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Parenting a Gender Non-Conforming Child | Michele Yulo | TEDxUtica


so when we find out that someone is

so when we find out that someone is having a baby what is the very first

having a baby what is the very first

having a baby what is the very first question we ask boy or girl

question we ask boy or girl

question we ask boy or girl and it’s this knowledge of the sex of a

and it’s this knowledge of the sex of a

and it’s this knowledge of the sex of a baby pre-birth that will set a child on

baby pre-birth that will set a child on

baby pre-birth that will set a child on a specific gender path a gender path

a specific gender path a gender path

a specific gender path a gender path that will determine so much of how their

that will determine so much of how their

that will determine so much of how their lives unfold we’re all conditioned to

lives unfold we’re all conditioned to

lives unfold we’re all conditioned to seeing the world through this lens pink

seeing the world through this lens pink

seeing the world through this lens pink blue girl boy often it takes something

blue girl boy often it takes something

blue girl boy often it takes something unusual for us to change our perception

unusual for us to change our perception

unusual for us to change our perception in 2005 I had my one and only child and

in 2005 I had my one and only child and

in 2005 I had my one and only child and at 16 weeks I did my husband and I found

at 16 weeks I did my husband and I found

at 16 weeks I did my husband and I found out the sex and we were thrilled to

out the sex and we were thrilled to

out the sex and we were thrilled to learn that we were having a girl of

learn that we were having a girl of

learn that we were having a girl of course we would have been absolutely

course we would have been absolutely

course we would have been absolutely fine either way

fine either way

fine either way weight or girl but somehow being a woman

weight or girl but somehow being a woman

weight or girl but somehow being a woman myself I felt more comfortable with the

myself I felt more comfortable with the

myself I felt more comfortable with the idea that I was having a girl I thought

idea that I was having a girl I thought

idea that I was having a girl I thought I’ll be able to relate to her she’ll be

I’ll be able to relate to her she’ll be

I’ll be able to relate to her she’ll be able to relate to me well from the time

able to relate to me well from the time

able to relate to me well from the time that my daughter Gabby could walk and

that my daughter Gabby could walk and

that my daughter Gabby could walk and talk she did not subscribe to any

talk she did not subscribe to any

talk she did not subscribe to any preconceived ideas of girliness in fact

preconceived ideas of girliness in fact

preconceived ideas of girliness in fact she didn’t want to be anything like me

she didn’t want to be anything like me

she didn’t want to be anything like me she wanted to be more like my husband

she wanted to be more like my husband

she wanted to be more like my husband and my husband is a carpenter and so

and my husband is a carpenter and so

and my husband is a carpenter and so when Gabby was really little

when Gabby was really little

when Gabby was really little she asked for a real tool belt she had

she asked for a real tool belt she had

she asked for a real tool belt she had to have had to be a real one it couldn’t

to have had to be a real one it couldn’t

to have had to be a real one it couldn’t have been a toy one when she would wake

have been a toy one when she would wake

have been a toy one when she would wake up in the morning to go to pre-k she

up in the morning to go to pre-k she

up in the morning to go to pre-k she would say what’s daddy wearing because

would say what’s daddy wearing because

would say what’s daddy wearing because she wanted to dress exactly like him so

she wanted to dress exactly like him so

she wanted to dress exactly like him so invariably when we would go shopping

invariably when we would go shopping

invariably when we would go shopping there was nothing she liked in girls

there was nothing she liked in girls

there was nothing she liked in girls departments and so instead we would

departments and so instead we would

