in the beginning was the nerd that’s me at 11 years old
at 11 years old
at 11 years old the permed mullet was my mother’s idea
the permed mullet was my mother’s idea
the permed mullet was my mother’s idea not mine it exasperated her that I
not mine it exasperated her that I
not mine it exasperated her that I looked more like my dad and I didn’t
looked more like my dad and I didn’t
looked more like my dad and I didn’t inherit her beauty so early on her
inherit her beauty so early on her
inherit her beauty so early on her parenting motto became okay books not
parenting motto became okay books not
parenting motto became okay books not looks that was the year she gave me my
looks that was the year she gave me my
looks that was the year she gave me my first journal and told me to go
first journal and told me to go
first journal and told me to go somewhere else anywhere else to write my
somewhere else anywhere else to write my
somewhere else anywhere else to write my complaints down so she wouldn’t have to
complaints down so she wouldn’t have to
complaints down so she wouldn’t have to hear them over the years
hear them over the years
hear them over the years my journals became my best friends I
my journals became my best friends I
my journals became my best friends I could tell them anything these days I’m
could tell them anything these days I’m
could tell them anything these days I’m still an avid diarist with better hair
still an avid diarist with better hair
still an avid diarist with better hair oh but now that I’m a grown-up my work
oh but now that I’m a grown-up my work
oh but now that I’m a grown-up my work with journals is all about encouraging
with journals is all about encouraging
with journals is all about encouraging the writing of others at the hospital
the writing of others at the hospital
the writing of others at the hospital bedside many of whom have never seen
bedside many of whom have never seen
bedside many of whom have never seen themselves as writers before I work with
themselves as writers before I work with
themselves as writers before I work with people pen and paper because that’s
people pen and paper because that’s
people pen and paper because that’s technology I can understand it doesn’t
technology I can understand it doesn’t
technology I can understand it doesn’t matter what how much or when a patient I
matter what how much or when a patient I
matter what how much or when a patient I works with wants to write it doesn’t
works with wants to write it doesn’t
works with wants to write it doesn’t matter if they want to share their
matter if they want to share their
matter if they want to share their writing with me or just enjoy some quiet
writing with me or just enjoy some quiet
writing with me or just enjoy some quiet time alone with their journals but no
time alone with their journals but no
time alone with their journals but no matter how someone uses it I believe it
matter how someone uses it I believe it
matter how someone uses it I believe it arming a person with pen and paper can
arming a person with pen and paper can
arming a person with pen and paper can help her slow down long enough to
help her slow down long enough to
help her slow down long enough to separate what’s important from what’s
separate what’s important from what’s
separate what’s important from what’s not with so many things spinning out of
not with so many things spinning out of
not with so many things spinning out of our control especially when we’re sick
our control especially when we’re sick
our control especially when we’re sick journals are a simple way to restore
journals are a simple way to restore
journals are a simple way to restore agency dignity and privacy to a life now
agency dignity and privacy to a life now
agency dignity and privacy to a life now that there’s no wrong way to keep a
that there’s no wrong way to keep a
that there’s no wrong way to keep a journal but I think it’s a shame not to
journal but I think it’s a shame not to
journal but I think it’s a shame not to try my mother encouraged my writing at
try my mother encouraged my writing at
try my mother encouraged my writing at an early age partly because she wanted
an early age partly because she wanted
an early age partly because she wanted me to shut up and stop whining please
me to shut up and stop whining please
me to shut up and stop whining please but also because she had a story inside
but also because she had a story inside
but also because she had a story inside her and she just couldn’t get it out the
her and she just couldn’t get it out the
her and she just couldn’t get it out the poet Maya Angelou once said there is no
poet Maya Angelou once said there is no
poet Maya Angelou once said there is no greater agony than burying an untold
greater agony than burying an untold
greater agony than burying an untold story inside
story inside
story inside you and I could see that this was so my
you and I could see that this was so my
you and I could see that this was so my having played a witness to this agony
having played a witness to this agony
having played a witness to this agony and forms a great deal of why I do what
