so I’m gonna put it to you straight the moment somebody learns that I live in an
moment somebody learns that I live in an
moment somebody learns that I live in an intentional community it will be myself
intentional community it will be myself
intentional community it will be myself up to some very interesting questions
up to some very interesting questions
up to some very interesting questions question number one so how many husbands
question number one so how many husbands
question number one so how many husbands do you really have question number two
do you really have question number two
do you really have question number two who here is the leader I’ve even had
who here is the leader I’ve even had
who here is the leader I’ve even had somebody come up to me at one point and
somebody come up to me at one point and
somebody come up to me at one point and say are you able to leave just a blink
say are you able to leave just a blink
say are you able to leave just a blink if you need my help and I’ll come get
if you need my help and I’ll come get
if you need my help and I’ll come get you there’s another impression about
you there’s another impression about
you there’s another impression about somebody who lives in an intentional
somebody who lives in an intentional
somebody who lives in an intentional community and that is that we must be
community and that is that we must be
community and that is that we must be very great at creating bonfires we must
very great at creating bonfires we must
very great at creating bonfires we must all play guitar and we spend most our
all play guitar and we spend most our
all play guitar and we spend most our evenings passing the doji to the left
evenings passing the doji to the left
evenings passing the doji to the left hand side now don’t get me wrong those
hand side now don’t get me wrong those
hand side now don’t get me wrong those communities do exist in fact they’re
communities do exist in fact they’re
communities do exist in fact they’re everywhere
everywhere
everywhere however today I’m wanting to kind of
however today I’m wanting to kind of
however today I’m wanting to kind of deepen and broaden an aspect of living
deepen and broaden an aspect of living
deepen and broaden an aspect of living in an intentional community that perhaps
in an intentional community that perhaps
in an intentional community that perhaps is overseen or even worse it just kind
is overseen or even worse it just kind
is overseen or even worse it just kind of lies right underneath the skirt of
of lies right underneath the skirt of
of lies right underneath the skirt of vulnerability so let me give you a
vulnerability so let me give you a
vulnerability so let me give you a little bit of context January of 2011 10
little bit of context January of 2011 10
little bit of context January of 2011 10 people came together in a San Diego
people came together in a San Diego
people came together in a San Diego living room and asked one very simple
living room and asked one very simple
living room and asked one very simple question what if we raised our kids
question what if we raised our kids
question what if we raised our kids together and I’ll tell you of these 10
together and I’ll tell you of these 10
together and I’ll tell you of these 10 people some of us were friends and some
people some of us were friends and some
people some of us were friends and some of us didn’t even know each other but we
of us didn’t even know each other but we
of us didn’t even know each other but we had two things in common
had two things in common
had two things in common number one we are absolutely 100%
number one we are absolutely 100%
number one we are absolutely 100% committed to improving our mind our body
committed to improving our mind our body
committed to improving our mind our body our spirit and pushing ourselves to
our spirit and pushing ourselves to
our spirit and pushing ourselves to become better humans
become better humans
become better humans and number two we have no issues in
and number two we have no issues in
and number two we have no issues in calling attorneys to write up proper
calling attorneys to write up proper
calling attorneys to write up proper agreements you don’t get those together
agreements you don’t get those together
agreements you don’t get those together too often fast forward that was January
too often fast forward that was January
too often fast forward that was January fast forward by May we moved on to the
fast forward by May we moved on to the
fast forward by May we moved on to the Emerald village nine acres at the time
Emerald village nine acres at the time
Emerald village nine acres at the time ten adults seven or at that time six I
ten adults seven or at that time six I
ten adults seven or at that time six I was actually seven months pregnant so
was actually seven months pregnant so
was actually seven months pregnant so let me put it to you this way
let me put it to you this way
let me put it to you this way today nine acres ten founders seven
today nine acres ten founders seven
today nine acres ten founders seven children to teenagers a number of guests
children to teenagers a number of guests
children to teenagers a number of guests residents chickens goats rabbits Gardens
residents chickens goats rabbits Gardens
residents chickens goats rabbits Gardens food forests and when people come to
food forests and when people come to
food forests and when people come to visit our community they’re like look at
visit our community they’re like look at
visit our community they’re like look at the kids are playing and climbing on
