I want you to think back to where you were 5 10 15 years ago what did you want
were 5 10 15 years ago what did you want
were 5 10 15 years ago what did you want and how has that changed and did any of
and how has that changed and did any of
and how has that changed and did any of those carefully crafted plans involve
those carefully crafted plans involve
those carefully crafted plans involve you being here today not just here at
you being here today not just here at
you being here today not just here at this event or here at this University
this event or here at this University
this event or here at this University but here where you are in life right now
but here where you are in life right now
but here where you are in life right now for some of you that answer is going to
for some of you that answer is going to
for some of you that answer is going to be an absolute yes for me it was
be an absolute yes for me it was
be an absolute yes for me it was definitely not growing up I never
definitely not growing up I never
definitely not growing up I never envisioned I could be in a place like
envisioned I could be in a place like
envisioned I could be in a place like this or on a stage like this I fully
this or on a stage like this I fully
this or on a stage like this I fully intended to drop out of high school and
intended to drop out of high school and
intended to drop out of high school and instead ended up at UC Berkeley so if
instead ended up at UC Berkeley so if
instead ended up at UC Berkeley so if you want proof that life does not work
you want proof that life does not work
you want proof that life does not work the way you think it will there’s that
the way you think it will there’s that
the way you think it will there’s that but I think overall things rarely if
but I think overall things rarely if
but I think overall things rarely if ever go according to plan
ever go according to plan
ever go according to plan and I’m here to tell you why that’s ok
and I’m here to tell you why that’s ok
and I’m here to tell you why that’s ok so let me take you back 15 years ago I
so let me take you back 15 years ago I
so let me take you back 15 years ago I was boarding a flight to India for the
was boarding a flight to India for the
was boarding a flight to India for the first time I was thrilled because I
first time I was thrilled because I
first time I was thrilled because I wanted to be a pilot that was my grand
wanted to be a pilot that was my grand
wanted to be a pilot that was my grand plan I was also a stubborn kid so after
plan I was also a stubborn kid so after
plan I was also a stubborn kid so after an hour of hearing me asked if I could
an hour of hearing me asked if I could
an hour of hearing me asked if I could meet the pilots at the 45th time I think
meet the pilots at the 45th time I think
meet the pilots at the 45th time I think the flight attendant got the hint and
the flight attendant got the hint and
the flight attendant got the hint and asked if maybe I’d like to do that and
asked if maybe I’d like to do that and
asked if maybe I’d like to do that and so I was over the moon I went and said
so I was over the moon I went and said
so I was over the moon I went and said hello but in my mind the being a pilot
hello but in my mind the being a pilot
hello but in my mind the being a pilot started right then this was the
started right then this was the
started right then this was the interview so not only did I say hello I
interview so not only did I say hello I
interview so not only did I say hello I gave them my full government name my
gave them my full government name my
gave them my full government name my date of birth my favorite color my first
date of birth my favorite color my first
date of birth my favorite color my first grade teachers name in case they wanted
grade teachers name in case they wanted
grade teachers name in case they wanted any references
any references
any references it was a little bit extra and as life
it was a little bit extra and as life
it was a little bit extra and as life does life happens and a week later I got
does life happens and a week later I got
does life happens and a week later I got my first pair of glasses which is what
my first pair of glasses which is what
my first pair of glasses which is what happens when you read in the car and
happens when you read in the car and
happens when you read in the car and under the covers and in the bathroom and
under the covers and in the bathroom and
under the covers and in the bathroom and pretty much everywhere else so my dream
pretty much everywhere else so my dream
pretty much everywhere else so my dream of being a pilot ended the reading habit
of being a pilot ended the reading habit
of being a pilot ended the reading habit and the glass is stuck so fast-forward
and the glass is stuck so fast-forward
and the glass is stuck so fast-forward five years to fifth grade and now a
five years to fifth grade and now a
five years to fifth grade and now a precocious ten-year-old I had a bowl cut
precocious ten-year-old I had a bowl cut
precocious ten-year-old I had a bowl cut which was a look so between that and the
which was a look so between that and the
which was a look so between that and the round frame glasses I was really putting
round frame glasses I was really putting
round frame glasses I was really putting together an aesthetic that was equal
together an aesthetic that was equal
together an aesthetic that was equal parts Harry Potter meets painfully
parts Harry Potter meets painfully
parts Harry Potter meets painfully awkward brown boy this was around the
awkward brown boy this was around the
awkward brown boy this was around the time that I realized my brain was
time that I realized my brain was
time that I realized my brain was starting to work a little bit
starting to work a little bit
starting to work a little bit differently and sometimes that was
differently and sometimes that was
differently and sometimes that was really cool I would remember pictures
really cool I would remember pictures
