society gives women a really mixed message we tell abused women that if you
message we tell abused women that if you
message we tell abused women that if you or your children are being harmed by
or your children are being harmed by
or your children are being harmed by your husband or your partner you have an
your husband or your partner you have an
your husband or your partner you have an obligation to protect your children you
obligation to protect your children you
obligation to protect your children you must leave that situation and get to
must leave that situation and get to
must leave that situation and get to safety society we are under the
safety society we are under the
safety society we are under the impression that when she does take the
impression that when she does take the
impression that when she does take the steps to leave and get out to safety
steps to leave and get out to safety
steps to leave and get out to safety that the family court system is going to
that the family court system is going to
that the family court system is going to protect her rights and her children’s
protect her rights and her children’s
protect her rights and her children’s rights to safety and economic stability
rights to safety and economic stability
rights to safety and economic stability nothing could be farther from the truth
nothing could be farther from the truth
nothing could be farther from the truth the Department of Justice conducted a
the Department of Justice conducted a
the Department of Justice conducted a study it’s called the Saunders study and
study it’s called the Saunders study and
study it’s called the Saunders study and dr. Daniel Saunders investigated family
dr. Daniel Saunders investigated family
dr. Daniel Saunders investigated family courts and to see how their processes
courts and to see how their processes
courts and to see how their processes work and what he found was that judges
work and what he found was that judges
work and what he found was that judges attorneys guardian ad litems which are
attorneys guardian ad litems which are
attorneys guardian ad litems which are attorneys for the children
attorneys for the children
attorneys for the children parenting evaluators they do not have
parenting evaluators they do not have
parenting evaluators they do not have the training necessary to be handling
the training necessary to be handling
the training necessary to be handling cases that have domestic violence or
cases that have domestic violence or
cases that have domestic violence or child sexual abuse in them so what
child sexual abuse in them so what
child sexual abuse in them so what happens really bad decisions are going
happens really bad decisions are going
happens really bad decisions are going to be made by untrained professionals
to be made by untrained professionals
to be made by untrained professionals the CDC conducted a study called the ACE
the CDC conducted a study called the ACE
the CDC conducted a study called the ACE study it’s one of the largest medical
study it’s one of the largest medical
study it’s one of the largest medical investigations ever conducted to assess
investigations ever conducted to assess
investigations ever conducted to assess the healthcare consequences to children
the healthcare consequences to children
the healthcare consequences to children being exposed to toxic stress they
being exposed to toxic stress they
being exposed to toxic stress they wanted to find out what does it do to
wanted to find out what does it do to
wanted to find out what does it do to the body what they found was that toxic
the body what they found was that toxic
the body what they found was that toxic stress caused by domestic violence child
stress caused by domestic violence child
stress caused by domestic violence child sexual abuse a drug or alcohol addicted
sexual abuse a drug or alcohol addicted
sexual abuse a drug or alcohol addicted parent or being separated from your
parent or being separated from your
parent or being separated from your primary attachment parent will cause you
primary attachment parent will cause you
primary attachment parent will cause you to have immediate injuries and illnesses
to have immediate injuries and illnesses
to have immediate injuries and illnesses long-term injuries and illness
long-term injuries and illness
long-term injuries and illness and it will reduce your life expectancy
and it will reduce your life expectancy
and it will reduce your life expectancy of as much as 20 years
of as much as 20 years
of as much as 20 years aces are a public health issue they are
aces are a public health issue they are
aces are a public health issue they are related to the ten leading causes of
related to the ten leading causes of
related to the ten leading causes of death in the nation heart disease
death in the nation heart disease
death in the nation heart disease depression anxiety cancer a really good
depression anxiety cancer a really good
depression anxiety cancer a really good friend of mine a dear friend and
friend of mine a dear friend and
friend of mine a dear friend and colleague Lundy Bancroft and I have been
colleague Lundy Bancroft and I have been
colleague Lundy Bancroft and I have been working on a play together
working on a play together
working on a play together this play is called forbidden to protect
this play is called forbidden to protect
this play is called forbidden to protect for the past five years we’ve been
for the past five years we’ve been
for the past five years we’ve been interviewing victims all over the
interviewing victims all over the
interviewing victims all over the country who have been failed by a family
country who have been failed by a family
country who have been failed by a family court system and their lives have been
court system and their lives have been
court system and their lives have been irreparably harmed by it Lundy is a
irreparably harmed by it Lundy is a
irreparably harmed by it Lundy is a national and international domestic
national and international domestic
national and international domestic violence author experts and an expert on
violence author experts and an expert on
violence author experts and an expert on child maltreatment some of the stories
child maltreatment some of the stories
