I want to kill myself kill me now I literally want to die I
kill me now I literally want to die I
kill me now I literally want to die I hear these words are on me each and
hear these words are on me each and
hear these words are on me each and every day by friends family and
every day by friends family and
every day by friends family and classmates I hear these words with a
classmates I hear these words with a
classmates I hear these words with a different ear than many other teens hear
different ear than many other teens hear
different ear than many other teens hear these words I hear these words knowing
these words I hear these words knowing
these words I hear these words knowing the immense impact suicide has on one’s
the immense impact suicide has on one’s
the immense impact suicide has on one’s life I’m a 17 year old girl and last
life I’m a 17 year old girl and last
life I’m a 17 year old girl and last year I lost my two closest friends to
year I lost my two closest friends to
year I lost my two closest friends to suicide along with this I have suffered
suicide along with this I have suffered
suicide along with this I have suffered from depression and struggled with my
from depression and struggled with my
from depression and struggled with my own suicidal thoughts each time these
own suicidal thoughts each time these
own suicidal thoughts each time these words are thrown around I am brought
words are thrown around I am brought
words are thrown around I am brought back to that life shattering car ride
back to that life shattering car ride
back to that life shattering car ride when my mom told me Payton killed
when my mom told me Payton killed
when my mom told me Payton killed herself all the time I sat on the floor
herself all the time I sat on the floor
herself all the time I sat on the floor screaming why me why’d I have to lose
screaming why me why’d I have to lose
screaming why me why’d I have to lose another friend after heard the news
another friend after heard the news
another friend after heard the news about buyout his death these words are
about buyout his death these words are
about buyout his death these words are thrown out casually not knowing the
thrown out casually not knowing the
thrown out casually not knowing the horrors that may cause for individuals
horrors that may cause for individuals
horrors that may cause for individuals including myself when you think a
including myself when you think a
including myself when you think a depression what do you see it’s a
depression what do you see it’s a
depression what do you see it’s a dressed in black cutter a stick-thin
dressed in black cutter a stick-thin
dressed in black cutter a stick-thin girl these individuals could easily be
girl these individuals could easily be
girl these individuals could easily be depressed but the happy smiling person
depressed but the happy smiling person
depressed but the happy smiling person you see before you today is also very
you see before you today is also very
you see before you today is also very depressed I vividly remember driving a
depressed I vividly remember driving a
depressed I vividly remember driving a car with my mom and her commenting on
car with my mom and her commenting on
car with my mom and her commenting on how that girl must be so depressed
how that girl must be so depressed
how that girl must be so depressed really because of the way she carried
really because of the way she carried
really because of the way she carried herself and her outfit choices but so am
herself and her outfit choices but so am
herself and her outfit choices but so am i I said astonished so am i and yet no
i I said astonished so am i and yet no
i I said astonished so am i and yet no one would think of the person that I am
one would think of the person that I am
one would think of the person that I am to be someone that’s dealing with
to be someone that’s dealing with
to be someone that’s dealing with depression Payton killed herself October
depression Payton killed herself October
depression Payton killed herself October 31st of last year she was an amazing
31st of last year she was an amazing
31st of last year she was an amazing cross-country runner an avid Model UN
cross-country runner an avid Model UN
cross-country runner an avid Model UN competitor a great mentor for younger
competitor a great mentor for younger
competitor a great mentor for younger kids and the best friend I could ever
kids and the best friend I could ever
kids and the best friend I could ever ask for
ask for
ask for she had a radiating smile that always
she had a radiating smile that always
she had a radiating smile that always managed to brighten the mood this helped
managed to brighten the mood this helped
managed to brighten the mood this helped save me nobody thought of Payton to be
save me nobody thought of Payton to be
save me nobody thought of Payton to be depressed let alone suicidal when people
depressed let alone suicidal when people
depressed let alone suicidal when people thought of Payton they thought of her
thought of Payton they thought of her
thought of Payton they thought of her incredible positivity her amazing
incredible positivity her amazing
incredible positivity her amazing enthusiasm and unwavering love and
enthusiasm and unwavering love and
enthusiasm and unwavering love and support nobody thought of someone else
support nobody thought of someone else
support nobody thought of someone else kept up brutally with insomnia or
kept up brutally with insomnia or
kept up brutally with insomnia or someone that could take their own life
someone that could take their own life
someone that could take their own life Beata had similar talents of being able
Beata had similar talents of being able
Beata had similar talents of being able to brighten the mood her emanating
to brighten the mood her emanating
to brighten the mood her emanating positivity made everyone fall in love
