I want to talk to you about authenticity and it’s become important to me recently
and it’s become important to me recently
and it’s become important to me recently for two reasons firstly because my
for two reasons firstly because my
for two reasons firstly because my daughter is he who I adore 16 UI door
daughter is he who I adore 16 UI door
daughter is he who I adore 16 UI door and he would be leaving home in just two
and he would be leaving home in just two
and he would be leaving home in just two short years and started calling me
short years and started calling me
short years and started calling me zombie mum and it’s because quite often
zombie mum and it’s because quite often
zombie mum and it’s because quite often in conversations with her and other
in conversations with her and other
in conversations with her and other people whether it’s everyday or
people whether it’s everyday or
people whether it’s everyday or networking my mind can wander off to
networking my mind can wander off to
networking my mind can wander off to think about other important stuff or to
think about other important stuff or to
think about other important stuff or to evaluate the impression that I’m
evaluate the impression that I’m
evaluate the impression that I’m creating to the person that I’m talking
creating to the person that I’m talking
creating to the person that I’m talking to
to
to I’m just not present and I’m embarrassed
I’m just not present and I’m embarrassed
I’m just not present and I’m embarrassed to admit in quite a few conversations
to admit in quite a few conversations
to admit in quite a few conversations really I haven’t got a clue about what
really I haven’t got a clue about what
really I haven’t got a clue about what we talked about and I promise not a drop
we talked about and I promise not a drop
we talked about and I promise not a drop of Prosecco has passed my lips now the
of Prosecco has passed my lips now the
of Prosecco has passed my lips now the other reason that I wanted to talk about
other reason that I wanted to talk about
other reason that I wanted to talk about authenticity was because I want my
authenticity was because I want my
authenticity was because I want my business to grow and in all areas of
business to grow and in all areas of
business to grow and in all areas of society whether it’s business the arts
society whether it’s business the arts
society whether it’s business the arts politics or love authenticity
politics or love authenticity
politics or love authenticity transparency and integrity are being
transparency and integrity are being
transparency and integrity are being held up as virtues kite marks and
held up as virtues kite marks and
held up as virtues kite marks and differentiators authenticity is in we
differentiators authenticity is in we
differentiators authenticity is in we hate fake we want people to be real or
hate fake we want people to be real or
hate fake we want people to be real or at least appear real I mean let’s face
at least appear real I mean let’s face
at least appear real I mean let’s face it you can be odious a fantasy stand a
it you can be odious a fantasy stand a
it you can be odious a fantasy stand a dum-dum but if you own it people were
dum-dum but if you own it people were
dum-dum but if you own it people were still vote for you so I decided that to
still vote for you so I decided that to
still vote for you so I decided that to become a better person in life and to
become a better person in life and to
become a better person in life and to help my business grow I needed to work
help my business grow I needed to work
help my business grow I needed to work out how to be more authentic but I
out how to be more authentic but I
out how to be more authentic but I realized that had a problem
realized that had a problem
realized that had a problem I wasn’t sure who the real me was so how
I wasn’t sure who the real me was so how
I wasn’t sure who the real me was so how could I be authentic without knowing who
could I be authentic without knowing who
could I be authentic without knowing who I am and my quest to find the answer to
I am and my quest to find the answer to
I am and my quest to find the answer to that question is what I wanted to share
that question is what I wanted to share
that question is what I wanted to share with you today now a few months ago I
with you today now a few months ago I
with you today now a few months ago I was driving easy to work when she told
was driving easy to work when she told
was driving easy to work when she told me that she probably gonna choose
me that she probably gonna choose
me that she probably gonna choose philosophy to be her degree at
philosophy to be her degree at
philosophy to be her degree at University and I Izzy philosophy is
University and I Izzy philosophy is
University and I Izzy philosophy is pointless there are a bunch of naval
pointless there are a bunch of naval
