I’m wondering how many of you have spent any time today just sitting silently I’m
any time today just sitting silently I’m
any time today just sitting silently I’m guessing not very many because silence
guessing not very many because silence
guessing not very many because silence isn’t a priority in our society I
isn’t a priority in our society I
isn’t a priority in our society I remember my daughter saying when she was
remember my daughter saying when she was
remember my daughter saying when she was in college that the only time she had
in college that the only time she had
in college that the only time she had anything approximating privacy or quiet
anything approximating privacy or quiet
anything approximating privacy or quiet was in the shower we are bombarded by
was in the shower we are bombarded by
was in the shower we are bombarded by noise and were constantly in motion the
noise and were constantly in motion the
noise and were constantly in motion the idea of just sitting quietly for a while
idea of just sitting quietly for a while
idea of just sitting quietly for a while and not doing anything
and not doing anything
and not doing anything sounds almost unamerican kind of a
sounds almost unamerican kind of a
sounds almost unamerican kind of a colossal waste of time really but for me
colossal waste of time really but for me
colossal waste of time really but for me silence is essential about 25 years ago
silence is essential about 25 years ago
silence is essential about 25 years ago I was living alone for the first time in
I was living alone for the first time in
I was living alone for the first time in years I noticed that when I was in total
years I noticed that when I was in total
years I noticed that when I was in total silence no music or noise of any kind
silence no music or noise of any kind
silence no music or noise of any kind things began to surface that would
things began to surface that would
things began to surface that would otherwise have remained suppressed
otherwise have remained suppressed
otherwise have remained suppressed ideas questions unfinished business
ideas questions unfinished business
ideas questions unfinished business images memories I found myself reading
images memories I found myself reading
images memories I found myself reading every book I could get my hands on with
every book I could get my hands on with
every book I could get my hands on with the word silence in the title most of
the word silence in the title most of
the word silence in the title most of them talked about the power of being
them talked about the power of being
them talked about the power of being quiet even for a brief time the need to
quiet even for a brief time the need to
quiet even for a brief time the need to watch the effects of silence on my own
watch the effects of silence on my own
watch the effects of silence on my own life became so pressing that I decided I
life became so pressing that I decided I
life became so pressing that I decided I needed to go away for several days and
needed to go away for several days and
needed to go away for several days and just steep myself in quiet I called a
just steep myself in quiet I called a
just steep myself in quiet I called a monastery in Eastern Iowa and explained
monastery in Eastern Iowa and explained
monastery in Eastern Iowa and explained that although I was not Catholic I want
that although I was not Catholic I want
that although I was not Catholic I want a permission to come there for a while
a permission to come there for a while
a permission to come there for a while in exchange for a small donation they
in exchange for a small donation they
in exchange for a small donation they don’t only graciously agree to let me
don’t only graciously agree to let me
don’t only graciously agree to let me come but they offered to pick me up at
come but they offered to pick me up at
come but they offered to pick me up at the bus stop for the next week seven
the bus stop for the next week seven
the bus stop for the next week seven times a day starting at 3:30 in the
times a day starting at 3:30 in the
times a day starting at 3:30 in the morning a bell signaled a service
morning a bell signaled a service
morning a bell signaled a service sometimes just a 10-minute service
sometimes just a 10-minute service
sometimes just a 10-minute service sometimes a full mass instead of using a
sometimes a full mass instead of using a
sometimes a full mass instead of using a watch or a clock I let those bells
watch or a clock I let those bells
watch or a clock I let those bells structure my days during the periods
structure my days during the periods
structure my days during the periods between services I read I took long
between services I read I took long
between services I read I took long walks by myself I wrote in my journal
walks by myself I wrote in my journal
walks by myself I wrote in my journal the monks who lived there and the few
the monks who lived there and the few
the monks who lived there and the few other guests ate their meals in total
other guests ate their meals in total
other guests ate their meals in total silence I learned that there’s a huge
silence I learned that there’s a huge
silence I learned that there’s a huge difference between just eating alone in
difference between just eating alone in
difference between just eating alone in my apartment and eating silently with
my apartment and eating silently with
my apartment and eating silently with deliberation I was always surprised when
deliberation I was always surprised when
deliberation I was always surprised when it was time to go to bed because the
it was time to go to bed because the
it was time to go to bed because the day’s slipped by so quickly my dreams
day’s slipped by so quickly my dreams
day’s slipped by so quickly my dreams were particularly vivid that week I can
were particularly vivid that week I can
were particularly vivid that week I can still remember them so I wrote them down
still remember them so I wrote them down
