I’m going to share with you some ideas that are remarkably simple and yet can
that are remarkably simple and yet can
that are remarkably simple and yet can be very difficult to do yet I believe
be very difficult to do yet I believe
be very difficult to do yet I believe that if we do them that they can change
that if we do them that they can change
that if we do them that they can change our lives that has been true for me the
our lives that has been true for me the
our lives that has been true for me the idea is gracious space gracious space is
idea is gracious space gracious space is
idea is gracious space gracious space is the creation of the Center for ethical
the creation of the Center for ethical
the creation of the Center for ethical leadership which is located in Seattle
leadership which is located in Seattle
leadership which is located in Seattle and for 25 years has been a pioneer in
and for 25 years has been a pioneer in
and for 25 years has been a pioneer in ethical leadership for the common good I
ethical leadership for the common good I
ethical leadership for the common good I want to ask you to think for a moment
want to ask you to think for a moment
want to ask you to think for a moment about these two words gracious space
about these two words gracious space
about these two words gracious space what do they make you think of what
what do they make you think of what
what do they make you think of what comes to mind when you hear these two
comes to mind when you hear these two
comes to mind when you hear these two words what feelings do they evoke in you
words what feelings do they evoke in you
words what feelings do they evoke in you who was there can you think of a time
who was there can you think of a time
who was there can you think of a time that you might have experienced
that you might have experienced
that you might have experienced something that you would call a gracious
something that you would call a gracious
something that you would call a gracious space and what made it unique enough for
space and what made it unique enough for
space and what made it unique enough for you to think of it this morning what
you to think of it this morning what
you to think of it this morning what were the characteristics who was there
were the characteristics who was there
were the characteristics who was there well we’ve asked this question to
well we’ve asked this question to
well we’ve asked this question to thousands of people in hundreds of
thousands of people in hundreds of
thousands of people in hundreds of organizations over 40 States and 35
organizations over 40 States and 35
organizations over 40 States and 35 countries over the last 20 years some of
countries over the last 20 years some of
countries over the last 20 years some of the things that they share with us our
the things that they share with us our
the things that they share with us our gracious space was the time that our
gracious space was the time that our
gracious space was the time that our team was really creative or gracious
team was really creative or gracious
team was really creative or gracious space was when I was with my friend and
space was when I was with my friend and
space was when I was with my friend and I could just be myself without feeling
I could just be myself without feeling
I could just be myself without feeling judged or gracious space is when I’m at
judged or gracious space is when I’m at
judged or gracious space is when I’m at church or in the woods one of my
church or in the woods one of my
church or in the woods one of my favorites was gracious spaces grandma’s
favorites was gracious spaces grandma’s
favorites was gracious spaces grandma’s house there’s all the milk and cookies
house there’s all the milk and cookies
house there’s all the milk and cookies you want and no chores so it is
you want and no chores so it is
you want and no chores so it is definition and then we ask them so what
definition and then we ask them so what
definition and then we ask them so what are the words that you would use to
are the words that you would use to
are the words that you would use to describe these unique moments that you
describe these unique moments that you
describe these unique moments that you can remember so clearly and they use
can remember so clearly and they use
can remember so clearly and they use words like it was inviting it was
words like it was inviting it was
words like it was inviting it was comfortable I felt safe emotionally safe
comfortable I felt safe emotionally safe
comfortable I felt safe emotionally safe compassion curiosity we were having a
compassion curiosity we were having a
compassion curiosity we were having a good time I could be myself so these are
good time I could be myself so these are
good time I could be myself so these are all words that we can use to describe
all words that we can use to describe
all words that we can use to describe ourselves and describe gracious
ourselves and describe gracious
ourselves and describe gracious bass so what I’m going to offer you to
bass so what I’m going to offer you to
bass so what I’m going to offer you to here today is something that I believe
here today is something that I believe
here today is something that I believe can help us with connection connection
can help us with connection connection
can help us with connection connection is our theme today gracious space is a
is our theme today gracious space is a
is our theme today gracious space is a way that we can connect with ourselves
way that we can connect with ourselves
way that we can connect with ourselves we can connect with others we can
we can connect with others we can
we can connect with others we can connect with people at work in our
connect with people at work in our
connect with people at work in our communities I think it works in any sort
communities I think it works in any sort
