hi I once heard it said that if you don’t know where you’re going any road
don’t know where you’re going any road
don’t know where you’re going any road can take you there
can take you there
can take you there well I think you TEDx audiences have a
well I think you TEDx audiences have a
well I think you TEDx audiences have a pretty good sense of where you’re going
pretty good sense of where you’re going
pretty good sense of where you’re going perhaps it’s getting better at your job
perhaps it’s getting better at your job
perhaps it’s getting better at your job getting a better job or maybe just
getting a better job or maybe just
getting a better job or maybe just becoming a better person so I think you
becoming a better person so I think you
becoming a better person so I think you have a sense of where you’re going but
have a sense of where you’re going but
have a sense of where you’re going but like all of us maybe not quite a sense
like all of us maybe not quite a sense
like all of us maybe not quite a sense of how to get there you could read a
of how to get there you could read a
of how to get there you could read a book there are plenty of them on the
book there are plenty of them on the
book there are plenty of them on the market you could wing it but the odds of
market you could wing it but the odds of
market you could wing it but the odds of success there are kind of slim or I
success there are kind of slim or I
success there are kind of slim or I could introduce you to what I call the
could introduce you to what I call the
could introduce you to what I call the contribution code it’s three B’s that
contribution code it’s three B’s that
contribution code it’s three B’s that show you the house of how to find and
show you the house of how to find and
show you the house of how to find and take that road to get you with what you
take that road to get you with what you
take that road to get you with what you want to be and where you want to be but
want to be and where you want to be but
want to be and where you want to be but first let me tell you where the code
first let me tell you where the code
first let me tell you where the code comes from it all starts with a little
comes from it all starts with a little
comes from it all starts with a little girl surrounded by three boys actually
girl surrounded by three boys actually
girl surrounded by three boys actually they were her brothers two younger and
they were her brothers two younger and
they were her brothers two younger and one older they were great friends their
one older they were great friends their
one older they were great friends their parents told them that they were a gift
parents told them that they were a gift
parents told them that they were a gift to one another growing up
to one another growing up
to one another growing up the Big Brother took his kid sister with
the Big Brother took his kid sister with
the Big Brother took his kid sister with him everywhere and when his friend said
him everywhere and when his friend said
him everywhere and when his friend said why did you bring a girl his answer was
why did you bring a girl his answer was
why did you bring a girl his answer was she’s not a girl she’s my sister and the
she’s not a girl she’s my sister and the
she’s not a girl she’s my sister and the girl learned that she was special had
girl learned that she was special had
girl learned that she was special had you been there when they went to the
you been there when they went to the
you been there when they went to the baseball field you would have always
baseball field you would have always
baseball field you would have always seen the big brother choose his sister
seen the big brother choose his sister
seen the big brother choose his sister first because a brother and sister
first because a brother and sister
first because a brother and sister should never play against each other now
should never play against each other now
should never play against each other now he chose her but she knew that she owed
he chose her but she knew that she owed
he chose her but she knew that she owed it to him and to herself
it to him and to herself
it to him and to herself to pay attention and to try to
to pay attention and to try to
to pay attention and to try to get harder and run faster than anyone
get harder and run faster than anyone
get harder and run faster than anyone else
else
else the Big Brother told her that whatever
the Big Brother told her that whatever
the Big Brother told her that whatever he could do she could do better now she
he could do she could do better now she
he could do she could do better now she knew that that could not possibly be
knew that that could not possibly be
knew that that could not possibly be true
true
true he was years older and stronger and
he was years older and stronger and
he was years older and stronger and taller than she but she Oded to him and
taller than she but she Oded to him and
taller than she but she Oded to him and to herself to believe growing up when he
to herself to believe growing up when he
to herself to believe growing up when he he was he was there and she was harder
he was he was there and she was harder
he was he was there and she was harder for her to believe because she was a
for her to believe because she was a
for her to believe because she was a late bloomer you know what that is
