible Valley the
place here in this incredible Valley the
place here in this incredible Valley the Wood River Valley to have a guest house
Wood River Valley to have a guest house
Wood River Valley to have a guest house for people to go to at the end of their
for people to go to at the end of their
for people to go to at the end of their life something better several weeks ago
life something better several weeks ago
life something better several weeks ago while seated in a waiting room in
while seated in a waiting room in
while seated in a waiting room in Ketchum my friend Leslie to my left I
looked up at the painting across from us
looked up at the painting across from us and I was pulled into it and I said
and I was pulled into it and I said
and I was pulled into it and I said Leslie imagine driving up through
Leslie imagine driving up through
Leslie imagine driving up through property just like that the flowers the
property just like that the flowers the
property just like that the flowers the running creek to a home where you will
running creek to a home where you will
running creek to a home where you will go and live out the remainder of your
go and live out the remainder of your
go and live out the remainder of your days being lovingly cared for on every
days being lovingly cared for on every
days being lovingly cared for on every level well what happened next took me by
level well what happened next took me by
level well what happened next took me by complete surprise
complete surprise
complete surprise Leslie pulled out her tablet her boogie
Leslie pulled out her tablet her boogie
Leslie pulled out her tablet her boogie board and wrote one word it read guests
and I asked you want to be a guest in
and I asked you want to be a guest in the guest house and she nodded yes you
the guest house and she nodded yes you
the guest house and she nodded yes you see Leslie is entering her fourth year
see Leslie is entering her fourth year
see Leslie is entering her fourth year with ALS she is showing up ahead of time
with ALS she is showing up ahead of time
with ALS she is showing up ahead of time she has a say right now in what she
she has a say right now in what she
she has a say right now in what she wants
wants
wants so this vision of mine that came in
so this vision of mine that came in
so this vision of mine that came in really dropped into my heart and my mind
really dropped into my heart and my mind
really dropped into my heart and my mind two years ago is very very real for me
two years ago is very very real for me
two years ago is very very real for me and I am going to ask all of you to
and I am going to ask all of you to
and I am going to ask all of you to envision a beautiful space right here in
envision a beautiful space right here in
envision a beautiful space right here in our community where people that want
our community where people that want
our community where people that want this differently to think about ways
this differently to think about ways
this differently to think about ways that you can individually help support
that you can individually help support
that you can individually help support this dream come true not only for Leslie
this dream come true not only for Leslie
this dream come true not only for Leslie but for every one of us that that really
but for every one of us that that really
but for every one of us that that really does want to see something different at
does want to see something different at
does want to see something different at the end of our story
the end of our story
the end of our story a special place where actually our
a special place where actually our
a special place where actually our stories still matter until our final
stories still matter until our final
stories still matter until our final breath and beyond I know this community
breath and beyond I know this community
breath and beyond I know this community I know that there’s something waiting I
I know that there’s something waiting I
I know that there’s something waiting I don’t know if there’s land out there I
don’t know if there’s land out there I
don’t know if there’s land out there I don’t know if there’s a home but there
don’t know if there’s a home but there
don’t know if there’s a home but there are a lot of people right now that are
are a lot of people right now that are
are a lot of people right now that are co-creating this right now and so I ask
co-creating this right now and so I ask
co-creating this right now and so I ask you to hold that vision and to think
you to hold that vision and to think
you to hold that vision and to think about ways that you can participate in
about ways that you can participate in
about ways that you can participate in this it’s time to have a place where
this it’s time to have a place where
this it’s time to have a place where people can go to live and die with an
people can go to live and die with an
people can go to live and die with an absence of burden and a place where life
absence of burden and a place where life
absence of burden and a place where life and death is honored thank you
and death is honored thank you
and death is honored thank you [Applause]
”
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