in February 2002 I moved to Bangkok Thailand following my dream of becoming
Thailand following my dream of becoming
Thailand following my dream of becoming a professional fighter I’ve been doing
a professional fighter I’ve been doing
a professional fighter I’ve been doing well on the local amateur MMA circuit
well on the local amateur MMA circuit
well on the local amateur MMA circuit I’d won a couple of kickboxing titles
I’d won a couple of kickboxing titles
I’d won a couple of kickboxing titles and knew that this is what I wanted to
and knew that this is what I wanted to
and knew that this is what I wanted to do with my life it was the only thing I
do with my life it was the only thing I
do with my life it was the only thing I wanted to do with my life we tie is
wanted to do with my life we tie is
wanted to do with my life we tie is Thailand’s national sport and when you
Thailand’s national sport and when you
Thailand’s national sport and when you ask the Thai boxers over there when they
ask the Thai boxers over there when they
ask the Thai boxers over there when they got started they never give you an age
got started they never give you an age
got started they never give you an age they reach down and show you their
they reach down and show you their
they reach down and show you their height imagine how excited I was to be
height imagine how excited I was to be
height imagine how excited I was to be there and to live with them and train
there and to live with them and train
there and to live with them and train with them does anyone happen to know
with them does anyone happen to know
with them does anyone happen to know what this is it’s called a bucket handle
what this is it’s called a bucket handle
what this is it’s called a bucket handle meniscus tear and it’s which you don’t
meniscus tear and it’s which you don’t
meniscus tear and it’s which you don’t want happening in your knee especially
want happening in your knee especially
want happening in your knee especially if you want to throw a good kick I will
if you want to throw a good kick I will
if you want to throw a good kick I will always remember the day the afternoon
always remember the day the afternoon
always remember the day the afternoon that exact moment when the doctor said
that exact moment when the doctor said
that exact moment when the doctor said mark the bad news is your career as a
mark the bad news is your career as a
mark the bad news is your career as a fighter is over it’s over the good news
fighter is over it’s over the good news
fighter is over it’s over the good news is you could become a very good swimmer
is you could become a very good swimmer
is you could become a very good swimmer it’s true story I didn’t hear the good
it’s true story I didn’t hear the good
it’s true story I didn’t hear the good news because I couldn’t hear the good
news because I couldn’t hear the good
news because I couldn’t hear the good news my identity was flattened with
news my identity was flattened with
news my identity was flattened with those words but what hurt exponentially
those words but what hurt exponentially
those words but what hurt exponentially more than my enflamed and throbbing me
more than my enflamed and throbbing me
more than my enflamed and throbbing me was the ongoing conversation I was
was the ongoing conversation I was
was the ongoing conversation I was having with myself about myself in my
having with myself about myself in my
having with myself about myself in my mind you see the idea the concept but I
mind you see the idea the concept but I
mind you see the idea the concept but I was not good enough and that there was
was not good enough and that there was
was not good enough and that there was something wrong with me and I was
something wrong with me and I was
something wrong with me and I was somehow doomed to fail showed up raging
somehow doomed to fail showed up raging
somehow doomed to fail showed up raging in
in
in my mind stronger than ever technically
my mind stronger than ever technically
my mind stronger than ever technically it’s called a telephone the fear of not
it’s called a telephone the fear of not
it’s called a telephone the fear of not being good enough and it’s at the
being good enough and it’s at the
being good enough and it’s at the foundation of a silent identity crisis
foundation of a silent identity crisis
foundation of a silent identity crisis that wreaks havoc on individuals
that wreaks havoc on individuals
that wreaks havoc on individuals families and communities worldwide how
families and communities worldwide how
families and communities worldwide how someone sees themselves is one of the
someone sees themselves is one of the
someone sees themselves is one of the most powerful and consistent forces in
most powerful and consistent forces in
most powerful and consistent forces in someone’s life and what it is and isn’t
someone’s life and what it is and isn’t
someone’s life and what it is and isn’t is the focal point of this talk the
is the focal point of this talk the
is the focal point of this talk the definition of identity is the fact of
definition of identity is the fact of
definition of identity is the fact of being who or what a person is do you
being who or what a person is do you
