today I’m going to share with you a personal story and I hope that talking
personal story and I hope that talking
personal story and I hope that talking about my decades of dealing with
about my decades of dealing with
about my decades of dealing with depression might shed some light on this
depression might shed some light on this
depression might shed some light on this very common disease and help show why
very common disease and help show why
very common disease and help show why mental illness shouldn’t be considered
mental illness shouldn’t be considered
mental illness shouldn’t be considered any more shameful than diabetes or
any more shameful than diabetes or
any more shameful than diabetes or asthma or all sorts of other common
asthma or all sorts of other common
asthma or all sorts of other common chronic disorders briefly here’s the
chronic disorders briefly here’s the
chronic disorders briefly here’s the chronology I was born in New York City
chronology I was born in New York City
chronology I was born in New York City into a modest middle-class family in the
into a modest middle-class family in the
into a modest middle-class family in the middle of the Great Depression and grew
middle of the Great Depression and grew
middle of the Great Depression and grew up in White Plains a Westchester County
up in White Plains a Westchester County
up in White Plains a Westchester County suburb north of the city my parents were
suburb north of the city my parents were
suburb north of the city my parents were both college graduates and my mother
both college graduates and my mother
both college graduates and my mother even went to law school at a time when
even went to law school at a time when
even went to law school at a time when women didn’t do that sort of thing they
women didn’t do that sort of thing they
women didn’t do that sort of thing they they valued education and I was
they valued education and I was
they valued education and I was fortunate and that they made available
fortunate and that they made available
fortunate and that they made available for me a series of first-rate
for me a series of first-rate
for me a series of first-rate opportunities so I spent four years at
opportunities so I spent four years at
opportunities so I spent four years at the chowk School in Wallingford
the chowk School in Wallingford
the chowk School in Wallingford Connecticut followed by Princeton where
Connecticut followed by Princeton where
Connecticut followed by Princeton where I graduated with honors in psychology
I graduated with honors in psychology
I graduated with honors in psychology and then on to Harvard Law School but
and then on to Harvard Law School but
and then on to Harvard Law School but only after serving a couple of years as
only after serving a couple of years as
only after serving a couple of years as an officer in the US Army I was
an officer in the US Army I was
an officer in the US Army I was recruited right out of law school into a
recruited right out of law school into a
recruited right out of law school into a major Wall Street law firm where
major Wall Street law firm where
major Wall Street law firm where elevation to partnership was the single
elevation to partnership was the single
elevation to partnership was the single one step past a professional success and
one step past a professional success and
one step past a professional success and on May 1 1968 I became a partner I then
on May 1 1968 I became a partner I then
on May 1 1968 I became a partner I then spent years dealing playing in the major
spent years dealing playing in the major
spent years dealing playing in the major leagues of Finance and legal affairs
leagues of Finance and legal affairs
leagues of Finance and legal affairs specializing in international dispute
specializing in international dispute
specializing in international dispute resolution litigation and negotiation in
resolution litigation and negotiation in
resolution litigation and negotiation in my practice I represented a variety of
my practice I represented a variety of
my practice I represented a variety of very prominent US and foreign
very prominent US and foreign
very prominent US and foreign corporations and their senior management
corporations and their senior management
corporations and their senior management and some of their more challenging legal
and some of their more challenging legal
and some of their more challenging legal and financial problems my practice made
and financial problems my practice made
and financial problems my practice made me financially secure and while the
me financially secure and while the
me financially secure and while the hours were long and sometimes stressful
hours were long and sometimes stressful
hours were long and sometimes stressful and had minimal family to
and had minimal family to
and had minimal family to I was supported throughout by my child
I was supported throughout by my child
I was supported throughout by my child bride and partner of over 60 years as
bride and partner of over 60 years as
bride and partner of over 60 years as Jean and I raised five children in the
Jean and I raised five children in the
Jean and I raised five children in the commuter town of Chappaqua New York
commuter town of Chappaqua New York
commuter town of Chappaqua New York followed by 12 grandchildren two
followed by 12 grandchildren two
followed by 12 grandchildren two great-grandchildren and now two more
great-grandchildren and now two more
great-grandchildren and now two more twin boys on the way my legal career
twin boys on the way my legal career
twin boys on the way my legal career took off to heights I never could have
took off to heights I never could have
took off to heights I never could have imagined resulting at one time and
imagined resulting at one time and
imagined resulting at one time and national acclaim praise from the
national acclaim praise from the
national acclaim praise from the President of the United States and
President of the United States and
