live so that when your children think of fairness caring and integrity they think
fairness caring and integrity they think
fairness caring and integrity they think of you this is my guiding principle
of you this is my guiding principle
of you this is my guiding principle everyday as I enter my workplace to
everyday as I enter my workplace to
everyday as I enter my workplace to become a butterfly a caterpillar first
become a butterfly a caterpillar first
become a butterfly a caterpillar first releases enzymes that dissolves all of
releases enzymes that dissolves all of
releases enzymes that dissolves all of its tissues essentially digesting itself
its tissues essentially digesting itself
its tissues essentially digesting itself all that’s left at the end of the
all that’s left at the end of the
all that’s left at the end of the digestive process are a group of highly
digestive process are a group of highly
digestive process are a group of highly organized cells called discs those discs
organized cells called discs those discs
organized cells called discs those discs become the body parts of a butterfly
become the body parts of a butterfly
become the body parts of a butterfly like the caterpillar you already have
like the caterpillar you already have
like the caterpillar you already have what you need to transform your
what you need to transform your
what you need to transform your workplace into a place where every
workplace into a place where every
workplace into a place where every employee feels supported to be their
employee feels supported to be their
employee feels supported to be their best self now it may not be a pretty
best self now it may not be a pretty
best self now it may not be a pretty process similar to that visual of a
process similar to that visual of a
process similar to that visual of a caterpillar digesting itself but like
caterpillar digesting itself but like
caterpillar digesting itself but like the disks the caterpillar leaves behind
the disks the caterpillar leaves behind
the disks the caterpillar leaves behind you already have the raw material you
you already have the raw material you
you already have the raw material you need within you to transform your
need within you to transform your
need within you to transform your workplace into something extraordinary
workplace into something extraordinary
workplace into something extraordinary like a butterfly when you hear the word
like a butterfly when you hear the word
like a butterfly when you hear the word bully you probably picture that kid that
bully you probably picture that kid that
bully you probably picture that kid that picks on other kids call them the kids
picks on other kids call them the kids
picks on other kids call them the kids names stole lunch money
names stole lunch money
names stole lunch money you know that kid well similar
you know that kid well similar
you know that kid well similar characteristics exists in adults in the
characteristics exists in adults in the
characteristics exists in adults in the workplace yet there are no federal level
workplace yet there are no federal level
workplace yet there are no federal level American laws that specifically speak to
American laws that specifically speak to
American laws that specifically speak to you workplace bullying now to be clear
you workplace bullying now to be clear
you workplace bullying now to be clear we do have 30 states and two territories
we do have 30 states and two territories
we do have 30 states and two territories that have introduced healthy workplace
that have introduced healthy workplace
that have introduced healthy workplace bills but none of those have been fully
bills but none of those have been fully
bills but none of those have been fully adopted into law and at the federal
adopted into law and at the federal
adopted into law and at the federal level we do have anti harassment and
level we do have anti harassment and
level we do have anti harassment and anti-discrimination laws that provide
anti-discrimination laws that provide
anti-discrimination laws that provide some protections for certain groups of
some protections for certain groups of
some protections for certain groups of Americans but the challenge we face is
Americans but the challenge we face is
Americans but the challenge we face is that much of the behavior that would be
that much of the behavior that would be
that much of the behavior that would be classified as bullying rarely
classified as bullying rarely
classified as bullying rarely rises to the level of what our laws
rises to the level of what our laws
rises to the level of what our laws would consider illegal harassment what
would consider illegal harassment what
would consider illegal harassment what is bullying my favorite definition is
is bullying my favorite definition is
is bullying my favorite definition is the characterization by one
the characterization by one
the characterization by one international workplace bullying expert
international workplace bullying expert
international workplace bullying expert who says that workplace bullying is a
who says that workplace bullying is a
who says that workplace bullying is a psychological power imbalance that can
psychological power imbalance that can
