I remember the very first day that I stepped onto a college campus as a
stepped onto a college campus as a
stepped onto a college campus as a student and I got to be honest with you
student and I got to be honest with you
student and I got to be honest with you I was only really there for three main
I was only really there for three main
I was only really there for three main reasons I was there to get financial aid
reasons I was there to get financial aid
reasons I was there to get financial aid I was there to stay out of trouble I
I was there to stay out of trouble I
I was there to stay out of trouble I will have I’m being honest I was there
will have I’m being honest I was there
will have I’m being honest I was there to meet girls I also can recall the
to meet girls I also can recall the
to meet girls I also can recall the overwhelming sense of nervousness that I
overwhelming sense of nervousness that I
overwhelming sense of nervousness that I experienced the sweaty palms the knot in
experienced the sweaty palms the knot in
experienced the sweaty palms the knot in my throat the rumble in my stomach kind
my throat the rumble in my stomach kind
my throat the rumble in my stomach kind of like the one I’m experiencing now
of like the one I’m experiencing now
of like the one I’m experiencing now actually I also can remember feeling
actually I also can remember feeling
actually I also can remember feeling like an imposter feeling like I was
like an imposter feeling like I was
like an imposter feeling like I was inadequate like I didn’t belong there
inadequate like I didn’t belong there
inadequate like I didn’t belong there like people like me don’t go to college
like people like me don’t go to college
like people like me don’t go to college so I wore a cloak of shame regularly
so I wore a cloak of shame regularly
so I wore a cloak of shame regularly because of it this was my experience as
because of it this was my experience as
because of it this was my experience as a formerly incarcerated person trying to
a formerly incarcerated person trying to
a formerly incarcerated person trying to pursue something different something new
pursue something different something new
pursue something different something new something that wasn’t normal and what is
something that wasn’t normal and what is
something that wasn’t normal and what is normal anyway
normal anyway
normal anyway normally we define normal normal would
normally we define normal normal would
normally we define normal normal would be to conform to something that’s
be to conform to something that’s
be to conform to something that’s standard or expected or typical but how
standard or expected or typical but how
standard or expected or typical but how did I get here how did I get to a place
did I get here how did I get to a place
did I get here how did I get to a place where it was much more normal for me to
where it was much more normal for me to
where it was much more normal for me to have been incarcerated or been addicted
have been incarcerated or been addicted
have been incarcerated or been addicted to drugs or homeless or even shot at but
to drugs or homeless or even shot at but
to drugs or homeless or even shot at but yet it’s not normal for me to go to
yet it’s not normal for me to go to
yet it’s not normal for me to go to school to go to college you see the
school to go to college you see the
school to go to college you see the thing is that although the definition of
thing is that although the definition of
thing is that although the definition of normal would be as such and our
normal would be as such and our
normal would be as such and our normality would then be based on our
normality would then be based on our
normality would then be based on our definition of normal the thing of it is
definition of normal the thing of it is
definition of normal the thing of it is is that we each have lived very unique
is that we each have lived very unique
is that we each have lived very unique lives very different life experiences
lives very different life experiences
lives very different life experiences and have been in very different
and have been in very different
and have been in very different environments which have shaped our
environments which have shaped our
environments which have shaped our definition our definition of normality
definition our definition of normality
definition our definition of normality and so it’s interesting because if we
and so it’s interesting because if we
and so it’s interesting because if we look at our society if we look at our
look at our society if we look at our
look at our society if we look at our government and we look at the very
government and we look at the very
government and we look at the very foundation on which this country is
foundation on which this country is
foundation on which this country is based this is basically evolving
based this is basically evolving
based this is basically evolving definitions or singular definitions of
definitions or singular definitions of
definitions or singular definitions of what normal is or should be and so in a
what normal is or should be and so in a
what normal is or should be and so in a country where there’s over two million
country where there’s over two million
country where there’s over two million people that are currently incarcerated
people that are currently incarcerated
people that are currently incarcerated and one in three children predominantly
and one in three children predominantly
and one in three children predominantly of colored have a single parent that’s
of colored have a single parent that’s
of colored have a single parent that’s been incarcerated it really is no
been incarcerated it really is no
been incarcerated it really is no surprise that we have created a culture
surprise that we have created a culture
surprise that we have created a culture of normal of going to incarceration for
of normal of going to incarceration for
of normal of going to incarceration for some of our youth now let me tell you a
some of our youth now let me tell you a