and forms a great deal of why I do what
and forms a great deal of why I do what I do my parents met in the very top of
I do my parents met in the very top of
I do my parents met in the very top of Finland just before the Americans landed
Finland just before the Americans landed
Finland just before the Americans landed on the moon my mom told me that story
on the moon my mom told me that story
on the moon my mom told me that story again and again and one of my greatest
again and again and one of my greatest
again and again and one of my greatest regrets in life is that I never really
regrets in life is that I never really
regrets in life is that I never really learned Finnish well partly because
learned Finnish well partly because
learned Finnish well partly because there was so much to examine about the
there was so much to examine about the
there was so much to examine about the details of that crazy story but also to
details of that crazy story but also to
details of that crazy story but also to learn more about this land she called
learn more about this land she called
learn more about this land she called home but my mom did teach me one great
home but my mom did teach me one great
home but my mom did teach me one great Finnish word that I get to teach to you
Finnish word that I get to teach to you
Finnish word that I get to teach to you she slipped it to me like a secret a
she slipped it to me like a secret a
she slipped it to me like a secret a secret you now know are you ready for it
secret you now know are you ready for it
secret you now know are you ready for it okay
okay
okay the word is thistle can you say it you
the word is thistle can you say it you
the word is thistle can you say it you all speak Finnish beautifully now it’s
all speak Finnish beautifully now it’s
all speak Finnish beautifully now it’s one of those funny little words that
one of those funny little words that
one of those funny little words that doesn’t have an exact translation to our
doesn’t have an exact translation to our
doesn’t have an exact translation to our language but roughly translated it means
language but roughly translated it means
language but roughly translated it means guts or more like guts persistence in
guts or more like guts persistence in
guts or more like guts persistence in the face of impossible odds but what
the face of impossible odds but what
the face of impossible odds but what does that look like
does that look like
does that look like this is attack by Edward istil 1899 the
this is attack by Edward istil 1899 the
this is attack by Edward istil 1899 the heights of the Finnish Golden Age the
heights of the Finnish Golden Age the
heights of the Finnish Golden Age the girl is Finland the two-headed bird is
girl is Finland the two-headed bird is
girl is Finland the two-headed bird is Russia and that book they’re fighting
Russia and that book they’re fighting
Russia and that book they’re fighting over is books the Finland’s book of
over is books the Finland’s book of
over is books the Finland’s book of common law her very right to be Finland
common law her very right to be Finland
common law her very right to be Finland persisted and eventually won out against
persisted and eventually won out against
persisted and eventually won out against the impossible odds of her bigger
the impossible odds of her bigger
the impossible odds of her bigger Russian neighbor a fact which informed
Russian neighbor a fact which informed
Russian neighbor a fact which informed sis so to this day but now I look at
sis so to this day but now I look at
sis so to this day but now I look at that painting and I see myself holding
that painting and I see myself holding
that painting and I see myself holding on to my journal in the face of the
on to my journal in the face of the
on to my journal in the face of the two-headed eagle of sickness and
two-headed eagle of sickness and
two-headed eagle of sickness and suffering Sissel is something like a
suffering Sissel is something like a
suffering Sissel is something like a prayer to me something that I say to
prayer to me something that I say to
prayer to me something that I say to myself every day in my work don’t you
myself every day in my work don’t you
myself every day in my work don’t you try to take my journal away from me I
try to take my journal away from me I
try to take my journal away from me I feel honored to have the privilege of
feel honored to have the privilege of
feel honored to have the privilege of putting journals and the arts with the
putting journals and the arts with the
putting journals and the arts with the help of my esteemed colleagues to the
help of my esteemed colleagues to the
help of my esteemed colleagues to the service of people who may never have had
service of people who may never have had
service of people who may never have had time for such things before art is such
time for such things before art is such
time for such things before art is such a small word and yet it carries a lot of
a small word and yet it carries a lot of
a small word and yet it carries a lot of baggage in our culture today opera
