treat your coworkers with respect meet deadlines too explicit understandings
deadlines too explicit understandings
deadlines too explicit understandings that every employee knows and is
that every employee knows and is
that every employee knows and is expected to follow their in the HR
expected to follow their in the HR
expected to follow their in the HR manual but there are other powerful
manual but there are other powerful
manual but there are other powerful unspoken understandings that employees
unspoken understandings that employees
unspoken understandings that employees follow even though they aren’t in an HR
follow even though they aren’t in an HR
follow even though they aren’t in an HR manual here are two examples
manual here are two examples
manual here are two examples don’t be vulnerable I recently spoke to
don’t be vulnerable I recently spoke to
don’t be vulnerable I recently spoke to a group of managers at a leadership
a group of managers at a leadership
a group of managers at a leadership development conference and our topic
development conference and our topic
development conference and our topic that morning was being present during
that morning was being present during
that morning was being present during the discussion a man raised his hand and
the discussion a man raised his hand and
the discussion a man raised his hand and he shared with the group how he had lost
he shared with the group how he had lost
he shared with the group how he had lost his daughter to breast cancer he was
his daughter to breast cancer he was
his daughter to breast cancer he was choked up with tears when he told us he
choked up with tears when he told us he
choked up with tears when he told us he would give anything to turn back the
would give anything to turn back the
would give anything to turn back the clock and be more present in her life he
clock and be more present in her life he
clock and be more present in her life he hadn’t been present not until she got
hadn’t been present not until she got
hadn’t been present not until she got sick over and over again he apologized
sick over and over again he apologized
sick over and over again he apologized to that group I’m sorry for being so
to that group I’m sorry for being so
to that group I’m sorry for being so emotional
emotional
emotional he looked embarrassed and ashamed the
he looked embarrassed and ashamed the
he looked embarrassed and ashamed the second unspoken understanding if you’re
second unspoken understanding if you’re
second unspoken understanding if you’re hurting don’t let it show it’s tradition
hurting don’t let it show it’s tradition
hurting don’t let it show it’s tradition in our office for mothers to bring their
in our office for mothers to bring their
in our office for mothers to bring their new babies in for everyone to do and all
new babies in for everyone to do and all
new babies in for everyone to do and all over them one afternoon a woman who had
over them one afternoon a woman who had
over them one afternoon a woman who had been out on maternity leave brought her
been out on maternity leave brought her
been out on maternity leave brought her baby and to meet everyone I told her how
baby and to meet everyone I told her how
baby and to meet everyone I told her how beautiful her baby was I even held her
beautiful her baby was I even held her
beautiful her baby was I even held her and then when she left I rushed into my
and then when she left I rushed into my
and then when she left I rushed into my office I shut the door and I started to
office I shut the door and I started to
office I shut the door and I started to sob I ache inside when I see a baby I’ve
sob I ache inside when I see a baby I’ve
sob I ache inside when I see a baby I’ve had two miscarriages and I feel flooded
had two miscarriages and I feel flooded
had two miscarriages and I feel flooded with grief when I see them we all
with grief when I see them we all
with grief when I see them we all understand that if we have to cry we
understand that if we have to cry we
understand that if we have to cry we should go outside or into a bathroom
should go outside or into a bathroom
should go outside or into a bathroom stall or behind a shut and locked door
stall or behind a shut and locked door
stall or behind a shut and locked door to pull ourselves together and so I’ve
to pull ourselves together and so I’ve
to pull ourselves together and so I’ve learned to deal with my pain privately
learned to deal with my pain privately
learned to deal with my pain privately so that I don’t make other people feel
so that I don’t make other people feel
so that I don’t make other people feel uncomfortable these are just some of the
uncomfortable these are just some of the
uncomfortable these are just some of the unspoken under
unspoken under
unspoken under standings we work by they imply that
standings we work by they imply that
standings we work by they imply that it’s fine to come to work as an employee
it’s fine to come to work as an employee
it’s fine to come to work as an employee but it’s shameful and it’s awkward to
but it’s shameful and it’s awkward to
but it’s shameful and it’s awkward to come to work as a human being I believe
come to work as a human being I believe
come to work as a human being I believe we pay a huge price for creating work
we pay a huge price for creating work
