Do You Want the Truth or Something Beautiful? | David Geithing | TEDxTurtleCove

so Who am I really that certainly as a

so Who am I really that certainly as a question and maybe my reply would be do

question and maybe my reply would be do

question and maybe my reply would be do you want the truth or do you want

you want the truth or do you want

you want the truth or do you want something beautiful I am I actually

something beautiful I am I actually

something beautiful I am I actually first heard this question in a soul by

first heard this question in a soul by

first heard this question in a soul by Paloma Faith who I believe in the song

Paloma Faith who I believe in the song

Paloma Faith who I believe in the song lyrics was presenting the question to a

lyrics was presenting the question to a

lyrics was presenting the question to a potential lover she was saying you know

potential lover she was saying you know

potential lover she was saying you know do you want the real me or do you want

do you want the real me or do you want

do you want the real me or do you want the pretty beautiful and attractive me

the pretty beautiful and attractive me

the pretty beautiful and attractive me and I guess I found it fascinating but

and I guess I found it fascinating but

and I guess I found it fascinating but the more I thought about it I actually

the more I thought about it I actually

the more I thought about it I actually thought that was a much more

thought that was a much more

thought that was a much more wide-ranging question than what she put

wide-ranging question than what she put

wide-ranging question than what she put out and I guess this question I could

out and I guess this question I could

out and I guess this question I could ask you now you know do you want the

ask you now you know do you want the

ask you now you know do you want the person which I was the person the the

person which I was the person the the

person which I was the person the the beautiful person or do you want the

beautiful person or do you want the

beautiful person or do you want the person I really truly am

person I really truly am

person I really truly am I could ask colleagues I mean at work I

I could ask colleagues I mean at work I

I could ask colleagues I mean at work I could ask my friends after hours or

could ask my friends after hours or

could ask my friends after hours or maybe secretly I probably also should

maybe secretly I probably also should

maybe secretly I probably also should ask myself you know I think we all have

ask myself you know I think we all have

ask myself you know I think we all have this this funny to you in persona and

this this funny to you in persona and

this this funny to you in persona and you know it varies it’s an amalgamation

you know it varies it’s an amalgamation

you know it varies it’s an amalgamation of the person that we are in a person we

of the person that we are in a person we

of the person that we are in a person we wish to be and a remarkable feature of

wish to be and a remarkable feature of

wish to be and a remarkable feature of this persona is that it does change in

this persona is that it does change in

this persona is that it does change in every interaction we have you know maybe

every interaction we have you know maybe

every interaction we have you know maybe it’s a fractional difference maybe it’s

it’s a fractional difference maybe it’s

it’s a fractional difference maybe it’s a large difference but it changes so I’m

a large difference but it changes so I’m

a large difference but it changes so I’m going to start with a couple of examples

going to start with a couple of examples

going to start with a couple of examples from my life and to demonstrate I wake

from my life and to demonstrate I wake

from my life and to demonstrate I wake up early I get dressed in lycra I say

up early I get dressed in lycra I say

up early I get dressed in lycra I say this with some shame I meet other

this with some shame I meet other

this with some shame I meet other middle-aged men and women who also

middle-aged men and women who also

middle-aged men and women who also choose to dress up in lycra we gather at

choose to dress up in lycra we gather at

choose to dress up in lycra we gather at the bus stop near my house and ride

the bus stop near my house and ride

the bus stop near my house and ride around on bicycles for a few hours while

around on bicycles for a few hours while

around on bicycles for a few hours while everyone’s sensible are still in bed we

everyone’s sensible are still in bed we

everyone’s sensible are still in bed we try to believe that we fit where you try

try to believe that we fit where you try

try to believe that we fit where you try to believe reality we try to believe we

to believe reality we try to believe we

to believe reality we try to believe we ever and enjoy the suffering a little

ever and enjoy the suffering a little

ever and enjoy the suffering a little bit just the suffering the breathless

bit just the suffering the breathless

bit just the suffering the breathless legs and Britta’s and bearing legs but

legs and Britta’s and bearing legs but

legs and Britta’s and bearing legs but we wear this bad for some pride and I

we wear this bad for some pride and I

we wear this bad for some pride and I actually mean it

actually mean it

actually mean it it took me a while to feel comfortable

it took me a while to feel comfortable

it took me a while to feel comfortable doing this you know it took a while to

doing this you know it took a while to

doing this you know it took a while to feel like I fit into this group but over

feel like I fit into this group but over

feel like I fit into this group but over time I started feel more natural and I

time I started feel more natural and I

time I started feel more natural and I guess my projected image actually became

guess my projected image actually became

guess my projected image actually became the real me I get home I shower I change