some of our youth now let me tell you a little bit about my background about my
little bit about my background about my
little bit about my background about my my pathway my journey and the different
my pathway my journey and the different
my pathway my journey and the different events growing up that have shaped my
events growing up that have shaped my
events growing up that have shaped my normality and I grew up in a normal
normality and I grew up in a normal
normality and I grew up in a normal community you know one with gangs drugs
community you know one with gangs drugs
community you know one with gangs drugs and violence at least that was normal to
and violence at least that was normal to
and violence at least that was normal to me let me tell you about my home my home
me let me tell you about my home my home
me let me tell you about my home my home was a single-parent household where my
was a single-parent household where my
was a single-parent household where my mother had managed to escape the very
mother had managed to escape the very
mother had managed to escape the very volatile relationship with an abusive
volatile relationship with an abusive
volatile relationship with an abusive alcoholic who was my father and a result
alcoholic who was my father and a result
alcoholic who was my father and a result of such she had acquired a job in this
of such she had acquired a job in this
of such she had acquired a job in this community at the shipyard right down a
community at the shipyard right down a
community at the shipyard right down a few blocks down from the from the house
few blocks down from the from the house
few blocks down from the from the house it became normal for her to often have
it became normal for her to often have
it became normal for her to often have to work 12-hour shifts in order to
to work 12-hour shifts in order to
to work 12-hour shifts in order to provide for us which would then would
provide for us which would then would
provide for us which would then would normalize the fact that I would have to
normalize the fact that I would have to
normalize the fact that I would have to walk myself to school to him from at 7
walk myself to school to him from at 7
walk myself to school to him from at 7 years of age I’d like to share with you
years of age I’d like to share with you
years of age I’d like to share with you a specific moment at 7 years of age that
a specific moment at 7 years of age that
a specific moment at 7 years of age that I experienced that there really did
I experienced that there really did
I experienced that there really did leave an impression on me and on this
leave an impression on me and on this
leave an impression on me and on this momentous day where I had walked myself
momentous day where I had walked myself
momentous day where I had walked myself to school I was elated
to school I was elated
to school I was elated I was excited it was an exciting
I was excited it was an exciting
I was excited it was an exciting beautiful day it was gonna be a moment
beautiful day it was gonna be a moment
beautiful day it was gonna be a moment to stay this day because this day I
to stay this day because this day I
to stay this day because this day I would go to school and I would be
would go to school and I would be
would go to school and I would be getting recognized for academic
getting recognized for academic
getting recognized for academic accomplishments at school and so I as I
accomplishments at school and so I as I
accomplishments at school and so I as I arrive to the assembly and I look around
arrive to the assembly and I look around
arrive to the assembly and I look around and I and I and I span the you know the
and I and I and I span the you know the
and I and I and I span the you know the guests that were there and I I see
guests that were there and I I see
guests that were there and I I see everybody else’s parents but mine I
everybody else’s parents but mine I
everybody else’s parents but mine I still held on to the thought that maybe
still held on to the thought that maybe
still held on to the thought that maybe she’ll show up
she’ll show up
she’ll show up just maybe she’ll show up and as I got
just maybe she’ll show up and as I got
just maybe she’ll show up and as I got called upon the stage and as I received
called upon the stage and as I received
called upon the stage and as I received the certificate and I realized that my
the certificate and I realized that my
the certificate and I realized that my mom wasn’t able to make it and the
mom wasn’t able to make it and the
mom wasn’t able to make it and the devastation that came right after that
devastation that came right after that
devastation that came right after that day did become momentous but not for the
day did become momentous but not for the
day did become momentous but not for the reasons I would have thought no that day
reasons I would have thought no that day
reasons I would have thought no that day became momentous because that day
became momentous because that day
became momentous because that day normalized for me that I wasn’t
normalized for me that I wasn’t
normalized for me that I wasn’t important enough that academics didn’t
important enough that academics didn’t
important enough that academics didn’t matter why should I care about academics
matter why should I care about academics
matter why should I care about academics because nobody else cares and that day
because nobody else cares and that day
because nobody else cares and that day normalized my low or no expectations for
normalized my low or no expectations for
normalized my low or no expectations for myself so not surprisingly as I
myself so not surprisingly as I
myself so not surprisingly as I continued to grow as a young man and in
continued to grow as a young man and in
continued to grow as a young man and in my adolescent years if learning how to
my adolescent years if learning how to
my adolescent years if learning how to be a young man wasn’t hard enough with
be a young man wasn’t hard enough with