baggage in our culture today opera
baggage in our culture today opera the wrong way it’s loaded with
the wrong way it’s loaded with
the wrong way it’s loaded with entitlement whereas illness is the equal
entitlement whereas illness is the equal
entitlement whereas illness is the equal opportunity destroyer so we take nothing
opportunity destroyer so we take nothing
opportunity destroyer so we take nothing for granted
for granted
for granted we know that the ability to read a poem
we know that the ability to read a poem
we know that the ability to read a poem we may put on the hospital wall is one
we may put on the hospital wall is one
we may put on the hospital wall is one that many in our community may not share
that many in our community may not share
that many in our community may not share folks already feel sick and scared they
folks already feel sick and scared they
folks already feel sick and scared they don’t want to feel dumb too
don’t want to feel dumb too
don’t want to feel dumb too but we also know that art offered with a
but we also know that art offered with a
but we also know that art offered with a genuine sense of welcome can communicate
genuine sense of welcome can communicate
genuine sense of welcome can communicate something beyond the limit of scientific
something beyond the limit of scientific
something beyond the limit of scientific measure there is no medical code for the
measure there is no medical code for the
measure there is no medical code for the human condition so much of our work
human condition so much of our work
human condition so much of our work together as a team is about searching
together as a team is about searching
together as a team is about searching for the simplest way in to offer an
for the simplest way in to offer an
for the simplest way in to offer an approach to arts that’s down-to-earth
approach to arts that’s down-to-earth
approach to arts that’s down-to-earth friendly and hopefully fun now the thing
friendly and hopefully fun now the thing
friendly and hopefully fun now the thing about getting someone to write is first
about getting someone to write is first
about getting someone to write is first you have to convince them that they have
you have to convince them that they have
you have to convince them that they have something to say and to do that you need
something to say and to do that you need
something to say and to do that you need to listen I listen all day to people who
to listen I listen all day to people who
to listen I listen all day to people who haven’t been given much of an audience
haven’t been given much of an audience
haven’t been given much of an audience before particularly up in our
before particularly up in our
before particularly up in our psychiatric ward one of my biggest hits
psychiatric ward one of my biggest hits
psychiatric ward one of my biggest hits up there is a little card game I’m a
up there is a little card game I’m a
up there is a little card game I’m a called count to three I pass out these
called count to three I pass out these
called count to three I pass out these handmade handwritten colorful cards with
handmade handwritten colorful cards with
handmade handwritten colorful cards with we lists of threes on them three things
we lists of threes on them three things
we lists of threes on them three things I love to wear three things I’m really
I love to wear three things I’m really
I love to wear three things I’m really good at or even three things that just
good at or even three things that just
good at or even three things that just really tick me off for some reason my
really tick me off for some reason my
really tick me off for some reason my fellow staff love that last one anyone
fellow staff love that last one anyone
fellow staff love that last one anyone can play if you’re manic three gives you
can play if you’re manic three gives you
can play if you’re manic three gives you a limit if you’re depressed three
a limit if you’re depressed three
a limit if you’re depressed three doesn’t seem too overwhelming to start
doesn’t seem too overwhelming to start
doesn’t seem too overwhelming to start and because all of the prompts are
and because all of the prompts are
and because all of the prompts are different the game encourages curiosity
different the game encourages curiosity
different the game encourages curiosity instead of competition patients love it
instead of competition patients love it
instead of competition patients love it and staff appreciate the way it helps
and staff appreciate the way it helps
and staff appreciate the way it helps them discover something they may not
them discover something they may not
them discover something they may not have realized about a patient before
have realized about a patient before
have realized about a patient before imagine the insight a psychiatrist at
imagine the insight a psychiatrist at
imagine the insight a psychiatrist at our table can get if say the very quiet
our table can get if say the very quiet
our table can get if say the very quiet and composed person who draws the trio