really cool I would remember pictures and images or snippets of words and be
and images or snippets of words and be
and images or snippets of words and be able to spell them and they would be
able to spell them and they would be
able to spell them and they would be tricky ones like ameliorate or
tricky ones like ameliorate or
tricky ones like ameliorate or convalescence and I would have seen them
convalescence and I would have seen them
convalescence and I would have seen them in a book or on a billboard or probably
in a book or on a billboard or probably
in a book or on a billboard or probably in a book I’ve never seen a billboard
in a book I’ve never seen a billboard
in a book I’ve never seen a billboard use ameliorate but is that was
use ameliorate but is that was
use ameliorate but is that was interesting that led me to conclude that
interesting that led me to conclude that
interesting that led me to conclude that I was never going to study for a
I was never going to study for a
I was never going to study for a spelling test again which set the stage
spelling test again which set the stage
spelling test again which set the stage for a vicious procrastination habit I
for a vicious procrastination habit I
for a vicious procrastination habit I have never really been able to break it
have never really been able to break it
have never really been able to break it worked well because at the time my new
worked well because at the time my new
worked well because at the time my new plan was to be a writer I’m terrible
plan was to be a writer I’m terrible
plan was to be a writer I’m terrible with deadlines spend more time talking
with deadlines spend more time talking
with deadlines spend more time talking you know in my books than talking to
you know in my books than talking to
you know in my books than talking to real human beings so it seemed to work
real human beings so it seemed to work
real human beings so it seemed to work well but there were there were less
well but there were there were less
well but there were there were less ideal changes to organization became a
ideal changes to organization became a
ideal changes to organization became a nightmare my backpack very quickly
nightmare my backpack very quickly
nightmare my backpack very quickly became a black hole into which homework
became a black hole into which homework
became a black hole into which homework report cards tests went in some magic
report cards tests went in some magic
report cards tests went in some magic happened and then excuses came out at
happened and then excuses came out at
happened and then excuses came out at home despite my best efforts to be
home despite my best efforts to be
home despite my best efforts to be productive I would spend 4 and a half
productive I would spend 4 and a half
productive I would spend 4 and a half hours zoning out and zone back in
hours zoning out and zone back in
hours zoning out and zone back in realizing that I was reading about
realizing that I was reading about
realizing that I was reading about greco-roman architecture which no
greco-roman architecture which no
greco-roman architecture which no offense to any architecture majors in
offense to any architecture majors in
offense to any architecture majors in the audience but I’ve never used in my
the audience but I’ve never used in my
the audience but I’ve never used in my life and this this set a pretty
life and this this set a pretty
life and this this set a pretty repetitive common theme I would show up
repetitive common theme I would show up
repetitive common theme I would show up do well in some tests lose literally all
do well in some tests lose literally all
do well in some tests lose literally all of my work have a very stern
of my work have a very stern
of my work have a very stern parent-teacher conference promise to be
parent-teacher conference promise to be
parent-teacher conference promise to be better and nothing would really change
better and nothing would really change
better and nothing would really change so let’s jump up the timeline again it’s
so let’s jump up the timeline again it’s
so let’s jump up the timeline again it’s 8th grade at this point things weren’t
8th grade at this point things weren’t
8th grade at this point things weren’t great at home
great at home
great at home mom and I were fighting every day as 13
mom and I were fighting every day as 13
mom and I were fighting every day as 13 year olds and their mothers do I think
year olds and their mothers do I think
year olds and their mothers do I think what is less common is is running away
what is less common is is running away
what is less common is is running away from home and coming home to find
from home and coming home to find
from home and coming home to find truancy officers on the couch that’s not
truancy officers on the couch that’s not
truancy officers on the couch that’s not really part of the plan in school things
really part of the plan in school things
really part of the plan in school things were equally interesting I supposedly
were equally interesting I supposedly
were equally interesting I supposedly the budding writer failed my first class
the budding writer failed my first class
the budding writer failed my first class that year what class English eighth
that year what class English eighth
that year what class English eighth grade was when I realized that for the
grade was when I realized that for the
grade was when I realized that for the first time if I told half-decent jokes
first time if I told half-decent jokes
first time if I told half-decent jokes people might like me I realized this
people might like me I realized this
people might like me I realized this because I was being really really
because I was being really really
because I was being really really severely bullied at the time so for any
severely bullied at the time so for any
severely bullied at the time so for any stand-up comics or stand-up comics to be
stand-up comics or stand-up comics to be
stand-up comics or stand-up comics to be in the audience they tell you jump in