still remember them so I wrote them down and with the help of one of the monks I
and with the help of one of the monks I
and with the help of one of the monks I worked with them the week was like an
worked with them the week was like an
worked with them the week was like an emotional vacation because I had time to
emotional vacation because I had time to
emotional vacation because I had time to process everything that surfaced and I
process everything that surfaced and I
process everything that surfaced and I was away from the noise and the bustling
was away from the noise and the bustling
was away from the noise and the bustling I didn’t know where all this was leading
I didn’t know where all this was leading
I didn’t know where all this was leading but I felt I was on the right track when
but I felt I was on the right track when
but I felt I was on the right track when I got back to Des Moines I noticed that
I got back to Des Moines I noticed that
I got back to Des Moines I noticed that there were long lines of people at the
there were long lines of people at the
there were long lines of people at the grocery store I had had no contact with
grocery store I had had no contact with
grocery store I had had no contact with the outside world while I was at the
the outside world while I was at the
the outside world while I was at the monastery and I had missed the news that
monastery and I had missed the news that
monastery and I had missed the news that the flood of 93 had left Des Moines with
the flood of 93 had left Des Moines with
the flood of 93 had left Des Moines with no water on my way to pick up water from
no water on my way to pick up water from
no water on my way to pick up water from the National Guard I saw a sign
the National Guard I saw a sign
the National Guard I saw a sign advertising the Des Moines Zen
advertising the Des Moines Zen
advertising the Des Moines Zen meditation center I have not owned a car
meditation center I have not owned a car
meditation center I have not owned a car for thirty years but the Zen Center was
for thirty years but the Zen Center was
for thirty years but the Zen Center was only a mile from my apartment so I knew
only a mile from my apartment so I knew
only a mile from my apartment so I knew I had to find it the following Sunday
I had to find it the following Sunday
I had to find it the following Sunday morning I joined a small group of people
morning I joined a small group of people
morning I joined a small group of people sitting silently on cushions facing a
sitting silently on cushions facing a
sitting silently on cushions facing a wall
wall
wall later over coffee as I was trying to
later over coffee as I was trying to
later over coffee as I was trying to make sense out of the practice Bob an
make sense out of the practice Bob an
make sense out of the practice Bob an experienced meditator and now a good
experienced meditator and now a good
experienced meditator and now a good friend of mine offered some advice just
friend of mine offered some advice just
friend of mine offered some advice just let the weirdness of the experience
let the weirdness of the experience
let the weirdness of the experience carry you through it he said that
carry you through it he said that
carry you through it he said that weirdness has carried me through 24
weirdness has carried me through 24
weirdness has carried me through 24 years Soto Zen meditation has offered a
years Soto Zen meditation has offered a
years Soto Zen meditation has offered a structure that lets me carve out up to
structure that lets me carve out up to
structure that lets me carve out up to 40 minutes a day of silence in an
40 minutes a day of silence in an
40 minutes a day of silence in an otherwise over scheduled life filled
otherwise over scheduled life filled
otherwise over scheduled life filled with multitasking almost immediately
with multitasking almost immediately
with multitasking almost immediately after I began to meditate I noticed that
after I began to meditate I noticed that
after I began to meditate I noticed that I was less angry less frustrated more
I was less angry less frustrated more
I was less angry less frustrated more patient especially in the classroom I
patient especially in the classroom I
patient especially in the classroom I was teaching at risk ninth graders and I
was teaching at risk ninth graders and I
was teaching at risk ninth graders and I noticed that my efforts to remain in the
noticed that my efforts to remain in the
noticed that my efforts to remain in the present moment to focus on what was
present moment to focus on what was
present moment to focus on what was going on with whatever that moment
going on with whatever that moment
going on with whatever that moment brought up resulted in better presence
brought up resulted in better presence
brought up resulted in better presence with each of my students I could be
with each of my students I could be
with each of my students I could be fully with them I was less stressed more
fully with them I was less stressed more
fully with them I was less stressed more engaged I was less reactive and more
engaged I was less reactive and more
engaged I was less reactive and more responsive to what they needed that
responsive to what they needed that
responsive to what they needed that thing I just mentioned about staying in
thing I just mentioned about staying in
thing I just mentioned about staying in the present moment that’s the part
the present moment that’s the part
the present moment that’s the part that’s not so easy the human brain for
that’s not so easy the human brain for
that’s not so easy the human brain for some reason likes to think about the
some reason likes to think about the
some reason likes to think about the past and the future more than it likes
past and the future more than it likes
past and the future more than it likes to stay in the present moment we love to
to stay in the present moment we love to
to stay in the present moment we love to do instant replays of that time that was