the kids are playing and climbing on
the kids are playing and climbing on trees look daddy gopher snake look daddy
trees look daddy gopher snake look daddy
trees look daddy gopher snake look daddy I’m up in the tree with a bunch of
I’m up in the tree with a bunch of
I’m up in the tree with a bunch of poison ivy or they see our tables and
poison ivy or they see our tables and
poison ivy or they see our tables and they see our tables full of food and and
they see our tables full of food and and
they see our tables full of food and and they see us laughing and they see us
they see us laughing and they see us
they see us laughing and they see us looking on each other and having heart
looking on each other and having heart
looking on each other and having heart heart connection with each other and and
heart connection with each other and and
heart connection with each other and and there is this assumption that we get all
there is this assumption that we get all
there is this assumption that we get all the time or people are like you know
the time or people are like you know
the time or people are like you know what this is how people are supposed to
what this is how people are supposed to
what this is how people are supposed to live and I’m gonna tell you right now
live and I’m gonna tell you right now
live and I’m gonna tell you right now there is something that is not seen the
there is something that is not seen the
there is something that is not seen the reason why I can look at my brothers and
reason why I can look at my brothers and
reason why I can look at my brothers and my sisters with heartfelt love is
my sisters with heartfelt love is
my sisters with heartfelt love is because they have seen me in my absolute
because they have seen me in my absolute
because they have seen me in my absolute worst they have seen me rage they have
worst they have seen me rage they have
worst they have seen me rage they have seen me cry they have witnessed me
seen me cry they have witnessed me
seen me cry they have witnessed me fighting with my husband they have
fighting with my husband they have
fighting with my husband they have witnessed me fail and that’s something
witnessed me fail and that’s something
witnessed me fail and that’s something that we don’t really get in society to
that we don’t really get in society to
that we don’t really get in society to do I am loved because some
do I am loved because some
do I am loved because some buddy has loved me through my ugliness I
buddy has loved me through my ugliness I
buddy has loved me through my ugliness I want you to think about like Facebook
want you to think about like Facebook
want you to think about like Facebook you know how many people look how you
you know how many people look how you
you know how many people look how you know 52 characters or pictures of how
know 52 characters or pictures of how
know 52 characters or pictures of how great my life is imagine if you were to
great my life is imagine if you were to
great my life is imagine if you were to share with people on a daily basis the
share with people on a daily basis the
share with people on a daily basis the truth and that is what living in
truth and that is what living in
truth and that is what living in community is really about you are naked
community is really about you are naked
community is really about you are naked you cannot hide you get truly seen in
you cannot hide you get truly seen in
you cannot hide you get truly seen in all different ways shapes and forms that
all different ways shapes and forms that
all different ways shapes and forms that you show up and I will tell you many
you show up and I will tell you many
you show up and I will tell you many many people choose to walk away because
many people choose to walk away because
many people choose to walk away because it’s just too much
it’s just too much
it’s just too much but I’m wanting to share with you today
but I’m wanting to share with you today
but I’m wanting to share with you today I’m wanting to encourage you to stay not
I’m wanting to encourage you to stay not
I’m wanting to encourage you to stay not in an intentional community if it’s not
in an intentional community if it’s not
in an intentional community if it’s not your thing but I’m wanting you to stay
your thing but I’m wanting you to stay
your thing but I’m wanting you to stay in community and don’t think for one
in community and don’t think for one
in community and don’t think for one moment that just because you don’t live
moment that just because you don’t live
moment that just because you don’t live in an intentional community that you
in an intentional community that you
in an intentional community that you were void of community I mean look
were void of community I mean look
were void of community I mean look around this room look at your churches
around this room look at your churches
around this room look at your churches look at your places of work there is
look at your places of work there is
look at your places of work there is community there the only difference is
community there the only difference is
community there the only difference is that we may choose to unplug from that
that we may choose to unplug from that
that we may choose to unplug from that community go home check out and then
community go home check out and then
community go home check out and then check in fresh cup of coffee hi Bob
check in fresh cup of coffee hi Bob
check in fresh cup of coffee hi Bob happy-go-lucky but what if we pushed
happy-go-lucky but what if we pushed
happy-go-lucky but what if we pushed ourselves to have a more intimate