in the audience they tell you jump in
in the audience they tell you jump in feet first face first into comedy just
feet first face first into comedy just
feet first face first into comedy just do it so firmly jumping in was telling a
do it so firmly jumping in was telling a
do it so firmly jumping in was telling a joke to the very large young man
joke to the very large young man
joke to the very large young man threatening to give me a swirly for
threatening to give me a swirly for
threatening to give me a swirly for those of you who do not know what it’s
those of you who do not know what it’s
those of you who do not know what it’s whirly is you are blessed it is a very
whirly is you are blessed it is a very
whirly is you are blessed it is a very personal intimate introduction to your
personal intimate introduction to your
personal intimate introduction to your school’s plumbing system so you know I
school’s plumbing system so you know I
school’s plumbing system so you know I found my comedic voice and narrowly
found my comedic voice and narrowly
found my comedic voice and narrowly avoided finding myself face-first in a
avoided finding myself face-first in a
avoided finding myself face-first in a toilet and I loved it the comedy not the
toilet and I loved it the comedy not the
toilet and I loved it the comedy not the toilet but yeah between my latest so
toilet but yeah between my latest so
toilet but yeah between my latest so that became the the new the new plan the
that became the the new the new plan the
that became the the new the new plan the new goal was to be a stand-up comic and
new goal was to be a stand-up comic and
new goal was to be a stand-up comic and between you know those career
between you know those career
between you know those career aspirations and my failing report cards
aspirations and my failing report cards
aspirations and my failing report cards you can imagine that my mom was thrilled
you can imagine that my mom was thrilled
you can imagine that my mom was thrilled eighth grade was the first year she
eighth grade was the first year she
eighth grade was the first year she threatened to ship me off to India to
threatened to ship me off to India to
threatened to ship me off to India to live with my dad which as you will soon
live with my dad which as you will soon
live with my dad which as you will soon come to discover really does happen
come to discover really does happen
come to discover really does happen that’s not just a threat but at the time
that’s not just a threat but at the time
that’s not just a threat but at the time it felt a little excessive so I got my
it felt a little excessive so I got my
it felt a little excessive so I got my newfound friends to tape together some
newfound friends to tape together some
newfound friends to tape together some a3 sized sheets of paper and scroll
a3 sized sheets of paper and scroll
a3 sized sheets of paper and scroll please don’t make too char move came
please don’t make too char move came
please don’t make too char move came home and I was like take that mom
home and I was like take that mom
home and I was like take that mom so I got off easy that year and a couple
so I got off easy that year and a couple
so I got off easy that year and a couple years a couple years later it’s a
years a couple years later it’s a
years a couple years later it’s a sophomore year of high school which is
sophomore year of high school which is
sophomore year of high school which is really when any semblance of a plan fell
really when any semblance of a plan fell
really when any semblance of a plan fell apart school somehow had managed to
apart school somehow had managed to
apart school somehow had managed to still yet get worse I was struggling to
still yet get worse I was struggling to
still yet get worse I was struggling to pass any of my classes
pass any of my classes
pass any of my classes when I went when I didn’t i divided my
when I went when I didn’t i divided my
when I went when I didn’t i divided my time between in-school suspension and
time between in-school suspension and
time between in-school suspension and school detention and Saturday school and
school detention and Saturday school and
school detention and Saturday school and the remainder of my time I spent doing
the remainder of my time I spent doing
the remainder of my time I spent doing something I really loved I spent my time
something I really loved I spent my time
something I really loved I spent my time playing music I was playing piano every
playing music I was playing piano every
playing music I was playing piano every day in the school often at times when
day in the school often at times when
day in the school often at times when I’m supposed to be in the class and and
I’m supposed to be in the class and and
I’m supposed to be in the class and and that became my escape music became my
that became my escape music became my
that became my escape music became my escape I would stop taking the bus home
escape I would stop taking the bus home
escape I would stop taking the bus home to stay two hours every day with the
to stay two hours every day with the
to stay two hours every day with the best friend and and practice Juilliard
best friend and and practice Juilliard
best friend and and practice Juilliard the Juilliard School became my new pipe
the Juilliard School became my new pipe
the Juilliard School became my new pipe dream unfortunately along the way I
dream unfortunately along the way I
dream unfortunately along the way I ended up failing all my classes which
ended up failing all my classes which
ended up failing all my classes which will throw a wrench in things so one day
will throw a wrench in things so one day
will throw a wrench in things so one day I woke up to find my dad at the door he
I woke up to find my dad at the door he
I woke up to find my dad at the door he lives overseas in India so that was when
lives overseas in India so that was when
lives overseas in India so that was when I knew I was in trouble but I was
I knew I was in trouble but I was