communities I think it works in any sort of relationship so I’m going to share
of relationship so I’m going to share
of relationship so I’m going to share with you the four key elements of
with you the four key elements of
with you the four key elements of gracious space that we’ve learned about
gracious space that we’ve learned about
gracious space that we’ve learned about by doing gracious space for the last 25
by doing gracious space for the last 25
by doing gracious space for the last 25 years the first one is the spirit of
years the first one is the spirit of
years the first one is the spirit of gracious space I call it the small-ass
gracious space I call it the small-ass
gracious space I call it the small-ass spirit and what this means to us is that
spirit and what this means to us is that
spirit and what this means to us is that gracious space that you can be gracious
gracious space that you can be gracious
gracious space that you can be gracious space it’s not necessarily something you
space it’s not necessarily something you
space it’s not necessarily something you need to do although there are that parts
need to do although there are that parts
need to do although there are that parts of it but you can be gracious space how
of it but you can be gracious space how
of it but you can be gracious space how you show up matters what walks with you
you show up matters what walks with you
you show up matters what walks with you when you come into a room what are the
when you come into a room what are the
when you come into a room what are the qualities that you become known for it’s
qualities that you become known for it’s
qualities that you become known for it’s something that that is part of who we
something that that is part of who we
something that that is part of who we are and people learn to expect and rely
are and people learn to expect and rely
are and people learn to expect and rely on these qualities that we have we all
on these qualities that we have we all
on these qualities that we have we all have them you can think for yourself oh
have them you can think for yourself oh
have them you can think for yourself oh boy how compassionate am i and how
boy how compassionate am i and how
boy how compassionate am i and how curious am I in what happens is people
curious am I in what happens is people
curious am I in what happens is people start to say oh good
start to say oh good
start to say oh good you know Bob’s here because Bob asks
you know Bob’s here because Bob asks
you know Bob’s here because Bob asks really good questions or Joanie’s here
really good questions or Joanie’s here
really good questions or Joanie’s here yay because Joanie is a good listener
yay because Joanie is a good listener
yay because Joanie is a good listener and I know I’m going to be able to talk
and I know I’m going to be able to talk
and I know I’m going to be able to talk when Johnny’s here or thank goodness my
when Johnny’s here or thank goodness my
when Johnny’s here or thank goodness my is here because she lightens the mood
is here because she lightens the mood
is here because she lightens the mood even though our work is serious so we
even though our work is serious so we
even though our work is serious so we become known for these things so what we
become known for these things so what we
become known for these things so what we do is our spirit becomes contagious and
do is our spirit becomes contagious and
do is our spirit becomes contagious and for me this means that I need to be
for me this means that I need to be
for me this means that I need to be intentional every day about what
intentional every day about what
intentional every day about what contagion I’m spreading to the people
contagion I’m spreading to the people
contagion I’m spreading to the people nearby is it a positive experience or is
nearby is it a positive experience or is
nearby is it a positive experience or is it a negative experience another way to
it a negative experience another way to
it a negative experience another way to think about it is is like boats create
think about it is is like boats create
think about it is is like boats create awake
awake
awake what is the wake that I leave behind
what is the wake that I leave behind
what is the wake that I leave behind when I pass through so what we do in our
when I pass through so what we do in our
when I pass through so what we do in our workshops is we ask people to identify
workshops is we ask people to identify
workshops is we ask people to identify what are some characteristics that you
what are some characteristics that you
what are some characteristics that you bring to the spirit of gracious space
bring to the spirit of gracious space
bring to the spirit of gracious space and we give them a list I have one
and we give them a list I have one
and we give them a list I have one outside if you want to pick one up
outside if you want to pick one up
outside if you want to pick one up you’re way out the door and they choose
you’re way out the door and they choose
you’re way out the door and they choose and I say okay pick one for right now
and I say okay pick one for right now
and I say okay pick one for right now that you’re feeling particularly strong
that you’re feeling particularly strong
that you’re feeling particularly strong in and write it down and put it on a
in and write it down and put it on a
in and write it down and put it on a nametag they’re like whoa okay so they
nametag they’re like whoa okay so they
nametag they’re like whoa okay so they do it because they’re good sports and
do it because they’re good sports and
do it because they’re good sports and then I say now I’m going to ask you to
then I say now I’m going to ask you to
then I say now I’m going to ask you to stand up and walk around the room and
stand up and walk around the room and
stand up and walk around the room and introduce yourself as that