psychological power imbalance that can be equated to domestic violence now
be equated to domestic violence now
be equated to domestic violence now that’s some pretty heavy stuff given
that’s some pretty heavy stuff given
that’s some pretty heavy stuff given that there are no federal level laws
that there are no federal level laws
that there are no federal level laws that address bullying in the workplace
that address bullying in the workplace
that address bullying in the workplace we have to rely on people our colleagues
we have to rely on people our colleagues
we have to rely on people our colleagues ourselves to make the choice to be
ourselves to make the choice to be
ourselves to make the choice to be better humans and how exactly do we do
better humans and how exactly do we do
better humans and how exactly do we do that from my perspective the answer lies
that from my perspective the answer lies
that from my perspective the answer lies within every person in this room we have
within every person in this room we have
within every person in this room we have to have the courage to be different to
to have the courage to be different to
to have the courage to be different to go against the grain to leave
Peter G north house defines ethical
Peter G north house defines ethical leadership as a process a process by
leadership as a process a process by
leadership as a process a process by which a good person rightly influences
which a good person rightly influences
which a good person rightly influences others to accomplish a common good to
others to accomplish a common good to
others to accomplish a common good to make the world better and more humane so
make the world better and more humane so
make the world better and more humane so if you can accept that leadership as a
if you can accept that leadership as a
if you can accept that leadership as a process and a process can be learned
process and a process can be learned
process and a process can be learned then you can accept that you can choose
then you can accept that you can choose
then you can accept that you can choose to lead differently within your span of
to lead differently within your span of
to lead differently within your span of influence with respect to workplace
influence with respect to workplace
influence with respect to workplace bullying the Equal Employment
bullying the Equal Employment
bullying the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission refers to
Opportunity Commission refers to
Opportunity Commission refers to bullying as general harassment to make a
bullying as general harassment to make a
bullying as general harassment to make a differentiation between illegal
differentiation between illegal
differentiation between illegal harassment and if the plain old lack of
harassment and if the plain old lack of
harassment and if the plain old lack of civility they found that there are two
civility they found that there are two
civility they found that there are two ways to address harassment the workplace
ways to address harassment the workplace
ways to address harassment the workplace the first is to evoke a change in
the first is to evoke a change in
the first is to evoke a change in company culture the second is to focus
company culture the second is to focus
company culture the second is to focus on civility in fact they say that it’s
on civility in fact they say that it’s
on civility in fact they say that it’s on all of us to be a part of the fight
on all of us to be a part of the fight
on all of us to be a part of the fight to stop workplace harassment we cannot
to stop workplace harassment we cannot
to stop workplace harassment we cannot choose to become place and bystanders
choose to become place and bystanders
choose to become place and bystanders and expect our workplaces to change
and expect our workplaces to change
and expect our workplaces to change themselves and if we are going to offer
themselves and if we are going to offer
themselves and if we are going to offer training that training should focus on
training that training should focus on
training that training should focus on respect and civility in the workplace
respect and civility in the workplace
respect and civility in the workplace not just a focus on eliminating illegal
not just a focus on eliminating illegal
not just a focus on eliminating illegal harassment in other words the EEOC is
harassment in other words the EEOC is
harassment in other words the EEOC is imploring companies not just to focus on
imploring companies not just to focus on
imploring companies not just to focus on meeting the minimum legal requirement of
meeting the minimum legal requirement of
meeting the minimum legal requirement of providing training or creating policies
providing training or creating policies
providing training or creating policies to address harassment but move to a
to address harassment but move to a
to address harassment but move to a higher level of morality and take a true
higher level of morality and take a true
higher level of morality and take a true look at the lack of civility in the
look at the lack of civility in the
look at the lack of civility in the workplace several years ago I was an HR
workplace several years ago I was an HR
workplace several years ago I was an HR manager reporting to a chief HR officer