President of the United States and congressional committees and being named
congressional committees and being named
congressional committees and being named the International lawyer of the year
the International lawyer of the year
the International lawyer of the year after it became public knowledge that I
after it became public knowledge that I
after it became public knowledge that I had spent a year conducting secret but
had spent a year conducting secret but
had spent a year conducting secret but government authorized negotiations with
government authorized negotiations with
government authorized negotiations with Iran leading to the release of the
Iran leading to the release of the
Iran leading to the release of the American hostages from the US Embassy in
American hostages from the US Embassy in
American hostages from the US Embassy in Tehran where they’d been held captive
Tehran where they’d been held captive
Tehran where they’d been held captive for over a year
thank you I retired at the peak of my
thank you I retired at the peak of my legal career as a senior partner in a
legal career as a senior partner in a
legal career as a senior partner in a major international law firm and moved
major international law firm and moved
major international law firm and moved to the little hill town of Sullivan New
to the little hill town of Sullivan New
to the little hill town of Sullivan New Hampshire where unexpectedly I I became
Hampshire where unexpectedly I I became
Hampshire where unexpectedly I I became involved in a second career rather
involved in a second career rather
involved in a second career rather quickly in the nonprofit sector where
quickly in the nonprofit sector where
quickly in the nonprofit sector where I’ve served on or led a variety of
I’ve served on or led a variety of
I’ve served on or led a variety of social service and all sorts of other
social service and all sorts of other
social service and all sorts of other charitable organizations and local
charitable organizations and local
charitable organizations and local governmental committees this latter day
governmental committees this latter day
governmental committees this latter day and still active engagement has also led
and still active engagement has also led
and still active engagement has also led to some gratifying local statewide
to some gratifying local statewide
to some gratifying local statewide recognition and formal Awards looking
recognition and formal Awards looking
recognition and formal Awards looking looking only at that brief outline one
looking only at that brief outline one
looking only at that brief outline one might think that this is quite an
might think that this is quite an
might think that this is quite an enviable life journey but it was also
enviable life journey but it was also
enviable life journey but it was also one impacted by mental illness and
one impacted by mental illness and
one impacted by mental illness and periods of alcohol abuse
as I look back now over these years in
as I look back now over these years in the context of the theme here today I
the context of the theme here today I
the context of the theme here today I think I can identify a series of what
think I can identify a series of what
think I can identify a series of what you could call tipping points all by
you could call tipping points all by
you could call tipping points all by some strange coincidence occurring on
some strange coincidence occurring on
some strange coincidence occurring on May 1 to begin with I was born on May 1
May 1 to begin with I was born on May 1
May 1 to begin with I was born on May 1 1934 and some 30 odd years later was
1934 and some 30 odd years later was
1934 and some 30 odd years later was elected to partnership in in my law firm
elected to partnership in in my law firm
elected to partnership in in my law firm on May 1 1968 while this was a pivotal
on May 1 1968 while this was a pivotal
on May 1 1968 while this was a pivotal pivotal career achievement within a year
pivotal career achievement within a year
pivotal career achievement within a year I crashed and fell into an almost
I crashed and fell into an almost
I crashed and fell into an almost catatonic depression my condition caused
catatonic depression my condition caused
catatonic depression my condition caused frightful pain and an anxiety for my
frightful pain and an anxiety for my
frightful pain and an anxiety for my family and when efforts to get me back
family and when efforts to get me back
family and when efforts to get me back on a road to recovery failed on another
on a road to recovery failed on another
on a road to recovery failed on another May 1 1969 I was placed into a locked
May 1 1969 I was placed into a locked
May 1 1969 I was placed into a locked ward of a New York metal Hospital and
ward of a New York metal Hospital and
ward of a New York metal Hospital and there I remained for a year with little
there I remained for a year with little
there I remained for a year with little promise of recovery behind those locked
promise of recovery behind those locked
promise of recovery behind those locked doors and windows I lived in a mindless
doors and windows I lived in a mindless
doors and windows I lived in a mindless days of aimless limbo punctuated by
days of aimless limbo punctuated by
days of aimless limbo punctuated by almost 30 applications of the
almost 30 applications of the
almost 30 applications of the old-fashioned strapped down on the table
old-fashioned strapped down on the table
old-fashioned strapped down on the table Cuckoo’s Nest style electroshock
Cuckoo’s Nest style electroshock
Cuckoo’s Nest style electroshock treatment finally after a year with no
treatment finally after a year with no
treatment finally after a year with no apparent meaningful progress my wife
apparent meaningful progress my wife
apparent meaningful progress my wife took things into her own hands Jeanne
took things into her own hands Jeanne
