I still remember the exact moment when I discovered that my brother had an
discovered that my brother had an
discovered that my brother had an intellectual disability I was 9 years
intellectual disability I was 9 years
intellectual disability I was 9 years old and we’re on a family vacation
old and we’re on a family vacation
old and we’re on a family vacation when Ricky who was 18 at the time threw
when Ricky who was 18 at the time threw
when Ricky who was 18 at the time threw a tantrum in a fancy restaurant forcing
a tantrum in a fancy restaurant forcing
a tantrum in a fancy restaurant forcing us to cut our night a little short
us to cut our night a little short
us to cut our night a little short episodes like these happened every once
episodes like these happened every once
episodes like these happened every once in a while and I didn’t know why so back
in a while and I didn’t know why so back
in a while and I didn’t know why so back at the hotel I finally built up the
at the hotel I finally built up the
at the hotel I finally built up the courage to ask my dad what was up with
courage to ask my dad what was up with
courage to ask my dad what was up with Ricky and when was he gonna get better
Ricky and when was he gonna get better
Ricky and when was he gonna get better every morning Ricky took these two pills
every morning Ricky took these two pills
every morning Ricky took these two pills before breakfast and my reasoning was
before breakfast and my reasoning was
before breakfast and my reasoning was that with the help of that medicine he’d
that with the help of that medicine he’d
that with the help of that medicine he’d eventually become normal but I couldn’t
eventually become normal but I couldn’t
eventually become normal but I couldn’t have been more wrong and when my dad
have been more wrong and when my dad
have been more wrong and when my dad told me that Ricky had Asperger’s
told me that Ricky had Asperger’s
told me that Ricky had Asperger’s syndrome an incurable condition and
syndrome an incurable condition and
syndrome an incurable condition and would be that way forever I was
would be that way forever I was
would be that way forever I was absolutely devastated see the thing is
absolutely devastated see the thing is
absolutely devastated see the thing is I’ll put to that point I had this idea
I’ll put to that point I had this idea
I’ll put to that point I had this idea in my head that yes
in my head that yes
in my head that yes Ricky had his quirks here and there but
Ricky had his quirks here and there but
Ricky had his quirks here and there but he had been to a doctor he was gonna get
he had been to a doctor he was gonna get
he had been to a doctor he was gonna get better and intellectual disability was a
better and intellectual disability was a
better and intellectual disability was a scary phrase to me because it made it
scary phrase to me because it made it
scary phrase to me because it made it something was something wrong or damaged
something was something wrong or damaged
something was something wrong or damaged about my brother and there really wasn’t
about my brother and there really wasn’t
about my brother and there really wasn’t to clarify
to clarify
to clarify Asperger’s syndrome is an autism
Asperger’s syndrome is an autism
Asperger’s syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder that is characterized
spectrum disorder that is characterized
spectrum disorder that is characterized by difficulties in social interaction
by difficulties in social interaction
by difficulties in social interaction and nonverbal communication as well as
and nonverbal communication as well as
and nonverbal communication as well as repetitive patterns of behavior and
repetitive patterns of behavior and
repetitive patterns of behavior and interests this means that people with
interests this means that people with
interests this means that people with Asperger’s often have trouble picking up
Asperger’s often have trouble picking up
Asperger’s often have trouble picking up on social cues such as eye contact or
on social cues such as eye contact or
on social cues such as eye contact or body language
body language
body language and have a tendency to become obsessed
and have a tendency to become obsessed
and have a tendency to become obsessed with things that they like causing them
with things that they like causing them
with things that they like causing them to be sucked up into their own world
to be sucked up into their own world
to be sucked up into their own world these symptoms are usually accompanied
these symptoms are usually accompanied
these symptoms are usually accompanied with a decreased level of maturity and
with a decreased level of maturity and
with a decreased level of maturity and difficulty learning now that I knew that
difficulty learning now that I knew that
difficulty learning now that I knew that Ricky’s condition was permanent the
Ricky’s condition was permanent the
Ricky’s condition was permanent the dynamics of our relationship
dynamics of our relationship
dynamics of our relationship changed immediately the line between the
