to pursue my education in Canada when I was 18 years of age I went to study
was 18 years of age I went to study
was 18 years of age I went to study linguistics at University of Montreal
linguistics at University of Montreal
linguistics at University of Montreal that was the first time I ever travelled
that was the first time I ever travelled
that was the first time I ever travelled so I go there it’s a new country it’s a
so I go there it’s a new country it’s a
so I go there it’s a new country it’s a new culture that’s a new place a lot of
new culture that’s a new place a lot of
new culture that’s a new place a lot of adaptation to do for sure two months
adaptation to do for sure two months
adaptation to do for sure two months later I realize I don’t have any friends
later I realize I don’t have any friends
later I realize I don’t have any friends I’m still there I University and I don’t
I’m still there I University and I don’t
I’m still there I University and I don’t have friends all I did at that time was
have friends all I did at that time was
have friends all I did at that time was sit in the cafeteria and wait maybe I
sit in the cafeteria and wait maybe I
sit in the cafeteria and wait maybe I had this idea that maybe by just sitting
had this idea that maybe by just sitting
had this idea that maybe by just sitting there looking nice and smiling somebody
there looking nice and smiling somebody
there looking nice and smiling somebody will come to me and ask me Rheda I’d
will come to me and ask me Rheda I’d
will come to me and ask me Rheda I’d love to be your friends well that didn’t
love to be your friends well that didn’t
love to be your friends well that didn’t work so one day I was as I was walking
work so one day I was as I was walking
work so one day I was as I was walking in the campus I looked and there was an
in the campus I looked and there was an
in the campus I looked and there was an announcement about a position at
announcement about a position at
announcement about a position at University of Montreal for someone to be
University of Montreal for someone to be
University of Montreal for someone to be responsible for the student life of the
responsible for the student life of the
responsible for the student life of the linguistics departments I thought to
linguistics departments I thought to
linguistics departments I thought to myself wow that’s it that’s what I need
myself wow that’s it that’s what I need
myself wow that’s it that’s what I need to do I need to get that position and
to do I need to get that position and
to do I need to get that position and order for people to come towards me and
order for people to come towards me and
order for people to come towards me and talk to me one thing you need to know
talk to me one thing you need to know
talk to me one thing you need to know about me I did not have social skills
about me I did not have social skills
about me I did not have social skills when I was living in Lebanon I grew up
when I was living in Lebanon I grew up
when I was living in Lebanon I grew up during the war and the friends that I
during the war and the friends that I
during the war and the friends that I had for the friends that were de facto
had for the friends that were de facto
had for the friends that were de facto there fleeing the war with me so it
there fleeing the war with me so it
there fleeing the war with me so it wasn’t really hard to make friends they
wasn’t really hard to make friends they
wasn’t really hard to make friends they were just there in Montreal it was a
were just there in Montreal it was a
were just there in Montreal it was a little bit different so one thing that I
little bit different so one thing that I
little bit different so one thing that I needed to do for me to become the
needed to do for me to become the
needed to do for me to become the responsible of the Linguistics
responsible of the Linguistics
responsible of the Linguistics Department for the student life was run
Department for the student life was run
Department for the student life was run for elections go figure
for elections go figure
for elections go figure we needed to do two things the first
we needed to do two things the first
we needed to do two things the first thing was for me to post my photos all
thing was for me to post my photos all
thing was for me to post my photos all over campus and ask people to vote for
over campus and ask people to vote for
over campus and ask people to vote for hidden embrace change at that time I
hidden embrace change at that time I
hidden embrace change at that time I thought that change was about people
thought that change was about people
thought that change was about people accepting me you know this
accepting me you know this
accepting me you know this indian-looking Lebanese who spoke
indian-looking Lebanese who spoke
indian-looking Lebanese who spoke English Arabic French we don’t know
English Arabic French we don’t know
English Arabic French we don’t know little did I know that that change had
little did I know that that change had