child maltreatment some of the stories that we are telling are actually the
that we are telling are actually the
that we are telling are actually the real stories from victims and we’re
real stories from victims and we’re
real stories from victims and we’re backing them up with transcripts so
backing them up with transcripts so
backing them up with transcripts so nobody can say this can’t be happening
nobody can say this can’t be happening
nobody can say this can’t be happening we’re gonna give you the real proof some
we’re gonna give you the real proof some
we’re gonna give you the real proof some of the stories include included our
of the stories include included our
of the stories include included our ELISA who is a mother of two and married
ELISA who is a mother of two and married
ELISA who is a mother of two and married when her daughter was 12 years old she
when her daughter was 12 years old she
when her daughter was 12 years old she tried to commit suicide her mother was
tried to commit suicide her mother was
tried to commit suicide her mother was devastated when she was at the hospital
devastated when she was at the hospital
devastated when she was at the hospital the hospital staff informed her that her
the hospital staff informed her that her
the hospital staff informed her that her daughter was telling them that her
daughter was telling them that her
daughter was telling them that her husband was sexually abusing her like
husband was sexually abusing her like
husband was sexually abusing her like any good mother she brand a family court
any good mother she brand a family court
any good mother she brand a family court she filed for a divorce and protective
she filed for a divorce and protective
she filed for a divorce and protective orders for her children she was divorced
orders for her children she was divorced
orders for her children she was divorced in New Jersey moved out of state to
in New Jersey moved out of state to
in New Jersey moved out of state to raise her children and had to move into
raise her children and had to move into
raise her children and had to move into her parents house in Long Island because
her parents house in Long Island because
her parents house in Long Island because the attorneys fees were exorbitant and
the attorneys fees were exorbitant and
the attorneys fees were exorbitant and put her into poverty fighting to protect
put her into poverty fighting to protect
put her into poverty fighting to protect her child her ex-husband was fighting
her child her ex-husband was fighting
her child her ex-husband was fighting for custody of those children another
for custody of those children another
for custody of those children another story would be of Patricia Patricia is a
story would be of Patricia Patricia is a
story would be of Patricia Patricia is a mom
mom
mom who has three children she was married
who has three children she was married
who has three children she was married to an abusive man he later was convicted
to an abusive man he later was convicted
to an abusive man he later was convicted of murder
of murder
of murder he’s an organized-crime admitted to the
he’s an organized-crime admitted to the
he’s an organized-crime admitted to the crime went to jail and only served two
crime went to jail and only served two
crime went to jail and only served two years for a plea bargain came out of
years for a plea bargain came out of
years for a plea bargain came out of jail and then fought for custody and
jail and then fought for custody and
jail and then fought for custody and Family Court eventually her family court
Family Court eventually her family court
Family Court eventually her family court judge ordered her and her children to
judge ordered her and her children to
judge ordered her and her children to remain in the marital home while
remain in the marital home while
remain in the marital home while simultaneously reducing her alimony
simultaneously reducing her alimony
simultaneously reducing her alimony leaving her unable to pay her mortgage
leaving her unable to pay her mortgage
leaving her unable to pay her mortgage she was going into foreclosure
she was going into foreclosure
she was going into foreclosure eventually the father got sole custody
eventually the father got sole custody
eventually the father got sole custody of those children because she tried to
of those children because she tried to
of those children because she tried to leave the county not the state the
leave the county not the state the
leave the county not the state the county to get a job and provide for her
county to get a job and provide for her
county to get a job and provide for her kids and then we have tomorrow
kids and then we have tomorrow
kids and then we have tomorrow Tamara’s a mom who was abused for 20
Tamara’s a mom who was abused for 20
Tamara’s a mom who was abused for 20 years
years
years her husband is a police sergeant the
her husband is a police sergeant the
her husband is a police sergeant the police reports are of the most horrific
police reports are of the most horrific
police reports are of the most horrific domestic violence pistol whipping her
domestic violence pistol whipping her
domestic violence pistol whipping her when she was pregnant beatings evidence
when she was pregnant beatings evidence
when she was pregnant beatings evidence pictures of domestic violence she
pictures of domestic violence she
pictures of domestic violence she finally after 20 years gets a divorce
finally after 20 years gets a divorce
finally after 20 years gets a divorce and that’s where Family Court comes in
and that’s where Family Court comes in
and that’s where Family Court comes in because now this psychopathic abuser is
because now this psychopathic abuser is
because now this psychopathic abuser is fighting for custody of her children
fighting for custody of her children
fighting for custody of her children economically destabilizing her making
economically destabilizing her making
economically destabilizing her making her unable to provide for her kids
what are these all have in common women
what are these all have in common women are receiving second-class status in the
are receiving second-class status in the
are receiving second-class status in the United States our inequality is