manager reporting to a chief HR officer
manager reporting to a chief HR officer I got this job after being a
I got this job after being a
I got this job after being a stay-at-home mom for two years with my
stay-at-home mom for two years with my
stay-at-home mom for two years with my oldest child the first week on the job I
oldest child the first week on the job I
oldest child the first week on the job I was given an assignment by my boss and
was given an assignment by my boss and
was given an assignment by my boss and as I worked through the assignment I
as I worked through the assignment I
as I worked through the assignment I thought I should stop and check in with
thought I should stop and check in with
thought I should stop and check in with her and see if I’m even on track to meet
her and see if I’m even on track to meet
her and see if I’m even on track to meet her expectations in a one-on-one meeting
her expectations in a one-on-one meeting
her expectations in a one-on-one meeting with her I gave her a hard copy of a
with her I gave her a hard copy of a
with her I gave her a hard copy of a rough draft of a spreadsheet that I
rough draft of a spreadsheet that I
rough draft of a spreadsheet that I created
created
created and she proceeded to take out a red pen
and she proceeded to take out a red pen
and she proceeded to take out a red pen start drawing X’s across my work and
start drawing X’s across my work and
start drawing X’s across my work and sigh murmur so many unflattering
sigh murmur so many unflattering
sigh murmur so many unflattering comments about me behind in either
comments about me behind in either
comments about me behind in either breasts so as a meeting progressed I
breasts so as a meeting progressed I
breasts so as a meeting progressed I decided to just say could you just tell
decided to just say could you just tell
decided to just say could you just tell me from scratch what exactly it is that
me from scratch what exactly it is that
me from scratch what exactly it is that you want because clearly I’ve missed the
you want because clearly I’ve missed the
you want because clearly I’ve missed the mark her response to me was to take that
mark her response to me was to take that
mark her response to me was to take that hard copy of that spreadsheet that rough
hard copy of that spreadsheet that rough
hard copy of that spreadsheet that rough draft I given her throw it at me and say
draft I given her throw it at me and say
draft I given her throw it at me and say what do I want what do I want data I can
what do I want what do I want data I can
what do I want what do I want data I can use I left that meeting and I cry in the
use I left that meeting and I cry in the
use I left that meeting and I cry in the bathroom
bathroom
bathroom I wasn’t sure in that moment if it was
I wasn’t sure in that moment if it was
I wasn’t sure in that moment if it was me or if it was her I mean come on let’s
me or if it was her I mean come on let’s
me or if it was her I mean come on let’s face it I just spent two years doing
face it I just spent two years doing
face it I just spent two years doing nothing but talking about poopy diapers
nothing but talking about poopy diapers
nothing but talking about poopy diapers and setting up playdates and talking
and setting up playdates and talking
and setting up playdates and talking about nursing was it possible that maybe
about nursing was it possible that maybe
about nursing was it possible that maybe I forgot how to be the competent
I forgot how to be the competent
I forgot how to be the competent professional that I used to be that was
professional that I used to be that was
professional that I used to be that was the first of many incidents her berating
the first of many incidents her berating
the first of many incidents her berating her sabotage of my work her defamation
her sabotage of my work her defamation
her sabotage of my work her defamation of my character went on for years as the
of my character went on for years as the
of my character went on for years as the HR manager that handled employee
HR manager that handled employee
HR manager that handled employee relations I was the one that people came
relations I was the one that people came
relations I was the one that people came to if they had an issue of this
to if they had an issue of this
to if they had an issue of this magnitude with their colleague or boss
magnitude with their colleague or boss
magnitude with their colleague or boss or union representative but who did I
or union representative but who did I
or union representative but who did I have to turn to who exactly does HR go
have to turn to who exactly does HR go
have to turn to who exactly does HR go to when HR is being bullied finally
to when HR is being bullied finally
to when HR is being bullied finally three years later I reported her to the
three years later I reported her to the
three years later I reported her to the CEO lots happened following that report
CEO lots happened following that report
CEO lots happened following that report none of which ended her employment or
none of which ended her employment or
none of which ended her employment or even cause her to have a demotion at
even cause her to have a demotion at