ourselves to have a more intimate
ourselves to have a more intimate relationship so one thing that we’ve had
relationship so one thing that we’ve had
relationship so one thing that we’ve had to do at the Emerald village is we’ve
to do at the Emerald village is we’ve
to do at the Emerald village is we’ve had to bring on mediation on a quarterly
had to bring on mediation on a quarterly
had to bring on mediation on a quarterly basis four times a year we invite
basis four times a year we invite
basis four times a year we invite somebody to come and uncover our
somebody to come and uncover our
somebody to come and uncover our even if we don’t know it’s there we have
even if we don’t know it’s there we have
even if we don’t know it’s there we have to take personal ownership over our
to take personal ownership over our
to take personal ownership over our relations we’ve had people come in with
relations we’ve had people come in with
relations we’ve had people come in with you know nonviolent communication we’ve
you know nonviolent communication we’ve
you know nonviolent communication we’ve had family marriage therapists
had family marriage therapists
had family marriage therapists we’ve had people come and teach us
we’ve had people come and teach us
we’ve had people come and teach us holographic models we’ve had people come
holographic models we’ve had people come
holographic models we’ve had people come in and teach us the Enneagram we’ve had
in and teach us the Enneagram we’ve had
in and teach us the Enneagram we’ve had people come in and we’re constantly
people come in and we’re constantly
people come in and we’re constantly constantly giving and giving and giving
constantly giving and giving and giving
constantly giving and giving and giving to ourselves so that we can show up as
to ourselves so that we can show up as
to ourselves so that we can show up as better people in our community and that
better people in our community and that
better people in our community and that is something that every person even if
is something that every person even if
is something that every person even if you don’t live in a community you have
you don’t live in a community you have
you don’t live in a community you have to do why because we live in a world
to do why because we live in a world
to do why because we live in a world right now where we can say things like
right now where we can say things like
right now where we can say things like friend unfriend mmm
friend unfriend mmm
friend unfriend mmm swipe I’m done follow and follow black
swipe I’m done follow and follow black
swipe I’m done follow and follow black and white it’s superficial and there’s
and white it’s superficial and there’s
and white it’s superficial and there’s somebody and I’m not somebody there’s
somebody and I’m not somebody there’s
somebody and I’m not somebody there’s something that is greatly impacted by
something that is greatly impacted by
something that is greatly impacted by that and that is our future so at the
that and that is our future so at the
that and that is our future so at the Emerald village and we’ve started to
Emerald village and we’ve started to
Emerald village and we’ve started to invite our children the age from 1 you
invite our children the age from 1 you
invite our children the age from 1 you know all the way up to 17 and we’ve
know all the way up to 17 and we’ve
know all the way up to 17 and we’ve invited our children to sit and counsel
invited our children to sit and counsel
invited our children to sit and counsel with us and I was thinking about this
with us and I was thinking about this
with us and I was thinking about this this past week the number two cause of
this past week the number two cause of
this past week the number two cause of death and teenagers is suicide and I’m
death and teenagers is suicide and I’m
death and teenagers is suicide and I’m thinking how alone they must feel how
thinking how alone they must feel how
thinking how alone they must feel how unseen they may be and I’m wanting to
unseen they may be and I’m wanting to
unseen they may be and I’m wanting to encourage us to pull up more tools of
encourage us to pull up more tools of
encourage us to pull up more tools of communication so that when we see a
communication so that when we see a
communication so that when we see a teenager or a child that is sitting
teenager or a child that is sitting
teenager or a child that is sitting alone that our antennas come up and we
alone that our antennas come up and we
alone that our antennas come up and we can approach them and not try to fix
can approach them and not try to fix
can approach them and not try to fix them that’s the last thing teenagers 1
them that’s the last thing teenagers 1
them that’s the last thing teenagers 1 don’t try to fix them we have to push
don’t try to fix them we have to push
don’t try to fix them we have to push ourselves even further we have to be
ourselves even further we have to be
ourselves even further we have to be able to truly hear we have to hear from
able to truly hear we have to hear from
able to truly hear we have to hear from our heart space not just what they say
our heart space not just what they say
our heart space not just what they say but really have empathy for what it is
but really have empathy for what it is
but really have empathy for what it is that they’re going through and I think
that they’re going through and I think
that they’re going through and I think of the teenagers at our community and I
of the teenagers at our community and I
of the teenagers at our community and I remember seeing them when they’re you