I knew I was in trouble but I was expecting like you’re grounded
expecting like you’re grounded
expecting like you’re grounded get it together time it turns out that
get it together time it turns out that
get it together time it turns out that parents do not fly 7,000 miles across
parents do not fly 7,000 miles across
parents do not fly 7,000 miles across the world to ground you so we went out
the world to ground you so we went out
the world to ground you so we went out to coffee went out to Caribou and we
to coffee went out to Caribou and we
to coffee went out to Caribou and we were all sitting there and everybody was
were all sitting there and everybody was
were all sitting there and everybody was being painfully silent and painfully
being painfully silent and painfully
being painfully silent and painfully nice and so finally I asked what boats
nice and so finally I asked what boats
nice and so finally I asked what boats what’s the deal here and so in response
what’s the deal here and so in response
what’s the deal here and so in response my dad pulled out an itinerary put it on
my dad pulled out an itinerary put it on
my dad pulled out an itinerary put it on the table and just slid it it was really
the table and just slid it it was really
the table and just slid it it was really smooth just slid it across the table and
smooth just slid it across the table and
smooth just slid it across the table and there’s like you’re going so let me tell
there’s like you’re going so let me tell
there’s like you’re going so let me tell you I’ve never been back to Caribou
you I’ve never been back to Caribou
you I’ve never been back to Caribou since but that was that was a plan when
since but that was that was a plan when
since but that was that was a plan when I was I was going and when I left the
I was I was going and when I left the
I was I was going and when I left the country the highest grade I had this is
country the highest grade I had this is
country the highest grade I had this is not an exaggeration the highest grade I
not an exaggeration the highest grade I
not an exaggeration the highest grade I had was a d-minus in Spanish – and ten
had was a d-minus in Spanish – and ten
had was a d-minus in Spanish – and ten FS I can’t make that up and so I needed
FS I can’t make that up and so I needed
FS I can’t make that up and so I needed to go for so many reasons I needed to go
to go for so many reasons I needed to go
to go for so many reasons I needed to go and I often asked myself why how did it
and I often asked myself why how did it
and I often asked myself why how did it get to this how did this happen and part
get to this how did this happen and part
get to this how did this happen and part of it I would later come to learn is
of it I would later come to learn is
of it I would later come to learn is that I was expressing early stage March
that I was expressing early stage March
that I was expressing early stage March markers for ADHD my inability to stay
markers for ADHD my inability to stay
markers for ADHD my inability to stay focused a tendency to hyper focus often
focused a tendency to hyper focus often
focused a tendency to hyper focus often on bridges
on bridges
on bridges inability to sit still an organizational
inability to sit still an organizational
inability to sit still an organizational nightmare a lot of it made sense a lot
nightmare a lot of it made sense a lot
nightmare a lot of it made sense a lot of it made a lot more sense but I don’t
of it made a lot more sense but I don’t
of it made a lot more sense but I don’t think that was all of it for my psych
think that was all of it for my psych
think that was all of it for my psych majors in the crowd you’ll be familiar
majors in the crowd you’ll be familiar
majors in the crowd you’ll be familiar with the concept of cognitive dissonance
with the concept of cognitive dissonance
with the concept of cognitive dissonance it’s the idea that when you’re faced
it’s the idea that when you’re faced
it’s the idea that when you’re faced with a set of circumstances that make
with a set of circumstances that make
with a set of circumstances that make you uncomfortable you can do a couple of
you uncomfortable you can do a couple of
you uncomfortable you can do a couple of things you can deny them outright you
things you can deny them outright you
things you can deny them outright you can change your beliefs and expectations
can change your beliefs and expectations
can change your beliefs and expectations or you can change your circumstances and
or you can change your circumstances and
or you can change your circumstances and I felt a sense of helplessness at my
I felt a sense of helplessness at my
I felt a sense of helplessness at my failure is and the fact that I thought I
failure is and the fact that I thought I
failure is and the fact that I thought I couldn’t change them so I got
couldn’t change them so I got
couldn’t change them so I got comfortable I rationalized I said I
comfortable I rationalized I said I
comfortable I rationalized I said I didn’t really care I justified it
didn’t really care I justified it
didn’t really care I justified it there’s a a Saabs parable I believe it’s
there’s a a Saabs parable I believe it’s
there’s a a Saabs parable I believe it’s a fox that’s trying to eat a bunch of
a fox that’s trying to eat a bunch of
a fox that’s trying to eat a bunch of grapes on a grape vine I’m not entirely
grapes on a grape vine I’m not entirely
grapes on a grape vine I’m not entirely sure why Aesop’s parables include a
sure why Aesop’s parables include a
sure why Aesop’s parables include a vegan Fox but we’ll let that slide so
vegan Fox but we’ll let that slide so
vegan Fox but we’ll let that slide so the Fox is trying to get the grapes
the Fox is trying to get the grapes
the Fox is trying to get the grapes they’re way too high and so it convinces
they’re way too high and so it convinces
they’re way too high and so it convinces itself it’s not worth it I don’t need it
itself it’s not worth it I don’t need it
itself it’s not worth it I don’t need it they’re probably sour anyway and I think
