my family often jokes that I began writing before I could speak and some
writing before I could speak and some
writing before I could speak and some days I seriously doubt it’s even a joke
days I seriously doubt it’s even a joke
days I seriously doubt it’s even a joke I do not feel whole without a pen and
I do not feel whole without a pen and
I do not feel whole without a pen and notebook in my hand I understand my own
notebook in my hand I understand my own
notebook in my hand I understand my own soul so much more clearly on paper than
soul so much more clearly on paper than
soul so much more clearly on paper than I ever could through speech see I
I ever could through speech see I
I ever could through speech see I collect words the way some people
collect words the way some people
collect words the way some people collect coins or stamps or CDs I have
collect coins or stamps or CDs I have
collect coins or stamps or CDs I have dozens and journals and on my phone
dozens and journals and on my phone
dozens and journals and on my phone scrawled into the margins of school
scrawled into the margins of school
scrawled into the margins of school notes sprinkled into poetry and everyday
notes sprinkled into poetry and everyday
notes sprinkled into poetry and everyday conversations words like serendipity now
conversations words like serendipity now
conversations words like serendipity now a chance occurrence of events and happy
a chance occurrence of events and happy
a chance occurrence of events and happy or beneficial way or iridescent
or beneficial way or iridescent
or beneficial way or iridescent adjective producing rainbow light colors
adjective producing rainbow light colors
adjective producing rainbow light colors bombin 8 verb to make humming noise
bombin 8 verb to make humming noise
bombin 8 verb to make humming noise gossamer Sonova pulchritude limerence
gossamer Sonova pulchritude limerence
gossamer Sonova pulchritude limerence there so in a way I can’t help but cling
there so in a way I can’t help but cling
there so in a way I can’t help but cling to I think perhaps I collect these words
to I think perhaps I collect these words
to I think perhaps I collect these words to avoid much sharper ones words like
to avoid much sharper ones words like
to avoid much sharper ones words like major depressive disorder now a mental
major depressive disorder now a mental
major depressive disorder now a mental disorder characterized by persistent
disorder characterized by persistent
disorder characterized by persistent sadness or generalized anxiety disorder
sadness or generalized anxiety disorder
sadness or generalized anxiety disorder now a mental disorder characterized by
now a mental disorder characterized by
now a mental disorder characterized by excessive anxiety in everyday situations
excessive anxiety in everyday situations
excessive anxiety in everyday situations obsessive compulsive disorder now a
obsessive compulsive disorder now a
obsessive compulsive disorder now a mental disorder characterized by
mental disorder characterized by
mental disorder characterized by unwanted and repeated thoughts feelings
unwanted and repeated thoughts feelings
unwanted and repeated thoughts feelings sensations and behaviors hyperacusis now
sensations and behaviors hyperacusis now
sensations and behaviors hyperacusis now increased sensitivity to usual
increased sensitivity to usual
increased sensitivity to usual environmental sound as typical of mental
environmental sound as typical of mental
environmental sound as typical of mental disorders association D realization
disorders association D realization
disorders association D realization panic attack
panic attack
panic attack suicidal ideation words like that those
suicidal ideation words like that those
suicidal ideation words like that those are the ones that I hide words like that
are the ones that I hide words like that
are the ones that I hide words like that are not soft but sharp as gunshots as
are not soft but sharp as gunshots as
are not soft but sharp as gunshots as unmarked graves singing IDEs without the
unmarked graves singing IDEs without the
unmarked graves singing IDEs without the chlorine to justify them words like that
chlorine to justify them words like that
chlorine to justify them words like that are the ones that terrify me and the
are the ones that terrify me and the
are the ones that terrify me and the ones I cannot stop staring in the face
once my mother asked me why I write so
once my mother asked me why I write so many poems about sadness it is because
many poems about sadness it is because
many poems about sadness it is because if you take the word sadness if you take
if you take the word sadness if you take
if you take the word sadness if you take the word anxiety if you take sharp words
the word anxiety if you take sharp words
the word anxiety if you take sharp words and you repeat them enough times in
and you repeat them enough times in
and you repeat them enough times in enough ways with enough metaphors they
enough ways with enough metaphors they
