Normal Pregnancy is not Normal | Lode Dewulf | TEDxBrusselsWomen

a man who comes to a woman’s event to

a man who comes to a woman’s event to speak about pregnancy normal or not

speak about pregnancy normal or not

speak about pregnancy normal or not normal the answer is yes it’s both

normal the answer is yes it’s both

normal the answer is yes it’s both normal and not normal and I think it

normal and not normal and I think it

normal and not normal and I think it should just be normal and this normal

should just be normal and this normal

should just be normal and this normal man is here to tell you that today a

man is here to tell you that today a

man is here to tell you that today a normal pregnancy is not normal

normal pregnancy is not normal

normal pregnancy is not normal confusing right it’s because I mixed two

confusing right it’s because I mixed two

confusing right it’s because I mixed two definitions and kept mixing them the

definitions and kept mixing them the

definitions and kept mixing them the aspirational definition of a normal

aspirational definition of a normal

aspirational definition of a normal pregnancy is a pregnancy without

pregnancy is a pregnancy without

pregnancy is a pregnancy without problems first and foremost health

problems first and foremost health

problems first and foremost health problems the factual or statistical

problems the factual or statistical

problems the factual or statistical definition just look at which pregnancy

definition just look at which pregnancy

definition just look at which pregnancy is the most frequent and takes that as

is the most frequent and takes that as

is the most frequent and takes that as the norm so to be less confusing my

the norm so to be less confusing my

the norm so to be less confusing my opening statement should in fact have

opening statement should in fact have

opening statement should in fact have been a pregnancy without problems is not

been a pregnancy without problems is not

been a pregnancy without problems is not frequent in fact it’s quite rare let’s

frequent in fact it’s quite rare let’s

frequent in fact it’s quite rare let’s look at some facts a recent online

look at some facts a recent online

look at some facts a recent online survey asked mothers if they had

survey asked mothers if they had

survey asked mothers if they had encountered in relation to their

encountered in relation to their

encountered in relation to their pregnancy a problem in four domains

pregnancy a problem in four domains

pregnancy a problem in four domains health and medicine Planning and

health and medicine Planning and

health and medicine Planning and Relations information and navigation and

Relations information and navigation and

Relations information and navigation and last but not least work and career over

last but not least work and career over

last but not least work and career over 3,000 women participated and only 6% of

3,000 women participated and only 6% of

3,000 women participated and only 6% of those mothers six percent said that they

those mothers six percent said that they

those mothers six percent said that they had not encountered a problem in those

had not encountered a problem in those

had not encountered a problem in those domains which means almost everybody

domains which means almost everybody

domains which means almost everybody does

does

does and so today statistically speaking a

and so today statistically speaking a

and so today statistically speaking a normal pregnancy is a pregnancy that

normal pregnancy is a pregnancy that

normal pregnancy is a pregnancy that encounters a problem or two even though

encounters a problem or two even though

encounters a problem or two even though that is not the normality

that is not the normality

that is not the normality that we desire I for one as a man as a

that we desire I for one as a man as a

that we desire I for one as a man as a doctor did not know the extent of the

doctor did not know the extent of the

doctor did not know the extent of the challenge in motherhood that it was so

challenge in motherhood that it was so

challenge in motherhood that it was so high so how does how do we move a norm

high so how does how do we move a norm

high so how does how do we move a norm an ID to a reality

an ID to a reality

an ID to a reality let me demonstrate that to you right

let me demonstrate that to you right

let me demonstrate that to you right here on stage how it works I’ll take

here on stage how it works I’ll take

here on stage how it works I’ll take this chair to be the moral norm what is

this chair to be the moral norm what is

this chair to be the moral norm what is desired and I’ll call I give her a name

desired and I’ll call I give her a name

desired and I’ll call I give her a name she is madam should madam shoot is

she is madam should madam shoot is

she is madam should madam shoot is beautiful comfortable expensive chic but

beautiful comfortable expensive chic but

beautiful comfortable expensive chic but also a bit antique and I will play the

also a bit antique and I will play the

also a bit antique and I will play the woman so the only way I can move the

woman so the only way I can move the

woman so the only way I can move the morals to reality is to pull them to me

morals to reality is to pull them to me

morals to reality is to pull them to me so let me do that sure how it goes as

so let me do that sure how it goes as

so let me do that sure how it goes as the effects on any norm as we’ve heard

the effects on any norm as we’ve heard

the effects on any norm as we’ve heard before move in the beginning nothing

before move in the beginning nothing

before move in the beginning nothing happens but as tension builds up at a

happens but as tension builds up at a

happens but as tension builds up at a certain moment to share it moves and

certain moment to share it moves and

certain moment to share it moves and then suddenly it moves so this is a fact

then suddenly it moves so this is a fact

then suddenly it moves so this is a fact that you should know the statistics the

that you should know the statistics the

that you should know the statistics the people always go first because morals

people always go first because morals

people always go first because morals never move by themselves it’s people

never move by themselves it’s people

never move by themselves it’s people that moved them and when the morals move

that moved them and when the morals move

that moved them and when the morals move they don’t move as smoothly as we do as

they don’t move as smoothly as we do as

they don’t move as smoothly as we do as individuals as society they move in a

individuals as society they move in a

individuals as society they move in a kind of a shocking way and there are two

kind of a shocking way and there are two

kind of a shocking way and there are two problems associated with that number one