we pay a huge price for creating work environments that don’t allow for
environments that don’t allow for
environments that don’t allow for humanity we take the humanity out of
humanity we take the humanity out of
humanity we take the humanity out of business
business
business we need more humanity and business not
we need more humanity and business not
we need more humanity and business not less and so tonight I will make the case
less and so tonight I will make the case
less and so tonight I will make the case for bringing humans back to work are we
for bringing humans back to work are we
for bringing humans back to work are we connected to each other well you would
connected to each other well you would
connected to each other well you would think so after all we instantly connect
think so after all we instantly connect
think so after all we instantly connect 24 hours a day seven days a week and so
24 hours a day seven days a week and so
24 hours a day seven days a week and so you might be surprised to learn we’re
you might be surprised to learn we’re
you might be surprised to learn we’re actually disconnected from each other
actually disconnected from each other
actually disconnected from each other and the evidence is everywhere for
and the evidence is everywhere for
and the evidence is everywhere for example today it’s acceptable to tell
example today it’s acceptable to tell
example today it’s acceptable to tell someone off in an email if you want to
someone off in an email if you want to
someone off in an email if you want to end a relationship no need to have a
end a relationship no need to have a
end a relationship no need to have a conversation when you can send a text
conversation when you can send a text
conversation when you can send a text message work weeks are filled with
message work weeks are filled with
message work weeks are filled with working lunches and now more than ever
working lunches and now more than ever
working lunches and now more than ever people are working alone and in virtual
people are working alone and in virtual
people are working alone and in virtual environments these behaviors are
environments these behaviors are
environments these behaviors are symptoms of disconnection which can lead
symptoms of disconnection which can lead
symptoms of disconnection which can lead to some serious health problems
to some serious health problems
to some serious health problems according to the research 5 Steve Cole
according to the research 5 Steve Cole
according to the research 5 Steve Cole he found that the lack of social
he found that the lack of social
he found that the lack of social connection can be more detrimental to
connection can be more detrimental to
connection can be more detrimental to our overall health than obesity smoking
our overall health than obesity smoking
our overall health than obesity smoking or high blood pressure
or high blood pressure
or high blood pressure Matthew Lieberman in his book social why
Matthew Lieberman in his book social why
Matthew Lieberman in his book social why our brains are wired to connect says
our brains are wired to connect says
our brains are wired to connect says that the importance of social connection
that the importance of social connection
that the importance of social connection is so big that when we feel rejection or
is so big that when we feel rejection or
is so big that when we feel rejection or other social pain it registers in our
other social pain it registers in our
other social pain it registers in our brains as physical pain but the benefits
brains as physical pain but the benefits
brains as physical pain but the benefits of social connection there’s so many of
of social connection there’s so many of
of social connection there’s so many of them it’s widely believed that it
them it’s widely believed that it
them it’s widely believed that it strengthens our immune system and keeps
strengthens our immune system and keeps
strengthens our immune system and keeps us healthier and that social connection
us healthier and that social connection
us healthier and that social connection is the key to productive relationships
is the key to productive relationships
is the key to productive relationships and successful work environments I find
and successful work environments I find
and successful work environments I find this research so compelling that at our
this research so compelling that at our
this research so compelling that at our company we’ve begun architecting a
company we’ve begun architecting a
company we’ve begun architecting a program called the whole life Academy
program called the whole life Academy
program called the whole life Academy the purpose of this program is to reduce
the purpose of this program is to reduce
the purpose of this program is to reduce our healthcare spending but our
our healthcare spending but our
our healthcare spending but our intention is to do that in a very unique
intention is to do that in a very unique
intention is to do that in a very unique way to develop more whole and more
way to develop more whole and more
way to develop more whole and more connected employees over the next year
connected employees over the next year
connected employees over the next year it’s our intention for example to roll
it’s our intention for example to roll
it’s our intention for example to roll out tools or education or resources to