enough ways with enough metaphors they start to blend into each other they
start to blend into each other they
start to blend into each other they start to lose the sharpness from the
start to lose the sharpness from the
start to lose the sharpness from the moment I was diagnosed I couldn’t talk
moment I was diagnosed I couldn’t talk
moment I was diagnosed I couldn’t talk about my illnesses with anyone in my
about my illnesses with anyone in my
about my illnesses with anyone in my life not to my family we found it
life not to my family we found it
life not to my family we found it laughable that anyone could possibly
laughable that anyone could possibly
laughable that anyone could possibly feel sad for no reason or to my teachers
feel sad for no reason or to my teachers
feel sad for no reason or to my teachers who are more concerned with the fact
who are more concerned with the fact
who are more concerned with the fact that my grades were dropping and I’d
that my grades were dropping and I’d
that my grades were dropping and I’d started sleeping in class than any
started sleeping in class than any
started sleeping in class than any particular reason behind that or to my
particular reason behind that or to my
particular reason behind that or to my friends who seemed to see suffering as a
friends who seemed to see suffering as a
friends who seemed to see suffering as a given the inevitable and even desired
given the inevitable and even desired
given the inevitable and even desired side effect of straight A’s and a
side effect of straight A’s and a
side effect of straight A’s and a flawless resume so tell me this how do
flawless resume so tell me this how do
flawless resume so tell me this how do you walk up to someone who cares about
you walk up to someone who cares about
you walk up to someone who cares about you and say hey fun fact did you know
you and say hey fun fact did you know
you and say hey fun fact did you know that more people and buildings on a fire
that more people and buildings on a fire
that more people and buildings on a fire die from jumping out the window than
die from jumping out the window than
die from jumping out the window than from burning to death how do you look
from burning to death how do you look
from burning to death how do you look them in the eye and say hey fun fact did
them in the eye and say hey fun fact did
them in the eye and say hey fun fact did you know that my body is a building on
you know that my body is a building on
you know that my body is a building on fire and those windows are looking so
fire and those windows are looking so
fire and those windows are looking so damn tempting right now
you don’t of course you don’t
you don’t of course you don’t she did no one would know how to reply
she did no one would know how to reply
she did no one would know how to reply and certainly no one would say I feel
and certainly no one would say I feel
and certainly no one would say I feel the same way so I didn’t say the
the same way so I didn’t say the
the same way so I didn’t say the thoughts that terrified and saddle me
thoughts that terrified and saddle me
thoughts that terrified and saddle me instead I wrote them all down I wrote
instead I wrote them all down I wrote
instead I wrote them all down I wrote and I wrote and I wrote about the mental
and I wrote and I wrote about the mental
and I wrote and I wrote about the mental illnesses I have that are shared by
illnesses I have that are shared by
illnesses I have that are shared by millions depression and the ones I have
millions depression and the ones I have
millions depression and the ones I have that no one else has ever heard of
that no one else has ever heard of
that no one else has ever heard of hyperacusis I read about drifting away
hyperacusis I read about drifting away
hyperacusis I read about drifting away from friends who complained when my OCD
from friends who complained when my OCD
from friends who complained when my OCD forced me to compulsively organize their
forced me to compulsively organize their
forced me to compulsively organize their houses whenever I came over who accused
houses whenever I came over who accused
houses whenever I came over who accused me of having first world problems when I
me of having first world problems when I
me of having first world problems when I couldn’t make myself stop until those
couldn’t make myself stop until those
couldn’t make myself stop until those books on the coffee table were set at a
books on the coffee table were set at a
books on the coffee table were set at a perfect right angle I wrote about waking
perfect right angle I wrote about waking
perfect right angle I wrote about waking up in the middle of the night with
up in the middle of the night with
up in the middle of the night with stinging wrists because I’ve been
stinging wrists because I’ve been
stinging wrists because I’ve been picking with them in my sleep
picking with them in my sleep
picking with them in my sleep no making excuses when people asked me
no making excuses when people asked me
no making excuses when people asked me why my arms were so red and swollen I
