good evening everyone my name is Melissa Centeno
Centeno
Centeno I am a corporate attorney I am a
I am a corporate attorney I am a
I am a corporate attorney I am a graduate of UCLA and of UC Berkeley
graduate of UCLA and of UC Berkeley
graduate of UCLA and of UC Berkeley School of Law I am a state delegate for
School of Law I am a state delegate for
School of Law I am a state delegate for my district and I’m a commissioner for
my district and I’m a commissioner for
my district and I’m a commissioner for Los Angeles County but before all of
Los Angeles County but before all of
Los Angeles County but before all of this I am a Latina I’m a child of
this I am a Latina I’m a child of
this I am a Latina I’m a child of immigrant parents I came from a
immigrant parents I came from a
immigrant parents I came from a low-income household statistically
low-income household statistically
low-income household statistically speaking I’m everything that I’m not
speaking I’m everything that I’m not
speaking I’m everything that I’m not supposed to be right now
supposed to be right now
supposed to be right now I am the 1% and I do not mean the 1% of
I am the 1% and I do not mean the 1% of
I am the 1% and I do not mean the 1% of Americans that hold the majority of
Americans that hold the majority of
Americans that hold the majority of wealth in our nation I mean next slide
wealth in our nation I mean next slide
wealth in our nation I mean next slide please
please
please the 1.3 percent of attorneys that are
the 1.3 percent of attorneys that are
the 1.3 percent of attorneys that are latina thanks to my education and to the
latina thanks to my education and to the
latina thanks to my education and to the things that my parents did correctly I
things that my parents did correctly I
things that my parents did correctly I get to be here tonight in front of you
get to be here tonight in front of you
get to be here tonight in front of you an empowered person somebody that can
an empowered person somebody that can
an empowered person somebody that can articulate my struggles and my journey
articulate my struggles and my journey
articulate my struggles and my journey and that has an opportunity to pave a
and that has an opportunity to pave a
and that has an opportunity to pave a path for those that I love for my family
path for those that I love for my family
path for those that I love for my family and for my community now I would like to
and for my community now I would like to
and for my community now I would like to talk to you tonight about the things
talk to you tonight about the things
talk to you tonight about the things that have helped or hurt me along my way
that have helped or hurt me along my way
that have helped or hurt me along my way I could stand up here and talk to you
I could stand up here and talk to you
I could stand up here and talk to you about GPAs about entrance exams and
about GPAs about entrance exams and
about GPAs about entrance exams and putting together the most competitive
putting together the most competitive
putting together the most competitive application for college but I want to
application for college but I want to
application for college but I want to talk about something more personal
talk about something more personal
talk about something more personal something a little harder to talk about
something a little harder to talk about
something a little harder to talk about and possibly even uncomfortable I want
and possibly even uncomfortable I want
and possibly even uncomfortable I want to talk about emotional intimacy between
to talk about emotional intimacy between
to talk about emotional intimacy between parents and children and how it impacts
parents and children and how it impacts
parents and children and how it impacts their ability to succeed not only in
their ability to succeed not only in
their ability to succeed not only in school but in life the old method
school but in life the old method
school but in life the old method teaches us that parents need to push the
teaches us that parents need to push the
teaches us that parents need to push the kids – what they should be doing
kids – what they should be doing
kids – what they should be doing sometimes even smothering them in
sometimes even smothering them in
sometimes even smothering them in academics in sports and music while at
academics in sports and music while at
academics in sports and music while at the same time inadvertently leaving them
the same time inadvertently leaving them
the same time inadvertently leaving them woefully underprepared for the mental
woefully underprepared for the mental
woefully underprepared for the mental and psychological challenges they’re
and psychological challenges they’re
and psychological challenges they’re going to face inevitably as they try to
going to face inevitably as they try to
going to face inevitably as they try to self actualize and reach their highest
self actualize and reach their highest
self actualize and reach their highest potential so how do we do this how do we
potential so how do we do this how do we
potential so how do we do this how do we take the technical skills and combine
take the technical skills and combine
take the technical skills and combine them with the emotional strength and
them with the emotional strength and
them with the emotional strength and mental strength that’s necessary for our
mental strength that’s necessary for our
mental strength that’s necessary for our children to face the real-world
children to face the real-world
children to face the real-world challenges ahead I believe that there
challenges ahead I believe that there
challenges ahead I believe that there are three main actions that we can take
are three main actions that we can take
are three main actions that we can take to make this happen next slide it’s
to make this happen next slide it’s
