when I was a kid I had an imagination that was truly one-of-a-kind truly
that was truly one-of-a-kind truly
that was truly one-of-a-kind truly one-of-a-kind I love to play
one-of-a-kind I love to play
one-of-a-kind I love to play make-believe and my favorite thing to
make-believe and my favorite thing to
make-believe and my favorite thing to pretend to be was an adult I kid you not
pretend to be was an adult I kid you not
pretend to be was an adult I kid you not I love doing things like checking the
I love doing things like checking the
I love doing things like checking the mail because in my mind every time an
mail because in my mind every time an
mail because in my mind every time an adult’s received a letter in the mail it
adult’s received a letter in the mail it
adult’s received a letter in the mail it was a check the postal workers were just
was a check the postal workers were just
was a check the postal workers were just Santa’s elves for adults delivering
Santa’s elves for adults delivering
Santa’s elves for adults delivering money daily on a door-to-door basis when
money daily on a door-to-door basis when
money daily on a door-to-door basis when I was lucky enough to swindle my
I was lucky enough to swindle my
I was lucky enough to swindle my brothers or my cousin’s into playing
brothers or my cousin’s into playing
brothers or my cousin’s into playing make-believe with me my favorite thing
make-believe with me my favorite thing
make-believe with me my favorite thing to play was school I was a teacher and I
to play was school I was a teacher and I
to play was school I was a teacher and I had the works
had the works
had the works I had a chalkboard I had lesson plans
I had a chalkboard I had lesson plans
I had a chalkboard I had lesson plans and I even had assignments which may or
and I even had assignments which may or
and I even had assignments which may or may not have had to be completed before
may not have had to be completed before
may not have had to be completed before anyone could go outside or watch TV now
anyone could go outside or watch TV now
anyone could go outside or watch TV now I think we’ve worked through this by now
I think we’ve worked through this by now
I think we’ve worked through this by now but guys in the event that there are any
but guys in the event that there are any
but guys in the event that there are any unresolved issues consider this my
unresolved issues consider this my
unresolved issues consider this my public apology when I wasn’t so lucky or
public apology when I wasn’t so lucky or
public apology when I wasn’t so lucky or when they were tired of being tortured
when they were tired of being tortured
when they were tired of being tortured by me I was okay with playing by myself
by me I was okay with playing by myself
by me I was okay with playing by myself on Saturday mornings I would get up get
on Saturday mornings I would get up get
on Saturday mornings I would get up get dressed grab my Cabbage Patch doll get
dressed grab my Cabbage Patch doll get
dressed grab my Cabbage Patch doll get her dress and then March my way
her dress and then March my way
her dress and then March my way downstairs and play grocery shopping in
downstairs and play grocery shopping in
downstairs and play grocery shopping in our kitchen I grabbed canned goods of
our kitchen I grabbed canned goods of
our kitchen I grabbed canned goods of different shapes and sizes and bag them
different shapes and sizes and bag them
different shapes and sizes and bag them up and then head outside to load them in
up and then head outside to load them in
up and then head outside to load them in the trunk of my dad’s 1996 Chevy Corsica
the trunk of my dad’s 1996 Chevy Corsica
the trunk of my dad’s 1996 Chevy Corsica I throw my baby in the backseat and then
I throw my baby in the backseat and then
I throw my baby in the backseat and then I’d hop in the front seat and pretend to
I’d hop in the front seat and pretend to
I’d hop in the front seat and pretend to drive to pick up my make-believe husband
drive to pick up my make-believe husband
drive to pick up my make-believe husband from his make-believe job and then we go
from his make-believe job and then we go
from his make-believe job and then we go to our make-believe house ours I go in
to our make-believe house ours I go in
to our make-believe house ours I go in and out up and down and entertain myself
and out up and down and entertain myself
and out up and down and entertain myself doing this for hours
doing this for hours
doing this for hours life was so simple back then fast
life was so simple back then fast
life was so simple back then fast forward to a few years ago a huge fast
forward to a few years ago a huge fast
forward to a few years ago a huge fast forward and
forward and
forward and working in education and realizing that
working in education and realizing that
working in education and realizing that life isn’t quite that simple I’m having
life isn’t quite that simple I’m having
life isn’t quite that simple I’m having a hard time paying all my bills speaking
a hard time paying all my bills speaking
a hard time paying all my bills speaking of which I’m now avoiding checking the
of which I’m now avoiding checking the
of which I’m now avoiding checking the mail because I hardly ever receive any
mail because I hardly ever receive any