changed immediately the line between the
changed immediately the line between the role of big brother and little brother
role of big brother and little brother
role of big brother and little brother had always been blurred but now I felt
had always been blurred but now I felt
had always been blurred but now I felt like it was my job to protect Rikki I
like it was my job to protect Rikki I
like it was my job to protect Rikki I wish I could have seen how naive I was
wish I could have seen how naive I was
wish I could have seen how naive I was being because looking at his disability
being because looking at his disability
being because looking at his disability as something that was a problem and
as something that was a problem and
as something that was a problem and something that needed to be fixed
something that needed to be fixed
something that needed to be fixed could not have been more
could not have been more
could not have been more counterproductive and sure growing up
counterproductive and sure growing up
counterproductive and sure growing up with him was a struggle at times because
with him was a struggle at times because
with him was a struggle at times because I had all these expectations for what a
I had all these expectations for what a
I had all these expectations for what a big brother was supposed to be and I
big brother was supposed to be and I
big brother was supposed to be and I have to say I’m ashamed to admit that
have to say I’m ashamed to admit that
have to say I’m ashamed to admit that every once in a while I would wish and
every once in a while I would wish and
every once in a while I would wish and pray that one day he’d wake up like
pray that one day he’d wake up like
pray that one day he’d wake up like everyone else for a couple of years I
everyone else for a couple of years I
everyone else for a couple of years I tried to correct him when his behavior
tried to correct him when his behavior
tried to correct him when his behavior wasn’t conforming to what I considered
wasn’t conforming to what I considered
wasn’t conforming to what I considered normal or acceptable and that only led
normal or acceptable and that only led
normal or acceptable and that only led to us growing apart I was so focused on
to us growing apart I was so focused on
to us growing apart I was so focused on how he should be and how I thought he
how he should be and how I thought he
how he should be and how I thought he should be then I never took the time to
should be then I never took the time to
should be then I never took the time to truly appreciate all that he already was
truly appreciate all that he already was
truly appreciate all that he already was and because of this we often fought over
and because of this we often fought over
and because of this we often fought over silly things and I was too young and too
silly things and I was too young and too
silly things and I was too young and too blind to realize that it didn’t have to
blind to realize that it didn’t have to
blind to realize that it didn’t have to be that way now that isn’t to say that
be that way now that isn’t to say that
be that way now that isn’t to say that me and him didn’t have our fair share of
me and him didn’t have our fair share of
me and him didn’t have our fair share of good times because Ricky’s probably the
good times because Ricky’s probably the
good times because Ricky’s probably the most loving and lovable person in my
most loving and lovable person in my
most loving and lovable person in my life and I couldn’t have asked for a
life and I couldn’t have asked for a
life and I couldn’t have asked for a better big brother and role model but in
better big brother and role model but in
better big brother and role model but in hindsight I realized that the problems
hindsight I realized that the problems
hindsight I realized that the problems and fights between us had nothing to do
and fights between us had nothing to do
and fights between us had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me a
with him and everything to do with me a
with him and everything to do with me a couple years ago Ricky joined Special
couple years ago Ricky joined Special
couple years ago Ricky joined Special Olympics and he was immersed in a
Olympics and he was immersed in a
Olympics and he was immersed in a community where he fit in and could
community where he fit in and could
community where he fit in and could thrive his life was changed completely
thrive his life was changed completely
thrive his life was changed completely he was brought out of his shell and he
he was brought out of his shell and he
he was brought out of his shell and he quickly became the independent and
quickly became the independent and
quickly became the independent and outgoing person he is today whereas he
outgoing person he is today whereas he
outgoing person he is today whereas he used to spend his weekends alone at home
used to spend his weekends alone at home
used to spend his weekends alone at home listening to music or watching
listening to music or watching
listening to music or watching television now he was going out partying
