Hello all,
I’m really happy to be here today to talk to you about the topic
You already know more than anyone else on this planet
Because I will talk about you.
I will talk about everyone in this room
I will talk about everyone who listens to this program.
Let me give you a brief overview of what I will present to you.
We were working, meaning we were doing research
For almost six decades
With 200,000 to 300,000 people
In every continent now, except Antarctica
In doing so,
We learned two basic lessons about what we are as human beings.
I want you to think about yourself
The most important people for you
And what I’m saying ..
Do not make up a difference from you
In terms of race, sex, language, and other patterns of differentiation
We are now talking about what we are as human beings.
We have learned two basic lessons
Within six decades of working with people everywhere on our planet.
OK.
The first lesson you learned is you and me
Understand ourselves that we care or do not care
By the people most important to us in the same four ways.
I will invite you to think about yourself in a moment
In terms of your continuity
In your relationship to the person or people most important to you
In your life or work, such as parents and others.
The second basic lesson we learned
Is that depending on where we fall on this continuum of care,
Desirable, appreciated, lovable, whatever the word used –
We call it acceptance –
People tend to respond exactly the same way,
Everywhere in the world.
So far we have not found any exceptions in any of the world’s population ..
There are some individuals who are exceptions but not residents.
Now, think of a really important person in your life
A parent, an intimate partner, someone makes a difference
In your sense of who you are and in your feelings about yourself.
Put yourself on this chain.
We do not accept or reject
But we all fall somewhere along the dimension
From being more or less in acceptance or rejection.
Acceptable:
Warm up and love it, let’s say, your partner
Your intimate partner?
How warm and affectionate you see in this person as a human being?
Or the warmth and affection of your parents
When I was growing up at home?
Instead, coolness and ingenuity?
This person’s hostility and violence toward you
And your feelings about it?
Ignorance or neglect of this person for you?
And your feelings about what we call indistinct rejection
You feel that this person is very important in your life
He really does not care for you, wants you, cares about you, loves you
Whatever this feeling, that is, from our point of view
We call that rejection.
Think about that person now.
What we discovered:
People everywhere on our planet respond exactly the same way
Like the population there are some individuals who are a bit different
They are more able to deal with others
Respond in exactly the same way to feelings of rejection:
We worry, we feel insecure.
Then we start to anger
This is the set of things I display on the screen from the rear
It starts to happen to us
It revolves around all other species
If we feel rejected by someone
Especially for children who grow up in a family where they do not feel the desire and appreciation
Love, and so on –
It revolves around all other species
Such as depression themes, suicidal thoughts
Drug addiction, school problems, this continues, and so on.
Since years
There was a distinguished colleague a few years ago
“Ron is just a feeling for people,” he said
Not real, not important
Did not hurt, what’s the matter? rid of it.”
What we have learned in recent years, with the development of neuroscience
Neuropsychology, neuroscience, biochemistry, and so forth
That this is not simply a casual phenomenon
This is not just a transient thing.
In fact, it affects the structure of the brain.
Not rejected, by this very influential person in our lives
Illuminates the same part of the brain that is illuminated by physical pain.
Imagine you inserted the thumb into the car door
Or anything else really hurt.
This hurts!
After three weeks, you will remember
“The boy who hurt you”
But you will not feel pain.
With rejection, when you remember
The brain will shine
The same way he did when I first encountered it
Or can do so.
More importantly, perhaps in some respects
For children born in families of rejection –
With abuse, neglect, and other forms of psychological rejection, and so forth
It actually changes the structure of the brain.
Brain structure and function are two different things,
Are significantly different for children who have suffered from rejection.
Areas of the brain that are necessary for learning
For memory, for emotional control, and a whole range of things
Affected by the rejection process.
Some of us –
There are about 100 people in the room now, I think
I know there are at least seven to ten of you
Who have suffered, with great pain, those things that I am talking about.
In the United States, usually, it is within the range of seven to ten percent
Of each sample, each population we worked with
They suffered in a very serious way.
The good side of it is that you know that 90 percent or more of us
They grew up with more or less love in our families.
But many of us know people who have suffered from these kinds of things
Things of anger, and emotional response
Emotional instability, and so forth that revolves in these other directions.
Now, with the brain structure,
With its biological neurological effects, neuropsychological effects
It also tends to continue throughout their lives.
So far in adulthood, those who refused us as children
There are things that I talked about
In terms of personal things, and general psychological adjustment
Some neurological effects are biological, neuropsychological
For the rejection process, it extends into adulthood
And makes us more vulnerable and vulnerable
To a full range of biomedical matters
More prone to cancers, diabetes, allergies of one type or another
A list of things will happen, and may also affect age.
Some of these things, of course, do not quite know about.
So, we are clearly talking about something, in fact, during my six decades
From reading the literature of psychological development
And study people around the world
I have not yet been able, personally, to find anything that affects this consistently
Over a long period of time in the lives of people everywhere
Regardless of differences in race, language, culture, sex, etc.
This experience is also of a sense of interest or not.
Now, some people deny, “I do not need to care about me”
I do not need anyone to love me, I do not need to hug. “
Well, that’s it –
For people who have refused, this is not unfamiliar
This is an issue we call “defensive independence”:
It hurts a lot, that you have been hurt too much.
By the way, we are not satisfactory people to talk to them about this:
These are predictable natural consequences
Of the rejection process
Which we all tend to experience.
We need to understand that these are natural responses
To possess us as human beings
To understand ourselves to care about the same way or not
And respond in the same way
When we feel that these are our basic needs
Care, support and love are not met.
right Now
I do not want to grieve you completely,
So let me talk a bit
Just about the benefits of a sense of interest
Acceptance, love, appreciation, and desire.
It serves as a major barrier against all these negative effects
And many more that I have not mentioned to you –
Effects of rejection ..
It is a barrier against it, so develop it.
But the feeling of interest
For children who grow up in captivity where they feel they are loved
It has an effect in itself.
This means, for example
Children born in loving families tend to be more sociable,
They tend to be helpful
They tend more towards being –
The whole range of things that we parents want in our children.
So it is not only a barrier against the effects of rejection
But it has all the advantages in itself.
Then recently, we found something interesting is really interesting for me,
I probably think you.
All of you have thought, I hope, now
Everyone is listening to this show
About your personal relationship
With that person or other people who are extremely important to you
And where to put yourself
On these dimensions of warmth and affection of the hand
Some of these things are psychological adjustment
And personal behavior on the other hand.
We have a basic need
To the positive response of people who are important to us;
We are social animals at the core of our biological evolution
What we are as humans ..
Seemingly.
Otherwise why do not we find exceptions in any population in the world?
What I want to do is, as a catalyst for change
In a very troubled world we all know about it
I want at this moment to ..
I forgot to say
So what we learned is to be able to give affection
It has more benefits than getting affection.
So most of my work has been in the past six decades:
“What happens to us when we receive love, or not?”
But we discover recently
Because the work of other people such as (Corrie Floyd) and his partners
Be able to give affection
It has more benefits than the benefits of receiving affection.
health benefits
Psychological benefits, and others.
With this thought I want to be a catalyst for change
By calling everyone: Please stand up and bring the person next to you.
(Laughter)
Please, stand up and hug the person next to you.
(chat)
Does anyone like my hug?
I want our embrace.
thank you.
(Laughter)
For those of you who want more information about this,
Please visit our website.
And continues as such;
It takes about a full semester or more to go through the details of this.
So, thank you very much for being a great audience.
(clap)
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