why my arms were so red and swollen I
why my arms were so red and swollen I read about not eating study for my AP
read about not eating study for my AP
read about not eating study for my AP psychology tests because trust me I sat
psychology tests because trust me I sat
psychology tests because trust me I sat through enough psychiatrist appointments
through enough psychiatrist appointments
through enough psychiatrist appointments to more than memorize the effect of
to more than memorize the effect of
to more than memorize the effect of serotonin on our on our dopamine
serotonin on our on our dopamine
serotonin on our on our dopamine pathways all of the sharpness I could
pathways all of the sharpness I could
pathways all of the sharpness I could not share with people who loved me it
not share with people who loved me it
not share with people who loved me it did not know how to help I instead put
did not know how to help I instead put
did not know how to help I instead put into words all the hurting the darkness
into words all the hurting the darkness
into words all the hurting the darkness and the light to wherever I could find
and the light to wherever I could find
and the light to wherever I could find it however much I could Scott and I
it however much I could Scott and I
it however much I could Scott and I noticed something that with every word I
noticed something that with every word I
noticed something that with every word I wrote my mental disorders moved one step
wrote my mental disorders moved one step
wrote my mental disorders moved one step further away from consuming my illness
further away from consuming my illness
further away from consuming my illness has told me that I was nothing but the
has told me that I was nothing but the
has told me that I was nothing but the words promised me that I could be
words promised me that I could be
words promised me that I could be everything so when I started putting my
everything so when I started putting my
everything so when I started putting my poems and stories and essays about
poems and stories and essays about
poems and stories and essays about mental illness on a small blog in the
mental illness on a small blog in the
mental illness on a small blog in the vast Internet
vast Internet
vast Internet perhaps I shouldn’t have been a surprise
perhaps I shouldn’t have been a surprise
perhaps I shouldn’t have been a surprise as I was when the emails started
as I was when the emails started
as I was when the emails started flooding I started my blog two years
flooding I started my blog two years
flooding I started my blog two years before my first diagnosis of depression
before my first diagnosis of depression
before my first diagnosis of depression and anxiety in that time I amassed a
and anxiety in that time I amassed a
and anxiety in that time I amassed a small but loyal following of about 2,000
small but loyal following of about 2,000
small but loyal following of about 2,000 people in the two years following my
people in the two years following my
people in the two years following my diagnosis when I began writing about
diagnosis when I began writing about
diagnosis when I began writing about them openly that number grew to almost
them openly that number grew to almost
them openly that number grew to almost 30,000 what I started to realize was
30,000 what I started to realize was
30,000 what I started to realize was that no one else on the internet or
that no one else on the internet or
that no one else on the internet or elsewhere was talking about illness
elsewhere was talking about illness
elsewhere was talking about illness real-time chronicling every up and down
real-time chronicling every up and down
real-time chronicling every up and down of their journey every poem or book or a
of their journey every poem or book or a
of their journey every poem or book or a story or article that I read about
story or article that I read about
story or article that I read about mental illness was written in the past
mental illness was written in the past
mental illness was written in the past tense and while I devoured every one of
tense and while I devoured every one of
tense and while I devoured every one of those words still I yearned for more it
those words still I yearned for more it
those words still I yearned for more it felt like everyone else had already
felt like everyone else had already
felt like everyone else had already moved on with their lives and recovered
moved on with their lives and recovered
moved on with their lives and recovered from their illnesses that dark spot in
from their illnesses that dark spot in
from their illnesses that dark spot in their lives rushed over and tied up in a
their lives rushed over and tied up in a
their lives rushed over and tied up in a neat bow but my experience with illness
neat bow but my experience with illness
neat bow but my experience with illness has never been neat I’ve never been able
has never been neat I’ve never been able
has never been neat I’ve never been able to compartmentalize my journey has never