little did I know that that change had to do with me my own person so I was
to do with me my own person so I was
to do with me my own person so I was very happy going around and looking and
very happy going around and looking and
very happy going around and looking and you know it’s very flattering to see our
you know it’s very flattering to see our
you know it’s very flattering to see our photos posted all over the campus but
photos posted all over the campus but
photos posted all over the campus but the second thing I needed to do was
the second thing I needed to do was
the second thing I needed to do was prepare is peach I had to write a speech
prepare is peach I had to write a speech
prepare is peach I had to write a speech for the first time in my life and then I
for the first time in my life and then I
for the first time in my life and then I had to actually give it in front of a
had to actually give it in front of a
had to actually give it in front of a hundred and fifty students and these
hundred and fifty students and these
hundred and fifty students and these people had to decide of my face whether
people had to decide of my face whether
people had to decide of my face whether I am to be elected the responsible of
I am to be elected the responsible of
I am to be elected the responsible of student life or not and I had to give
student life or not and I had to give
student life or not and I had to give that speech in an auditorium just like
that speech in an auditorium just like
that speech in an auditorium just like this so as the speech was approaching I
this so as the speech was approaching I
this so as the speech was approaching I noticed that I was getting extremely
noticed that I was getting extremely
noticed that I was getting extremely stressed I was very nervous
stressed I was very nervous
stressed I was very nervous shaky and then I was thinking to myself
shaky and then I was thinking to myself
shaky and then I was thinking to myself are you down what have you done all I
are you down what have you done all I
are you down what have you done all I was thinking about is just run away so
was thinking about is just run away so
was thinking about is just run away so it’s only later that I understood what
it’s only later that I understood what
it’s only later that I understood what was really going on you see we humans
was really going on you see we humans
was really going on you see we humans when we perceive danger what happens
when we perceive danger what happens
when we perceive danger what happens this our emotional brain which is
this our emotional brain which is
this our emotional brain which is located right here gives a signal to
located right here gives a signal to
located right here gives a signal to something we call adrenal glands adrenal
something we call adrenal glands adrenal
something we call adrenal glands adrenal glands we have two of them located on
glands we have two of them located on
glands we have two of them located on top of our of our kidneys basically
top of our of our kidneys basically
top of our of our kidneys basically their job is to pump
their job is to pump
their job is to pump adrenaline like a lot of adrenaline
adrenaline like a lot of adrenaline
adrenaline like a lot of adrenaline because Adrenaline’s job is to make the
because Adrenaline’s job is to make the
because Adrenaline’s job is to make the heart beat fast the reason why the heart
heart beat fast the reason why the heart
heart beat fast the reason why the heart needs to beat fast is because the blood
needs to beat fast is because the blood
needs to beat fast is because the blood has to go to the hands the legs in order
has to go to the hands the legs in order
has to go to the hands the legs in order for us to be ready to flee the danger
for us to be ready to flee the danger
for us to be ready to flee the danger something we call the flight running
something we call the flight running
something we call the flight running away from the danger or the fight
away from the danger or the fight
away from the danger or the fight response we also need to know that in
response we also need to know that in
response we also need to know that in the area where the logic is which is
the area where the logic is which is
the area where the logic is which is located here it’s called the prefrontal
located here it’s called the prefrontal
located here it’s called the prefrontal cortex this is where we make sense of
cortex this is where we make sense of
cortex this is where we make sense of what’s going on does not really work at
what’s going on does not really work at
what’s going on does not really work at that time when we are stressed because
that time when we are stressed because
that time when we are stressed because we need to flee and this is survival and
we need to flee and this is survival and
we need to flee and this is survival and it’s automatic so what was going on with
it’s automatic so what was going on with
it’s automatic so what was going on with me every time I’m thinking about this
me every time I’m thinking about this