even cause her to have a demotion at least not immediately they came here’s
least not immediately they came here’s
least not immediately they came here’s after I left but what I learned in that
after I left but what I learned in that
after I left but what I learned in that experience is that I wasn’t the first
experience is that I wasn’t the first
experience is that I wasn’t the first nor would I be the last body in her
nor would I be the last body in her
nor would I be the last body in her trail of terror
trail of terror
trail of terror was that bullying it was for me let’s
was that bullying it was for me let’s
was that bullying it was for me let’s fast forward some years later where I
fast forward some years later where I
fast forward some years later where I was the HR director also reporting to a
was the HR director also reporting to a
was the HR director also reporting to a chief HR officer so similar set up and
chief HR officer so similar set up and
chief HR officer so similar set up and after a few months on the job I found
after a few months on the job I found
after a few months on the job I found out that some of my colleagues on my
out that some of my colleagues on my
out that some of my colleagues on my same team had secretly taken pictures of
same team had secretly taken pictures of
same team had secretly taken pictures of my body parts during a work event where
my body parts during a work event where
my body parts during a work event where I guess in their opinion my clothes were
I guess in their opinion my clothes were
I guess in their opinion my clothes were ill-fitting the week that I found out
ill-fitting the week that I found out
ill-fitting the week that I found out this took place I chose to confide in a
this took place I chose to confide in a
this took place I chose to confide in a colleague about my anger my dis is us
colleague about my anger my dis is us
colleague about my anger my dis is us and my disappointment that at this stage
and my disappointment that at this stage
and my disappointment that at this stage in my career I was dealing with
in my career I was dealing with
in my career I was dealing with behaviors I would expect from middle
behaviors I would expect from middle
behaviors I would expect from middle school children by the end of that week
school children by the end of that week
school children by the end of that week I found out that the colleague I chose
I found out that the colleague I chose
I found out that the colleague I chose that confide in also knew about the
that confide in also knew about the
that confide in also knew about the pictures when they were taken and chose
pictures when they were taken and chose
pictures when they were taken and chose to do nothing her inaction actually hurt
to do nothing her inaction actually hurt
to do nothing her inaction actually hurt more than finding out about the
more than finding out about the
more than finding out about the malicious actions of others in this
malicious actions of others in this
malicious actions of others in this experience my colleague chose the role
experience my colleague chose the role
experience my colleague chose the role of bystander that word bystander it
of bystander that word bystander it
of bystander that word bystander it implies passivity it implies
implies passivity it implies
implies passivity it implies helplessness when you choose the role of
helplessness when you choose the role of
helplessness when you choose the role of bystander you give yourself an excuse
bystander you give yourself an excuse
bystander you give yourself an excuse for not acting you are not a bystander
for not acting you are not a bystander
for not acting you are not a bystander at all when you choose not to act you
at all when you choose not to act you
at all when you choose not to act you are a reinforcer you reinforce for the
are a reinforcer you reinforce for the
are a reinforcer you reinforce for the bully that their behavior is welcome and
bully that their behavior is welcome and
bully that their behavior is welcome and you allow through your inaction a toxic
you allow through your inaction a toxic
you allow through your inaction a toxic workplace culture to prevail James
workplace culture to prevail James
workplace culture to prevail James McGregor Burns says that
McGregor Burns says that
McGregor Burns says that transformational leaders caused their
transformational leaders caused their
transformational leaders caused their followers to raise one another to higher
followers to raise one another to higher
followers to raise one another to higher levels of morality and motivation
levels of morality and motivation
levels of morality and motivation [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] everybody in this room can personify the
everybody in this room can personify the
everybody in this room can personify the four-eyes of transformational leadership
four-eyes of transformational leadership
four-eyes of transformational leadership because remember leadership is a process
because remember leadership is a process
because remember leadership is a process and a process
and a process
and a process can be learned a transformational leader
can be learned a transformational leader
can be learned a transformational leader has idealized influence they lead by