they’re probably sour anyway and I think
they’re probably sour anyway and I think people are like that we are dangerously
people are like that we are dangerously
people are like that we are dangerously good at talking ourselves out of the
good at talking ourselves out of the
good at talking ourselves out of the things that we want and the things that
things that we want and the things that
things that we want and the things that we deserve and that is one of the single
we deserve and that is one of the single
we deserve and that is one of the single most dangerous ways to kill your dreams
most dangerous ways to kill your dreams
most dangerous ways to kill your dreams you say I don’t want this I don’t need
you say I don’t want this I don’t need
you say I don’t want this I don’t need this I can’t ask for this and it works
this I can’t ask for this and it works
this I can’t ask for this and it works and so that’s what I did and then I got
and so that’s what I did and then I got
and so that’s what I did and then I got to India India was a clean slate in
to India India was a clean slate in
to India India was a clean slate in every sense of the word
every sense of the word
every sense of the word literally it was a new continent a new
literally it was a new continent a new
literally it was a new continent a new country a new city a new school a new
country a new city a new school a new
country a new city a new school a new family a new home so that’s about the
family a new home so that’s about the
family a new home so that’s about the fresh start you get let’s see the school
fresh start you get let’s see the school
fresh start you get let’s see the school they had just opened and they
they had just opened and they
they had just opened and they desperately needed students so their big
desperately needed students so their big
desperately needed students so their big pitch to me was look it’s going to be
pitch to me was look it’s going to be
pitch to me was look it’s going to be you and all girls in the grade so I was
you and all girls in the grade so I was
you and all girls in the grade so I was sold what they did not tell me was that
sold what they did not tell me was that
sold what they did not tell me was that the entire grade was going to be nine
the entire grade was going to be nine
the entire grade was going to be nine kids so I came from a class of 900 and I
kids so I came from a class of 900 and I
kids so I came from a class of 900 and I got there and absolutely will where’s
got there and absolutely will where’s
got there and absolutely will where’s the rest of the grade and they said well
the rest of the grade and they said well
the rest of the grade and they said well welcome this is the rest of the grade I
welcome this is the rest of the grade I
welcome this is the rest of the grade I said oh so that was a change if you ever
said oh so that was a change if you ever
said oh so that was a change if you ever want an example of creative chaos across
want an example of creative chaos across
want an example of creative chaos across the street in New Delhi you will see
the street in New Delhi you will see
the street in New Delhi you will see diversity and disparity and insanity in
diversity and disparity and insanity in
diversity and disparity and insanity in two lanes you will see people being
two lanes you will see people being
two lanes you will see people being chauffeured to and from private schools
chauffeured to and from private schools
chauffeured to and from private schools in Bentley’s you will
in Bentley’s you will
in Bentley’s you will see vehicles that are definitely not
see vehicles that are definitely not
see vehicles that are definitely not legal to be on the road you will hear
legal to be on the road you will hear
legal to be on the road you will hear curse words in 10 different languages
curse words in 10 different languages
curse words in 10 different languages you will see that traffic rules and
you will see that traffic rules and
you will see that traffic rules and pedestrians rights are guidelines but
pedestrians rights are guidelines but
pedestrians rights are guidelines but despite this seemingly insane system it
despite this seemingly insane system it
despite this seemingly insane system it works India worked for me and I think
works India worked for me and I think
works India worked for me and I think it’s so much more than this Nat Geo
it’s so much more than this Nat Geo
it’s so much more than this Nat Geo Slumdog Millionaire exotic world it is
Slumdog Millionaire exotic world it is
Slumdog Millionaire exotic world it is really much deeper than that and much
really much deeper than that and much
really much deeper than that and much more meaningful and for me it was a
more meaningful and for me it was a
more meaningful and for me it was a fresh lease on life I got a chance to
fresh lease on life I got a chance to
fresh lease on life I got a chance to reconnect with my father and my family I
reconnect with my father and my family I
reconnect with my father and my family I got a chance to travel the country I was
got a chance to travel the country I was
got a chance to travel the country I was born in and see the Himalayas in the Taj
born in and see the Himalayas in the Taj
born in and see the Himalayas in the Taj Mahal I got a chance to hear the Dalai
Mahal I got a chance to hear the Dalai
Mahal I got a chance to hear the Dalai Lama speak and I think for the first
Lama speak and I think for the first
Lama speak and I think for the first time in years I enjoyed going to school
time in years I enjoyed going to school
time in years I enjoyed going to school again I found teachers and mentors and
again I found teachers and mentors and
again I found teachers and mentors and educators who changed the way I looked
educators who changed the way I looked
educators who changed the way I looked at subjects and the way I looked at
at subjects and the way I looked at
at subjects and the way I looked at school and I found that in the process