out tools or education or resources to
out tools or education or resources to help employees understand more about
help employees understand more about
help employees understand more about their health and well-being to be more
their health and well-being to be more
their health and well-being to be more connected to their friends and families
connected to their friends and families
connected to their friends and families to love more deeply and we believe our
to love more deeply and we believe our
to love more deeply and we believe our efforts will be worth it now for a
efforts will be worth it now for a
efforts will be worth it now for a moment please picture yourself at work
moment please picture yourself at work
moment please picture yourself at work do you work alone in a virtual
do you work alone in a virtual
do you work alone in a virtual environment do you work in a real office
environment do you work in a real office
environment do you work in a real office with real people if you work alone in a
with real people if you work alone in a
with real people if you work alone in a virtual environment you might need to
virtual environment you might need to
virtual environment you might need to use your imagination here since you’re
use your imagination here since you’re
use your imagination here since you’re only co-workers potentially Alexa now
only co-workers potentially Alexa now
only co-workers potentially Alexa now consider these questions are we are are
consider these questions are we are are
consider these questions are we are are you connected enough to the people
you connected enough to the people
you connected enough to the people around you to know when they need a
around you to know when they need a
around you to know when they need a little help are you connected enough to
little help are you connected enough to
little help are you connected enough to the people around you to ask for a
the people around you to ask for a
the people around you to ask for a little help when you need it and third
little help when you need it and third
little help when you need it and third are you cultivating work environments
are you cultivating work environments
are you cultivating work environments that allow for strong connection don’t
that allow for strong connection don’t
that allow for strong connection don’t worry we’re gonna take a look at its
worry we’re gonna take a look at its
worry we’re gonna take a look at its each of these questions the first are
each of these questions the first are
each of these questions the first are you connected enough to the people
you connected enough to the people
you connected enough to the people around you to know when they need a
around you to know when they need a
around you to know when they need a little help so here’s a situation that
little help so here’s a situation that
little help so here’s a situation that came up for me one one one morning a
came up for me one one one morning a
came up for me one one one morning a woman who works on my team was rushing
woman who works on my team was rushing
woman who works on my team was rushing back and forth in front of my office to
back and forth in front of my office to
back and forth in front of my office to the restroom now I know from personal
the restroom now I know from personal
the restroom now I know from personal experience how miserable this sort of
experience how miserable this sort of
experience how miserable this sort of thing can be when it happens at work and
thing can be when it happens at work and
thing can be when it happens at work and so I made the decision at first to
so I made the decision at first to
so I made the decision at first to ignore it so I wouldn’t embarrass her
ignore it so I wouldn’t embarrass her
ignore it so I wouldn’t embarrass her after a fifth or sixth trip by I decided
after a fifth or sixth trip by I decided
after a fifth or sixth trip by I decided I had two choices one I could get the
I had two choices one I could get the
I had two choices one I could get the heck out of the way
heck out of the way
heck out of the way when she went barreling by or two I
when she went barreling by or two I
when she went barreling by or two I could say something and so I decided to
could say something and so I decided to
could say something and so I decided to say something now I’m not a doctor or
say something now I’m not a doctor or
say something now I’m not a doctor or trained in anything related to digestive
trained in anything related to digestive
trained in anything related to digestive issues but what I do know is that stress
issues but what I do know is that stress
issues but what I do know is that stress can wreak havoc on your body and so I
can wreak havoc on your body and so I
can wreak havoc on your body and so I asked her are you feeling stressed or
asked her are you feeling stressed or
asked her are you feeling stressed or overwhelmed today and she emphatically
overwhelmed today and she emphatically
overwhelmed today and she emphatically nodded yes so I brought her in an office
nodded yes so I brought her in an office
nodded yes so I brought her in an office I closed the door I turned off the
I closed the door I turned off the
I closed the door I turned off the lights and I let her through a series of
lights and I let her through a series of
lights and I let her through a series of breathing exercises I put my hands on