be a young man wasn’t hard enough with no good role models here I was at 15 now
no good role models here I was at 15 now
no good role models here I was at 15 now being homeless now having to deal with a
being homeless now having to deal with a
being homeless now having to deal with a whole set of new issues like where am I
whole set of new issues like where am I
whole set of new issues like where am I going to be safe tonight where am I
going to be safe tonight where am I
going to be safe tonight where am I going to sleep what am I going to eat
going to sleep what am I going to eat
going to sleep what am I going to eat so then it became normalized for me to
so then it became normalized for me to
so then it became normalized for me to have to take on certain behavior certain
have to take on certain behavior certain
have to take on certain behavior certain characteristics to be manipulative to be
characteristics to be manipulative to be
characteristics to be manipulative to be aggressive to be conniving to be able to
aggressive to be conniving to be able to
aggressive to be conniving to be able to survive
survive
survive and so then came on this new set of
and so then came on this new set of
and so then came on this new set of normalities the fact that I would be
normalities the fact that I would be
normalities the fact that I would be desensitized to repercussions such as
desensitized to repercussions such as
desensitized to repercussions such as incarceration that I would disregard
incarceration that I would disregard
incarceration that I would disregard figures of authority that I would use
figures of authority that I would use
figures of authority that I would use drugs and alcohol to mask any emotional
drugs and alcohol to mask any emotional
drugs and alcohol to mask any emotional voice that I had dealt with growing up
voice that I had dealt with growing up
voice that I had dealt with growing up and so not surprisingly as an
and so not surprisingly as an
and so not surprisingly as an dull serving time we’re doing time
dull serving time we’re doing time
dull serving time we’re doing time became a lot more easier for me
sharing spaces with grown men restrooms
sharing spaces with grown men restrooms showers having a hyper-vigilant sense of
showers having a hyper-vigilant sense of
showers having a hyper-vigilant sense of my surroundings these things would be
my surroundings these things would be
my surroundings these things would be normalized as well
normalized as well
normalized as well living the life on the installment plan
living the life on the installment plan
living the life on the installment plan as we call it because we would think
as we call it because we would think
as we call it because we would think that we could leave for years and come
that we could leave for years and come
that we could leave for years and come back with our children and loved ones
back with our children and loved ones
back with our children and loved ones and think we can just pick up right
and think we can just pick up right
and think we can just pick up right where we left off and boy was I mistaken
where we left off and boy was I mistaken
where we left off and boy was I mistaken because I was doing to my children
because I was doing to my children
because I was doing to my children exactly what was done to me
exactly what was done to me
exactly what was done to me leaving them fatherless leaving them
leaving them fatherless leaving them
leaving them fatherless leaving them without guidance leaving them without
without guidance leaving them without
without guidance leaving them without hope and so here I am being released my
hope and so here I am being released my
hope and so here I am being released my last time and upon release all these new
last time and upon release all these new
last time and upon release all these new things started to happen all these new
things started to happen all these new
things started to happen all these new expectations all these things that were
expectations all these things that were
expectations all these things that were normalized for me throughout my life I
normalized for me throughout my life I
normalized for me throughout my life I now have to challenge if I was expected
now have to challenge if I was expected
now have to challenge if I was expected to have different results and so as I
to have different results and so as I
to have different results and so as I talk about the reintegration process and
talk about the reintegration process and
talk about the reintegration process and the expectation and as I describe my
the expectation and as I describe my
the expectation and as I describe my academic journey that I mentioned
academic journey that I mentioned
academic journey that I mentioned earlier on and it was riddled with
earlier on and it was riddled with
earlier on and it was riddled with challenges and barriers that would come
challenges and barriers that would come
challenges and barriers that would come up and I could boldly and gladly tell
up and I could boldly and gladly tell
up and I could boldly and gladly tell you that nine years later nine years
you that nine years later nine years
you that nine years later nine years after challenging myself to be
after challenging myself to be
after challenging myself to be renormalized if you would I can gladly
renormalized if you would I can gladly
renormalized if you would I can gladly tell you that nine years later I’m now
tell you that nine years later I’m now
tell you that nine years later I’m now obtaining a master’s degree in biology
obtaining a master’s degree in biology
obtaining a master’s degree in biology from one of the most academically
from one of the most academically
from one of the most academically rigorous institutions in the world UC
rigorous institutions in the world UC
rigorous institutions in the world UC San Diego
mind you I am only one of thousands
mind you I am only one of thousands thousands of people like myself that are
thousands of people like myself that are
thousands of people like myself that are formerly incarcerated that have used
