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How 3 Letters Changed My Life | Scott Matzka | TEDxUofM


trying to fall heir so I think I’m gonna

trying to fall heir so I think I’m gonna be the first to uh go away from my

be the first to uh go away from my

be the first to uh go away from my script is the minute you’ve certainly

script is the minute you’ve certainly

script is the minute you’ve certainly heard some tremendously intelligent and

heard some tremendously intelligent and

heard some tremendously intelligent and accomplished people tonight and

accomplished people tonight and

accomplished people tonight and unfortunately now you’re stuck with me

unfortunately now you’re stuck with me

unfortunately now you’re stuck with me hey washed-up former athlete so I’ll

hey washed-up former athlete so I’ll

hey washed-up former athlete so I’ll give it my best

give it my best

give it my best the human body is capable of some truly

the human body is capable of some truly

the human body is capable of some truly remarkable things especially when is

remarkable things especially when is

remarkable things especially when is working the way it’s supposed to however

working the way it’s supposed to however

working the way it’s supposed to however it is so insanely complex you’ve heard a

it is so insanely complex you’ve heard a

it is so insanely complex you’ve heard a little bit about that day that our best

little bit about that day that our best

little bit about that day that our best and brightest doctors don’t really

and brightest doctors don’t really

and brightest doctors don’t really understand that I know that fact all too

understand that I know that fact all too

understand that I know that fact all too well you see I even always sounded like

well you see I even always sounded like

well you see I even always sounded like this or struggled for a breath deep

this or struggled for a breath deep

this or struggled for a breath deep enough to get one sentence out or needed

enough to get one sentence out or needed

enough to get one sentence out or needed a wheelchair or my wife to dress me in

a wheelchair or my wife to dress me in

a wheelchair or my wife to dress me in the morning five short years ago I was

the morning five short years ago I was

the morning five short years ago I was in peak physical condition I was

in peak physical condition I was

in peak physical condition I was finishing the final year of an 11-year

finishing the final year of an 11-year

finishing the final year of an 11-year professional hockey career the four

professional hockey career the four

professional hockey career the four years prior to that were spent here at U

years prior to that were spent here at U

years prior to that were spent here at U of M for I studied computer science and

of M for I studied computer science and

of M for I studied computer science and Noah Sophia I was never in the zone

probably why I didn’t end up at Google I

probably why I didn’t end up at Google I even assisted on the game-winning

even assisted on the game-winning

even assisted on the game-winning overtime goal that brought us our last

overtime goal that brought us our last

overtime goal that brought us our last national championship in 1998 even after

national championship in 1998 even after

national championship in 1998 even after leaving professional hockey behind I was

leaving professional hockey behind I was

leaving professional hockey behind I was still very physically active capable of

still very physically active capable of

still very physically active capable of running a six-minute mile hitting a golf

running a six-minute mile hitting a golf

running a six-minute mile hitting a golf ball well over 300 yards and whipping

ball well over 300 yards and whipping

ball well over 300 yards and whipping most flipping all of my buddies at

most flipping all of my buddies at

most flipping all of my buddies at racquetball so I was an athlete but I

racquetball so I was an athlete but I

racquetball so I was an athlete but I was certainly more than that I am a

was certainly more than that I am a

was certainly more than that I am a father and a husband in the spring of

father and a husband in the spring of

father and a husband in the spring of 2014

2014

2014 my daughter Reese was four and my son

my daughter Reese was four and my son

my daughter Reese was four and my son Owen was two

Owen was two

Owen was two I was about to celebrate seven years of

I was about to celebrate seven years of

I was about to celebrate seven years of marriage to my beautiful wife Katie

marriage to my beautiful wife Katie

marriage to my beautiful wife Katie there was nothing more that I enjoyed

there was nothing more that I enjoyed

there was nothing more that I enjoyed than jumping on the trampoline with my

than jumping on the trampoline with my

than jumping on the trampoline with my kids or chasing them around the backyard

kids or chasing them around the backyard

kids or chasing them around the backyard of running the neighborhood with my wife

