Paddle Your Own Canoe | Camryn Woodworth and Garvin Vandernoot | TEDxYouth@Vail

[Music]

[Music] [Laughter]

[Applause]

[Applause] hi everyone my name is Cameron woods I’m

hi everyone my name is Cameron woods I’m

hi everyone my name is Cameron woods I’m Garvin bender new we’re about not in

Garvin bender new we’re about not in

Garvin bender new we’re about not in high school and we are going to perform

high school and we are going to perform

high school and we are going to perform for you our state champion speech piece

fundamental one how to be a man

fundamental one how to be a man step one eat a steak preferably raw if

step one eat a steak preferably raw if

step one eat a steak preferably raw if you can find yourself a nice juicy steer

you can find yourself a nice juicy steer

you can find yourself a nice juicy steer then take a bite right out of the rut

then take a bite right out of the rut

then take a bite right out of the rut it’s the fastest way to get the most

it’s the fastest way to get the most

it’s the fastest way to get the most nutrition protein and flavor step 2

nutrition protein and flavor step 2

nutrition protein and flavor step 2 wash it down or whisk you choice step 3

wash it down or whisk you choice step 3

wash it down or whisk you choice step 3 find a socialist and punch him or her in

find a socialist and punch him or her in

find a socialist and punch him or her in the face step 5 make sweet but powerful

the face step 5 make sweet but powerful

the face step 5 make sweet but powerful love to another human preferably one

love to another human preferably one

love to another human preferably one who’s accepting of your advances

who’s accepting of your advances

who’s accepting of your advances if you bet one through four how could

if you bet one through four how could

if you bet one through four how could they resist as the author of our piece

they resist as the author of our piece

they resist as the author of our piece one said we are curious caucus in human

one said we are curious caucus in human

one said we are curious caucus in human beings capable of philosophical thought

beings capable of philosophical thought

beings capable of philosophical thought nuclear physics repeating nerf weapons

nuclear physics repeating nerf weapons

nuclear physics repeating nerf weapons global consciousness Glade air

global consciousness Glade air

global consciousness Glade air fresheners and sentient automobiles but

fresheners and sentient automobiles but

fresheners and sentient automobiles but we’re butt heads first actor Nick

we’re butt heads first actor Nick

we’re butt heads first actor Nick Offerman is best known for playing

Offerman is best known for playing

Offerman is best known for playing mustachio Macho Man Ron Swanson on

mustachio Macho Man Ron Swanson on

mustachio Macho Man Ron Swanson on popular TV show Parks and Recreation

semi-autobiographical myself up health

semi-autobiographical myself up health book he gets a little serious and

book he gets a little serious and

book he gets a little serious and teaches us some vital lessons on things

teaches us some vital lessons on things

teaches us some vital lessons on things like hygiene besides how not to be a

like hygiene besides how not to be a

like hygiene besides how not to be a horrible human being so here’s hoping

horrible human being so here’s hoping

horrible human being so here’s hoping you learn something today we can all

you learn something today we can all

you learn something today we can all dream right

dream right

dream right and now one man’s fundamentals for

and now one man’s fundamentals for

and now one man’s fundamentals for delicious living by Nick Offerman all

delicious living by Nick Offerman all

delicious living by Nick Offerman all right so in step six step 6

right so in step six step 6

right so in step six step 6 chivalry the current women’s lib

chivalry the current women’s lib

chivalry the current women’s lib movement has brought the role of

movement has brought the role of

movement has brought the role of modern-day chivalry in a question if you

modern-day chivalry in a question if you

modern-day chivalry in a question if you then should jump in y’all the answer to

then should jump in y’all the answer to

then should jump in y’all the answer to that is quite simply you’re a Butthead

that is quite simply you’re a Butthead

that is quite simply you’re a Butthead women are quite clearly powerful and

women are quite clearly powerful and

women are quite clearly powerful and smart usually more so than us gross

smart usually more so than us gross

smart usually more so than us gross however we’re ladies like to wear shoes

however we’re ladies like to wear shoes

however we’re ladies like to wear shoes that make it difficult to walk in or

that make it difficult to walk in or

that make it difficult to walk in or perhaps a boxy skirt that limits their

perhaps a boxy skirt that limits their

perhaps a boxy skirt that limits their choices in seating positions then it’s

choices in seating positions then it’s

choices in seating positions then it’s we men generally weigh more than they do

we men generally weigh more than they do

we men generally weigh more than they do so the way it does improve as much of a

