who’ve you can identify with the following situation you set a new goal
following situation you set a new goal
following situation you set a new goal for yourself and in the beginning you’re
for yourself and in the beginning you’re
for yourself and in the beginning you’re self disciplined and you work really
self disciplined and you work really
self disciplined and you work really hard to reach that goal but after a
hard to reach that goal but after a
hard to reach that goal but after a while you do less and less of it and
while you do less and less of it and
while you do less and less of it and maybe in the end you stop pursuing it
maybe in the end you stop pursuing it
maybe in the end you stop pursuing it all together just that’s not familiar to
all together just that’s not familiar to
all together just that’s not familiar to anyone please raise your hand okay well
anyone please raise your hand okay well
anyone please raise your hand okay well I’m a social psychologist and a study
I’m a social psychologist and a study
I’m a social psychologist and a study self-control when I talk about
self-control when I talk about
self-control when I talk about self-control
self-control
self-control I mean overcoming our short-term
I mean overcoming our short-term
I mean overcoming our short-term impulses in order to reach our long-term
impulses in order to reach our long-term
impulses in order to reach our long-term goals successful self-control requires
goals successful self-control requires
goals successful self-control requires that we prioritize working over taking a
that we prioritize working over taking a
that we prioritize working over taking a break running that extra mile the
break running that extra mile the
break running that extra mile the treadmill / pushing a stop button
treadmill / pushing a stop button
treadmill / pushing a stop button studying / having fun with friends and
studying / having fun with friends and
studying / having fun with friends and so on when we don’t manage to exert
so on when we don’t manage to exert
so on when we don’t manage to exert self-control not to offend anyone who
self-control not to offend anyone who
self-control not to offend anyone who just raised their hand we call this in
just raised their hand we call this in
just raised their hand we call this in psychology self-control failure and
psychology self-control failure and
psychology self-control failure and normally when I tell people what I
normally when I tell people what I
normally when I tell people what I research they ask me so how do I get
research they ask me so how do I get
research they ask me so how do I get better at this and I will elaborate on
better at this and I will elaborate on
better at this and I will elaborate on some strategies based on the latest
some strategies based on the latest
some strategies based on the latest scientific findings but I won’t talk
scientific findings but I won’t talk
scientific findings but I won’t talk about any of this today because the
about any of this today because the
about any of this today because the truth is it never gets easy as much as I
truth is it never gets easy as much as I
truth is it never gets easy as much as I have been looking for the holy grail of
have been looking for the holy grail of
have been looking for the holy grail of self-control I still suck at it
self-control I still suck at it
self-control I still suck at it and the realization that self-control
and the realization that self-control
and the realization that self-control the engagement and labor the exertion of
the engagement and labor the exertion of
the engagement and labor the exertion of effort never gets easy kept me wondering
effort never gets easy kept me wondering
effort never gets easy kept me wondering why are we designed in a way that
why are we designed in a way that
why are we designed in a way that self-control is hard and vanishes over
self-control is hard and vanishes over
self-control is hard and vanishes over time self-control is – so many positive
time self-control is – so many positive
time self-control is – so many positive outcomes careers get grades health even
outcomes careers get grades health even
outcomes careers get grades health even money my life would be so much easier if
money my life would be so much easier if
money my life would be so much easier if putting in the effort to reach my goals
putting in the effort to reach my goals
putting in the effort to reach my goals was easy if nothing could bring me
was easy if nothing could bring me
was easy if nothing could bring me greater joy than pursuing my goals why
greater joy than pursuing my goals why
greater joy than pursuing my goals why are we designed in a way that
are we designed in a way that
are we designed in a way that self-control is effortful in order to
self-control is effortful in order to
self-control is effortful in order to find out I conducted a little study of
find out I conducted a little study of
find out I conducted a little study of course you can’t ask participants
course you can’t ask participants
course you can’t ask participants why are you designed in a
why are you designed in a
why are you designed in a that self-control is effortful so
that self-control is effortful so
that self-control is effortful so instead I ask them what are some of the
instead I ask them what are some of the
instead I ask them what are some of the things that prevent you from pursuing a
things that prevent you from pursuing a
things that prevent you from pursuing a goal what are some of the things that
goal what are some of the things that
goal what are some of the things that make you quit a test that you’re working
make you quit a test that you’re working