mail because I hardly ever receive any money but I am sure to find one of three
money but I am sure to find one of three
money but I am sure to find one of three things without fail bills bid Bath and
things without fail bills bid Bath and
things without fail bills bid Bath and Beyond coupons because even they know I
Beyond coupons because even they know I
Beyond coupons because even they know I can’t afford to shop there and it toss
can’t afford to shop there and it toss
can’t afford to shop there and it toss up in between wedding and baby shower
up in between wedding and baby shower
up in between wedding and baby shower invitations I also hate grocery shopping
invitations I also hate grocery shopping
invitations I also hate grocery shopping and I’ve been in enough near-death car
and I’ve been in enough near-death car
and I’ve been in enough near-death car accidents where I could take or leave
accidents where I could take or leave
accidents where I could take or leave driving and to top it all off I was
driving and to top it all off I was
driving and to top it all off I was still playing make-believe spending way
still playing make-believe spending way
still playing make-believe spending way too much time waiting in the gray area
too much time waiting in the gray area
too much time waiting in the gray area with guys convincing myself that things
with guys convincing myself that things
with guys convincing myself that things were more than they actually were I
were more than they actually were I
were more than they actually were I remember crying myself to sleep on the
remember crying myself to sleep on the
remember crying myself to sleep on the night of my 28th birthday I just found
night of my 28th birthday I just found
night of my 28th birthday I just found out that the guy that I have been seeing
out that the guy that I have been seeing
out that the guy that I have been seeing that he not only had been seeing someone
that he not only had been seeing someone
that he not only had been seeing someone else
else
else but had been in a relationship the
but had been in a relationship the
but had been in a relationship the entire time that was the tip of the
entire time that was the tip of the
entire time that was the tip of the iceberg I was settling and I was upset
iceberg I was settling and I was upset
iceberg I was settling and I was upset because the life that I had been
because the life that I had been
because the life that I had been settling for it was starting to crumble
settling for it was starting to crumble
settling for it was starting to crumble and I had no control this was not the
and I had no control this was not the
and I had no control this was not the plan how did I get here
plan how did I get here
plan how did I get here my expectations by definition
my expectations by definition
my expectations by definition expectation is the belief that someone
expectation is the belief that someone
expectation is the belief that someone will or should accomplish something from
will or should accomplish something from
will or should accomplish something from childhood I had an expectation of how my
childhood I had an expectation of how my
childhood I had an expectation of how my life would go when I insert my 20s I had
life would go when I insert my 20s I had
life would go when I insert my 20s I had an expectation that by the time I turn
an expectation that by the time I turn
an expectation that by the time I turn 30
30
30 I will be married to my college
I will be married to my college
I will be married to my college sweetheart have my dream job in car and
sweetheart have my dream job in car and
sweetheart have my dream job in car and live a lavish life with my girls by my
live a lavish life with my girls by my
live a lavish life with my girls by my side at this point I was only two years
side at this point I was only two years
side at this point I was only two years away from 30 and I was single with no
away from 30 and I was single with no
away from 30 and I was single with no prospects I was working in a field
prospects I was working in a field
prospects I was working in a field I swore I’d stay away from working
I swore I’d stay away from working
I swore I’d stay away from working part-time at j.crew so I could actually
part-time at j.crew so I could actually
part-time at j.crew so I could actually afford to wear their clothes and
afford to wear their clothes and
afford to wear their clothes and grieving the loss of friendships that I
grieving the loss of friendships that I
grieving the loss of friendships that I thought would last forever for months I
thought would last forever for months I
thought would last forever for months I went through waves of depression I was
went through waves of depression I was
went through waves of depression I was disappointed I was insecure and
disappointed I was insecure and
disappointed I was insecure and overwhelmed because I had an expectation
overwhelmed because I had an expectation
overwhelmed because I had an expectation that life would be different you see I
that life would be different you see I
that life would be different you see I was constantly comparing my life
was constantly comparing my life
was constantly comparing my life timeline to my social media timeline
timeline to my social media timeline
timeline to my social media timeline always falling short to my peers who
always falling short to my peers who