so the way it does improve as much of a

so the way it does improve as much of a threat to us whatever the adversity of

threat to us whatever the adversity of

threat to us whatever the adversity of Amanda’s on hand to provide ease to

Amanda’s on hand to provide ease to

Amanda’s on hand to provide ease to women’s cause I think he’s a white-trash

women’s cause I think he’s a white-trash

women’s cause I think he’s a white-trash crotch canoe if he stands idly by when

crotch canoe if he stands idly by when

crotch canoe if he stands idly by when she could use an umbrella or a steady

she could use an umbrella or a steady

she could use an umbrella or a steady arm

step 7 grooming I say okay do your thing

step 7 grooming I say okay do your thing however it looks keep the hygiene up

however it looks keep the hygiene up

however it looks keep the hygiene up until

until

until everyone doesn’t like it attitude but

everyone doesn’t like it attitude but

everyone doesn’t like it attitude but step 8 be handy listen I know not

step 8 be handy listen I know not

step 8 be handy listen I know not everyone can build a canoe or even a

everyone can build a canoe or even a

everyone can build a canoe or even a popsicle stick but that doesn’t mean you

popsicle stick but that doesn’t mean you

popsicle stick but that doesn’t mean you should just throw your hands up in the

should just throw your hands up in the

should just throw your hands up in the air and say I’m useless a pet concern of

air and say I’m useless a pet concern of

air and say I’m useless a pet concern of mine changing a tire I highly recommend

mine changing a tire I highly recommend

mine changing a tire I highly recommend you give it a few practice runs before

you give it a few practice runs before

you give it a few practice runs before you’re stuck in the hills on your way

you’re stuck in the hills on your way

you’re stuck in the hills on your way back from Bonnaroo with no cell phone

back from Bonnaroo with no cell phone

back from Bonnaroo with no cell phone service and a pancake tire step 9 a code

service and a pancake tire step 9 a code

service and a pancake tire step 9 a code of ethics don’t be a Butthead

of ethics don’t be a Butthead

of ethics don’t be a Butthead fundamental – don’t be a Butthead I find

fundamental – don’t be a Butthead I find

fundamental – don’t be a Butthead I find it increasingly difficult to get past

it increasingly difficult to get past

it increasingly difficult to get past the notion that we are all and are very

the notion that we are all and are very

the notion that we are all and are very nature’s buttons our bodies tell us

nature’s buttons our bodies tell us

nature’s buttons our bodies tell us frequently in no uncertain terms to do

frequently in no uncertain terms to do

frequently in no uncertain terms to do things that society has deemed

things that society has deemed

things that society has deemed inappropriate or quite often illegal I’m

inappropriate or quite often illegal I’m

inappropriate or quite often illegal I’m talking about the animal voice deep

talking about the animal voice deep

talking about the animal voice deep inside your body that you’ve learned to

inside your body that you’ve learned to

inside your body that you’ve learned to repress through socialization or your

repress through socialization or your

repress through socialization or your own family could claim all the delicious

own family could claim all the delicious

own family could claim all the delicious day witches and grow stronger if they

day witches and grow stronger if they

day witches and grow stronger if they simply killed that first family a

simply killed that first family a

simply killed that first family a society developed we began to establish

society developed we began to establish

society developed we began to establish some rules or guidelines laws if you

some rules or guidelines laws if you

some rules or guidelines laws if you will to convince ourselves that it

will to convince ourselves that it

will to convince ourselves that it wasn’t right to keep these animal urges

wasn’t right to keep these animal urges

wasn’t right to keep these animal urges Oh everybody I know we used to just kind

Oh everybody I know we used to just kind

Oh everybody I know we used to just kind of live each other strokes up

of live each other strokes up

of live each other strokes up my French but we’re deciding in this new

my French but we’re deciding in this new

my French but we’re deciding in this new committee or Congress that’s not could

committee or Congress that’s not could

committee or Congress that’s not could be cool anymore so we’re gonna lay down

be cool anymore so we’re gonna lay down

be cool anymore so we’re gonna lay down some notions about personal properties

some notions about personal properties

some notions about personal properties and the ways in which we can violate

and the ways in which we can violate

and the ways in which we can violate them to hopefully deter us from you know

them to hopefully deter us from you know

them to hopefully deter us from you know raping killing fundamental three work

raping killing fundamental three work