United States our inequality is
United States our inequality is ever-present in family court
what can we do about this well one of
what can we do about this well one of the things that we can do is start to
the things that we can do is start to
the things that we can do is start to get informed what I’m telling you is
get informed what I’m telling you is
get informed what I’m telling you is something that we can get information
something that we can get information
something that we can get information about and step in and try to find out
about and step in and try to find out
about and step in and try to find out what we can do about it together as a
what we can do about it together as a
what we can do about it together as a society to stop these injuries and
society to stop these injuries and
society to stop these injuries and crimes from happening to victims across
crimes from happening to victims across
crimes from happening to victims across our country we need to support our
our country we need to support our
our country we need to support our victims we need to say it is not okay
victims we need to say it is not okay
victims we need to say it is not okay for anyone to harm you or your children
for anyone to harm you or your children
for anyone to harm you or your children and is not okay for our family court
and is not okay for our family court
and is not okay for our family court system to bankrupt you trying to get to
system to bankrupt you trying to get to
system to bankrupt you trying to get to your freedom recently I had a three
your freedom recently I had a three
your freedom recently I had a three members in one week period three
members in one week period three
members in one week period three separate attorneys be advised that they
separate attorneys be advised that they
separate attorneys be advised that they should drop their restraining orders all
should drop their restraining orders all
should drop their restraining orders all three of those cases had enough evidence
three of those cases had enough evidence
three of those cases had enough evidence to probably convict
to probably convict
to probably convict their abuser in Criminal Court but
their abuser in Criminal Court but
their abuser in Criminal Court but Family Court is a lower court different
Family Court is a lower court different
Family Court is a lower court different standards the evidence that is needed to
standards the evidence that is needed to
standards the evidence that is needed to convict in Criminal Court is seen as no
convict in Criminal Court is seen as no
convict in Criminal Court is seen as no evidence at all in Family Court all
evidence at all in Family Court all
evidence at all in Family Court all three of these women three different
three of these women three different
three of these women three different attorneys two different counties were
attorneys two different counties were
attorneys two different counties were given the same advice one you should
given the same advice one you should
given the same advice one you should drop the restraining order into a civil
drop the restraining order into a civil
drop the restraining order into a civil constraint a civil constraint is the
constraint a civil constraint is the
constraint a civil constraint is the same as a restraining order lie a
same as a restraining order lie a
same as a restraining order lie a restraining order your perpetrator
restraining order your perpetrator
restraining order your perpetrator violates you call the police they get
violates you call the police they get
violates you call the police they get arrested you have a chance at safety
next they advise our women if you don’t
next they advise our women if you don’t drop your restraining order to a civil
drop your restraining order to a civil
drop your restraining order to a civil constraint the judge may turn against
constraint the judge may turn against
constraint the judge may turn against you in family court because the judge is
you in family court because the judge is
you in family court because the judge is going to see you as unwilling to
going to see you as unwilling to
going to see you as unwilling to co-parent with your child’s father and
co-parent with your child’s father and
co-parent with your child’s father and the third thing all three
the third thing all three
the third thing all three Ernie’s told our members is that if you
Ernie’s told our members is that if you
Ernie’s told our members is that if you go through with the restraining order
go through with the restraining order
go through with the restraining order and it affects his career and he’s
and it affects his career and he’s
and it affects his career and he’s unable to pay support how are you gonna
unable to pay support how are you gonna
unable to pay support how are you gonna provide for your children do you really
provide for your children do you really
provide for your children do you really care about your kids so what’s going on
care about your kids so what’s going on
care about your kids so what’s going on here what’s the bar association doing
here what’s the bar association doing
here what’s the bar association doing Family Court is a 50 billion dollar
Family Court is a 50 billion dollar
Family Court is a 50 billion dollar industry keeping a family in crisis not
industry keeping a family in crisis not
industry keeping a family in crisis not providing her and her children with the
providing her and her children with the
providing her and her children with the protections and rights they deserve puts
protections and rights they deserve puts
protections and rights they deserve puts them in a perpetual suck downward cycle
them in a perpetual suck downward cycle
them in a perpetual suck downward cycle and they all make money doing it does
and they all make money doing it does
and they all make money doing it does anyone find this to be okay terrific
anyone find this to be okay terrific
anyone find this to be okay terrific it’s horrific and it’s happening to our
it’s horrific and it’s happening to our
it’s horrific and it’s happening to our women and children in this country today
women and children in this country today
women and children in this country today we are unable to protect our children