make you quit a test that you’re working on and an interesting common theme that
on and an interesting common theme that
on and an interesting common theme that people mentioned over and over again was
people mentioned over and over again was
people mentioned over and over again was the extent to which they had other more
the extent to which they had other more
the extent to which they had other more preferred things to do that means it’s
preferred things to do that means it’s
preferred things to do that means it’s not simply the case that we just liked
not simply the case that we just liked
not simply the case that we just liked doing the things that are effortful that
doing the things that are effortful that
doing the things that are effortful that we’re not able to persist in our goals
we’re not able to persist in our goals
we’re not able to persist in our goals or that were just lazy trust me if your
or that were just lazy trust me if your
or that were just lazy trust me if your life would depend on it you would manage
life would depend on it you would manage
life would depend on it you would manage to go to the gym every day but these
to go to the gym every day but these
to go to the gym every day but these results showed as a phenomenon that’s
results showed as a phenomenon that’s
results showed as a phenomenon that’s actually backed up by economic theory
actually backed up by economic theory
actually backed up by economic theory called opportunity costs it’s the cost
called opportunity costs it’s the cost
called opportunity costs it’s the cost you have when you decide to do one thing
you have when you decide to do one thing
you have when you decide to do one thing and therefore must forego doing
and therefore must forego doing
and therefore must forego doing something else for example when we spend
something else for example when we spend
something else for example when we spend money on one thing we cannot spend it
money on one thing we cannot spend it
money on one thing we cannot spend it elsewhere and when we work we cannot
elsewhere and when we work we cannot
elsewhere and when we work we cannot play opportunity costs can have serious
play opportunity costs can have serious
play opportunity costs can have serious consequences and only recently have
consequences and only recently have
consequences and only recently have psychologists and myself included
psychologists and myself included
psychologists and myself included applied the concept of opportunity costs
applied the concept of opportunity costs
applied the concept of opportunity costs to psychology it’s the cost of missing
to psychology it’s the cost of missing
to psychology it’s the cost of missing out on another preferred activity that
out on another preferred activity that
out on another preferred activity that makes self-control so hard for us to
makes self-control so hard for us to
makes self-control so hard for us to give you an example when I was a child I
give you an example when I was a child I
give you an example when I was a child I was taking these piano lessons but I
was taking these piano lessons but I
was taking these piano lessons but I never wanted to practice so it was
never wanted to practice so it was
never wanted to practice so it was basically the nightmare of every Tiger
basically the nightmare of every Tiger
basically the nightmare of every Tiger mom but it wasn’t simply the case that I
mom but it wasn’t simply the case that I
mom but it wasn’t simply the case that I didn’t enjoy practicing the piano rather
didn’t enjoy practicing the piano rather
didn’t enjoy practicing the piano rather my opportunity cost God in the way not
my opportunity cost God in the way not
my opportunity cost God in the way not being able to play with the other
being able to play with the other
being able to play with the other children and practicing in light of
children and practicing in light of
children and practicing in light of these opportunity costs made practicing
these opportunity costs made practicing
these opportunity costs made practicing the piano more effortful a year ago I
the piano more effortful a year ago I
the piano more effortful a year ago I conducted a study with 400 students from
conducted a study with 400 students from
conducted a study with 400 students from different fields and employees from
different fields and employees from
different fields and employees from various professions it was a study on
various professions it was a study on
various professions it was a study on work-life balance and they received a
work-life balance and they received a
work-life balance and they received a survey seven times a day over the course
survey seven times a day over the course
survey seven times a day over the course of an entire week and I asked them three
of an entire week and I asked them three
of an entire week and I asked them three things whether um how happy they were at
things whether um how happy they were at
things whether um how happy they were at any given moment whether they were
any given moment whether they were
any given moment whether they were engaging in wordgirl leisure and whether
engaging in wordgirl leisure and whether
engaging in wordgirl leisure and whether they were experiencing
they were experiencing
they were experiencing opportunity costs what I expected to
opportunity costs what I expected to
opportunity costs what I expected to find was what we call a curvilinear
find was what we call a curvilinear
find was what we call a curvilinear relationship people would be unhappy
relationship people would be unhappy
relationship people would be unhappy when they worked too much but there
when they worked too much but there
when they worked too much but there should also be unhappy with too little