school and I found that in the process
school and I found that in the process of all this I dropped this need this
of all this I dropped this need this
of all this I dropped this need this facade this cynical of an edgy teen and
facade this cynical of an edgy teen and
facade this cynical of an edgy teen and I just liked it I enjoyed it again and
I just liked it I enjoyed it again and
I just liked it I enjoyed it again and so when the end-of-term examinations
so when the end-of-term examinations
so when the end-of-term examinations came around for the first time in half a
came around for the first time in half a
came around for the first time in half a decade I was the top of my class and I
decade I was the top of my class and I
decade I was the top of my class and I remember getting that call and running
remember getting that call and running
remember getting that call and running around the house screaming at the top of
around the house screaming at the top of
around the house screaming at the top of my lungs out of joy you know nothing
my lungs out of joy you know nothing
my lungs out of joy you know nothing else but and everyone was looking at me
else but and everyone was looking at me
else but and everyone was looking at me like are you really alright but I think
like are you really alright but I think
like are you really alright but I think success is like that it is exhilarating
success is like that it is exhilarating
success is like that it is exhilarating it is addictive it will keep you coming
it is addictive it will keep you coming
it is addictive it will keep you coming back time and again and so a couple
back time and again and so a couple
back time and again and so a couple years later I did it again and then I
years later I did it again and then I
years later I did it again and then I thought about four seriously for the
thought about four seriously for the
thought about four seriously for the first time applying to school going to
first time applying to school going to
first time applying to school going to college so I did the first school to
college so I did the first school to
college so I did the first school to reject me was this one
and eventually I ended up getting into
and eventually I ended up getting into Berkeley which was surreal for me I you
Berkeley which was surreal for me I you
Berkeley which was surreal for me I you have to understand a few years ago I was
have to understand a few years ago I was
have to understand a few years ago I was planning to drop out and to go from that
planning to drop out and to go from that
planning to drop out and to go from that to this kind of success the top of the
to this kind of success the top of the
to this kind of success the top of the class was going going to Cal was
class was going going to Cal was
class was going going to Cal was life-changing it felt unbelievable and
life-changing it felt unbelievable and
life-changing it felt unbelievable and so my first two years in California were
so my first two years in California were
so my first two years in California were a dream there was a new plan I was
a dream there was a new plan I was
a dream there was a new plan I was working in a legal clinic I was getting
working in a legal clinic I was getting
working in a legal clinic I was getting ready to run for student government I
ready to run for student government I
ready to run for student government I was checking all these neat little boxes
was checking all these neat little boxes
was checking all these neat little boxes in my plan to go be a star lawyer and
in my plan to go be a star lawyer and
in my plan to go be a star lawyer and things are great
things are great
things are great you know until until they weren’t
you know until until they weren’t
you know until until they weren’t clinical depression has a few key
clinical depression has a few key
clinical depression has a few key warning signs if you find that you are
warning signs if you find that you are
warning signs if you find that you are missing calls from your friends and
missing calls from your friends and
missing calls from your friends and family if you find that you’re sleeping
family if you find that you’re sleeping
family if you find that you’re sleeping for 35 hours at a stretch if you find
for 35 hours at a stretch if you find
for 35 hours at a stretch if you find that you are drunk before 11:00 a.m. on
that you are drunk before 11:00 a.m. on
that you are drunk before 11:00 a.m. on a Monday morning and it’s not unofficial
a Monday morning and it’s not unofficial
a Monday morning and it’s not unofficial weekend think about it and so for me I
weekend think about it and so for me I
weekend think about it and so for me I realized it it was that uh it was at a
realized it it was that uh it was at a
realized it it was that uh it was at a friend’s birthday party she had just
friend’s birthday party she had just
friend’s birthday party she had just turned 21 at her apartment and she put
turned 21 at her apartment and she put
turned 21 at her apartment and she put up signs you know go left four shots go
up signs you know go left four shots go
up signs you know go left four shots go right four beers go straight to find out
right four beers go straight to find out
right four beers go straight to find out what’s in the jungle juice uh and I
what’s in the jungle juice uh and I
what’s in the jungle juice uh and I think in that moment I realized I would
think in that moment I realized I would
think in that moment I realized I would rather just go home and die instead and
rather just go home and die instead and
rather just go home and die instead and that was a year ago and in the year I’ve
that was a year ago and in the year I’ve
that was a year ago and in the year I’ve taken a much-needed yeah I much needed
taken a much-needed yeah I much needed
taken a much-needed yeah I much needed time off I have opened up to my friends
time off I have opened up to my friends
time off I have opened up to my friends and family about what’s been going on
and family about what’s been going on