breathing exercises I put my hands on
breathing exercises I put my hands on her shoulders I breathed with her to
her shoulders I breathed with her to
her shoulders I breathed with her to calming down it only took a few minutes
calming down it only took a few minutes
calming down it only took a few minutes out of my day to be present with her an
out of my day to be present with her an
out of my day to be present with her an hour later she reported feeling great
hour later she reported feeling great
hour later she reported feeling great her stomach had settled down now can you
her stomach had settled down now can you
her stomach had settled down now can you imagine doing that for someone you work
imagine doing that for someone you work
imagine doing that for someone you work with
with
with if you can’t why not is it because you
if you can’t why not is it because you
if you can’t why not is it because you don’t have the time or you don’t know
don’t have the time or you don’t know
don’t have the time or you don’t know how to help or is it because you know
how to help or is it because you know
how to help or is it because you know that touching at work is not accept not
that touching at work is not accept not
that touching at work is not accept not okay as the head of HR you think I’d be
okay as the head of HR you think I’d be
okay as the head of HR you think I’d be the first person to tell you that
the first person to tell you that
the first person to tell you that touching at work is a no-no listen the
touching at work is a no-no listen the
touching at work is a no-no listen the truth is it’s easy to rationalize why
truth is it’s easy to rationalize why
truth is it’s easy to rationalize why it’s okay to ignore a co-worker in
it’s okay to ignore a co-worker in
it’s okay to ignore a co-worker in distress because connecting takes
distress because connecting takes
distress because connecting takes conscious effort that brings us to the
conscious effort that brings us to the
conscious effort that brings us to the second question are you connected enough
second question are you connected enough
second question are you connected enough to the people around you to ask for help
to the people around you to ask for help
to the people around you to ask for help when you need it about a year ago a man
when you need it about a year ago a man
when you need it about a year ago a man who works for our company told a group
who works for our company told a group
who works for our company told a group of us that his his son had been addicted
of us that his his son had been addicted
of us that his his son had been addicted to drugs through tears he was choked up
to drugs through tears he was choked up
to drugs through tears he was choked up he told us how he couldn’t believe it
he told us how he couldn’t believe it
he told us how he couldn’t believe it happened in front of his eyes how scared
happened in front of his eyes how scared
happened in front of his eyes how scared he was and then he went on to share his
he was and then he went on to share his
he was and then he went on to share his concern that there were young people in
concern that there were young people in
concern that there were young people in our work family who were similarly
our work family who were similarly
our work family who were similarly addicted he said if you see these signs
addicted he said if you see these signs
addicted he said if you see these signs call me I’ll help you we have to help
call me I’ll help you we have to help
call me I’ll help you we have to help these people fast forward to a few
these people fast forward to a few
these people fast forward to a few months ago a family member of mine who
months ago a family member of mine who
months ago a family member of mine who had been showing signs of drug abuse
had been showing signs of drug abuse
had been showing signs of drug abuse admitted to being addicted do you
admitted to being addicted do you
admitted to being addicted do you who I called late on a Friday night and
who I called late on a Friday night and
who I called late on a Friday night and tears that guy who told the story he
tears that guy who told the story he
tears that guy who told the story he told me was okay to be scared he gave me
told me was okay to be scared he gave me
told me was okay to be scared he gave me some good advice he let me cry I will
some good advice he let me cry I will
some good advice he let me cry I will never forget the compassion that he
never forget the compassion that he
never forget the compassion that he showed me and there are other people in
showed me and there are other people in
showed me and there are other people in my work family who have done the same
my work family who have done the same
my work family who have done the same and you can bet that their willingness
and you can bet that their willingness
and you can bet that their willingness to connect has made me more loyal to my
to connect has made me more loyal to my
to connect has made me more loyal to my job that brings us to the third question
job that brings us to the third question
job that brings us to the third question are you cultivating work environments
are you cultivating work environments
are you cultivating work environments that allow for strong connections I
that allow for strong connections I