late bloomer you know what that is
late bloomer you know what that is you know when all the cool girls in her
you know when all the cool girls in her
you know when all the cool girls in her class had stepped over into that world
class had stepped over into that world
class had stepped over into that world of womanhood she was left behind they
of womanhood she was left behind they
of womanhood she was left behind they sprouted their bodies and their wings
sprouted their bodies and their wings
sprouted their bodies and their wings and she remained in the land of the
and she remained in the land of the
and she remained in the land of the child she was no longer a part but she
child she was no longer a part but she
child she was no longer a part but she was set apart she was tiny not tall
was set apart she was tiny not tall
was set apart she was tiny not tall straight not curvy boyish not girly cute
straight not curvy boyish not girly cute
straight not curvy boyish not girly cute not pretty and smart
not pretty and smart
not pretty and smart but not savvy hence she was the perfect
but not savvy hence she was the perfect
but not savvy hence she was the perfect target for the Mean Girls syndrome how
target for the Mean Girls syndrome how
target for the Mean Girls syndrome how many of you know what I’m talking about
many of you know what I’m talking about
many of you know what I’m talking about yeah you know you never quite forget
yeah you know you never quite forget
yeah you know you never quite forget those subtle Barb’s and sometimes direct
those subtle Barb’s and sometimes direct
those subtle Barb’s and sometimes direct hits that are lobbed at you just because
hits that are lobbed at you just because
hits that are lobbed at you just because you’re not like everybody else just
you’re not like everybody else just
you’re not like everybody else just because you’re not like them that
because you’re not like them that
because you’re not like them that residue of embarrassment and unease has
residue of embarrassment and unease has
residue of embarrassment and unease has a long shelf life it was a painful place
a long shelf life it was a painful place
a long shelf life it was a painful place to be but the boy knew what a sister was
to be but the boy knew what a sister was
to be but the boy knew what a sister was strong incapable even when she was
strong incapable even when she was
strong incapable even when she was unsure he had absolute faith in her he
unsure he had absolute faith in her he
unsure he had absolute faith in her he said you’re right you’re not like
said you’re right you’re not like
said you’re right you’re not like everybody else you’re one of a kind and
everybody else you’re one of a kind and
everybody else you’re one of a kind and you’re going to make it
you’re going to make it
you’re going to make it difference and somehow she began to
difference and somehow she began to
difference and somehow she began to believe our mom with her steely resolve
believe our mom with her steely resolve
believe our mom with her steely resolve and her gentle push taught my brothers
and her gentle push taught my brothers
and her gentle push taught my brothers and me that we were redeemed by our
and me that we were redeemed by our
and me that we were redeemed by our weight we were we were redeemed by our
weight we were we were redeemed by our
weight we were we were redeemed by our courage that bravery lived in every one
courage that bravery lived in every one
courage that bravery lived in every one of our hearts and that it was her
of our hearts and that it was her
of our hearts and that it was her expectation that it would be called upon
expectation that it would be called upon
expectation that it would be called upon and that failure in everyone’s life was
and that failure in everyone’s life was
and that failure in everyone’s life was unforgivable but that giving up was
unforgivable but that giving up was
unforgivable but that giving up was failure in everyone’s life was was to be
failure in everyone’s life was was to be
failure in everyone’s life was was to be expected but that giving up was
expected but that giving up was
expected but that giving up was unforgivable mom embedded in me and my
unforgivable mom embedded in me and my
unforgivable mom embedded in me and my brothers what I called the contribution
brothers what I called the contribution
brothers what I called the contribution code three B’s be bold not brash be
code three B’s be bold not brash be
code three B’s be bold not brash be confident not cocky and be kind never
confident not cocky and be kind never
confident not cocky and be kind never cutting so let me start with the
cutting so let me start with the
cutting so let me start with the beginning that was mom’s gift to me and
beginning that was mom’s gift to me and
beginning that was mom’s gift to me and I want to share it with you the first
I want to share it with you the first
I want to share it with you the first one be bold
one be bold
one be bold not press the New York Times recently
not press the New York Times recently
not press the New York Times recently had an article that said that what
had an article that said that what
had an article that said that what distinguishes our species most from any
distinguishes our species most from any
