Leveling the Playing Field- One Utensil at a Time | Michele Pollard Patrick | TEDxWilmington

the scene is a very fine restaurant in

the scene is a very fine restaurant in Washington DC

Washington DC

Washington DC the players are my husband my son my

the players are my husband my son my

the players are my husband my son my daughter and me

daughter and me

daughter and me most people get excited about going out

most people get excited about going out

most people get excited about going out to a nice restaurant my children not so

to a nice restaurant my children not so

to a nice restaurant my children not so much

much

much it isn’t easy growing up with a mother

it isn’t easy growing up with a mother

it isn’t easy growing up with a mother who teaches dining etiquette for a

who teaches dining etiquette for a

who teaches dining etiquette for a living

living

living in fact if my children will hear today I

in fact if my children will hear today I

in fact if my children will hear today I believe that they would tell you that

believe that they would tell you that

believe that they would tell you that they have permanent bruises on their

they have permanent bruises on their

they have permanent bruises on their shins that’s their favorite line because

shins that’s their favorite line because

shins that’s their favorite line because when we were out to dinner and they were

when we were out to dinner and they were

when we were out to dinner and they were forgetting their manners mom would kick

forgetting their manners mom would kick

forgetting their manners mom would kick them gently under the table gently but

them gently under the table gently but

them gently under the table gently but they say they have bruises admittedly I

they say they have bruises admittedly I

they say they have bruises admittedly I took advantage of every opportunity to

took advantage of every opportunity to

took advantage of every opportunity to teach my children what they should and

teach my children what they should and

teach my children what they should and should not do at the table and at the

should not do at the table and at the

should not do at the table and at the end of each lesson I said to them you’ll

end of each lesson I said to them you’ll

end of each lesson I said to them you’ll thank me someday for these life skills

thank me someday for these life skills

thank me someday for these life skills they weren’t so sure so let’s fast

they weren’t so sure so let’s fast

they weren’t so sure so let’s fast forward now to my son’s first job

forward now to my son’s first job

forward now to my son’s first job interview it was held in a restaurant

interview it was held in a restaurant

interview it was held in a restaurant and over a meal

and over a meal

and over a meal who knew while most of the other

who knew while most of the other

who knew while most of the other applicants were concerned about what to

applicants were concerned about what to

applicants were concerned about what to do at the table my son said he felt

do at the table my son said he felt

do at the table my son said he felt confident his mom I could identify all

confident his mom I could identify all

confident his mom I could identify all seven utensils well that’s great that he

seven utensils well that’s great that he

seven utensils well that’s great that he could but the better part of that was it