to make this happen next slide it’s about getting in sync with our
about getting in sync with our
about getting in sync with our children’s moment to moment experiences
children’s moment to moment experiences
children’s moment to moment experiences okay number one is listen and empathize
okay number one is listen and empathize
okay number one is listen and empathize this means being able to put yourself
this means being able to put yourself
this means being able to put yourself into another person’s shoes to think to
into another person’s shoes to think to
into another person’s shoes to think to yourself if I was them and if I was
yourself if I was them and if I was
yourself if I was them and if I was living this moment what would I need
living this moment what would I need
living this moment what would I need what would I feel what would I need from
what would I feel what would I need from
what would I feel what would I need from my parents to feel supported when I
my parents to feel supported when I
my parents to feel supported when I started at UCLA I was on financial aid I
started at UCLA I was on financial aid I
started at UCLA I was on financial aid I had chosen the least expensive meal plan
had chosen the least expensive meal plan
had chosen the least expensive meal plan because I wanted to be savvy about my
because I wanted to be savvy about my
because I wanted to be savvy about my finances and about the loans that I’m
finances and about the loans that I’m
finances and about the loans that I’m taking on under this meal plan students
taking on under this meal plan students
taking on under this meal plan students needed to go to their breakfast lunch
needed to go to their breakfast lunch
needed to go to their breakfast lunch and dinner within a certain window of
and dinner within a certain window of
and dinner within a certain window of time if you weren’t there in that window
time if you weren’t there in that window
time if you weren’t there in that window of time you didn’t get that meal so in
of time you didn’t get that meal so in
of time you didn’t get that meal so in my first semester at UCLA I had evening
my first semester at UCLA I had evening
my first semester at UCLA I had evening classes that really cut it close on that
classes that really cut it close on that
classes that really cut it close on that window on one particular night I was
window on one particular night I was
window on one particular night I was asking a professor some questions and in
asking a professor some questions and in
asking a professor some questions and in spite of running across campus to try to
spite of running across campus to try to
spite of running across campus to try to make it I missed that window so that
make it I missed that window so that
make it I missed that window so that night I went back to my dorm hungry and
night I went back to my dorm hungry and
night I went back to my dorm hungry and I tried to do my studies but my
I tried to do my studies but my
I tried to do my studies but my peripheral vision kept going to my
peripheral vision kept going to my
peripheral vision kept going to my roommates snacks chips cookies juice
roommates snacks chips cookies juice
roommates snacks chips cookies juice I know man did I want those snacks but I
I know man did I want those snacks but I
I know man did I want those snacks but I couldn’t get myself to ask and truth be
couldn’t get myself to ask and truth be
couldn’t get myself to ask and truth be told my parents could have afforded to
told my parents could have afforded to
told my parents could have afforded to get me these snacks but that history of
get me these snacks but that history of
get me these snacks but that history of seeking what I needed through them
seeking what I needed through them
seeking what I needed through them wasn’t established so I didn’t even
wasn’t established so I didn’t even
wasn’t established so I didn’t even think to call
think to call
think to call so it became unnecessarily hard of
so it became unnecessarily hard of
so it became unnecessarily hard of course being hungry sporadically is not
course being hungry sporadically is not
course being hungry sporadically is not helping you and your studies so we need
helping you and your studies so we need
helping you and your studies so we need to listen and to empathize if we can’t
to listen and to empathize if we can’t
to listen and to empathize if we can’t listen we’re not gonna know what our
listen we’re not gonna know what our
listen we’re not gonna know what our children need studies have shown that a
children need studies have shown that a
children need studies have shown that a history of low emotional intimacy leaves
history of low emotional intimacy leaves
history of low emotional intimacy leaves children shy and conflicted about
children shy and conflicted about
children shy and conflicted about seeking attention and about seeking what
seeking attention and about seeking what
seeking attention and about seeking what they need and this could leak even
they need and this could leak even
they need and this could leak even further into not being able to seek out
further into not being able to seek out
further into not being able to seek out mentors which are critical to doing well
mentors which are critical to doing well
mentors which are critical to doing well so we listen and we empathize the second
so we listen and we empathize the second
so we listen and we empathize the second thing we do we create excuse me we place
thing we do we create excuse me we place
thing we do we create excuse me we place a high value on education as a means to
a high value on education as a means to
a high value on education as a means to a better life
a better life
a better life so as I stated my parents did not do
so as I stated my parents did not do
so as I stated my parents did not do everything correctly but in this arena