pointless there are a bunch of naval gazes there’s no hard
gazes there’s no hard
gazes there’s no hard comes there’s no tangibles why not
comes there’s no tangibles why not
comes there’s no tangibles why not choose something that will push the
choose something that will push the
choose something that will push the world forward like history she said mum
world forward like history she said mum
world forward like history she said mum you need to move on I said I’m not
you need to move on I said I’m not
you need to move on I said I’m not old-fashioned the past can teach us
old-fashioned the past can teach us
old-fashioned the past can teach us lessons for the future and she said no
lessons for the future and she said no
lessons for the future and she said no you need to drive the light screen so
you need to drive the light screen so
you need to drive the light screen so having some newfound animosity towards
having some newfound animosity towards
having some newfound animosity towards philosophers and needing to answer this
philosophers and needing to answer this
philosophers and needing to answer this question I thought I’d try history first
question I thought I’d try history first
question I thought I’d try history first now a lot of our identity is tied up
now a lot of our identity is tied up
now a lot of our identity is tied up with what we do for a living when I was
with what we do for a living when I was
with what we do for a living when I was little we went to catholic church every
little we went to catholic church every
little we went to catholic church every Sunday
Sunday
Sunday and I did think that I wanted to become
and I did think that I wanted to become
and I did think that I wanted to become a nun and then I found out two things
a nun and then I found out two things
a nun and then I found out two things firstly the priest is the only one that
firstly the priest is the only one that
firstly the priest is the only one that can do the weekly sermon and the mass
can do the weekly sermon and the mass
can do the weekly sermon and the mass and I realized firstly that girls don’t
and I realized firstly that girls don’t
and I realized firstly that girls don’t have the same opportunities as boys well
have the same opportunities as boys well
have the same opportunities as boys well that’s a whole other talk and secondly
that’s a whole other talk and secondly
that’s a whole other talk and secondly that probably my calling was more to do
that probably my calling was more to do
that probably my calling was more to do with entertaining people than
with entertaining people than
with entertaining people than administering the word of God now after
administering the word of God now after
administering the word of God now after a few years I did find my passions which
a few years I did find my passions which
a few years I did find my passions which were writing and performing so obviously
were writing and performing so obviously
were writing and performing so obviously I spent over 20 years of my life working
I spent over 20 years of my life working
I spent over 20 years of my life working in human resources now some people have
in human resources now some people have
in human resources now some people have a vocation so strong they’re not willing
a vocation so strong they’re not willing
a vocation so strong they’re not willing to compromise they could no more not be
to compromise they could no more not be
to compromise they could no more not be a doctor or an artist or a musician or
a doctor or an artist or a musician or
a doctor or an artist or a musician or an actor than breathe I really did want
an actor than breathe I really did want
an actor than breathe I really did want to perform as desperate to do it but I
to perform as desperate to do it but I
to perform as desperate to do it but I didn’t get into drama school when I was
didn’t get into drama school when I was
didn’t get into drama school when I was 18 and mum and dad said I should get a
18 and mum and dad said I should get a
18 and mum and dad said I should get a job so I did but I wasn’t happy
job so I did but I wasn’t happy
job so I did but I wasn’t happy eventually I found my way back to
eventually I found my way back to
eventually I found my way back to performing and 16 years ago I started
performing and 16 years ago I started
performing and 16 years ago I started doing comedy and since then I’ve left my
doing comedy and since then I’ve left my
doing comedy and since then I’ve left my corporate job and I now coach people how
corporate job and I now coach people how
corporate job and I now coach people how to speak and I write books and plays and
to speak and I write books and plays and
to speak and I write books and plays and act so maybe that’s it
act so maybe that’s it
act so maybe that’s it Who I am is a writer a performer and
Who I am is a writer a performer and
Who I am is a writer a performer and coach but that doesn’t feel right
