[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] conflicts why is it that we avoid them
conflicts why is it that we avoid them
conflicts why is it that we avoid them so much just by hearing the word
so much just by hearing the word
so much just by hearing the word conflict sometimes we already feel
conflict sometimes we already feel
conflict sometimes we already feel something bad why is it that we try to
something bad why is it that we try to
something bad why is it that we try to avoid conflict so much if it’s
avoid conflict so much if it’s
avoid conflict so much if it’s unavoidable
unavoidable
unavoidable I never seen any human relationship that
I never seen any human relationship that
I never seen any human relationship that didn’t face conflicts sooner or later
didn’t face conflicts sooner or later
didn’t face conflicts sooner or later doesn’t matter if it’s a personal or a
doesn’t matter if it’s a personal or a
doesn’t matter if it’s a personal or a professional relationship sooner or
professional relationship sooner or
professional relationship sooner or later we will face conflicts in 2012 I
later we will face conflicts in 2012 I
later we will face conflicts in 2012 I decided together with my wife and my two
decided together with my wife and my two
decided together with my wife and my two kids and with a group of friends to
kids and with a group of friends to
kids and with a group of friends to create an eco village in the south of
create an eco village in the south of
create an eco village in the south of bahia brazil we were with a group of
bahia brazil we were with a group of
bahia brazil we were with a group of people we trusted we found this amazing
people we trusted we found this amazing
people we trusted we found this amazing piece of land in the riverbanks full of
piece of land in the riverbanks full of
piece of land in the riverbanks full of fruit trees was paradise was a dream
fruit trees was paradise was a dream
fruit trees was paradise was a dream coming true to live and work and share
coming true to live and work and share
coming true to live and work and share our lives with people we trusted a
couple of months later a couple of weeks
couple of months later a couple of weeks we were sharing a communal kitchen and I
we were sharing a communal kitchen and I
we were sharing a communal kitchen and I have to tell you I’m a vegetarian
have to tell you I’m a vegetarian
have to tell you I’m a vegetarian and after a couple of weeks living
and after a couple of weeks living
and after a couple of weeks living together with these amazing people
together with these amazing people
together with these amazing people one day I open up my fridge the communal
one day I open up my fridge the communal
one day I open up my fridge the communal fridge and there was a dead chicken
fridge and there was a dead chicken
fridge and there was a dead chicken staring right back at me maybe for not a
staring right back at me maybe for not a
staring right back at me maybe for not a vegetarian you can’t imagine how I feel
vegetarian you can’t imagine how I feel
vegetarian you can’t imagine how I feel but for me having a free that animal
but for me having a free that animal
but for me having a free that animal freezer is something really important
freezer is something really important
freezer is something really important but for my friend a neighbor and partner
but for my friend a neighbor and partner
but for my friend a neighbor and partner it is really important to eat a healthy
it is really important to eat a healthy
it is really important to eat a healthy chicken that was just walking around us
chicken that was just walking around us
chicken that was just walking around us a couple of hours ago so how can we
a couple of hours ago so how can we
a couple of hours ago so how can we solve this conflict we solved that
solve this conflict we solved that
solve this conflict we solved that conflict and many others that came later
conflict and many others that came later
conflict and many others that came later and then after four years being together
and then after four years being together
and then after four years being together in the second village one night were
in the second village one night were
in the second village one night were very calm relaxing when suddenly four
very calm relaxing when suddenly four
very calm relaxing when suddenly four guys wearing skis masks and holding guns
guys wearing skis masks and holding guns
guys wearing skis masks and holding guns entered our space and threatened our
entered our space and threatened our
entered our space and threatened our lives it’s a very different scale of
lives it’s a very different scale of
lives it’s a very different scale of conflict compared to that chicken in the
conflict compared to that chicken in the
conflict compared to that chicken in the fridge but it’s also conflict what does
fridge but it’s also conflict what does
fridge but it’s also conflict what does this two conflicts have in common and
this two conflicts have in common and
this two conflicts have in common and probably every conflict that there was
probably every conflict that there was
probably every conflict that there was ever existed conflicts come from
ever existed conflicts come from
ever existed conflicts come from unfulfilled needs I needed a fridge free
unfulfilled needs I needed a fridge free
unfulfilled needs I needed a fridge free of that animals my neighbor needed a
of that animals my neighbor needed a
of that animals my neighbor needed a healthy chicken to eat these four guys
healthy chicken to eat these four guys
healthy chicken to eat these four guys that came robbing us they probably had
that came robbing us they probably had
that came robbing us they probably had their needs denied their whole lives and
their needs denied their whole lives and
their needs denied their whole lives and the only way they found to fulfill their
the only way they found to fulfill their
the only way they found to fulfill their needs was resorting to violence so why
needs was resorting to violence so why
needs was resorting to violence so why is it that we try to pretend conflicts
is it that we try to pretend conflicts
is it that we try to pretend conflicts do not exist we say no no we’re all
do not exist we say no no we’re all
do not exist we say no no we’re all friends here everything is great we
friends here everything is great we
friends here everything is great we don’t have any conflicts or we try to
don’t have any conflicts or we try to
don’t have any conflicts or we try to blame it on someone else and say this
blame it on someone else and say this
blame it on someone else and say this guy is the problem he has to leave the
guy is the problem he has to leave the
guy is the problem he has to leave the group we need to eliminate the conflict
group we need to eliminate the conflict
group we need to eliminate the conflict but then we realize that we can’t
but then we realize that we can’t
but then we realize that we can’t eliminate conflict so we try to minimize
eliminate conflict so we try to minimize
eliminate conflict so we try to minimize it no no it’s just a small thing I can
it no no it’s just a small thing I can
it no no it’s just a small thing I can swallow it
yeah but you can’t actually swallow it