introduce yourself as that
introduce yourself as that characteristic no names
characteristic no names
characteristic no names so people walk around and they say
so people walk around and they say
so people walk around and they say things like hi I’m willing to be
things like hi I’m willing to be
things like hi I’m willing to be influenced or hi I’m curious or hi I’m
influenced or hi I’m curious or hi I’m
influenced or hi I’m curious or hi I’m listening deeply and you should just see
listening deeply and you should just see
listening deeply and you should just see the energy that happens in the room when
the energy that happens in the room when
the energy that happens in the room when we do that and you’re thinking oh good
we do that and you’re thinking oh good
we do that and you’re thinking oh good somebody’s here who’s listening deeply
somebody’s here who’s listening deeply
somebody’s here who’s listening deeply thank God they were the only ones in a
thank God they were the only ones in a
thank God they were the only ones in a group of thirty we often get a lot of hi
group of thirty we often get a lot of hi
group of thirty we often get a lot of hi I’m interjecting humor so I asked them
I’m interjecting humor so I asked them
I’m interjecting humor so I asked them to do activities later on in the
to do activities later on in the
to do activities later on in the workshop that takes a little bit of
workshop that takes a little bit of
workshop that takes a little bit of bravery but the whole idea is that this
bravery but the whole idea is that this
bravery but the whole idea is that this is our best stuff and when we allow
is our best stuff and when we allow
is our best stuff and when we allow ourselves to introduce ourselves with
ourselves to introduce ourselves with
ourselves to introduce ourselves with our best stuff how that can change our
our best stuff how that can change our
our best stuff how that can change our connections imagine if you were to start
connections imagine if you were to start
connections imagine if you were to start your next meeting this way rather than a
your next meeting this way rather than a
your next meeting this way rather than a reading of the minutes or a round of
reading of the minutes or a round of
reading of the minutes or a round of introductions or worse no introductions
introductions or worse no introductions
introductions or worse no introductions at all I don’t know how many meetings
at all I don’t know how many meetings
at all I don’t know how many meetings have been in that people just dive into
have been in that people just dive into
have been in that people just dive into the work what if you were to do around
the work what if you were to do around
the work what if you were to do around and say well here’s the intention I’m
and say well here’s the intention I’m
and say well here’s the intention I’m bringing today I really want to be a
bringing today I really want to be a
bringing today I really want to be a good partner or I really want to be
good partner or I really want to be
good partner or I really want to be compassionate what is the quality what
compassionate what is the quality what
compassionate what is the quality what is the spirit of gracious face that you
is the spirit of gracious face that you
is the spirit of gracious face that you are bringing because even though it’s
are bringing because even though it’s
are bringing because even though it’s even as it’s true that the spirit of
even as it’s true that the spirit of
even as it’s true that the spirit of gracious face lives within us as
gracious face lives within us as
gracious face lives within us as individuals it also lives within us as a
individuals it also lives within us as a
individuals it also lives within us as a group and groups become known for
group and groups become known for
group and groups become known for something as well you know what it feels
something as well you know what it feels
something as well you know what it feels like when you walk into a room and
like when you walk into a room and
like when you walk into a room and there’s been a meeting just before you
there’s been a meeting just before you
there’s been a meeting just before you and you’re like whoa I wonder what just
and you’re like whoa I wonder what just
and you’re like whoa I wonder what just happened in here there’s that spirit of
happened in here there’s that spirit of
happened in here there’s that spirit of something right it’s contagious or you
something right it’s contagious or you
something right it’s contagious or you walk into a room and you’re like wow I’m
walk into a room and you’re like wow I’m
walk into a room and you’re like wow I’m sorry I missed it what was happening
sorry I missed it what was happening
sorry I missed it what was happening here so the invitation from gracious
here so the invitation from gracious
here so the invitation from gracious space is to be intentional how do you
space is to be intentional how do you
space is to be intentional how do you want to show up as individuals and as
want to show up as individuals and as
want to show up as individuals and as groups to claim your gracious space the
groups to claim your gracious space the
groups to claim your gracious space the next aspect of gracious face is the
next aspect of gracious face is the
next aspect of gracious face is the setting this is simply the physical
setting this is simply the physical
setting this is simply the physical environment where the interaction or the
environment where the interaction or the
environment where the interaction or the work the conversation takes place what’s
work the conversation takes place what’s
work the conversation takes place what’s the furniture like what’s the lighting
the furniture like what’s the lighting
the furniture like what’s the lighting are there windows can people see each