departments and so instead we would wander through the boy aisles looking

wander through the boy aisles looking

wander through the boy aisles looking for everything from clothing to toys so

for everything from clothing to toys so

for everything from clothing to toys so girls t-shirts typically consisted of

girls t-shirts typically consisted of

girls t-shirts typically consisted of pastel colors with images of things like

pastel colors with images of things like

pastel colors with images of things like butterflies and cupcakes while boys got

butterflies and cupcakes while boys got

butterflies and cupcakes while boys got the primary colors with images of things

the primary colors with images of things

the primary colors with images of things like sports graphics for dinosaurs or

like sports graphics for dinosaurs or

like sports graphics for dinosaurs or rock bands

rock bands

rock bands well Gabby liked superheroes not Barbies

well Gabby liked superheroes not Barbies

well Gabby liked superheroes not Barbies she preferred pirates to princesses

she preferred pirates to princesses

she preferred pirates to princesses often we would get funny looks as we

often we would get funny looks as we

often we would get funny looks as we wandered through the boy islands looking

wandered through the boy islands looking

wandered through the boy islands looking for things like

for things like

for things like Star Wars merchandise and sometimes I

Star Wars merchandise and sometimes I

Star Wars merchandise and sometimes I would hear a mother saying to her

would hear a mother saying to her

would hear a mother saying to her daughter

daughter

daughter oh no honey you can’t go over there and

oh no honey you can’t go over there and

oh no honey you can’t go over there and that’s that’s just for boys or a parent

that’s that’s just for boys or a parent

that’s that’s just for boys or a parent telling their son he wasn’t allowed to

telling their son he wasn’t allowed to

telling their son he wasn’t allowed to look at the dolls because dolls are just

look at the dolls because dolls are just

look at the dolls because dolls are just for girls and my heart would just break

for girls and my heart would just break

for girls and my heart would just break Gabby loved superheroes when she was

Gabby loved superheroes when she was

Gabby loved superheroes when she was three she was spider-man for Halloween

three she was spider-man for Halloween

three she was spider-man for Halloween when she was four she was Batman and

when she was four she was Batman and

when she was four she was Batman and when she was five she was Indiana Jones

when she was five she was Indiana Jones

when she was five she was Indiana Jones she was fiercely strong-willed at the

she was fiercely strong-willed at the

she was fiercely strong-willed at the ripe old age of three as her mother I

ripe old age of three as her mother I

ripe old age of three as her mother I could see that her personal identity was

could see that her personal identity was

could see that her personal identity was tremendously important to her but it was

tremendously important to her but it was

tremendously important to her but it was equally important that my husband and I

equally important that my husband and I

equally important that my husband and I allow her to be whoever she wanted to be

allow her to be whoever she wanted to be

allow her to be whoever she wanted to be but I’ll be honest that’s not always as

but I’ll be honest that’s not always as

but I’ll be honest that’s not always as easy as it sounds right we all say to

easy as it sounds right we all say to

easy as it sounds right we all say to our kids you can be anything you want to

our kids you can be anything you want to

our kids you can be anything you want to be but do we really mean it

be but do we really mean it

be but do we really mean it do we really allow them to make their

do we really allow them to make their

do we really allow them to make their own choices about who they want to be or

own choices about who they want to be or

own choices about who they want to be or do we limit those choices based on

do we limit those choices based on

do we limit those choices based on whether they are a girl or a boy so when

whether they are a girl or a boy so when

whether they are a girl or a boy so when Gabby was seven she asked for a buzz cut