remember seeing them when they’re you
remember seeing them when they’re you know just coming into teenagehood and as
know just coming into teenagehood and as
know just coming into teenagehood and as they’re growing into young adults and
they’re growing into young adults and
they’re growing into young adults and something really beautiful
something really beautiful
something really beautiful is happening because they can come
is happening because they can come
is happening because they can come walking into my house because they know
walking into my house because they know
walking into my house because they know they that they can talk to me and they
they that they can talk to me and they
they that they can talk to me and they be like hey mama B put everything down
be like hey mama B put everything down
be like hey mama B put everything down what’s going on buddy well you know I
what’s going on buddy well you know I
what’s going on buddy well you know I did this and I did that yeah what was
did this and I did that yeah what was
did this and I did that yeah what was your favorite part
your favorite part
your favorite part what were you challenged by I don’t ask
what were you challenged by I don’t ask
what were you challenged by I don’t ask them anymore how was your day what did
them anymore how was your day what did
them anymore how was your day what did you like I asked them more internalizing
you like I asked them more internalizing
you like I asked them more internalizing questions so they can grow and become
questions so they can grow and become
questions so they can grow and become stronger people so that they learn to
stronger people so that they learn to
stronger people so that they learn to understand themselves even more what
understand themselves even more what
understand themselves even more what their values are and what their passions
their values are and what their passions
their values are and what their passions are and so that I can bear witness to
are and so that I can bear witness to
are and so that I can bear witness to them and I’ve been so fortunate for that
them and I’ve been so fortunate for that
them and I’ve been so fortunate for that to also have been given to me living in
to also have been given to me living in
to also have been given to me living in community living in an intentional
community living in an intentional
community living in an intentional community creates space for fear creates
community creates space for fear creates
community creates space for fear creates space for anger create space for
space for anger create space for
space for anger create space for vulnerability for myself my parents my
vulnerability for myself my parents my
vulnerability for myself my parents my father lost his father one day six days
father lost his father one day six days
father lost his father one day six days later my mother lost her mother and I
later my mother lost her mother and I
later my mother lost her mother and I took off to their house and I held space
took off to their house and I held space
took off to their house and I held space for my parents for days talking with
for my parents for days talking with
for my parents for days talking with them telling stories being there for
them telling stories being there for
them telling stories being there for them making sure they had food making
them making sure they had food making
them making sure they had food making sure my mom was okay well grandmother
sure my mom was okay well grandmother
sure my mom was okay well grandmother was her heart her heart and when I
was her heart her heart and when I
was her heart her heart and when I finally came home after being away for
finally came home after being away for
finally came home after being away for days I got a knock on the door and it
days I got a knock on the door and it
days I got a knock on the door and it was one of my community mates Lauren she
was one of my community mates Lauren she
was one of my community mates Lauren she says hey the women are gonna come
says hey the women are gonna come
says hey the women are gonna come together tonight we’re gonna go out to
together tonight we’re gonna go out to
together tonight we’re gonna go out to the nest she come Oh Lauren I’m so tired
the nest she come Oh Lauren I’m so tired
the nest she come Oh Lauren I’m so tired right now I’m just exhausted she’s like
right now I’m just exhausted she’s like
right now I’m just exhausted she’s like no you should come and so I’m like okay
no you should come and so I’m like okay
no you should come and so I’m like okay and then one of those community
and then one of those community
and then one of those community commitments you know
we have a lot of meetings so anyway I
we have a lot of meetings so anyway I walk out to the nest ness is this big
walk out to the nest ness is this big
walk out to the nest ness is this big you know beautiful wooden nest and we
you know beautiful wooden nest and we
you know beautiful wooden nest and we have a what is transformed into a vagina
have a what is transformed into a vagina
have a what is transformed into a vagina if I group it right in the middle it’s
if I group it right in the middle it’s
if I group it right in the middle it’s the perfect place for women to gather
the perfect place for women to gather
the perfect place for women to gather and as I came up all the women at Evo
and as I came up all the women at Evo
and as I came up all the women at Evo all the women were there they’re already
all the women were there they’re already
all the women were there they’re already there a fire is going on I was like