and composed person who draws the trio
and composed person who draws the trio three things I take out of my house if I
three things I take out of my house if I
three things I take out of my house if I needed to evacuate in an emergency
needed to evacuate in an emergency
needed to evacuate in an emergency answers without hesitation
answers without hesitation
answers without hesitation our survival backpacks our Bible and our
our survival backpacks our Bible and our
our survival backpacks our Bible and our gun that kind of unguarded and honest
gun that kind of unguarded and honest
gun that kind of unguarded and honest response can illuminate a person’s
response can illuminate a person’s
response can illuminate a person’s suffering and let us help better if we
suffering and let us help better if we
suffering and let us help better if we listen I realized that my approach to
listen I realized that my approach to
listen I realized that my approach to writing may seem unstudied
writing may seem unstudied
writing may seem unstudied but I hope it doesn’t strike you as glib
but I hope it doesn’t strike you as glib
but I hope it doesn’t strike you as glib in my experience even when facing
in my experience even when facing
in my experience even when facing life-threatening illness working on a
life-threatening illness working on a
life-threatening illness working on a human scale is vital the handmade
human scale is vital the handmade
human scale is vital the handmade and the colorful or life-affirming and
and the colorful or life-affirming and
and the colorful or life-affirming and they’re a total surprise in a hospital
they’re a total surprise in a hospital
they’re a total surprise in a hospital with so much beige when I open with a
with so much beige when I open with a
with so much beige when I open with a sense of humor it’s like checking for a
sense of humor it’s like checking for a
sense of humor it’s like checking for a pulse if you laugh I know two things you
pulse if you laugh I know two things you
pulse if you laugh I know two things you hear me and maybe you get me and we’ve
hear me and maybe you get me and we’ve
hear me and maybe you get me and we’ve got to start somewhere because when I
got to start somewhere because when I
got to start somewhere because when I walk into your hospital room it’s a
walk into your hospital room it’s a
walk into your hospital room it’s a little bit like I’m stepping onto a
little bit like I’m stepping onto a
little bit like I’m stepping onto a blank page I have no idea what your deal
blank page I have no idea what your deal
blank page I have no idea what your deal is most of the time diagnosis prognosis
is most of the time diagnosis prognosis
is most of the time diagnosis prognosis it’s not my role to know and you have
it’s not my role to know and you have
it’s not my role to know and you have that innocence between us the fact that
that innocence between us the fact that
that innocence between us the fact that we’re just two people in that moment
we’re just two people in that moment
we’re just two people in that moment instead of two strangers at the
instead of two strangers at the
instead of two strangers at the ever-moving line between the sick and
ever-moving line between the sick and
ever-moving line between the sick and the well relieves us both of the
the well relieves us both of the
the well relieves us both of the pressure to control the uncontrollable I
pressure to control the uncontrollable I
pressure to control the uncontrollable I believe that a sense of humor is the
believe that a sense of humor is the
believe that a sense of humor is the ability to tell what’s important from
ability to tell what’s important from
ability to tell what’s important from what’s not and the minute that goes look
what’s not and the minute that goes look
what’s not and the minute that goes look out in every TED talk there’s got to be
out in every TED talk there’s got to be
out in every TED talk there’s got to be a sciency part so here’s mine studies
a sciency part so here’s mine studies
a sciency part so here’s mine studies show that writing eases blood pressure
show that writing eases blood pressure
show that writing eases blood pressure increases improved lung and liver
increases improved lung and liver
increases improved lung and liver function eases pain increases the
function eases pain increases the
function eases pain increases the development of healthy T lymphocytes
development of healthy T lymphocytes
development of healthy T lymphocytes cells in your brain and helps you
cells in your brain and helps you
cells in your brain and helps you remember what to get at the grocery
remember what to get at the grocery
remember what to get at the grocery store it also gives you send a sense of
store it also gives you send a sense of
store it also gives you send a sense of accomplishment when my mother wrote beer
accomplishment when my mother wrote beer
accomplishment when my mother wrote beer cigarettes and half-and-half at the top
cigarettes and half-and-half at the top
cigarettes and half-and-half at the top of every page of her smokey little
