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DANCING THRU REALITY: COPING WITH HONEST, RAW EMOTION | CHELSEY HICKS | TEDXYOUTH@STJOHNS


[Music]

[Music] [Applause]

[Music]

[Music] every candle would be lit Norah Jones

every candle would be lit Norah Jones

every candle would be lit Norah Jones would be drifting her way through the

would be drifting her way through the

would be drifting her way through the stereo red pepper bisque would greet my

stereo red pepper bisque would greet my

stereo red pepper bisque would greet my nose as it was bubbling on the stove I

nose as it was bubbling on the stove I

nose as it was bubbling on the stove I take my shoes off throw my dance bag

take my shoes off throw my dance bag

take my shoes off throw my dance bag down and shuffle over to the couch

down and shuffle over to the couch

down and shuffle over to the couch snuggle into the coziest throw blanket

snuggle into the coziest throw blanket

snuggle into the coziest throw blanket my life was warm and this was just a

my life was warm and this was just a

my life was warm and this was just a casual Friday night on Burton Street a

casual Friday night on Burton Street a

casual Friday night on Burton Street a night that I was privileged enough to

night that I was privileged enough to

night that I was privileged enough to come home to on a regular basis at 13

come home to on a regular basis at 13

come home to on a regular basis at 13 years old I was blinded by the innocence

years old I was blinded by the innocence

years old I was blinded by the innocence of my childhood I didn’t think about how

of my childhood I didn’t think about how

of my childhood I didn’t think about how it would take my mom four hours to make

it would take my mom four hours to make

it would take my mom four hours to make that famous recipe or at any given point

that famous recipe or at any given point

that famous recipe or at any given point there could be up to thirty dollars

there could be up to thirty dollars

there could be up to thirty dollars worth of candles burning throughout my

worth of candles burning throughout my

worth of candles burning throughout my house I didn’t think about how hard all

house I didn’t think about how hard all

house I didn’t think about how hard all of this would be for her to achieve with

of this would be for her to achieve with

of this would be for her to achieve with a chemotherapy bag on her hip you see my

a chemotherapy bag on her hip you see my

a chemotherapy bag on her hip you see my mom had an infectious warmth to her each

mom had an infectious warmth to her each

mom had an infectious warmth to her each day she created spaces that were

day she created spaces that were

day she created spaces that were approachable comfortable cozy supported

approachable comfortable cozy supported

approachable comfortable cozy supported places that would foster growth she was

places that would foster growth she was

places that would foster growth she was a woman who gave so much to all of those

a woman who gave so much to all of those

a woman who gave so much to all of those who were around her her presence was

who were around her her presence was

who were around her her presence was large and it definitely didn’t go

large and it definitely didn’t go

large and it definitely didn’t go unrecognized striving for such an

unrecognized striving for such an

unrecognized striving for such an impeccable quality of life was something

impeccable quality of life was something

impeccable quality of life was something that was so important to her

that was so important to her

that was so important to her so those spaces those memories and those

so those spaces those memories and those

so those spaces those memories and those lessons that she taught me is something

lessons that she taught me is something

lessons that she taught me is something that is so very deeply instilled in me

that is so very deeply instilled in me

that is so very deeply instilled in me so watching the woman who gave me life

so watching the woman who gave me life

so watching the woman who gave me life died almost killed me two years later

died almost killed me two years later

died almost killed me two years later and a casual Friday without her looked

and a casual Friday without her looked

and a casual Friday without her looked like any other day of the week gray cold

like any other day of the week gray cold

like any other day of the week gray cold damp meaningless I was stricken with

damp meaningless I was stricken with

damp meaningless I was stricken with post-traumatic stress disorder which

post-traumatic stress disorder which

post-traumatic stress disorder which created a huge barrier between me and my

created a huge barrier between me and my

created a huge barrier between me and my father resulting in spending many nights

father resulting in spending many nights

father resulting in spending many nights couch surfing I was lucky enough to have