coach but that doesn’t feel right
coach but that doesn’t feel right because I don’t believe that Who I am is
because I don’t believe that Who I am is
because I don’t believe that Who I am is based solely on what I do for a
based solely on what I do for a
based solely on what I do for a profession in the same way that being a
profession in the same way that being a
profession in the same way that being a mother
mother
mother a sister a daughter and a partner don’t
a sister a daughter and a partner don’t
a sister a daughter and a partner don’t make me me
make me me
make me me they are roles that I play that have
they are roles that I play that have
they are roles that I play that have standards and expectations attached so I
standards and expectations attached so I
standards and expectations attached so I was back to square one
was back to square one
was back to square one but I’d realized one of the things that
but I’d realized one of the things that
but I’d realized one of the things that really stops us showing our true selves
really stops us showing our true selves
really stops us showing our true selves these standards and expectations
these standards and expectations
these standards and expectations attached to the roles we play a
attached to the roles we play a
attached to the roles we play a subjective my version of mother or
subjective my version of mother or
subjective my version of mother or daughter may be different to yours or my
daughter may be different to yours or my
daughter may be different to yours or my neighbors or my mother’s now I can’t
neighbors or my mother’s now I can’t
neighbors or my mother’s now I can’t speak for the first two but I know my
speak for the first two but I know my
speak for the first two but I know my mum doesn’t think I’m upholding my end
mum doesn’t think I’m upholding my end
mum doesn’t think I’m upholding my end of the mother-daughter bargain and
of the mother-daughter bargain and
of the mother-daughter bargain and that’s because fourteen years ago her
that’s because fourteen years ago her
that’s because fourteen years ago her daughter me was married to a lawyer had
daughter me was married to a lawyer had
daughter me was married to a lawyer had a good job as a HR manager and a new
a good job as a HR manager and a new
a good job as a HR manager and a new family and now that same daughter me is
family and now that same daughter me is
family and now that same daughter me is a writer slash performer slash coach in
a writer slash performer slash coach in
a writer slash performer slash coach in a same-sex relationship living opposite
a same-sex relationship living opposite
a same-sex relationship living opposite her ex-husband sharing care of her
her ex-husband sharing care of her
her ex-husband sharing care of her granddaughter in some sort of liberal
granddaughter in some sort of liberal
granddaughter in some sort of liberal modern sniffling sitcom one one of the
modern sniffling sitcom one one of the
modern sniffling sitcom one one of the hardest things I’ve ever done is to tell
hardest things I’ve ever done is to tell
hardest things I’ve ever done is to tell my mum that I had a girlfriend but it
my mum that I had a girlfriend but it
my mum that I had a girlfriend but it probably wasn’t a great idea to tell her
probably wasn’t a great idea to tell her
probably wasn’t a great idea to tell her in the restaurant at IKEA
in the restaurant at IKEA
in the restaurant at IKEA I nearly choked on my Swedish meatball
I nearly choked on my Swedish meatball
I nearly choked on my Swedish meatball because the first thing she asked is
because the first thing she asked is
because the first thing she asked is which one of you is the man now although
which one of you is the man now although
which one of you is the man now although who I love shouldn’t define me it does
who I love shouldn’t define me it does
who I love shouldn’t define me it does affect my behavior because I know some
affect my behavior because I know some
affect my behavior because I know some people think I’m different and it
people think I’m different and it
people think I’m different and it impacts how I am with my partner in
impacts how I am with my partner in
impacts how I am with my partner in public and also how open I am about my
public and also how open I am about my
public and also how open I am about my sexuality in business although I guess
sexuality in business although I guess
sexuality in business although I guess the cats out of the bag now
the cats out of the bag now
the cats out of the bag now so having explored my profession the
so having explored my profession the
so having explored my profession the roles I play in my sexuality I still
roles I play in my sexuality I still
roles I play in my sexuality I still didn’t have the answer so I decided to
didn’t have the answer so I decided to