the real me I get home I shower I change

the real me I get home I shower I change get into a suit and I go to work working

get into a suit and I go to work working

get into a suit and I go to work working in a professional job I must I must have

in a professional job I must I must have

in a professional job I must I must have modify my persona from that morning on

modify my persona from that morning on

modify my persona from that morning on the bike and now I must look hopefully

the bike and now I must look hopefully

the bike and now I must look hopefully educated intelligent rational in control

educated intelligent rational in control

educated intelligent rational in control of situation yet still hopefully

of situation yet still hopefully

of situation yet still hopefully approachable caring you know and and and

approachable caring you know and and and

approachable caring you know and and and I guess you know intentionally or not

I guess you know intentionally or not

I guess you know intentionally or not the clothes the demeanor the pattern of

the clothes the demeanor the pattern of

the clothes the demeanor the pattern of speech it’s all designed to convey that

speech it’s all designed to convey that

speech it’s all designed to convey that version of me and is actually funny when

version of me and is actually funny when

version of me and is actually funny when I think about it because I don’t

I think about it because I don’t

I think about it because I don’t normally mention my cycling persona to

normally mention my cycling persona to

normally mention my cycling persona to people around the work for fear they

people around the work for fear they

people around the work for fear they consider me some kind of fitness not on

consider me some kind of fitness not on

consider me some kind of fitness not on and I suspect that it might actually

and I suspect that it might actually

and I suspect that it might actually alienate them and it may be more

alienate them and it may be more

alienate them and it may be more difficult form with them to relate to me

difficult form with them to relate to me

difficult form with them to relate to me and form a bond and actually as a bit of