there a fire is going on I was like
there a fire is going on I was like frickin time wrong I hate being late and
frickin time wrong I hate being late and
frickin time wrong I hate being late and I walk in and they’re all looking at me
and so they said Bianca well after
and so they said Bianca well after smudging me a hundred enter into the
smudging me a hundred enter into the
smudging me a hundred enter into the enter into the nest and they said to me
enter into the nest and they said to me
enter into the nest and they said to me Bianca how are you ah girls I’m so tired
Bianca how are you ah girls I’m so tired
Bianca how are you ah girls I’m so tired I’m fine I’m just been there for my
I’m fine I’m just been there for my
I’m fine I’m just been there for my parents and you know things are this
parents and you know things are this
parents and you know things are this things are that and they’re just staring
things are that and they’re just staring
things are that and they’re just staring at me and they’re like I’m sorry how are
at me and they’re like I’m sorry how are
at me and they’re like I’m sorry how are you and it just I just came I’ve never
you and it just I just came I’ve never
you and it just I just came I’ve never been granted permission to experience
been granted permission to experience
been granted permission to experience suffering my own suffering it was one of
suffering my own suffering it was one of
suffering my own suffering it was one of the most profound experiences of living
the most profound experiences of living
the most profound experiences of living in community and it’s scary oh god you
in community and it’s scary oh god you
in community and it’s scary oh god you guys he’s so scary he’s so scary cuz
guys he’s so scary he’s so scary cuz
guys he’s so scary he’s so scary cuz sometimes you feel like you’re in a
sometimes you feel like you’re in a
sometimes you feel like you’re in a consistent intervention program I kid
consistent intervention program I kid
consistent intervention program I kid you not and so I wanted to to walk away
you not and so I wanted to to walk away
you not and so I wanted to to walk away with these like tangibles I want us to
with these like tangibles I want us to
with these like tangibles I want us to walk away and I want you to make a
walk away and I want you to make a
walk away and I want you to make a commitment to learning different
commitment to learning different
commitment to learning different techniques
techniques
techniques of real communication the way we
of real communication the way we
of real communication the way we communicate with our friends with our
communicate with our friends with our
communicate with our friends with our relatives and very much so with our
relatives and very much so with our
relatives and very much so with our children is the way that we leave a
children is the way that we leave a
children is the way that we leave a legacy of love is the way that we leave
legacy of love is the way that we leave
legacy of love is the way that we leave a legacy of a self respect and self joy
a legacy of a self respect and self joy
a legacy of a self respect and self joy we let them know that they are seen and
we let them know that they are seen and
we let them know that they are seen and most importantly that they are really
most importantly that they are really
most importantly that they are really really heard we have to do that as a
really heard we have to do that as a
really heard we have to do that as a community donor the Ojai foundation go
community donor the Ojai foundation go
community donor the Ojai foundation go to your seminars go to you know Tony
to your seminars go to you know Tony
to your seminars go to you know Tony Robbins go to wherever it is wherever it
Robbins go to wherever it is wherever it
Robbins go to wherever it is wherever it is because the better that we have
is because the better that we have
is because the better that we have community the better communities we have
community the better communities we have
community the better communities we have a reflection of how much better our
a reflection of how much better our
a reflection of how much better our communication is now living in can be
communication is now living in can be
communication is now living in can be living in an intentional community it’s
living in an intentional community it’s
living in an intentional community it’s very challenging it’s a human dynamic
very challenging it’s a human dynamic
very challenging it’s a human dynamic it’s not all you know community dinners
it’s not all you know community dinners
it’s not all you know community dinners and you know throwing frisbees and you
and you know throwing frisbees and you
and you know throwing frisbees and you know kumbaya you know it’s real it’s
know kumbaya you know it’s real it’s
know kumbaya you know it’s real it’s really real I really hope that one day
really real I really hope that one day
really real I really hope that one day all of us will be able to say I know
all of us will be able to say I know
all of us will be able to say I know that I am loved by so-and-so
that I am loved by so-and-so
that I am loved by so-and-so because they have seen me at my absolute
because they have seen me at my absolute
because they have seen me at my absolute worst more often than once more often
worst more often than once more often
worst more often than once more often than twice and they still love me
than twice and they still love me
than twice and they still love me I am truly seen
”
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