didn’t have the answer so I decided to try an internet search and the best
try an internet search and the best
try an internet search and the best result that came up was a promise that a
result that came up was a promise that a
result that came up was a promise that a self-realization ceremony in India
self-realization ceremony in India
self-realization ceremony in India lasting two hours would not only help me
lasting two hours would not only help me
lasting two hours would not only help me discover my true self but will also give
discover my true self but will also give
discover my true self but will also give me permanent happiness and destroy my
me permanent happiness and destroy my
me permanent happiness and destroy my bad karma in the fire of knowledge I was
bad karma in the fire of knowledge I was
bad karma in the fire of knowledge I was a bit skeptical because it had taken a
a bit skeptical because it had taken a
a bit skeptical because it had taken a Catholic priest an hour to wash away my
Catholic priest an hour to wash away my
Catholic priest an hour to wash away my sins when I was just three months old at
sins when I was just three months old at
sins when I was just three months old at 46 years old I don’t think two hours
46 years old I don’t think two hours
46 years old I don’t think two hours even is going to cut it so I gave up on
even is going to cut it so I gave up on
even is going to cut it so I gave up on Google and as it happens I was working
Google and as it happens I was working
Google and as it happens I was working on Twitter when I saw as you all did and
on Twitter when I saw as you all did and
on Twitter when I saw as you all did and I saw an article about Nietzsche and
I saw an article about Nietzsche and
I saw an article about Nietzsche and finding your true self
finding your true self
finding your true self now I’m paraphrasing slightly here but
now I’m paraphrasing slightly here but
now I’m paraphrasing slightly here but Nietzsche said the journey of
Nietzsche said the journey of
Nietzsche said the journey of self-discovery is a big bag of poop
self-discovery is a big bag of poop
self-discovery is a big bag of poop you’ll only find yourself if you take
you’ll only find yourself if you take
you’ll only find yourself if you take action do what you love and stop running
action do what you love and stop running
action do what you love and stop running with the crowd
with the crowd
with the crowd now I liked what he said but that was
now I liked what he said but that was
now I liked what he said but that was about doing stuff again and I’d been
about doing stuff again and I’d been
about doing stuff again and I’d been down that road still every cloud because
down that road still every cloud because
down that road still every cloud because that same article led me to Seamus
that same article led me to Seamus
that same article led me to Seamus Heaney to EE Cummings to James Baldwin
Heaney to EE Cummings to James Baldwin
Heaney to EE Cummings to James Baldwin to Cahill Gibran and eventually to Alan
to Cahill Gibran and eventually to Alan
to Cahill Gibran and eventually to Alan Watts
Watts
Watts and through that bunch of philosophers
and through that bunch of philosophers
and through that bunch of philosophers and poets I got two things the answer to
and poets I got two things the answer to
and poets I got two things the answer to the question Who am I I’m my own
the question Who am I I’m my own
the question Who am I I’m my own existential crisis I’m sure you’re
existential crisis I’m sure you’re
existential crisis I’m sure you’re wondering why was
wondering why was
wondering why was and I happy to have found the answer to
and I happy to have found the answer to
and I happy to have found the answer to my question to have reached the summit
my question to have reached the summit
my question to have reached the summit of the world’s greatest and most fertile
of the world’s greatest and most fertile
of the world’s greatest and most fertile existential difficulties well I was but
existential difficulties well I was but
existential difficulties well I was but I was also a bit sad because as it turns
I was also a bit sad because as it turns
I was also a bit sad because as it turns out I’ve been missing what it means to
out I’ve been missing what it means to
out I’ve been missing what it means to be alive but let me back up a bit like
be alive but let me back up a bit like
be alive but let me back up a bit like many of us but maybe more say because of
many of us but maybe more say because of
many of us but maybe more say because of my Catholic upbringing
my Catholic upbringing
my Catholic upbringing I’ve always felt chased by my mortality
I’ve always felt chased by my mortality
I’ve always felt chased by my mortality and it steered my behavior
and it steered my behavior
and it steered my behavior I’ve always been driven ambitious and
I’ve always been driven ambitious and