distinguishes our species most from any others is our ability to think ahead its
others is our ability to think ahead its
others is our ability to think ahead its foresight foresight is what holds our
foresight foresight is what holds our
foresight foresight is what holds our society together but if you don’t have
society together but if you don’t have
society together but if you don’t have in order to move forward you know you
in order to move forward you know you
in order to move forward you know you have to be able to take risks and to
have to be able to take risks and to
have to be able to take risks and to seize opportunities just imagine if you
seize opportunities just imagine if you
seize opportunities just imagine if you weren’t bold you could spend your life
weren’t bold you could spend your life
weren’t bold you could spend your life or a large portion of a thinking oh my
or a large portion of a thinking oh my
or a large portion of a thinking oh my god
god
god if only I had as opposed to oh my god
if only I had as opposed to oh my god
if only I had as opposed to oh my god look what I have
look what I have
look what I have which reminds me and brings me to 1973
which reminds me and brings me to 1973
which reminds me and brings me to 1973 1973 was a year that my brother Joe
1973 was a year that my brother Joe
1973 was a year that my brother Joe Biden decided that he was going to run
Biden decided that he was going to run
Biden decided that he was going to run for the United States Senate from the
for the United States Senate from the
for the United States Senate from the state of Delaware and that I was going
state of Delaware and that I was going
state of Delaware and that I was going to be his campaign manager it was a
to be his campaign manager it was a
to be his campaign manager it was a tumultuous time there was war in Vietnam
tumultuous time there was war in Vietnam
tumultuous time there was war in Vietnam and there was war at home with civil
and there was war at home with civil
and there was war at home with civil rights big problems needed big leaders
rights big problems needed big leaders
rights big problems needed big leaders so I we announced that we were going to
so I we announced that we were going to
so I we announced that we were going to run and when when we the the people
run and when when we the the people
run and when when we the the people looked at us and said you have you’re
looked at us and said you have you’re
looked at us and said you have you’re crazy I mean you’re nuts then I looked
crazy I mean you’re nuts then I looked
crazy I mean you’re nuts then I looked at my brother and said you are
at my brother and said you are
at my brother and said you are absolutely nuts kind of the rolling of
absolutely nuts kind of the rolling of
absolutely nuts kind of the rolling of the eyes and said you have got to be
the eyes and said you have got to be
the eyes and said you have got to be kidding first of all Joe you’re 29 years
kidding first of all Joe you’re 29 years
kidding first of all Joe you’re 29 years old and you have to be 30 to be
old and you have to be 30 to be
old and you have to be 30 to be constitutionally sworn in and he wasn’t
constitutionally sworn in and he wasn’t
constitutionally sworn in and he wasn’t 30 until after the election second you
30 until after the election second you
30 until after the election second you don’t have any money as a matter of fact
don’t have any money as a matter of fact
don’t have any money as a matter of fact you owe money third you’re running
you owe money third you’re running
you owe money third you’re running against a 26 year incumbent from the
against a 26 year incumbent from the
against a 26 year incumbent from the state of Delaware and almost everyone
state of Delaware and almost everyone
state of Delaware and almost everyone knows him and they all love him and
knows him and they all love him and
knows him and they all love him and fourth Joey don’t forget you’re a
fourth Joey don’t forget you’re a
fourth Joey don’t forget you’re a Democrat it’s 1972 it was the year that
Democrat it’s 1972 it was the year that
Democrat it’s 1972 it was the year that was expected and it didn’t disappoint
was expected and it didn’t disappoint
was expected and it didn’t disappoint every Democrat was defeated
every Democrat was defeated
every Democrat was defeated it was the presidential Nixon landslide
it was the presidential Nixon landslide
it was the presidential Nixon landslide against Senator George McGovern but I
against Senator George McGovern but I
against Senator George McGovern but I didn’t say you’re nuts because I
didn’t say you’re nuts because I
didn’t say you’re nuts because I believed in my brother and as to my own
believed in my brother and as to my own
believed in my brother and as to my own ability to be his campaign manager well
ability to be his campaign manager well
ability to be his campaign manager well I didn’t know what I didn’t know I
I didn’t know what I didn’t know I
I didn’t know what I didn’t know I didn’t know what I was supposed to be
didn’t know what I was supposed to be
didn’t know what I was supposed to be able to do remember he had told me that
able to do remember he had told me that
able to do remember he had told me that I could do anything my entire life so I