problems associated with that number one

problems associated with that number one I have to do the work I have to pull I

I have to do the work I have to pull I

I have to do the work I have to pull I feel the attention it’s wearing me down

feel the attention it’s wearing me down

feel the attention it’s wearing me down I already have a problem in pregnancy

I already have a problem in pregnancy

I already have a problem in pregnancy and on top of it I still have to fight

and on top of it I still have to fight

and on top of it I still have to fight tomorrow long and the second problem is

tomorrow long and the second problem is

tomorrow long and the second problem is that society generally puts all its

that society generally puts all its

that society generally puts all its resources its infrastructure its

resources its infrastructure its

resources its infrastructure its information that support system on madam

information that support system on madam

information that support system on madam should not on madam is so the question

should not on madam is so the question

should not on madam is so the question then becomes why is there so much

then becomes why is there so much

then becomes why is there so much attention there and I only get tension

attention there and I only get tension

attention there and I only get tension not attention

not attention

not attention and how do I change those two the answer

and how do I change those two the answer

and how do I change those two the answer became clear to me when recently I

became clear to me when recently I

became clear to me when recently I discovered yet another motherhood effect

discovered yet another motherhood effect

discovered yet another motherhood effect that I had previously not known about I

that I had previously not known about I

that I had previously not known about I learned including at university that a

learned including at university that a

learned including at university that a woman’s ability to conceive so her

woman’s ability to conceive so her

woman’s ability to conceive so her fertility dramatically drops after the

fertility dramatically drops after the

fertility dramatically drops after the age of 30 and certainly after 35 who

age of 30 and certainly after 35 who

age of 30 and certainly after 35 who else has heard this almost everybody and

else has heard this almost everybody and

else has heard this almost everybody and that explains why today this is a true

that explains why today this is a true

that explains why today this is a true concern a tension for millions of women

concern a tension for millions of women

concern a tension for millions of women especially in our part of the world

especially in our part of the world

especially in our part of the world where women sometimes want to wait a bit

where women sometimes want to wait a bit

where women sometimes want to wait a bit longer

longer

longer to start a family but here’s a fact the

to start a family but here’s a fact the

to start a family but here’s a fact the study on which this concept is based was

study on which this concept is based was

study on which this concept is based was actually done in the 1700s by scholars

actually done in the 1700s by scholars

actually done in the 1700s by scholars who went into the church to look into

who went into the church to look into

who went into the church to look into the registries to look at the age of the

the registries to look at the age of the

the registries to look at the age of the mother at birth and that’s how they

mother at birth and that’s how they

mother at birth and that’s how they calculated this fertility evolution it’s

calculated this fertility evolution it’s

calculated this fertility evolution it’s not very difficult to see how

not very difficult to see how

not very difficult to see how dramatically different today’s

dramatically different today’s

dramatically different today’s situations from the 1700s right a much

situations from the 1700s right a much

situations from the 1700s right a much bigger and much better study ten years

bigger and much better study ten years

bigger and much better study ten years ago looked at hundreds of couples in our

ago looked at hundreds of couples in our

ago looked at hundreds of couples in our part of the world who were actively

part of the world who were actively

part of the world who were actively trying to conceive and what they found

trying to conceive and what they found

trying to conceive and what they found is that in women aged 34 to 39 82%

is that in women aged 34 to 39 82%

is that in women aged 34 to 39 82% actually conceived naturally within one

actually conceived naturally within one

actually conceived naturally within one year 82% is a lot better than the

year 82% is a lot better than the

year 82% is a lot better than the prediction from 300 years ago which is

prediction from 300 years ago which is

prediction from 300 years ago which is still in the textbooks in which we all

still in the textbooks in which we all

still in the textbooks in which we all heard about and it’s only 4% lower than

heard about and it’s only 4% lower than

heard about and it’s only 4% lower than what was observed in the age group from

what was observed in the age group from

what was observed in the age group from 27 to 34 frankly I felt shocked and

27 to 34 frankly I felt shocked and

27 to 34 frankly I felt shocked and humbled when I learned about this and so

humbled when I learned about this and so

humbled when I learned about this and so my concept of what is a normal mother

my concept of what is a normal mother

my concept of what is a normal mother hood age shifted suddenly significantly

hood age shifted suddenly significantly