of every page of her smokey little
of every page of her smokey little notebook it wasn’t because she’d ever
notebook it wasn’t because she’d ever
notebook it wasn’t because she’d ever forget such happy essentials it was
forget such happy essentials it was
forget such happy essentials it was because it gave her a sense of comfort
because it gave her a sense of comfort
because it gave her a sense of comfort and control in hospitals where a little
and control in hospitals where a little
and control in hospitals where a little can be said for comfort so much control
can be said for comfort so much control
can be said for comfort so much control is out of your hands and you surrender
is out of your hands and you surrender
is out of your hands and you surrender yourself absolutely to the goodwill of
yourself absolutely to the goodwill of
yourself absolutely to the goodwill of the staff receiving a little bit of
the staff receiving a little bit of
the staff receiving a little bit of roll back in the form of a journal is a
roll back in the form of a journal is a
roll back in the form of a journal is a powerful gift
powerful gift
powerful gift it says here’s something you can do now
it says here’s something you can do now
it says here’s something you can do now how many times have you been told you
how many times have you been told you
how many times have you been told you really should write your questions down
really should write your questions down
really should write your questions down for that skinny little 15-minute
for that skinny little 15-minute
for that skinny little 15-minute doctor’s visit but has anybody in the
doctor’s visit but has anybody in the
doctor’s visit but has anybody in the medical profession actually given you
medical profession actually given you
medical profession actually given you the stuff to do it giving a journal is
the stuff to do it giving a journal is
the stuff to do it giving a journal is also empowering to a patient it says
also empowering to a patient it says
also empowering to a patient it says here’s a way you can keep us accountable
here’s a way you can keep us accountable
here’s a way you can keep us accountable so instead of asking why a hospital
so instead of asking why a hospital
so instead of asking why a hospital should bother giving people the tools to
should bother giving people the tools to
should bother giving people the tools to write maybe the question should be why
write maybe the question should be why
write maybe the question should be why so many hospitals do not as far as the
so many hospitals do not as far as the
so many hospitals do not as far as the art part goes what to write about it’s
art part goes what to write about it’s
art part goes what to write about it’s never about the thing it’s about the
never about the thing it’s about the
never about the thing it’s about the connection over the thing the freedom
connection over the thing the freedom
connection over the thing the freedom through the thing to that end I learned
through the thing to that end I learned
through the thing to that end I learned early on in my work in the cancer ward
early on in my work in the cancer ward
early on in my work in the cancer ward that I had to be very careful about my
that I had to be very careful about my
that I had to be very careful about my choice of words about my thing if I
choice of words about my thing if I
choice of words about my thing if I walked into a room and said hey have you
walked into a room and said hey have you
walked into a room and said hey have you ever kept a journal the patient could
ever kept a journal the patient could
ever kept a journal the patient could grow quiet and wonder why oh is it like
grow quiet and wonder why oh is it like
grow quiet and wonder why oh is it like time for me to start writing my memoirs
time for me to start writing my memoirs
time for me to start writing my memoirs now oh my god I am so dying and they
now oh my god I am so dying and they
now oh my god I am so dying and they didn’t want to tell me and the thing is
didn’t want to tell me and the thing is
didn’t want to tell me and the thing is I don’t know that so sometimes I don’t
I don’t know that so sometimes I don’t
I don’t know that so sometimes I don’t even call it a journal it’s funny how
even call it a journal it’s funny how
even call it a journal it’s funny how the simplest word gets loaded the wrong
the simplest word gets loaded the wrong
the simplest word gets loaded the wrong way depending on the room I’ll say hey
way depending on the room I’ll say hey
way depending on the room I’ll say hey you know that feeling when you remember
you know that feeling when you remember
you know that feeling when you remember exactly what you wanted to ask the
exactly what you wanted to ask the
exactly what you wanted to ask the doctor or nurse is stuck if they’re out
doctor or nurse is stuck if they’re out
doctor or nurse is stuck if they’re out of the room totally
of the room totally
of the room totally here’s a place for you to write that
here’s a place for you to write that
