I tried to write it all down everything exactly as it happened but that didn’t
exactly as it happened but that didn’t
exactly as it happened but that didn’t seem truthful because I never got to
seem truthful because I never got to
seem truthful because I never got to experience it like that I know what it
experience it like that I know what it
experience it like that I know what it must have all looked like on the outside
must have all looked like on the outside
must have all looked like on the outside but I never got to see it from that
but I never got to see it from that
but I never got to see it from that perspective you know people will
perspective you know people will
perspective you know people will experience the same event and have
experience the same event and have
experience the same event and have completely different reactions to it
completely different reactions to it
completely different reactions to it trauma is not just an event it is the
trauma is not just an event it is the
trauma is not just an event it is the reality that we create in our heads when
reality that we create in our heads when
reality that we create in our heads when we tell ourselves that our experience
we tell ourselves that our experience
we tell ourselves that our experience does not matter because when everything
does not matter because when everything
does not matter because when everything is taken from you nothing is yours not
is taken from you nothing is yours not
is taken from you nothing is yours not even the truth so here’s mine I’m sorry
even the truth so here’s mine I’m sorry
even the truth so here’s mine I’m sorry I didn’t come back the same I lost my
I didn’t come back the same I lost my
I didn’t come back the same I lost my legs in the war they’re still on his
legs in the war they’re still on his
legs in the war they’re still on his headboard at least he didn’t kill me
headboard at least he didn’t kill me
headboard at least he didn’t kill me just tore me in half it happened one
just tore me in half it happened one
just tore me in half it happened one night he asked me to come inside that’s
night he asked me to come inside that’s
night he asked me to come inside that’s what he did uninvited I still don’t know
what he did uninvited I still don’t know
what he did uninvited I still don’t know how he did it he was a magician in two
how he did it he was a magician in two
how he did it he was a magician in two places at once in control of both of our
places at once in control of both of our
places at once in control of both of our bodies I tried to scream it must have
bodies I tried to scream it must have
bodies I tried to scream it must have sounded like a moan first I blamed
sounded like a moan first I blamed
sounded like a moan first I blamed myself I thought maybe I left the door
myself I thought maybe I left the door
myself I thought maybe I left the door unlocked but he didn’t have a key he had
unlocked but he didn’t have a key he had
unlocked but he didn’t have a key he had a hammer do you ever want to
leave your body unzip it slip it off try
leave your body unzip it slip it off try on a new one I do sometimes but then I
on a new one I do sometimes but then I
on a new one I do sometimes but then I remember I wear mine well even if a few
remember I wear mine well even if a few
remember I wear mine well even if a few of the stains won’t come out I still see
of the stains won’t come out I still see
of the stains won’t come out I still see him some nights when the men undressed
him some nights when the men undressed
him some nights when the men undressed me with their eyes
me with their eyes
me with their eyes I’ll see his shadow undressing me with
I’ll see his shadow undressing me with
I’ll see his shadow undressing me with his hands but so many things remind me
his hands but so many things remind me
his hands but so many things remind me of the war remind me that I could be
of the war remind me that I could be
of the war remind me that I could be drafted again that’s the thing about war
drafted again that’s the thing about war
drafted again that’s the thing about war your body is a battleground but beware
your body is a battleground but beware
your body is a battleground but beware of your own mind who can claim the
of your own mind who can claim the
of your own mind who can claim the captive I was once a prisoner of war in
captive I was once a prisoner of war in
captive I was once a prisoner of war in my own body my soul rattling the bars of
my own body my soul rattling the bars of
my own body my soul rattling the bars of my rib cage with the tin can
my rib cage with the tin can
my rib cage with the tin can every time the guards let somebody in
every time the guards let somebody in
every time the guards let somebody in for a conjugal visit what changed was
for a conjugal visit what changed was
for a conjugal visit what changed was one day I decided to scream back at the
one day I decided to scream back at the
one day I decided to scream back at the voices in my head and to my surprise
voices in my head and to my surprise
voices in my head and to my surprise they set me free unshackled and
they set me free unshackled and
they set me free unshackled and uninhibited I was set free that’s when I
uninhibited I was set free that’s when I
uninhibited I was set free that’s when I realized that we put each other in
realized that we put each other in
realized that we put each other in prisons but lock ourselves up in the
prisons but lock ourselves up in the
prisons but lock ourselves up in the most solitary of all confinements so
most solitary of all confinements so
most solitary of all confinements so many of us are secretly coping with
many of us are secretly coping with
many of us are secretly coping with trauma and it is not right for us to
trauma and it is not right for us to
trauma and it is not right for us to come into this life only to be broken by
come into this life only to be broken by
come into this life only to be broken by its turn of events so I decided that I
its turn of events so I decided that I
its turn of events so I decided that I was too far from finished to feel broken
was too far from finished to feel broken
was too far from finished to feel broken and that’s how I discovered my
and that’s how I discovered my
and that’s how I discovered my superpower and innate ability to conjure
superpower and innate ability to conjure
superpower and innate ability to conjure healing where it didn’t exist
it’s remarkable how 365 days can aid you
it’s remarkable how 365 days can aid you a decade I went through hell and back
a decade I went through hell and back
a decade I went through hell and back last year but now I see that those fires
last year but now I see that those fires
last year but now I see that those fires were not meant to burn me but to forge
were not meant to burn me but to forge
were not meant to burn me but to forge me and those tears they were not meant
me and those tears they were not meant
me and those tears they were not meant to drown me but to baptize me so here I
to drown me but to baptize me so here I
to drown me but to baptize me so here I am reborn and this time it’s the life I
am reborn and this time it’s the life I
am reborn and this time it’s the life I chose
chose
chose [Applause]
”
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