do instant replays of that time that was
do instant replays of that time that was so horrific or so exciting that we think
so horrific or so exciting that we think
so horrific or so exciting that we think we need to
we need to
we need to limit or we escape into the future
limit or we escape into the future
limit or we escape into the future perfect time the next meal the birthday
perfect time the next meal the birthday
perfect time the next meal the birthday party or one of my favorites what I’m
party or one of my favorites what I’m
party or one of my favorites what I’m going to do with all that Powerball
going to do with all that Powerball
going to do with all that Powerball money sitting in silence allowed me to
money sitting in silence allowed me to
money sitting in silence allowed me to pay fuller attention to the experience
pay fuller attention to the experience
pay fuller attention to the experience at hand we can get lost in the
at hand we can get lost in the
at hand we can get lost in the anticipation of something that will that
anticipation of something that will that
anticipation of something that will that will happen on Christmas morning but
will happen on Christmas morning but
will happen on Christmas morning but when the moment finally happens we
when the moment finally happens we
when the moment finally happens we realize that it’s never like we
realize that it’s never like we
realize that it’s never like we envisioned it now what is it that we’re
envisioned it now what is it that we’re
envisioned it now what is it that we’re trying to escape when we get out of that
trying to escape when we get out of that
trying to escape when we get out of that present moment some kind of discomfort
present moment some kind of discomfort
present moment some kind of discomfort the media messages in our culture tell
the media messages in our culture tell
the media messages in our culture tell us we should feel good every waking
us we should feel good every waking
us we should feel good every waking moment that if we have the slightest bit
moment that if we have the slightest bit
moment that if we have the slightest bit of discomfort we should take something
of discomfort we should take something
of discomfort we should take something or eat something or drink something
or eat something or drink something
or eat something or drink something or buy something watch something but if
or buy something watch something but if
or buy something watch something but if you’ve been a student or a teacher you
you’ve been a student or a teacher you
you’ve been a student or a teacher you know that it’s often in those moments of
know that it’s often in those moments of
know that it’s often in those moments of discomfort that we learn and grow and
discomfort that we learn and grow and
discomfort that we learn and grow and shift sitting silently in discomfort
shift sitting silently in discomfort
shift sitting silently in discomfort helped me become okay with that state
helped me become okay with that state
helped me become okay with that state and to notice its impermanence to
and to notice its impermanence to
and to notice its impermanence to realize viscerally that nothing lasts
realize viscerally that nothing lasts
realize viscerally that nothing lasts five years ago when my daughter died
five years ago when my daughter died
five years ago when my daughter died from an alcohol and drug overdose
from an alcohol and drug overdose
from an alcohol and drug overdose sitting silently every morning allowed
sitting silently every morning allowed
sitting silently every morning allowed me to watch grief come and go arrived
me to watch grief come and go arrived
me to watch grief come and go arrived sort of like an uninvited guest that
sort of like an uninvited guest that
sort of like an uninvited guest that stayed too long but it also allowed me
stayed too long but it also allowed me
stayed too long but it also allowed me to avoid piling more pain
to avoid piling more pain
to avoid piling more pain what was already there because unlike
what was already there because unlike
what was already there because unlike those media messages silence
those media messages silence
those media messages silence allowed me to try to stop pursuing
allowed me to try to stop pursuing
allowed me to try to stop pursuing pleasure and avoiding pain and instead
pleasure and avoiding pain and instead
pleasure and avoiding pain and instead experience both of them with awareness
experience both of them with awareness
experience both of them with awareness knowing that neither would last
knowing that neither would last
knowing that neither would last permanently our iPhones and our social
permanently our iPhones and our social
permanently our iPhones and our social media put us in contact with dozens if
media put us in contact with dozens if
media put us in contact with dozens if not hundreds of people in a day so it’s
not hundreds of people in a day so it’s
not hundreds of people in a day so it’s easy to lose contact with our own
easy to lose contact with our own
easy to lose contact with our own interiors but a few minutes of silence
interiors but a few minutes of silence
interiors but a few minutes of silence every morning helps unfold the awareness
every morning helps unfold the awareness
every morning helps unfold the awareness that the way I place my shoes by the
that the way I place my shoes by the
that the way I place my shoes by the door or answer an email or fold a towel
door or answer an email or fold a towel
door or answer an email or fold a towel are crucial because those moments can be
are crucial because those moments can be
are crucial because those moments can be satisfying only if they’re done
satisfying only if they’re done
satisfying only if they’re done deliberately with my full attention
deliberately with my full attention
deliberately with my full attention thank you for your full attention
thank you for your full attention
thank you for your full attention [Applause]
”
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