are there windows can people see each
are there windows can people see each other is there coffee is there chocolate
other is there coffee is there chocolate
other is there coffee is there chocolate goes a long way to creating a gracious
goes a long way to creating a gracious
goes a long way to creating a gracious space I’ll tell you right now and again
space I’ll tell you right now and again
space I’ll tell you right now and again it’s just about being intentional we
it’s just about being intentional we
it’s just about being intentional we have here a room this morning where
have here a room this morning where
have here a room this morning where you’re all eyes are on the speaker
you’re all eyes are on the speaker
you’re all eyes are on the speaker that’s intentional sometimes I’m in
that’s intentional sometimes I’m in
that’s intentional sometimes I’m in workshops and all eyes are on the
workshops and all eyes are on the
workshops and all eyes are on the speaker and I say no this is not going
speaker and I say no this is not going
speaker and I say no this is not going to work we need to have people at round
to work we need to have people at round
to work we need to have people at round tables I want them talking to each other
tables I want them talking to each other
tables I want them talking to each other the setting has to match your purpose
the setting has to match your purpose
the setting has to match your purpose your your means must meet your ends that
your your means must meet your ends that
your your means must meet your ends that you have in mind let me give you a
you have in mind let me give you a
you have in mind let me give you a couple of examples I once worked with a
couple of examples I once worked with a
couple of examples I once worked with a woman at a local utility and she said
woman at a local utility and she said
woman at a local utility and she said Pat I’ve only got one extra chair in my
Pat I’ve only got one extra chair in my
Pat I’ve only got one extra chair in my office and it’s full of reports and
office and it’s full of reports and
office and it’s full of reports and after we talked about gracious space she
after we talked about gracious space she
after we talked about gracious space she called me the next week and she said I
called me the next week and she said I
called me the next week and she said I took the reports off my chair now when
took the reports off my chair now when
took the reports off my chair now when people come to my office they can sit
people come to my office they can sit
people come to my office they can sit down and our meetings are so much better
down and our meetings are so much better
down and our meetings are so much better voila this stuff is free this is what I
voila this stuff is free this is what I
voila this stuff is free this is what I love about it another example that
love about it another example that
love about it another example that happened to me in my office my colleague
happened to me in my office my colleague
happened to me in my office my colleague Dale we were going to have a
Dale we were going to have a
Dale we were going to have a conversation that was gonna be a bit
conversation that was gonna be a bit
conversation that was gonna be a bit challenging a bit conflict and we have a
challenging a bit conflict and we have a
challenging a bit conflict and we have a rectangular conference room and a square
rectangular conference room and a square
rectangular conference room and a square table so very Euclidean he took the
table so very Euclidean he took the
table so very Euclidean he took the table and he tilted it kitty-corner I
table and he tilted it kitty-corner I
table and he tilted it kitty-corner I said Dale I know what you’re doing
said Dale I know what you’re doing
said Dale I know what you’re doing you’re trying to get me to see from a
you’re trying to get me to see from a
you’re trying to get me to see from a new perspective he said yes I am and I
new perspective he said yes I am and I
new perspective he said yes I am and I thought even though I knew what he was
thought even though I knew what he was
thought even though I knew what he was doing it worked because normally I sit
doing it worked because normally I sit
doing it worked because normally I sit here so I can see out the window because
here so I can see out the window because
here so I can see out the window because I love air but this time I had to sit
I love air but this time I had to sit
I love air but this time I had to sit here and darned if it didn’t remind me
here and darned if it didn’t remind me
here and darned if it didn’t remind me to have a different perspective during
to have a different perspective during
to have a different perspective during the meeting so the setting influences
the meeting so the setting influences
the meeting so the setting influences our thinking and it’s just an invitation
our thinking and it’s just an invitation
our thinking and it’s just an invitation to remember that and make some changes
to remember that and make some changes
to remember that and make some changes this is a picture of a of a mural at a
this is a picture of a of a mural at a
this is a picture of a of a mural at a playground at a school in California
playground at a school in California
playground at a school in California it’s an elementary school and the you
it’s an elementary school and the you
it’s an elementary school and the you can see in front it’s a bench and they
can see in front it’s a bench and they
can see in front it’s a bench and they call this they painted this wall they
call this they painted this wall they
call this they painted this wall they call it their gracious space bench and
call it their gracious space bench and
call it their gracious space bench and this is where the children go during
this is where the children go during