and form a bond and actually as a bit of

and form a bond and actually as a bit of an example of that there are a couple

an example of that there are a couple

an example of that there are a couple people in the audience tonight who I do

people in the audience tonight who I do

people in the audience tonight who I do know from work who said to me I can’t

know from work who said to me I can’t

know from work who said to me I can’t believe there’s all this fitness stuff

believe there’s all this fitness stuff

believe there’s all this fitness stuff about you you never told me I’ve known

about you you never told me I’ve known

about you you never told me I’ve known you for like ten years and you never

you for like ten years and you never

you for like ten years and you never mention any this and it is because I

mention any this and it is because I

mention any this and it is because I just keep that part of my life separate

just keep that part of my life separate

just keep that part of my life separate because I think people might think I’m a

because I think people might think I’m a

because I think people might think I’m a wacko or just not late to it anyway get

wacko or just not late to it anyway get

wacko or just not late to it anyway get home well actually that’s the second

home well actually that’s the second

home well actually that’s the second step back don’t even get home after work

step back don’t even get home after work

step back don’t even get home after work tie comes off you know go out for a

tie comes off you know go out for a

tie comes off you know go out for a drink with a friend decide to be a bit

drink with a friend decide to be a bit

drink with a friend decide to be a bit less formal and I still need to look

less formal and I still need to look

less formal and I still need to look presentable the same goes oh my I guess

presentable the same goes oh my I guess

presentable the same goes oh my I guess one less one notch less formal but still

one less one notch less formal but still

one less one notch less formal but still you know good manners to still good

you know good manners to still good

you know good manners to still good speech good habits hopefully still just

speech good habits hopefully still just

speech good habits hopefully still just yes I’m intelligent and and rational and

yes I’m intelligent and and rational and

yes I’m intelligent and and rational and fun but one level less formal with well

fun but one level less formal with well

fun but one level less formal with well probably one level last formal with each

probably one level last formal with each

probably one level last formal with each I think I have to be honest if truth

I think I have to be honest if truth

I think I have to be honest if truth repose broken when it came to that point

repose broken when it came to that point

repose broken when it came to that point I would rather not see most people I’ve

I would rather not see most people I’ve

I would rather not see most people I’ve seen during work day

seen during work day

seen during work day a prison company excluded who do know me

a prison company excluded who do know me

a prison company excluded who do know me from I worked out love to see you after

from I worked out love to see you after

from I worked out love to see you after this for a drink I’m not saying that at

this for a drink I’m not saying that at

this for a drink I’m not saying that at all but the ones who are not in the

all but the ones who are not in the

all but the ones who are not in the audience I’d rather not see me in

audience I’d rather not see me in

audience I’d rather not see me in something Weezer’s just cuz they’re for

something Weezer’s just cuz they’re for

something Weezer’s just cuz they’re for a different part of my life and it would

a different part of my life and it would

a different part of my life and it would be a bit weird be like sort of an

be a bit weird be like sort of an

be a bit weird be like sort of an instrument played slightly out of tune

you know I guess we’d be friendly would

you know I guess we’d be friendly would say our hellos but give it a bit of time

say our hellos but give it a bit of time

say our hellos but give it a bit of time and we’d pray make our excuses and God

and we’d pray make our excuses and God

and we’d pray make our excuses and God and as funny I was actually looking for

and as funny I was actually looking for

and as funny I was actually looking for a good image of me going out and I

a good image of me going out and I

a good image of me going out and I realized I don’t have any at all this is

realized I don’t have any at all this is

realized I don’t have any at all this is one of my two kids we ran out of you

one of my two kids we ran out of you

one of my two kids we ran out of you dinner one night and they had a great

dinner one night and they had a great

dinner one night and they had a great what we all had a great time but I don’t

what we all had a great time but I don’t

what we all had a great time but I don’t have any pictures really of me going out

have any pictures really of me going out

have any pictures really of me going out and partying I guess just cuz I like to

and partying I guess just cuz I like to

and partying I guess just cuz I like to keep that part of my life quite separate

keep that part of my life quite separate

keep that part of my life quite separate and quite you know under the radar and I