and family about what’s been going on and gotten better which is a daily
and gotten better which is a daily
and gotten better which is a daily process I found new ways to learn and
process I found new ways to learn and
process I found new ways to learn and think and grow and give back I have
think and grow and give back I have
think and grow and give back I have worked retail which has taught me that I
worked retail which has taught me that I
worked retail which has taught me that I really don’t know how to fold clothes as
really don’t know how to fold clothes as
really don’t know how to fold clothes as well as I would like you know I’ve
well as I would like you know I’ve
well as I would like you know I’ve gotten the chance to write yet paid for
gotten the chance to write yet paid for
gotten the chance to write yet paid for I think most importantly and most
I think most importantly and most
I think most importantly and most meaningful has been the chance to work
meaningful has been the chance to work
meaningful has been the chance to work with students who are a lot like me
with students who are a lot like me
with students who are a lot like me students who have ADHD who have comorbid
students who have ADHD who have comorbid
students who have ADHD who have comorbid conditions who are struggling in many of
conditions who are struggling in many of
conditions who are struggling in many of the same ways that I did and so I’ve
the same ways that I did and so I’ve
the same ways that I did and so I’ve seen a lot of backpacks that look like
seen a lot of backpacks that look like
seen a lot of backpacks that look like black holes and a lot of transcripts
black holes and a lot of transcripts
black holes and a lot of transcripts with efforts on them but it has been
with efforts on them but it has been
with efforts on them but it has been empowering the chance to help people
empowering the chance to help people
empowering the chance to help people take control of their education and not
take control of their education and not
take control of their education and not be a victim to their circumstances and
be a victim to their circumstances and
be a victim to their circumstances and so today I’m getting ready to go back to
so today I’m getting ready to go back to
so today I’m getting ready to go back to school and graduate but despite all of
school and graduate but despite all of
school and graduate but despite all of this despite having this neat cute
this despite having this neat cute
this despite having this neat cute little plan there’s one thing we’ve
little plan there’s one thing we’ve
little plan there’s one thing we’ve learned
learned
learned plans change you can make plan after
plans change you can make plan after
plans change you can make plan after plan after plan and life will still
plan after plan and life will still
plan after plan and life will still happen
happen
happen so what then I mean I don’t think it
so what then I mean I don’t think it
so what then I mean I don’t think it stops it oh no life happens what do we
stops it oh no life happens what do we
stops it oh no life happens what do we do there there’s a point in every system
do there there’s a point in every system
do there there’s a point in every system it’s known as the edge of chaos it is
it’s known as the edge of chaos it is
it’s known as the edge of chaos it is the point between total order and total
the point between total order and total
the point between total order and total disorder between complete chaos and
disorder between complete chaos and
disorder between complete chaos and neurotically planned existence and don’t
neurotically planned existence and don’t
neurotically planned existence and don’t get me wrong planning is a life skill
get me wrong planning is a life skill
get me wrong planning is a life skill it’s just look in every group there’s
it’s just look in every group there’s
it’s just look in every group there’s one friend who is like excessive on
one friend who is like excessive on
one friend who is like excessive on planning like you knew every class you
planning like you knew every class you
planning like you knew every class you are taking 2 years before you got into
are taking 2 years before you got into
are taking 2 years before you got into college if you cannot think of someone
college if you cannot think of someone
college if you cannot think of someone it’s because it’s you I think equally
it’s because it’s you I think equally
it’s because it’s you I think equally important is accepting that plans change
important is accepting that plans change
important is accepting that plans change and so the edge of chaos there’s this
and so the edge of chaos there’s this
and so the edge of chaos there’s this idea that right in the middle of chaos
idea that right in the middle of chaos
idea that right in the middle of chaos and order pretty cool things happen
and order pretty cool things happen
and order pretty cool things happen systems produce their most reactive and
systems produce their most reactive and
systems produce their most reactive and productive outputs organisms adapts to
productive outputs organisms adapts to
productive outputs organisms adapts to be at their most productive and again
be at their most productive and again
be at their most productive and again people are like that there’s a point
people are like that there’s a point
people are like that there’s a point where you find a balance between
where you find a balance between
where you find a balance between internal external chaos between all the
internal external chaos between all the
internal external chaos between all the plans and all the plans that haven’t
plans and all the plans that haven’t
plans and all the plans that haven’t worked out and at that point great
worked out and at that point great
worked out and at that point great things happen you are capable of
things happen you are capable of
things happen you are capable of creative dynamic change and you owe it
creative dynamic change and you owe it