everything correctly but in this arena
everything correctly but in this arena they shined they inspired and they
they shined they inspired and they
they shined they inspired and they accommodated me to do my best and they
accommodated me to do my best and they
accommodated me to do my best and they truly saw the value of education even
truly saw the value of education even
truly saw the value of education even the monetary value of education my
the monetary value of education my
the monetary value of education my educational journey began in Community
educational journey began in Community
educational journey began in Community College
College
College when I started at Cerritos Community
when I started at Cerritos Community
when I started at Cerritos Community College I was holding a full-time job
College I was holding a full-time job
College I was holding a full-time job and going to school full-time like
and going to school full-time like
and going to school full-time like several of my peers I felt this urge
several of my peers I felt this urge
several of my peers I felt this urge that I needed to help my family
that I needed to help my family
that I needed to help my family financially as soon as I could I wanted
financially as soon as I could I wanted
financially as soon as I could I wanted to bring value to my parents by the
to bring value to my parents by the
to bring value to my parents by the middle of my first semester I had
middle of my first semester I had
middle of my first semester I had mediocre grades at best and it made me
mediocre grades at best and it made me
mediocre grades at best and it made me stop and think
stop and think
stop and think I don’t want mediocre I want excellence
I don’t want mediocre I want excellence
I don’t want mediocre I want excellence I want to go to my dream school I want
I want to go to my dream school I want
I want to go to my dream school I want to go to UCLA and whether I want to
to go to UCLA and whether I want to
to go to UCLA and whether I want to admit it or not working this full-time
admit it or not working this full-time
admit it or not working this full-time job is keeping me from putting in that
job is keeping me from putting in that
job is keeping me from putting in that studying time that I need to get those
studying time that I need to get those
studying time that I need to get those grades so I worked up the courage to
grades so I worked up the courage to
grades so I worked up the courage to talk to my parents about it and I was
talk to my parents about it and I was
talk to my parents about it and I was afraid
afraid
afraid I thought they’re gonna think that I’m
I thought they’re gonna think that I’m
I thought they’re gonna think that I’m lazy that I’m not contributing even
lazy that I’m not contributing even
lazy that I’m not contributing even though I’m a grown adult now when I
though I’m a grown adult now when I
though I’m a grown adult now when I brought this up to my mom she looked me
brought this up to my mom she looked me
brought this up to my mom she looked me in the eye and she said mija
in the eye and she said mija
in the eye and she said mija the way that you bring value to this
the way that you bring value to this
the way that you bring value to this family is by focusing on your education
family is by focusing on your education
family is by focusing on your education you bring more to us by going to that
you bring more to us by going to that
you bring more to us by going to that classroom than you do
classroom than you do
classroom than you do by holding this job Wow
by holding this job Wow
by holding this job Wow that changed everything by the end of
that changed everything by the end of
that changed everything by the end of that semester I had straight A’s it was
that semester I had straight A’s it was
that semester I had straight A’s it was the first time in my life that I had
the first time in my life that I had
the first time in my life that I had seen straight A’s on my transcripts and
seen straight A’s on my transcripts and
seen straight A’s on my transcripts and I realized the power that I had but it
I realized the power that I had but it
I realized the power that I had but it only happened because my parents were
only happened because my parents were
only happened because my parents were able to emphasize the value of education
able to emphasize the value of education
able to emphasize the value of education next slide so attentive and reliable
next slide so attentive and reliable
next slide so attentive and reliable emotional relationships are the basis
emotional relationships are the basis
emotional relationships are the basis for the sense of security and not only
for the sense of security and not only
for the sense of security and not only for a sense of security but for the
for a sense of security but for the
for a sense of security but for the ability to recognize our needs and to
ability to recognize our needs and to
ability to recognize our needs and to have a strong sense of self so we listen
have a strong sense of self so we listen
have a strong sense of self so we listen and we empathize we place a high value
and we empathize we place a high value
and we empathize we place a high value on education the third and final action
on education the third and final action
on education the third and final action we create a positive frame of reference
we create a positive frame of reference
we create a positive frame of reference so a frame of reference you can think of
so a frame of reference you can think of
so a frame of reference you can think of it almost like different sunglasses
it almost like different sunglasses
it almost like different sunglasses rose-colored glasses the pair that you
rose-colored glasses the pair that you
rose-colored glasses the pair that you have on is going to affect the way that