raping killing fundamental three work hard work dirty find your favorites

hard work dirty find your favorites

hard work dirty find your favorites faded and go outside stickety pull get

faded and go outside stickety pull get

faded and go outside stickety pull get yourself on experience then find

yourself on experience then find

yourself on experience then find yourself a hobby

yourself a hobby

yourself a hobby take the clarissa you apply two words of

take the clarissa you apply two words of

take the clarissa you apply two words of friend and you like kick ass corn corn

friend and you like kick ass corn corn

friend and you like kick ass corn corn brothers friends try that me

brothers friends try that me

brothers friends try that me by watching the media we are told what

by watching the media we are told what

by watching the media we are told what to spend our time and money on hey buddy

to spend our time and money on hey buddy

to spend our time and money on hey buddy do you like pretty women with or like

do you like pretty women with or like

do you like pretty women with or like breasts in a mouthful of pearly white

breasts in a mouthful of pearly white

breasts in a mouthful of pearly white chick later dude then you’re going to

chick later dude then you’re going to

chick later dude then you’re going to love our SUVs jeans cheeseburgers hair

love our SUVs jeans cheeseburgers hair

love our SUVs jeans cheeseburgers hair dyes English muffins and insurance

dyes English muffins and insurance

dyes English muffins and insurance policies fundamental for eat red meat

policies fundamental for eat red meat

policies fundamental for eat red meat according to science and smart

according to science and smart

according to science and smart anthropology types as we humans folks

anthropology types as we humans folks

anthropology types as we humans folks began to kill and eat our own food we

began to kill and eat our own food we

began to kill and eat our own food we came into a period of social development

came into a period of social development

came into a period of social development with physical specimens the likes of

with physical specimens the likes of

with physical specimens the likes of Sigourney Weaver Arnold Schwarzenegger

Sigourney Weaver Arnold Schwarzenegger

Sigourney Weaver Arnold Schwarzenegger at the very least Ringo Starr buttoms

at the very least Ringo Starr buttoms

at the very least Ringo Starr buttoms Gannicus he’s a drummer and it’s a joke

if there is a god no part of the Bible

if there is a god no part of the Bible or Christian doctrine well cut into the

or Christian doctrine well cut into the

or Christian doctrine well cut into the others existence half as much as a

others existence half as much as a

others existence half as much as a flavor of a barbecued pork rib the

flavor of a barbecued pork rib the

flavor of a barbecued pork rib the bratwurst a haiku tight skin of pork

bratwurst a haiku tight skin of pork

bratwurst a haiku tight skin of pork juices fly exploding mouth

a little mustard listen I use salad

a little mustard listen I use salad I ate a bunch of speech – but – makes

I ate a bunch of speech – but – makes

I ate a bunch of speech – but – makes the magic having a mustache comes with

the magic having a mustache comes with

the magic having a mustache comes with it a bit of derring-do you’re the type

it a bit of derring-do you’re the type

it a bit of derring-do you’re the type of guy who will come barreling up doing

of guy who will come barreling up doing

of guy who will come barreling up doing a power spot in the pickup truck and

a power spot in the pickup truck and

a power spot in the pickup truck and they give a girl up weak you know you’re

they give a girl up weak you know you’re

they give a girl up weak you know you’re not you know what to do with Beto

not you know what to do with Beto

not you know what to do with Beto Freddie Mercury was a major Idol of mine

Freddie Mercury was a major Idol of mine

Freddie Mercury was a major Idol of mine I eventually learned that he was gay it

I eventually learned that he was gay it

I eventually learned that he was gay it didn’t make me think any less of them I

didn’t make me think any less of them I

didn’t make me think any less of them I just figured that gay people must be

just figured that gay people must be

just figured that gay people must be pretty kick ass if he was with him

pretty kick ass if he was with him

pretty kick ass if he was with him I find it amusing how often people ask

I find it amusing how often people ask

I find it amusing how often people ask me for advice on how to grow a mustache

me for advice on how to grow a mustache

me for advice on how to grow a mustache I often reply they don’t know I was born

I often reply they don’t know I was born

I often reply they don’t know I was born with his mustache all right doesn’t cut

with his mustache all right doesn’t cut

with his mustache all right doesn’t cut it periodically so that it doesn’t go

it periodically so that it doesn’t go

it periodically so that it doesn’t go down my throat when I’m enjoying my soup

I have about as much advice on growing a

I have about as much advice on growing a mustache as I do I’m growing fingernails