could but the better part of that was it

could but the better part of that was it left him free to focus on the meal I

left him free to focus on the meal I

left him free to focus on the meal I mean I’m sorry the interview and

mean I’m sorry the interview and

mean I’m sorry the interview and answering the questions PS he called to

answering the questions PS he called to

answering the questions PS he called to tell me he got the job and he thanked me

tell me he got the job and he thanked me

tell me he got the job and he thanked me for all those endless dining tutorials

for all those endless dining tutorials

for all those endless dining tutorials he was happy and I was vindicated

what if I were to tell you that fortune

what if I were to tell you that fortune 500 HR directors believe the dining

500 HR directors believe the dining

500 HR directors believe the dining skills in business are not a maybe

skills in business are not a maybe

skills in business are not a maybe they’re a must and would you believe me

they’re a must and would you believe me

they’re a must and would you believe me if I said your lack of table manners

if I said your lack of table manners

if I said your lack of table manners could actually sabotage your career you

could actually sabotage your career you

could actually sabotage your career you see it is not enough anymore to just

see it is not enough anymore to just

see it is not enough anymore to just know your facts and figures you need the

know your facts and figures you need the

know your facts and figures you need the cutting edge so to speak dining is more

cutting edge so to speak dining is more

cutting edge so to speak dining is more than eating it’s an experience that

than eating it’s an experience that

than eating it’s an experience that showcases your confidence your poise and

showcases your confidence your poise and

showcases your confidence your poise and your culture it’s also an opportunity

your culture it’s also an opportunity

your culture it’s also an opportunity for you to engage to lead and to excel

for you to engage to lead and to excel

for you to engage to lead and to excel according to a Robert Half international

according to a Robert Half international

according to a Robert Half international study 49% of CFOs said that their most

study 49% of CFOs said that their most

study 49% of CFOs said that their most successful business meeting outside the

successful business meeting outside the

successful business meeting outside the office was over a meal why because

office was over a meal why because

office was over a meal why because fellowship understanding and mutual

fellowship understanding and mutual

fellowship understanding and mutual respect were the main ingredients at the

respect were the main ingredients at the

respect were the main ingredients at the table there are advantages when you dine

table there are advantages when you dine

table there are advantages when you dine with ease these advantages may be subtle

