when I was a child books were my friends Nancy Drew was my hero
Nancy Drew was my hero
Nancy Drew was my hero such a badass I wanted to be just like
such a badass I wanted to be just like
such a badass I wanted to be just like her when I grew up and I wanted to write
her when I grew up and I wanted to write
her when I grew up and I wanted to write so I started at an early age when I was
so I started at an early age when I was
so I started at an early age when I was about 13 my parents divorced and things
about 13 my parents divorced and things
about 13 my parents divorced and things got a little bit tough I wanted anything
got a little bit tough I wanted anything
got a little bit tough I wanted anything I had to earn it so when I was in high
I had to earn it so when I was in high
I had to earn it so when I was in high school I worked three jobs continued to
school I worked three jobs continued to
school I worked three jobs continued to write and also got on the high school
write and also got on the high school
write and also got on the high school yearbook and newspaper it was while I
yearbook and newspaper it was while I
yearbook and newspaper it was while I was on the yearbook that one of our
was on the yearbook that one of our
was on the yearbook that one of our assignments was to sell ads to help
assignments was to sell ads to help
assignments was to sell ads to help support the yearbook at Westside so I
support the yearbook at Westside so I
support the yearbook at Westside so I came up with a strategy sell it to the
came up with a strategy sell it to the
came up with a strategy sell it to the Marines
Marines
Marines one of my jobs was up at the mall that
one of my jobs was up at the mall that
one of my jobs was up at the mall that was near the Marine Corps Recruiting
was near the Marine Corps Recruiting
was near the Marine Corps Recruiting Office and they always came up to our
Office and they always came up to our
Office and they always came up to our school to talk to the students so I
school to talk to the students so I
school to talk to the students so I thought I would stop by after school one
thought I would stop by after school one
thought I would stop by after school one day and on my way up to work and sell
day and on my way up to work and sell
day and on my way up to work and sell them so I headed up there one day and as
them so I headed up there one day and as
them so I headed up there one day and as I came into their office I saw these two
I came into their office I saw these two
I came into their office I saw these two Marines they had on shiny black shoes
Marines they had on shiny black shoes
Marines they had on shiny black shoes and brass buttons that shone like little
and brass buttons that shone like little
and brass buttons that shone like little lanterns and there was not a wrinkle in
lanterns and there was not a wrinkle in
lanterns and there was not a wrinkle in sight I was very impressed by those
sight I was very impressed by those
sight I was very impressed by those uniforms so I started to approach them
uniforms so I started to approach them
uniforms so I started to approach them and I saw one of the Marines leaned over
and I saw one of the Marines leaned over
and I saw one of the Marines leaned over to the other one and say I’ll take this
to the other one and say I’ll take this
to the other one and say I’ll take this like he was talking to a used-car
like he was talking to a used-car
like he was talking to a used-car manager taking the sale you know and so
manager taking the sale you know and so
manager taking the sale you know and so he approached me and he said what brings
he approached me and he said what brings
he approached me and he said what brings you here today and I said well I’d like
you here today and I said well I’d like
you here today and I said well I’d like to talk to you about buying an ad in the
to talk to you about buying an ad in the
to talk to you about buying an ad in the yearbook and he immediately said I’ll
yearbook and he immediately said I’ll
yearbook and he immediately said I’ll take the largest one sold
take the largest one sold
take the largest one sold and then he said what are you going to
and then he said what are you going to
and then he said what are you going to do after high school and I said well I’m
do after high school and I said well I’m
do after high school and I said well I’m going to be a writer a journalist but
going to be a writer a journalist but
going to be a writer a journalist but I’m going to see the world first before
I’m going to see the world first before
I’m going to see the world first before I go to school and then he said well did
I go to school and then he said well did
I go to school and then he said well did you know that in the Marine Corps you
you know that in the Marine Corps you
you know that in the Marine Corps you can actually write we have a military
can actually write we have a military
can actually write we have a military occupational specialty or MOS called
occupational specialty or MOS called
occupational specialty or MOS called public affairs and you can write and get
public affairs and you can write and get
public affairs and you can write and get paid to do it even while you’re on
paid to do it even while you’re on
paid to do it even while you’re on active duty and go to all these cool
