the notion of alonein together has been very familiar in my life I come from a
very familiar in my life I come from a
very familiar in my life I come from a country of 1.3 billion people so there’s
country of 1.3 billion people so there’s
country of 1.3 billion people so there’s not really such a thing as being alone
not really such a thing as being alone
not really such a thing as being alone you may think you’re alone sometimes but
you may think you’re alone sometimes but
you may think you’re alone sometimes but it’s really an illusion
it’s really an illusion
it’s really an illusion and then growing up between India and
and then growing up between India and
and then growing up between India and the US I really understood what it was
the US I really understood what it was
the US I really understood what it was to be alone I’ve spent most of my life
to be alone I’ve spent most of my life
to be alone I’ve spent most of my life on stage completely feeling alone I’ve
on stage completely feeling alone I’ve
on stage completely feeling alone I’ve been in front of crowds my whole life
been in front of crowds my whole life
been in front of crowds my whole life and even then I’ve always been able to
and even then I’ve always been able to
and even then I’ve always been able to hide behind the illusion of this
hide behind the illusion of this
hide behind the illusion of this constructed intimacy behind technology
constructed intimacy behind technology
constructed intimacy behind technology hiding behind distance being in a room
hiding behind distance being in a room
hiding behind distance being in a room full of people and feeling completely
full of people and feeling completely
full of people and feeling completely alone but as we all know we all want
alone but as we all know we all want
alone but as we all know we all want more than that we have this need for
more than that we have this need for
more than that we have this need for this immediate intimacy upon demand
this immediate intimacy upon demand
this immediate intimacy upon demand whether it’s performing onstage or
whether it’s performing onstage or
whether it’s performing onstage or swiping away at fellow humans on dating
swiping away at fellow humans on dating
swiping away at fellow humans on dating apps over coffee with friends it’s this
apps over coffee with friends it’s this
apps over coffee with friends it’s this constant need and I think for me this
constant need and I think for me this
constant need and I think for me this need for love without having to quite
need for love without having to quite
need for love without having to quite reveal yourself in any sort of way
reveal yourself in any sort of way
reveal yourself in any sort of way the need for wanting everything without
the need for wanting everything without
the need for wanting everything without ever having to give yourself away and I
ever having to give yourself away and I
ever having to give yourself away and I come from a unique situation in the
come from a unique situation in the
come from a unique situation in the sense that I had an identity before I
sense that I had an identity before I
sense that I had an identity before I was born I was the daughter of a famous
was born I was the daughter of a famous
was born I was the daughter of a famous Indian violinist I was the granddaughter
Indian violinist I was the granddaughter
Indian violinist I was the granddaughter of a famous Indian vocalist related to
of a famous Indian vocalist related to
of a famous Indian vocalist related to famous Indian musicians probably the
famous Indian musicians probably the
famous Indian musicians probably the most famous Indian musician of all time
most famous Indian musician of all time
most famous Indian musician of all time but within that I was surrounded by
but within that I was surrounded by
but within that I was surrounded by people since I was little but really
people since I was little but really
people since I was little but really felt alone and didn’t quite understand
felt alone and didn’t quite understand
felt alone and didn’t quite understand why I grew up without my mother without
why I grew up without my mother without
why I grew up without my mother without my family and there was always this hope
my family and there was always this hope
my family and there was always this hope of wanting to find real connections and
of wanting to find real connections and
of wanting to find real connections and I found hope in one of the most
I found hope in one of the most
I found hope in one of the most unexpected places and I’d like to tell
unexpected places and I’d like to tell
unexpected places and I’d like to tell you a story about that
[Music]
[Music] even now I wake up in the middle of the
even now I wake up in the middle of the
even now I wake up in the middle of the night wanting to call my mother wanting
night wanting to call my mother wanting
night wanting to call my mother wanting to ask her what ingredient I’m missing
to ask her what ingredient I’m missing
to ask her what ingredient I’m missing in my mint chutney what that old uncle
in my mint chutney what that old uncle
in my mint chutney what that old uncle and India’s name is and what I’m
and India’s name is and what I’m
and India’s name is and what I’m supposed to do over my latest heartbreak
supposed to do over my latest heartbreak
supposed to do over my latest heartbreak and it hits me every time that she’s
and it hits me every time that she’s