couch surfing I was lucky enough to have

couch surfing I was lucky enough to have older friends at the time who were

older friends at the time who were

older friends at the time who were willing to open their doors to let me

willing to open their doors to let me

willing to open their doors to let me crash on their couch but being

crash on their couch but being

crash on their couch but being functionally homeless meant my mental

functionally homeless meant my mental

functionally homeless meant my mental health declined rapidly at that point in

health declined rapidly at that point in

health declined rapidly at that point in my life I would often find myself

my life I would often find myself

my life I would often find myself experiencing many things that were

experiencing many things that were

experiencing many things that were unrecognizable like going hungry at

unrecognizable like going hungry at

unrecognizable like going hungry at sixteen I didn’t know how to take care

sixteen I didn’t know how to take care

sixteen I didn’t know how to take care of myself

of myself

of myself I didn’t understand the value of a

I didn’t understand the value of a

I didn’t understand the value of a dollar so if I was on my way home from

dollar so if I was on my way home from

dollar so if I was on my way home from work and I’d find an extra $20 bill in

work and I’d find an extra $20 bill in

work and I’d find an extra $20 bill in my pocket I think to treat my friends to

my pocket I think to treat my friends to

my pocket I think to treat my friends to fast food instead of thinking to invest

fast food instead of thinking to invest

fast food instead of thinking to invest in myself by buying fresh groceries this

in myself by buying fresh groceries this

in myself by buying fresh groceries this worked out pretty well for me for a

worked out pretty well for me for a

worked out pretty well for me for a couple of months until I came to the

couple of months until I came to the

couple of months until I came to the harsh realization that you can’t make

harsh realization that you can’t make

harsh realization that you can’t make mom’s famous gourmet red pepper bisque

mom’s famous gourmet red pepper bisque

mom’s famous gourmet red pepper bisque with the items that you receive at a

with the items that you receive at a

with the items that you receive at a food bank

food bank

food bank I craved her instant comfort but I

I craved her instant comfort but I

I craved her instant comfort but I couldn’t find those candles or that

couldn’t find those candles or that

couldn’t find those candles or that throw blanket anywhere how was I

throw blanket anywhere how was I

throw blanket anywhere how was I supposed to adjust to such a drastic new

supposed to adjust to such a drastic new

supposed to adjust to such a drastic new normal my privilege had left me blind to