has idealized influence they lead by
has idealized influence they lead by example they are role models a
example they are role models a
example they are role models a transformational leader has intellectual
transformational leader has intellectual
transformational leader has intellectual stimulation
stimulation
stimulation this means they challenge assumptions
this means they challenge assumptions
this means they challenge assumptions they don’t just do stuff because
they don’t just do stuff because
they don’t just do stuff because everybody’s doing it or do things
everybody’s doing it or do things
everybody’s doing it or do things because it’s the way it’s always been
because it’s the way it’s always been
because it’s the way it’s always been done they challenge those assumptions
done they challenge those assumptions
done they challenge those assumptions and ask for ideas without criticism a
and ask for ideas without criticism a
and ask for ideas without criticism a transformational leader has
transformational leader has
transformational leader has individualized consideration they
individualized consideration they
individualized consideration they recognize and understand that every
recognize and understand that every
recognize and understand that every individual has individual needs unique
individual has individual needs unique
individual has individual needs unique needs H transformational leader has
needs H transformational leader has
needs H transformational leader has inspirational motivation they inspire a
inspirational motivation they inspire a
inspirational motivation they inspire a sense of purpose in a group you can be
sense of purpose in a group you can be
sense of purpose in a group you can be that transformational leader if you
that transformational leader if you
that transformational leader if you choose to be
choose to be
choose to be you can personify the four eyes of
you can personify the four eyes of
you can personify the four eyes of idealized influence intellectual
idealized influence intellectual
idealized influence intellectual stimulation individualized consideration
stimulation individualized consideration
stimulation individualized consideration and inspirational motivation if you
and inspirational motivation if you
and inspirational motivation if you choose to do so you can actually become
choose to do so you can actually become
choose to do so you can actually become this transformational leader and
this transformational leader and
this transformational leader and personify these attributes and end
personify these attributes and end
personify these attributes and end workplace bullying and impact your
workplace bullying and impact your
workplace bullying and impact your company culture if you choose to do so
company culture if you choose to do so
company culture if you choose to do so the EEOC says that workplace culture has
the EEOC says that workplace culture has
the EEOC says that workplace culture has the greatest impact on allowing
the greatest impact on allowing
the greatest impact on allowing harassment to flourish or conversely in
harassment to flourish or conversely in
harassment to flourish or conversely in preventing harassment and remember in
preventing harassment and remember in
preventing harassment and remember in this report the EEOC is talking about
this report the EEOC is talking about
this report the EEOC is talking about both general harassment bullying and
both general harassment bullying and
both general harassment bullying and illegal harassment workplace bullying is
illegal harassment workplace bullying is
illegal harassment workplace bullying is one of those equal opportunities sports
one of those equal opportunities sports
one of those equal opportunities sports everybody does it sadly of the
everybody does it sadly of the
everybody does it sadly of the individuals who reported being bullies B
individuals who reported being bullies B
individuals who reported being bullies B having been bullies 46 percent are women
having been bullies 46 percent are women
having been bullies 46 percent are women 54 percent are men so it’s pretty equal
54 percent are men so it’s pretty equal
54 percent are men so it’s pretty equal numbers bullying is prevalent amongst
numbers bullying is prevalent amongst
numbers bullying is prevalent amongst co-workers and colleagues and it’s been
co-workers and colleagues and it’s been
co-workers and colleagues and it’s been found to be one of the
found to be one of the
found to be one of the impactful deviant actions that affect a
impactful deviant actions that affect a
impactful deviant actions that affect a workers personal health and work
workers personal health and work
workers personal health and work experience in both of my personal
experience in both of my personal
experience in both of my personal examples you may see both as bullying
examples you may see both as bullying
examples you may see both as bullying you may say one is bullying and the
you may say one is bullying and the
you may say one is bullying and the others knocked or you might say I don’t
others knocked or you might say I don’t
others knocked or you might say I don’t really know why she’s making such a big
really know why she’s making such a big