took things into her own hands Jeanne had been consulting a psychiatrist as
had been consulting a psychiatrist as
had been consulting a psychiatrist as she and our five young children
she and our five young children
she and our five young children struggled to cope with my seeming
struggled to cope with my seeming
struggled to cope with my seeming endless absence and Jean and the doctor
endless absence and Jean and the doctor
endless absence and Jean and the doctor managed to persuade the hospital to
managed to persuade the hospital to
managed to persuade the hospital to release me into their care and their
release me into their care and their
release me into their care and their sole responsibility so the hospital
sole responsibility so the hospital
sole responsibility so the hospital people washed
people washed
people washed their hands of me and on another May 1
their hands of me and on another May 1
their hands of me and on another May 1 1970 a year to the day that I was put
1970 a year to the day that I was put
1970 a year to the day that I was put away I finally emerged from that
away I finally emerged from that
away I finally emerged from that god-awful
god-awful
god-awful dismal gothic institution I then began a
dismal gothic institution I then began a
dismal gothic institution I then began a a steady climb out of the worst period
a steady climb out of the worst period
a steady climb out of the worst period of clinical depression that I had ever
of clinical depression that I had ever
of clinical depression that I had ever experienced and within a year I was able
experienced and within a year I was able
experienced and within a year I was able to start back at work at my law firm
to start back at work at my law firm
to start back at work at my law firm which had been helping my family
which had been helping my family
which had been helping my family throughout my absence and supported me
throughout my absence and supported me
throughout my absence and supported me in my recovery the early years consisted
in my recovery the early years consisted
in my recovery the early years consisted of traditional old-fashioned talk
of traditional old-fashioned talk
of traditional old-fashioned talk therapy Prozac and and all these other
therapy Prozac and and all these other
therapy Prozac and and all these other antidepressants weren’t much in use in
antidepressants weren’t much in use in
antidepressants weren’t much in use in those days but fortunately an accidental
those days but fortunately an accidental
those days but fortunately an accidental factor in my recovery it was a lifestyle
factor in my recovery it was a lifestyle
factor in my recovery it was a lifestyle change that that remains part of our
change that that remains part of our
change that that remains part of our regular routine day without knowing what
regular routine day without knowing what
regular routine day without knowing what to expect
to expect
to expect Jean and I got into the running craze
Jean and I got into the running craze
Jean and I got into the running craze just as it was taking off in the late
just as it was taking off in the late
just as it was taking off in the late 1970s and we quickly became active race
1970s and we quickly became active race
1970s and we quickly became active race participants including many full 26-mile
participants including many full 26-mile
participants including many full 26-mile marathons we became firm believers in
marathons we became firm believers in
marathons we became firm believers in the theory that’s now really pretty well
the theory that’s now really pretty well
the theory that’s now really pretty well accepted if not proved that running can
accepted if not proved that running can
accepted if not proved that running can have a beneficial positive beneficial
have a beneficial positive beneficial
have a beneficial positive beneficial effect on emotional condition sometimes
effect on emotional condition sometimes
effect on emotional condition sometimes even referred to as the runner’s high or
even referred to as the runner’s high or
even referred to as the runner’s high or the endorphin effect whatever the
the endorphin effect whatever the
the endorphin effect whatever the biochemical explanation may be the fact
biochemical explanation may be the fact
biochemical explanation may be the fact is that doing it can make you feel good
is that doing it can make you feel good
is that doing it can make you feel good and as most runners know you miss it if
and as most runners know you miss it if
and as most runners know you miss it if you miss it running still helps and
you miss it running still helps and
you miss it running still helps and together with all other factors
together with all other factors
together with all other factors including modest but regular medication
including modest but regular medication
including modest but regular medication and other lifestyle practices such as
and other lifestyle practices such as
and other lifestyle practices such as yoga and met
yoga and met
yoga and met led to unexpected levels of comfort
led to unexpected levels of comfort
led to unexpected levels of comfort happiness and an extraordinary
happiness and an extraordinary
happiness and an extraordinary professional success now I don’t want to
professional success now I don’t want to
professional success now I don’t want to suggest that I consider myself fully
suggest that I consider myself fully
suggest that I consider myself fully cured one of the one of the common side
cured one of the one of the common side
cured one of the one of the common side effects of shock therapy is a periodic
effects of shock therapy is a periodic
effects of shock therapy is a periodic impairment of short-term memory and that
impairment of short-term memory and that
impairment of short-term memory and that only slowly abated in the early in the
only slowly abated in the early in the
only slowly abated in the early in the early times and sometimes I think that
early times and sometimes I think that