I’ve always been driven ambitious and wanting to make my mark on the world and
wanting to make my mark on the world and
wanting to make my mark on the world and I’ll never forget someone telling me
I’ll never forget someone telling me
I’ll never forget someone telling me when I was young that I should live my
when I was young that I should live my
when I was young that I should live my life based on what I wanted people to
life based on what I wanted people to
life based on what I wanted people to remember me for what I wanted people to
remember me for what I wanted people to
remember me for what I wanted people to say about me in my eulogy and I
say about me in my eulogy and I
say about me in my eulogy and I interpreted that to mean what I’d
interpreted that to mean what I’d
interpreted that to mean what I’d achieved and as it turns out our
achieved and as it turns out our
achieved and as it turns out our awareness of the fact that we’re gonna
awareness of the fact that we’re gonna
awareness of the fact that we’re gonna perish could be one of our greatest
perish could be one of our greatest
perish could be one of our greatest assets and also biggest failures um Alan
assets and also biggest failures um Alan
assets and also biggest failures um Alan Watts said that human beings don’t feel
Watts said that human beings don’t feel
Watts said that human beings don’t feel able to enjoy the present until the past
able to enjoy the present until the past
able to enjoy the present until the past is cleared up and the future is full of
is cleared up and the future is full of
is cleared up and the future is full of promise that means we’re so busy
promise that means we’re so busy
promise that means we’re so busy worrying about what’s happened in the
worrying about what’s happened in the
worrying about what’s happened in the past and who we’ve been or the future
past and who we’ve been or the future
past and who we’ve been or the future that we want to get the where absent
that we want to get the where absent
that we want to get the where absent from the present the trouble is the
from the present the trouble is the
from the present the trouble is the future never comes and if we spend all
future never comes and if we spend all
future never comes and if we spend all our time worrying about it we’ll die
our time worrying about it we’ll die
our time worrying about it we’ll die never really having lived the moment we
never really having lived the moment we
never really having lived the moment we detach ourselves from the present is
detach ourselves from the present is
detach ourselves from the present is when we lose touch with the essence of
when we lose touch with the essence of
when we lose touch with the essence of our being having been on this journey I
our being having been on this journey I
our being having been on this journey I now believe that the answer to the
now believe that the answer to the
now believe that the answer to the question Who am I is there is no I the
question Who am I is there is no I the
question Who am I is there is no I the second we separate ourselves from now to
second we separate ourselves from now to
second we separate ourselves from now to worry about the future or the past or
worry about the future or the past or
worry about the future or the past or the I that we’re presenting to the world
the I that we’re presenting to the world
the I that we’re presenting to the world is the second we cease to be we lose our
is the second we cease to be we lose our
is the second we cease to be we lose our authenticity and we miss the magic
authenticity and we miss the magic
authenticity and we miss the magic moments of life as they pass us by now I
moments of life as they pass us by now I
moments of life as they pass us by now I want you to find some sort of metaphor
want you to find some sort of metaphor
want you to find some sort of metaphor or analogy to share this revelation with
or analogy to share this revelation with
or analogy to share this revelation with Izzi and it hit me all of a sudden like
Izzi and it hit me all of a sudden like
Izzi and it hit me all of a sudden like a
a
a in the face it’s the bloody game the
in the face it’s the bloody game the
in the face it’s the bloody game the secret to the meaning of life and how to
secret to the meaning of life and how to
secret to the meaning of life and how to be authentic was in a stupid pointless
be authentic was in a stupid pointless
be authentic was in a stupid pointless game that I discovered five years ago
game that I discovered five years ago
game that I discovered five years ago apparently two engineers had missed the
apparently two engineers had missed the
apparently two engineers had missed the last train home from London and to avoid
last train home from London and to avoid
last train home from London and to avoid thinking about their predicament they
thinking about their predicament they