and quite you know under the radar and I

and quite you know under the radar and I guess then after my drinks I would come

guess then after my drinks I would come

guess then after my drinks I would come home and see my children and there’s the

home and see my children and there’s the

home and see my children and there’s the next version of me

next version of me

next version of me dad loving caring want to help but if

dad loving caring want to help but if

dad loving caring want to help but if you’re really naughty

you’re really naughty

you’re really naughty I’m afraid mummy says that I’m the

I’m afraid mummy says that I’m the

I’m afraid mummy says that I’m the hammer I’m the bad guy in the room and

hammer I’m the bad guy in the room and

hammer I’m the bad guy in the room and don’t get me started on how I behave you

don’t get me started on how I behave you

don’t get me started on how I behave you change when I’m around my parents my

change when I’m around my parents my

change when I’m around my parents my wife says that I revert to my in a 14

wife says that I revert to my in a 14

wife says that I revert to my in a 14 year old moody teenager whenever they’re

year old moody teenager whenever they’re

year old moody teenager whenever they’re around me so look I’ve described five

around me so look I’ve described five

around me so look I’ve described five situations five different situations and

situations five different situations and

situations five different situations and five different roles and for each one

five different roles and for each one

five different roles and for each one I’ve formulated a different personality

I’ve formulated a different personality

I’ve formulated a different personality and different so in a different mask I

and different so in a different mask I

and different so in a different mask I guess a different image of me and as

guess a different image of me and as

guess a different image of me and as I’ve gone through life I realized that

I’ve gone through life I realized that

I’ve gone through life I realized that I’ve adopted in skylit personas as the

I’ve adopted in skylit personas as the

I’ve adopted in skylit personas as the situation warranted I’ve had school

situation warranted I’ve had school

situation warranted I’ve had school child

child

child I’ve had university student I’ve had a

I’ve had university student I’ve had a

I’ve had university student I’ve had a new graduate employee I’ve had beginner

new graduate employee I’ve had beginner

new graduate employee I’ve had beginner athletes all evolved or thrown away to

athletes all evolved or thrown away to

athletes all evolved or thrown away to allow for experienced professional

allow for experienced professional

allow for experienced professional employer successful sports person father

employer successful sports person father

employer successful sports person father husband but actually there’s more

husband but actually there’s more

husband but actually there’s more complex than that and and the more I

complex than that and and the more I

complex than that and and the more I thought about this I realized or I

thought about this I realized or I

thought about this I realized or I believe that I have or we all have a

believe that I have or we all have a

believe that I have or we all have a slightly different persona for every

slightly different persona for every

slightly different persona for every single interaction that we’re in and we

single interaction that we’re in and we

single interaction that we’re in and we never use the same Serna twice

never use the same Serna twice

never use the same Serna twice with every interaction we have we shape

with every interaction we have we shape

with every interaction we have we shape we mold and we adjust who we are and I’m

we mold and we adjust who we are and I’m

we mold and we adjust who we are and I’m not look I’m not talking to me so Jack

not look I’m not talking to me so Jack

not look I’m not talking to me so Jack and dr. Hyde whichever way around it is

and dr. Hyde whichever way around it is

and dr. Hyde whichever way around it is I’m talking fractional differences but

I’m talking fractional differences but

I’m talking fractional differences but difference is nonetheless so let me take

difference is nonetheless so let me take

difference is nonetheless so let me take a step back and highlight that point

a step back and highlight that point

a step back and highlight that point what I’m saying is in every situation

what I’m saying is in every situation

what I’m saying is in every situation for every personal interaction we have a

for every personal interaction we have a

for every personal interaction we have a slightly different persona I’m sure you

slightly different persona I’m sure you

slightly different persona I’m sure you have the the the broad categories family

have the the the broad categories family

have the the the broad categories family friend co-worker and so forth but we

friend co-worker and so forth but we

friend co-worker and so forth but we also have a virtually infinite number of

also have a virtually infinite number of

also have a virtually infinite number of subcategories the retailer and we tailor

subcategories the retailer and we tailor

subcategories the retailer and we tailor to make a personality we believe is best