to compartmentalize my journey has never
to compartmentalize my journey has never been linear my everyday battle is never
been linear my everyday battle is never
been linear my everyday battle is never obvious to those around me I assumed I
obvious to those around me I assumed I
obvious to those around me I assumed I was the only one but as the blog grew
was the only one but as the blog grew
was the only one but as the blog grew first tens then hundreds and thousands
first tens then hundreds and thousands
first tens then hundreds and thousands and then tens of thousands of readers
and then tens of thousands of readers
and then tens of thousands of readers around the world all with illnesses both
around the world all with illnesses both
around the world all with illnesses both similar to and starkly different from my
similar to and starkly different from my
similar to and starkly different from my own thanked me for putting their
own thanked me for putting their
own thanked me for putting their struggles into words and I started to
struggles into words and I started to
struggles into words and I started to realize how very wrong I was with every
realize how very wrong I was with every
realize how very wrong I was with every essay about having panic attacks when
essay about having panic attacks when
essay about having panic attacks when teachers did not doff the letter I on
teachers did not doff the letter I on
teachers did not doff the letter I on the whiteboard him another person with
the whiteboard him another person with
the whiteboard him another person with OCD saying I’m so glad I found with
OCD saying I’m so glad I found with
OCD saying I’m so glad I found with every story about my ear is flaring so
every story about my ear is flaring so
every story about my ear is flaring so badly I wanted a sensory overload him
badly I wanted a sensory overload him
badly I wanted a sensory overload him another person with hyperacusis saying
another person with hyperacusis saying
another person with hyperacusis saying reading your words feels like coming
reading your words feels like coming
reading your words feels like coming home
home
home with every poem about days when even
with every poem about days when even
with every poem about days when even falling asleep felt like a Herculean
falling asleep felt like a Herculean
falling asleep felt like a Herculean task him another person with depression
task him another person with depression
task him another person with depression saying thank you for breaking the
saying thank you for breaking the
saying thank you for breaking the silence my readers tell me that somehow
silence my readers tell me that somehow
silence my readers tell me that somehow they found me a stranger living half a
they found me a stranger living half a
they found me a stranger living half a world away and they helped a little less
world away and they helped a little less
world away and they helped a little less alone but because of what I’ve written
alone but because of what I’ve written
alone but because of what I’ve written they stood through the storm for one
they stood through the storm for one
they stood through the storm for one more day this accidental community
more day this accidental community
more day this accidental community that’s formed around my words both holds
that’s formed around my words both holds
that’s formed around my words both holds me up and allows me to reach out a hand
me up and allows me to reach out a hand
me up and allows me to reach out a hand to others what gets me out of bed on the
to others what gets me out of bed on the
to others what gets me out of bed on the days when it would be so much easier not
days when it would be so much easier not
days when it would be so much easier not to is the thought of trying to be
to is the thought of trying to be
to is the thought of trying to be someone from my readers what no one else
someone from my readers what no one else
someone from my readers what no one else ever was for me here’s what people don’t
ever was for me here’s what people don’t
ever was for me here’s what people don’t tell you about building a community like
tell you about building a community like
tell you about building a community like this it is definitely not all sunbeams
this it is definitely not all sunbeams
this it is definitely not all sunbeams and rainbows every kind email I received
and rainbows every kind email I received
and rainbows every kind email I received from one of my readers there are five
from one of my readers there are five
from one of my readers there are five more waiting in my inbox telling me that
more waiting in my inbox telling me that
more waiting in my inbox telling me that I need to just get over it or that I
I need to just get over it or that I
I need to just get over it or that I should think positive or that it’s all
should think positive or that it’s all
should think positive or that it’s all in my head or my favourites at least I
in my head or my favourites at least I
in my head or my favourites at least I don’t have AIDS the ignorance is just as