this is where the children go during recess when they need to take a little
recess when they need to take a little
recess when they need to take a little timeout and
timeout and
timeout and about their behavior and how they want
about their behavior and how they want
about their behavior and how they want to treat each other differently on the
to treat each other differently on the
to treat each other differently on the playground I love this this is a
playground I love this this is a
playground I love this this is a physical reminder of gracious space the
physical reminder of gracious space the
physical reminder of gracious space the idea about being intentional about our
idea about being intentional about our
idea about being intentional about our space we so often forget we’re busy we
space we so often forget we’re busy we
space we so often forget we’re busy we come in we just sit down we get to work
come in we just sit down we get to work
come in we just sit down we get to work so it’s an invitation to just take two
so it’s an invitation to just take two
so it’s an invitation to just take two minutes and think about the furniture is
minutes and think about the furniture is
minutes and think about the furniture is this going to work for me because if you
this going to work for me because if you
this going to work for me because if you don’t your whole good intent could go
don’t your whole good intent could go
don’t your whole good intent could go sideways and I have one of those
sideways and I have one of those
sideways and I have one of those examples as well my colleague Dale who I
examples as well my colleague Dale who I
examples as well my colleague Dale who I just mentioned was once invited to give
just mentioned was once invited to give
just mentioned was once invited to give a talk for employees at a hospital who
a talk for employees at a hospital who
a talk for employees at a hospital who had been let go and this was supposed to
had been let go and this was supposed to
had been let go and this was supposed to be one of these lifts you up next
be one of these lifts you up next
be one of these lifts you up next chapter of your career rah-rah gift to
chapter of your career rah-rah gift to
chapter of your career rah-rah gift to these folks who had been fired to get to
these folks who had been fired to get to
these folks who had been fired to get to the meeting room Dale had to come in the
the meeting room Dale had to come in the
the meeting room Dale had to come in the back door past the boiler room past a
back door past the boiler room past a
back door past the boiler room past a room called the morgue to a small room
room called the morgue to a small room
room called the morgue to a small room with no windows at the end of the hall
with no windows at the end of the hall
with no windows at the end of the hall and this is where these poor souls were
and this is where these poor souls were
and this is where these poor souls were coming to think about the next uplifting
coming to think about the next uplifting
coming to think about the next uplifting part of their lives needless to say it
part of their lives needless to say it
part of their lives needless to say it did not get off to a good start but
did not get off to a good start but
did not get off to a good start but Dale’s very talented so he did save the
Dale’s very talented so he did save the
Dale’s very talented so he did save the day so spirit and setting these are the
day so spirit and setting these are the
day so spirit and setting these are the first two elements of gracious space I
first two elements of gracious space I
first two elements of gracious space I think of them as daily gracious space
think of them as daily gracious space
think of them as daily gracious space you can do them without a lot of fanfare
you can do them without a lot of fanfare
you can do them without a lot of fanfare you don’t really have to tell anybody
you don’t really have to tell anybody
you don’t really have to tell anybody you can just say these are my
you can just say these are my
you can just say these are my characteristics of gracious space I’m
characteristics of gracious space I’m
characteristics of gracious space I’m going to put one in each pocket and off
going to put one in each pocket and off
going to put one in each pocket and off I go to have my day and I’m just going
I go to have my day and I’m just going
I go to have my day and I’m just going to pay attention to my physical setting
to pay attention to my physical setting
to pay attention to my physical setting maybe my workspace by bedroom my living
maybe my workspace by bedroom my living
maybe my workspace by bedroom my living room the kitchen where my meetings
room the kitchen where my meetings
room the kitchen where my meetings happen and just see if I can make it a
happen and just see if I can make it a
happen and just see if I can make it a little bit more friendly conducive
little bit more friendly conducive
little bit more friendly conducive bringing toys some people had ice cream
bringing toys some people had ice cream
bringing toys some people had ice cream socials I mean whatever you want to do
socials I mean whatever you want to do
socials I mean whatever you want to do these are the two the next two are a
these are the two the next two are a
these are the two the next two are a little bit more complicated because they
little bit more complicated because they
little bit more complicated because they involve other people you know how that
involve other people you know how that
involve other people you know how that tends to be true you try to do something
tends to be true you try to do something
tends to be true you try to do something and other people get involved this one
and other people get involved this one
and other people get involved this one is called invite the stranger
is called invite the stranger