being who or what a person is do you notice anything about that definition
notice anything about that definition
notice anything about that definition raise your hand if you see yourself
raise your hand if you see yourself
raise your hand if you see yourself differently in any way than you did 20
differently in any way than you did 20
differently in any way than you did 20 years ago
this is always fun when I say
this is always fun when I say abracadabra
abracadabra
abracadabra what do you immediately think of say it
what do you immediately think of say it
what do you immediately think of say it out loud magic there’s a lot more to
out loud magic there’s a lot more to
out loud magic there’s a lot more to abracadabra than top hats and rabbits as
abracadabra than top hats and rabbits as
abracadabra than top hats and rabbits as in a whole lot more abracadabra is
in a whole lot more abracadabra is
in a whole lot more abracadabra is Aramaic and it has been translated to me
Aramaic and it has been translated to me
Aramaic and it has been translated to me with my word I create or with my word I
with my word I create or with my word I
with my word I create or with my word I influence fascinating cryptic and
influence fascinating cryptic and
influence fascinating cryptic and intriguing what did those ancient
intriguing what did those ancient
intriguing what did those ancient peoples know about language that we
peoples know about language that we
peoples know about language that we often overlooked today with our words
often overlooked today with our words
often overlooked today with our words that we use all day every day both
that we use all day every day both
that we use all day every day both internally and externally what do we
internally and externally what do we
internally and externally what do we create what do we influence do we
create what do we influence do we
create what do we influence do we influence our feelings our emotions do
influence our feelings our emotions do
influence our feelings our emotions do we influence what we see what we
we influence what we see what we
we influence what we see what we envision our imagination and overtime
envision our imagination and overtime
envision our imagination and overtime with the words that we use all day every
with the words that we use all day every
with the words that we use all day every day do we influence our identity maybe
day do we influence our identity maybe
day do we influence our identity maybe you have heard or possibly even thought
you have heard or possibly even thought
you have heard or possibly even thought this old standby no one will ever really
this old standby no one will ever really
this old standby no one will ever really love me so painful and often totally
love me so painful and often totally
love me so painful and often totally inaccurate what about the people that
inaccurate what about the people that
inaccurate what about the people that really do love you right now they don’t
really do love you right now they don’t
really do love you right now they don’t count with those words those powerful
count with those words those powerful
count with those words those powerful words influence how I see myself and how
words influence how I see myself and how
words influence how I see myself and how I feel about myself and my ability to
I feel about myself and my ability to
I feel about myself and my ability to recognize and accept other people’s love
recognize and accept other people’s love
recognize and accept other people’s love more examples I can’t you living like
more examples I can’t you living like
more examples I can’t you living like this okay
this okay
this okay I get it and what can you start doing
I get it and what can you start doing
I get it and what can you start doing not live like that you mean live
not live like that you mean live
not live like that you mean live differently yes of course you can
differently yes of course you can
differently yes of course you can especially when you focus on it people
especially when you focus on it people
especially when you focus on it people change their minds and change their
change their minds and change their
change their minds and change their lives every single day I have to make
lives every single day I have to make
lives every single day I have to make some changes or I choose to make some
some changes or I choose to make some
some changes or I choose to make some adjustments stress and overwhelm or ease
adjustments stress and overwhelm or ease
adjustments stress and overwhelm or ease and manageable and some of our language
and manageable and some of our language
and manageable and some of our language is very very subtle I’m still dealing
is very very subtle I’m still dealing
is very very subtle I’m still dealing with that situation or I’m currently
with that situation or I’m currently
with that situation or I’m currently dealing with that situation here the
dealing with that situation here the
dealing with that situation here the difference the yield the difference
difference the yield the difference
difference the yield the difference still stillness stagnant currently
still stillness stagnant currently
still stillness stagnant currently current movement interesting huh let’s
current movement interesting huh let’s