to make a personality we believe is best

to make a personality we believe is best suited to represent this in this

suited to represent this in this

suited to represent this in this specific situation differences may be

specific situation differences may be

specific situation differences may be large differences may be small but

large differences may be small but

large differences may be small but differences nonetheless and actually on

differences nonetheless and actually on

differences nonetheless and actually on on that note give me a second for quick

on that note give me a second for quick

on that note give me a second for quick indulgence here

indulgence here

indulgence here one of the ones design things I find

one of the ones design things I find

one of the ones design things I find fascinating maybe some being older but

fascinating maybe some being older but

fascinating maybe some being older but in social media and and Facebook and so

in social media and and Facebook and so

in social media and and Facebook and so forth and I see Facebook and there’s

forth and I see Facebook and there’s

forth and I see Facebook and there’s just this option or this ability for us

just this option or this ability for us

just this option or this ability for us to create totally free will of who you

to create totally free will of who you

to create totally free will of who you want to be who you are who you want the

want to be who you are who you want the

want to be who you are who you want the world to see you as and I think we do it

world to see you as and I think we do it

world to see you as and I think we do it subconsciously but you know I have

subconsciously but you know I have

subconsciously but you know I have friends and Facebook friends and guys I

friends and Facebook friends and guys I

friends and Facebook friends and guys I really like who never have a bad day in

really like who never have a bad day in

really like who never have a bad day in their life you know there they go from

their life you know there they go from

their life you know there they go from the promotion at work to the kid getting

the promotion at work to the kid getting

the promotion at work to the kid getting the top of the year to the skiing

the top of the year to the skiing

the top of the year to the skiing holiday and Sharmon a life is just a

holiday and Sharmon a life is just a

holiday and Sharmon a life is just a one-way lottery ticket and it’s I guess

one-way lottery ticket and it’s I guess

one-way lottery ticket and it’s I guess it’s all just basically done for them to

it’s all just basically done for them to

it’s all just basically done for them to try and give this impression themselves

try and give this impression themselves

try and give this impression themselves and that’s great that also has a dark

and that’s great that also has a dark

and that’s great that also has a dark side you know you think about it you

side you know you think about it you

side you know you think about it you think especially I see my children doing

think especially I see my children doing

think especially I see my children doing this and they kind of are trying to

this and they kind of are trying to

this and they kind of are trying to permanently have this perfect veneer of

permanently have this perfect veneer of

permanently have this perfect veneer of being you know infallible and I guess to

being you know infallible and I guess to

being you know infallible and I guess to some degree I think that’s worrying

some degree I think that’s worrying

some degree I think that’s worrying interesting enough on another side note

interesting enough on another side note

interesting enough on another side note I am a member of another social website

I am a member of another social website

I am a member of another social website which is a sports-related one and they

which is a sports-related one and they

which is a sports-related one and they recently had a promotion which said show

recently had a promotion which said show

recently had a promotion which said show the true you the real you you know the

the true you the real you you know the

the true you the real you you know the time you didn’t win the race the time

time you didn’t win the race the time

time you didn’t win the race the time you failed to work out or whatever warts

you failed to work out or whatever warts

you failed to work out or whatever warts and all that promotion went for one week

and all that promotion went for one week

and all that promotion went for one week before they cancelled it because no one

before they cancelled it because no one

before they cancelled it because no one entered it so I guess it shows you what

entered it so I guess it shows you what

entered it so I guess it shows you what people really are doing

people really are doing

people really are doing and I guess I don’t think about that and

and I guess I don’t think about that and

and I guess I don’t think about that and what people post about themselves and

what people post about themselves and

what people post about themselves and and what they will and will not post it

and what they will and will not post it

and what they will and will not post it also makes me wonder a little bit you

also makes me wonder a little bit you

also makes me wonder a little bit you know do we have our own masks to reflect

know do we have our own masks to reflect

know do we have our own masks to reflect inwardly do we have our persona for our

inwardly do we have our persona for our

inwardly do we have our persona for our self I I always find it enlightening to

self I I always find it enlightening to

self I I always find it enlightening to hear what enlightening and possibly

hear what enlightening and possibly

hear what enlightening and possibly cringe-worthy to hear what somebody else

cringe-worthy to hear what somebody else

cringe-worthy to hear what somebody else thinks of you and I wonder whether

thinks of you and I wonder whether

thinks of you and I wonder whether that’s because secretly I’ve been

that’s because secretly I’ve been

that’s because secretly I’ve been fooling myself about Who I am so I guess

fooling myself about Who I am so I guess

fooling myself about Who I am so I guess I can finish by asking two questions the

I can finish by asking two questions the

I can finish by asking two questions the first thing I would say why do we do

first thing I would say why do we do

first thing I would say why do we do this you know why don’t we just be

this you know why don’t we just be

this you know why don’t we just be ourselves why do we be the true you why

ourselves why do we be the true you why

ourselves why do we be the true you why why do we have these masks no I think

why do we have these masks no I think

why do we have these masks no I think this is pretty simple right I mean it’s

this is pretty simple right I mean it’s

this is pretty simple right I mean it’s a way of fitting in is a method of

a way of fitting in is a method of

a way of fitting in is a method of homogenizing ourselves in a given set of

homogenizing ourselves in a given set of

homogenizing ourselves in a given set of circumstances you know playing the part

circumstances you know playing the part

circumstances you know playing the part we feel as needed providing worth to the

we feel as needed providing worth to the

we feel as needed providing worth to the group and being rewarded with acceptance

group and being rewarded with acceptance

group and being rewarded with acceptance it’s it’s mimicry adapt ation to what we

