I want to start with one story.
It happened in Estonia several years ago
in one of the largest cities.
This story struck me to such an extent,
that I still can not believe even that it is real.
In the fact that it occurred in our country,
and the fact that such people can live close by.
In a large microdistrict in a block of flats
lived a family of four:
father, mother and two children.
One child is very small, and the second was in elementary school.
A third child was born in the family.
And here a few months after his birth
rumors spread throughout the city,
that the baby was dead, but his parents did not even notice.
About his suspicions that the little brother is suspiciously silent for a long time,
told his grandmother’s eldest son.
When social services came to the scene,
then the most terrible fears turned out to be true:
the kid was really dead about six days,
and my parents did not do anything about it.
What happened in this family?
Why did this happen?
The family is socially unsuccessful.
At the beginning of the month, they received child allowances
and day after day they drank,
and that kids do not interfere with rest,
they were injected intravenously with vodka.
Imagine:
large city, large microdistrict, apartment building,
children who cry, and then stop for a few days.
Pianka, especially at the beginning of the month.
Close relatives living in a neighboring house.
Well, they certainly knew about what was happening in the family.
Did no one see or know anything?
Could not these children have been saved?
When I personally think about this story,
then I can not help asking myself:
“What would have happened if I had been a neighbor myself?
Or, perhaps, one of you sitting in the hall. “
Would this story have such a tragic end,
or did this child have a chance to save?
Someone will think that this story is single.
And yes, you are right. Such stories, fortunately, do not happen every day.
What happened in this family is an exception,
but how many around children and families, where something is happening, where is help needed?
Perhaps a single mother was left without a job and can not find a new one.
And, as a result, he loses himself.
Perhaps the Pope believes that the main method of educating a child is a belt.
Well, after all, he was raised the same way? Did he make a man?
Hence, this is the only method of education that works.
In most cases, the problems arising in the family,
they do not arise out of nowhere.
Most often this is a latent problem,
which is exacerbated if she is not engaged.
If you do not take any measures to stop it.
The parent loses his job,
money is not enough,
from despair he begins to drink.
He drinks and does not pay attention to his child.
He does not talk with the child: he is ashamed of the fact,
that he can not give the child what other children have.
The more he is ashamed, the more he drinks.
The more he drinks, the less chance of getting a job.
If you do not intervene in time, there will be no way out of this situation.
If it is timely to notice such a family and such a problem, then there is a way out,
and the most terrible, as in my history, will not happen.
In most cases, of course, the solution to such problems is difficult to find.
And these are the problems that are not solved in one day.
It will take weeks, months, and maybe even more.
But there is a chance that something can be fixed.
Of course, this depends on many factors.
The very first factor is the moment when we intervened.
How long it lasts.
This is the professionalism of those people who will work with this family.
And this is the desire and motivation of the family itself.
Often at first it is not.
But this is just the task of specialists:
return faith in yourself and motivate parents to do something.
It is necessary to exert much effort on all sides.
It’s very hard, but it’s not impossible.
Every day, child welfare specialists, social workers, psychologists,
employees of non-governmental organizations,
who are engaged in all kinds of counseling,
providing social support and assistance, face such families and children.
And when they face them and start working,
then such a tragedy, as in my history, can be avoided.
Often the question is not even that the child will die
and how intact it will be physically.
There are many situations when a child suffers internally.
He suffers morally and psychologically,
and these are traumas that are not visible from the outside,
But they impose on the child such an imprint,
with whom he will later fight and fight all his life.
And not the fact that he will win.
Despite the fact that in Estonia the number of children living in poverty is decreasing,
We constantly hear reports about how,
that the quantity of social services which are accessible to the population increases,
quality is improving.
Despite all this, the number of children,
which fall into the field of view of social services or specialists in the protection of childhood,
annually continues to grow.
The latest data available for 2015,
say that there were 9,000 such children.
Of these, 3,000 children were included in the lists of childhood care for the past year.
And these are only those children, of whom we already know and are helped.
Let’s add about 3,000 children here,
who are already in orphanages, foster families and shelters.
By the way, only a little less than 250,000 children live in Estonia.
Uncomplicated arithmetic, we get 5%.
5% of children who live in Estonia are in trouble.
This is a huge percentage, it’s a huge amount.
And let’s take into account that every figure is life, health and the future of the child.
Well, the life and future of our country, respectively, too.
I’m afraid that I will not be mistaken if I say,
that, probably, every fourth of those sitting in this room,
but most likely more,
at least once in their life faced with the situation,
when you saw or suspected,
that there is a family nearby or there is a child who needs help.
The problems that can be in the family and because of which help is needed,
can be different.
They are aggravated by weak parental skills,
parents simply do not know how to raise a child,
what measures of influence to apply.
They do not know where to get advice,
how to solve their problems, which have arisen with finances, with debts, suppose.
They do not know how to apply for social assistance.
In our power to help them.
And for each person the form of how he can help is individual.
The main thing is that there should be help. It does not matter what.
For example, if you see a family that needs help,
let me know about it.
If you can not come and say something yourself, let me know about it.
Call the social department
or the police, if the situation is critical.
Often we think that the state should serve us.
The state should help, it must solve social problems.
But the state can not help those about whom it does not know.