I could do anything my entire life so I
I could do anything my entire life so I jumped in and we won by 3162 votes
jumped in and we won by 3162 votes
jumped in and we won by 3162 votes we won not because we had power or
we won not because we had power or
we won not because we had power or position heck he’s the first senator
position heck he’s the first senator
position heck he’s the first senator that he and I ever met but we won but we
that he and I ever met but we won but we
that he and I ever met but we won but we won because we stepped out of the box we
won because we stepped out of the box we
won because we stepped out of the box we were bold not brash and when we ran the
were bold not brash and when we ran the
were bold not brash and when we ran the what my brother did for me is that I was
what my brother did for me is that I was
what my brother did for me is that I was able to give back to him what he had
able to give back to him what he had
able to give back to him what he had given back what he had given to me my
given back what he had given to me my
given back what he had given to me my entire life I was able to profession
entire life I was able to profession
entire life I was able to profession personally be his best friend and
personally be his best friend and
personally be his best friend and wingman and professionally I was his
wingman and professionally I was his
wingman and professionally I was his campaign manager and the principal
campaign manager and the principal
campaign manager and the principal surrogate in the unwelcoming and
surrogate in the unwelcoming and
surrogate in the unwelcoming and sometimes hostile world a male-dominated
sometimes hostile world a male-dominated
sometimes hostile world a male-dominated politics and what I was able to do in
politics and what I was able to do in
politics and what I was able to do in that same experience of being bold and
that same experience of being bold and
that same experience of being bold and not crash and running for the Senate was
not crash and running for the Senate was
not crash and running for the Senate was to give back it opened up an opportunity
to give back it opened up an opportunity
to give back it opened up an opportunity for me to give back to a lot of little
for me to give back to a lot of little
for me to give back to a lot of little girls just like me but who didn’t have a
girls just like me but who didn’t have a
girls just like me but who didn’t have a big brother with an outstretched hand
big brother with an outstretched hand
big brother with an outstretched hand and an even bigger heart to tell her
and an even bigger heart to tell her
and an even bigger heart to tell her that she was a champion that’s the
that she was a champion that’s the
that she was a champion that’s the picture of me and Joe when we started
picture of me and Joe when we started
picture of me and Joe when we started out now the second be is to be confident
out now the second be is to be confident
out now the second be is to be confident not cocky confidence is something pretty
not cocky confidence is something pretty
not cocky confidence is something pretty hard to grab ahold of and if and when
hard to grab ahold of and if and when
hard to grab ahold of and if and when you get it it’s it’s hard to keep I mean
you get it it’s it’s hard to keep I mean
you get it it’s it’s hard to keep I mean sometimes you can actually feel it just
sometimes you can actually feel it just
sometimes you can actually feel it just seep right out of your body I know when
seep right out of your body I know when
seep right out of your body I know when when we first started my confidence is
when we first started my confidence is
when we first started my confidence is hard to you know I’m I’m right now
hard to you know I’m I’m right now
hard to you know I’m I’m right now seeping right out of my body this
seeping right out of my body this
seeping right out of my body this confidence
confidence
confidence [Applause]
there is and I know this by heart
there is and I know this by heart I’m telling you but there’s a study by a
I’m telling you but there’s a study by a
I’m telling you but there’s a study by a woman’s leading women’s organization
woman’s leading women’s organization
woman’s leading women’s organization called KPMG and what it did is it did a
called KPMG and what it did is it did a
called KPMG and what it did is it did a survey of 60 60,000 women in the
survey of 60 60,000 women in the
survey of 60 60,000 women in the workforce and in that workforce among
workforce and in that workforce among
workforce and in that workforce among those women miss found that less than
those women miss found that less than
those women miss found that less than 1/3 of those women had confidence when
1/3 of those women had confidence when
1/3 of those women had confidence when growing up now why does that matter it
growing up now why does that matter it
growing up now why does that matter it matters because connections and
matters because connections and
matters because connections and confidence are the two essential
confidence are the two essential
confidence are the two essential ingredients in a young girl’s ability to
ingredients in a young girl’s ability to
ingredients in a young girl’s ability to lead the same workforce said that the
lead the same workforce said that the