and it hits me every time that she’s gone the ground beneath me no longer
gone the ground beneath me no longer
gone the ground beneath me no longer feels secure and suddenly I’m the adult
feels secure and suddenly I’m the adult
feels secure and suddenly I’m the adult this larger-than-life character the
this larger-than-life character the
this larger-than-life character the center of my universe was the age I am
center of my universe was the age I am
center of my universe was the age I am now I don’t know if it hits me because
now I don’t know if it hits me because
now I don’t know if it hits me because I’m getting older or because my
I’m getting older or because my
I’m getting older or because my all-knowing every powerful mother didn’t
all-knowing every powerful mother didn’t
all-knowing every powerful mother didn’t know any more about life than I do now
know any more about life than I do now
know any more about life than I do now that would be fine in normal
that would be fine in normal
that would be fine in normal circumstances but my mother who used to
circumstances but my mother who used to
circumstances but my mother who used to sing me lullabies was also a Shanker
sing me lullabies was also a Shanker
sing me lullabies was also a Shanker when I was growing up they used to be at
when I was growing up they used to be at
when I was growing up they used to be at lots of concerts my grandmother and my
lots of concerts my grandmother and my
lots of concerts my grandmother and my mother would play all the time they’d
mother would play all the time they’d
mother would play all the time they’d sing with Ravi Shankar George Harrison
sing with Ravi Shankar George Harrison
sing with Ravi Shankar George Harrison but they didn’t really talk about it and
but they didn’t really talk about it and
but they didn’t really talk about it and I didn’t really understand in passing
I didn’t really understand in passing
I didn’t really understand in passing they’d mention yeah we used to tour a
they’d mention yeah we used to tour a
they’d mention yeah we used to tour a little bit we performed but that’s just
little bit we performed but that’s just
little bit we performed but that’s just who these women were if you ask them
who these women were if you ask them
who these women were if you ask them more than that they were completely
more than that they were completely
more than that they were completely modest and I never quite understood
modest and I never quite understood
modest and I never quite understood their power so I used to ask my
their power so I used to ask my
their power so I used to ask my grandmother these questions all the time
grandmother these questions all the time
grandmother these questions all the time tell me more about your touring tell me
tell me more about your touring tell me
tell me more about your touring tell me what you did and was always the same
what you did and was always the same
what you did and was always the same answer you know stop asking us questions
answer you know stop asking us questions
answer you know stop asking us questions nobody wants to hear our story get over
nobody wants to hear our story get over
nobody wants to hear our story get over it so growing up as a chunker the legacy
it so growing up as a chunker the legacy
it so growing up as a chunker the legacy was very complicated for me because most
was very complicated for me because most
was very complicated for me because most people I knew only really heard of my
people I knew only really heard of my
people I knew only really heard of my great uncle Ravi Shankar
great uncle Ravi Shankar
great uncle Ravi Shankar they’d never really heard about the
they’d never really heard about the
they’d never really heard about the women heard about the musicians so at
women heard about the musicians so at
women heard about the musicians so at some point I decided I had to tell this
some point I decided I had to tell this
some point I decided I had to tell this story and I kept bugging my grandmother
story and I kept bugging my grandmother
story and I kept bugging my grandmother about these stories a few years before
about these stories a few years before
about these stories a few years before she passed away I finally got her to
she passed away I finally got her to
she passed away I finally got her to relent she gave me some old instruments
relent she gave me some old instruments
relent she gave me some old instruments and scrapbooks and I asked her every
and scrapbooks and I asked her every
and scrapbooks and I asked her every question I’d ever wanted to ask her and
question I’d ever wanted to ask her and
question I’d ever wanted to ask her and these conversations would change the
these conversations would change the
these conversations would change the course of my life
[Music]
[Music] born in 1926
born in 1926
born in 1926 my grandmother Lakshmi Shastri grew up
my grandmother Lakshmi Shastri grew up
my grandmother Lakshmi Shastri grew up in Madras her mother Vaishali she
in Madras her mother Vaishali she
in Madras her mother Vaishali she despite having no formal education at
despite having no formal education at
despite having no formal education at her own insisted that her daughter was
her own insisted that her daughter was
her own insisted that her daughter was talented it should be educated just like
talented it should be educated just like
talented it should be educated just like the boys
the boys