don’t have AIDS the ignorance is just as
don’t have AIDS the ignorance is just as rampant in real life both for myself and
rampant in real life both for myself and
rampant in real life both for myself and for the readers who’ve written in to
for the readers who’ve written in to
for the readers who’ve written in to share their experiences and I know that
share their experiences and I know that
share their experiences and I know that what I face is just a fraction and yet I
what I face is just a fraction and yet I
what I face is just a fraction and yet I think it’s worth it if only for
think it’s worth it if only for
think it’s worth it if only for everything that the words have brought
everything that the words have brought
everything that the words have brought me and my readers for the friendships
me and my readers for the friendships
me and my readers for the friendships that I formed for every way that the
that I formed for every way that the
that I formed for every way that the words have served as a bridge to feeling
words have served as a bridge to feeling
words have served as a bridge to feeling okay again what I’m learning is that my
okay again what I’m learning is that my
okay again what I’m learning is that my stories are our stories when I was
stories are our stories when I was
stories are our stories when I was diagnosed the closest people to me who
diagnosed the closest people to me who
diagnosed the closest people to me who understood what I was going through or
understood what I was going through or
understood what I was going through or Sylvia Plath and Ernest Hemingway it is
Sylvia Plath and Ernest Hemingway it is
Sylvia Plath and Ernest Hemingway it is not hyperbole to say that those words
not hyperbole to say that those words
not hyperbole to say that those words saved my life a thousand times over they
saved my life a thousand times over they
saved my life a thousand times over they talked me down from
talked me down from
talked me down from allege I chose this life so many times
allege I chose this life so many times
allege I chose this life so many times only for the sake of a single poem or an
only for the sake of a single poem or an
only for the sake of a single poem or an essay that I loved and wanted to stick
essay that I loved and wanted to stick
essay that I loved and wanted to stick around to read again these days I’m
around to read again these days I’m
around to read again these days I’m lucky enough to have more than that a
lucky enough to have more than that a
lucky enough to have more than that a community of readers hundreds of people
community of readers hundreds of people
community of readers hundreds of people who I know I can mess it at a moment’s
who I know I can mess it at a moment’s
who I know I can mess it at a moment’s notice
notice
notice who know exactly what to say to calm me
who know exactly what to say to calm me
who know exactly what to say to calm me down and more importantly people who
down and more importantly people who
down and more importantly people who know that they can do the same for me
know that they can do the same for me
know that they can do the same for me there are so many who sent me
there are so many who sent me
there are so many who sent me photographs of lines from my poetry
photographs of lines from my poetry
photographs of lines from my poetry tattooed on who’ve told me how my works
tattooed on who’ve told me how my works
tattooed on who’ve told me how my works have pushed them to attend therapy who
have pushed them to attend therapy who
have pushed them to attend therapy who forwarded my blog to friends and family
forwarded my blog to friends and family
forwarded my blog to friends and family who desperately want to understand what
who desperately want to understand what
who desperately want to understand what they are going through what older
they are going through what older
they are going through what older literature did for me my words are doing
literature did for me my words are doing
literature did for me my words are doing for them talking them through the storm
for them talking them through the storm
for them talking them through the storm catching them before they hit the bottom
you see words are not enough to cure the
you see words are not enough to cure the pain that exists in my head and then so
pain that exists in my head and then so
pain that exists in my head and then so many others but they are enough to
many others but they are enough to
many others but they are enough to remind us that every part of us even the
remind us that every part of us even the
remind us that every part of us even the parts that are illnesses trick us into
parts that are illnesses trick us into
parts that are illnesses trick us into despising is trying so hard to keep us
despising is trying so hard to keep us
despising is trying so hard to keep us going through the fog the words turn our
going through the fog the words turn our
going through the fog the words turn our pain from horror into tenderness they