we are unable to protect our children
we are unable to protect our children lundi and my play is called forbidden to
lundi and my play is called forbidden to
lundi and my play is called forbidden to protect for that very reason women are
protect for that very reason women are
protect for that very reason women are forbidden to protect their children in
forbidden to protect their children in
forbidden to protect their children in the United States of America so what do
the United States of America so what do
the United States of America so what do we do about it well one thing for sure
we do about it well one thing for sure
we do about it well one thing for sure the public can’t protest what we don’t
the public can’t protest what we don’t
the public can’t protest what we don’t know and the public hasn’t known about
know and the public hasn’t known about
know and the public hasn’t known about this because Family Court has been a
this because Family Court has been a
this because Family Court has been a secret business there is no oversight
secret business there is no oversight
secret business there is no oversight there are no checks and balances nobody
there are no checks and balances nobody
there are no checks and balances nobody is watching them Family Court is
is watching them Family Court is
is watching them Family Court is policing itself so we need to step in we
policing itself so we need to step in we
policing itself so we need to step in we need to rush in and support victims of a
need to rush in and support victims of a
need to rush in and support victims of a crime mother’s protecting their children
crime mother’s protecting their children
crime mother’s protecting their children there’s a myth that women make false
there’s a myth that women make false
there’s a myth that women make false allegations of domestic violence and
allegations of domestic violence and
allegations of domestic violence and sexual abuse but do you know what the
sexual abuse but do you know what the
sexual abuse but do you know what the research doesn’t
research doesn’t
research doesn’t port that the research shows us that in
port that the research shows us that in
port that the research shows us that in over 96% of cases with allegations of
over 96% of cases with allegations of
over 96% of cases with allegations of sexual abuse or physical violence
sexual abuse or physical violence
sexual abuse or physical violence the woman is telling the truth yet our
the woman is telling the truth yet our
the woman is telling the truth yet our courts flip it and believe that maybe
courts flip it and believe that maybe
courts flip it and believe that maybe only 4% tell the truth and 96% are lying
only 4% tell the truth and 96% are lying
only 4% tell the truth and 96% are lying one in three men one in three women will
one in three men one in three women will
one in three men one in three women will be beaten or raped over her lifetime and
be beaten or raped over her lifetime and
be beaten or raped over her lifetime and 80% of children that are sexually abused
80% of children that are sexually abused
80% of children that are sexually abused are sexually abused by a male member of
are sexually abused by a male member of
are sexually abused by a male member of their family in particular their father
their family in particular their father
their family in particular their father we need to do something we need to take
we need to do something we need to take
we need to do something we need to take action we need to make this a political
action we need to make this a political
action we need to make this a political issue this has been invisible as a
issue this has been invisible as a
issue this has been invisible as a political conversation women’s
political conversation women’s
political conversation women’s inequality women’s second-class status
inequality women’s second-class status
inequality women’s second-class status must become a conversation in the
must become a conversation in the
must become a conversation in the political arena it’s never been before
political arena it’s never been before
political arena it’s never been before and we must start today so I asked you
and we must start today so I asked you
and we must start today so I asked you get informed go to our website the
get informed go to our website the
get informed go to our website the nurturer parent org nurtured parent org
nurturer parent org nurtured parent org
nurturer parent org nurtured parent org and sign up for our newsletter ask a
and sign up for our newsletter ask a
and sign up for our newsletter ask a victim what you can do to help her heal
victim what you can do to help her heal
victim what you can do to help her heal and receive justice the ACE study which
and receive justice the ACE study which
and receive justice the ACE study which is the largest medical investigation
is the largest medical investigation
is the largest medical investigation ever conducted to associate the health
ever conducted to associate the health
ever conducted to associate the health consequences for a child and we know
consequences for a child and we know
consequences for a child and we know they’re being exposed and court-ordered
they’re being exposed and court-ordered
they’re being exposed and court-ordered to be into toxic stress producing
to be into toxic stress producing
to be into toxic stress producing situations that will negatively impact
situations that will negatively impact
situations that will negatively impact their health and shorten their life for
their health and shorten their life for
their health and shorten their life for the rest of their lives they need your
the rest of their lives they need your
the rest of their lives they need your help
help
help the nurtured parent revolution
the nurtured parent revolution
the nurtured parent revolution revolución transforming trauma
revolución transforming trauma
revolución transforming trauma through love healing and social justice
through love healing and social justice
through love healing and social justice activism fire it up
activism fire it up
activism fire it up [Applause]
[Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
”
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