the boys her father r-v Shastri was the first
her father r-v Shastri was the first
her father r-v Shastri was the first editor of Gandhi’s newspaper hyejin at
editor of Gandhi’s newspaper hyejin at
editor of Gandhi’s newspaper hyejin at the age of 13 my grandmother was
the age of 13 my grandmother was
the age of 13 my grandmother was discovered as a talented dancer by the
discovered as a talented dancer by the
discovered as a talented dancer by the prestigious with a chancre dance troupe
prestigious with a chancre dance troupe
prestigious with a chancre dance troupe at the Almora Center
my grandmother was just a child 13 years
my grandmother was just a child 13 years old but she wanted to lead the life of
old but she wanted to lead the life of
old but she wanted to lead the life of an artist she traveled all over the
an artist she traveled all over the
an artist she traveled all over the world performing and at the age of 15
world performing and at the age of 15
world performing and at the age of 15 she was married off to fellow troupe
she was married off to fellow troupe
she was married off to fellow troupe member Rajendra sunder at the age of 15
member Rajendra sunder at the age of 15
member Rajendra sunder at the age of 15 he was 36 21 years older than her the
he was 36 21 years older than her the
he was 36 21 years older than her the Schenker’s toured all over Europe Russia
Schenker’s toured all over Europe Russia
Schenker’s toured all over Europe Russia and the u.s. bringing Indian music and
and the u.s. bringing Indian music and
and the u.s. bringing Indian music and dance to the West for the first time she
dance to the West for the first time she
dance to the West for the first time she was a celebrated star performing
was a celebrated star performing
was a celebrated star performing everywhere it was her dream and at the
everywhere it was her dream and at the
everywhere it was her dream and at the age of 18 she had her first child she
age of 18 she had her first child she
age of 18 she had her first child she was on top of the world starring in
was on top of the world starring in
was on top of the world starring in movies ballets and then at the age of 20
movies ballets and then at the age of 20
movies ballets and then at the age of 20 she was diagnosed with pleurisy and told
she was diagnosed with pleurisy and told
she was diagnosed with pleurisy and told that she could never dance again
that she could never dance again
that she could never dance again but my grandmother refused to step into
but my grandmother refused to step into
but my grandmother refused to step into the shadows so she was destined for the
the shadows so she was destined for the
the shadows so she was destined for the stage she started studying Indian
stage she started studying Indian
stage she started studying Indian classical vocal and within five years
classical vocal and within five years
classical vocal and within five years became one of the top Indian classical
became one of the top Indian classical
became one of the top Indian classical vocalists in India she was a sudden
vocalists in India she was a sudden
vocalists in India she was a sudden shocking breakout star coming out of
shocking breakout star coming out of
shocking breakout star coming out of nowhere she toured all over the country
nowhere she toured all over the country
nowhere she toured all over the country performing in 14 languages and recording
performing in 14 languages and recording
performing in 14 languages and recording multiple albums critics and music
multiple albums critics and music
multiple albums critics and music critics all agreed the chitta melodious
critics all agreed the chitta melodious
critics all agreed the chitta melodious voice in a five octave range
voice in a five octave range
voice in a five octave range my grandmother was 36 and my mother was
my grandmother was 36 and my mother was
my grandmother was 36 and my mother was 10 by all accounts everyone that
10 by all accounts everyone that
10 by all accounts everyone that remembers my mother said she was a
remembers my mother said she was a
remembers my mother said she was a mischievous dreamer with an incredible
mischievous dreamer with an incredible
mischievous dreamer with an incredible voice she grew up up around her mother
voice she grew up up around her mother
voice she grew up up around her mother who was a musician and wanted to follow
who was a musician and wanted to follow
who was a musician and wanted to follow in her footsteps but the family had
in her footsteps but the family had
in her footsteps but the family had other ideas she was a girl they wanted
other ideas she was a girl they wanted
other ideas she was a girl they wanted her to be a proper girl than get married
her to be a proper girl than get married
her to be a proper girl than get married she used to sneak into her room at night
she used to sneak into her room at night
she used to sneak into her room at night and listen to the old radio she’d listen
and listen to the old radio she’d listen
and listen to the old radio she’d listen to the old Bollywood songs and every
to the old Bollywood songs and every
to the old Bollywood songs and every night she’d practice and practice and
night she’d practice and practice and
night she’d practice and practice and listen one night on the radio it was
listen one night on the radio it was
listen one night on the radio it was announced that there was a competition
announced that there was a competition