have on is going to affect the way that
have on is going to affect the way that you see the world and the way that you
you see the world and the way that you
you see the world and the way that you see yourself humans create their frames
see yourself humans create their frames
see yourself humans create their frames of reference based on their environment
of reference based on their environment
of reference based on their environment and their families children imitate
and their families children imitate
and their families children imitate their parents they believe their parents
their parents they believe their parents
their parents they believe their parents they mirror what their parents project
they mirror what their parents project
they mirror what their parents project on them if we have fears anxieties and
on them if we have fears anxieties and
on them if we have fears anxieties and doubts about our children’s abilities or
doubts about our children’s abilities or
doubts about our children’s abilities or we don’t see their full potential they
we don’t see their full potential they
we don’t see their full potential they are gonna have those same fears doubts
are gonna have those same fears doubts
are gonna have those same fears doubts and anxieties we live in a time of
and anxieties we live in a time of
and anxieties we live in a time of historically high rates of anxiety
historically high rates of anxiety
historically high rates of anxiety depression even suicide among some of
depression even suicide among some of
depression even suicide among some of our most challenging and noblest
our most challenging and noblest
our most challenging and noblest professions including doctors and
professions including doctors and
professions including doctors and attorneys
I think that we can change this through
I think that we can change this through these actions when I started in high
these actions when I started in high
these actions when I started in high school I began with a lot of my other
school I began with a lot of my other
school I began with a lot of my other cousins that were around my same age one
cousins that were around my same age one
cousins that were around my same age one of my younger cousins got placed into a
of my younger cousins got placed into a
of my younger cousins got placed into a special education program right at the
special education program right at the
special education program right at the beginning of ninth grade this was
beginning of ninth grade this was
beginning of ninth grade this was interesting to me because up until that
interesting to me because up until that
interesting to me because up until that point we had been in all the same
point we had been in all the same
point we had been in all the same classes
classes
classes my cousin hadn’t shown any of the
my cousin hadn’t shown any of the
my cousin hadn’t shown any of the classic signs of having special needs
classic signs of having special needs
classic signs of having special needs but she got placed here when I talked to
but she got placed here when I talked to
but she got placed here when I talked to her about it she said well the high
her about it she said well the high
her about it she said well the high school said I need to be here my
school said I need to be here my
school said I need to be here my counselor said I need to be here so I
counselor said I need to be here so I
counselor said I need to be here so I guess it is where I’m at I told her what
guess it is where I’m at I told her what
guess it is where I’m at I told her what does your parents say she said I just
does your parents say she said I just
does your parents say she said I just told you what they said this is both the
told you what they said this is both the
told you what they said this is both the combination of not placing that high
combination of not placing that high
combination of not placing that high value and realizing look they’re
value and realizing look they’re
value and realizing look they’re potentially taking something away from
potentially taking something away from
potentially taking something away from my child that is so important an
my child that is so important an
my child that is so important an opportunity if it was not for my cousin
opportunity if it was not for my cousin
opportunity if it was not for my cousin Liz an older cousin we had that acted as
Liz an older cousin we had that acted as
Liz an older cousin we had that acted as a parent and as someone that got in sync
a parent and as someone that got in sync
a parent and as someone that got in sync with us they knew she knew who we were
with us they knew she knew who we were
with us they knew she knew who we were she came every single day to that high
she came every single day to that high
she came every single day to that high school to the principal’s office
school to the principal’s office
school to the principal’s office advocating for my cousin thinks she
advocating for my cousin thinks she
advocating for my cousin thinks she didn’t belong in this program how did
didn’t belong in this program how did
didn’t belong in this program how did she get in here for better or worse this
she get in here for better or worse this
she get in here for better or worse this has been a problem historically in our
has been a problem historically in our
has been a problem historically in our country and in the state that children
country and in the state that children
country and in the state that children get filtered in these programs because
get filtered in these programs because
get filtered in these programs because of language barriers so socio-economic
of language barriers so socio-economic
of language barriers so socio-economic reasons or behavioral issues I’m not
reasons or behavioral issues I’m not
reasons or behavioral issues I’m not sure which one of these got her there