formerly incarcerated that have used
formerly incarcerated that have used education as a vehicle to redefine what
education as a vehicle to redefine what
education as a vehicle to redefine what their normal is if you change the
their normal is if you change the
their normal is if you change the trajectory of their lives
now self-advocacy self-love failure
now self-advocacy self-love failure success and most importantly for me
success and most importantly for me
success and most importantly for me faith is now normal and it doesn’t
faith is now normal and it doesn’t
faith is now normal and it doesn’t matter on what side of the wall
matter on what side of the wall
matter on what side of the wall you all are complacency when it comes to
you all are complacency when it comes to
you all are complacency when it comes to being or defining our normal can be
being or defining our normal can be
being or defining our normal can be dangerous because we need to be lifelong
dangerous because we need to be lifelong
dangerous because we need to be lifelong learners but I leave you with a really
learners but I leave you with a really
learners but I leave you with a really good note there’s an opportunity there’s
good note there’s an opportunity there’s
good note there’s an opportunity there’s an opportunity for us to continue to
an opportunity for us to continue to
an opportunity for us to continue to change what normal means to us but the
change what normal means to us but the
change what normal means to us but the first step that we need to take is to
first step that we need to take is to
first step that we need to take is to become aware to be aware of how skewed
become aware to be aware of how skewed
become aware to be aware of how skewed our perception or definition of
our perception or definition of
our perception or definition of normality has become to be willing to
normality has become to be willing to
normality has become to be willing to challenge the cycle of expectation of
challenge the cycle of expectation of
challenge the cycle of expectation of failure not only for ourselves but for
failure not only for ourselves but for
failure not only for ourselves but for our children and to redefine what normal
our children and to redefine what normal
our children and to redefine what normal means by taking a look at those
means by taking a look at those
means by taking a look at those expectations taking a look at the
expectations taking a look at the
expectations taking a look at the challenges again not only for us but of
challenges again not only for us but of
challenges again not only for us but of others and so I tell folks you need to
others and so I tell folks you need to
others and so I tell folks you need to learn how to be comfortable being
learn how to be comfortable being
learn how to be comfortable being uncomfortable because it’s only then
uncomfortable because it’s only then
uncomfortable because it’s only then that you’re gonna yield the results that
that you’re gonna yield the results that
that you’re gonna yield the results that you really are looking for and I give
you really are looking for and I give
you really are looking for and I give the analogy that it’s like it’s like
the analogy that it’s like it’s like
the analogy that it’s like it’s like working out it’s like working out it
working out it’s like working out it
working out it’s like working out it really is because in order to experience
really is because in order to experience
really is because in order to experience growth in order to get stronger you need
growth in order to get stronger you need
growth in order to get stronger you need to experience pain you need to
to experience pain you need to
to experience pain you need to experience her and while we have all
experience her and while we have all
experience her and while we have all made mistakes in our lives our mistakes
made mistakes in our lives our mistakes
made mistakes in our lives our mistakes don’t define us our mistakes are but
don’t define us our mistakes are but
don’t define us our mistakes are but another facet
another facet
another facet this jewel of a life that we have and
this jewel of a life that we have and
this jewel of a life that we have and mistakes are only one of those facets
mistakes are only one of those facets
mistakes are only one of those facets and our other facets are in our roles as
and our other facets are in our roles as
and our other facets are in our roles as citizens are in our roles as fathers as
citizens are in our roles as fathers as
citizens are in our roles as fathers as parents as sons and daughters and they
parents as sons and daughters and they
parents as sons and daughters and they all equally like a jewel contribute to
all equally like a jewel contribute to
all equally like a jewel contribute to the worth and I want to leave you with
the worth and I want to leave you with
the worth and I want to leave you with this I want to leave you with reminding
this I want to leave you with reminding
this I want to leave you with reminding you that our past doesn’t dictate our
you that our past doesn’t dictate our
you that our past doesn’t dictate our future and we have ongoing opportunities
future and we have ongoing opportunities
future and we have ongoing opportunities in this thing we call life
in this thing we call life
in this thing we call life to be able to redefine what normal means
to be able to redefine what normal means
to be able to redefine what normal means to us so I encourage you and I thank you
to us so I encourage you and I thank you
to us so I encourage you and I thank you for allowing me the honor to come and
for allowing me the honor to come and
for allowing me the honor to come and share with you today and I’ll leave you
share with you today and I’ll leave you
share with you today and I’ll leave you with asking yourself what normal means
with asking yourself what normal means
with asking yourself what normal means to you thank you
to you thank you
to you thank you [Applause]
”
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