pain from horror into tenderness they
pain from horror into tenderness they remind us that every part of us is
remind us that every part of us is
remind us that every part of us is trying to keep us going people fall
trying to keep us going people fall
trying to keep us going people fall mental illness is perhaps the most
mental illness is perhaps the most
mental illness is perhaps the most isolating thing in the universe and it
isolating thing in the universe and it
isolating thing in the universe and it is absolutely essential to hear from
is absolutely essential to hear from
is absolutely essential to hear from others who are going through the same
others who are going through the same
others who are going through the same thing we all need to know that even if
thing we all need to know that even if
thing we all need to know that even if only a notion away there’s someone
only a notion away there’s someone
only a notion away there’s someone battling through exactly the same thing
battling through exactly the same thing
battling through exactly the same thing that we are this is how we bandage our
that we are this is how we bandage our
that we are this is how we bandage our wounds together step by step word by
wounds together step by step word by
wounds together step by step word by word we cannot too much to escape the
word we cannot too much to escape the
word we cannot too much to escape the pain that our illness is inflict upon us
pain that our illness is inflict upon us
pain that our illness is inflict upon us but with the words we can tell our
but with the words we can tell our
but with the words we can tell our stories we can ask question
stories we can ask question
stories we can ask question and we can listen with compassion to
and we can listen with compassion to
and we can listen with compassion to their answers we can remind each other
their answers we can remind each other
their answers we can remind each other the demons that we have beaten over and
the demons that we have beaten over and
the demons that we have beaten over and over again we can track we can stand in
over again we can track we can stand in
over again we can track we can stand in solidarity against our illnesses we can
solidarity against our illnesses we can
solidarity against our illnesses we can fight we can hold each other close the
fight we can hold each other close the
fight we can hold each other close the words are lifelines keeping us tethered
words are lifelines keeping us tethered
words are lifelines keeping us tethered to each other
to each other
to each other they remind us how we can be heavy
they remind us how we can be heavy
they remind us how we can be heavy hearted and still shine like lighthouses
hearted and still shine like lighthouses
hearted and still shine like lighthouses how we can be dead tired and still
how we can be dead tired and still
how we can be dead tired and still soldier so yes I am still a work in
soldier so yes I am still a work in
soldier so yes I am still a work in progress but very Elise I’m holding a
progress but very Elise I’m holding a
progress but very Elise I’m holding a pen I’m reading words that make me feel
pen I’m reading words that make me feel
pen I’m reading words that make me feel alive and sharing words that help so
alive and sharing words that help so
alive and sharing words that help so many others in their own battles the
many others in their own battles the
many others in their own battles the words taught Jonah seventy one-year-old
words taught Jonah seventy one-year-old
words taught Jonah seventy one-year-old with depression to begin forgiving it
with depression to begin forgiving it
with depression to begin forgiving it they taught Murray a 49 year old the
they taught Murray a 49 year old the
they taught Murray a 49 year old the bipolar disorder to begin believing that
bipolar disorder to begin believing that
bipolar disorder to begin believing that the universe is built on the faith that
the universe is built on the faith that
the universe is built on the faith that everything will turn out alright in the
everything will turn out alright in the
everything will turn out alright in the end they taught Lily on
end they taught Lily on
end they taught Lily on eighteen-year-old bulimia to begin
eighteen-year-old bulimia to begin
eighteen-year-old bulimia to begin ending the war that she had waged on her
ending the war that she had waged on her
ending the war that she had waged on her body
body
body they tops young a 22 year old with
they tops young a 22 year old with
they tops young a 22 year old with anxiety to begin understanding that
anxiety to begin understanding that
anxiety to begin understanding that softness exists everywhere
softness exists everywhere
softness exists everywhere if only he looks close they tatiana an
if only he looks close they tatiana an
if only he looks close they tatiana an 11 year old with PTSD to begin grounding
11 year old with PTSD to begin grounding
11 year old with PTSD to begin grounding herself in a world where no one else but
herself in a world where no one else but