lead the same workforce said that the same study showed that when women
same study showed that when women
same study showed that when women receive praise from their bosses or
receive praise from their bosses or
receive praise from their bosses or their mentors that does more for their
their mentors that does more for their
their mentors that does more for their confidence and their self their
confidence and their self their
confidence and their self their self-esteem then does a pay raise or a
self-esteem then does a pay raise or a
self-esteem then does a pay raise or a promotion now that’s a big deal genuine
promotion now that’s a big deal genuine
promotion now that’s a big deal genuine praise the power of genuine praise is
praise the power of genuine praise is
praise the power of genuine praise is not to be underestimated words matter
not to be underestimated words matter
not to be underestimated words matter and that’s why you often hear employees
and that’s why you often hear employees
and that’s why you often hear employees say that they leave their manager they
say that they leave their manager they
say that they leave their manager they don’t need their company and what’s good
don’t need their company and what’s good
don’t need their company and what’s good for business and companies is also good
for business and companies is also good
for business and companies is also good for parents too I’m not talking about
for parents too I’m not talking about
for parents too I’m not talking about fluff praise like oh you are so sweet I
fluff praise like oh you are so sweet I
fluff praise like oh you are so sweet I could eat you with a spoon I’m talking
could eat you with a spoon I’m talking
could eat you with a spoon I’m talking about substantive earned praise you are
about substantive earned praise you are
about substantive earned praise you are so brave that you stood up for your
so brave that you stood up for your
so brave that you stood up for your friend I am so proud of you you never
friend I am so proud of you you never
friend I am so proud of you you never quit what a good man you are
quit what a good man you are
quit what a good man you are such a leader you carried your whole
such a leader you carried your whole
such a leader you carried your whole team over the line and you still gave
team over the line and you still gave
team over the line and you still gave them all the credit genuine praise
them all the credit genuine praise
them all the credit genuine praise doesn’t just make us feel better
doesn’t just make us feel better
doesn’t just make us feel better genuine praise makes us be better and
genuine praise makes us be better and
genuine praise makes us be better and the last be is to be kind never cutting
the SIP what matters most in life are
the SIP what matters most in life are simple ordinary acts of kindness one
simple ordinary acts of kindness one
simple ordinary acts of kindness one person being unselfish or decent to
person being unselfish or decent to
person being unselfish or decent to another a simple act can change our day
another a simple act can change our day
another a simple act can change our day and our lives are lived one day at a
and our lives are lived one day at a
and our lives are lived one day at a time like that glance that says I’ve got
time like that glance that says I’ve got
time like that glance that says I’ve got your back wear that grip that says I’m
your back wear that grip that says I’m
your back wear that grip that says I’m here or that tiny nod that signals
here or that tiny nod that signals
here or that tiny nod that signals approval that’s what takes the measure
approval that’s what takes the measure
approval that’s what takes the measure of the man or woman and it turns out
of the man or woman and it turns out
of the man or woman and it turns out that kindness doesn’t just benefit the
that kindness doesn’t just benefit the
that kindness doesn’t just benefit the receiver but being kind makes us
receiver but being kind makes us
receiver but being kind makes us healthier and happier all the studies
healthier and happier all the studies
healthier and happier all the studies there tons of them show that it affects
there tons of them show that it affects
there tons of them show that it affects the giver psychologically emotionally
the giver psychologically emotionally
the giver psychologically emotionally and physically the National Institute of
and physically the National Institute of
and physically the National Institute of Health did a study on the functional
Health did a study on the functional
Health did a study on the functional MRIs of volunteers who either
MRIs of volunteers who either
MRIs of volunteers who either contributed money or actively engaged in
contributed money or actively engaged in
contributed money or actively engaged in volunteering and organizations and it
volunteering and organizations and it
volunteering and organizations and it discovered that giving stimulates the
discovered that giving stimulates the
discovered that giving stimulates the rewards center of the brain the brain
rewards center of the brain the brain
rewards center of the brain the brain gets on high it’s actually called a
gets on high it’s actually called a
gets on high it’s actually called a helpers high so you can get hooked on