active duty and go to all these cool
active duty and go to all these cool places and well at least that’s how I
places and well at least that’s how I
places and well at least that’s how I heard it so I can do the writing that
heard it so I can do the writing that
heard it so I can do the writing that I’ve always dreamed of and get paid to
I’ve always dreamed of and get paid to
I’ve always dreamed of and get paid to do it and go cool places Wow the Marines
do it and go cool places Wow the Marines
do it and go cool places Wow the Marines guess who else got sold that day so the
guess who else got sold that day so the
guess who else got sold that day so the day after he turned 17 the recruiter
day after he turned 17 the recruiter
day after he turned 17 the recruiter came to our house and he had to ask my
came to our house and he had to ask my
came to our house and he had to ask my mother to sign the enlistment papers
mother to sign the enlistment papers
mother to sign the enlistment papers which she did she thought everything I
which she did she thought everything I
which she did she thought everything I did was wonderful no questions asked
did was wonderful no questions asked
did was wonderful no questions asked so in January I graduated early and on
so in January I graduated early and on
so in January I graduated early and on February 20th of that year I packed up
February 20th of that year I packed up
February 20th of that year I packed up to go to the swamps of Parris Island
to go to the swamps of Parris Island
to go to the swamps of Parris Island South Carolina to boot camp in the only
South Carolina to boot camp in the only
South Carolina to boot camp in the only place that still makes women Marines
place that still makes women Marines
place that still makes women Marines today I made it through boot camp but
today I made it through boot camp but
today I made it through boot camp but the only writing that I was able to do
the only writing that I was able to do
the only writing that I was able to do was writing letters home my Marine Corps
was writing letters home my Marine Corps
was writing letters home my Marine Corps recruiter had told me that there was no
recruiter had told me that there was no
recruiter had told me that there was no guarantee that I would get
guarantee that I would get
guarantee that I would get public-affairs
public-affairs
public-affairs so when I got my orders towards the end
so when I got my orders towards the end
so when I got my orders towards the end of boot camp and I saw the words
of boot camp and I saw the words
of boot camp and I saw the words communication electronics I was shocked
communication electronics I was shocked
communication electronics I was shocked the school was in Twentynine Palms
the school was in Twentynine Palms
the school was in Twentynine Palms California in the middle of a lovely
California in the middle of a lovely
California in the middle of a lovely desert a beach in the middle of the
desert a beach in the middle of the
desert a beach in the middle of the Mojave I graduated second in my class
Mojave I graduated second in my class
Mojave I graduated second in my class after three months of marching in the
after three months of marching in the
after three months of marching in the Blazing Sun and raking lots of sand the
Blazing Sun and raking lots of sand the
Blazing Sun and raking lots of sand the Marines like lots of nice neat lines in
Marines like lots of nice neat lines in
Marines like lots of nice neat lines in the sand so I arrived at Camp Lejeune
the sand so I arrived at Camp Lejeune
the sand so I arrived at Camp Lejeune which was my duty station and I was the
which was my duty station and I was the
which was my duty station and I was the only female in the unit for two years
only female in the unit for two years
only female in the unit for two years the Marines in my unit were very
the Marines in my unit were very
the Marines in my unit were very respectful and we treated me like a
respectful and we treated me like a
respectful and we treated me like a sister when we were off duty things were
sister when we were off duty things were
sister when we were off duty things were going very well and I got the rank of
going very well and I got the rank of
going very well and I got the rank of Lance Corporal and it was more hard work
Lance Corporal and it was more hard work
Lance Corporal and it was more hard work I went on picked up corporal I thought I
I went on picked up corporal I thought I
I went on picked up corporal I thought I was doing pretty good for two-and-a-half
was doing pretty good for two-and-a-half
was doing pretty good for two-and-a-half years in and then we got a new staff
years in and then we got a new staff
years in and then we got a new staff sergeant and things changed he had heard
sergeant and things changed he had heard
sergeant and things changed he had heard that I like to run at lunchtime I had a
that I like to run at lunchtime I had a
that I like to run at lunchtime I had a three-mile run that I usually ran and he
three-mile run that I usually ran and he
three-mile run that I usually ran and he said tomorrow we’re gonna take the
said tomorrow we’re gonna take the
said tomorrow we’re gonna take the platoon on your run I said okay little
platoon on your run I said okay little