always falling short to my peers who were constantly posting statuses of
were constantly posting statuses of
were constantly posting statuses of engagements hash tag is the fiance
engagements hash tag is the fiance
engagements hash tag is the fiance buying homes hash tag major moves
buying homes hash tag major moves
buying homes hash tag major moves getting dream jobs hash tag boss life
getting dream jobs hash tag boss life
getting dream jobs hash tag boss life and having babies hash tag baby makes
and having babies hash tag baby makes
and having babies hash tag baby makes three but then something happened and
three but then something happened and
three but then something happened and everything changed in July of that year
everything changed in July of that year
everything changed in July of that year just four months after my 28th birthday
just four months after my 28th birthday
just four months after my 28th birthday Sandra bland lost her life we were the
Sandra bland lost her life we were the
Sandra bland lost her life we were the same age we were the same age
same age we were the same age
same age we were the same age I remember reading article after article
I remember reading article after article
I remember reading article after article about how full of life she was and how
about how full of life she was and how
about how full of life she was and how excited she was to finally start a new
excited she was to finally start a new
excited she was to finally start a new position not knowing that she would
position not knowing that she would
position not knowing that she would never make it to her start date in
never make it to her start date in
never make it to her start date in August chills
August chills
August chills I had chills thinking about the fact
I had chills thinking about the fact
I had chills thinking about the fact that she had never gotten married had
that she had never gotten married had
that she had never gotten married had never turned 30 had never made it into
never turned 30 had never made it into
never turned 30 had never made it into her career and she never would that year
her career and she never would that year
her career and she never would that year at 28 I learned the significance of
at 28 I learned the significance of
at 28 I learned the significance of being grateful you see the thing about
being grateful you see the thing about
being grateful you see the thing about expectation is that sometimes it
expectation is that sometimes it
expectation is that sometimes it distracts us from paying attention to
distracts us from paying attention to
distracts us from paying attention to the things that are actually important
the things that are actually important
the things that are actually important on New Year’s Eve of 2015 I made a
on New Year’s Eve of 2015 I made a
on New Year’s Eve of 2015 I made a decision that I would not enter the year
decision that I would not enter the year
decision that I would not enter the year filling any other emotion but gratitude
filling any other emotion but gratitude
filling any other emotion but gratitude I decided to start a gratitude jar
I decided to start a gratitude jar
I decided to start a gratitude jar everyday I would jot down a note of
everyday I would jot down a note of
everyday I would jot down a note of things and drop it into a jar on the
things and drop it into a jar on the
things and drop it into a jar on the outside of that jar
outside of that jar
outside of that jar I had a scripture from Psalm 103 that
I had a scripture from Psalm 103 that
I had a scripture from Psalm 103 that read may I never forget the good things
read may I never forget the good things
read may I never forget the good things that he does for me he fills my life
that he does for me he fills my life
that he does for me he fills my life with good things day after day for 365
with good things day after day for 365
with good things day after day for 365 days I was able to practically see that
days I was able to practically see that
days I was able to practically see that scripture come to life
scripture come to life
scripture come to life gratitude became the chaser
gratitude became the chaser
gratitude became the chaser that helped to soothe the sting of
that helped to soothe the sting of
that helped to soothe the sting of disappointment on my 29th birthday I
disappointment on my 29th birthday I
disappointment on my 29th birthday I decided to stop regretting the lessons
decided to stop regretting the lessons
decided to stop regretting the lessons the experiences that I had from my 20s
the experiences that I had from my 20s
the experiences that I had from my 20s and I just wanted to look for the
and I just wanted to look for the
and I just wanted to look for the lessons I decided to write a list a very
lessons I decided to write a list a very
lessons I decided to write a list a very long list of lessons that I have learned
long list of lessons that I have learned
long list of lessons that I have learned in my 20s some of my hardest moments
in my 20s some of my hardest moments
in my 20s some of my hardest moments taught me some of my most cherished
taught me some of my most cherished
taught me some of my most cherished lessons it was in my 20s that I learned
lessons it was in my 20s that I learned
lessons it was in my 20s that I learned that you either let go or prepare to be