Gabby was seven she asked for a buzz cut

Gabby was seven she asked for a buzz cut and she already had short hair and one

and she already had short hair and one

and she already had short hair and one day she said to me mom if boys can have

day she said to me mom if boys can have

day she said to me mom if boys can have a buzz cut why can’t girls and there was

a buzz cut why can’t girls and there was

a buzz cut why can’t girls and there was nothing I could say to that she was

nothing I could say to that she was

nothing I could say to that she was absolutely right

absolutely right

absolutely right it was her hair it was her choice I did

it was her hair it was her choice I did

it was her hair it was her choice I did say to her Gabby if you buzz your hair I

say to her Gabby if you buzz your hair I

say to her Gabby if you buzz your hair I just want you to know people might look

just want you to know people might look

just want you to know people might look at you funny kids can be mean

at you funny kids can be mean

at you funny kids can be mean they might say things to you are you

they might say things to you are you

they might say things to you are you okay with that she told me she was fine

okay with that she told me she was fine

okay with that she told me she was fine with it so off we went to the

with it so off we went to the

with it so off we went to the hairdresser buzzed her hair off she

hairdresser buzzed her hair off she

hairdresser buzzed her hair off she looked adorable she was all smiles she

looked adorable she was all smiles she

looked adorable she was all smiles she could not have been happier

could not have been happier

could not have been happier and I knew right at that moment that

and I knew right at that moment that

and I knew right at that moment that allowing her to walk out into the world

allowing her to walk out into the world

allowing her to walk out into the world how she wanted to walk out into the

how she wanted to walk out into the

how she wanted to walk out into the world was what mattered

world was what mattered

world was what mattered not instilling my vision or society’s

not instilling my vision or society’s

not instilling my vision or society’s vision of who she should be but by

vision of who she should be but by

vision of who she should be but by allowing her to be true to her truest

allowing her to be true to her truest

allowing her to be true to her truest self shortly after she got her buzz cut

self shortly after she got her buzz cut

self shortly after she got her buzz cut we were at a local community pool that

we were at a local community pool that

we were at a local community pool that we belong to and a woman I had been

we belong to and a woman I had been

we belong to and a woman I had been introduced to had a couple kids running

introduced to had a couple kids running

introduced to had a couple kids running around came up to me and said is that

around came up to me and said is that

around came up to me and said is that your daughter running around with the

your daughter running around with the

your daughter running around with the buzzcut and the board shorts

buzzcut and the board shorts

buzzcut and the board shorts and I told her it was and she said III

and I told her it was and she said III

and I told her it was and she said III think it’s great that you let her cut

think it’s great that you let her cut

think it’s great that you let her cut her hair like that and then she

her hair like that and then she

her hair like that and then she proceeded to tell me a story about when

proceeded to tell me a story about when

proceeded to tell me a story about when she was a little girl she had two

she was a little girl she had two

she was a little girl she had two brothers and she dressed just like them

brothers and she dressed just like them

brothers and she dressed just like them she played with them and she loved being

she played with them and she loved being

she played with them and she loved being like them she said the first day of

like them she said the first day of

like them she said the first day of school came around and her mother she

school came around and her mother she

school came around and her mother she dressed like her brothers and her mother

dressed like her brothers and her mother

dressed like her brothers and her mother made her change into what she said was a

made her change into what she said was a

made her change into what she said was a stiff lacy

stiff lacy

stiff lacy dress and she looked at me really sadly

dress and she looked at me really sadly

dress and she looked at me really sadly and she said I can still feel that lace

and she said I can still feel that lace

and she said I can still feel that lace scratching on my skin it just made me

scratching on my skin it just made me

scratching on my skin it just made me realize the tremendous impact we have as

realize the tremendous impact we have as

realize the tremendous impact we have as parents on our kids so the idea that all

parents on our kids so the idea that all

parents on our kids so the idea that all girls want to be princess or are somehow

girls want to be princess or are somehow

girls want to be princess or are somehow hardwired to all things pink was a myth

hardwired to all things pink was a myth

hardwired to all things pink was a myth it was being proven wrong right in front

it was being proven wrong right in front

it was being proven wrong right in front of my eyes I started to do some research

of my eyes I started to do some research

of my eyes I started to do some research and I discovered lo and behold that pink