platoon on your run I said okay little did I know he was setting me up so the
did I know he was setting me up so the
did I know he was setting me up so the next day we headed out on my run and
next day we headed out on my run and
next day we headed out on my run and there was a marine calling cadence and
there was a marine calling cadence and
there was a marine calling cadence and we were less than halfway through the
we were less than halfway through the
we were less than halfway through the run and he turned the whole unit around
run and he turned the whole unit around
run and he turned the whole unit around I didn’t know what was going on so I
I didn’t know what was going on so I
I didn’t know what was going on so I continued my run and then I heard this
continued my run and then I heard this
continued my run and then I heard this mouth breather coming up behind me so I
mouth breather coming up behind me so I
mouth breather coming up behind me so I turned around and I see this junior
turned around and I see this junior
turned around and I see this junior wearing a few paces back and I said what
wearing a few paces back and I said what
wearing a few paces back and I said what are you doing he said Staff Sergeant
are you doing he said Staff Sergeant
are you doing he said Staff Sergeant says I could keep an eye on you make
says I could keep an eye on you make
says I could keep an eye on you make sure you’re okay
sure you’re okay
sure you’re okay I said of course I’m okay I run this
I said of course I’m okay I run this
I said of course I’m okay I run this every day I was shocked and I was hurt
every day I was shocked and I was hurt
every day I was shocked and I was hurt and I knew from that point on that my
and I knew from that point on that my
and I knew from that point on that my immediate leadership did not have my
immediate leadership did not have my
immediate leadership did not have my back three years into my four-year
back three years into my four-year
back three years into my four-year enlistment came a time that I was
enlistment came a time that I was
enlistment came a time that I was sexually assaulted by another marine
sexually assaulted by another marine
sexually assaulted by another marine I couldn’t believe it was happening I
I couldn’t believe it was happening I
I couldn’t believe it was happening I thought about all the things that I had
thought about all the things that I had
thought about all the things that I had done the fact that I was looking at
done the fact that I was looking at
done the fact that I was looking at reenlistment which was probably now gone
reenlistment which was probably now gone
reenlistment which was probably now gone all the hard work that I put in and I
all the hard work that I put in and I
all the hard work that I put in and I just didn’t know what was going to
just didn’t know what was going to
just didn’t know what was going to happen next I confided in two Marines
happen next I confided in two Marines
happen next I confided in two Marines that were real good friends of mine
that were real good friends of mine
that were real good friends of mine – male Marines and we decided that I
– male Marines and we decided that I
– male Marines and we decided that I could not tell anybody because my
could not tell anybody because my
could not tell anybody because my immediate supervisor did not have my
immediate supervisor did not have my
immediate supervisor did not have my back the only way to explain it to you
back the only way to explain it to you
back the only way to explain it to you is that military sexual trauma is like
is that military sexual trauma is like
is that military sexual trauma is like telling your father that your brother
telling your father that your brother
telling your father that your brother raped you
raped you
raped you the betrayal can be as bad or worse than
the betrayal can be as bad or worse than
the betrayal can be as bad or worse than the assault itself it’s very personal
so I stuffed it for 30 years on the
so I stuffed it for 30 years on the outside things looked okay productive I
earned degrees I ran marathons I jumped
earned degrees I ran marathons I jumped out of airplanes but inside things were
out of airplanes but inside things were
out of airplanes but inside things were different I lived through 13 years of
different I lived through 13 years of
different I lived through 13 years of domestic violence which I still believe
domestic violence which I still believe
domestic violence which I still believe today had to do with not dealing with a
today had to do with not dealing with a
today had to do with not dealing with a sexual assault in the first place I
sexual assault in the first place I
sexual assault in the first place I raised two boys who were with me when
raised two boys who were with me when
raised two boys who were with me when that relationship crumbled and I got to
that relationship crumbled and I got to
that relationship crumbled and I got to be their mother and father and get them
be their mother and father and get them
be their mother and father and get them through that I the only thing I had at
through that I the only thing I had at
through that I the only thing I had at that point was staying extremely busy
that point was staying extremely busy
that point was staying extremely busy and my writing filling lots of notebooks