positivity made everyone fall in love
positivity made everyone fall in love with her immediately this helped save me
with her immediately this helped save me
with her immediately this helped save me she wasn’t someone to walk around dark
she wasn’t someone to walk around dark
she wasn’t someone to walk around dark sullen and gloomy she was someone to
sullen and gloomy she was someone to
sullen and gloomy she was someone to find something beautiful in each and
find something beautiful in each and
find something beautiful in each and every day and made sure others found
every day and made sure others found
every day and made sure others found that beauty as well my friends do not
that beauty as well my friends do not
that beauty as well my friends do not fit into societal standards of
fit into societal standards of
fit into societal standards of depression
depression
depression everyone has their own personal story
everyone has their own personal story
everyone has their own personal story with their own levels of depth I suffer
with their own levels of depth I suffer
with their own levels of depth I suffer from depression I suffer from depression
from depression I suffer from depression
from depression I suffer from depression say it out loud smash the stigma address
say it out loud smash the stigma address
say it out loud smash the stigma address it because it’s a real issue that’s not
it because it’s a real issue that’s not
it because it’s a real issue that’s not going anywhere this is what payton made
going anywhere this is what payton made
going anywhere this is what payton made me do
me do
me do she made me address the fact that i was
she made me address the fact that i was
she made me address the fact that i was mentally ill and needed help urgently on
mentally ill and needed help urgently on
mentally ill and needed help urgently on a spring sunday night i brutally cut
a spring sunday night i brutally cut
a spring sunday night i brutally cut myself with a buy local pin leaving
myself with a buy local pin leaving
myself with a buy local pin leaving ragged red markings on my left forearm
ragged red markings on my left forearm
ragged red markings on my left forearm my parents saw these markings asked what
my parents saw these markings asked what
my parents saw these markings asked what they were and i responded with a little
they were and i responded with a little
they were and i responded with a little mishap in a thorn-bush
mishap in a thorn-bush
mishap in a thorn-bush after this the conversation ended
after this the conversation ended
after this the conversation ended because obviously they’re sweet Juli was
because obviously they’re sweet Juli was
because obviously they’re sweet Juli was rummaging around on a thorn bush on a
rummaging around on a thorn bush on a
rummaging around on a thorn bush on a Sunday night right no they’re oblivious
Sunday night right no they’re oblivious
Sunday night right no they’re oblivious to the obvious truth that their sweet
to the obvious truth that their sweet
to the obvious truth that their sweet julia was very depressed and purposely
julia was very depressed and purposely
julia was very depressed and purposely harming herself on monday Payton saw
harming herself on monday Payton saw
harming herself on monday Payton saw these markings and asked what they are a
these markings and asked what they are a
these markings and asked what they are a little mishap on a thorn bush I
little mishap on a thorn bush I
little mishap on a thorn bush I responded they slide I go to well with
responded they slide I go to well with
responded they slide I go to well with her though from then on she completely
her though from then on she completely
her though from then on she completely put me under her wing and gave me
put me under her wing and gave me
put me under her wing and gave me unfaltering love and support I’m Tuesday
unfaltering love and support I’m Tuesday
unfaltering love and support I’m Tuesday I had a doctor’s appointment I got a TB
I had a doctor’s appointment I got a TB
I had a doctor’s appointment I got a TB shot TB shots are injected directly into
shot TB shots are injected directly into
shot TB shots are injected directly into your left forearm and let me remind you
your left forearm and let me remind you
your left forearm and let me remind you this is exactly where those red markings
this is exactly where those red markings
this is exactly where those red markings were still very apparent as I walked
were still very apparent as I walked
were still very apparent as I walked into the hospital I was nervous of what
into the hospital I was nervous of what
into the hospital I was nervous of what the nurse would say what she would say
the nurse would say what she would say
the nurse would say what she would say about my mental health of what she would
about my mental health of what she would
about my mental health of what she would say about the markings on my arm and
say about the markings on my arm and
say about the markings on my arm and what she would say to my parents the
what she would say to my parents the
what she would say to my parents the nurse entered rolled up my sleeve
nurse entered rolled up my sleeve
nurse entered rolled up my sleeve injected a needle and said goodbye with
injected a needle and said goodbye with
injected a needle and said goodbye with no mention of the fact that a girl
no mention of the fact that a girl
no mention of the fact that a girl sitting before her so obviously was self
sitting before her so obviously was self
sitting before her so obviously was self harming although I was nervous of what
harming although I was nervous of what
harming although I was nervous of what the nurse would say about the markings
the nurse would say about the markings
the nurse would say about the markings on my arm
on my arm
on my arm part of me needed her to say something
part of me needed her to say something
