what’s the you see when you see this paintbrush most people will be reminded
paintbrush most people will be reminded
paintbrush most people will be reminded of their childhoods of arts and crafts
of their childhoods of arts and crafts
of their childhoods of arts and crafts and arts lessons in school flinging
and arts lessons in school flinging
and arts lessons in school flinging paint around the room getting it
paint around the room getting it
paint around the room getting it absolutely everywhere except for that
absolutely everywhere except for that
absolutely everywhere except for that carefully placed piece of newspaper
carefully placed piece of newspaper
carefully placed piece of newspaper other people may be reminded of
other people may be reminded of
other people may be reminded of decorating of moving into a new home or
decorating of moving into a new home or
decorating of moving into a new home or painting one they’ve lived in most of
painting one they’ve lived in most of
painting one they’ve lived in most of their lives with their parents or their
their lives with their parents or their
their lives with their parents or their kids or their partner but for me when I
kids or their partner but for me when I
kids or their partner but for me when I see this paintbrush I see the thing that
see this paintbrush I see the thing that
see this paintbrush I see the thing that saved my life
saved my life
saved my life on January the 14th
on January the 14th
on January the 14th I painted a copy of Vincent van Gogh
I painted a copy of Vincent van Gogh
I painted a copy of Vincent van Gogh SCAF a terrace at night on my leg and
SCAF a terrace at night on my leg and
SCAF a terrace at night on my leg and after posting it on social media it
after posting it on social media it
after posting it on social media it quickly went viral it was a fairly
quickly went viral it was a fairly
quickly went viral it was a fairly normal day except it wasn’t completely
normal day except it wasn’t completely
normal day except it wasn’t completely it was a bad Saturday bad days are how I
it was a bad Saturday bad days are how I
it was a bad Saturday bad days are how I refer to days where my mental health
refer to days where my mental health
refer to days where my mental health makes me feel bad because I am one of
makes me feel bad because I am one of
makes me feel bad because I am one of the 300 million people who struggle with
the 300 million people who struggle with
the 300 million people who struggle with depression I woke up that day I showered
depression I woke up that day I showered
depression I woke up that day I showered I got dressed I had something to eat I
I got dressed I had something to eat I
I got dressed I had something to eat I messaged a few friends but none of this
messaged a few friends but none of this
messaged a few friends but none of this made me feel any better days like this
made me feel any better days like this
made me feel any better days like this seems so long as if I can feel every
seems so long as if I can feel every
seems so long as if I can feel every minute passing painfully slowly but have
minute passing painfully slowly but have
minute passing painfully slowly but have nothing to fill those minutes with and
nothing to fill those minutes with and
nothing to fill those minutes with and it’s days like this that make it so hard
it’s days like this that make it so hard
it’s days like this that make it so hard not to fall back into the destructive
not to fall back into the destructive
not to fall back into the destructive coping strategies but I used to you
coping strategies but I used to you
coping strategies but I used to you but I didn’t instead I got out my paint
but I didn’t instead I got out my paint
but I didn’t instead I got out my paint and my brushes and I decided to recreate
and my brushes and I decided to recreate
and my brushes and I decided to recreate a painting by one of my favorite artists
a painting by one of my favorite artists
a painting by one of my favorite artists on my fly it took me a few hours during
on my fly it took me a few hours during
on my fly it took me a few hours during most of which I was cursing out the
most of which I was cursing out the
most of which I was cursing out the paint’s convinced I was going to give up
paint’s convinced I was going to give up
paint’s convinced I was going to give up any minute now but I finished there I
any minute now but I finished there I
any minute now but I finished there I took a photo of it and I posted it on
took a photo of it and I posted it on
took a photo of it and I posted it on social media in the hopes of showing at
social media in the hopes of showing at
social media in the hopes of showing at least one person it is possible to find
least one person it is possible to find
least one person it is possible to find healthy ways of coping with your mental
healthy ways of coping with your mental
healthy ways of coping with your mental health finishing the painting didn’t
health finishing the painting didn’t
health finishing the painting didn’t exactly make me feel better but that
exactly make me feel better but that
exactly make me feel better but that wasn’t the point because it was never
wasn’t the point because it was never
wasn’t the point because it was never going to cure my depression instead I
going to cure my depression instead I
going to cure my depression instead I could feel proud that I’d achieved