with ease these advantages may be subtle

with ease these advantages may be subtle nuances but they carry with them

nuances but they carry with them

nuances but they carry with them valuable assumptions that then become

valuable assumptions that then become

valuable assumptions that then become assigned to you like confidence

assigned to you like confidence

assigned to you like confidence awareness and an executive presence all

awareness and an executive presence all

awareness and an executive presence all things that go in the plus column in

things that go in the plus column in

things that go in the plus column in this competitive business climate I

this competitive business climate I

this competitive business climate I remember the first time I realized I was

remember the first time I realized I was

remember the first time I realized I was not in the know it was that Mary Pat

not in the know it was that Mary Pat

not in the know it was that Mary Pat Sweeney’s sweet 16 birthday party and it

Sweeney’s sweet 16 birthday party and it

Sweeney’s sweet 16 birthday party and it was held at the Plaza Hotel in New York

was held at the Plaza Hotel in New York

was held at the Plaza Hotel in New York City well that sounded wonderful to a

City well that sounded wonderful to a

City well that sounded wonderful to a group of girls who lived on the other

group of girls who lived on the other

group of girls who lived on the other side of the river in New Jersey we were

side of the river in New Jersey we were

side of the river in New Jersey we were so excited to go we couldn’t wait to get

so excited to go we couldn’t wait to get

so excited to go we couldn’t wait to get there but when I arrived at the table

there but when I arrived at the table

there but when I arrived at the table I saw more silverware and glassware than

I saw more silverware and glassware than

I saw more silverware and glassware than I ever knew existed

I ever knew existed

I ever knew existed we Jersey girls were intimidated to say

we Jersey girls were intimidated to say

we Jersey girls were intimidated to say the very least but we took our seat at

the very least but we took our seat at

the very least but we took our seat at the table and watched everything that

the table and watched everything that

the table and watched everything that Mary Pat did Mary Pat picked up her

Mary Pat did Mary Pat picked up her

Mary Pat did Mary Pat picked up her napkin and we did the same we picked up

napkin and we did the same we picked up

napkin and we did the same we picked up the short Fork for her salad course and

the short Fork for her salad course and

the short Fork for her salad course and we did the same course by course Mary

we did the same course by course Mary

we did the same course by course Mary Pat led the way now she was a very shy

Pat led the way now she was a very shy

Pat led the way now she was a very shy girl but in this setting she was so

girl but in this setting she was so

girl but in this setting she was so confident and so gracious and so in

confident and so gracious and so in

confident and so gracious and so in control

control

control Mary Pat taught us a lesson that day she

Mary Pat taught us a lesson that day she

Mary Pat taught us a lesson that day she taught us that information breeds

taught us that information breeds

taught us that information breeds confidence and confidence breeds power

confidence and confidence breeds power

confidence and confidence breeds power it was at that moment that I decided I

it was at that moment that I decided I

it was at that moment that I decided I was going to reach beyond my borders and

was going to reach beyond my borders and

was going to reach beyond my borders and gather the information that would make

gather the information that would make

gather the information that would make me in the know I wanted to level the

me in the know I wanted to level the

me in the know I wanted to level the playing field so I too could come to the

playing field so I too could come to the

playing field so I too could come to the table confidently so here’s what I

table confidently so here’s what I

table confidently so here’s what I learned I learned to read a table mat or

learned I learned to read a table mat or

learned I learned to read a table mat or what we call a place setting but this

what we call a place setting but this

what we call a place setting but this place setting is actually like a GPS it

place setting is actually like a GPS it

place setting is actually like a GPS it tells you what utensils of yours and

tells you what utensils of yours and

tells you what utensils of yours and when to use them so let me go over this

when to use them so let me go over this

when to use them so let me go over this and try to make this simple for you

and try to make this simple for you

and try to make this simple for you because people say when I’m sitting in a

because people say when I’m sitting in a

because people say when I’m sitting in a table sometimes I don’t know which one

table sometimes I don’t know which one

table sometimes I don’t know which one is mine this is this easy I can make it

is mine this is this easy I can make it

is mine this is this easy I can make it your Forks will be on the left side of

your Forks will be on the left side of

your Forks will be on the left side of your place setting fork has four letters

your place setting fork has four letters

your place setting fork has four letters and so does the word left easy knives

and so does the word left easy knives

and so does the word left easy knives and spoon have five letters and so does

and spoon have five letters and so does

and spoon have five letters and so does the word right the 40 spoon at the top

the word right the 40 spoon at the top

the word right the 40 spoon at the top of your play setting are always for

of your play setting are always for

of your play setting are always for dessert now that you know what your

dessert now that you know what your

dessert now that you know what your tonsils are viewers

tonsils are viewers

tonsils are viewers how do you know which one to pick up

how do you know which one to pick up

how do you know which one to pick up first this is easy too

first this is easy too

first this is easy too the silverware is set on the table in

the silverware is set on the table in

the silverware is set on the table in the order that you will use the utensils

the order that you will use the utensils

the order that you will use the utensils so in this simple place setting it has

so in this simple place setting it has

so in this simple place setting it has been set for a soup course salad entrée

been set for a soup course salad entrée

been set for a soup course salad entrée and dessert

and dessert

and dessert since we know that suit is the first

since we know that suit is the first

since we know that suit is the first course we need a spoon so let’s go to

course we need a spoon so let’s go to

course we need a spoon so let’s go to the right side of the table and pick up

the right side of the table and pick up

the right side of the table and pick up the outside spoon the salad fork is next

the outside spoon the salad fork is next

the outside spoon the salad fork is next and we need a spork

and we need a spork

and we need a spork so we’ll go to this floor the left side

so we’ll go to this floor the left side

so we’ll go to this floor the left side of the table and pick up the fork so

of the table and pick up the fork so

of the table and pick up the fork so what’s happening here is I’m using my

what’s happening here is I’m using my

what’s happening here is I’m using my utensils working from the outside in

utensils working from the outside in

utensils working from the outside in toward my dinner plate mm-hmm now you’re

toward my dinner plate mm-hmm now you’re

toward my dinner plate mm-hmm now you’re left with a one fork and one knife the

left with a one fork and one knife the

left with a one fork and one knife the next course is your entree pick them up

and enjoy your meal sometimes when you

and enjoy your meal sometimes when you come to the table the place settings are

come to the table the place settings are

come to the table the place settings are so close together it’s crowded you don’t