is called invite the stranger and if spirit is probably the most
and if spirit is probably the most
and if spirit is probably the most important aspect of gracious space I
important aspect of gracious space I
important aspect of gracious space I think invite the stranger is the most
think invite the stranger is the most
think invite the stranger is the most difficult I call it the crux move
difficult I call it the crux move
difficult I call it the crux move because here is where we need to invite
because here is where we need to invite
because here is where we need to invite the other in and this is very active
the other in and this is very active
the other in and this is very active when we were first doing this work at
when we were first doing this work at
when we were first doing this work at the center we called it a place where
the center we called it a place where
the center we called it a place where the stranger feels welcome very nice but
the stranger feels welcome very nice but
the stranger feels welcome very nice but very passive like not a lot of
very passive like not a lot of
very passive like not a lot of responsibility for me
responsibility for me
responsibility for me the stranger shows up I hope they feel
the stranger shows up I hope they feel
the stranger shows up I hope they feel welcome this is if you need a different
welcome this is if you need a different
welcome this is if you need a different set of ideas perspectives somebody’s
set of ideas perspectives somebody’s
set of ideas perspectives somebody’s voice is missing go get it
voice is missing go get it
voice is missing go get it get up and go find whose voice do you
get up and go find whose voice do you
get up and go find whose voice do you need at the table why do we do this this
need at the table why do we do this this
need at the table why do we do this this could be very inconvenient it could be
could be very inconvenient it could be
could be very inconvenient it could be very uncomfortable it could be maybe a
very uncomfortable it could be maybe a
very uncomfortable it could be maybe a bit more time-consuming so why would we
bit more time-consuming so why would we
bit more time-consuming so why would we bother to go invite that which is
bother to go invite that which is
bother to go invite that which is strange to us whether it’s ideas or
strange to us whether it’s ideas or
strange to us whether it’s ideas or people or types of people because we
people or types of people because we
people or types of people because we believe that we’ll be smarter as a
believe that we’ll be smarter as a
believe that we’ll be smarter as a result that being inclusive is how we
result that being inclusive is how we
result that being inclusive is how we get things done we’ve heard a lot today
get things done we’ve heard a lot today
get things done we’ve heard a lot today about creativity and bringing people
about creativity and bringing people
about creativity and bringing people together and learning from difference
together and learning from difference
together and learning from difference that’s what this is all about an example
that’s what this is all about an example
that’s what this is all about an example when we were with the center early on
when we were with the center early on
when we were with the center early on the center was asked to facilitate a
the center was asked to facilitate a
the center was asked to facilitate a meeting about the homeless situation in
meeting about the homeless situation in
meeting about the homeless situation in Seattle great it’s all about the common
Seattle great it’s all about the common
Seattle great it’s all about the common good and to this meeting came folks from
good and to this meeting came folks from
good and to this meeting came folks from the religious community and businesses
the religious community and businesses
the religious community and businesses and the downtown Association and
and the downtown Association and
and the downtown Association and neighbors who cared and government
neighbors who cared and government
neighbors who cared and government officials and nonprofits and who did we
officials and nonprofits and who did we
officials and nonprofits and who did we forget the homeless whose voice is
forget the homeless whose voice is
forget the homeless whose voice is missing this is what we need to ask and
missing this is what we need to ask and
missing this is what we need to ask and how are we going to be changed by
how are we going to be changed by
how are we going to be changed by listening to these voices Peter Sangay
listening to these voices Peter Sangay
listening to these voices Peter Sangay says difference is an opportunity to
says difference is an opportunity to
says difference is an opportunity to learn something about the system I say
learn something about the system I say
learn something about the system I say if you are successful at inviting
if you are successful at inviting
if you are successful at inviting difference be careful because you may
difference be careful because you may
difference be careful because you may get conflict and people say well I
get conflict and people say well I
get conflict and people say well I didn’t want conflict I just wanted to
didn’t want conflict I just wanted to
didn’t want conflict I just wanted to you know be smarter and bring in
you know be smarter and bring in
you know be smarter and bring in different opinions well be careful
different opinions well be careful
different opinions well be careful because different opinions are different
because different opinions are different
because different opinions are different and they may make us uncomfortable and
and they may make us uncomfortable and
and they may make us uncomfortable and they may sound like conflict so gracious
they may sound like conflict so gracious
they may sound like conflict so gracious space is more than the floating leaf
