I want you all to start by closing your eyes and now focus on a physical
eyes and now focus on a physical
eyes and now focus on a physical attribute of yourself that you wish you
attribute of yourself that you wish you
attribute of yourself that you wish you could change this could be your hair
could change this could be your hair
could change this could be your hair eyes nose height weight and so on for me
eyes nose height weight and so on for me
eyes nose height weight and so on for me it’s my voice I just can’t stand the
it’s my voice I just can’t stand the
it’s my voice I just can’t stand the thing now I’m sure you’re all thinking
thing now I’m sure you’re all thinking
thing now I’m sure you’re all thinking wait this guy hates his voice but he’s
wait this guy hates his voice but he’s
wait this guy hates his voice but he’s giving a TED talk yes yes I am so now
giving a TED talk yes yes I am so now
giving a TED talk yes yes I am so now while your eyes are still closed I want
while your eyes are still closed I want
while your eyes are still closed I want you to focus on something else this time
you to focus on something else this time
you to focus on something else this time I want you to focus on on a social
I want you to focus on on a social
I want you to focus on on a social identity you have that you don’t
identity you have that you don’t
identity you have that you don’t actively tell others about this could be
actively tell others about this could be
actively tell others about this could be one that makes you feel ashamed or maybe
one that makes you feel ashamed or maybe
one that makes you feel ashamed or maybe one that makes you feel like the
one that makes you feel like the
one that makes you feel like the minority when you walk into a room next
minority when you walk into a room next
minority when you walk into a room next I want you to focus on one other
I want you to focus on one other
I want you to focus on one other identity but this time I want you to
identity but this time I want you to
identity but this time I want you to focus on the one that you are the most
focus on the one that you are the most
focus on the one that you are the most proud about the one that you wear on
proud about the one that you wear on
proud about the one that you wear on your sleeve every single day and the one
your sleeve every single day and the one
your sleeve every single day and the one that you shout from the rooftops with
that you shout from the rooftops with
that you shout from the rooftops with both of these identities in mind go
both of these identities in mind go
both of these identities in mind go ahead and open your eyes so what’s the
ahead and open your eyes so what’s the
ahead and open your eyes so what’s the difference between them does one provide
difference between them does one provide
difference between them does one provide you experience to live life while the
you experience to live life while the
you experience to live life while the other restricts you does the other
other restricts you does the other
other restricts you does the other proposed one provide you insight while
proposed one provide you insight while
proposed one provide you insight while the other restriction most importantly
the other restriction most importantly
the other restriction most importantly how does each relate how you connect
how does each relate how you connect
how does each relate how you connect with other people so I just posed for
with other people so I just posed for
with other people so I just posed for questions to you but now i’m sure you
questions to you but now i’m sure you
questions to you but now i’m sure you have a question for me why why does this
have a question for me why why does this
have a question for me why why does this matter so let’s go back to the two
matter so let’s go back to the two
matter so let’s go back to the two identities I didn’t ask any of you to
identities I didn’t ask any of you to
identities I didn’t ask any of you to share yours with me largely because this
share yours with me largely because this
share yours with me largely because this room would just become sheer and utter
room would just become sheer and utter
room would just become sheer and utter chaos with everyone shouting all at once
chaos with everyone shouting all at once
chaos with everyone shouting all at once so instead I’ll go ahead and tell you a
so instead I’ll go ahead and tell you a
so instead I’ll go ahead and tell you a little bit more about myself the
little bit more about myself the
little bit more about myself the identity that I hide and the one that I
identity that I hide and the one that I
identity that I hide and the one that I shout from the rooftops so with that
shout from the rooftops so with that
shout from the rooftops so with that said let’s start on the roof many of you
said let’s start on the roof many of you
said let’s start on the roof many of you may be unaware and others may have
may be unaware and others may have
may be unaware and others may have assumed that I identify with the LGBTQ
assumed that I identify with the LGBTQ
assumed that I identify with the LGBTQ IX community more specifically identify
IX community more specifically identify
IX community more specifically identify as gay sorry ladies
now again I know what you’re thinking
now again I know what you’re thinking this is just going to be another TED
this is just going to be another TED
this is just going to be another TED talk where some gay guys going to whine
talk where some gay guys going to whine
talk where some gay guys going to whine about how unfair the world is false but
about how unfair the world is false but
about how unfair the world is false but i do want to take you all on a journey
i do want to take you all on a journey
i do want to take you all on a journey back in time to the cultural hub that
back in time to the cultural hub that
back in time to the cultural hub that was rural oklahoma in 2013 i was a
was rural oklahoma in 2013 i was a
was rural oklahoma in 2013 i was a wide-eyed freshman college student who
wide-eyed freshman college student who
wide-eyed freshman college student who was getting ready to explore the world