normal my privilege had left me blind to

normal my privilege had left me blind to the reality of the struggle I knew that

the reality of the struggle I knew that

the reality of the struggle I knew that life could be a warm and inviting place

life could be a warm and inviting place

life could be a warm and inviting place and I was so determined to try and find

and I was so determined to try and find

and I was so determined to try and find that again so I learned to embrace

that again so I learned to embrace

that again so I learned to embrace vulnerability I reached out to my

vulnerability I reached out to my

vulnerability I reached out to my community and I leaned on them I set

community and I leaned on them I set

community and I leaned on them I set myself up with stable supportive housing

myself up with stable supportive housing

myself up with stable supportive housing and I gave myself an environment that

and I gave myself an environment that

and I gave myself an environment that would allow for me to move forward so I

would allow for me to move forward so I

would allow for me to move forward so I started to grow despite the pain and

started to grow despite the pain and

started to grow despite the pain and some days growing simply looked like

some days growing simply looked like

some days growing simply looked like getting out of bed washing my face and

getting out of bed washing my face and

getting out of bed washing my face and cooking a healthy meal by setting these

cooking a healthy meal by setting these

cooking a healthy meal by setting these realistic day-by-day goals I was

realistic day-by-day goals I was

realistic day-by-day goals I was performing a critical act of self care

performing a critical act of self care

performing a critical act of self care and self preservation I was often

and self preservation I was often

and self preservation I was often fighting for my life I had to learn to

fighting for my life I had to learn to

fighting for my life I had to learn to give myself the tender love and care

give myself the tender love and care

give myself the tender love and care that I so desperately deserved during my

that I so desperately deserved during my

that I so desperately deserved during my journey I came to realize that my

journey I came to realize that my

journey I came to realize that my square-one look different than my peers

square-one look different than my peers

square-one look different than my peers because I knew there was something more

because I knew there was something more

because I knew there was something more than despair out there I knew what

than despair out there I knew what

than despair out there I knew what healthy looked like and in that I was

healthy looked like and in that I was

healthy looked like and in that I was privileged I found myself surrounded by

privileged I found myself surrounded by

privileged I found myself surrounded by a community that was overwhelmed with

a community that was overwhelmed with

a community that was overwhelmed with the suffering that stemmed from toxic

the suffering that stemmed from toxic

the suffering that stemmed from toxic cycles these cycles were results of

cycles these cycles were results of

cycles these cycles were results of broken support systems like child while

broken support systems like child while

broken support systems like child while their foster care and income support

their foster care and income support

their foster care and income support I was watching people fall into the

I was watching people fall into the

I was watching people fall into the bureaucracy seeing is nothing more than

bureaucracy seeing is nothing more than

bureaucracy seeing is nothing more than a number or a statistic in society human

a number or a statistic in society human

a number or a statistic in society human beings slipped through the cracks and

beings slipped through the cracks and

beings slipped through the cracks and live with demons that I never could have

live with demons that I never could have

live with demons that I never could have imagined and what didn’t make sense to

imagined and what didn’t make sense to

imagined and what didn’t make sense to me then at 16 was knowing that people

me then at 16 was knowing that people

me then at 16 was knowing that people were aware that these horrible things

were aware that these horrible things

were aware that these horrible things were happening in such a deadly

were happening in such a deadly

were happening in such a deadly repetitive nature but nothing drastic

repetitive nature but nothing drastic

repetitive nature but nothing drastic was being done to change these systems I

was being done to change these systems I

was being done to change these systems I didn’t have the answers at the time on

didn’t have the answers at the time on

didn’t have the answers at the time on how to create systemic change but I did

how to create systemic change but I did

how to create systemic change but I did have something that worked for me so out

have something that worked for me so out

have something that worked for me so out of an act of despair I created danced

of an act of despair I created danced

of an act of despair I created danced through it I’ve learned that in a world

through it I’ve learned that in a world

through it I’ve learned that in a world where we need so much how we choose to

where we need so much how we choose to

where we need so much how we choose to cope with what life throws our way is

cope with what life throws our way is

cope with what life throws our way is one of the few things we have control

one of the few things we have control

one of the few things we have control over but we aren’t taught that we aren’t

over but we aren’t taught that we aren’t

over but we aren’t taught that we aren’t taught how to cope positively with life

taught how to cope positively with life

taught how to cope positively with life struggles in school or in the media what

struggles in school or in the media what

struggles in school or in the media what does a healthy relationship look like

does a healthy relationship look like

does a healthy relationship look like how do we control our anger how do we

how do we control our anger how do we

how do we control our anger how do we process growth we need answers to these

process growth we need answers to these

process growth we need answers to these questions in order to thrive

questions in order to thrive

questions in order to thrive independently within society I had to

independently within society I had to