of running the neighborhood with my wife

of running the neighborhood with my wife typically leaving her behind after a

typically leaving her behind after a

typically leaving her behind after a hundred yards let’s say but all of a

hundred yards let’s say but all of a

hundred yards let’s say but all of a sudden something started to change in my

sudden something started to change in my

sudden something started to change in my body a cramp in my forearm as they

body a cramp in my forearm as they

body a cramp in my forearm as they reaching the center console of my car

reaching the center console of my car

reaching the center console of my car for a pack of gum sickness in my finger

for a pack of gum sickness in my finger

for a pack of gum sickness in my finger as a hung drywall in my garage not being

as a hung drywall in my garage not being

as a hung drywall in my garage not being able to release a clenched fist easily

able to release a clenched fist easily

able to release a clenched fist easily not sure why I had a clenched fist but

not sure why I had a clenched fist but

not sure why I had a clenched fist but I’m a hockey player so don’t leave me as

I’m a hockey player so don’t leave me as

I’m a hockey player so don’t leave me as those things became more significant

those things became more significant

those things became more significant more frequent and more severe we decided

more frequent and more severe we decided

more frequent and more severe we decided to go see a general doctor after several

to go see a general doctor after several

to go see a general doctor after several months when multiple blood tests MRIs

months when multiple blood tests MRIs

months when multiple blood tests MRIs and examinations led nowhere

and examinations led nowhere

and examinations led nowhere he recommended that we see a neurologist

he recommended that we see a neurologist

he recommended that we see a neurologist so on August 20th 2014

so on August 20th 2014

so on August 20th 2014 we went to Bronson Hospital in Kalamazoo

we went to Bronson Hospital in Kalamazoo

we went to Bronson Hospital in Kalamazoo my neurologist wasn’t initially worried

my neurologist wasn’t initially worried

my neurologist wasn’t initially worried but after a thorough examination several

but after a thorough examination several

but after a thorough examination several diagnostic tests he brought us back into

diagnostic tests he brought us back into

diagnostic tests he brought us back into his office he shut the door he asked us

his office he shut the door he asked us

his office he shut the door he asked us to sit down I knew something was wrong I

to sit down I knew something was wrong I

to sit down I knew something was wrong I don’t remember much about what he said

don’t remember much about what he said

don’t remember much about what he said over the next several minutes but I do

over the next several minutes but I do

over the next several minutes but I do remember him using three letters that

remember him using three letters that

remember him using three letters that changed my life forever

changed my life forever

changed my life forever als amyotrophic lateral sclerosis Lou

als amyotrophic lateral sclerosis Lou

als amyotrophic lateral sclerosis Lou Gehrig’s disease

Gehrig’s disease

Gehrig’s disease I had prayed that he wouldn’t use those

I had prayed that he wouldn’t use those

I had prayed that he wouldn’t use those letters I googled my symptoms more times

letters I googled my symptoms more times

letters I googled my symptoms more times I can count over the previous few months

I can count over the previous few months

I can count over the previous few months and I knew what those letters meant ALS

and I knew what those letters meant ALS

and I knew what those letters meant ALS is a hundred percent fatal progressive

is a hundred percent fatal progressive

is a hundred percent fatal progressive neurological disorder that causes the

neurological disorder that causes the

neurological disorder that causes the death of neurons that control our

death of neurons that control our

death of neurons that control our voluntary movements that includes speech

voluntary movements that includes speech

voluntary movements that includes speech and breathing the average life

and breathing the average life

and breathing the average life expectancy of ALS patients is three to

expectancy of ALS patients is three to

expectancy of ALS patients is three to five years from symptom onset and about

five years from symptom onset and about

five years from symptom onset and about 90% of the cases mine included there is

90% of the cases mine included there is

90% of the cases mine included there is no knowing cause there is no treatment

no knowing cause there is no treatment

no knowing cause there is no treatment and ALS has no cure Wow you know what do

and ALS has no cure Wow you know what do

and ALS has no cure Wow you know what do you do with that kind of news I’m struck

you do with that kind of news I’m struck

you do with that kind of news I’m struck by the words that I read recently in an

by the words that I read recently in an

by the words that I read recently in an article on the place should be in by

article on the place should be in by

article on the place should be in by Jeff Cable who is the assistant

Jeff Cable who is the assistant

Jeff Cable who is the assistant basketball coach at Duke University he’s

basketball coach at Duke University he’s

basketball coach at Duke University he’s mentioning these words after hearing the

mentioning these words after hearing the

mentioning these words after hearing the diagnosis of his father with ALS

diagnosis of his father with ALS

diagnosis of his father with ALS he says google of WebMD are greatly

he says google of WebMD are greatly

he says google of WebMD are greatly sources for giving you information about

sources for giving you information about

sources for giving you information about disease what those things don’t tell you

disease what those things don’t tell you

disease what those things don’t tell you is how to live your life after getting a

is how to live your life after getting a

is how to live your life after getting a diagnosis like that or the fact that

diagnosis like that or the fact that

diagnosis like that or the fact that life goes on even that very day there is

life goes on even that very day there is

life goes on even that very day there is no playbook to living with ALS so we set

