so I am here today to talk to you about weddings and that might seem like a kind
weddings and that might seem like a kind
weddings and that might seem like a kind of strange topic this is a day about
of strange topic this is a day about
of strange topic this is a day about change and innovation and weddings are
change and innovation and weddings are
change and innovation and weddings are all about tradition right well that’s
all about tradition right well that’s
all about tradition right well that’s kind of the problem
kind of the problem
kind of the problem so who here recognizes this image of
so who here recognizes this image of
so who here recognizes this image of course you do
course you do
course you do Disney is a part of the American
Disney is a part of the American
Disney is a part of the American consciousness and pretty much since
consciousness and pretty much since
consciousness and pretty much since birth
birth
birth it’s likely that Disney has been a part
it’s likely that Disney has been a part
it’s likely that Disney has been a part of your life and that means weddings
of your life and that means weddings
of your life and that means weddings have been a part of your life for more
have been a part of your life for more
have been a part of your life for more than 70 years Disney has shown us images
than 70 years Disney has shown us images
than 70 years Disney has shown us images of the fairy tale wedding which as we
of the fairy tale wedding which as we
of the fairy tale wedding which as we know is the end of every great love
know is the end of every great love
know is the end of every great love story and once married all that really
story and once married all that really
story and once married all that really matters is that the couple lived happily
matters is that the couple lived happily
matters is that the couple lived happily ever after
ever after
ever after even cartoon animals can’t escape this
even cartoon animals can’t escape this
even cartoon animals can’t escape this social construct
let’s not blame it all on Disney from
let’s not blame it all on Disney from willing Kate to movies musicals TV shows
willing Kate to movies musicals TV shows
willing Kate to movies musicals TV shows comic books and more we have been told
comic books and more we have been told
comic books and more we have been told that everyone’s quest for happiness
that everyone’s quest for happiness
that everyone’s quest for happiness means wedding it is universal and it’s
means wedding it is universal and it’s
means wedding it is universal and it’s ubiquitous so if everyone in America is
ubiquitous so if everyone in America is
ubiquitous so if everyone in America is told that they need to get married in
told that they need to get married in
told that they need to get married in order to be happy why do all the wedding
order to be happy why do all the wedding
order to be happy why do all the wedding magazines look like this
so one of these all have in common they
so one of these all have in common they are almost all of white thin
are almost all of white thin
are almost all of white thin twenty-something cisgender Brides
twenty-something cisgender Brides
twenty-something cisgender Brides apparently diversity in the wedding
apparently diversity in the wedding
apparently diversity in the wedding industry means olive skin and brunette
industry means olive skin and brunette
industry means olive skin and brunette hair
hair
hair a 2013 academic research study from the
a 2013 academic research study from the
a 2013 academic research study from the University of Wisconsin showed that
University of Wisconsin showed that
University of Wisconsin showed that ninety percent of the women in these
ninety percent of the women in these
ninety percent of the women in these magazines were white census data shows
magazines were white census data shows
magazines were white census data shows that white people actually make up
that white people actually make up
that white people actually make up closer to 60% of the population that’s
closer to 60% of the population that’s
closer to 60% of the population that’s not hard math to do so to add to that
not hard math to do so to add to that
not hard math to do so to add to that when a woman of color does show up in
when a woman of color does show up in
when a woman of color does show up in the pages of these magazines she was
the pages of these magazines she was
the pages of these magazines she was usually light skinned or her photos had
usually light skinned or her photos had
usually light skinned or her photos had been edited to make her skin look even
been edited to make her skin look even
been edited to make her skin look even lighter sometimes to the point where her
lighter sometimes to the point where her
lighter sometimes to the point where her race was hard to determine at all we
race was hard to determine at all we
race was hard to determine at all we have seen that research reinforced time
have seen that research reinforced time
have seen that research reinforced time and again as women of color have had
and again as women of color have had
and again as women of color have had their photos edited to make their skin
their photos edited to make their skin
their photos edited to make their skin look lighter just take for example these
look lighter just take for example these
look lighter just take for example these two covers of InStyle magazine
two covers of InStyle magazine
two covers of InStyle magazine hard who believe that these are both
hard who believe that these are both
hard who believe that these are both images of Kerry Washington so when we
images of Kerry Washington so when we
images of Kerry Washington so when we are taught since birth that the only way
are taught since birth that the only way
are taught since birth that the only way to live happily ever after is to get
to live happily ever after is to get
to live happily ever after is to get married but we leave out huge swathes of
married but we leave out huge swathes of
married but we leave out huge swathes of the population I have to wonder if as a
the population I have to wonder if as a
the population I have to wonder if as a society we are trying to say that these
society we are trying to say that these
society we are trying to say that these people don’t deserve happiness couples