If I do not have information that you need help,
I can not come and offer it.
And at some point it will be too late.
Do not be afraid that you will become an enemy of a neighbor
or call the police will be false.
Personally, I probably would be even pleased,
if at some point the neighbor knocked on me and asked if I was all right.
Do not you need to help me? Do not you need to somehow support me?
Yes, perhaps it is interference in my personal life,
but sometimes it’s even easy to know that you are not alone in this world
and someone worries about you,
this is already a very, very big help,
which will give you the opportunity to take a step further
and go through what you are now experiencing.
There are also situations in which your intervention is waiting.
It is necessary.
They wait and hope that violence will come to an end once.
Often, when the father severely punishes his children,
he is cruel to their mother.
This domestic domestic violence.
Not always a woman understands this.
There is a belief “it’s better such a father and husband than nothing at all.”
And in some situation, she simply can not do this step: go and tell,
especially if she is in a psychological
or financial dependence on a man.
In this situation, this intervention is necessary,
it will save you from further violence,
it will help to make a step and get out of this hole.
Of course, if you have a drunk alcoholic life outside your wall,
and you suspect that he is beating his child for the slightest fault,
do not need to be heroic,
It is not necessary at the height of all this action to knock on his door
and try to prove something to him.
Your life and health are also very important.
Call the police or, if the situation is waiting,
and this does not happen now, this very minute,
call social services.
They know what to do in this situation and how to cope with this situation.
Your privacy will also be guaranteed in this case.
For me, the question remains:
what prevents us from helping?
Why do we pass by when the situation can still be changed?
Why do we need a tragedy in order to do something?
The most common reason …
And here, I probably proceed from the number of questions and discussions …
This is that despite the fact that the city is full of advertising …
In social networks, the media – a large number of articles, advertising,
posters, brochures that talk about what to do, where to go.
People still do not know where to turn.
But there is also a situation where you seem to know everything,
and like you understand everything,
but when you come across a real situation,
when here it is in front of your nose,
you fall into a stupor
and do not understand what needs to be done.
Here’s another example.
Family of drug addicts stoned
they go on a tram with a two-year-old child.
And I stand and understand that yes, you need to call the police,
you need to accurately tell the number of the tram, where he goes,
what a stop, where you are, what’s going on.
And you stand and think:
“Why me?
And what will happen?
And what will I say, as I will explain,
where this tram is, it’s moving.
And what happens if the patrol arrives, will they leave?
What will the police say to me?
And if I make myself even worse?
Or maybe I misunderstood everything,
and they are not at all high, but just tired? “
Common situation? Collided with this, maybe?
And in my opinion, these issues, probably the main issues,
which often prevent us from helping:
“Why me?”, “What will happen to me?”
and “Suddenly, I do not understand everything as it really is?”.
And they do not have an unambiguous answer.
But sometimes, it’s probably better to be safe
and make this call than pass by.
After all, the damage from that awkward situation that we are going through,
he can not be compared with what this family and this child is going through.
Is it true that such a terrible thing will happen if you make a mistake?
Well?
You will have to apologize,
and you will experience a few awkward moments.
And on the other side of the scale is the life and health of the child.
And this can not be compared with several moments of awkwardness.
And as for the opinions of others,
Well personally I do not care at all, what about me think.
It is much more important for me personally that this is what I will think about myself,
that I will feel.
And the fact that my conscience is in front of me, at least,
and before this child will remain clean.
Someone is worried that my call to the social service will lead to the fact,
that the child will be removed from the family.
He will be taken away and sent to an orphanage.
Whatever the family, it’s a family, and it’s better than shelter.
But in fact, not one child is taken from the family on the first call.
Yes, maybe the situation when this measure is preventive and it is necessary,
because now, this minute, the life and health of the child – under threat.
This is a preventive measure in this case.
Situations, where possible, are clearly described in the law on the protection of the child.
But even in the event that the child was taken away from the family now,
this does not mean that he will never return to this family.
Perhaps, the threat to life and health of the child can be quickly prevented.
And the child will return, and he will remain in this family.
This is because the family for the child,
whatever she was, is a family in which there is nothing to eat, where there are no toys,
where parents drink, where the child is not well,
this is a family for a child.
And most children ask:
“Does he want another family, where there will be a lot of toys,
where they will go on excursions, where will be fun? “,
answer: “No, I do not want to.”
Before deciding to withdraw from the family,
social service will provide this family with all kinds of help.
These can be training courses, how to educate children,
how not to apply physical punishment,
this is all sorts of advice and much, much more.
In making its decision,
the social service always proceeds from the basic right of the child –
this is the right to a family.
And only those situations when nothing happens,
nothing affects this family,
can lead to the fact that the child is really taken away.
The earlier the family is helped, the more chances that the child will not be seized.
In memory of that kid, who sacrificed his life for the sake of,
so that we become a little more sensitive and attentive to each other,
let’s not be afraid to look around,
let’s learn to notice when you need help,
and timely provide it.
And it does not matter what kind of help, big or small,
but this is help and support,
which someone, perhaps, will save life.
Each child has the right to remain a child,
he has the right to live in his family,
he has the right to be loved and the right to be cared for.
And every parent has the right to be a parent,
there is a right to be helped, when necessary.
(Applause)
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