was getting ready to explore the world
was getting ready to explore the world and to explore myself growing up I
and to explore myself growing up I
and to explore myself growing up I always knew there was something a little
always knew there was something a little
always knew there was something a little bit different about me from my peers
bit different about me from my peers
bit different about me from my peers while they were talking about the girls
while they were talking about the girls
while they were talking about the girls that they liked and the relationships
that they liked and the relationships
that they liked and the relationships that they wanted to start I would try
that they wanted to start I would try
that they wanted to start I would try and relate but just couldn’t but instead
and relate but just couldn’t but instead
and relate but just couldn’t but instead of exploring what made me different I
of exploring what made me different I
of exploring what made me different I hid the aspects of my personality speech
hid the aspects of my personality speech
hid the aspects of my personality speech mannerisms and even a tire out of fear
mannerisms and even a tire out of fear
mannerisms and even a tire out of fear that I would be ostracized by my family
that I would be ostracized by my family
that I would be ostracized by my family friends and community little did I know
friends and community little did I know
friends and community little did I know that coming out and embracing who I
that coming out and embracing who I
that coming out and embracing who I truly was and am would drastically
truly was and am would drastically
truly was and am would drastically change my life forever instead of losing
change my life forever instead of losing
change my life forever instead of losing good friends I found out who my true
good friends I found out who my true
good friends I found out who my true friends were instead of being ostracized
friends were instead of being ostracized
friends were instead of being ostracized by my community I was embraced by a new
by my community I was embraced by a new
by my community I was embraced by a new one and instead of losing family I added
one and instead of losing family I added
one and instead of losing family I added to it now before all of this could
to it now before all of this could
to it now before all of this could happen I just sorted by actually telling
happen I just sorted by actually telling
happen I just sorted by actually telling someone fortunately for me I had the
someone fortunately for me I had the
someone fortunately for me I had the support and love of my then friends and
support and love of my then friends and
support and love of my then friends and now brothers Cody and Jeremy without
now brothers Cody and Jeremy without
now brothers Cody and Jeremy without their love and support throughout my
their love and support throughout my
their love and support throughout my entire coming-out process and even today
entire coming-out process and even today
entire coming-out process and even today I likely would have taken the 12-story
I likely would have taken the 12-story
I likely would have taken the 12-story dropped from my freshman residence hall
dropped from my freshman residence hall
dropped from my freshman residence hall joining the nearly forty three percent
joining the nearly forty three percent
joining the nearly forty three percent of suicide victims ages 15 to 25 who
of suicide victims ages 15 to 25 who
of suicide victims ages 15 to 25 who identify as LGBT although many people do
identify as LGBT although many people do
identify as LGBT although many people do not consider it a social identity there
not consider it a social identity there
not consider it a social identity there are others like myself who identify as
are others like myself who identify as
are others like myself who identify as post suicidal because the truth is
post suicidal because the truth is
post suicidal because the truth is suicide unlike humans does not
suicide unlike humans does not
suicide unlike humans does not discriminate suicide does not care if
discriminate suicide does not care if
discriminate suicide does not care if you are gay or straight white or
you are gay or straight white or
you are gay or straight white or Hispanic male or female it can come for
Hispanic male or female it can come for
Hispanic male or female it can come for any of us and it came for me very early
any of us and it came for me very early
any of us and it came for me very early on in my process I hit a time where i
on in my process I hit a time where i
on in my process I hit a time where i was more alone more isolated more afraid
was more alone more isolated more afraid
was more alone more isolated more afraid than ever and I just couldn’t handle it
than ever and I just couldn’t handle it
than ever and I just couldn’t handle it fortunately one night Cody and I were
fortunately one night Cody and I were
fortunately one night Cody and I were coming back from the gym and he could
coming back from the gym and he could
coming back from the gym and he could tell that something was wrong and so he
tell that something was wrong and so he
tell that something was wrong and so he just asked me are you okay not even 10
just asked me are you okay not even 10
just asked me are you okay not even 10 seconds later I was
seconds later I was
seconds later I was I into his arms and I was explaining my
I into his arms and I was explaining my
I into his arms and I was explaining my fears my pain and finally my plan and he
fears my pain and finally my plan and he
fears my pain and finally my plan and he looked at me and said how can you be so
looked at me and said how can you be so
looked at me and said how can you be so selfish he explained that the pain that
selfish he explained that the pain that
selfish he explained that the pain that I would cause myself would also hurt
I would cause myself would also hurt
I would cause myself would also hurt those that I would leave behind but
those that I would leave behind but
those that I would leave behind but instead of judging me he embraced me and
instead of judging me he embraced me and