that you either let go or prepare to be
that you either let go or prepare to be dragged
I learned that loyalty to anyone should
I learned that loyalty to anyone should never come at the cost of betrayal to
never come at the cost of betrayal to
never come at the cost of betrayal to myself I learned to lead people better
myself I learned to lead people better
myself I learned to lead people better than I found them I learned that
than I found them I learned that
than I found them I learned that self-love is essential and self-care is
self-love is essential and self-care is
self-love is essential and self-care is a spiritual act
a spiritual act
a spiritual act I learned to bloom wherever I’m planted
I learned to bloom wherever I’m planted
I learned to bloom wherever I’m planted and one of my least favorite one of my
and one of my least favorite one of my
and one of my least favorite one of my least favorite professors taught me one
least favorite professors taught me one
least favorite professors taught me one of my most cherished lessons Sankofa so
of my most cherished lessons Sankofa so
of my most cherished lessons Sankofa so go back and fetch it it’s the idea that
go back and fetch it it’s the idea that
go back and fetch it it’s the idea that there’s wisdom and learning from your
there’s wisdom and learning from your
there’s wisdom and learning from your past in order to move forward with your
past in order to move forward with your
past in order to move forward with your future as I got closer and closer to 30
future as I got closer and closer to 30
future as I got closer and closer to 30 I became excited because this was going
I became excited because this was going
I became excited because this was going to be a fresh start I have learned so
to be a fresh start I have learned so
to be a fresh start I have learned so many lessons in my 20s that I was ready
many lessons in my 20s that I was ready
many lessons in my 20s that I was ready to hop right on into my 30s on the day
to hop right on into my 30s on the day
to hop right on into my 30s on the day after my 30th birthday I wrote a prayer
after my 30th birthday I wrote a prayer
after my 30th birthday I wrote a prayer thanking God for another year of life as
thanking God for another year of life as
thanking God for another year of life as I was writing a scripture from Luke 5
I was writing a scripture from Luke 5
I was writing a scripture from Luke 5 came to mind unless a seed falls down to
came to mind unless a seed falls down to
came to mind unless a seed falls down to the ground and dies it remains just a
the ground and dies it remains just a
the ground and dies it remains just a single seed that scripture really
single seed that scripture really
single seed that scripture really focuses on the fact that we have to let
focuses on the fact that we have to let
focuses on the fact that we have to let go of our idea of life in order to
go of our idea of life in order to
go of our idea of life in order to experience the fullness that happens
experience the fullness that happens
experience the fullness that happens only when we surrender I vowed that for
only when we surrender I vowed that for
only when we surrender I vowed that for the year of 30 I would take a 52 week
the year of 30 I would take a 52 week
the year of 30 I would take a 52 week challenge of practicing gratitude and
challenge of practicing gratitude and
challenge of practicing gratitude and faith I became hopeful because it was
faith I became hopeful because it was
faith I became hopeful because it was clear that the more than I let go of my
clear that the more than I let go of my
clear that the more than I let go of my expectations and just focus on managing
expectations and just focus on managing
expectations and just focus on managing what I have been trusted with more will
what I have been trusted with more will
what I have been trusted with more will come my way in fact better will come my
come my way in fact better will come my
come my way in fact better will come my way for the past 24 weeks I found
way for the past 24 weeks I found
way for the past 24 weeks I found inspiration and everything from the
inspiration and everything from the
inspiration and everything from the Bible to Beyonce each week I create a
Bible to Beyonce each week I create a
Bible to Beyonce each week I create a hash tag of my own to remind myself that
hash tag of my own to remind myself that
hash tag of my own to remind myself that there are no timelines or comparison
there are no timelines or comparison
there are no timelines or comparison this life was created specific
this life was created specific
this life was created specific for me both for good and the bad times
for me both for good and the bad times
for me both for good and the bad times there was week two when I started to
there was week two when I started to
there was week two when I started to fool down about the dating scene and I
fool down about the dating scene and I
fool down about the dating scene and I had to remind myself hashtag
had to remind myself hashtag
had to remind myself hashtag know yourself know your worth there was
know yourself know your worth there was
know yourself know your worth there was week seven when I decided to step out on
week seven when I decided to step out on
week seven when I decided to step out on faith and present an idea that I have