should also be unhappy with too little
should also be unhappy with too little work but there would be the sweet spot
work but there would be the sweet spot
work but there would be the sweet spot in the middle the moderate amount of
in the middle the moderate amount of
in the middle the moderate amount of work where people would be the happiest
work where people would be the happiest
work where people would be the happiest but this wasn’t at all what I found when
but this wasn’t at all what I found when
but this wasn’t at all what I found when I actually found was a strong negative
I actually found was a strong negative
I actually found was a strong negative relationship between happiness and work
relationship between happiness and work
relationship between happiness and work people were the happiest with a low
people were the happiest with a low
people were the happiest with a low amount of work and the more they work
amount of work and the more they work
amount of work and the more they work than happier they became interestingly
than happier they became interestingly
than happier they became interestingly when influencing factor was the
when influencing factor was the
when influencing factor was the perception of opportunity costs when
perception of opportunity costs when
perception of opportunity costs when I’ve worked participants indicated
I’ve worked participants indicated
I’ve worked participants indicated they’d rather spend the time doing
they’d rather spend the time doing
they’d rather spend the time doing something else such as spending it with
something else such as spending it with
something else such as spending it with people that matter to them engaging in
people that matter to them engaging in
people that matter to them engaging in laborious activities that they ought to
laborious activities that they ought to
laborious activities that they ought to do they had to forego the opportunity to
do they had to forego the opportunity to
do they had to forego the opportunity to engage in leisurely activities that they
engage in leisurely activities that they
engage in leisurely activities that they want to do and when we looked at the
want to do and when we looked at the
want to do and when we looked at the breakdown of their exact opportunity
breakdown of their exact opportunity
breakdown of their exact opportunity costs they were hardly ever about work
costs they were hardly ever about work
costs they were hardly ever about work most of the times they were about
most of the times they were about
most of the times they were about leisure related activities such as
leisure related activities such as
leisure related activities such as hobbies time for the self and time for
hobbies time for the self and time for
hobbies time for the self and time for other people and this resonates pretty
other people and this resonates pretty
other people and this resonates pretty well with research that has looked at
well with research that has looked at
well with research that has looked at regrets of the dying so among the many
regrets of the dying so among the many
regrets of the dying so among the many things that people regret the most when
things that people regret the most when
things that people regret the most when they die is the extent to which they
they die is the extent to which they
they die is the extent to which they traded the opportunity to socially
traded the opportunity to socially
traded the opportunity to socially connect for work I wish I’d worked less
connect for work I wish I’d worked less
connect for work I wish I’d worked less I wish I’d stayed in touch with my
I wish I’d stayed in touch with my
I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends I wish I’d spend more time with
friends I wish I’d spend more time with
friends I wish I’d spend more time with my family these regrets on death beds
my family these regrets on death beds
my family these regrets on death beds all crave for human connection and what
all crave for human connection and what
all crave for human connection and what the longest study and Happiness going
the longest study and Happiness going
the longest study and Happiness going for over 75 years now shows is that the
for over 75 years now shows is that the
for over 75 years now shows is that the most satisfied people and the most happy
most satisfied people and the most happy
most satisfied people and the most happy people are the ones and stable
people are the ones and stable
people are the ones and stable relationships and when we look around
relationships and when we look around
relationships and when we look around it’s social media that has
it’s social media that has
it’s social media that has revolutionized the internet and the way
revolutionized the internet and the way
revolutionized the internet and the way we communicate which is basically just a
we communicate which is basically just a
we communicate which is basically just a modern expression of our innate desire
modern expression of our innate desire
modern expression of our innate desire to be connected to other people but
to be connected to other people but
to be connected to other people but relationships take time something we
relationships take time something we
relationships take time something we believe we may not always have in our
believe we may not always have in our
believe we may not always have in our busy lives as
busy lives as
busy lives as society we value work overplay
society we value work overplay
society we value work overplay productivity or the laziness sites of
productivity or the laziness sites of
productivity or the laziness sites of self-discipline or slacking we say
self-discipline or slacking we say