space is more than the floating leaf
space is more than the floating leaf logo that I showed you at the beginning
logo that I showed you at the beginning
logo that I showed you at the beginning it is a place for our most difficult
it is a place for our most difficult
it is a place for our most difficult conversations in fact more difficult it
conversations in fact more difficult it
conversations in fact more difficult it is I believe the more gracious space we
is I believe the more gracious space we
is I believe the more gracious space we need because if we don’t invite these
need because if we don’t invite these
need because if we don’t invite these voices our change efforts are likely to
voices our change efforts are likely to
voices our change efforts are likely to fail and I often think of gracious space
fail and I often think of gracious space
fail and I often think of gracious space some people think oh it’s a safe
some people think oh it’s a safe
some people think oh it’s a safe grandma’s house kind of space I think of
grandma’s house kind of space I think of
grandma’s house kind of space I think of it you know it’s real space it’s brave
it you know it’s real space it’s brave
it you know it’s real space it’s brave space this is about accepting what’s on
space this is about accepting what’s on
space this is about accepting what’s on offer this is the yes and you know
offer this is the yes and you know
offer this is the yes and you know somebody offers something and how do you
somebody offers something and how do you
somebody offers something and how do you say yes to it and build on it rather
say yes to it and build on it rather
say yes to it and build on it rather than saying yeah but I often think of
than saying yeah but I often think of
than saying yeah but I often think of invite the stranger as the business case
invite the stranger as the business case
invite the stranger as the business case for gracious space some people we work
for gracious space some people we work
for gracious space some people we work with say gracious space it’s kind of
with say gracious space it’s kind of
with say gracious space it’s kind of woowoo it’s like okay would you like to
woowoo it’s like okay would you like to
woowoo it’s like okay would you like to make better decisions they say of course
make better decisions they say of course
make better decisions they say of course it’s like well here you go
it’s like well here you go
it’s like well here you go invite the stranger is how you get
invite the stranger is how you get
invite the stranger is how you get smarter before you make decisions my
smarter before you make decisions my
smarter before you make decisions my friend Richard uses this technique he
friend Richard uses this technique he
friend Richard uses this technique he worked for a global health organization
worked for a global health organization
worked for a global health organization and he was responsible for creating a
and he was responsible for creating a
and he was responsible for creating a strategic plan for meningitis in several
strategic plan for meningitis in several
strategic plan for meningitis in several African countries and he knew that this
African countries and he knew that this
African countries and he knew that this was going to be a very difficult sell so
was going to be a very difficult sell so
was going to be a very difficult sell so he says Pat you know sometimes you can’t
he says Pat you know sometimes you can’t
he says Pat you know sometimes you can’t get the stranger in the room so what he
get the stranger in the room so what he
get the stranger in the room so what he would do is literally leave an open
would do is literally leave an open
would do is literally leave an open chair and that was the seat for the
chair and that was the seat for the
chair and that was the seat for the stranger and at various points during
stranger and at various points during
stranger and at various points during their strategic planning process they
their strategic planning process they
their strategic planning process they would stop and they would say what would
would stop and they would say what would
would stop and they would say what would our critical friends say and these are
our critical friends say and these are
our critical friends say and these are friends that are critical to the project
friends that are critical to the project
friends that are critical to the project and friends that are critical of the
and friends that are critical of the
and friends that are critical of the project and by considering these
project and by considering these
project and by considering these different points of view they were able
different points of view they were able
different points of view they were able to make their strategic plan much more
to make their strategic plan much more
to make their strategic plan much more robust to consider the resistance that
robust to consider the resistance that
robust to consider the resistance that they were going to get and they were
they were going to get and they were
they were going to get and they were able to get it passed and accepted
able to get it passed and accepted
able to get it passed and accepted faster and easier than ever before and
faster and easier than ever before and
faster and easier than ever before and Richard says you know Pat sometimes
Richard says you know Pat sometimes
Richard says you know Pat sometimes inviting the stranger is not only
inviting the stranger is not only
inviting the stranger is not only impossible but it’s very annoying so
impossible but it’s very annoying so
impossible but it’s very annoying so this is another way that you can just
this is another way that you can just
this is another way that you can just leave the chair open for that person
leave the chair open for that person