television now he was going out partying
television now he was going out partying with his friends and going all over the
with his friends and going all over the
with his friends and going all over the place traveling competing in meets and
place traveling competing in meets and
place traveling competing in meets and tournaments he even got his first job
tournaments he even got his first job
tournaments he even got his first job with the city of throughout Parks and
with the city of throughout Parks and
with the city of throughout Parks and Rec Department however more important
Rec Department however more important
Rec Department however more important than all of these accomplished
than all of these accomplished
than all of these accomplished vince was his growth as an individual he
vince was his growth as an individual he
vince was his growth as an individual he had goals and aspirations in health and
had goals and aspirations in health and
had goals and aspirations in health and he had acquired the tools and
he had acquired the tools and
he had acquired the tools and determination to pursue them and to him
determination to pursue them and to him
determination to pursue them and to him Asperger’s was just another obstacle
Asperger’s was just another obstacle
Asperger’s was just another obstacle waiting to be overcome watching his
waiting to be overcome watching his
waiting to be overcome watching his transformation from the outside made me
transformation from the outside made me
transformation from the outside made me realize that I had taken the wrong
realize that I had taken the wrong
realize that I had taken the wrong approach the entire time I tried to fit
approach the entire time I tried to fit
approach the entire time I tried to fit Ricci into this preconceived and faulty
Ricci into this preconceived and faulty
Ricci into this preconceived and faulty notion of what was normal when it’s
notion of what was normal when it’s
notion of what was normal when it’s ridiculous because one what exactly does
ridiculous because one what exactly does
ridiculous because one what exactly does normal mean and – Who am I or anyone
normal mean and – Who am I or anyone
normal mean and – Who am I or anyone else to define what is and isn’t normal
else to define what is and isn’t normal
else to define what is and isn’t normal this just led some frustration for both
this just led some frustration for both
this just led some frustration for both of us so again I reached out to my dad
of us so again I reached out to my dad
of us so again I reached out to my dad and I asked him how he managed to have
and I asked him how he managed to have
and I asked him how he managed to have such an easygoing relationship with my
such an easygoing relationship with my
such an easygoing relationship with my brother he told me that he simply didn’t
brother he told me that he simply didn’t
brother he told me that he simply didn’t look to change the way that Ricci was
look to change the way that Ricci was
look to change the way that Ricci was instead he realized that things seemed
instead he realized that things seemed
instead he realized that things seemed to ran a lot more smoothly if he just
to ran a lot more smoothly if he just
to ran a lot more smoothly if he just stepped into Ricky’s world it was such a
stepped into Ricky’s world it was such a
stepped into Ricky’s world it was such a simple solution yet my own arrogance had
simple solution yet my own arrogance had
simple solution yet my own arrogance had kept me from seeing it and that was the
kept me from seeing it and that was the
kept me from seeing it and that was the key I should have been playing along the
key I should have been playing along the
key I should have been playing along the whole time matter of fact the second
whole time matter of fact the second
whole time matter of fact the second that I changed my mindset the results
that I changed my mindset the results
that I changed my mindset the results were instant if he wants to listen to
were instant if he wants to listen to
were instant if he wants to listen to the same song for two hours that’s fine
the same song for two hours that’s fine
the same song for two hours that’s fine well jam out to it together and if he’s
well jam out to it together and if he’s
well jam out to it together and if he’s having a tough morning and in a bad mood
having a tough morning and in a bad mood
having a tough morning and in a bad mood then I’ll just bring up his favorite
then I’ll just bring up his favorite
then I’ll just bring up his favorite movie and I’ll see his eyes light up
movie and I’ll see his eyes light up
movie and I’ll see his eyes light up again just the other day he came to my
again just the other day he came to my
again just the other day he came to my room telling me about this new song he
room telling me about this new song he
room telling me about this new song he heard watch me whip so naturally has any
heard watch me whip so naturally has any
heard watch me whip so naturally has any good brother would do I taught him the
good brother would do I taught him the