and I discovered lo and behold that pink

and I discovered lo and behold that pink was not always a girl’s color according

was not always a girl’s color according

was not always a girl’s color according to a great article in Smithsonian

to a great article in Smithsonian

to a great article in Smithsonian magazine called when did girls start

magazine called when did girls start

magazine called when did girls start wearing pink and actually in the late

wearing pink and actually in the late

wearing pink and actually in the late 19th century blue was seen as a more

19th century blue was seen as a more

19th century blue was seen as a more feminine color and more girls wore it

feminine color and more girls wore it

feminine color and more girls wore it and pink was seen as a variation of red

and pink was seen as a variation of red

and pink was seen as a variation of red which was more masculine it actually

which was more masculine it actually

which was more masculine it actually wasn’t until the 1940s when companies

wasn’t until the 1940s when companies

wasn’t until the 1940s when companies began to get a hold of color and use it

began to get a hold of color and use it

began to get a hold of color and use it in that way by gender and it actually

in that way by gender and it actually

in that way by gender and it actually exploded in the late 90s early 2000s

exploded in the late 90s early 2000s

exploded in the late 90s early 2000s when pink and princess became even

when pink and princess became even

when pink and princess became even bigger for girls and now companies like

bigger for girls and now companies like

bigger for girls and now companies like Disney inundate girls especially with

Disney inundate girls especially with

Disney inundate girls especially with all things pink and princess from birth

all things pink and princess from birth

all things pink and princess from birth it’s a five billion dollar industry for

it’s a five billion dollar industry for

it’s a five billion dollar industry for them so we did take a beat to Disney

them so we did take a beat to Disney

them so we did take a beat to Disney World when she was little

World when she was little

World when she was little and she she had her short hair and her

and she she had her short hair and her

and she she had her short hair and her shorts and we walked up to the hotel

shorts and we walked up to the hotel

shorts and we walked up to the hotel counter at Disney World and the woman

counter at Disney World and the woman

counter at Disney World and the woman behind the counter was lovely and she

behind the counter was lovely and she

behind the counter was lovely and she looked over at Gabby and she looked at

looked over at Gabby and she looked at

looked over at Gabby and she looked at me and she said oh and is this your

me and she said oh and is this your

me and she said oh and is this your little prince and I said no and she’s

little prince and I said no and she’s

little prince and I said no and she’s not a princess either and the woman

not a princess either and the woman

not a princess either and the woman looked really confused she didn’t know

looked really confused she didn’t know

looked really confused she didn’t know what to do with that shouldn’t there be

what to do with that shouldn’t there be

what to do with that shouldn’t there be a lot more options between Prince and

a lot more options between Prince and

a lot more options between Prince and Princess John F Kennedy said conformity

Princess John F Kennedy said conformity

Princess John F Kennedy said conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy

is the jailer of freedom and the enemy

is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth conformity leads to

of growth conformity leads to

of growth conformity leads to stereotypes stereotypes lead to

stereotypes stereotypes lead to

stereotypes stereotypes lead to limitations and yet we as a society

limitations and yet we as a society

limitations and yet we as a society punish those who are different and who

punish those who are different and who

punish those who are different and who don’t conform right it seems we’ve lost

don’t conform right it seems we’ve lost

don’t conform right it seems we’ve lost that in-between this to allow children

that in-between this to allow children

that in-between this to allow children the space to explore their own unique

the space to explore their own unique

the space to explore their own unique identities we see this intolerance in

identities we see this intolerance in

identities we see this intolerance in the media incessant ly right a girl who

the media incessant ly right a girl who

the media incessant ly right a girl who cuts her hair short or wears boy

cuts her hair short or wears boy

cuts her hair short or wears boy clothing or likes things like Star Wars

clothing or likes things like Star Wars

clothing or likes things like Star Wars or a little boy who paints his nails

or a little boy who paints his nails

or a little boy who paints his nails wants to wear the color pink or grows

wants to wear the color pink or grows

wants to wear the color pink or grows his hair long are all victims of intense

his hair long are all victims of intense

his hair long are all victims of intense media scrutiny right socially these kids

media scrutiny right socially these kids

media scrutiny right socially these kids can experience bullying or sometimes

can experience bullying or sometimes

can experience bullying or sometimes it’s actually the opposite sometimes

it’s actually the opposite sometimes

it’s actually the opposite sometimes kids who step outside gender lines are

kids who step outside gender lines are

kids who step outside gender lines are viewed as courageous but I don’t believe

viewed as courageous but I don’t believe

viewed as courageous but I don’t believe that kids should have to be brave to be

that kids should have to be brave to be

that kids should have to be brave to be who they are but as parents we have to

who they are but as parents we have to

who they are but as parents we have to be because kids are bombarded every

be because kids are bombarded every

be because kids are bombarded every single day with images product and

single day with images product and

single day with images product and advertising and language that look to

advertising and language that look to

advertising and language that look to trap them and put them in boxes take a

trap them and put them in boxes take a

trap them and put them in boxes take a look at these two magazine covers of

look at these two magazine covers of

look at these two magazine covers of girls life and boys life magazines these

girls life and boys life magazines these

girls life and boys life magazines these were this picture of these two magazines