and my writing filling lots of notebooks
and my writing filling lots of notebooks with writing when I had no one else to
with writing when I had no one else to
with writing when I had no one else to communicate with I didn’t know then that
communicate with I didn’t know then that
communicate with I didn’t know then that what I had was PTSD so I healed by
what I had was PTSD so I healed by
what I had was PTSD so I healed by working with other veterans one of my
working with other veterans one of my
working with other veterans one of my son’s is also mine and he was in Iraq in
son’s is also mine and he was in Iraq in
son’s is also mine and he was in Iraq in 2006
2006
2006 his unit lost 11 killed in action and
his unit lost 11 killed in action and
his unit lost 11 killed in action and many more wounded the VA has now
many more wounded the VA has now
many more wounded the VA has now declared MiFi 100 percent disabled and
declared MiFi 100 percent disabled and
declared MiFi 100 percent disabled and he’s never going to be quite the same
he’s never going to be quite the same
he’s never going to be quite the same anybody that’s been to war will never be
anybody that’s been to war will never be
anybody that’s been to war will never be quite the same your eyes going to have
quite the same your eyes going to have
quite the same your eyes going to have some kind of effect from it so I’m kind
some kind of effect from it so I’m kind
some kind of effect from it so I’m kind of feeling so I went on to work with the
of feeling so I went on to work with the
of feeling so I went on to work with the veterans as a Peer Support Specialists
veterans as a Peer Support Specialists
veterans as a Peer Support Specialists of a VA hospital and I worked with the
of a VA hospital and I worked with the
of a VA hospital and I worked with the social worker we would do something that
social worker we would do something that
social worker we would do something that we called a warm handoff I would call
we called a warm handoff I would call
we called a warm handoff I would call her and I would say I’ve got a veteran
her and I would say I’ve got a veteran
her and I would say I’ve got a veteran I’m coming up and she would meet me at
I’m coming up and she would meet me at
I’m coming up and she would meet me at the front door and take over from there
the front door and take over from there
the front door and take over from there one day she called me it was July 3rd
one day she called me it was July 3rd
one day she called me it was July 3rd 2012 and she said when are you coming in
2012 and she said when are you coming in
2012 and she said when are you coming in for yourself I had never said a word to
for yourself I had never said a word to
for yourself I had never said a word to her I don’t know how she knew she just
her I don’t know how she knew she just
her I don’t know how she knew she just did so I came up to her office that
did so I came up to her office that
did so I came up to her office that afternoon and we talked and I threw up
afternoon and we talked and I threw up
afternoon and we talked and I threw up for 10 minutes straight and then we did
for 10 minutes straight and then we did
for 10 minutes straight and then we did 13 weeks of exposure therapy it helped
13 weeks of exposure therapy it helped
13 weeks of exposure therapy it helped and I continued to write at that point I
and I continued to write at that point I
and I continued to write at that point I was contacted by the Wounded Warrior
was contacted by the Wounded Warrior
was contacted by the Wounded Warrior Project as my son’s caregiver they sent
Project as my son’s caregiver they sent
Project as my son’s caregiver they sent me an email that surprised me it said
me an email that surprised me it said
me an email that surprised me it said come do some writing up in New York City
come do some writing up in New York City
come do some writing up in New York City with the Writers Guild Initiative come
with the Writers Guild Initiative come
with the Writers Guild Initiative come write with other veterans and caregivers
write with other veterans and caregivers
write with other veterans and caregivers other mothers wives sisters and
other mothers wives sisters and
other mothers wives sisters and girlfriends just spend three days so I
girlfriends just spend three days so I
girlfriends just spend three days so I went to New York City and we all met and
went to New York City and we all met and
went to New York City and we all met and we were kind of shy at first but then we
we were kind of shy at first but then we
we were kind of shy at first but then we started to bond and as we bonded the
started to bond and as we bonded the
started to bond and as we bonded the writing came along with the laughter and
writing came along with the laughter and
writing came along with the laughter and the tears there was a lot of healing
the tears there was a lot of healing
the tears there was a lot of healing that took place and it took a lot of
that took place and it took a lot of
that took place and it took a lot of courage to get that stuff out
courage to get that stuff out
courage to get that stuff out but it was very validating so at the end
but it was very validating so at the end
but it was very validating so at the end of the three days I went home and I