so close together it’s crowded you don’t

so close together it’s crowded you don’t know what’s bread and butter plate is

know what’s bread and butter plate is

know what’s bread and butter plate is yours or which wine glass is yours we

yours or which wine glass is yours we

yours or which wine glass is yours we can make that easy children how is the

can make that easy children how is the

can make that easy children how is the GPS working for you so far good good I’m

GPS working for you so far good good I’m

GPS working for you so far good good I’m glad to hear that because now I’m going

glad to hear that because now I’m going

glad to hear that because now I’m going to ask you to drive up to that table in

to ask you to drive up to that table in

to ask you to drive up to that table in your BMW the BMW is the vehicle to fine

your BMW the BMW is the vehicle to fine

your BMW the BMW is the vehicle to fine dining the B stands for your bread on

dining the B stands for your bread on

dining the B stands for your bread on the Left your n is for your meal in the

the Left your n is for your meal in the

the Left your n is for your meal in the center and the W is for your wine on the

center and the W is for your wine on the

center and the W is for your wine on the right and you don’t want to lose track

right and you don’t want to lose track

right and you don’t want to lose track of that one

so that that makes it a little bit

so that that makes it a little bit easier I hope for you good you’ve got

easier I hope for you good you’ve got

easier I hope for you good you’ve got that down now I’m gonna take you to

that down now I’m gonna take you to

that down now I’m gonna take you to another level I’m going to ask you to

another level I’m going to ask you to

another level I’m going to ask you to sit at this table this is a formal place

sit at this table this is a formal place

sit at this table this is a formal place setting and some day you may be seated

setting and some day you may be seated

setting and some day you may be seated here so let’s go over it don’t panic I

here so let’s go over it don’t panic I

here so let’s go over it don’t panic I know there are lots of new tencel’s

know there are lots of new tencel’s

know there are lots of new tencel’s there just breathe and we’ll go through

there just breathe and we’ll go through

there just breathe and we’ll go through this easily the floral place setting is

this easily the floral place setting is

this easily the floral place setting is nothing more than a simple place setting

nothing more than a simple place setting

nothing more than a simple place setting that’s been kicked up a notch so your

that’s been kicked up a notch so your

that’s been kicked up a notch so your forks will still be on the left side

forks will still be on the left side

forks will still be on the left side your knives and spoons will still be on

your knives and spoons will still be on

your knives and spoons will still be on the right side and your fork and the tea

the right side and your fork and the tea

the right side and your fork and the tea spoon will be at the top of the place

spoon will be at the top of the place

spoon will be at the top of the place setting but will come just before your

setting but will come just before your

setting but will come just before your dessert so we’re going to use our

dessert so we’re going to use our

dessert so we’re going to use our utensils and our glasses the same way

utensils and our glasses the same way

utensils and our glasses the same way the glasses are set on the table so that

the glasses are set on the table so that

the glasses are set on the table so that you work from the outside edge of the

you work from the outside edge of the

you work from the outside edge of the table in toward the center here’s the

table in toward the center here’s the

table in toward the center here’s the good part about the wine glasses you

good part about the wine glasses you

good part about the wine glasses you don’t have to worry about which one to

don’t have to worry about which one to

don’t have to worry about which one to pick up first because your server is

pick up first because your server is

pick up first because your server is going to set you up for success they’re

going to set you up for success they’re

going to set you up for success they’re going to pour in your wine that

going to pour in your wine that

going to pour in your wine that corresponds to the meal that they just

corresponds to the meal that they just

corresponds to the meal that they just put in front of you and change each wine

put in front of you and change each wine

put in front of you and change each wine with each course it’s done for you you

with each course it’s done for you you

with each course it’s done for you you now have the knowledge to dine with

now have the knowledge to dine with

now have the knowledge to dine with anyone anywhere I invite you to embrace

anyone anywhere I invite you to embrace

anyone anywhere I invite you to embrace this class this talk as your Mary Pat

this class this talk as your Mary Pat

this class this talk as your Mary Pat moment you’ve got the knowledge now go

moment you’ve got the knowledge now go

moment you’ve got the knowledge now go confidently to the table with your

confidently to the table with your

confidently to the table with your knowledge be powerful take your seat at

knowledge be powerful take your seat at

knowledge be powerful take your seat at the table

dinner is served

dinner is served [Applause]