instead of judging me he embraced me and he connected with me until he knew that
he connected with me until he knew that
he connected with me until he knew that I would be okay these different parts of
I would be okay these different parts of
I would be okay these different parts of ourselves these different identities
ourselves these different identities
ourselves these different identities these different aspects can come
these different aspects can come
these different aspects can come together in what we call your
together in what we call your
together in what we call your multidimensional identity or what I like
multidimensional identity or what I like
multidimensional identity or what I like to call your you identity this process
to call your you identity this process
to call your you identity this process called identity synthesis is what
called identity synthesis is what
called identity synthesis is what enables us all to use our race ethnicity
enables us all to use our race ethnicity
enables us all to use our race ethnicity gender religion socio socioeconomic
gender religion socio socioeconomic
gender religion socio socioeconomic status and sexual orientation to better
status and sexual orientation to better
status and sexual orientation to better connect with the world around us and
connect with the world around us and
connect with the world around us and make positive impacts on people through
make positive impacts on people through
make positive impacts on people through our work and personal interactions don’t
our work and personal interactions don’t
our work and personal interactions don’t believe me let’s take one more journey
believe me let’s take one more journey
believe me let’s take one more journey back in time through my time with in
back in time through my time with in
back in time through my time with in University Housing it was a typical
University Housing it was a typical
University Housing it was a typical Sunday and I was our on-call personnel
Sunday and I was our on-call personnel
Sunday and I was our on-call personnel for the weekend a friend had stayed over
for the weekend a friend had stayed over
for the weekend a friend had stayed over and we’re going to go get lunch the next
and we’re going to go get lunch the next
and we’re going to go get lunch the next day when we woke up so naturally i got a
day when we woke up so naturally i got a
day when we woke up so naturally i got a call right before we were going to go it
call right before we were going to go it
call right before we were going to go it was the front desk and they did inform
was the front desk and they did inform
was the front desk and they did inform me that there was a suicidal resident in
me that there was a suicidal resident in
me that there was a suicidal resident in the building and let me tell you i have
the building and let me tell you i have
the building and let me tell you i have never gotten dressed so fast in my life
never gotten dressed so fast in my life
never gotten dressed so fast in my life the campus police and i were at that
the campus police and i were at that
the campus police and i were at that student store within three minutes and
student store within three minutes and
student store within three minutes and fortunately nothing had happened while
fortunately nothing had happened while
fortunately nothing had happened while they were going through their protocol
they were going through their protocol
they were going through their protocol and asking the questions that they
and asking the questions that they
and asking the questions that they needed to ask i noticed a tattoo on the
needed to ask i noticed a tattoo on the
needed to ask i noticed a tattoo on the young man’s chest it was a nautical star
young man’s chest it was a nautical star
young man’s chest it was a nautical star that at the time was a very popular
that at the time was a very popular
that at the time was a very popular tattoo for gay men to get so knowing
tattoo for gay men to get so knowing
tattoo for gay men to get so knowing this I asked him is your sexual is you
this I asked him is your sexual is you
this I asked him is your sexual is you it is your attempts of suicide relating
it is your attempts of suicide relating
it is your attempts of suicide relating to your sexual orientation and he froze
to your sexual orientation and he froze
to your sexual orientation and he froze and I could see the truth in him rather
and I could see the truth in him rather
and I could see the truth in him rather I could see myself in him because I had
I could see myself in him because I had
I could see myself in him because I had embraced both my sexual orientation and
embraced both my sexual orientation and
embraced both my sexual orientation and my post suicidal identities I was able
my post suicidal identities I was able
my post suicidal identities I was able to connect with that young man and I’m
to connect with that young man and I’m
to connect with that young man and I’m happy to say that he did get the help
happy to say that he did get the help
happy to say that he did get the help that he needed and actually graduated
that he needed and actually graduated
that he needed and actually graduated from college later that year always
from college later that year always
from college later that year always remember that these identities these
remember that these identities these
remember that these identities these aspects of yourself
aspects of yourself
aspects of yourself do not define you but rather they make
do not define you but rather they make
do not define you but rather they make up your you identity and always remember
up your you identity and always remember
up your you identity and always remember that embracing your identities and
that embracing your identities and
that embracing your identities and living your truth can help better the
living your truth can help better the
living your truth can help better the world around you and even save a life
world around you and even save a life
world around you and even save a life thank you
thank you
thank you [Applause]
”
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