me every time I’m thinking about this speech that I needed to say I would feel
speech that I needed to say I would feel
speech that I needed to say I would feel my heart beat fast my breath I became
my heart beat fast my breath I became
my heart beat fast my breath I became short of breath I’ll be standing and
short of breath I’ll be standing and
short of breath I’ll be standing and then you know when you are short of
then you know when you are short of
then you know when you are short of breath what happens is you can feel you
breath what happens is you can feel you
breath what happens is you can feel you can hear yourself going like and then
can hear yourself going like and then
can hear yourself going like and then every time I’d get weak knees look oh my
every time I’d get weak knees look oh my
every time I’d get weak knees look oh my god what am i doing well this is how we
god what am i doing well this is how we
god what am i doing well this is how we respond to fear and that’s very natural
respond to fear and that’s very natural
respond to fear and that’s very natural another thing is when we perceive danger
another thing is when we perceive danger
another thing is when we perceive danger basically what happens is we get
basically what happens is we get
basically what happens is we get something we call tunnel vision tunnel
something we call tunnel vision tunnel
something we call tunnel vision tunnel vision is what makes us focus on the
vision is what makes us focus on the
vision is what makes us focus on the danger and order for us to flee it to
danger and order for us to flee it to
danger and order for us to flee it to survive so what’s gone on in my head was
survive so what’s gone on in my head was
survive so what’s gone on in my head was oh my god I’m not gonna be able to do
oh my god I’m not gonna be able to do
oh my god I’m not gonna be able to do this along with this comes these
this along with this comes these
this along with this comes these thoughts and I’m sure that you are very
thoughts and I’m sure that you are very
thoughts and I’m sure that you are very very familiar with such thoughts when
very familiar with such thoughts when
very familiar with such thoughts when you are very stressed I’d be thinking I
you are very stressed I’d be thinking I
you are very stressed I’d be thinking I can’t pull this one off my mind is gonna
can’t pull this one off my mind is gonna
can’t pull this one off my mind is gonna go blank I’m not gonna remember what I
go blank I’m not gonna remember what I
go blank I’m not gonna remember what I need to stay and of course I will remain
need to stay and of course I will remain
need to stay and of course I will remain friendless forever and the problem with
friendless forever and the problem with
friendless forever and the problem with fear is when we start thinking that way
fear is when we start thinking that way
fear is when we start thinking that way what happens is
what happens is
what happens is we’ll be even more scared it means we
we’ll be even more scared it means we
we’ll be even more scared it means we will get more hearts palpitations we
will get more hearts palpitations we
will get more hearts palpitations we will always be short of breath and will
will always be short of breath and will
will always be short of breath and will always get these weak knees and that’s
always get these weak knees and that’s
always get these weak knees and that’s not gonna help
not gonna help
not gonna help and of course fleeing was not an option
and of course fleeing was not an option
and of course fleeing was not an option at that time so I thought to myself Reda
at that time so I thought to myself Reda
at that time so I thought to myself Reda think think what did you do when you
think think what did you do when you
think think what did you do when you were scared when you were younger or
were scared when you were younger or
were scared when you were younger or when you were back in Lebanon and then I
when you were back in Lebanon and then I
when you were back in Lebanon and then I realized I was put in very stressful
realized I was put in very stressful
realized I was put in very stressful situations and I was able to actually
situations and I was able to actually
situations and I was able to actually make it I also remember the voice of my
make it I also remember the voice of my
make it I also remember the voice of my mother telling me have you done with
mother telling me have you done with
mother telling me have you done with determination and perseverance nothing
determination and perseverance nothing
determination and perseverance nothing is impossible I also thought about that
is impossible I also thought about that
is impossible I also thought about that cliche thing whatever doesn’t kill you
cliche thing whatever doesn’t kill you
cliche thing whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
makes you stronger
makes you stronger when I said yeah well really that was a
when I said yeah well really that was a
when I said yeah well really that was a big deal I’m not gonna die giving a