people don’t deserve happiness couples
people don’t deserve happiness couples like ty and Jared and the 38% of people
like ty and Jared and the 38% of people
like ty and Jared and the 38% of people in this country who are Americans of
in this country who are Americans of
in this country who are Americans of color couples like Gina and Nicole and
color couples like Gina and Nicole and
color couples like Gina and Nicole and the eight and a half percent of
the eight and a half percent of
the eight and a half percent of Americans living with disabilities
Americans living with disabilities
Americans living with disabilities couples like Nora and Ben and the
couples like Nora and Ben and the
couples like Nora and Ben and the thirteen and a half percent of Americans
thirteen and a half percent of Americans
thirteen and a half percent of Americans living in poverty or who simply cannot
living in poverty or who simply cannot
living in poverty or who simply cannot fathom spending eight months of
fathom spending eight months of
fathom spending eight months of paychecks on a one day wedding and
paychecks on a one day wedding and
paychecks on a one day wedding and instead up to elope couples like Massino
instead up to elope couples like Massino
instead up to elope couples like Massino and graham and the 14 percent of
and graham and the 14 percent of
and graham and the 14 percent of americans in interracial relationships
americans in interracial relationships
americans in interracial relationships relationship couples like
relationship couples like
relationship couples like adding it and Raymond and seriously his
adding it and Raymond and seriously his
adding it and Raymond and seriously his smile is amazing and all of those who
smile is amazing and all of those who
smile is amazing and all of those who marry are remarry later in life couples
marry are remarry later in life couples
marry are remarry later in life couples like Pez and Sophia and all those whose
like Pez and Sophia and all those whose
like Pez and Sophia and all those whose gender identity doesn’t match their
gender identity doesn’t match their
gender identity doesn’t match their birth sex or doesn’t fit into the
birth sex or doesn’t fit into the
birth sex or doesn’t fit into the male-female binary and also couples like
male-female binary and also couples like
male-female binary and also couples like jasmine and jasmine and all those who
jasmine and jasmine and all those who
jasmine and jasmine and all those who identify as lesbian gay bisexual or
identify as lesbian gay bisexual or
identify as lesbian gay bisexual or queer and finally people like me people
queer and finally people like me people
queer and finally people like me people whose bodies don’t align to the size to
whose bodies don’t align to the size to
whose bodies don’t align to the size to ideal of beauty do all of us not deserve
ideal of beauty do all of us not deserve
ideal of beauty do all of us not deserve the love and happiness that we are
the love and happiness that we are
the love and happiness that we are taught comes with being partnered well
taught comes with being partnered well
taught comes with being partnered well once again magazines like this say no in
once again magazines like this say no in
once again magazines like this say no in the average 300 page wedding magazine
the average 300 page wedding magazine
the average 300 page wedding magazine 200 of those pages are gonna be filled
200 of those pages are gonna be filled
200 of those pages are gonna be filled with ads those ads are gonna try to sell
with ads those ads are gonna try to sell
with ads those ads are gonna try to sell you everything from dresses to resorts
you everything from dresses to resorts
you everything from dresses to resorts to Botox and weight-loss drugs in the
to Botox and weight-loss drugs in the
to Botox and weight-loss drugs in the remaining hundred pages you’re only
remaining hundred pages you’re only
remaining hundred pages you’re only likely to see about 20 photos of actual
likely to see about 20 photos of actual
likely to see about 20 photos of actual couples and those are probably gonna be
couples and those are probably gonna be
couples and those are probably gonna be celebrities with the wedding is so
celebrities with the wedding is so
celebrities with the wedding is so extravagant that they might as well be
extravagant that they might as well be
extravagant that they might as well be actual royalty
actual royalty
actual royalty so while pop culture has told us that
so while pop culture has told us that
so while pop culture has told us that the only way to live happily ever after
the only way to live happily ever after
the only way to live happily ever after is to get married wedding media instead
is to get married wedding media instead
is to get married wedding media instead has told us that it’s about selling you
has told us that it’s about selling you
has told us that it’s about selling you an unattainable image and emptying your
an unattainable image and emptying your
an unattainable image and emptying your bank account so how do we change that
bank account so how do we change that
bank account so how do we change that narrative how do we redirect the moving
narrative how do we redirect the moving
narrative how do we redirect the moving train that is the nearly seventy billion
train that is the nearly seventy billion
train that is the nearly seventy billion dollar wedding industry just to put that
dollar wedding industry just to put that
dollar wedding industry just to put that even more into context that’s about the
even more into context that’s about the
even more into context that’s about the same amount of money as the proposed
same amount of money as the proposed
same amount of money as the proposed 2018 federal education budget how do we
2018 federal education budget how do we
2018 federal education budget how do we disrupt something that we stopped
disrupt something that we stopped
disrupt something that we stopped questioning almost at birth well but
questioning almost at birth well but
questioning almost at birth well but simply representation matters it matters
simply representation matters it matters
simply representation matters it matters who we see in magazines