here’s a place for you to write that down how are you today and that last
down how are you today and that last
down how are you today and that last word today is important it’s all we have
word today is important it’s all we have
word today is important it’s all we have and it keeps us mortal and in the moment
and it keeps us mortal and in the moment
and it keeps us mortal and in the moment our patients and their loved ones face
our patients and their loved ones face
our patients and their loved ones face serious problems but still even in a
serious problems but still even in a
serious problems but still even in a hospital where that today is everybody’s
hospital where that today is everybody’s
hospital where that today is everybody’s worst day every day I’ve learned that
worst day every day I’ve learned that
worst day every day I’ve learned that it’s okay to find a playful approach to
it’s okay to find a playful approach to
it’s okay to find a playful approach to put words to the unspeakable so
put words to the unspeakable so
put words to the unspeakable so sometimes in my cancer center writing
sometimes in my cancer center writing
sometimes in my cancer center writing group I’ll even get people to use a word
group I’ll even get people to use a word
group I’ll even get people to use a word from a foreign language in a sentence
from a foreign language in a sentence
from a foreign language in a sentence there’s no risk of failure because
there’s no risk of failure because
there’s no risk of failure because nobody knows what this word is and they
nobody knows what this word is and they
nobody knows what this word is and they have never seen it before and what
have never seen it before and what
have never seen it before and what my favorite words for this game is
my favorite words for this game is
my favorite words for this game is Coomer spec that’s German for weight
Coomer spec that’s German for weight
Coomer spec that’s German for weight gain
gain
gain due to emotional eating literally
due to emotional eating literally
due to emotional eating literally translated grief bacon the person who
translated grief bacon the person who
translated grief bacon the person who drew this card wrote after the divorce
drew this card wrote after the divorce
drew this card wrote after the divorce she became somewhat koomer spec now even
she became somewhat koomer spec now even
she became somewhat koomer spec now even though the Germans have been said to
though the Germans have been said to
though the Germans have been said to have a word for everything the truth is
have a word for everything the truth is
have a word for everything the truth is that we all struggle to find the right
that we all struggle to find the right
that we all struggle to find the right words at times I remember when my mom
words at times I remember when my mom
words at times I remember when my mom got a diagnosis that went from bad to
got a diagnosis that went from bad to
got a diagnosis that went from bad to worse mumps appeared all over her body
worse mumps appeared all over her body
worse mumps appeared all over her body her leg her back the top of her head the
her leg her back the top of her head the
her leg her back the top of her head the doctor called me at home to make sure
doctor called me at home to make sure
doctor called me at home to make sure that I understood what was happening I’m
that I understood what was happening I’m
that I understood what was happening I’m so sorry
so sorry
so sorry she said but the cancer has exploded
she said but the cancer has exploded
she said but the cancer has exploded then her pager went off
then her pager went off
then her pager went off she made her apologies she had to take
she made her apologies she had to take
she made her apologies she had to take another call the doctor called again the
another call the doctor called again the
another call the doctor called again the next day to make sure that I understood
next day to make sure that I understood
next day to make sure that I understood but this time she used different words
but this time she used different words
but this time she used different words I’m so sorry
I’m so sorry
I’m so sorry she said but the cancer has blossomed I
never saw flowers again the same way but
never saw flowers again the same way but these days now that I work in a hospital
these days now that I work in a hospital
these days now that I work in a hospital alongside staff working so hard to ease
alongside staff working so hard to ease
alongside staff working so hard to ease pain and suffering I feel for that
pain and suffering I feel for that
pain and suffering I feel for that doctor she was reaching for words that
doctor she was reaching for words that
doctor she was reaching for words that work that would make everything hurt a
work that would make everything hurt a
work that would make everything hurt a little less and in her sincere effort
little less and in her sincere effort
little less and in her sincere effort you know she just tried a little too
you know she just tried a little too
you know she just tried a little too hard and flowers were it ruined for me I