big deal I’m not gonna die giving a
big deal I’m not gonna die giving a speech I mean thinking that can happen
so go back to this I want you to tell
so go back to this I want you to tell you or to continue the story I want to
you or to continue the story I want to
you or to continue the story I want to tell you that I still wrote that speech
tell you that I still wrote that speech
tell you that I still wrote that speech and I was able to deliver the speech and
and I was able to deliver the speech and
and I was able to deliver the speech and I wish I knew then what I am going to
I wish I knew then what I am going to
I wish I knew then what I am going to show you right now I’m gonna invite you
show you right now I’m gonna invite you
show you right now I’m gonna invite you to close your eyes please whoever can
to close your eyes please whoever can
to close your eyes please whoever can see me right now
see me right now
see me right now means they don’t have their eyes closed
means they don’t have their eyes closed
means they don’t have their eyes closed okay I want you to think of a small
okay I want you to think of a small
okay I want you to think of a small stressful situation a small stress maybe
stressful situation a small stress maybe
stressful situation a small stress maybe a small challenge that you fear take
a small challenge that you fear take
a small challenge that you fear take your time think about it while thinking
your time think about it while thinking
your time think about it while thinking about it just notice what’s happening in
about it just notice what’s happening in
about it just notice what’s happening in your body
your body
your body maybe thoughts that are rushing maybe a
maybe thoughts that are rushing maybe a
maybe thoughts that are rushing maybe a faster heartbeat just be there and just
faster heartbeat just be there and just
faster heartbeat just be there and just think about that now stop
think about that now stop
think about that now stop open your eyes okay the first thing that
open your eyes okay the first thing that
open your eyes okay the first thing that we need to do when we feel when we feel
we need to do when we feel when we feel
we need to do when we feel when we feel stressed or only have fear is to
stressed or only have fear is to
stressed or only have fear is to actually stop ourselves we have to take
actually stop ourselves we have to take
actually stop ourselves we have to take a minute take a minute to assess what’s
a minute take a minute to assess what’s
a minute take a minute to assess what’s going on after stop we’re gonna have to
going on after stop we’re gonna have to
going on after stop we’re gonna have to breathe because breathing is the only
breathe because breathing is the only
breathe because breathing is the only thing that’s gonna make our heart beat a
thing that’s gonna make our heart beat a
thing that’s gonna make our heart beat a little bit less fast meaning less
little bit less fast meaning less
little bit less fast meaning less stressed so I’m gonna show you this I’m
stressed so I’m gonna show you this I’m
stressed so I’m gonna show you this I’m not gonna ask you to do it with me first
not gonna ask you to do it with me first
not gonna ask you to do it with me first just watch what I’m doing and then we’ll
just watch what I’m doing and then we’ll
just watch what I’m doing and then we’ll do it together
do it together
do it together okay I’m gonna invite you in a bit to
okay I’m gonna invite you in a bit to
okay I’m gonna invite you in a bit to think oh to imagine that you have a
think oh to imagine that you have a
think oh to imagine that you have a small balloon in your stomach and that
small balloon in your stomach and that
small balloon in your stomach and that you have a straw a very small straw in
you have a straw a very small straw in
you have a straw a very small straw in your mouth I’m gonna invite you to
your mouth I’m gonna invite you to
your mouth I’m gonna invite you to inhale slowly and I would like to hear
inhale slowly and I would like to hear
inhale slowly and I would like to hear this sound
I’m gonna ask you to stop and hold your
I’m gonna ask you to stop and hold your breath like I’m doing right now and I’m
breath like I’m doing right now and I’m
breath like I’m doing right now and I’m gonna ask you to exhale the same way
gonna ask you to exhale the same way
gonna ask you to exhale the same way like this are you ready
like this are you ready
like this are you ready stand up please okay
so hands on the stomach we have a nice
so hands on the stomach we have a nice little straw in our mouth and we are
little straw in our mouth and we are
little straw in our mouth and we are imagining we have a pouch or a balloon
imagining we have a pouch or a balloon
imagining we have a pouch or a balloon in our stomach here so I’m gonna invite
in our stomach here so I’m gonna invite
in our stomach here so I’m gonna invite you to inhale inhale 1 2 3 4 5 stop now
you to inhale inhale 1 2 3 4 5 stop now
you to inhale inhale 1 2 3 4 5 stop now I’m gonna invite you to exhale 5 4 3 2 1