announced that there was a competition for the biggest radio station in India
for the biggest radio station in India
for the biggest radio station in India that was going across the country
that was going across the country
that was going across the country finding the best singer it was kind of
finding the best singer it was kind of
finding the best singer it was kind of an early version of American Idol
an early version of American Idol
an early version of American Idol my mother snuck out of the house and
my mother snuck out of the house and
my mother snuck out of the house and entered the competition when it came to
entered the competition when it came to
entered the competition when it came to Bombay she was so excited she had never
Bombay she was so excited she had never
Bombay she was so excited she had never been out and sung in public before so
been out and sung in public before so
been out and sung in public before so she entered the auditorium to a young
she entered the auditorium to a young
she entered the auditorium to a young bunch of faces in front of a panel of
bunch of faces in front of a panel of
bunch of faces in front of a panel of judges and she waited and waited and
judges and she waited and waited and
judges and she waited and waited and waited when it was her time to go up on
waited when it was her time to go up on
waited when it was her time to go up on stage she walked up nervously and for
stage she walked up nervously and for
stage she walked up nervously and for the first time outside of her own room
the first time outside of her own room
the first time outside of her own room anonymously in front of a large crowd on
anonymously in front of a large crowd on
anonymously in front of a large crowd on national radio she sang in public
and she won the whole competition my
and she won the whole competition my mother was a starlet overnight just like
mother was a starlet overnight just like
mother was a starlet overnight just like her mother the first prize of the
her mother the first prize of the
her mother the first prize of the competition was for her to record an
competition was for her to record an
competition was for her to record an album she was 19 years old but she never
album she was 19 years old but she never
album she was 19 years old but she never got to finish that record because the
got to finish that record because the
got to finish that record because the family decided that she should go to
family decided that she should go to
family decided that she should go to London to go to beauty school it was
London to go to beauty school it was
London to go to beauty school it was during that time that some Londoners
during that time that some Londoners
during that time that some Londoners come to India the Beatles
come to India the Beatles
come to India the Beatles George Harrison heard some music that
George Harrison heard some music that
George Harrison heard some music that would change his life George Harrison
would change his life George Harrison
would change his life George Harrison and rubbish hunger struck up a musical
and rubbish hunger struck up a musical
and rubbish hunger struck up a musical friendship that would change a cultural
friendship that would change a cultural
friendship that would change a cultural phenomenon this was the moment Indian
phenomenon this was the moment Indian
phenomenon this was the moment Indian music exploded into the West George
music exploded into the West George
music exploded into the West George brought Ravi and 16 members of his
brought Ravi and 16 members of his
brought Ravi and 16 members of his Indian Orchestra to London to record an
Indian Orchestra to London to record an
Indian Orchestra to London to record an album this musical friendship culminated
album this musical friendship culminated
album this musical friendship culminated into the Ravi Shankar Music Festival of
into the Ravi Shankar Music Festival of
into the Ravi Shankar Music Festival of India tour that’s my mother vide in the
India tour that’s my mother vide in the
India tour that’s my mother vide in the blue sari and my grandmother Lakshmi in
blue sari and my grandmother Lakshmi in
blue sari and my grandmother Lakshmi in the green sari they played a huge part
the green sari they played a huge part
the green sari they played a huge part in the tour success performing to large
in the tour success performing to large
in the tour success performing to large audiences every night touring with the
audiences every night touring with the
audiences every night touring with the top pop musicians of the day and revered
top pop musicians of the day and revered
top pop musicians of the day and revered by Hollywood stars I only found out
by Hollywood stars I only found out
by Hollywood stars I only found out recently that my grandmother also
recently that my grandmother also
recently that my grandmother also conducted the orchestras and did
conducted the orchestras and did
conducted the orchestras and did arrangements when Ravi got sick it was
arrangements when Ravi got sick it was
arrangements when Ravi got sick it was there that my mother met my father the
there that my mother met my father the
there that my mother met my father the violin player and soon she was married
violin player and soon she was married
violin player and soon she was married off and then I was born
off and then I was born
off and then I was born my father always wished that I was a boy