that allow for strong connections I believe we have to shift our mindsets if
believe we have to shift our mindsets if
believe we have to shift our mindsets if we’re going to bring connection into the
we’re going to bring connection into the
we’re going to bring connection into the workplace work and life balance it’s no
workplace work and life balance it’s no
workplace work and life balance it’s no longer a thing it’s all just life and we
longer a thing it’s all just life and we
longer a thing it’s all just life and we have to live it and encourage our
have to live it and encourage our
have to live it and encourage our co-workers to do the same earlier this
co-workers to do the same earlier this
co-workers to do the same earlier this spring a man who works on my team asked
spring a man who works on my team asked
spring a man who works on my team asked me if he could leave for a few hours the
me if he could leave for a few hours the
me if he could leave for a few hours the next day to go to his son’s pre-school
next day to go to his son’s pre-school
next day to go to his son’s pre-school graduation so I asked him well what time
graduation so I asked him well what time
graduation so I asked him well what time is the graduation and he said 10:30 in
is the graduation and he said 10:30 in
is the graduation and he said 10:30 in the morning so I just suggested why
the morning so I just suggested why
the morning so I just suggested why don’t you go to the graduation and come
don’t you go to the graduation and come
don’t you go to the graduation and come to work afterward and he looked at me
to work afterward and he looked at me
to work afterward and he looked at me like I was sort of insane to suggest
like I was sort of insane to suggest
like I was sort of insane to suggest that he not come to work for one hour
that he not come to work for one hour
that he not come to work for one hour before the ceremony how do we bring
before the ceremony how do we bring
before the ceremony how do we bring humans back to work well it starts by
humans back to work well it starts by
humans back to work well it starts by being the kinds of leaders who tell a
being the kinds of leaders who tell a
being the kinds of leaders who tell a guy like that to take his kid out for a
guy like that to take his kid out for a
guy like that to take his kid out for a special breakfast instead of rushing to
special breakfast instead of rushing to
special breakfast instead of rushing to an office that’s humanity in business
an office that’s humanity in business
an office that’s humanity in business it’s a simple shift in our thinking that
it’s a simple shift in our thinking that
it’s a simple shift in our thinking that empowers people to feel whole and feel
empowers people to feel whole and feel
empowers people to feel whole and feel connected regardless of whether it’s
connected regardless of whether it’s
connected regardless of whether it’s before during or after business hours
before during or after business hours
before during or after business hours you bring humanity in business when you
you bring humanity in business when you
you bring humanity in business when you ask people how they’re doing and you
ask people how they’re doing and you
ask people how they’re doing and you actually listen to what they say start
actually listen to what they say start
actually listen to what they say start asking your colleagues questions that
asking your colleagues questions that
asking your colleagues questions that invite them to tell you about their
invite them to tell you about their
invite them to tell you about their lives outside of work
lives outside of work
lives outside of work the more you’re listening the more
the more you’re listening the more
the more you’re listening the more people are going to tell you and what
people are going to tell you and what
people are going to tell you and what you learn will help you coach them to
you learn will help you coach them to
you learn will help you coach them to better and better work outcomes
maybe you find out that a woman loves
maybe you find out that a woman loves photography and so she takes pictures at
photography and so she takes pictures at
photography and so she takes pictures at your next work event you save money and
your next work event you save money and
your next work event you save money and she gets recognition maybe you find out
she gets recognition maybe you find out
she gets recognition maybe you find out that a man lost his father to heart
that a man lost his father to heart
that a man lost his father to heart disease and so he creates the company’s
disease and so he creates the company’s
disease and so he creates the company’s team for the next American Heart
team for the next American Heart
team for the next American Heart Association’s 5k in the process of
Association’s 5k in the process of
Association’s 5k in the process of building connections you leverage skills
building connections you leverage skills
building connections you leverage skills you didn’t know existed you improve your
you didn’t know existed you improve your
you didn’t know existed you improve your brand and employee loyalty you increase
brand and employee loyalty you increase
brand and employee loyalty you increase employees engagement and you drive
employees engagement and you drive
employees engagement and you drive results early in 2016 I started a yoga