were this picture of these two magazines

were this picture of these two magazines side-by-side were taken in a library

side-by-side were taken in a library

side-by-side were taken in a library last year

last year

last year and while they’re not published by the

and while they’re not published by the

and while they’re not published by the same company they highlight some very

same company they highlight some very

same company they highlight some very real and disturbing differences and how

real and disturbing differences and how

real and disturbing differences and how we view girls and boys and what each is

we view girls and boys and what each is

we view girls and boys and what each is exposed to so for girls it’s all about

exposed to so for girls it’s all about

exposed to so for girls it’s all about fashion and how we look how to wake up

fashion and how we look how to wake up

fashion and how we look how to wake up pretty or your dream hair for boys it’s

pretty or your dream hair for boys it’s

pretty or your dream hair for boys it’s all about action and doing explore your

all about action and doing explore your

all about action and doing explore your future astronaut artist firefighter chef

future astronaut artist firefighter chef

future astronaut artist firefighter chef here’s how to be what you want to be

here’s how to be what you want to be

here’s how to be what you want to be when I saw these two magazine covers my

when I saw these two magazine covers my

when I saw these two magazine covers my head just about exploded and though I

head just about exploded and though I

head just about exploded and though I was really angry I wasn’t shocked I’d

was really angry I wasn’t shocked I’d

was really angry I wasn’t shocked I’d already seen books that taught girls how

already seen books that taught girls how

already seen books that taught girls how to be more gorgeous and fabulous and

to be more gorgeous and fabulous and

to be more gorgeous and fabulous and boys how to be clever and smarter years

boys how to be clever and smarter years

boys how to be clever and smarter years ago I wrote a blog post about these two

ago I wrote a blog post about these two

ago I wrote a blog post about these two rattles one is for girls and one is for

rattles one is for girls and one is for

rattles one is for girls and one is for boys I’m sure you can tell the

boys I’m sure you can tell the

boys I’m sure you can tell the difference the one for girls said says

difference the one for girls said says

difference the one for girls said says for a sweet baby girl it’s pink and

for a sweet baby girl it’s pink and

for a sweet baby girl it’s pink and purple it’s in the shape of a diamond

purple it’s in the shape of a diamond

purple it’s in the shape of a diamond ring and the one for boy says for a busy

ring and the one for boy says for a busy

ring and the one for boy says for a busy baby boy it’s blue and yellow it’s in

baby boy it’s blue and yellow it’s in

baby boy it’s blue and yellow it’s in the shape of a hammer because eventually

the shape of a hammer because eventually

the shape of a hammer because eventually boys will learn that they have to do the

boys will learn that they have to do the

boys will learn that they have to do the hard work so they can afford to put that

hard work so they can afford to put that

hard work so they can afford to put that diamond ring on a girl’s finger

it’s the truth but I ask you why do

it’s the truth but I ask you why do rattles need to be gendered right it may

rattles need to be gendered right it may

rattles need to be gendered right it may seem innocuous right you may be sitting

seem innocuous right you may be sitting

seem innocuous right you may be sitting there thinking they’re just babies you

there thinking they’re just babies you

there thinking they’re just babies you buy them they don’t know what they’re

buy them they don’t know what they’re

buy them they don’t know what they’re looking at but these the reality is that

looking at but these the reality is that

looking at but these the reality is that these stereotypes set in and attach

these stereotypes set in and attach

these stereotypes set in and attach themselves like a second skin that will

themselves like a second skin that will

themselves like a second skin that will follow a child all the way through

follow a child all the way through

follow a child all the way through adulthood rattles are just the beginning

adulthood rattles are just the beginning

adulthood rattles are just the beginning of an endless stream of images they will