early times and sometimes I think that it’s even present today although Jean
it’s even present today although Jean
it’s even present today although Jean insists that it’s no more virulent than
insists that it’s no more virulent than
insists that it’s no more virulent than the common puzzlement of people our age
the common puzzlement of people our age
the common puzzlement of people our age what what did I come into this room for
what what did I come into this room for
what what did I come into this room for I think she’s probably right and these
I think she’s probably right and these
I think she’s probably right and these senior moments are just another aspect
senior moments are just another aspect
senior moments are just another aspect of of what I prefer to think of as
of of what I prefer to think of as
of of what I prefer to think of as creeping maturity more seriously there
creeping maturity more seriously there
creeping maturity more seriously there are still some difficult times but when
are still some difficult times but when
are still some difficult times but when darkness descends or the anxiety beast
darkness descends or the anxiety beast
darkness descends or the anxiety beast attacks at least now I understand these
attacks at least now I understand these
attacks at least now I understand these problems better and I have better tools
problems better and I have better tools
problems better and I have better tools to cope with them painful is as my
to cope with them painful is as my
to cope with them painful is as my illness was for me and for those who
illness was for me and for those who
illness was for me and for those who loved and supported me I came over time
loved and supported me I came over time
loved and supported me I came over time to realize that I’m simply subject to a
to realize that I’m simply subject to a
to realize that I’m simply subject to a chronic but very common and treatable
chronic but very common and treatable
chronic but very common and treatable disease recognizing that I’m stuck with
disease recognizing that I’m stuck with
disease recognizing that I’m stuck with this I decided that I’ll try to learn to
this I decided that I’ll try to learn to
this I decided that I’ll try to learn to live with it and and to use the
live with it and and to use the
live with it and and to use the experience rather than have the
experience rather than have the
experience rather than have the experience use me the irony of this
experience use me the irony of this
experience use me the irony of this story is that that my illness and my
story is that that my illness and my
story is that that my illness and my recovery became positive influences and
recovery became positive influences and
recovery became positive influences and positive influence in both my personal
positive influence in both my personal
positive influence in both my personal and professional life living through
and professional life living through
and professional life living through those dreadful times changed my life
those dreadful times changed my life
those dreadful times changed my life they changed my
they changed my
they changed my values and my priorities and those
values and my priorities and those
values and my priorities and those changes led me to try to be more
changes led me to try to be more
changes led me to try to be more sensitive to the values and concerns of
sensitive to the values and concerns of
sensitive to the values and concerns of others for example back in the day when
others for example back in the day when
others for example back in the day when in my professional life I used to do a
in my professional life I used to do a
in my professional life I used to do a lot of negotiating sometimes in
lot of negotiating sometimes in
lot of negotiating sometimes in difficult situations for example dealing
difficult situations for example dealing
difficult situations for example dealing with the Iranians during the hostage
with the Iranians during the hostage
with the Iranians during the hostage crisis I think that my efforts at trying
crisis I think that my efforts at trying
crisis I think that my efforts at trying to understand and appreciate what’s
to understand and appreciate what’s
to understand and appreciate what’s going on with the other guy even if it’s
going on with the other guy even if it’s
going on with the other guy even if it’s an adversary we’re helpful trying to
an adversary we’re helpful trying to
an adversary we’re helpful trying to discover what’s important or difficult
discover what’s important or difficult
discover what’s important or difficult for others became a working priority for
for others became a working priority for
for others became a working priority for me it’s still a work in progress today
me it’s still a work in progress today
me it’s still a work in progress today and I need to keep at it constantly my
and I need to keep at it constantly my
and I need to keep at it constantly my message today is obviously that mental
message today is obviously that mental
message today is obviously that mental illness need not be a barrier to
illness need not be a barrier to
illness need not be a barrier to happiness or success and despite the the
happiness or success and despite the the
happiness or success and despite the the stigma that still unfortunately prevails
stigma that still unfortunately prevails
stigma that still unfortunately prevails mental illness doesn’t have to preclude
mental illness doesn’t have to preclude
mental illness doesn’t have to preclude a productive and otherwise normal life
a productive and otherwise normal life
a productive and otherwise normal life even if at times it’s painful and
even if at times it’s painful and
even if at times it’s painful and sometimes seems hopeless my own
sometimes seems hopeless my own
sometimes seems hopeless my own experience with depression is hardly
experience with depression is hardly
experience with depression is hardly unique or even unusual the disease of