creative dynamic change and you owe it to yourself to go and find it now as
to yourself to go and find it now as
to yourself to go and find it now as with anything that matters that’s easier
with anything that matters that’s easier
with anything that matters that’s easier said than done it can be a little hard
said than done it can be a little hard
said than done it can be a little hard to see the beauty in chaos theory when
to see the beauty in chaos theory when
to see the beauty in chaos theory when you’re broke when you’re behind on rent
you’re broke when you’re behind on rent
you’re broke when you’re behind on rent when you’re behind in your classes when
when you’re behind in your classes when
when you’re behind in your classes when you can’t get access to health care when
you can’t get access to health care when
you can’t get access to health care when you can’t get access to advisors that’s
you can’t get access to advisors that’s
you can’t get access to advisors that’s very real that’s an issue that cannot be
very real that’s an issue that cannot be
very real that’s an issue that cannot be denied and to do so I think would be
denied and to do so I think would be
denied and to do so I think would be disingenuous but I think despite that
disingenuous but I think despite that
disingenuous but I think despite that struggle it can be done and you should
struggle it can be done and you should
struggle it can be done and you should do it and I’m not here to pitch a
do it and I’m not here to pitch a
do it and I’m not here to pitch a self-help guide or sell my next
self-help guide or sell my next
self-help guide or sell my next five-step program I mean I think the
five-step program I mean I think the
five-step program I mean I think the point is that it’s doable
point is that it’s doable
point is that it’s doable and the commonality is it’s a lot of
and the commonality is it’s a lot of
and the commonality is it’s a lot of self-interest a lot of introspection and
self-interest a lot of introspection and
self-interest a lot of introspection and a lot of self-discovery and a ton of
a lot of self-discovery and a ton of
a lot of self-discovery and a ton of support and in that regard I’ve been
support and in that regard I’ve been
support and in that regard I’ve been phenomenally lucky I’ve always had
phenomenally lucky I’ve always had
phenomenally lucky I’ve always had people in my corner from day one whether
people in my corner from day one whether
people in my corner from day one whether they are parents whether they are
they are parents whether they are
they are parents whether they are friends whether they are mentor
friends whether they are mentor
friends whether they are mentor is whether their peers people have put
is whether their peers people have put
is whether their peers people have put faith in me before I’ve been willing to
faith in me before I’ve been willing to
faith in me before I’ve been willing to put faith in myself and that has made a
put faith in myself and that has made a
put faith in myself and that has made a world of difference but I realized that
world of difference but I realized that
world of difference but I realized that that’s that’s why I’m on this stage
that’s that’s why I’m on this stage
that’s that’s why I’m on this stage that’s why I’m around that’s why I’m
that’s why I’m around that’s why I’m
that’s why I’m around that’s why I’m alive and not everyone is that lucky not
alive and not everyone is that lucky not
alive and not everyone is that lucky not everyone has that level of support
everyone has that level of support
everyone has that level of support some people are disenfranchised or just
some people are disenfranchised or just
some people are disenfranchised or just discriminated against and some people
discriminated against and some people
discriminated against and some people just lack that level of support that
just lack that level of support that
just lack that level of support that I’ve been so privileged to have and I
I’ve been so privileged to have and I
I’ve been so privileged to have and I think today I mean I have a decent pair
think today I mean I have a decent pair
think today I mean I have a decent pair of dimples and a microphone and a stage
of dimples and a microphone and a stage
of dimples and a microphone and a stage that’s it I have a platform and I think
that’s it I have a platform and I think
that’s it I have a platform and I think with that all I want to say is this
with that all I want to say is this
with that all I want to say is this wherever you are on this spectrum of
wherever you are on this spectrum of
wherever you are on this spectrum of balance of chaos of finding yourself and
balance of chaos of finding yourself and
balance of chaos of finding yourself and losing yourself if you can be a support
losing yourself if you can be a support
losing yourself if you can be a support to someone a friend a colleague up here
to someone a friend a colleague up here
to someone a friend a colleague up here do it it’ll make a world of difference
do it it’ll make a world of difference
do it it’ll make a world of difference do it without a doubt and I think in
do it without a doubt and I think in
do it without a doubt and I think in doing so you empower both yourself and
doing so you empower both yourself and
doing so you empower both yourself and the people around you to embrace this
the people around you to embrace this
the people around you to embrace this chaos that is inherent to life the fact
chaos that is inherent to life the fact
chaos that is inherent to life the fact that plans change the fact that life
that plans change the fact that life
that plans change the fact that life happens and in doing so that gives you
happens and in doing so that gives you
happens and in doing so that gives you the power to find your own sense of
the power to find your own sense of
the power to find your own sense of balance and meaning thank you
balance and meaning thank you
balance and meaning thank you [Applause]
you
you [Music]
”
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