independently within society I had to act so I invested in a local community

act so I invested in a local community

act so I invested in a local community center starting by just volunteering one

center starting by just volunteering one

center starting by just volunteering one hour a week teaching young women who

hour a week teaching young women who

hour a week teaching young women who were growing up in housing dancing

were growing up in housing dancing

were growing up in housing dancing dancing has always acted as my filter

dancing has always acted as my filter

dancing has always acted as my filter dancing has taught me to embrace raw

dancing has taught me to embrace raw

dancing has taught me to embrace raw emotion create something beautiful from

emotion create something beautiful from

emotion create something beautiful from the dark places in my life

the dark places in my life

the dark places in my life dancing allows me to explore myself as I

dancing allows me to explore myself as I

dancing allows me to explore myself as I grow and dancing taught me to fall in

grow and dancing taught me to fall in

grow and dancing taught me to fall in love with myself again by expressing my

love with myself again by expressing my

love with myself again by expressing my emotions I find it easier to regulate

emotions I find it easier to regulate

emotions I find it easier to regulate and release them I will never forget

and release them I will never forget

and release them I will never forget those first few classes my students

those first few classes my students

those first few classes my students showed a need for a deeper connection by

showed a need for a deeper connection by

showed a need for a deeper connection by showing up early and insisting on

showing up early and insisting on

showing up early and insisting on staying late I came to realize I was

staying late I came to realize I was

staying late I came to realize I was breaching one of many huge gaps within

breaching one of many huge gaps within

breaching one of many huge gaps within support systems so I grew I started to

support systems so I grew I started to

support systems so I grew I started to facilitate conversations validate

facilitate conversations validate

facilitate conversations validate experiences and emotions and then

experiences and emotions and then

experiences and emotions and then translate that into movement helping to

translate that into movement helping to

translate that into movement helping to aid in students processing life’s

aid in students processing life’s

aid in students processing life’s challenges while enforcing the

challenges while enforcing the

challenges while enforcing the importance of positive coping

importance of positive coping

importance of positive coping interdependence self love and self care

interdependence self love and self care

interdependence self love and self care it’s been over a year now

it’s been over a year now

it’s been over a year now since that first class and dance threat

since that first class and dance threat

since that first class and dance threat has grown its own set of national legs

has grown its own set of national legs

has grown its own set of national legs on top of curriculum based programming I

on top of curriculum based programming I

on top of curriculum based programming I also travel across the country to

also travel across the country to

also travel across the country to provide customized sessions to

provide customized sessions to

provide customized sessions to organizations and companies that

organizations and companies that

organizations and companies that understand the importance of what I

understand the importance of what I

understand the importance of what I offer the influx of interest has been

offer the influx of interest has been

offer the influx of interest has been overwhelming and it shows no sign of

overwhelming and it shows no sign of

overwhelming and it shows no sign of stopping anytime soon my mom was a

stopping anytime soon my mom was a

stopping anytime soon my mom was a reminder of how resilient we can be when

reminder of how resilient we can be when

reminder of how resilient we can be when we’re dedicated to a cause from not

we’re dedicated to a cause from not

we’re dedicated to a cause from not letting a chemo bag stop her from

letting a chemo bag stop her from

letting a chemo bag stop her from coaching basketball teams to gold medals

coaching basketball teams to gold medals

coaching basketball teams to gold medals to cooking those meals filled with love

to cooking those meals filled with love

to cooking those meals filled with love even after a long day I’m well aware

even after a long day I’m well aware

even after a long day I’m well aware that being Susan Hicks’s daughter is

that being Susan Hicks’s daughter is

that being Susan Hicks’s daughter is such like

such like

such like and when things were dark I knew I had

and when things were dark I knew I had

and when things were dark I knew I had to have her resilience in me as well it

to have her resilience in me as well it

to have her resilience in me as well it just took finding the right cause to

just took finding the right cause to

just took finding the right cause to pull it out of me her death and all of

pull it out of me her death and all of

pull it out of me her death and all of the traumatic events that happened

the traumatic events that happened

the traumatic events that happened following suit pushed me outside of my

following suit pushed me outside of my

following suit pushed me outside of my comfort zone and in doing that resulted

comfort zone and in doing that resulted

comfort zone and in doing that resulted in creating something that’s bigger than

in creating something that’s bigger than

in creating something that’s bigger than I am

I am

I am by sharing what gets me through

by sharing what gets me through

by sharing what gets me through continues to save others and that’s what

continues to save others and that’s what

continues to save others and that’s what resilient leadership looks like I am my

resilient leadership looks like I am my

resilient leadership looks like I am my mother’s daughter you don’t need to know

mother’s daughter you don’t need to know

mother’s daughter you don’t need to know how to change the world to change worlds

how to change the world to change worlds

how to change the world to change worlds thank you

thank you

thank you [Applause]

”

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