could feel proud that I’d achieved
could feel proud that I’d achieved something positive that had resonated
something positive that had resonated
something positive that had resonated with so many people online I had people
with so many people online I had people
with so many people online I had people tell me that I’m inspiring and that I
tell me that I’m inspiring and that I
tell me that I’m inspiring and that I helped them and that they thought I was
helped them and that they thought I was
helped them and that they thought I was brave for sharing it but sharing the
brave for sharing it but sharing the
brave for sharing it but sharing the painting and the fact that I had a bad
painting and the fact that I had a bad
painting and the fact that I had a bad day had nothing to do with bravery
day had nothing to do with bravery
day had nothing to do with bravery because it shouldn’t be considered brave
because it shouldn’t be considered brave
because it shouldn’t be considered brave to talk about mental health it should be
to talk about mental health it should be
to talk about mental health it should be considered normal we have to normalize
considered normal we have to normalize
considered normal we have to normalize talking to each other about how we’re
talking to each other about how we’re
talking to each other about how we’re feeling and that is what I was and am
feeling and that is what I was and am
feeling and that is what I was and am today trying to do Vincent van Gogh is
today trying to do Vincent van Gogh is
today trying to do Vincent van Gogh is one of my favorite painters I love the
one of my favorite painters I love the
one of my favorite painters I love the way he uses bright colour to contrast
way he uses bright colour to contrast
way he uses bright colour to contrast the often tranquil settings of his
the often tranquil settings of his
the often tranquil settings of his paintings and the starry night is the
paintings and the starry night is the
paintings and the starry night is the first painting I ever tried to do a copy
first painting I ever tried to do a copy
first painting I ever tried to do a copy of I love the way the Blues of the sky
of I love the way the Blues of the sky
of I love the way the Blues of the sky contrasts the yellows and the whites of
contrasts the yellows and the whites of
contrasts the yellows and the whites of the stars which make the stars look like
the stars which make the stars look like
the stars which make the stars look like they’re moving across the page I think
they’re moving across the page I think
they’re moving across the page I think it’s wonderful but van Gogh was also
it’s wonderful but van Gogh was also
it’s wonderful but van Gogh was also mentally err
mentally err
mentally err and he used art as a way of coping with
and he used art as a way of coping with
and he used art as a way of coping with his mental health just as I do with mine
his mental health just as I do with mine
his mental health just as I do with mine recently a post has been circling the
recently a post has been circling the
recently a post has been circling the internet claiming that Van Gogh used to
internet claiming that Van Gogh used to
internet claiming that Van Gogh used to eat yellow paint because he thought it
eat yellow paint because he thought it
eat yellow paint because he thought it would make him happy Van Gogh ate paints
would make him happy Van Gogh ate paints
would make him happy Van Gogh ate paints because he was trying to poison himself
because he was trying to poison himself
because he was trying to poison himself that is the reality of mental health but
that is the reality of mental health but
that is the reality of mental health but people are too afraid to talk about
people are too afraid to talk about
people are too afraid to talk about romanticizing dangerous actions instead
romanticizing dangerous actions instead
romanticizing dangerous actions instead of tackling them head-on be
of tackling them head-on be
of tackling them head-on be romanticizing of mental illnesses can be
romanticizing of mental illnesses can be
romanticizing of mental illnesses can be seen time and time again across the
seen time and time again across the
seen time and time again across the Internet
Internet
Internet some of you might remember the awful cut
some of you might remember the awful cut
some of you might remember the awful cut for Bieber hashtag that happened in 2013
for Bieber hashtag that happened in 2013
for Bieber hashtag that happened in 2013 spreading horrible images of self-harm
spreading horrible images of self-harm
spreading horrible images of self-harm trivializing both the action and for
trivializing both the action and for
trivializing both the action and for people who struggled with it and things
people who struggled with it and things
people who struggled with it and things like that do nothing but further the
like that do nothing but further the
like that do nothing but further the stigma surrounding mental health
stigma surrounding mental health
stigma surrounding mental health creating a dangerous illusion that
creating a dangerous illusion that
creating a dangerous illusion that suggests it’s desirable to be mentally
suggests it’s desirable to be mentally
suggests it’s desirable to be mentally ill and we have to talk about it in an
ill and we have to talk about it in an
ill and we have to talk about it in an open and healthy way instead look around