of an endless stream of images they will

of an endless stream of images they will be exposed to dr. Lisa Elliot is author

be exposed to dr. Lisa Elliot is author

be exposed to dr. Lisa Elliot is author of a wonderful book called pink brain

of a wonderful book called pink brain

of a wonderful book called pink brain blue brain she says quote gender is the

blue brain she says quote gender is the

blue brain she says quote gender is the first most obvious and most significant

first most obvious and most significant

first most obvious and most significant attribute each of us shows the world and

attribute each of us shows the world and

attribute each of us shows the world and infants understand much more about

infants understand much more about

infants understand much more about gender than we ever used to give them

gender than we ever used to give them

gender than we ever used to give them credit for end quote

credit for end quote

credit for end quote we put bows on female babies heads don’t

we put bows on female babies heads don’t

we put bows on female babies heads don’t have no hair so they’ll immediately be

have no hair so they’ll immediately be

have no hair so they’ll immediately be identified as girls and little baby boys

identified as girls and little baby boys

identified as girls and little baby boys might wear but onesie that says little

might wear but onesie that says little

might wear but onesie that says little man I grew up in the 70s and 80s when

man I grew up in the 70s and 80s when

man I grew up in the 70s and 80s when product and advertising especially for

product and advertising especially for

product and advertising especially for kids reflected a kind of freedom for

kids reflected a kind of freedom for

kids reflected a kind of freedom for there for them to be able to explore if

there for them to be able to explore if

there for them to be able to explore if you see these ads these are Lego ads

you see these ads these are Lego ads

you see these ads these are Lego ads actually from the early 80s you can see

actually from the early 80s you can see

actually from the early 80s you can see there’s not a lot of pink kids aren’t

there’s not a lot of pink kids aren’t

there’s not a lot of pink kids aren’t separated boy and girl in the same ad

separated boy and girl in the same ad

separated boy and girl in the same ad playing with the same toy a little girl

playing with the same toy a little girl

playing with the same toy a little girl in blue jeans with a blue shirt the text

in blue jeans with a blue shirt the text

in blue jeans with a blue shirt the text addresses them as children not as boy

addresses them as children not as boy

addresses them as children not as boy and girl you’d be hard-pressed to find

and girl you’d be hard-pressed to find

and girl you’d be hard-pressed to find ads like this today

ads like this today

ads like this today now Lego makes what’s called LEGO

now Lego makes what’s called LEGO

now Lego makes what’s called LEGO Friends it’s a separate line of building

Friends it’s a separate line of building

Friends it’s a separate line of building toys just for girls and I can tell you

toys just for girls and I can tell you

toys just for girls and I can tell you that separate is not equal here there’s

that separate is not equal here there’s

that separate is not equal here there’s quite a difference

quite a difference

quite a difference so I grew up with two brothers right

so I grew up with two brothers right

so I grew up with two brothers right here in North Utica we all had one big

here in North Utica we all had one big

here in North Utica we all had one big wheel it was red yellow and blue I think

wheel it was red yellow and blue I think

wheel it was red yellow and blue I think probably many of you will remember it

probably many of you will remember it

probably many of you will remember it but now they make one for girls as well

but now they make one for girls as well

but now they make one for girls as well so basically companies convince parents

so basically companies convince parents

so basically companies convince parents and kids right that girls need to have a

and kids right that girls need to have a

and kids right that girls need to have a pink version of everything while boys

pink version of everything while boys

pink version of everything while boys are not allowed to like the color pink

are not allowed to like the color pink

are not allowed to like the color pink and wall out they have twice the profit

and wall out they have twice the profit

and wall out they have twice the profit we all buy into this notion even as

we all buy into this notion even as

we all buy into this notion even as adults I don’t know if you saw that bik

adults I don’t know if you saw that bik

adults I don’t know if you saw that bik makes pens for women they’re pink and

makes pens for women they’re pink and

makes pens for women they’re pink and they have some kind of special grip

they have some kind of special grip

they have some kind of special grip because we have special hands I guess

because we have special hands I guess

because we have special hands I guess truth be told though things are

truth be told though things are

truth be told though things are beginning to shift and and I noticed

beginning to shift and and I noticed

beginning to shift and and I noticed this all the time it’s not enough but

this all the time it’s not enough but

this all the time it’s not enough but things are beginning to shift for