hard and flowers were it ruined for me I
hard and flowers were it ruined for me I sincerely hope they are not ruined for
sincerely hope they are not ruined for
sincerely hope they are not ruined for you I just see them now as I do all
you I just see them now as I do all
you I just see them now as I do all words after that experience with a
words after that experience with a
words after that experience with a healthy respect for their potential
healthy respect for their potential
healthy respect for their potential words and language became even more
words and language became even more
words and language became even more important to me when we planned my mom’s
important to me when we planned my mom’s
important to me when we planned my mom’s trip home to Finland more than anything
trip home to Finland more than anything
trip home to Finland more than anything she wanted to go and pick wild
she wanted to go and pick wild
she wanted to go and pick wild blueberries in July now my mom raised me
blueberries in July now my mom raised me
blueberries in July now my mom raised me to be an obsessive list maker just like
to be an obsessive list maker just like
to be an obsessive list maker just like her so my journal was totally full of
her so my journal was totally full of
her so my journal was totally full of notes of what to pack the bendy straws
notes of what to pack the bendy straws
notes of what to pack the bendy straws we would need for my mom to be propped
we would need for my mom to be propped
we would need for my mom to be propped up in bed to sip coffee
up in bed to sip coffee
up in bed to sip coffee the portable oxygen concentrator we had
the portable oxygen concentrator we had
the portable oxygen concentrator we had shipped from Wyoming the letter to TSA
shipped from Wyoming the letter to TSA
shipped from Wyoming the letter to TSA from the doctor explaining why I was
from the doctor explaining why I was
from the doctor explaining why I was carrying so much morphine three days
carrying so much morphine three days
carrying so much morphine three days after we landed we were checking into a
after we landed we were checking into a
after we landed we were checking into a hospital my family shock was obvious she
hospital my family shock was obvious she
hospital my family shock was obvious she told him that she was sick but she had
told him that she was sick but she had
told him that she was sick but she had left out the lung cancer part I reported
left out the lung cancer part I reported
left out the lung cancer part I reported to the doctor a case of too much sisal
few of my mom’s nurses spoke any English
few of my mom’s nurses spoke any English so I got out my journal and a 20 year
so I got out my journal and a 20 year
so I got out my journal and a 20 year old phrase book and I tried to write my
old phrase book and I tried to write my
old phrase book and I tried to write my questions down in Finnish a famously
questions down in Finnish a famously
questions down in Finnish a famously impenetrable language my questions had
impenetrable language my questions had
impenetrable language my questions had to sound like crazy talk to the
to sound like crazy talk to the
to sound like crazy talk to the well-meaning staff piece death not
well-meaning staff piece death not
well-meaning staff piece death not happen no pain myth and lie morphine
happen no pain myth and lie morphine
happen no pain myth and lie morphine expensive then my mom had difficulty
expensive then my mom had difficulty
expensive then my mom had difficulty talking and words stopped working for us
talking and words stopped working for us
talking and words stopped working for us both I asked my mom if she’d like to see
both I asked my mom if she’d like to see
both I asked my mom if she’d like to see the hospital chaplain
the hospital chaplain
the hospital chaplain she drew my hands to her face I think
she drew my hands to her face I think
she drew my hands to her face I think that meant yes but when the priest
that meant yes but when the priest
that meant yes but when the priest walked in the room he looked so serious
walked in the room he looked so serious
walked in the room he looked so serious you know like with the neck thing and my
you know like with the neck thing and my
you know like with the neck thing and my mom looked so scared I thought maybe I’d
mom looked so scared I thought maybe I’d
mom looked so scared I thought maybe I’d read her wrong but then he did something
read her wrong but then he did something
read her wrong but then he did something absolutely brilliant he reached into his
absolutely brilliant he reached into his
absolutely brilliant he reached into his bag and he pulled out two Bibles one in
bag and he pulled out two Bibles one in
bag and he pulled out two Bibles one in Finnish one in English these were words
Finnish one in English these were words
Finnish one in English these were words that could work we weren’t sure that she
that could work we weren’t sure that she
that could work we weren’t sure that she was sure where she was anymore because
was sure where she was anymore because