open and healthy way instead look around
open and healthy way instead look around the room at how many people there are
the room at how many people there are
the room at how many people there are today now imagine this number of people
today now imagine this number of people
today now imagine this number of people multiplies by about a thousand that
multiplies by about a thousand that
multiplies by about a thousand that would be about 800,000 people this is
would be about 800,000 people this is
would be about 800,000 people this is the number of people who commit suicide
the number of people who commit suicide
the number of people who commit suicide every year the number of people who felt
every year the number of people who felt
every year the number of people who felt utterly hopeless to the point that they
utterly hopeless to the point that they
utterly hopeless to the point that they thought taking their own life was the
thought taking their own life was the
thought taking their own life was the only option left available to them there
only option left available to them there
only option left available to them there aren’t the words to describe how
aren’t the words to describe how
aren’t the words to describe how shocking this is because suicide is
shocking this is because suicide is
shocking this is because suicide is preventable mental illnesses are common
preventable mental illnesses are common
preventable mental illnesses are common but because there is so much stigma
but because there is so much stigma
but because there is so much stigma surrounding them
surrounding them
surrounding them people are too afraid to reach out for
people are too afraid to reach out for
people are too afraid to reach out for help that’s a fear of being branded
help that’s a fear of being branded
help that’s a fear of being branded crazy or lying or weak and the only way
crazy or lying or weak and the only way
crazy or lying or weak and the only way to challenge this stigma is by talking
to challenge this stigma is by talking
to challenge this stigma is by talking talking to friends or family or
talking to friends or family or
talking to friends or family or spreading awareness like this or even
spreading awareness like this or even
spreading awareness like this or even talking to a doctor and acknowledging
talking to a doctor and acknowledging
talking to a doctor and acknowledging that these are serious illnesses that
that these are serious illnesses that
that these are serious illnesses that need treatment I was 13 when I developed
need treatment I was 13 when I developed
need treatment I was 13 when I developed anxiety and depression but I didn’t talk
anxiety and depression but I didn’t talk
anxiety and depression but I didn’t talk to anyone
to anyone
to anyone in fact I refused to say anything
in fact I refused to say anything
in fact I refused to say anything internalizing everything I was feeling
internalizing everything I was feeling
internalizing everything I was feeling and pushing people away to the point
and pushing people away to the point
and pushing people away to the point that it became difficult for my friends
that it became difficult for my friends
that it became difficult for my friends to remain my friends even now I struggle
to remain my friends even now I struggle
to remain my friends even now I struggle to maintain friendships feeling this way
to maintain friendships feeling this way
to maintain friendships feeling this way made me angry but instead of accepting
made me angry but instead of accepting
made me angry but instead of accepting the help that people tried to offer me I
the help that people tried to offer me I
the help that people tried to offer me I fought against it completely because
fought against it completely because
fought against it completely because mental illnesses make you feel like
mental illnesses make you feel like
mental illnesses make you feel like you’re alone they walk the way you
you’re alone they walk the way you
you’re alone they walk the way you perceive relationships with people close
perceive relationships with people close
perceive relationships with people close to you and it can become so addicting to
to you and it can become so addicting to
to you and it can become so addicting to feel this way this happened to me I got
feel this way this happened to me I got
feel this way this happened to me I got progressively worse until it reached the
progressively worse until it reached the
progressively worse until it reached the point that it was so clear I wasn’t
point that it was so clear I wasn’t
point that it was so clear I wasn’t going to get better on my own anymore
going to get better on my own anymore
going to get better on my own anymore and that I needed professional help it
and that I needed professional help it
and that I needed professional help it was around the time I became ill but I
was around the time I became ill but I
was around the time I became ill but I realized how much I loved art I’ve
realized how much I loved art I’ve
realized how much I loved art I’ve always enjoyed drawing I was very
always enjoyed drawing I was very
always enjoyed drawing I was very creative as a kid but it wasn’t really
creative as a kid but it wasn’t really
creative as a kid but it wasn’t really until I took arts as a GCSE subject but
until I took arts as a GCSE subject but
until I took arts as a GCSE subject but I fell in love with painting and with
I fell in love with painting and with