sure which one of these got her there
sure which one of these got her there but she was there but Liz stayed there
but she was there but Liz stayed there
but she was there but Liz stayed there until they took her out of that program
until they took her out of that program
until they took her out of that program my cousin went on to take AP classes in
my cousin went on to take AP classes in
my cousin went on to take AP classes in that same subject she graduated from our
that same subject she graduated from our
that same subject she graduated from our high school with honors and she went on
high school with honors and she went on
high school with honors and she went on to become one of the 14% of Latinos who
to become one of the 14% of Latinos who
to become one of the 14% of Latinos who have attained a bachelor’s degree and so
have attained a bachelor’s degree and so
have attained a bachelor’s degree and so much of it was because somebody was
much of it was because somebody was
much of it was because somebody was their luck it shouldn’t be so
their luck it shouldn’t be so
their luck it shouldn’t be so serendipitous that we are accomplishing
serendipitous that we are accomplishing
serendipitous that we are accomplishing these things next slide
and it’s so important education is the
and it’s so important education is the foundation upon which all other aspects
foundation upon which all other aspects
foundation upon which all other aspects of personal and economic well-being are
of personal and economic well-being are
of personal and economic well-being are built this is from the US Department of
built this is from the US Department of
built this is from the US Department of Education next slide yet more Latinos
Education next slide yet more Latinos
Education next slide yet more Latinos live in poverty
live in poverty
live in poverty then attained a bachelor’s degree I
truly believe that we can help to change
truly believe that we can help to change these numbers by learning how to combine
these numbers by learning how to combine
these numbers by learning how to combine technical excellence which we have
technical excellence which we have
technical excellence which we have gotten better at understanding with
gotten better at understanding with
gotten better at understanding with emotional intimacy with daily
emotional intimacy with daily
emotional intimacy with daily interactions with our children we were
interactions with our children we were
interactions with our children we were are trying to listen and to empathize
are trying to listen and to empathize
are trying to listen and to empathize where we are creating values in our
where we are creating values in our
where we are creating values in our family that show look we think education
family that show look we think education
family that show look we think education is important we understand its value and
is important we understand its value and
is important we understand its value and you as a person and as it’s not a terry
you as a person and as it’s not a terry
you as a person and as it’s not a terry value like the previous slide said it
value like the previous slide said it
value like the previous slide said it affects your jobs it affects the
affects your jobs it affects the
affects your jobs it affects the neighborhood’s are gonna live in it
neighborhood’s are gonna live in it
neighborhood’s are gonna live in it affects your health the food you eat the
affects your health the food you eat the
affects your health the food you eat the water you drink your life and for many
water you drink your life and for many
water you drink your life and for many of us there are going to be obstacles
of us there are going to be obstacles
of us there are going to be obstacles where we need this mental strength so
where we need this mental strength so
where we need this mental strength so that we don’t define our value by what
that we don’t define our value by what
that we don’t define our value by what other people tell us trying to get to
other people tell us trying to get to
other people tell us trying to get to excellence there are gonna be failures
excellence there are gonna be failures
excellence there are gonna be failures there are gonna be ups and downs and if
there are gonna be ups and downs and if
there are gonna be ups and downs and if we don’t have our children have the
we don’t have our children have the
we don’t have our children have the emotional strength to know who they are
emotional strength to know who they are
emotional strength to know who they are to have a sense of their value and a
to have a sense of their value and a
to have a sense of their value and a sense of their worth they will let other
sense of their worth they will let other
sense of their worth they will let other people tell them and with statistics
people tell them and with statistics
people tell them and with statistics like this trust me there are people
like this trust me there are people
like this trust me there are people ready to tell them that they’re not good
ready to tell them that they’re not good
ready to tell them that they’re not good enough I believe that if we can learn to
enough I believe that if we can learn to
enough I believe that if we can learn to use these tools if we can combine text
use these tools if we can combine text
use these tools if we can combine text technical excellence with the emotional
technical excellence with the emotional
technical excellence with the emotional and mental strength not only can we
and mental strength not only can we
and mental strength not only can we change the lives and the futures of our
change the lives and the futures of our
change the lives and the futures of our children we can change the world thank
children we can change the world thank
children we can change the world thank you
”
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