unique or even unusual the disease of
unique or even unusual the disease of depression has always been a common
depression has always been a common
depression has always been a common affliction and the experience of all
affliction and the experience of all
affliction and the experience of all sorts of people including many
sorts of people including many
sorts of people including many well-known and legendary figures for for
well-known and legendary figures for for
well-known and legendary figures for for example from Abraham Lincoln to Bruce
example from Abraham Lincoln to Bruce
example from Abraham Lincoln to Bruce Springsteen to the extent that they’re
Springsteen to the extent that they’re
Springsteen to the extent that they’re available they’re stories of illness and
available they’re stories of illness and
available they’re stories of illness and recovery or informative and even
recovery or informative and even
recovery or informative and even inspiring william Styron the the
inspiring william Styron the the
inspiring william Styron the the Pulitzer prize-winning author of
Pulitzer prize-winning author of
Pulitzer prize-winning author of Sophie’s Choice and as some of you may
Sophie’s Choice and as some of you may
Sophie’s Choice and as some of you may know who was a medalist over the module
know who was a medalist over the module
know who was a medalist over the module colony a couple of years ago Styron in
colony a couple of years ago Styron in
colony a couple of years ago Styron in his autobiography referred to his
his autobiography referred to his
his autobiography referred to his depression
depression
depression as the wind of the wing of madness
as the wind of the wing of madness
as the wind of the wing of madness Styron’s book darkness visible a memoir
Styron’s book darkness visible a memoir
Styron’s book darkness visible a memoir of madness describes his illness and
of madness describes his illness and
of madness describes his illness and recovery more eloquently than anything
recovery more eloquently than anything
recovery more eloquently than anything I’ve ever come across in read and he
I’ve ever come across in read and he
I’ve ever come across in read and he concludes his personal story with a
concludes his personal story with a
concludes his personal story with a beautifully promising message depression
beautifully promising message depression
beautifully promising message depression is not the soul’s annihilation
is not the soul’s annihilation
is not the soul’s annihilation it is conquerable and then he finishes
it is conquerable and then he finishes
it is conquerable and then he finishes by quoting Dante’s allegorical image of
by quoting Dante’s allegorical image of
by quoting Dante’s allegorical image of recovery from darkness and despair at
recovery from darkness and despair at
recovery from darkness and despair at the end of the inferno when the narrator
the end of the inferno when the narrator
the end of the inferno when the narrator describes emerging from hell’s black
describes emerging from hell’s black
describes emerging from hell’s black depths and so we came forth and once
depths and so we came forth and once
depths and so we came forth and once again beheld the Stars and so we came
again beheld the Stars and so we came
again beheld the Stars and so we came forth and once again beheld the Stars
forth and once again beheld the Stars
forth and once again beheld the Stars and you imagine a more beautiful and
and you imagine a more beautiful and
and you imagine a more beautiful and inspiring message of what it feels like
inspiring message of what it feels like
inspiring message of what it feels like to come out of a pit of depression and
to come out of a pit of depression and
to come out of a pit of depression and despair why can’t I obviously can’t
despair why can’t I obviously can’t
despair why can’t I obviously can’t compete with Dante or Styron and I don’t
compete with Dante or Styron and I don’t
compete with Dante or Styron and I don’t have any fanciful names for my own
have any fanciful names for my own
have any fanciful names for my own condition although I often refer to the
condition although I often refer to the
condition although I often refer to the Dark Ages when Jean and I talk about the
Dark Ages when Jean and I talk about the
Dark Ages when Jean and I talk about the past my own struggle with the depression
past my own struggle with the depression
past my own struggle with the depression anxiety complex has hardly been a walk
anxiety complex has hardly been a walk
anxiety complex has hardly been a walk in the park but there’s no doubt that it
in the park but there’s no doubt that it
in the park but there’s no doubt that it changed my life and for the better
changed my life and for the better
changed my life and for the better in closing I’d ask that you take and
in closing I’d ask that you take and
in closing I’d ask that you take and help share the message that improvement
help share the message that improvement
help share the message that improvement in mental health needs to be
in mental health needs to be
in mental health needs to be a regional and national priority and
a regional and national priority and
a regional and national priority and requires public understanding that
requires public understanding that
requires public understanding that mental illness is just another serious
mental illness is just another serious
mental illness is just another serious but manageable disease that needs to be
but manageable disease that needs to be
but manageable disease that needs to be brought out of the closet recognized
brought out of the closet recognized
brought out of the closet recognized accepted without shame and treated it
accepted without shame and treated it
accepted without shame and treated it can be and it should be and in my case
can be and it should be and in my case
can be and it should be and in my case it has been thank you
”
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