thinking about their predicament they invented the game now the game has just
invented the game now the game has just
invented the game now the game has just got three rules everyone in the world is
got three rules everyone in the world is
got three rules everyone in the world is playing you can’t choose not to play and
playing you can’t choose not to play and
playing you can’t choose not to play and you can’t stop playing the moment you
you can’t stop playing the moment you
you can’t stop playing the moment you think about the game you’ve lost the
think about the game you’ve lost the
think about the game you’ve lost the game and number three if you lose the
game and number three if you lose the
game and number three if you lose the game you have to tell people I’ve lost
game you have to tell people I’ve lost
game you have to tell people I’ve lost the game the bottom line is that just
the game the bottom line is that just
the game the bottom line is that just like in that game if we are not present
like in that game if we are not present
like in that game if we are not present in the game of life we lose if we’re not
in the game of life we lose if we’re not
in the game of life we lose if we’re not being then we’re on the sidelines
being then we’re on the sidelines
being then we’re on the sidelines watching everyone else play it’s a head
watching everyone else play it’s a head
watching everyone else play it’s a head scratcher isn’t it I was like what if I
scratcher isn’t it I was like what if I
scratcher isn’t it I was like what if I can’t I can’t plan if I can’t think but
can’t I can’t plan if I can’t think but
can’t I can’t plan if I can’t think but I think you can plan as long as you’re
I think you can plan as long as you’re
I think you can plan as long as you’re not worrying about things that you can’t
not worrying about things that you can’t
not worrying about things that you can’t control in the future and if it means
control in the future and if it means
control in the future and if it means that if you are focused if you’re
that if you are focused if you’re
that if you are focused if you’re working then be focused and present
working then be focused and present
working then be focused and present doing that if you’re playing with your
doing that if you’re playing with your
doing that if you’re playing with your kids be focused on that if it’s the last
kids be focused on that if it’s the last
kids be focused on that if it’s the last day of your holiday enjoy the view don’t
day of your holiday enjoy the view don’t
day of your holiday enjoy the view don’t be miserable in the sunshine thinking
be miserable in the sunshine thinking
be miserable in the sunshine thinking about being back at work on Monday so
about being back at work on Monday so
about being back at work on Monday so the lesson I’ve learned is that life is
the lesson I’ve learned is that life is
the lesson I’ve learned is that life is about experiences and connections it’s
about experiences and connections it’s
about experiences and connections it’s not about what we’ve achieved it’s about
not about what we’ve achieved it’s about
not about what we’ve achieved it’s about how we’ve made people feel and how many
how we’ve made people feel and how many
how we’ve made people feel and how many moments of the time allotted to us that
moments of the time allotted to us that
moments of the time allotted to us that we’ve been so present that the memory is
we’ve been so present that the memory is
we’ve been so present that the memory is seared into our brain and I know I’ve
seared into our brain and I know I’ve
seared into our brain and I know I’ve had fewer of these than I’d like but
had fewer of these than I’d like but
had fewer of these than I’d like but there’s a lot of the time it feels like
there’s a lot of the time it feels like
there’s a lot of the time it feels like I’m on autopilot and the challenge for
I’m on autopilot and the challenge for
I’m on autopilot and the challenge for the years ahead for me is to be as
the years ahead for me is to be as
the years ahead for me is to be as authentic as I can by being as present
authentic as I can by being as present
authentic as I can by being as present as I can I don’t want to miss a single
as I can I don’t want to miss a single
as I can I don’t want to miss a single second and I know there’ll be plenty of
second and I know there’ll be plenty of
second and I know there’ll be plenty of times that I fail and I lose the game
times that I fail and I lose the game
times that I fail and I lose the game but from now on I’m going to forget
but from now on I’m going to forget
but from now on I’m going to forget about it and enjoy the
about it and enjoy the
about it and enjoy the while it lasts thank you very much
while it lasts thank you very much
while it lasts thank you very much [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] you
you
you [Music]
”
Be First to Comment