herself in a world where no one else but the words can understand the horrors
the words can understand the horrors
the words can understand the horrors that she’s seen they taught diego an 80
that she’s seen they taught diego an 80
that she’s seen they taught diego an 80 year old with social phobia to begin
year old with social phobia to begin
year old with social phobia to begin trusting the outside world they taught
trusting the outside world they taught
trusting the outside world they taught Shawn a 35 year old with OCD to begin
Shawn a 35 year old with OCD to begin
Shawn a 35 year old with OCD to begin finding beauty in asymmetry and they are
finding beauty in asymmetry and they are
finding beauty in asymmetry and they are teaching me that the words you are not
teaching me that the words you are not
teaching me that the words you are not alone
alone
alone are the softest and most powerful that I
are the softest and most powerful that I
are the softest and most powerful that I could hope to wheel I think that is what
could hope to wheel I think that is what
could hope to wheel I think that is what they call healing and so to conclude
they call healing and so to conclude
they call healing and so to conclude this talk of mine I would like to share
this talk of mine I would like to share
this talk of mine I would like to share with you a poem about my own journey
with you a poem about my own journey
with you a poem about my own journey with mental illness it is called faith
there’s this religion I know of in which
there’s this religion I know of in which every morning I wake up and I am NOT sad
every morning I wake up and I am NOT sad
every morning I wake up and I am NOT sad my temple no longer propped up by Prozac
my temple no longer propped up by Prozac
my temple no longer propped up by Prozac but molded into the shape of a heart
but molded into the shape of a heart
but molded into the shape of a heart that wants to keep beating that yearns
that wants to keep beating that yearns
that wants to keep beating that yearns to live the dreaming the emptiness in my
to live the dreaming the emptiness in my
to live the dreaming the emptiness in my head is big enough to stop a clock to
head is big enough to stop a clock to
head is big enough to stop a clock to end a winter but look here is this
end a winter but look here is this
end a winter but look here is this offering of a life a little bit saved a
offering of a life a little bit saved a
offering of a life a little bit saved a shrine to the name of risk scarred yet
shrine to the name of risk scarred yet
shrine to the name of risk scarred yet still diffused in hallelujah there’s
still diffused in hallelujah there’s
still diffused in hallelujah there’s this deity I know of and its name is no
this deity I know of and its name is no
this deity I know of and its name is no I’m not okay but I promise I’m working
I’m not okay but I promise I’m working
I’m not okay but I promise I’m working up to it it’s name is forgiveness that
up to it it’s name is forgiveness that
up to it it’s name is forgiveness that outlast the empty the light is a no
outlast the empty the light is a no
outlast the empty the light is a no hurry to be how but that’s okay
hurry to be how but that’s okay
hurry to be how but that’s okay I’m beginning to trust in the kind of
I’m beginning to trust in the kind of
I’m beginning to trust in the kind of patience that exists when breath is not
patience that exists when breath is not
patience that exists when breath is not a prelude to funeral here’s a prayer in
a prelude to funeral here’s a prayer in
a prelude to funeral here’s a prayer in which every word for lusts is replaced
which every word for lusts is replaced
which every word for lusts is replaced with the word for tomorrow
with the word for tomorrow
with the word for tomorrow silver winter is a sermon of memory in
silver winter is a sermon of memory in
silver winter is a sermon of memory in the body which sings in some strange
the body which sings in some strange
the body which sings in some strange language called hope perhaps one day I
language called hope perhaps one day I
language called hope perhaps one day I will find God and the shards of gentle
will find God and the shards of gentle
will find God and the shards of gentle leftover from all this awakening healing
leftover from all this awakening healing
leftover from all this awakening healing comes slow
comes slow
comes slow little by little morning by morning
little by little morning by morning
little by little morning by morning winter by winter here is religion the
winter by winter here is religion the
winter by winter here is religion the impossible knowing that one of these
impossible knowing that one of these
impossible knowing that one of these days I will wake up and I will not be
days I will wake up and I will not be
days I will wake up and I will not be sad every broken morning is worth happy
sad every broken morning is worth happy
sad every broken morning is worth happy thank you very much
”
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