leave the chair open for that person rather than have them there for real
rather than have them there for real
rather than have them there for real although I would always try to go for
although I would always try to go for
although I would always try to go for the real our final element of gracious
the real our final element of gracious
the real our final element of gracious space is learning in public and this is
space is learning in public and this is
space is learning in public and this is where it all comes together where all
where it all comes together where all
where it all comes together where all the puzzle pieces come together where we
the puzzle pieces come together where we
the puzzle pieces come together where we bring our best spirit into a setting
bring our best spirit into a setting
bring our best spirit into a setting that helps us do our work we’ve invited
that helps us do our work we’ve invited
that helps us do our work we’ve invited difference now
difference now
difference now the time to learn together we might just
the time to learn together we might just
the time to learn together we might just hear something new we might just change
hear something new we might just change
hear something new we might just change our mind while other people are watching
our mind while other people are watching
our mind while other people are watching so this can be a very vulnerable place
so this can be a very vulnerable place
so this can be a very vulnerable place to say I don’t know I’m not sure we
to say I don’t know I’m not sure we
to say I don’t know I’m not sure we haven’t done this before
haven’t done this before
haven’t done this before especially for leaders parents who are
especially for leaders parents who are
especially for leaders parents who are supposed to know the answer but in these
supposed to know the answer but in these
supposed to know the answer but in these times we can’t know all of the answers
times we can’t know all of the answers
times we can’t know all of the answers so having a culture where we say you
so having a culture where we say you
so having a culture where we say you need to unlearn some facts you need to
need to unlearn some facts you need to
need to unlearn some facts you need to not be so sure that you’re right about
not be so sure that you’re right about
not be so sure that you’re right about everything
everything
everything and reconsider your opinions so that you
and reconsider your opinions so that you
and reconsider your opinions so that you can truly participate in a democratic
can truly participate in a democratic
can truly participate in a democratic community and this is where I like to
community and this is where I like to
community and this is where I like to remind people that gracious space
remind people that gracious space
remind people that gracious space ultimately is a collaborative leadership
ultimately is a collaborative leadership
ultimately is a collaborative leadership model and that it is best used when we
model and that it is best used when we
model and that it is best used when we are trying to cross boundaries and work
are trying to cross boundaries and work
are trying to cross boundaries and work collaboratively together so I’ve given
collaboratively together so I’ve given
collaboratively together so I’ve given you several things to think about in
you several things to think about in
you several things to think about in terms of gracious space
terms of gracious space
terms of gracious space none of them are new in fact they’re
none of them are new in fact they’re
none of them are new in fact they’re probably as old as dirt but what the
probably as old as dirt but what the
probably as old as dirt but what the center has done in my opinion is to
center has done in my opinion is to
center has done in my opinion is to package them in such a way that we can
package them in such a way that we can
package them in such a way that we can remember them and it offers a common
remember them and it offers a common
remember them and it offers a common language and this is what people tell us
language and this is what people tell us
language and this is what people tell us can be most helpful about gracious space
can be most helpful about gracious space
can be most helpful about gracious space and the reason it matters for me the
and the reason it matters for me the
and the reason it matters for me the reason I do this work is I believe
reason I do this work is I believe
reason I do this work is I believe humans have not stopped evolving you
humans have not stopped evolving you
humans have not stopped evolving you know we figured out the thumbs and we’re
know we figured out the thumbs and we’re
know we figured out the thumbs and we’re kind of gut the erect thing going on
kind of gut the erect thing going on
kind of gut the erect thing going on I believe we’re continuing to find ways
I believe we’re continuing to find ways
I believe we’re continuing to find ways to connect and to care for each other
to connect and to care for each other
to connect and to care for each other and be kind to each other I believe that
and be kind to each other I believe that
and be kind to each other I believe that is our next stage of evolution that is
is our next stage of evolution that is
is our next stage of evolution that is why I do this work because I believe
why I do this work because I believe
why I do this work because I believe gracious space is one way to get there
gracious space is one way to get there
gracious space is one way to get there and that if we can turn toward each
and that if we can turn toward each
and that if we can turn toward each other
other
other and dance together something different
and dance together something different
and dance together something different will happen thank
will happen thank
will happen thank [Applause]
”
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