good brother would do I taught him the dance move that accompanies a song and
dance move that accompanies a song and
dance move that accompanies a song and now hating the whip is our favorite
now hating the whip is our favorite
now hating the whip is our favorite inside joke and if we do fight and what
inside joke and if we do fight and what
inside joke and if we do fight and what he’s saying becomes somewhat illogical
he’s saying becomes somewhat illogical
he’s saying becomes somewhat illogical to me I still take the time to listen
to me I still take the time to listen
to me I still take the time to listen because you’d be surprised how much
because you’d be surprised how much
because you’d be surprised how much Quaker discussions can be resolved if
Quaker discussions can be resolved if
Quaker discussions can be resolved if you listen to the other person
you listen to the other person
you listen to the other person rather than speak a valuable lesson was
rather than speak a valuable lesson was
rather than speak a valuable lesson was learned here one that I’m in the process
learned here one that I’m in the process
learned here one that I’m in the process of applying to my life and I invite you
of applying to my life and I invite you
of applying to my life and I invite you to apply to yours life becomes a whole
to apply to yours life becomes a whole
to apply to yours life becomes a whole lot easier when you stop measuring
lot easier when you stop measuring
lot easier when you stop measuring others by some arbitrary ruler like what
others by some arbitrary ruler like what
others by some arbitrary ruler like what is normal or acceptable personal
is normal or acceptable personal
is normal or acceptable personal relationships have no place for such a
relationships have no place for such a
relationships have no place for such a close minded view instead what we should
close minded view instead what we should
close minded view instead what we should be doing is genuinely trying to enter
be doing is genuinely trying to enter
be doing is genuinely trying to enter the world of those around us I can stand
the world of those around us I can stand
the world of those around us I can stand here and hit you with cliche after
here and hit you with cliche after
here and hit you with cliche after cliche but at the end of the day it all
cliche but at the end of the day it all
cliche but at the end of the day it all comes down to empathy I truly believe
comes down to empathy I truly believe
comes down to empathy I truly believe that the ability to empathize with
that the ability to empathize with
that the ability to empathize with others not just to understand their
others not just to understand their
others not just to understand their situation but to feel what they’re
situation but to feel what they’re
situation but to feel what they’re feeling
feeling
feeling is the key to stress-free and
is the key to stress-free and
is the key to stress-free and constructive relationships the reason
constructive relationships the reason
constructive relationships the reason behind it is twofold firstly
behind it is twofold firstly
behind it is twofold firstly it puts you both on the same page making
it puts you both on the same page making
it puts you both on the same page making them comfortable and open to your input
them comfortable and open to your input
them comfortable and open to your input while allowing for both of you to fully
while allowing for both of you to fully
while allowing for both of you to fully enjoy and build up on the bond between
enjoy and build up on the bond between
enjoy and build up on the bond between one another and secondly it forces you
one another and secondly it forces you
one another and secondly it forces you to see things differently perhaps
to see things differently perhaps
to see things differently perhaps leading to an alteration of your own
leading to an alteration of your own
leading to an alteration of your own perspective while at the same time
perspective while at the same time
perspective while at the same time pushing you to be a better person in
pushing you to be a better person in
pushing you to be a better person in terms of understanding and compassion
terms of understanding and compassion
terms of understanding and compassion two characteristics there at the core of
two characteristics there at the core of
two characteristics there at the core of what it means to be human and that our
what it means to be human and that our
what it means to be human and that our society is in dire need of nowadays so I
society is in dire need of nowadays so I
society is in dire need of nowadays so I leave you with this challenge yourself
leave you with this challenge yourself
leave you with this challenge yourself you have your whole life to see the
you have your whole life to see the
you have your whole life to see the world through your own eyes but you
world through your own eyes but you
world through your own eyes but you never know what you’ll discover
never know what you’ll discover
never know what you’ll discover the eyes of another thank you
”
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