hood age shifted suddenly significantly and dramatically like the chair

and dramatically like the chair

and dramatically like the chair when it was pulled by facts that are

when it was pulled by facts that are

when it was pulled by facts that are strong enough and once you focus on the

strong enough and once you focus on the

strong enough and once you focus on the facts then automatically you will also

facts then automatically you will also

facts then automatically you will also find solutions to support these new

find solutions to support these new

find solutions to support these new realities so once you accept that women

realities so once you accept that women

realities so once you accept that women not only will but can conceive later in

not only will but can conceive later in

not only will but can conceive later in life you’ll find solutions to support

life you’ll find solutions to support

life you’ll find solutions to support them did you know that both Apple and

them did you know that both Apple and

them did you know that both Apple and Facebook offered their female employees

Facebook offered their female employees

Facebook offered their female employees a grant to freeze their eggs just in

a grant to freeze their eggs just in

a grant to freeze their eggs just in case they want to conceive later in life

case they want to conceive later in life

case they want to conceive later in life I think it’s a brilliant way of going

I think it’s a brilliant way of going

I think it’s a brilliant way of going beyond recognize a new reality to

beyond recognize a new reality to

beyond recognize a new reality to actually providing true support for

actually providing true support for

actually providing true support for women in their choices the question of

women in their choices the question of

women in their choices the question of this whole topic of age also made me

this whole topic of age also made me

this whole topic of age also made me realize that it’s not that difficult in

realize that it’s not that difficult in

realize that it’s not that difficult in fact to change the tension into

fact to change the tension into

fact to change the tension into attention because in fact the only thing

attention because in fact the only thing

attention because in fact the only thing you need to do is a simple shift of

you need to do is a simple shift of

you need to do is a simple shift of focus as long as I focus on the morals

focus as long as I focus on the morals

focus as long as I focus on the morals and continue to moralize women who

and continue to moralize women who

and continue to moralize women who happen to have a problem in pregnancy I

happen to have a problem in pregnancy I

happen to have a problem in pregnancy I will fail them but when I shift my own

will fail them but when I shift my own

will fail them but when I shift my own focus from the chair from the moral to

focus from the chair from the moral to

focus from the chair from the moral to the woman to the reality and face the

the woman to the reality and face the

the woman to the reality and face the facts then it becomes very easy just

facts then it becomes very easy just

facts then it becomes very easy just imagine that a woman who has a problem

imagine that a woman who has a problem

imagine that a woman who has a problem in pregnancy is no longer judged or

in pregnancy is no longer judged or

in pregnancy is no longer judged or moralized is no longer feeling guilty or

moralized is no longer feeling guilty or

moralized is no longer feeling guilty or blames that’s an incredible incredible

blames that’s an incredible incredible

blames that’s an incredible incredible difference now you can say oh that’s all

difference now you can say oh that’s all

difference now you can say oh that’s all very soft and woolly but it’s not

very soft and woolly but it’s not

very soft and woolly but it’s not because you can never underestimate the

because you can never underestimate the

because you can never underestimate the healing power of feeling normal

healing power of feeling normal

healing power of feeling normal or feeling accepted of feeling okay it’s

or feeling accepted of feeling okay it’s

or feeling accepted of feeling okay it’s the basis for every action

so imagine a future where by for every

so imagine a future where by for every pregnancy this is the case that every

pregnancy this is the case that every

pregnancy this is the case that every pregnancy is accepted the way it is an

pregnancy is accepted the way it is an

pregnancy is accepted the way it is an older mother whatever it gets she gets

older mother whatever it gets she gets

older mother whatever it gets she gets the information she needs she gets the

the information she needs she gets the

the information she needs she gets the support that she needs that for me is

support that she needs that for me is

support that she needs that for me is really a motherhood moonshot and I have

really a motherhood moonshot and I have

really a motherhood moonshot and I have good news because this today is a

good news because this today is a

good news because this today is a reality more than it has ever been

reality more than it has ever been

reality more than it has ever been before

before

before people individuals and organizations are

people individuals and organizations are

people individuals and organizations are not waiting for a big global conference

not waiting for a big global conference

not waiting for a big global conference although that may still help they’re

although that may still help they’re

although that may still help they’re just putting actions in place based on

just putting actions in place based on