faith and present an idea that I have
faith and present an idea that I have been sitting on since high school
been sitting on since high school
been sitting on since high school hashtag grinds a lot on it Thank You
hashtag grinds a lot on it Thank You
hashtag grinds a lot on it Thank You queen bee
queen bee
queen bee there was week 11 when the plans for
there was week 11 when the plans for
there was week 11 when the plans for that idea
that idea
that idea fell through and I had to pray to God
fell through and I had to pray to God
fell through and I had to pray to God for peace to accept the things that I
for peace to accept the things that I
for peace to accept the things that I cannot change and courage to change the
cannot change and courage to change the
cannot change and courage to change the things that I can hashtag serenity
things that I can hashtag serenity
things that I can hashtag serenity prayer
prayer
prayer there was week 19 when I realized that
there was week 19 when I realized that
there was week 19 when I realized that God had delivered the answer to my
God had delivered the answer to my
God had delivered the answer to my prayers and a guy someone who was
prayers and a guy someone who was
prayers and a guy someone who was easygoing and completely unfazed by my
easygoing and completely unfazed by my
easygoing and completely unfazed by my adorkable ways and he is
adorkable ways and he is
adorkable ways and he is hashtag easy like Sunday morning there
hashtag easy like Sunday morning there
hashtag easy like Sunday morning there was week 22 when I started to question
was week 22 when I started to question
was week 22 when I started to question if I was qualified or even adult enough
if I was qualified or even adult enough
if I was qualified or even adult enough to stand up here on this stage hashtag
to stand up here on this stage hashtag
to stand up here on this stage hashtag don’t just talk the talk don’t get me
don’t just talk the talk don’t get me
don’t just talk the talk don’t get me wrong I have moments where I question if
wrong I have moments where I question if
wrong I have moments where I question if I’m doing this whole thing right with 30
I’m doing this whole thing right with 30
I’m doing this whole thing right with 30 comes a whole new series of struggles I
comes a whole new series of struggles I
comes a whole new series of struggles I literally have days where I sit at work
literally have days where I sit at work
literally have days where I sit at work and I question it’s very great area
and I question it’s very great area
and I question it’s very great area between winning and losing I don’t think
between winning and losing I don’t think
between winning and losing I don’t think I’m losing but this doesn’t quite feel
I’m losing but this doesn’t quite feel
I’m losing but this doesn’t quite feel like winning in all of this I’m learning
like winning in all of this I’m learning
like winning in all of this I’m learning what it means to be vulnerable I’m
what it means to be vulnerable I’m
what it means to be vulnerable I’m choosing to be honest about the fact
choosing to be honest about the fact
choosing to be honest about the fact that I’m doing the best that I can with
that I’m doing the best that I can with
that I’m doing the best that I can with what I have I choose to be open about my
what I have I choose to be open about my
what I have I choose to be open about my insecurities my failures disappointments
insecurities my failures disappointments
insecurities my failures disappointments and my constant need to reset my
and my constant need to reset my
and my constant need to reset my expectations so much so that that
expectations so much so that that
expectations so much so that that vulnerability and that surrender has
vulnerability and that surrender has
vulnerability and that surrender has brought me here today
brought me here today
brought me here today with you all and the opportunity to
with you all and the opportunity to
with you all and the opportunity to challenge you all to just give up let’s
challenge you all to just give up let’s
challenge you all to just give up let’s all give up our idea of how life should
all give up our idea of how life should
all give up our idea of how life should have gone or should have been and
have gone or should have been and
have gone or should have been and surrender to the life that’s waiting for
surrender to the life that’s waiting for
surrender to the life that’s waiting for us as we all try to figure this adulting
us as we all try to figure this adulting
us as we all try to figure this adulting thing out let’s be grateful for the
thing out let’s be grateful for the
thing out let’s be grateful for the things that we have experienced hopeful
things that we have experienced hopeful
things that we have experienced hopeful for what’s yet to come and vulnerable
for what’s yet to come and vulnerable
for what’s yet to come and vulnerable about the hiccups in between and with
about the hiccups in between and with
about the hiccups in between and with that I leave you guys in the middle of
that I leave you guys in the middle of
that I leave you guys in the middle of week 25 with hashtag Cinco fuh thank you
week 25 with hashtag Cinco fuh thank you
week 25 with hashtag Cinco fuh thank you [Applause]
”
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