helpers high so you can get hooked on
helpers high so you can get hooked on helping which kind of sounds like a
helping which kind of sounds like a
helping which kind of sounds like a win-win to me and just as good
win-win to me and just as good
win-win to me and just as good can come from good so too can good come
can come from good so too can good come
can come from good so too can good come from bad if you look hard enough it
from bad if you look hard enough it
from bad if you look hard enough it takes a little longer and it takes a
takes a little longer and it takes a
takes a little longer and it takes a dose of what we call empathy empathy is
dose of what we call empathy empathy is
dose of what we call empathy empathy is the guard rail between kindness and
the guard rail between kindness and
the guard rail between kindness and Cuddy I mean just think if if you could
Cuddy I mean just think if if you could
Cuddy I mean just think if if you could taste or feel the destruction in
taste or feel the destruction in
taste or feel the destruction in ill-chosen words then perhaps those
ill-chosen words then perhaps those
ill-chosen words then perhaps those dojos awards would never have been
dojos awards would never have been
dojos awards would never have been spoken it might have been the thing that
spoken it might have been the thing that
spoken it might have been the thing that had stopped when my brother’s friends
had stopped when my brother’s friends
had stopped when my brother’s friends when they said why did you bring a girl
when they said why did you bring a girl
when they said why did you bring a girl it might have stopped them from that
it might have stopped them from that
it might have stopped them from that comment it might have stopped the Mean
comment it might have stopped the Mean
comment it might have stopped the Mean Girls from saying what you get lost you
Girls from saying what you get lost you
Girls from saying what you get lost you can’t sit here or it may have stopped
can’t sit here or it may have stopped
can’t sit here or it may have stopped the political establishment from saying
the political establishment from saying
the political establishment from saying no women allowed
no women allowed
no women allowed empathy enables kindness and kindness is
empathy enables kindness and kindness is
empathy enables kindness and kindness is what enables you to give that glance
what enables you to give that glance
what enables you to give that glance that makes someone else feel confident
that makes someone else feel confident
that makes someone else feel confident or to give that firm grip that gives
or to give that firm grip that gives
or to give that firm grip that gives someone else strength or to give that
someone else strength or to give that
someone else strength or to give that smile that shows approval and make
smile that shows approval and make
smile that shows approval and make someone give that nod that makes someone
someone give that nod that makes someone
someone give that nod that makes someone else smile empathy is sorely needed
else smile empathy is sorely needed
else smile empathy is sorely needed today so like I said if you don’t know
today so like I said if you don’t know
today so like I said if you don’t know where you’re going then any road can get
where you’re going then any road can get
where you’re going then any road can get you there but new Ted Xers have a pretty
you there but new Ted Xers have a pretty
you there but new Ted Xers have a pretty good sense of where and I wanted to tell
good sense of where and I wanted to tell
good sense of where and I wanted to tell you how be brave be competent be bold be
you how be brave be competent be bold be
you how be brave be competent be bold be confident and be kind I was lucky I had
confident and be kind I was lucky I had
confident and be kind I was lucky I had my mom and dad
my mom and dad
my mom and dad and I still have my brothers they were
and I still have my brothers they were
and I still have my brothers they were able my brothers were able to see
able my brothers were able to see
able my brothers were able to see something in me possibility that I was
something in me possibility that I was
something in me possibility that I was never able to see for myself but they
never able to see for myself but they
never able to see for myself but they did and it mattered so I can’t give you
did and it mattered so I can’t give you
did and it mattered so I can’t give you my mom and dad and I can’t lend you my
my mom and dad and I can’t lend you my
my mom and dad and I can’t lend you my brother’s wish I could but I can’t but
brother’s wish I could but I can’t but
brother’s wish I could but I can’t but what I can give you is the contribution
what I can give you is the contribution
what I can give you is the contribution code the three B’s be bold not brash be
code the three B’s be bold not brash be
code the three B’s be bold not brash be confident not cocky be kind never
confident not cocky be kind never
confident not cocky be kind never cutting that was mom’s gift to me and
cutting that was mom’s gift to me and
cutting that was mom’s gift to me and that’s my gift to you
that’s my gift to you
that’s my gift to you thank you
thank you
thank you [Applause]
”
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