things are beginning to shift for

things are beginning to shift for instance in 2015 the huge retail giant

instance in 2015 the huge retail giant

instance in 2015 the huge retail giant target actually announced they were

target actually announced they were

target actually announced they were going to be removing their gender

going to be removing their gender

going to be removing their gender identify errs from their toy aisles and

identify errs from their toy aisles and

identify errs from their toy aisles and and believe it or not this was seen as

and believe it or not this was seen as

and believe it or not this was seen as huge news so basically it wasn’t gonna

huge news so basically it wasn’t gonna

huge news so basically it wasn’t gonna say girls building toys anymore and boys

say girls building toys anymore and boys

say girls building toys anymore and boys building toys it was just going to say

building toys it was just going to say

building toys it was just going to say building toys and the move was met with

building toys and the move was met with

building toys and the move was met with some hearty approval but also some very

some hearty approval but also some very

some hearty approval but also some very heavy disapproval as some wondered why

heavy disapproval as some wondered why

heavy disapproval as some wondered why was target making it harder for them to

was target making it harder for them to

was target making it harder for them to find stuff for their kids and why

find stuff for their kids and why

find stuff for their kids and why couldn’t target just let girls be girls

couldn’t target just let girls be girls

couldn’t target just let girls be girls and boys be boys but more and more we do

and boys be boys but more and more we do

and boys be boys but more and more we do see the idea of gender nonconformity

see the idea of gender nonconformity

see the idea of gender nonconformity being rewarded and appreciated indeed

being rewarded and appreciated indeed

being rewarded and appreciated indeed time takes time takes persistence hard

time takes time takes persistence hard

time takes time takes persistence hard work so my daughter is now 12 and she is

work so my daughter is now 12 and she is

work so my daughter is now 12 and she is in seventh grade and she plays baseball

in seventh grade and she plays baseball

in seventh grade and she plays baseball she does not play softball and she

she does not play softball and she

she does not play softball and she doesn’t want to play softball she’s been

doesn’t want to play softball she’s been

doesn’t want to play softball she’s been playing since she was 4 she is a really

playing since she was 4 she is a really

playing since she was 4 she is a really good player she puts in the hard work

good player she puts in the hard work

good player she puts in the hard work she’s on a middle-school team and she’s

she’s on a middle-school team and she’s

she’s on a middle-school team and she’s on her local travel team as the only

on her local travel team as the only

on her local travel team as the only girl do I know how far she’s going to go

girl do I know how far she’s going to go

girl do I know how far she’s going to go no am I gonna tell her that she can’t

no am I gonna tell her that she can’t

no am I gonna tell her that she can’t keep playing no I see her and children

keep playing no I see her and children

keep playing no I see her and children like her as a natural-born leader

like her as a natural-born leader

like her as a natural-born leader someone who is breaking down barriers

someone who is breaking down barriers

someone who is breaking down barriers without even knowing that she’s doing it

without even knowing that she’s doing it

without even knowing that she’s doing it just by going out into the world as she

just by going out into the world as she

just by going out into the world as she is don’t we need and

is don’t we need and

is don’t we need and more kids like this so I asked you what

more kids like this so I asked you what

more kids like this so I asked you what would happen if we didn’t place limits

would happen if we didn’t place limits

would happen if we didn’t place limits on children based on their gender

on children based on their gender

on children based on their gender wouldn’t it be amazing to say to our

wouldn’t it be amazing to say to our

wouldn’t it be amazing to say to our kids you can be anything you want to be

kids you can be anything you want to be

kids you can be anything you want to be and mean it this is what we can teach

and mean it this is what we can teach

and mean it this is what we can teach our kids not to let arbitraries

our kids not to let arbitraries

our kids not to let arbitraries arbitrary boundaries limit them we have

arbitrary boundaries limit them we have

arbitrary boundaries limit them we have the capability as parents to open up

the capability as parents to open up

the capability as parents to open up their worlds so that they truly have

their worlds so that they truly have

their worlds so that they truly have endless opportunities from which to

endless opportunities from which to

endless opportunities from which to choose and isn’t that what we all want

choose and isn’t that what we all want

choose and isn’t that what we all want for our kids thank you

for our kids thank you

for our kids thank you [Applause]

”

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