was sure where she was anymore because after a while all hospital rooms kind of
after a while all hospital rooms kind of
after a while all hospital rooms kind of look the same so we turn to the same
look the same so we turn to the same
look the same so we turn to the same verses and read them in tandem just to
verses and read them in tandem just to
verses and read them in tandem just to cover all of our bases Hera cool em in
cover all of our bases Hera cool em in
cover all of our bases Hera cool em in our walk up cine
our walk up cine
our walk up cine you’re unknown who thought he took a
you’re unknown who thought he took a
you’re unknown who thought he took a stola Lord hear my prayer I lie awake I
stola Lord hear my prayer I lie awake I
stola Lord hear my prayer I lie awake I have become as a bird alone on a roof he
have become as a bird alone on a roof he
have become as a bird alone on a roof he couldn’t speak English I couldn’t speak
couldn’t speak English I couldn’t speak
couldn’t speak English I couldn’t speak Finnish and mom just couldn’t speak but
Finnish and mom just couldn’t speak but
Finnish and mom just couldn’t speak but that man’s act of kindness put all three
that man’s act of kindness put all three
that man’s act of kindness put all three of us together in the human condition
of us together in the human condition
of us together in the human condition the verses don’t matter please friends
the verses don’t matter please friends
the verses don’t matter please friends understand me on this he could have
understand me on this he could have
understand me on this he could have pulled out two copies of the town hood
pulled out two copies of the town hood
pulled out two copies of the town hood two copies of the Quran or two copies of
two copies of the Quran or two copies of
two copies of the Quran or two copies of on the road by Jack Kerouac it’s never
on the road by Jack Kerouac it’s never
on the road by Jack Kerouac it’s never about the thing right it’s about the
about the thing right it’s about the
about the thing right it’s about the connection we make of ourselves through
connection we make of ourselves through
connection we make of ourselves through the thing that man’s act of kindness
the thing that man’s act of kindness
the thing that man’s act of kindness paid such honor to a trip that was so
paid such honor to a trip that was so
paid such honor to a trip that was so important to this woman looking back
important to this woman looking back
important to this woman looking back that trip was full of impossible odds
that trip was full of impossible odds
that trip was full of impossible odds but my mom made her lists
but my mom made her lists
but my mom made her lists she decided what was important to her
she decided what was important to her
she decided what was important to her and she died in Finland with a blueberry
and she died in Finland with a blueberry
and she died in Finland with a blueberry stain on her lips
when I took this job I wondered how I
when I took this job I wondered how I could possibly be a service to the sick
could possibly be a service to the sick
could possibly be a service to the sick if I couldn’t make them well I even
if I couldn’t make them well I even
if I couldn’t make them well I even wondered what am I doing here but that
wondered what am I doing here but that
wondered what am I doing here but that experience taught me that sometimes
experience taught me that sometimes
experience taught me that sometimes working with the tools you have and
working with the tools you have and
working with the tools you have and being present is more than enough so now
being present is more than enough so now
being present is more than enough so now I do this with what I have today
I do this with what I have today
I do this with what I have today journals having a journal is a powerful
journals having a journal is a powerful
journals having a journal is a powerful way to take back some control in an
way to take back some control in an
way to take back some control in an uncontrollable situation you may feel
uncontrollable situation you may feel
uncontrollable situation you may feel completely surrendered to the staff but
completely surrendered to the staff but
completely surrendered to the staff but your own hand across the page is a
your own hand across the page is a
your own hand across the page is a tactile reminder of your own right to be
tactile reminder of your own right to be
tactile reminder of your own right to be I wish you all health and wellness but I
I wish you all health and wellness but I
I wish you all health and wellness but I see you in our Hospital please know when
see you in our Hospital please know when
see you in our Hospital please know when I offer you a journal I’m not asking you
I offer you a journal I’m not asking you
I offer you a journal I’m not asking you to write for me I’m asking you to write
to write for me I’m asking you to write
to write for me I’m asking you to write for you thank you
for you thank you
for you thank you [Applause]
”
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