of the three days I went home and I
of the three days I went home and I thought about what had happened and I
thought about what had happened and I
thought about what had happened and I thought I would love to have something
thought I would love to have something
thought I would love to have something like this back here and I kept writing
like this back here and I kept writing
like this back here and I kept writing and then I was contacted by someone at
and then I was contacted by someone at
and then I was contacted by someone at the Lincoln VA and they said how would
the Lincoln VA and they said how would
the Lincoln VA and they said how would you like to go to a writers group he
you like to go to a writers group he
you like to go to a writers group he managed to Nebraska is putting one
managed to Nebraska is putting one
managed to Nebraska is putting one together I said yeah I’m in so we
together I said yeah I’m in so we
together I said yeah I’m in so we started a writing workshop in 2014 that
started a writing workshop in 2014 that
started a writing workshop in 2014 that is now expanded to Omaha and brand
is now expanded to Omaha and brand
is now expanded to Omaha and brand Island we call ourselves Nebraska
Island we call ourselves Nebraska
Island we call ourselves Nebraska warrior writers and we’re still together
warrior writers and we’re still together
warrior writers and we’re still together today the Writers Guild initiative and
today the Writers Guild initiative and
today the Writers Guild initiative and the Nebraska warrior Writers groups do
the Nebraska warrior Writers groups do
the Nebraska warrior Writers groups do some amazing work we also with the
some amazing work we also with the
some amazing work we also with the Writers Guild Initiative have put
Writers Guild Initiative have put
Writers Guild Initiative have put together a virtual writing group that
together a virtual writing group that
together a virtual writing group that pulls together veterans from across the
pulls together veterans from across the
pulls together veterans from across the country it’s been very healing in 2015 I
country it’s been very healing in 2015 I
country it’s been very healing in 2015 I was asked to go back east with the
was asked to go back east with the
was asked to go back east with the Writers Guild
Writers Guild
Writers Guild because alfre woodard was going to read
because alfre woodard was going to read
because alfre woodard was going to read one of my pieces about resilience
one of my pieces about resilience
one of my pieces about resilience through the generosity of friends and
through the generosity of friends and
through the generosity of friends and family I was able to go hear my words
spoken by the kindest most generous
spoken by the kindest most generous person she breathed life into my words
we kept writing and then towards the end
we kept writing and then towards the end of the year we got the opportunity to do
of the year we got the opportunity to do
of the year we got the opportunity to do some writing in the new veterans block
some writing in the new veterans block
some writing in the new veterans block of the Douglas County Jail here in Omaha
of the Douglas County Jail here in Omaha
of the Douglas County Jail here in Omaha I was so excited we started right before
I was so excited we started right before
I was so excited we started right before Thanksgiving with seven veterans I met
Thanksgiving with seven veterans I met
Thanksgiving with seven veterans I met with them and I said let’s just do some
with them and I said let’s just do some
with them and I said let’s just do some writing when you feel like you’re ready
writing when you feel like you’re ready
writing when you feel like you’re ready for it
for it
for it I gave them each a few sheets of paper
I gave them each a few sheets of paper
I gave them each a few sheets of paper and they had their flimsy little jail
and they had their flimsy little jail
and they had their flimsy little jail pens I don’t know if you guys have ever
pens I don’t know if you guys have ever
pens I don’t know if you guys have ever seen anything like it it looks like the
seen anything like it it looks like the
seen anything like it it looks like the middle of a big pen very hard to write
middle of a big pen very hard to write
middle of a big pen very hard to write with anything like that and I said just
with anything like that and I said just
with anything like that and I said just write something you can do a poem or a
write something you can do a poem or a
write something you can do a poem or a song or you can even draw a picture I
song or you can even draw a picture I
song or you can even draw a picture I gave them a choice in a place where they
gave them a choice in a place where they
gave them a choice in a place where they had very few choices but a lot of time I
had very few choices but a lot of time I
had very few choices but a lot of time I came back two following Monday and what
came back two following Monday and what
came back two following Monday and what I saw
I saw
I saw blew me away every one of them had
blew me away every one of them had
blew me away every one of them had written something and one of them had
written something and one of them had
written something and one of them had written 27 pages he had written on the