who we see in magazines
who we see in magazines it matters who we see in leading roles
it matters who we see in leading roles
it matters who we see in leading roles in movies and television and
in movies and television and
in movies and television and matters who we see recognized with
matters who we see recognized with
matters who we see recognized with Oscars and accolades in our society the
Oscars and accolades in our society the
Oscars and accolades in our society the media is responsible for making sure
media is responsible for making sure
media is responsible for making sure that all people are represented and in
that all people are represented and in
that all people are represented and in turn are made to feel like they belong
turn are made to feel like they belong
turn are made to feel like they belong so that’s where I come in I am a
so that’s where I come in I am a
so that’s where I come in I am a creative director for a wedding magazine
creative director for a wedding magazine
creative director for a wedding magazine dedicated to inclusivity love and
dedicated to inclusivity love and
dedicated to inclusivity love and happiness for all but
but it’s not enough for us to just
but it’s not enough for us to just change the faces of the people that we
change the faces of the people that we
change the faces of the people that we see in these magazines we also have to
see in these magazines we also have to
see in these magazines we also have to shift away from the consumerism up
shift away from the consumerism up
shift away from the consumerism up weddings and that fairy tale mentality
weddings and that fairy tale mentality
weddings and that fairy tale mentality that we see time and again we and that
that we see time and again we and that
that we see time and again we and that means everyone here in this audience
means everyone here in this audience
means everyone here in this audience needs to change how we talk about
needs to change how we talk about
needs to change how we talk about weddings we have to stop putting so much
weddings we have to stop putting so much
weddings we have to stop putting so much focus on material things when it comes
focus on material things when it comes
focus on material things when it comes to weddings can each of you think back
to weddings can each of you think back
to weddings can each of you think back to a time when someone you knew was
to a time when someone you knew was
to a time when someone you knew was getting married
getting married
getting married did anybody ask them about their
did anybody ask them about their
did anybody ask them about their engagement ring post those pictures on
engagement ring post those pictures on
engagement ring post those pictures on facebook asking you about your dress
facebook asking you about your dress
facebook asking you about your dress your suit your venue or your decorations
your suit your venue or your decorations
your suit your venue or your decorations I know when I was getting married it’s
I know when I was getting married it’s
I know when I was getting married it’s all anyone seemed to care about nobody
all anyone seemed to care about nobody
all anyone seemed to care about nobody asked me about my partnership my vows
asked me about my partnership my vows
asked me about my partnership my vows are my commitment to stand by and love
are my commitment to stand by and love
are my commitment to stand by and love another person for the rest of my life
another person for the rest of my life
another person for the rest of my life we also have to stop putting so much
we also have to stop putting so much
we also have to stop putting so much focus on appearance and expecting people
focus on appearance and expecting people
focus on appearance and expecting people especially women to change their
especially women to change their
especially women to change their appearance for their wedding day think
appearance for their wedding day think
appearance for their wedding day think back again to a time when you knew
back again to a time when you knew
back again to a time when you knew somebody who is getting married did
somebody who is getting married did
somebody who is getting married did anyone ask them if they were planning to
anyone ask them if they were planning to
anyone ask them if they were planning to go on a diet lose some weight even just
go on a diet lose some weight even just
go on a diet lose some weight even just ask them how they were planning to wear
ask them how they were planning to wear
ask them how they were planning to wear their hair or their makeup all of these
their hair or their makeup all of these
their hair or their makeup all of these questions just continue to feed into the
questions just continue to feed into the
questions just continue to feed into the expectation that people need to change
expectation that people need to change
expectation that people need to change who they are in order to deserve the
who they are in order to deserve the
who they are in order to deserve the love of their partner when really we
love of their partner when really we
love of their partner when really we just need to celebrate that people are
just need to celebrate that people are
just need to celebrate that people are being accepted for exactly who they are
being accepted for exactly who they are
being accepted for exactly who they are and finally we need to resist the
and finally we need to resist the
and finally we need to resist the narrative that the only way to be happy
narrative that the only way to be happy
narrative that the only way to be happy is to be partnered we need to celebrate
is to be partnered we need to celebrate
is to be partnered we need to celebrate [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] we need to celebrate all kinds of love
we need to celebrate all kinds of love
we need to celebrate all kinds of love that means friend love family loves and
that means friend love family loves and
that means friend love family loves and self love so we can finally live in a
self love so we can finally live in a
self love so we can finally live in a society where truly everyone feels
society where truly everyone feels
society where truly everyone feels equally deserving of happiness thank you
”
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