part of me needed her to say something because it was to the point where I
because it was to the point where I
because it was to the point where I needed more intervention the fact that
needed more intervention the fact that
needed more intervention the fact that there was no mention of the markings on
there was no mention of the markings on
there was no mention of the markings on my arm made me crawl even deeper into
my arm made me crawl even deeper into
my arm made me crawl even deeper into myself and become even more depressed
myself and become even more depressed
myself and become even more depressed this sent paint into a rage though she
this sent paint into a rage though she
this sent paint into a rage though she was so mad that they would be so idiotic
was so mad that they would be so idiotic
was so mad that they would be so idiotic and say nothing about the markings on my
and say nothing about the markings on my
and say nothing about the markings on my arm pain was my complete support
arm pain was my complete support
arm pain was my complete support mechanism Payton made me speak about my
mechanism Payton made me speak about my
mechanism Payton made me speak about my depression mental illness is a silent
depression mental illness is a silent
depression mental illness is a silent epidemic although what although one in
epidemic although what although one in
epidemic although what although one in five individuals suffer from some sort
five individuals suffer from some sort
five individuals suffer from some sort of mental illness it was completely
of mental illness it was completely
of mental illness it was completely pushed under the rug and we do not
pushed under the rug and we do not
pushed under the rug and we do not address it we talk about broken bones
address it we talk about broken bones
address it we talk about broken bones and we talk about headaches but the mere
and we talk about headaches but the mere
and we talk about headaches but the mere thought of talking about mental illness
thought of talking about mental illness
thought of talking about mental illness makes people run far and fast
makes people run far and fast
makes people run far and fast last spring I wanted to kill myself but
last spring I wanted to kill myself but
last spring I wanted to kill myself but I was done being silent I told my
I was done being silent I told my
I was done being silent I told my parents and they brought me to the
parents and they brought me to the
parents and they brought me to the hospital they saved me I saved myself
hospital they saved me I saved myself
hospital they saved me I saved myself purely because I could speak about my
purely because I could speak about my
purely because I could speak about my depression this is a message I want to
depression this is a message I want to
depression this is a message I want to spread far and wide because of this I
spread far and wide because of this I
spread far and wide because of this I created a project I call the yellow
created a project I call the yellow
created a project I call the yellow tulip project which is meant to spread
tulip project which is meant to spread
tulip project which is meant to spread hope and happiness and try to remind
hope and happiness and try to remind
hope and happiness and try to remind people that even in the hardest and
people that even in the hardest and
people that even in the hardest and darkest of times hope still really is
darkest of times hope still really is
darkest of times hope still really is out there Payton’s favorite color was
out there Payton’s favorite color was
out there Payton’s favorite color was yellow and they out his favorite flower
yellow and they out his favorite flower
yellow and they out his favorite flower was a tulip so for me it was a perfect
was a tulip so for me it was a perfect
was a tulip so for me it was a perfect combination of my friends lives in the
combination of my friends lives in the
combination of my friends lives in the fall we planted Hope gardens which is a
fall we planted Hope gardens which is a
fall we planted Hope gardens which is a community gathering while planting
community gathering while planting
community gathering while planting yellow tulip bulbs into the ground we
yellow tulip bulbs into the ground we
yellow tulip bulbs into the ground we planted Hope gardens at hospitals
planted Hope gardens at hospitals
planted Hope gardens at hospitals schools and all and other communities
schools and all and other communities
schools and all and other communities around New England pannabai oughta put
around New England pannabai oughta put
around New England pannabai oughta put so much of their love and energy into
so much of their love and energy into
so much of their love and energy into making people feel loved and cherished I
making people feel loved and cherished I
making people feel loved and cherished I believe that through this project our
believe that through this project our
believe that through this project our legacy can continue on I’m a seventeen
legacy can continue on I’m a seventeen
legacy can continue on I’m a seventeen year old girl who lost my two closest
year old girl who lost my two closest
year old girl who lost my two closest friends to suicide I’m a seventeen year
friends to suicide I’m a seventeen year
friends to suicide I’m a seventeen year old girl who is a passionate musician
old girl who is a passionate musician
old girl who is a passionate musician artist and worker I’m depressed but
artist and worker I’m depressed but
artist and worker I’m depressed but today I am healthy I want to kill myself
today I am healthy I want to kill myself
today I am healthy I want to kill myself kill me now I literally want to die
kill me now I literally want to die
kill me now I literally want to die think before you speak
think before you speak
think before you speak thank you
thank you
thank you [Applause]
”
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