just putting actions in place based on facts they learn just think about the

facts they learn just think about the

facts they learn just think about the two companies I mentioned but even if

two companies I mentioned but even if

two companies I mentioned but even if you are not working at a company like

you are not working at a company like

you are not working at a company like that or even if you don’t have a

that or even if you don’t have a

that or even if you don’t have a specific idea you can still help by

specific idea you can still help by

specific idea you can still help by changing your concept of what is normal

changing your concept of what is normal

changing your concept of what is normal in your own mind first and then in the

in your own mind first and then in the

in your own mind first and then in the minds of those who are around you I

minds of those who are around you I

minds of those who are around you I believe that it has never been possible

believe that it has never been possible

believe that it has never been possible to do that as much as it is today just

to do that as much as it is today just

to do that as much as it is today just think about the digital revolution

think about the digital revolution

think about the digital revolution around us the social media revolution

around us the social media revolution

around us the social media revolution today we can learn more about pregnancy

today we can learn more about pregnancy

today we can learn more about pregnancy than we ever knew before there are about

than we ever knew before there are about

than we ever knew before there are about 10 million babies born in the US and

10 million babies born in the US and

10 million babies born in the US and Europe every year and it’s estimated

Europe every year and it’s estimated

Europe every year and it’s estimated today that already a quarter million

today that already a quarter million

today that already a quarter million woman who are pregnant in the United

woman who are pregnant in the United

woman who are pregnant in the United States enter some data about their

States enter some data about their

States enter some data about their pregnancy into their mobile phones into

pregnancy into their mobile phones into

pregnancy into their mobile phones into an app every day every day

an app every day every day

an app every day every day just imagine how if we could with their

just imagine how if we could with their

just imagine how if we could with their proper consent analyze a fraction of

proper consent analyze a fraction of

proper consent analyze a fraction of that we would learn more and faster than

that we would learn more and faster than

that we would learn more and faster than any historical study any planned study

any historical study any planned study

any historical study any planned study or any current study can do I believe

or any current study can do I believe

or any current study can do I believe that knowledge about the facts will

that knowledge about the facts will

that knowledge about the facts will trigger the action that is needed and

trigger the action that is needed and

trigger the action that is needed and this is also where governments come in

this is also where governments come in

this is also where governments come in because they can structure the data

because they can structure the data

because they can structure the data collection and the data sharing and they

collection and the data sharing and they

collection and the data sharing and they can also put in place the new structures

can also put in place the new structures

can also put in place the new structures and support and information that women

and support and information that women

and support and information that women who face these problems really need at

who face these problems really need at

who face these problems really need at work in

work in

work in relations navigation health but above

relations navigation health but above

relations navigation health but above all above all I believe in the power of

all above all I believe in the power of

all above all I believe in the power of the individual each one of us each one

the individual each one of us each one

the individual each one of us each one of us can change our definition of what

of us can change our definition of what

of us can change our definition of what we call normal by looking at the facts

we call normal by looking at the facts

we call normal by looking at the facts and in doing so we will change that

and in doing so we will change that

and in doing so we will change that tension that currently is given to women

tension that currently is given to women

tension that currently is given to women on top of their problem into attention

on top of their problem into attention

on top of their problem into attention for them and into active support it’s

for them and into active support it’s

for them and into active support it’s really about time that we change the

really about time that we change the

really about time that we change the story of motherhood that we find the new

story of motherhood that we find the new

story of motherhood that we find the new modern definitions of what is normal in

modern definitions of what is normal in

modern definitions of what is normal in motherhood based on the facts and each

motherhood based on the facts and each

motherhood based on the facts and each one of us each one of us has the

one of us each one of us has the

one of us each one of us has the individual power to contribute to that

individual power to contribute to that

individual power to contribute to that thank you

thank you

thank you [Applause]