my father always wished that I was a boy
my father always wished that I was a boy I’m pretty sure that I was a
I’m pretty sure that I was a
I’m pretty sure that I was a disappointment to him within the first
disappointment to him within the first
disappointment to him within the first seconds of my life
seconds of my life
seconds of my life as he once told me I’m not a boy I can’t
as he once told me I’m not a boy I can’t
as he once told me I’m not a boy I can’t carry his name on and I can’t light his
carry his name on and I can’t light his
carry his name on and I can’t light his cremation fire I always knew that my dad
cremation fire I always knew that my dad
cremation fire I always knew that my dad was a musician but not my mother even
was a musician but not my mother even
was a musician but not my mother even though all my earliest memories of her
though all my earliest memories of her
though all my earliest memories of her were singing when I was 9 and she was 35
were singing when I was 9 and she was 35
were singing when I was 9 and she was 35 my mother was diagnosed with cancer she
my mother was diagnosed with cancer she
my mother was diagnosed with cancer she would go into remission she’d get worse
would go into remission she’d get worse
would go into remission she’d get worse every time a little worst
every time a little worst
every time a little worst I remember in those moments hearing her
I remember in those moments hearing her
I remember in those moments hearing her sing and she was trying to finish this
sing and she was trying to finish this
sing and she was trying to finish this record that she created when she was 19
record that she created when she was 19
record that she created when she was 19 the record she never got to finish she
the record she never got to finish she
the record she never got to finish she never would finish that record last
never would finish that record last
never would finish that record last summer I finally went in to go listen to
summer I finally went in to go listen to
summer I finally went in to go listen to her old recordings recordings that I’d
her old recordings recordings that I’d
her old recordings recordings that I’d put away for a long time
put away for a long time
put away for a long time recordings that I couldn’t listen to
recordings that I couldn’t listen to
recordings that I couldn’t listen to till I was ready and something in me had
till I was ready and something in me had
till I was ready and something in me had changed I realized on the search for my
changed I realized on the search for my
changed I realized on the search for my grandmother that the person I was
grandmother that the person I was
grandmother that the person I was looking for my whole life was my mother
looking for my whole life was my mother
looking for my whole life was my mother she was what was missing she was what I
she was what was missing she was what I
she was what was missing she was what I needed and these recordings these songs
needed and these recordings these songs
needed and these recordings these songs were her in her own voice in her own
were her in her own voice in her own
were her in her own voice in her own words and it finally hit me that I felt
words and it finally hit me that I felt
words and it finally hit me that I felt so many guilt and boundaries being a
so many guilt and boundaries being a
so many guilt and boundaries being a woman in an artist but I saw how they
woman in an artist but I saw how they
woman in an artist but I saw how they struggled and they fought and those
struggled and they fought and those
struggled and they fought and those struggles became mine and having a
struggles became mine and having a
struggles became mine and having a daughter I want nothing more than for
daughter I want nothing more than for
daughter I want nothing more than for her to live her life outside of these
her to live her life outside of these
her to live her life outside of these boundaries there’s this habit that I
boundaries there’s this habit that I
boundaries there’s this habit that I have before I perform I pace I tune my
have before I perform I pace I tune my
have before I perform I pace I tune my instrument I pace I pace some more I
instrument I pace I pace some more I
instrument I pace I pace some more I think I pace out of nervousness out of
think I pace out of nervousness out of
think I pace out of nervousness out of uncertainty that my voice won’t carry
uncertainty that my voice won’t carry
uncertainty that my voice won’t carry forward in those moments I have to think
forward in those moments I have to think
forward in those moments I have to think of my mother’s lullabies her voice
of my mother’s lullabies her voice
of my mother’s lullabies her voice I let them sing through me and carry me
I let them sing through me and carry me
I let them sing through me and carry me through my mother always said women are
through my mother always said women are
through my mother always said women are resilient they will be remembered
resilient they will be remembered
resilient they will be remembered through their songs so I’m gonna leave
through their songs so I’m gonna leave
through their songs so I’m gonna leave you with one of hers
you
you [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
[Music]
[Music] you
[Music]
[Music] you
you
you [Music]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Applause]
”
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