no playbook to living with ALS so we set

no playbook to living with ALS so we set out to create our own that very night we

out to create our own that very night we

out to create our own that very night we got together with our closest friends we

got together with our closest friends we

got together with our closest friends we cried we laughed we drank a lot of red

cried we laughed we drank a lot of red

cried we laughed we drank a lot of red wine and we talked about our bucket list

wine and we talked about our bucket list

wine and we talked about our bucket list over the next couple of years we

over the next couple of years we

over the next couple of years we traveled a lot we said yes absolutely

traveled a lot we said yes absolutely

traveled a lot we said yes absolutely everything we could we created some

everything we could we created some

everything we could we created some amazing memories but the symptoms of my

amazing memories but the symptoms of my

amazing memories but the symptoms of my ALS got worse more loss more death of

ALS got worse more loss more death of

ALS got worse more loss more death of neurons let the muscle loss and atrophy

neurons let the muscle loss and atrophy

neurons let the muscle loss and atrophy which led to more weakness and continued

which led to more weakness and continued

which led to more weakness and continued loss of strength and my body my speech

loss of strength and my body my speech

loss of strength and my body my speech and breathing was beginning to be

and breathing was beginning to be

and breathing was beginning to be affected hmm excuse me my day-to-day

affected hmm excuse me my day-to-day

affected hmm excuse me my day-to-day life was significantly impacted I was

life was significantly impacted I was

life was significantly impacted I was facing new challenges before the disease

facing new challenges before the disease

facing new challenges before the disease I might have been challenged this was

I might have been challenged this was

I might have been challenged this was right to run a 5 minute mile or to shoot

right to run a 5 minute mile or to shoot

right to run a 5 minute mile or to shoot a round of golf in the low 70s and for

a round of golf in the low 70s and for

a round of golf in the low 70s and for you golfers out there that’s a 73 at

you golfers out there that’s a 73 at

you golfers out there that’s a 73 at Kingsley Country Club up north so that’s

Kingsley Country Club up north so that’s

Kingsley Country Club up north so that’s legit you know it became a challenge to

legit you know it became a challenge to

legit you know it became a challenge to walk through the mailbox or dress myself

walk through the mailbox or dress myself

walk through the mailbox or dress myself now it’s a challenge to hold the plastic

now it’s a challenge to hold the plastic

now it’s a challenge to hold the plastic spoon without my arm shaking so much the

spoon without my arm shaking so much the

spoon without my arm shaking so much the food falls off or opening my car door or