self-discipline or slacking we say children should be allowed to play or
children should be allowed to play or
children should be allowed to play or forget this former adult so as a
forget this former adult so as a
forget this former adult so as a consequence on an average work day we
consequence on an average work day we
consequence on an average work day we spend eight point nine hours doing
spend eight point nine hours doing
spend eight point nine hours doing something work-related and only two and
something work-related and only two and
something work-related and only two and a half hours doing something leisure
a half hours doing something leisure
a half hours doing something leisure related which means only two and a half
related which means only two and a half
related which means only two and a half hours for hobbies for ourselves
hours for hobbies for ourselves
hours for hobbies for ourselves and for other people that’s the Japanese
and for other people that’s the Japanese
and for other people that’s the Japanese word Hiroshi it means death from being
word Hiroshi it means death from being
word Hiroshi it means death from being overworked and it’s a serious issue in
overworked and it’s a serious issue in
overworked and it’s a serious issue in Japan and my work I’ve also looked at
Japan and my work I’ve also looked at
Japan and my work I’ve also looked at workaholism and opportunity costs
workaholism and opportunity costs
workaholism and opportunity costs workaholic is a person who works
workaholic is a person who works
workaholic is a person who works compulsively it’s not a healthy
compulsively it’s not a healthy
compulsively it’s not a healthy condition as you may imagine and may
condition as you may imagine and may
condition as you may imagine and may lead to Karoshi
lead to Karoshi
lead to Karoshi or other negative health-related
or other negative health-related
or other negative health-related consequences we may not always die and
consequences we may not always die and
consequences we may not always die and what I found was that people who scored
what I found was that people who scored
what I found was that people who scored high workaholism were more likely to
high workaholism were more likely to
high workaholism were more likely to experience opportunity cost in the
experience opportunity cost in the
experience opportunity cost in the opposite direction feeling like they
opposite direction feeling like they
opposite direction feeling like they were missing out on work when they were
were missing out on work when they were
were missing out on work when they were taking a break a woman once said it
taking a break a woman once said it
taking a break a woman once said it feels undisciplined it feels wasteful I
feels undisciplined it feels wasteful I
feels undisciplined it feels wasteful I don’t know if I will do such thing ever
don’t know if I will do such thing ever
don’t know if I will do such thing ever again what awful thing you believe this
again what awful thing you believe this
again what awful thing you believe this woman did well she watched a movie on
woman did well she watched a movie on
woman did well she watched a movie on Netflix for the first time and feels
Netflix for the first time and feels
Netflix for the first time and feels guilty about it isn’t it a weird moral
guilty about it isn’t it a weird moral
guilty about it isn’t it a weird moral system and which one may feel guilty
system and which one may feel guilty
system and which one may feel guilty about being unproductive and as society
about being unproductive and as society
about being unproductive and as society we have an Ultima realistic view of
we have an Ultima realistic view of
we have an Ultima realistic view of productivity thanks to what is called
productivity thanks to what is called
productivity thanks to what is called capitalism and the Protestant work ethic
capitalism and the Protestant work ethic
capitalism and the Protestant work ethic which is the idea that God praises the
which is the idea that God praises the
which is the idea that God praises the ones only who produce and devote their
ones only who produce and devote their
ones only who produce and devote their lives to labor as Max Weber wrote lots
lives to labor as Max Weber wrote lots
lives to labor as Max Weber wrote lots of time through searchable ‘ti idle talk
of time through searchable ‘ti idle talk
of time through searchable ‘ti idle talk luxury even more sleep than necessary
luxury even more sleep than necessary
luxury even more sleep than necessary six to at most eight hours is worthy of
six to at most eight hours is worthy of
six to at most eight hours is worthy of absolute moral condemnation half work
absolute moral condemnation half work
absolute moral condemnation half work performance and diligence when signs of
performance and diligence when signs of
performance and diligence when signs of grace and salvation have turned into
grace and salvation have turned into
grace and salvation have turned into inspired values in
inspired values in
inspired values in so that we spend our lives contributing
so that we spend our lives contributing
so that we spend our lives contributing to the GDP instead of enjoying it and
to the GDP instead of enjoying it and
to the GDP instead of enjoying it and except I’m poverty as a necessary
except I’m poverty as a necessary
except I’m poverty as a necessary condition for employment so in the
condition for employment so in the
condition for employment so in the beginning I asked the question why are
beginning I asked the question why are
beginning I asked the question why are we designed in a way that self-control
we designed in a way that self-control