results early in 2016 I started a yoga
results early in 2016 I started a yoga teacher training program during the
teacher training program during the
teacher training program during the first weekend of a sixth weekend program
first weekend of a sixth weekend program
first weekend of a sixth weekend program we were in a yoga session that required
we were in a yoga session that required
we were in a yoga session that required us to take some time for a long quiet
us to take some time for a long quiet
us to take some time for a long quiet meditation during which we were told to
meditation during which we were told to
meditation during which we were told to give ourselves loving-kindness well I
give ourselves loving-kindness well I
give ourselves loving-kindness well I quickly learned I did not know how to be
quickly learned I did not know how to be
quickly learned I did not know how to be quiet or connected I also learned that I
quiet or connected I also learned that I
quiet or connected I also learned that I did not know how to be kind or
did not know how to be kind or
did not know how to be kind or compassionate to myself and so I started
compassionate to myself and so I started
compassionate to myself and so I started on the path to becoming a new kind of
on the path to becoming a new kind of
on the path to becoming a new kind of person during the journey I met with a
person during the journey I met with a
person during the journey I met with a gal on my work team who had been working
gal on my work team who had been working
gal on my work team who had been working with me for a few years
with me for a few years
with me for a few years normal weekly meeting and she made a
normal weekly meeting and she made a
normal weekly meeting and she made a comment about how much more approachable
comment about how much more approachable
comment about how much more approachable and kinder I was than I used to be and
and kinder I was than I used to be and
and kinder I was than I used to be and so I said why don’t you tell me a little
so I said why don’t you tell me a little
so I said why don’t you tell me a little bit more about what you mean and she
bit more about what you mean and she
bit more about what you mean and she said well you are always so busy running
said well you are always so busy running
said well you are always so busy running from here to there on the phone and
from here to there on the phone and
from here to there on the phone and meetings being all important that you
meetings being all important that you
meetings being all important that you were actually never really all that nice
were actually never really all that nice
were actually never really all that nice that conversation told me I was on the
that conversation told me I was on the
that conversation told me I was on the right path I needed to bring my work and
right path I needed to bring my work and
right path I needed to bring my work and my life together compassion and kindness
my life together compassion and kindness
my life together compassion and kindness toward myself and others letting go of
toward myself and others letting go of
toward myself and others letting go of ego embracing vulnerability softening
ego embracing vulnerability softening
ego embracing vulnerability softening allowing ourselves to feel
allowing ourselves to feel
allowing ourselves to feel these aren’t just things that belong on
these aren’t just things that belong on
these aren’t just things that belong on a yoga mat they belong everywhere all
a yoga mat they belong everywhere all
a yoga mat they belong everywhere all the time regardless of what time of day
the time regardless of what time of day
the time regardless of what time of day it is or where you work or where you
it is or where you work or where you
it is or where you work or where you come from or what kind of work you do
come from or what kind of work you do
come from or what kind of work you do they are the key to being human and
they are the key to being human and
they are the key to being human and they’re what makes us whole and so I
they’re what makes us whole and so I
they’re what makes us whole and so I continue on my journey to bring humans
continue on my journey to bring humans
continue on my journey to bring humans back to work every day I try to ask
back to work every day I try to ask
back to work every day I try to ask myself what did i do today to help
myself what did i do today to help
myself what did i do today to help someone else live a more connected a
someone else live a more connected a
someone else live a more connected a more full life and so I’m gonna leave
more full life and so I’m gonna leave
more full life and so I’m gonna leave you with these two questions tomorrow
you with these two questions tomorrow
you with these two questions tomorrow morning when you get up and you go to
morning when you get up and you go to
morning when you get up and you go to your job how are you going to connect
your job how are you going to connect
your job how are you going to connect with someone how are you going to help
with someone how are you going to help
with someone how are you going to help bring humans back to work thank you
bring humans back to work thank you
bring humans back to work thank you [Applause]
”
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