written 27 pages he had written on the
written 27 pages he had written on the front and the back he had written on the
front and the back he had written on the
front and the back he had written on the pages that the other guys didn’t use he
pages that the other guys didn’t use he
pages that the other guys didn’t use he had written on the back of the kites
had written on the back of the kites
had written on the back of the kites which are the pages that they used to
which are the pages that they used to
which are the pages that they used to ask for something when they’re in jail
ask for something when they’re in jail
ask for something when they’re in jail and anything else that he could find
and anything else that he could find
and anything else that he could find pretty much what they had done was do
pretty much what they had done was do
pretty much what they had done was do some healing through that writing it was
some healing through that writing it was
some healing through that writing it was their therapy so we continued and then
their therapy so we continued and then
their therapy so we continued and then at one point I asked an army captain to
at one point I asked an army captain to
at one point I asked an army captain to come in he had been to Afghanistan and
come in he had been to Afghanistan and
come in he had been to Afghanistan and Iraq and Ben was no slouch I knew that
Iraq and Ben was no slouch I knew that
Iraq and Ben was no slouch I knew that he would bond with them and they would
he would bond with them and they would
he would bond with them and they would they with him so he came in and he
they with him so he came in and he
they with him so he came in and he brought in stories from Tim O’Brien and
brought in stories from Tim O’Brien and
brought in stories from Tim O’Brien and Phil clay and other world writers and
Phil clay and other world writers and
Phil clay and other world writers and they did they began to write and share
they did they began to write and share
they did they began to write and share stories and bond and a lot of healing
stories and bond and a lot of healing
stories and bond and a lot of healing took place there it was very good for
took place there it was very good for
took place there it was very good for all of them then towards the end of the
all of them then towards the end of the
all of them then towards the end of the year I was asked by the writers guild
year I was asked by the writers guild
year I was asked by the writers guild initiative to do some keynote speaking
initiative to do some keynote speaking
initiative to do some keynote speaking at their gala the theme was change the
at their gala the theme was change the
at their gala the theme was change the stories of transformation from the
stories of transformation from the
stories of transformation from the workshops of the Writers Guild
what did I say I said to them I write
what did I say I said to them I write because I can’t keep it in I also write
because I can’t keep it in I also write
because I can’t keep it in I also write we write because the world needs to bear
we write because the world needs to bear
we write because the world needs to bear witness to what we’ve seen and where
witness to what we’ve seen and where
witness to what we’ve seen and where we’ve been as veterans there are
we’ve been as veterans there are
we’ve been as veterans there are veterans and caregivers who are
veterans and caregivers who are
veterans and caregivers who are struggling with the unseen wounds of war
struggling with the unseen wounds of war
struggling with the unseen wounds of war and other traumas some of them are
and other traumas some of them are
and other traumas some of them are suffering with the pain and the shame of
suffering with the pain and the shame of
suffering with the pain and the shame of the things that they’ve seen and done
the things that they’ve seen and done
the things that they’ve seen and done and the fact that there are people who
and the fact that there are people who
and the fact that there are people who don’t want to hear about it and don’t
don’t want to hear about it and don’t
don’t want to hear about it and don’t want to see any of that is it any wonder
want to see any of that is it any wonder
want to see any of that is it any wonder that we have at least 20 suicides a day
that we have at least 20 suicides a day
that we have at least 20 suicides a day in our veteran population we veterans
in our veteran population we veterans
in our veteran population we veterans lead the way in showing others how to
lead the way in showing others how to
lead the way in showing others how to heal we all of us all of you sitting out
heal we all of us all of you sitting out
heal we all of us all of you sitting out there are veterans of something some
there are veterans of something some
there are veterans of something some trauma you know Maya Angelou once said
trauma you know Maya Angelou once said
trauma you know Maya Angelou once said there is no greater agony than an untold
there is no greater agony than an untold
there is no greater agony than an untold story inside of you so go ahead pick up
story inside of you so go ahead pick up
story inside of you so go ahead pick up a pen thank you
a pen thank you
a pen thank you you
”
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