yeah but you can’t actually swallow it and what we fail to realize is that
and what we fail to realize is that
and what we fail to realize is that conflict in fact are an opportunity an
conflict in fact are an opportunity an
conflict in fact are an opportunity an opportunity to connect with the people
opportunity to connect with the people
opportunity to connect with the people around us it’s an opportunity to be more
around us it’s an opportunity to be more
around us it’s an opportunity to be more creative to realize a different
creative to realize a different
creative to realize a different perspective so how can we be prepared
perspective so how can we be prepared
perspective so how can we be prepared for conflicts how can we plan for
for conflicts how can we plan for
for conflicts how can we plan for conflicts in advance in my practice
conflicts in advance in my practice
conflicts in advance in my practice I found four steps that helped us out
I found four steps that helped us out
I found four steps that helped us out dealing with conflicts and even
dealing with conflicts and even
dealing with conflicts and even preparing for them in advance and it
preparing for them in advance and it
preparing for them in advance and it starts by writing down clear agreements
starts by writing down clear agreements
starts by writing down clear agreements we have to be very honest talk about
we have to be very honest talk about
we have to be very honest talk about what we need and write down clear
what we need and write down clear
what we need and write down clear agreements to have a contract and then
agreements to have a contract and then
agreements to have a contract and then when conflicts emerge there is a first
when conflicts emerge there is a first
when conflicts emerge there is a first step of dealing with them which is
step of dealing with them which is
step of dealing with them which is direct conversation I try to express my
direct conversation I try to express my
direct conversation I try to express my feelings to explain my needs and I make
feelings to explain my needs and I make
feelings to explain my needs and I make a request and I have to be prepared to
a request and I have to be prepared to
a request and I have to be prepared to perhaps receive a no for an answer and I
perhaps receive a no for an answer and I
perhaps receive a no for an answer and I also listened very deeply to what the
also listened very deeply to what the
also listened very deeply to what the other person has to say to me as well
other person has to say to me as well
other person has to say to me as well profound listening empathy remember
profound listening empathy remember
profound listening empathy remember conflicts our opportunity for
conflicts our opportunity for
conflicts our opportunity for connections for deepening our bonds not
connections for deepening our bonds not
connections for deepening our bonds not always that works so we have a second
always that works so we have a second
always that works so we have a second level we invite someone from our
level we invite someone from our
level we invite someone from our community to mediate our conflict a
community to mediate our conflict a
community to mediate our conflict a person with skills that can help us out
person with skills that can help us out
person with skills that can help us out that is not directly involved in the
that is not directly involved in the
that is not directly involved in the situation and that can listen to both
situation and that can listen to both
situation and that can listen to both sides and support our conflict
sides and support our conflict
sides and support our conflict resolution not always that works either
resolution not always that works either
resolution not always that works either so
so
so we can ask for an external arbitration
we can ask for an external arbitration
we can ask for an external arbitration this is a legal entity that allows us to
this is a legal entity that allows us to
this is a legal entity that allows us to solve conflicts and a much cheaper and
solve conflicts and a much cheaper and
solve conflicts and a much cheaper and faster way than going to regular justice
faster way than going to regular justice
faster way than going to regular justice and the arbitrary is gonna listen to
and the arbitrary is gonna listen to
and the arbitrary is gonna listen to both sides not only according to the law
both sides not only according to the law
both sides not only according to the law but also according to people’s feelings
but also according to people’s feelings
but also according to people’s feelings so this is a buffer we have before
so this is a buffer we have before
so this is a buffer we have before taking it to justice but if all that
taking it to justice but if all that
taking it to justice but if all that fails then we have the police we have
fails then we have the police we have
fails then we have the police we have the courts to solve the conflicts that
the courts to solve the conflicts that
the courts to solve the conflicts that were not able to solve it before so how
were not able to solve it before so how
were not able to solve it before so how was it that we managed to solve our
was it that we managed to solve our
was it that we managed to solve our conflicts in our community in our
conflicts in our community in our
conflicts in our community in our collective well the chicken part was
collective well the chicken part was
collective well the chicken part was easy we talked I suppress my feelings my
easy we talked I suppress my feelings my
easy we talked I suppress my feelings my friend expressed his feelings and we
friend expressed his feelings and we
friend expressed his feelings and we decided to have a closed container for
decided to have a closed container for
decided to have a closed container for chickens and that was great the robbery
chickens and that was great the robbery
chickens and that was great the robbery was a bit harder we couldn’t sit with
was a bit harder we couldn’t sit with
was a bit harder we couldn’t sit with the Sultans and try to reason with them
the Sultans and try to reason with them
the Sultans and try to reason with them we went to the police but within a group
we went to the police but within a group
we went to the police but within a group we were more resilient than ever our
we were more resilient than ever our
we were more resilient than ever our bones were stronger than ever so I have
bones were stronger than ever so I have
bones were stronger than ever so I have a final wish for you here today that we
a final wish for you here today that we
a final wish for you here today that we all leave this room and consider
all leave this room and consider
all leave this room and consider conflicts as a gift as an opportunity
conflicts as a gift as an opportunity
conflicts as a gift as an opportunity wherever there are people there are
wherever there are people there are
wherever there are people there are conflicts so why not be prepared for
conflicts so why not be prepared for
conflicts so why not be prepared for them let’s include conflicts in our
them let’s include conflicts in our
them let’s include conflicts in our plans
”
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