current movement interesting huh let’s jump back to the sad story of that
jump back to the sad story of that
jump back to the sad story of that broken would be pro fighter how could
broken would be pro fighter how could
broken would be pro fighter how could that doomed to fail loser ever do
that doomed to fail loser ever do
that doomed to fail loser ever do something like present this at a TEDx
something like present this at a TEDx
something like present this at a TEDx event simple
event simple
event simple I changed the conversation I was having
I changed the conversation I was having
I changed the conversation I was having in my mind and I changed what I was
in my mind and I changed what I was
in my mind and I changed what I was focusing on I went from fixating and
focusing on I went from fixating and
focusing on I went from fixating and obsessing really about all the things
obsessing really about all the things
obsessing really about all the things that I have lost and how my life could
that I have lost and how my life could
that I have lost and how my life could have been – focusing on what I could do
have been – focusing on what I could do
have been – focusing on what I could do and where I could go and in that
and where I could go and in that
and where I could go and in that transition and because of that
transition and because of that
transition and because of that transition my identity changed
remember the official definition of
remember the official definition of identity the fact of being who or what a
identity the fact of being who or what a
identity the fact of being who or what a person is all due respect to the people
person is all due respect to the people
person is all due respect to the people over at merriam-webster and that
over at merriam-webster and that
over at merriam-webster and that definition sounds like a mental prison
definition sounds like a mental prison
definition sounds like a mental prison sentence if you ask me I’m here to
sentence if you ask me I’m here to
sentence if you ask me I’m here to challenge that definition because I
challenge that definition because I
challenge that definition because I believe that how we are taught to see
believe that how we are taught to see
believe that how we are taught to see identity is one of the most crippling
identity is one of the most crippling
identity is one of the most crippling lessons that we learn class division
lessons that we learn class division
lessons that we learn class division divorce bullying
divorce bullying
divorce bullying lack of empathy these are all conflicts
lack of empathy these are all conflicts
lack of empathy these are all conflicts that feast on rigid structures and rigid
that feast on rigid structures and rigid
that feast on rigid structures and rigid people how am I supposed to change my
people how am I supposed to change my
people how am I supposed to change my life if I’m locked into a static
life if I’m locked into a static
life if I’m locked into a static identity how am I supposed to change my
identity how am I supposed to change my
identity how am I supposed to change my mind if I think that’s just the way I am
imagine what our world would look like
imagine what our world would look like if we saw ourselves more as processes
if we saw ourselves more as processes
if we saw ourselves more as processes instead of static has bins and always
instead of static has bins and always
instead of static has bins and always will beat whether you think you can or
will beat whether you think you can or
will beat whether you think you can or you think you can’t you’re right
you think you can’t you’re right
you think you can’t you’re right that’s Henry Ford a man that knew a
that’s Henry Ford a man that knew a
that’s Henry Ford a man that knew a little bit about process let’s expand
little bit about process let’s expand
little bit about process let’s expand upon that quote whether you think you
upon that quote whether you think you
upon that quote whether you think you are good enough where you think you are
are good enough where you think you are
are good enough where you think you are not good enough you will try to prove
not good enough you will try to prove
not good enough you will try to prove yourself right when my knee and my
yourself right when my knee and my
yourself right when my knee and my identity were torn apart in Thailand all
identity were torn apart in Thailand all
identity were torn apart in Thailand all those years ago I thought my life was
those years ago I thought my life was
those years ago I thought my life was over I really did in reality it was
over I really did in reality it was
over I really did in reality it was simply the beginning of the end of how I
simply the beginning of the end of how I
simply the beginning of the end of how I saw myself you see I am a powerful verb
saw myself you see I am a powerful verb
saw myself you see I am a powerful verb and not a fragile now and so are you see
and not a fragile now and so are you see
and not a fragile now and so are you see yourself as a process and watch what
yourself as a process and watch what
yourself as a process and watch what happens to the person thank you
happens to the person thank you
happens to the person thank you [Applause]
”
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