I’m gonna invite you to exhale 5 4 3 2 1
I’m gonna invite you to exhale 5 4 3 2 1 excellent let’s do it one more time are
excellent let’s do it one more time are
excellent let’s do it one more time are you ready all right
you ready all right
you ready all right inhale 1 2 3 4 5 stop exhale 5 4 3 2 1
inhale 1 2 3 4 5 stop exhale 5 4 3 2 1
inhale 1 2 3 4 5 stop exhale 5 4 3 2 1 thank you you may be seated so what we
thank you you may be seated so what we
thank you you may be seated so what we try to actually do right now is just
try to actually do right now is just
try to actually do right now is just calm our heartbeats calm ourselves a
calm our heartbeats calm ourselves a
calm our heartbeats calm ourselves a little bit after breathing is the time
little bit after breathing is the time
little bit after breathing is the time to think
to think
to think now that we are calmer it’s much easier
now that we are calmer it’s much easier
now that we are calmer it’s much easier to rationalize now I’m gonna invite you
to rationalize now I’m gonna invite you
to rationalize now I’m gonna invite you to think about that stressor and ask
to think about that stressor and ask
to think about that stressor and ask yourselves is this thinking logical
would my friends agree with me did I
would my friends agree with me did I ever do something like this before
what’s the worst thing that can happen
what’s the worst thing that can happen to me if I did this now that you did the
to me if I did this now that you did the
to me if I did this now that you did the evaluation and you thought about it
evaluation and you thought about it
evaluation and you thought about it now it will be time to act maybe leave
now it will be time to act maybe leave
now it will be time to act maybe leave the irrational and make a plan for the
the irrational and make a plan for the
the irrational and make a plan for the rational so go back to my story I would
rational so go back to my story I would
rational so go back to my story I would like to know that I did run and I did my
like to know that I did run and I did my
like to know that I did run and I did my speech I was and I won the seat
speech I was and I won the seat
speech I was and I won the seat we were three people running and I took
we were three people running and I took
we were three people running and I took it I was very proud of myself and of
it I was very proud of myself and of
it I was very proud of myself and of course that helped build my
course that helped build my
course that helped build my self-confidence what I’m actually
self-confidence what I’m actually
self-confidence what I’m actually telling you is fear is a natural feeling
telling you is fear is a natural feeling
telling you is fear is a natural feeling and it’s normal to be scared and
and it’s normal to be scared and
and it’s normal to be scared and stressed because this is survival and
stressed because this is survival and
stressed because this is survival and it’s also important to recognize the way
it’s also important to recognize the way
it’s also important to recognize the way we feel so it’s okay to know that we
we feel so it’s okay to know that we
we feel so it’s okay to know that we have fears because if we deny our
have fears because if we deny our
have fears because if we deny our emotions what happens is we get to be
emotions what happens is we get to be
emotions what happens is we get to be doing negative coping skills meaning we
doing negative coping skills meaning we
doing negative coping skills meaning we will be more irritable more aggressive
will be more irritable more aggressive
will be more irritable more aggressive less assertive and I’m sure this is not
less assertive and I’m sure this is not
less assertive and I’m sure this is not the place where you’d like to be so
the place where you’d like to be so
the place where you’d like to be so acknowledging the way we feel when
acknowledging the way we feel when
acknowledging the way we feel when stopping when breathing when thinking
stopping when breathing when thinking
stopping when breathing when thinking when acting then that would be much
when acting then that would be much
when acting then that would be much easier and this is not something you
easier and this is not something you
easier and this is not something you should be scared of let’s call this s b
should be scared of let’s call this s b
should be scared of let’s call this s b t a much easier to actually remember it
t a much easier to actually remember it
t a much easier to actually remember it together s b t a one more time s b t a
together s b t a one more time s b t a
together s b t a one more time s b t a thank you one more words I am the
thank you one more words I am the
thank you one more words I am the alchemist for my own path and so you can
alchemist for my own path and so you can
alchemist for my own path and so you can be thanked
be thanked
be thanked [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
”
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