food falls off or opening my car door or

food falls off or opening my car door or getting up out of a chair

it began to feel like I was losing

it began to feel like I was losing something every week something mundane

something every week something mundane

something every week something mundane like buttoning a shirt something

like buttoning a shirt something

like buttoning a shirt something extraordinary like running or skating

extraordinary like running or skating

extraordinary like running or skating ALS is slowly paralyzing my body and

ALS is slowly paralyzing my body and

ALS is slowly paralyzing my body and taking away my ability to speak and

taking away my ability to speak and

taking away my ability to speak and breathe on my own more than that though

breathe on my own more than that though

breathe on my own more than that though ALS is stealing my future I will not

ALS is stealing my future I will not

ALS is stealing my future I will not walk my daughter Reese down the aisles

walk my daughter Reese down the aisles

walk my daughter Reese down the aisles someday I will not meet the life of my

someday I will not meet the life of my

someday I will not meet the life of my son

son

son Owens life I will not hold a grandchild

Owens life I will not hold a grandchild

Owens life I will not hold a grandchild someday ALS is going to kill me I am 38

someday ALS is going to kill me I am 38

someday ALS is going to kill me I am 38 years old silvering thought I know

years old silvering thought I know

years old silvering thought I know but haven’t many of us considered that

but haven’t many of us considered that

but haven’t many of us considered that back how we would live our lives if we

back how we would live our lives if we

back how we would live our lives if we knew we were dying how many countless

knew we were dying how many countless

knew we were dying how many countless songs have been written about that idea

songs have been written about that idea

songs have been written about that idea I felt like I had a choice an

I felt like I had a choice an

I felt like I had a choice an opportunity what would I do with the

opportunity what would I do with the

opportunity what would I do with the time I had lost as I said I had a choice

time I had lost as I said I had a choice

time I had lost as I said I had a choice but it’s not that much different from

but it’s not that much different from

but it’s not that much different from the choices that we all have at certain

the choices that we all have at certain

the choices that we all have at certain parts of our life after losing a loved

parts of our life after losing a loved

parts of our life after losing a loved one

one

one or a job after not getting into the

or a job after not getting into the

or a job after not getting into the College of your choice as natholi after

College of your choice as natholi after

College of your choice as natholi after suffering a season-ending or

suffering a season-ending or

suffering a season-ending or career-ending injury after being

career-ending injury after being

career-ending injury after being diagnosed with a fatal disease I had a

diagnosed with a fatal disease I had a

diagnosed with a fatal disease I had a choice to be a victim to blame a high

choice to be a victim to blame a high

choice to be a victim to blame a high power to feel sorry for myself to stop

power to feel sorry for myself to stop

power to feel sorry for myself to stop living but honestly it didn’t feel like

living but honestly it didn’t feel like

living but honestly it didn’t feel like I had much of a choice at all that’s not

I had much of a choice at all that’s not

I had much of a choice at all that’s not how I had lived my life before so why

how I had lived my life before so why

how I had lived my life before so why would I start now

would I start now

would I start now I chose to live life to the fullest –

I chose to live life to the fullest –

I chose to live life to the fullest – laughs to love and to soak up every

laughs to love and to soak up every

laughs to love and to soak up every moment that I had last more importantly

moment that I had last more importantly

moment that I had last more importantly I’ve chosen to become a difference maker

I’ve chosen to become a difference maker

I’ve chosen to become a difference maker we formed my turn an organization

we formed my turn an organization

we formed my turn an organization dedicated to helping spread awareness

dedicated to helping spread awareness

dedicated to helping spread awareness about ALS it has become my guiding light

about ALS it has become my guiding light

about ALS it has become my guiding light my reason for getting out of bed in the

my reason for getting out of bed in the

my reason for getting out of bed in the morning and my legacy it’s my

morning and my legacy it’s my

morning and my legacy it’s my opportunity to do something bigger than

opportunity to do something bigger than

opportunity to do something bigger than myself

myself

myself to do something long last thing that I

to do something long last thing that I

to do something long last thing that I can be proud of and hopefully my

can be proud of and hopefully my

can be proud of and hopefully my children can be proud of me for someday

children can be proud of me for someday

children can be proud of me for someday it’s my opportunity to carry the torch

it’s my opportunity to carry the torch

it’s my opportunity to carry the torch and take my turn while empowering the

and take my turn while empowering the

and take my turn while empowering the people around me cleaning well including

people around me cleaning well including

people around me cleaning well including all of you to take your turn I’ve

all of you to take your turn I’ve

all of you to take your turn I’ve learned some incredible lessons along

learned some incredible lessons along

learned some incredible lessons along the way and I’d like to share a couple

the way and I’d like to share a couple

the way and I’d like to share a couple of those with you you know as I look

of those with you you know as I look

of those with you you know as I look around the world today

around the world today

around the world today I see a politically divided America

I see a politically divided America

I see a politically divided America civil unrest in the Middle East and

civil unrest in the Middle East and

civil unrest in the Middle East and elsewhere and in this era of 24-hour

elsewhere and in this era of 24-hour

elsewhere and in this era of 24-hour news outlets a seemingly endless stream

news outlets a seemingly endless stream

news outlets a seemingly endless stream of shootings terrorism and if they also

of shootings terrorism and if they also

of shootings terrorism and if they also can scarce with you know it’d be easy to

can scarce with you know it’d be easy to

can scarce with you know it’d be easy to look at the world as a dark and

look at the world as a dark and

look at the world as a dark and unforgiving place for what we have seen

unforgiving place for what we have seen

unforgiving place for what we have seen has been almost the exact opposite we

has been almost the exact opposite we

has been almost the exact opposite we have seen an unwavering show of support

have seen an unwavering show of support

have seen an unwavering show of support and compassion from our friends

and compassion from our friends

and compassion from our friends and family of course from my ex

and family of course from my ex

and family of course from my ex teammates teams I played for of course

teammates teams I played for of course

teammates teams I played for of course but also from people I’ve never met in

but also from people I’ve never met in

but also from people I’ve never met in places I’ve never visited you can

places I’ve never visited you can

places I’ve never visited you can imagine how important that support and

imagine how important that support and

imagine how important that support and compassion and the countless messages of

compassion and the countless messages of

compassion and the countless messages of encouragement have been they have hosted