mustache as I do I’m growing fingernails

mustache as I do I’m growing fingernails there hemorrhoids I can’t say this my

there hemorrhoids I can’t say this my

there hemorrhoids I can’t say this my life is always just a little bit

life is always just a little bit

life is always just a little bit alicia’s when I have some whiskers this

alicia’s when I have some whiskers this

alicia’s when I have some whiskers this is probably due to the fact that they

is probably due to the fact that they

is probably due to the fact that they tend to catch bacon crumbs and Scotch

tend to catch bacon crumbs and Scotch

tend to catch bacon crumbs and Scotch rendering them literally delicious all

rendering them literally delicious all

rendering them literally delicious all day long fundamental six carry a

day long fundamental six carry a

day long fundamental six carry a handkerchief

handkerchief

handkerchief I’m personally opposed to the notions

I’m personally opposed to the notions

I’m personally opposed to the notions that we have allowed even encouraged to

that we have allowed even encouraged to

that we have allowed even encouraged to flourish around our personal hygiene and

flourish around our personal hygiene and

flourish around our personal hygiene and appearances listen ladies and gentlemen

appearances listen ladies and gentlemen

appearances listen ladies and gentlemen alike if you think that altering the tip

alike if you think that altering the tip

alike if you think that altering the tip of your nose there’s surgery will summer

of your nose there’s surgery will summer

of your nose there’s surgery will summer I make you happier I suggest altering

I make you happier I suggest altering

I make you happier I suggest altering something a little more valuable than

something a little more valuable than

something a little more valuable than your flesh like your coyotes or your

your flesh like your coyotes or your

your flesh like your coyotes or your friends look I know that this is a

friends look I know that this is a

friends look I know that this is a typical plot like yeah I opinion I mean

typical plot like yeah I opinion I mean

typical plot like yeah I opinion I mean look at me but by and large fashion

look at me but by and large fashion

look at me but by and large fashion seems like huge waste of time and money

seems like huge waste of time and money

seems like huge waste of time and money here’s all about head like you or me

here’s all about head like you or me

here’s all about head like you or me these to get by on your shorts overalls

these to get by on your shorts overalls

these to get by on your shorts overalls dungarees pockets are a must for storing

dungarees pockets are a must for storing

dungarees pockets are a must for storing your necessities obviously carry a

your necessities obviously carry a

your necessities obviously carry a handkerchief

handkerchief

handkerchief so weapons a good hat fundamental seven

so weapons a good hat fundamental seven

so weapons a good hat fundamental seven go outside opposed to the recent

go outside opposed to the recent

go outside opposed to the recent development to the ideas of germs are

development to the ideas of germs are

development to the ideas of germs are touching whenever I have the opportunity

touching whenever I have the opportunity

touching whenever I have the opportunity to eat food that is fallen on the floor

to eat food that is fallen on the floor

to eat food that is fallen on the floor especially in an airport bathroom I jump

especially in an airport bathroom I jump

especially in an airport bathroom I jump to it

to it

to it the knobs man sobs he’s fortifying my

the knobs man sobs he’s fortifying my

the knobs man sobs he’s fortifying my immune system we keep our children no

immune system we keep our children no

immune system we keep our children no weaker they will become find yourself is

weaker they will become find yourself is

weaker they will become find yourself is by a creep you are underneath the

by a creep you are underneath the

by a creep you are underneath the tree or a toughie but abuse that makes

tree or a toughie but abuse that makes

tree or a toughie but abuse that makes more sense

more sense

more sense well our summer by the shore or you can

well our summer by the shore or you can

well our summer by the shore or you can sit and look and not think if you can

sit and look and not think if you can

sit and look and not think if you can incorporate some hiking or cycling into

incorporate some hiking or cycling into

incorporate some hiking or cycling into your robust children all the better

your robust children all the better

your robust children all the better clocking you cardio and peepin topiaries

clocking you cardio and peepin topiaries

clocking you cardio and peepin topiaries is how some of the modern skateboard

is how some of the modern skateboard

is how some of the modern skateboard enthusiasts kids refer to this practice

enthusiasts kids refer to this practice

enthusiasts kids refer to this practice dopey areas are of course still vast

dopey areas are of course still vast

dopey areas are of course still vast topiary trees dude I was gonna say that

topiary trees dude I was gonna say that

topiary trees dude I was gonna say that part