let’s say you’re a female scorpion in Africa your biological clock is ticking
Africa your biological clock is ticking
Africa your biological clock is ticking and it’s time to mate you attract a
and it’s time to mate you attract a
and it’s time to mate you attract a suitor by sending self-generated perfume
suitor by sending self-generated perfume
suitor by sending self-generated perfume wafting into the air naturally a
wafting into the air naturally a
wafting into the air naturally a wandering male comes
wandering male comes
wandering male comes scuttling toward you the seal the deal
scuttling toward you the seal the deal
scuttling toward you the seal the deal you send out good vibrations which are
you send out good vibrations which are
you send out good vibrations which are picked up by these ultrafine sensory
picked up by these ultrafine sensory
picked up by these ultrafine sensory organs your eyes are like limpid pools
organs your eyes are like limpid pools
organs your eyes are like limpid pools all eight of them you’ve attracted a
all eight of them you’ve attracted a
all eight of them you’ve attracted a partner but you are still in complete
partner but you are still in complete
partner but you are still in complete control why because if he doesn’t
control why because if he doesn’t
control why because if he doesn’t fulfill his role you can kill him at any
fulfill his role you can kill him at any
fulfill his role you can kill him at any time he grasps you by the forelimbs
time he grasps you by the forelimbs
time he grasps you by the forelimbs caressing you with his tail so far so
caressing you with his tail so far so
caressing you with his tail so far so good now it’s time for the courtship
good now it’s time for the courtship
good now it’s time for the courtship hands there’s more to this than a quick
hands there’s more to this than a quick
hands there’s more to this than a quick spin around the dance floor his strategy
spin around the dance floor his strategy
spin around the dance floor his strategy of which you are well aware is to plant
of which you are well aware is to plant
of which you are well aware is to plant a sperm packet on the ground and then
a sperm packet on the ground and then
a sperm packet on the ground and then maneuver you on top of it hoping you’ll
maneuver you on top of it hoping you’ll
maneuver you on top of it hoping you’ll take it into your body
take it into your body
take it into your body maybe it’s the raffish twinkle in his
maybe it’s the raffish twinkle in his
maybe it’s the raffish twinkle in his eye maybe it’s the way he shakes his
eye maybe it’s the way he shakes his
eye maybe it’s the way he shakes his scorpion duty but you
scorpion duty but you
scorpion duty but you in the sperm leaving the empty packet
in the sperm leaving the empty packet
in the sperm leaving the empty packet behind and with that he’s out of there
behind and with that he’s out of there
behind and with that he’s out of there no laundry no pals over to watch
no laundry no pals over to watch
no laundry no pals over to watch football in the big-screen TV
football in the big-screen TV
football in the big-screen TV no sharing in the bathroom he can’t hang
no sharing in the bathroom he can’t hang
no sharing in the bathroom he can’t hang around or you may very well
around or you may very well
around or you may very well Edith and you live out the gestation
Edith and you live out the gestation
Edith and you live out the gestation period alone I hope you like being with
period alone I hope you like being with
period alone I hope you like being with child because a Scorpion’s gestation
child because a Scorpion’s gestation
child because a Scorpion’s gestation period is a colossal 18 months that’s
period is a colossal 18 months that’s
period is a colossal 18 months that’s double a human’s longer even in a
double a human’s longer even in a
double a human’s longer even in a whale’s finally you give birth the ghost
whale’s finally you give birth the ghost
whale’s finally you give birth the ghost white baby is born fully formed you are
white baby is born fully formed you are
white baby is born fully formed you are a superior scorpion mom cradling your
a superior scorpion mom cradling your
a superior scorpion mom cradling your newborn with tender care soon it begins
newborn with tender care soon it begins
newborn with tender care soon it begins to unfold its limbs through the night
to unfold its limbs through the night
to unfold its limbs through the night you give birth to more babies and more
you give birth to more babies and more
you give birth to more babies and more babies and more babies each new baby
babies and more babies each new baby
babies and more babies each new baby frees itself from the birth membrane and
frees itself from the birth membrane and
frees itself from the birth membrane and climbs up on top of moms back 18 babies
climbs up on top of moms back 18 babies
climbs up on top of moms back 18 babies all together luckily you don’t have to
all together luckily you don’t have to
all together luckily you don’t have to nurse these babies they feed on
nurse these babies they feed on
nurse these babies they feed on nutrients left over from the embryo
nutrients left over from the embryo
nutrients left over from the embryo stage
you’ve done it from mating dance to
you’ve done it from mating dance to piggyback mom and eats one of these
piggyback mom and eats one of these
piggyback mom and eats one of these babies with luck we’ll live for eight
babies with luck we’ll live for eight
babies with luck we’ll live for eight years but will they call will they come
years but will they call will they come
years but will they call will they come over send you a card on Mother’s Day
over send you a card on Mother’s Day
over send you a card on Mother’s Day Chuck probably not kids
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