encouragement have been they have hosted

encouragement have been they have hosted me up allowed me and my family to face

me up allowed me and my family to face

me up allowed me and my family to face this dreadful disease head-on it has

this dreadful disease head-on it has

this dreadful disease head-on it has pushed me to become a better person a

pushed me to become a better person a

pushed me to become a better person a better father a better son above her

better father a better son above her

better father a better son above her husband and a better friend I have

husband and a better friend I have

husband and a better friend I have learned that the people around me and I

learned that the people around me and I

learned that the people around me and I believe people in general have a deep

believe people in general have a deep

believe people in general have a deep yearning to help and show compassion

yearning to help and show compassion

yearning to help and show compassion when given the opportunity so let’s not

when given the opportunity so let’s not

when given the opportunity so let’s not be afraid to let people in and give them

be afraid to let people in and give them

be afraid to let people in and give them that opportunity the second lesson I

that opportunity the second lesson I

that opportunity the second lesson I want to share is about perspective I

want to share is about perspective I

want to share is about perspective I would assume it would be easy for all do

would assume it would be easy for all do

would assume it would be easy for all do you recognize that my perspective on

you recognize that my perspective on

you recognize that my perspective on life has changed dramatically one where

life has changed dramatically one where

life has changed dramatically one where I’m not sweating the small stuff and I’m

I’m not sweating the small stuff and I’m

I’m not sweating the small stuff and I’m certainly not crying over spilled milk

certainly not crying over spilled milk

certainly not crying over spilled milk and I feel like I’ve mainly done that

and I feel like I’ve mainly done that

and I feel like I’ve mainly done that although with a five and a seven year

although with a five and a seven year

although with a five and a seven year old at home who seemed to be hard of

old at home who seemed to be hard of

old at home who seemed to be hard of hearing it can be hard sometimes but

hearing it can be hard sometimes but

hearing it can be hard sometimes but what I didn’t necessarily expect was the

what I didn’t necessarily expect was the

what I didn’t necessarily expect was the impact it would have on other’s lives

impact it would have on other’s lives

impact it would have on other’s lives I had been reluctant to tell people

I had been reluctant to tell people

I had been reluctant to tell people about my disease mainly in fear of not

about my disease mainly in fear of not

about my disease mainly in fear of not wanting to ruin their day for the moment

wanting to ruin their day for the moment

wanting to ruin their day for the moment or experience that we were having

or experience that we were having

or experience that we were having instead what I’ve seen is it strengthen

instead what I’ve seen is it strengthen

instead what I’ve seen is it strengthen the friendship

the friendship

the friendship bonds and I had help create new ones and

bonds and I had help create new ones and

bonds and I had help create new ones and more than that I’ve seen it have an

more than that I’ve seen it have an

more than that I’ve seen it have an impact on how others looked at their own

impact on how others looked at their own

impact on how others looked at their own life and for that I’m so proud I have

life and for that I’m so proud I have

life and for that I’m so proud I have not looked at my diagnosis as the end

not looked at my diagnosis as the end

not looked at my diagnosis as the end but rather as the beginning the

but rather as the beginning the

but rather as the beginning the beginning of a new opportunity the

beginning of a new opportunity the

beginning of a new opportunity the beginning of a movement my turn

beginning of a movement my turn

beginning of a movement my turn we may only be a tiny pebble in a pond

we may only be a tiny pebble in a pond

we may only be a tiny pebble in a pond but I can see the ripple enough ripples

but I can see the ripple enough ripples

but I can see the ripple enough ripples and maybe we have a wave enough wave and

and maybe we have a wave enough wave and

and maybe we have a wave enough wave and maybe we can create a tsunami like I

maybe we can create a tsunami like I

maybe we can create a tsunami like I said earlier I had a choice to lie down

said earlier I had a choice to lie down

said earlier I had a choice to lie down or stand up not chosen to stand up I’m

or stand up not chosen to stand up I’m

or stand up not chosen to stand up I’m gonna fight for as long as I possibly

gonna fight for as long as I possibly

gonna fight for as long as I possibly can but the most important part of my

can but the most important part of my

can but the most important part of my journey has not about me it’s about

journey has not about me it’s about

journey has not about me it’s about yield and now it’s your turn to stand up

yield and now it’s your turn to stand up

yield and now it’s your turn to stand up it’s your turn to let people in it’s

it’s your turn to let people in it’s

it’s your turn to let people in it’s your turn to show compassion it’s your

your turn to show compassion it’s your

your turn to show compassion it’s your turn to look at your life differently

turn to look at your life differently

turn to look at your life differently and it’s your turn to become a

and it’s your turn to become a

and it’s your turn to become a difference maker this disease is going

difference maker this disease is going

difference maker this disease is going to silence me but it’s not gonna silence

to silence me but it’s not gonna silence

to silence me but it’s not gonna silence all of us and together we can’t be

all of us and together we can’t be

all of us and together we can’t be stopped

stopped

stopped thank you and go blue

”

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