it’s it’s mimicry adapt ation to what we

it’s it’s mimicry adapt ation to what we think the group needs what the group

think the group needs what the group

think the group needs what the group wants and what everybody has and it’s

wants and what everybody has and it’s

wants and what everybody has and it’s solely designed to engender empathy and

solely designed to engender empathy and

solely designed to engender empathy and acceptance and social cohesion but it

acceptance and social cohesion but it

acceptance and social cohesion but it does give rise finishing sort of sub

does give rise finishing sort of sub

does give rise finishing sort of sub question here does the formation of this

question here does the formation of this

question here does the formation of this one persona to align the needs with one

one persona to align the needs with one

one persona to align the needs with one group actually make us more likely to be

group actually make us more likely to be

group actually make us more likely to be disliked by another group and I

disliked by another group and I

disliked by another group and I australia/new a simple example would say

australia/new a simple example would say

australia/new a simple example would say I’m a Manchester United fan and say I

I’m a Manchester United fan and say I

I’m a Manchester United fan and say I wear the t-shirt and I go to the matches

wear the t-shirt and I go to the matches

wear the t-shirt and I go to the matches and I have a bumper sticker on my car

and I have a bumper sticker on my car

and I have a bumper sticker on my car does that mean the Arsenal fan next door

does that mean the Arsenal fan next door

does that mean the Arsenal fan next door now thinks I’m a jerk and doesn’t want

now thinks I’m a jerk and doesn’t want

now thinks I’m a jerk and doesn’t want to hang out with me

to hang out with me

to hang out with me and I know nothing about football maybe

and I know nothing about football maybe

and I know nothing about football maybe Manchester United in Arsenal fans we

Manchester United in Arsenal fans we

Manchester United in Arsenal fans we aren’t great together but it’s an

aren’t great together but it’s an

aren’t great together but it’s an example of where you know a persona

example of where you know a persona

example of where you know a persona formation to improve the relationships

formation to improve the relationships

formation to improve the relationships one group may actually minish it another

one group may actually minish it another

one group may actually minish it another group and yes your football is pretty

group and yes your football is pretty

group and yes your football is pretty simplistic but nationalistic or

simplistic but nationalistic or

simplistic but nationalistic or religious examples are much more

religious examples are much more

religious examples are much more significant my second question is

significant my second question is

significant my second question is possibly more important and that is who

possibly more important and that is who

possibly more important and that is who are we really

are we really

are we really and I’ve spent the last few minutes

and I’ve spent the last few minutes

and I’ve spent the last few minutes talking about the fact that we have near

talking about the fact that we have near

talking about the fact that we have near infinite options for a persona or we

infinite options for a persona or we

infinite options for a persona or we spent a lifetime shaping and crafting

spent a lifetime shaping and crafting

spent a lifetime shaping and crafting our constructs into the person we want

our constructs into the person we want

our constructs into the person we want to be and the person we want us to see

to be and the person we want us to see

to be and the person we want us to see us as but which one of those themes is

us as but which one of those themes is

us as but which one of those themes is the real me because let’s face it no one

the real me because let’s face it no one

the real me because let’s face it no one wants to admit that they have a mark

wants to admit that they have a mark

wants to admit that they have a mark scorn that they may you know have a

scorn that they may you know have a

scorn that they may you know have a given persona specifically crafted for a

given persona specifically crafted for a

given persona specifically crafted for a situation it kind of feels like lying or

situation it kind of feels like lying or

situation it kind of feels like lying or deceiving well as writing this talk I

deceiving well as writing this talk I

deceiving well as writing this talk I went and tried to find some synonyms for

went and tried to find some synonyms for

went and tried to find some synonyms for trying to find out what the word I

trying to find out what the word I

trying to find out what the word I trying to think of were and I got things

trying to think of were and I got things

trying to think of were and I got things back like disguised veneer facade nor

back like disguised veneer facade nor

back like disguised veneer facade nor sound like some kind of fakery some

sound like some kind of fakery some

sound like some kind of fakery some trickery and and something I shouldn’t

trickery and and something I shouldn’t

trickery and and something I shouldn’t be doing in public you know I should

be doing in public you know I should

be doing in public you know I should just be must be me

just be must be me

just be must be me so it’s been a long time think about why

so it’s been a long time think about why

so it’s been a long time think about why no who are we really and I I think I’ve

no who are we really and I I think I’ve

no who are we really and I I think I’ve come up with an answer I think when it

come up with an answer I think when it

come up with an answer I think when it comes down to it I believe we’re all the

comes down to it I believe we’re all the

comes down to it I believe we’re all the sum total of our own personal constructs

sum total of our own personal constructs

sum total of our own personal constructs if you add every one of those attributes

if you add every one of those attributes

if you add every one of those attributes from each one of the persona and so I’ve

from each one of the persona and so I’ve

from each one of the persona and so I’ve constructed for others all the

constructed for others all the

constructed for others all the impressions I give to other people all

impressions I give to other people all

impressions I give to other people all the characteristics I like to believe I

the characteristics I like to believe I

the characteristics I like to believe I have in myself then that average where

have in myself then that average where

have in myself then that average where those lines all interact or where they

those lines all interact or where they

those lines all interact or where they meet then that is the true me I mean

meet then that is the true me I mean

meet then that is the true me I mean that is Who I am really thank you very

that is Who I am really thank you very

that is Who I am really thank you very much

much

much [Applause]