I fell in love with painting and with color and as I moved from my GCSEs to my
color and as I moved from my GCSEs to my
color and as I moved from my GCSEs to my a levels I developed my own distinct
a levels I developed my own distinct
a levels I developed my own distinct style of painting
style of painting
style of painting and I began to paint in my spare time
and I began to paint in my spare time
and I began to paint in my spare time painting things or places that meant a
painting things or places that meant a
painting things or places that meant a lot to me and I also began to paint on
lot to me and I also began to paint on
lot to me and I also began to paint on my skin I realized just how much I love
my skin I realized just how much I love
my skin I realized just how much I love using my body as a canvas and how much
using my body as a canvas and how much
using my body as a canvas and how much doing this helps my mental health
doing this helps my mental health
doing this helps my mental health painting keeps me busy when I’m feeling
painting keeps me busy when I’m feeling
painting keeps me busy when I’m feeling bad and I can create something beautiful
bad and I can create something beautiful
bad and I can create something beautiful on my skin instead of self-harming
on my skin instead of self-harming
on my skin instead of self-harming mixing the colors together and using
mixing the colors together and using
mixing the colors together and using them to create works of art makes me
them to create works of art makes me
them to create works of art makes me feel proud which makes the negative
feel proud which makes the negative
feel proud which makes the negative thoughts and feelings so much easier to
thoughts and feelings so much easier to
thoughts and feelings so much easier to deal with
deal with
deal with in fact my work doesn’t feel like my
in fact my work doesn’t feel like my
in fact my work doesn’t feel like my work if it’s not colourful as if I’m
work if it’s not colourful as if I’m
work if it’s not colourful as if I’m metaphorically using the paints to
metaphorically using the paints to
metaphorically using the paints to brighten my mood which sounds silly I
brighten my mood which sounds silly I
brighten my mood which sounds silly I know but on some level it seems to work
know but on some level it seems to work
know but on some level it seems to work now I’m not saying that everyone who
now I’m not saying that everyone who
now I’m not saying that everyone who struggles with their mental health
struggles with their mental health
struggles with their mental health should start painting because that would
should start painting because that would
should start painting because that would be very naive of me
be very naive of me
be very naive of me but everyone has destructive coping
but everyone has destructive coping
but everyone has destructive coping strategies that they turn to on their
strategies that they turn to on their
strategies that they turn to on their bad days whether they struggle or from
bad days whether they struggle or from
bad days whether they struggle or from mental illnesses or not so it’s
mental illnesses or not so it’s
mental illnesses or not so it’s incredibly important to replace these
incredibly important to replace these
incredibly important to replace these ways of coping with something positive
ways of coping with something positive
ways of coping with something positive something we can be proud of and
something we can be proud of and
something we can be proud of and something that may even better as as
something that may even better as as
something that may even better as as human beings some people like me are
human beings some people like me are
human beings some people like me are artists but some people are musicians or
artists but some people are musicians or
artists but some people are musicians or writers or readers or runners or
writers or readers or runners or
writers or readers or runners or travelers it doesn’t matter what what
travelers it doesn’t matter what what
travelers it doesn’t matter what what matters is that it helps and I’m so
matters is that it helps and I’m so
matters is that it helps and I’m so relieved I found the thing that helps me
relieved I found the thing that helps me
relieved I found the thing that helps me so this paintbrush
so this paintbrush
so this paintbrush to many of you it may just be a mundane
to many of you it may just be a mundane
to many of you it may just be a mundane object or a gentle reminder of your
object or a gentle reminder of your
object or a gentle reminder of your childhoods but to me it’s the thing
childhoods but to me it’s the thing
childhoods but to me it’s the thing that’s got me through the bad days so
that’s got me through the bad days so
that’s got me through the bad days so many times and it’s a symbol it’s a
many times and it’s a symbol it’s a
many times and it’s a symbol it’s a symbol of how far I’ve come in being
symbol of how far I’ve come in being
symbol of how far I’ve come in being able to help myself and of my strength
able to help myself and of my strength
able to help myself and of my strength because I am mentally ill but being
because I am mentally ill but being
because I am mentally ill but being mentally ill is not synonymous to being
mentally ill is not synonymous to being
mentally ill is not synonymous to being weak thank you
”
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