really know why she’s making such a big deal out of either of them neither one
deal out of either of them neither one
deal out of either of them neither one of those are bullying fair enough
of those are bullying fair enough
of those are bullying fair enough however the physical and psychological
however the physical and psychological
however the physical and psychological impact on me as a person supports my
impact on me as a person supports my
impact on me as a person supports my stance that I was bullied because the
stance that I was bullied because the
stance that I was bullied because the focus has to be on the impact to the
focus has to be on the impact to the
focus has to be on the impact to the victim not the intent of the perpetrator
victim not the intent of the perpetrator
victim not the intent of the perpetrator to us it’s about the impact not the
to us it’s about the impact not the
to us it’s about the impact not the intent anywhere from 38 percent to 90
intent anywhere from 38 percent to 90
intent anywhere from 38 percent to 90 percent of American workers have
percent of American workers have
percent of American workers have reported being bullied at work those
reported being bullied at work those
reported being bullied at work those workers spend 52 percent of their day
workers spend 52 percent of their day
workers spend 52 percent of their day talking about it just think about the
talking about it just think about the
talking about it just think about the immense impact on productivity because
immense impact on productivity because
immense impact on productivity because of bullying in an article published in
of bullying in an article published in
of bullying in an article published in the American Journal of Public Health
the American Journal of Public Health
the American Journal of Public Health bullying has been linked to suicidal
bullying has been linked to suicidal
bullying has been linked to suicidal ideation people actually sit around and
ideation people actually sit around and
ideation people actually sit around and think about how when and where to kill
think about how when and where to kill
think about how when and where to kill themselves because the bullying is so
themselves because the bullying is so
themselves because the bullying is so bad at their jobs
in one reach first study those workers
in one reach first study those workers who reported being bullied 80% of them
who reported being bullied 80% of them
who reported being bullied 80% of them also reported suffering from anxiety 52%
also reported suffering from anxiety 52%
also reported suffering from anxiety 52% for panic attacks 49% from depression
for panic attacks 49% from depression
for panic attacks 49% from depression and 30% from post-traumatic stress
and 30% from post-traumatic stress
and 30% from post-traumatic stress disorder with the understanding that
disorder with the understanding that
disorder with the understanding that bullying is so pervasive yet often not
bullying is so pervasive yet often not
bullying is so pervasive yet often not even illegal will you make the choice
even illegal will you make the choice
even illegal will you make the choice today to lead differently within your
today to lead differently within your
today to lead differently within your span of influence with respect to
span of influence with respect to
span of influence with respect to workplace bullying have you observed
workplace bullying have you observed
workplace bullying have you observed bullying in your workplace and chosen
bullying in your workplace and chosen
bullying in your workplace and chosen the role of reinforcer maybe you now
the role of reinforcer maybe you now
the role of reinforcer maybe you now realize that you may in fact have been
realize that you may in fact have been
realize that you may in fact have been the bully don’t wait until a co-worker
the bully don’t wait until a co-worker
the bully don’t wait until a co-worker commits suicide or sink so deep into
commits suicide or sink so deep into
commits suicide or sink so deep into clinical depression they can’t find
clinical depression they can’t find
clinical depression they can’t find their way out before you act
their way out before you act
their way out before you act Sheryl Sandberg chief operating officer
Sheryl Sandberg chief operating officer
Sheryl Sandberg chief operating officer of Facebook says that leadership is
of Facebook says that leadership is
of Facebook says that leadership is about making others better as a result
about making others better as a result
about making others better as a result of your presence and making sure that
of your presence and making sure that
of your presence and making sure that impact lasts in your absence my question
impact lasts in your absence my question
impact lasts in your absence my question for you today is are you living your
for you today is are you living your
for you today is are you living your life so that when your children think of
life so that when your children think of
life so that when your children think of fairness caring and integrity they think
fairness caring and integrity they think
fairness caring and integrity they think of you
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
”
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