we designed in a way that self-control is effortful I believe there’s a reason
is effortful I believe there’s a reason
is effortful I believe there’s a reason it’s for our own good to experience
it’s for our own good to experience
it’s for our own good to experience opportunity costs because they serve as
opportunity costs because they serve as
opportunity costs because they serve as a signal that tells us to switch from
a signal that tells us to switch from
a signal that tells us to switch from labor to leisure from work to life and I
labor to leisure from work to life and I
labor to leisure from work to life and I believe we can be just as productive
believe we can be just as productive
believe we can be just as productive when we take a break when we build
when we take a break when we build
when we take a break when we build relationships when we’re socially active
relationships when we’re socially active
relationships when we’re socially active online or in real life because this is
online or in real life because this is
online or in real life because this is what might benefit us in the long run if
what might benefit us in the long run if
what might benefit us in the long run if you’re an employer you may wonder okay
you’re an employer you may wonder okay
you’re an employer you may wonder okay what can you possibly do to increase
what can you possibly do to increase
what can you possibly do to increase your employees happiness
your employees happiness
your employees happiness and I think there are three things you
and I think there are three things you
and I think there are three things you can possibly do to minimize your
can possibly do to minimize your
can possibly do to minimize your employees opportunity costs the first
employees opportunity costs the first
employees opportunity costs the first recommendation is to have a lot of paid
recommendation is to have a lot of paid
recommendation is to have a lot of paid holidays 30 at a minimum I think we’re
holidays 30 at a minimum I think we’re
holidays 30 at a minimum I think we’re not doing bad in Germany where the
not doing bad in Germany where the
not doing bad in Germany where the average person has 29 but with 20 being
average person has 29 but with 20 being
average person has 29 but with 20 being the minimum I think we could do better
the minimum I think we could do better
the minimum I think we could do better and there’s some countries for tennis’
and there’s some countries for tennis’
and there’s some countries for tennis’ the minimum which i think is too little
the minimum which i think is too little
the minimum which i think is too little and my second recommendation would be
and my second recommendation would be
and my second recommendation would be on-site opportunities to play games or
on-site opportunities to play games or
on-site opportunities to play games or sports or other form of hobbies so that
sports or other form of hobbies so that
sports or other form of hobbies so that your employees can take a leisurely
your employees can take a leisurely
your employees can take a leisurely break whenever necessary and my third
break whenever necessary and my third
break whenever necessary and my third recommendation is make no emails on
recommendation is make no emails on
recommendation is make no emails on evenings or on weekends a rule because
evenings or on weekends a rule because
evenings or on weekends a rule because this is time to unwind and to relax and
this is time to unwind and to relax and
this is time to unwind and to relax and I think those recommendations are
I think those recommendations are
I think those recommendations are important because nothing neither work
important because nothing neither work
important because nothing neither work nor play is more valuable than the other
nor play is more valuable than the other
nor play is more valuable than the other in order to flourish in life we need
in order to flourish in life we need
in order to flourish in life we need both we need careers and accomplishments
both we need careers and accomplishments
both we need careers and accomplishments on the one side but also play in
on the one side but also play in
on the one side but also play in relationships on the other side so for
relationships on the other side so for
relationships on the other side so for all these years I’ve been searching the
all these years I’ve been searching the
all these years I’ve been searching the holy grail of self-control but the
holy grail of self-control but the
holy grail of self-control but the realization of opportunity costs has
realization of opportunity costs has
realization of opportunity costs has shifted my perspective and I hope today
shifted my perspective and I hope today
shifted my perspective and I hope today it has also shifted yours opportunity is
it has also shifted yours opportunity is
it has also shifted yours opportunity is a currency and we should spend it well
a currency and we should spend it well
a currency and we should spend it well so I want to leave you with free
so I want to leave you with free
so I want to leave you with free takeaway
takeaway
takeaway focus on relationships rethink the value
focus on relationships rethink the value
focus on relationships rethink the value that you place on work and self-control
that you place on work and self-control
that you place on work and self-control failure is not always a failure it helps
failure is not always a failure it helps
failure is not always a failure it helps us to prevent Karoshi and lets us take
us to prevent Karoshi and lets us take
us to prevent Karoshi and lets us take part in this adventure called life thank
part in this adventure called life thank
part in this adventure called life thank you
”
Be First to Comment